The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 3, Episode 27 - Barney's First Car - full transcript
Barney makes the decision to buy a car for the first time. He sees an ad in the paper that sounds just like what he's looking for and when the seller comes to Andy's house, he's more convinced than ever. The vendor is a little old lady whose husband has recently died. She claims the car was only ever driven a low speed and that it just breaks her heart to sell it. Andy advises caution and suggests that he have Wally the mechanic give the car a once over but Barney won't hear of it. The old woman has him wrapped around her little finger so tight that he even overpays for the car. Not surprisingly, the car breaks down the next day when he take her out for the first time. When Gomer checks it out, he finds saw dust in the transmission, used to keep it all running smoothly for a few days and a sure sign he was taken for a ride. They soon find exactly what that old lady has been up to.
Starring Andy Griffith...
With Ronny Howard...
Also starring Don knotts.
Hi, ange.
Hello, Barn.
Boy, you sure are happy today.
Yeah. You bet I am.
And here's 300
little reasons why.
$300?
That's right.
That's all you had in the
bank, ain't it?
Yeah. I drew it out.
For what?
Guess.
I can't guess.
Guess.
I can't guess.
Guess!
Well...
I'm gonna buy a car.
You're gonna what?
I'm gonna buy a car.
I drew my savings out
of the bank
and I'm gonna get myself
an automobile.
That's your nest egg.
Nest egg notwithstanding,
I'm gonna live a little.
Are you sure?
You're welcome
to the patrol car anytime.
Thanks but no, thanks.
About time I had
a car of my own.
From now on, I am
Mr. Independent wheels.
Here's one for a fixer-upper.
"1949 Hudson terraplane...
"was fallen on last Saturday
by a 30-ton semi trailer.
"Lots of miles left
in the rubber.
Cash or swap
for 12 good laying hens."
I wonder what kind of shape
that's in.
Hey, Barn.
Hmm?
Tomorrow's sunday.
Why don't you wait
till the first of the week
before you make
such a big decision?
Ange, when the old steel trap
in here has made up its mind,
there's no turning back.
Hey, ange?
Hmm?
This looks right up my street.
"Aged widow must sell
"beautifully maintained
low-mileage car.
"One owner. 1954 Ford sedan
"has been driven only
to church on sunday
"and once a year to
aunt Martha's for Thanksgiving.
"No dealers.
"Any reasonable offer.
The good lord willing,
you'll call mp-3791."
That's over
in mt. Pilot.
You see? This is the day
I'm supposed to buy a car.
It's the old
handwriting on the wall.
"Buy a car today, Barney!"
Relax, Barn.
Come on. Sit down.
The car will be here
in a minute.
This is just about the
biggest thing I ever bought.
It's a major step.
Last big buy I made was
my mom's and dad's
anniversary present.
What'd you get 'em?
Septic tank.
For their anniversary?
Yeah.
Oh, they're really
hard to buy for.
Besides,
it was something they could use.
They were really thrilled.
Two tons of concrete,
all steel reinforced.
You're a fine son, Barn.
Well, I try.
Did you see that?
That's the tip-off.
This car's just been sittin'
on a velvet pillow.
Mrs. Lesch!
Yes.
Mr. Fife?
That's right, ma'am.
Well, I guess this is
the, uh, the car, huh?
This is, uh, my late
husband's machine.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, my friend Andy Taylor.
How do, ma'am?
Pleasure.
Well, you mind
if I give her a once
oh, mercy. You do
whatever you like.
All right.
I-I'm sorry I'm late.
It took me four hours
from mt. Pilot.
You didn't have trouble,
did you?
It usually takes
just about a hour.
Oh, well, I never
drive the machine
over 25 miles an hour
and I also like to give it
a ten-minutes' rest
every half hour.
How much do you want for it?
Well, uh, couldn't we
talk just a little bit?
I hardly know you.
Oh, well, Mrs. Lesch...
If you're worried
about his credit rating,
I can vouch for that.
Oh, no, you don't understand.
You see, my husband loved
and cherished this machine.
He wanted to make sure
it-it got a good home
so, so you see, money is not
the prime objective here.
Well, I'm known as a very
nice person, Mrs. Lesch.
You can ask anybody
here in town, right, ange?
You certainly can.
That's good enough for me.
Even if you hadn't
said anything,
I could tell there was a lot
of kindness behind those eyes.
Well, that's me.
Kind behind the eyes.
How much did you want?
Well, uh, I do owe the pilot
pines funeral parlor $140
and then there's the
lawyer and dad did leave
a few debts.
He-he wasn't very good
with money.
I bet he had
a good heart, though.
Oh, bless you.
You talk like you knew him.
Suppose I give you...
Uh, uh, uh, Barn...?
Mrs. Lesch, would you excuse us
just a minute?
Of course.
Don't you think
you're jumping into
this thing awful fast?
Andy, I don't want to lose it.
There ain't another
buyer in 20 feet of you.
I'd advise you
to take a spin in it.
Go over to the fillin' station
and let Wally crawl
underneath and look it over.
I'd be insulting her.
It wouldn't be an insult.
This is business.
It's a big step in your life.
Mr. Fife?
Yes?
If, uh, if you'd like
to drive the car around
a little bit,
you feel free to do so.
As a matter of fact,
I would suggest that you take it
to a mechanic you can trust
and have him look it over...
I trust you,
Mrs. Lesch.
Why don't you do that, Barn?
After all,
I am a stranger to you.
Now, please, get in the car
and, and take it to a mechanic.
No!
Now how much do you want,
Mrs. Lesch?
Oh, I know so little
about such matters...
Well, uh, nobody asked me,
but I'd say a hundred dollars
is a right fair price.
That car is nearly
ten years old.
Excuse me, Mrs. Lesch.
Andy, that's an insult.
I've got $300.
Uh, Mr. Fife...
I-I have the total
on those figures.
The funeral home, the lawyer,
the property and inheritance tax
and it comes
to $297.50.
What a coincidence.
I just happen to have...
Well, it's probably
more, but, uh,
I'm so muddle-headed since
my dear late Bernard passed on.
Bernard?
That was your husband's name?
That's my name!
They call me Barney,
but that's just a Nick
for Bernard.
B
Yeah.
Oh. Oh, I feel
just as if the car's
going to stay in the family.
Let's make the deal
right here and now.
Here's $300 even.
And I'll give you,
uh, $2.50 change.
No. Mrs. Lesch...
That's for Mr. Lesch's
favorite charity.
Bless you.
All right.
I'll, uh, I'll have to mail you
the ownership certificate.
Mail him?
But, uh, I thought...
Andy, I'll handle this.
That's perfectly all right,
Mrs. Lesch.
Here are the keys.
Rabbit's foot.
That was my Barney's.
You probably want to keep this
for your scrapbook.
No. I want you
to keep it.
Let me drive you
to mt. Pilot?
No, thank you.
That won't be necessary.
My nephew is picking me up
at the church around the corner.
I'll have a moment to meditate.
Bless you.
Don't look back,
Mrs. Lesch.
How'd you do, myrt?
Unloaded another one, Jake.
300 easy clams
from the sucker of the world.
Let's blow.
Bless you, Jake.
Nice.
All right, people,
let me have your attention.
Let me have your attention,
please.
Everybody,
let me have your attention.
Ope, don't lean against the car.
Let's get this ride started.
Where do you want us to sit?
Well, let's see.
Um, aunt bee...
Let's see, I want to
distribute the weight even
so she'll ride smooth.
For heaven's sakes, Barn,
it's not a boat or a airplane.
I just don't want
to overload the Springs!
I can understand that.
All right, now
for the back seat.
Aunt bee, you sit
in the back seat
and, gomer, you sit
in the back seat with aunt bee
and, ope, you sit
in the back seat
with gomer and aunt bee.
Now that takes care
of the back seat.
Now for the front seat:
Now, I'll drive, so I'll
sit in the front seat
and, Thelma Lou, you'll sit
in the front seat
next to the driver
and, Andy, you'll sit
in the front seat
next to Thelma Lou
and the driver.
And that takes care
of the front seat.
Okay, ange?
Fine.
Okay, all you people
assigned to the back seat
load up!
Don't open the door, ope.
Don't touch the door.
I know how to open a car door.
I'll handle the door.
Let's go. Everybody in.
Aunt bee in first.
I like the back seat.
Okay, that's it... then ope.
Ope goes in next.
You going to do it,
or you want me to do it?
Oh, just get in!
You all right there, gomer?
This just happens to be
a very delicate piece
of machinery
that's been treated
with kid gloves
and I intend to continue
to give it that
same kind of care.
I admire you for that, Barney.
That's just what I'd do.
All right, is everybody
set back there?
I'm all set.
I'm all set.
I'm all set.
How about the front seat?
I'm all set.
I'm all set.
Hope I don't get carsick.
Opie, you trade
places with gomer.
I want him near a window.
Okay, here we go.
You might be mashing
down too hard
on your acceleration,
flooding her out.
I'll handle this, gomer.
I think gomer's right.
I smell gas.
Do you smell gas?
I smell gas.
I smell gas.
I smell gas.
I smell gas, too.
All right, you smell gas!
'Course you smell gas.
What do you think
this car runs on, coal?
♪ Here a quack, there a quack,
everywhere a quack-quack ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm
♪ ee-i-ee-i-o
♪ and on his farm, he had a...
Chicken.
Chicken.
♪ Ee-i-ee-i-o
♪ with a chick-chick here and a
chick-chick there ♪ wait a minute.
♪ Here a chick, there a chick,
everywhere a chick-chick ♪
Hold it, everybody.
Listen.
Just bumps on the road.
What it sounds like to me.
Just bumps on the road.
That's what it sounds like
to me.
Me too.
That ain't no bumps on the road.
Wonder what that is.
Whatever it was, it fell off
and can't hurt you anymore.
Andy?
Ma'am?
Is that the Johnson
farm down there?
Uh-huh.
I see they painted their Barn.
I love red barns.
I think the Johnsons
keep their farm up
better than anybody around here.
Their farm's a picture
no artist could draw.
Oh, by the way, gomer,
how are you feeling?
Sick as a dog, but having
the time of my life.
Would you take me out
to Johnsons' sometime, pa?
Sure.
Mr. Johnson might
let you milk a cow.
Would you take me out to
Johnsons' sometime, baa... rney!
Looks like to me
you got too much grease
in your steering column.
I don't believe
I've ever seen anything
like that before.
I hear a hissing sound,
too, Barn.
Listen.
Boy, she's boiling but good.
We're going to have
to get some water, Barn.
Then we'd better head back.
Back, yeah.
Head back.
I'll fetch it.
Everything will be fine.
Just fine.
Fine, just fine.
It just run out of water, Barn.
A little extra grease...
That don't mean anything.
I'm sorry, Barn.
It's a shame.
Hey, Andy!
Hey, Barn!
Hey, gomer.
Did Wally check the car over?
He went through her
with as fine a tooth comb
as you can imagine.
All right, let's have
the bad news.
Well, he got her running.
I brought her over here with me.
But she's going to need...
Plugs, points, bearings,
valves, rings, starter switch,
ignition wires, water pump,
fuel pump, oil pump,
clutch, clutch bearings,
clutch plates, brake lining,
brake shoes, brake drums,
radiator hose, and
radiator hose coupling.
Oh, no.
And I'd give her
a good wash, too.
Uh, gomer...
Oh, here's something else.
See that?
Sawdust.
Come out of your differential
and transmission.
That does it.
Huh?
Sawdust. That's the oldest car
hustler's trick in the world.
Makes worn-out gears
run smooth as silk...
For a few days.
I can't believe it.
That's all the evidence
we'll need.
Come on, Barn.
Let's take that car right back
to the little old
lady in mt. Pilot.
I think she's
about had it, Barn.
I better go find a phone
and call gomer
and tell him to come
out here and tow us in.
There's a store back there
about a half a mile.
You be all right?
It'll be getting dark
pretty soon.
I sure hope he can find us.
Ange?
Hmm?
We're moving.
Hmm?
We're moving.
Hmm.
Hmm, I'll be dogged.
Gomer must have found us.
I didn't even hear
him hook us up.
Hmm. Wait a minute.
That ain't gomer's
tow truck pulling us.
Huh?
That's somebody else.
Well, who in the world...
Hey, you up there!
Hold it!
Hey, wait a minute.
Scrunch down.
Let's see where
they're taking us.
Scrunch down.
We stopped.
Can I put my bullet in?
I think you better.
Get down.
Okay.
That's Mrs. Lesch!
Yeah.
It's the fourth one
this week, myrt.
The boys are doing
a pretty good job.
Well, let's have a look at this
little gem you brought in.
Yeah, we'll run it through
the usual routine.
Spray it up a little.
Knock out some of the dents.
Hit the chrome... ooh!
What's with you?
Don't you recognize it?!
That's the clunker I sold
to that boob in Mayberry.
All right, that's all!
You've had it!
Howdy.
Mr. Fife!
You didn't think
you were fooling anybody,
did you, Mrs. Lesch?
Dear husband Bernard.
Never over 25 miles an hour.
Come on now, really!
All right, you've got us.
Let me make a deal with you.
You forget what happened,
and I'll let you have
a sweet 1958 custom sedan
that's been in the garage
up on blocks since 1959.
Low mileage?
Broken in.
With whitewall tires.
That sounds like
what I've been looking for!
Barn!
All right!
Line up!
Hi, Barn.
What you doing?
Well, now that
I got my money back,
I'm gonna be
a little more careful.
You didn't answer
another car ad.
Party's on its way over,
but don't you worry, pal.
I learned my lesson...
Trust nobody.
You don't have to go that far.
I'm gonna go over this car
with a fine-tooth comb.
You can fool Barney Fife once,
maybe... just once,
but never again.
Well...
Excuse me.
I'm looking for Mr. Fife.
I'm Mr. Fife.
I'm Mrs. Temple.
I'm here with my car,
Mr. Fife.
Are you still interested?
Well, maybe I am,
and maybe I ain't.
What kind of a car is it?
1959 Ford...
It's in excellent condition.
Low mileage, of course.
Oh, yes.
Uh-huh.
And you only used it to drive
to church on sundays, right?
Why, as a matter of fact, I did.
See, I have a nephew
who's a clergyman at...
Who are you kidding, sister?
I beg your pardon?
Barn.
Who you working with...
Hubcap slash
or you got your own racket?
Barney.
Oh, I can see through her
like a lace curtain.
All right, out, out, out, out,
before I throw you in.
Well, have you found a buyer
for the car, aunt Rose?
Uh.
He'd like to think about it,
reverend.
Wouldn't you, Barn?
With Ronny Howard...
Also starring Don knotts.
Hi, ange.
Hello, Barn.
Boy, you sure are happy today.
Yeah. You bet I am.
And here's 300
little reasons why.
$300?
That's right.
That's all you had in the
bank, ain't it?
Yeah. I drew it out.
For what?
Guess.
I can't guess.
Guess.
I can't guess.
Guess!
Well...
I'm gonna buy a car.
You're gonna what?
I'm gonna buy a car.
I drew my savings out
of the bank
and I'm gonna get myself
an automobile.
That's your nest egg.
Nest egg notwithstanding,
I'm gonna live a little.
Are you sure?
You're welcome
to the patrol car anytime.
Thanks but no, thanks.
About time I had
a car of my own.
From now on, I am
Mr. Independent wheels.
Here's one for a fixer-upper.
"1949 Hudson terraplane...
"was fallen on last Saturday
by a 30-ton semi trailer.
"Lots of miles left
in the rubber.
Cash or swap
for 12 good laying hens."
I wonder what kind of shape
that's in.
Hey, Barn.
Hmm?
Tomorrow's sunday.
Why don't you wait
till the first of the week
before you make
such a big decision?
Ange, when the old steel trap
in here has made up its mind,
there's no turning back.
Hey, ange?
Hmm?
This looks right up my street.
"Aged widow must sell
"beautifully maintained
low-mileage car.
"One owner. 1954 Ford sedan
"has been driven only
to church on sunday
"and once a year to
aunt Martha's for Thanksgiving.
"No dealers.
"Any reasonable offer.
The good lord willing,
you'll call mp-3791."
That's over
in mt. Pilot.
You see? This is the day
I'm supposed to buy a car.
It's the old
handwriting on the wall.
"Buy a car today, Barney!"
Relax, Barn.
Come on. Sit down.
The car will be here
in a minute.
This is just about the
biggest thing I ever bought.
It's a major step.
Last big buy I made was
my mom's and dad's
anniversary present.
What'd you get 'em?
Septic tank.
For their anniversary?
Yeah.
Oh, they're really
hard to buy for.
Besides,
it was something they could use.
They were really thrilled.
Two tons of concrete,
all steel reinforced.
You're a fine son, Barn.
Well, I try.
Did you see that?
That's the tip-off.
This car's just been sittin'
on a velvet pillow.
Mrs. Lesch!
Yes.
Mr. Fife?
That's right, ma'am.
Well, I guess this is
the, uh, the car, huh?
This is, uh, my late
husband's machine.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, my friend Andy Taylor.
How do, ma'am?
Pleasure.
Well, you mind
if I give her a once
oh, mercy. You do
whatever you like.
All right.
I-I'm sorry I'm late.
It took me four hours
from mt. Pilot.
You didn't have trouble,
did you?
It usually takes
just about a hour.
Oh, well, I never
drive the machine
over 25 miles an hour
and I also like to give it
a ten-minutes' rest
every half hour.
How much do you want for it?
Well, uh, couldn't we
talk just a little bit?
I hardly know you.
Oh, well, Mrs. Lesch...
If you're worried
about his credit rating,
I can vouch for that.
Oh, no, you don't understand.
You see, my husband loved
and cherished this machine.
He wanted to make sure
it-it got a good home
so, so you see, money is not
the prime objective here.
Well, I'm known as a very
nice person, Mrs. Lesch.
You can ask anybody
here in town, right, ange?
You certainly can.
That's good enough for me.
Even if you hadn't
said anything,
I could tell there was a lot
of kindness behind those eyes.
Well, that's me.
Kind behind the eyes.
How much did you want?
Well, uh, I do owe the pilot
pines funeral parlor $140
and then there's the
lawyer and dad did leave
a few debts.
He-he wasn't very good
with money.
I bet he had
a good heart, though.
Oh, bless you.
You talk like you knew him.
Suppose I give you...
Uh, uh, uh, Barn...?
Mrs. Lesch, would you excuse us
just a minute?
Of course.
Don't you think
you're jumping into
this thing awful fast?
Andy, I don't want to lose it.
There ain't another
buyer in 20 feet of you.
I'd advise you
to take a spin in it.
Go over to the fillin' station
and let Wally crawl
underneath and look it over.
I'd be insulting her.
It wouldn't be an insult.
This is business.
It's a big step in your life.
Mr. Fife?
Yes?
If, uh, if you'd like
to drive the car around
a little bit,
you feel free to do so.
As a matter of fact,
I would suggest that you take it
to a mechanic you can trust
and have him look it over...
I trust you,
Mrs. Lesch.
Why don't you do that, Barn?
After all,
I am a stranger to you.
Now, please, get in the car
and, and take it to a mechanic.
No!
Now how much do you want,
Mrs. Lesch?
Oh, I know so little
about such matters...
Well, uh, nobody asked me,
but I'd say a hundred dollars
is a right fair price.
That car is nearly
ten years old.
Excuse me, Mrs. Lesch.
Andy, that's an insult.
I've got $300.
Uh, Mr. Fife...
I-I have the total
on those figures.
The funeral home, the lawyer,
the property and inheritance tax
and it comes
to $297.50.
What a coincidence.
I just happen to have...
Well, it's probably
more, but, uh,
I'm so muddle-headed since
my dear late Bernard passed on.
Bernard?
That was your husband's name?
That's my name!
They call me Barney,
but that's just a Nick
for Bernard.
B
Yeah.
Oh. Oh, I feel
just as if the car's
going to stay in the family.
Let's make the deal
right here and now.
Here's $300 even.
And I'll give you,
uh, $2.50 change.
No. Mrs. Lesch...
That's for Mr. Lesch's
favorite charity.
Bless you.
All right.
I'll, uh, I'll have to mail you
the ownership certificate.
Mail him?
But, uh, I thought...
Andy, I'll handle this.
That's perfectly all right,
Mrs. Lesch.
Here are the keys.
Rabbit's foot.
That was my Barney's.
You probably want to keep this
for your scrapbook.
No. I want you
to keep it.
Let me drive you
to mt. Pilot?
No, thank you.
That won't be necessary.
My nephew is picking me up
at the church around the corner.
I'll have a moment to meditate.
Bless you.
Don't look back,
Mrs. Lesch.
How'd you do, myrt?
Unloaded another one, Jake.
300 easy clams
from the sucker of the world.
Let's blow.
Bless you, Jake.
Nice.
All right, people,
let me have your attention.
Let me have your attention,
please.
Everybody,
let me have your attention.
Ope, don't lean against the car.
Let's get this ride started.
Where do you want us to sit?
Well, let's see.
Um, aunt bee...
Let's see, I want to
distribute the weight even
so she'll ride smooth.
For heaven's sakes, Barn,
it's not a boat or a airplane.
I just don't want
to overload the Springs!
I can understand that.
All right, now
for the back seat.
Aunt bee, you sit
in the back seat
and, gomer, you sit
in the back seat with aunt bee
and, ope, you sit
in the back seat
with gomer and aunt bee.
Now that takes care
of the back seat.
Now for the front seat:
Now, I'll drive, so I'll
sit in the front seat
and, Thelma Lou, you'll sit
in the front seat
next to the driver
and, Andy, you'll sit
in the front seat
next to Thelma Lou
and the driver.
And that takes care
of the front seat.
Okay, ange?
Fine.
Okay, all you people
assigned to the back seat
load up!
Don't open the door, ope.
Don't touch the door.
I know how to open a car door.
I'll handle the door.
Let's go. Everybody in.
Aunt bee in first.
I like the back seat.
Okay, that's it... then ope.
Ope goes in next.
You going to do it,
or you want me to do it?
Oh, just get in!
You all right there, gomer?
This just happens to be
a very delicate piece
of machinery
that's been treated
with kid gloves
and I intend to continue
to give it that
same kind of care.
I admire you for that, Barney.
That's just what I'd do.
All right, is everybody
set back there?
I'm all set.
I'm all set.
I'm all set.
How about the front seat?
I'm all set.
I'm all set.
Hope I don't get carsick.
Opie, you trade
places with gomer.
I want him near a window.
Okay, here we go.
You might be mashing
down too hard
on your acceleration,
flooding her out.
I'll handle this, gomer.
I think gomer's right.
I smell gas.
Do you smell gas?
I smell gas.
I smell gas.
I smell gas.
I smell gas, too.
All right, you smell gas!
'Course you smell gas.
What do you think
this car runs on, coal?
♪ Here a quack, there a quack,
everywhere a quack-quack ♪
♪ Old MacDonald had a farm
♪ ee-i-ee-i-o
♪ and on his farm, he had a...
Chicken.
Chicken.
♪ Ee-i-ee-i-o
♪ with a chick-chick here and a
chick-chick there ♪ wait a minute.
♪ Here a chick, there a chick,
everywhere a chick-chick ♪
Hold it, everybody.
Listen.
Just bumps on the road.
What it sounds like to me.
Just bumps on the road.
That's what it sounds like
to me.
Me too.
That ain't no bumps on the road.
Wonder what that is.
Whatever it was, it fell off
and can't hurt you anymore.
Andy?
Ma'am?
Is that the Johnson
farm down there?
Uh-huh.
I see they painted their Barn.
I love red barns.
I think the Johnsons
keep their farm up
better than anybody around here.
Their farm's a picture
no artist could draw.
Oh, by the way, gomer,
how are you feeling?
Sick as a dog, but having
the time of my life.
Would you take me out
to Johnsons' sometime, pa?
Sure.
Mr. Johnson might
let you milk a cow.
Would you take me out to
Johnsons' sometime, baa... rney!
Looks like to me
you got too much grease
in your steering column.
I don't believe
I've ever seen anything
like that before.
I hear a hissing sound,
too, Barn.
Listen.
Boy, she's boiling but good.
We're going to have
to get some water, Barn.
Then we'd better head back.
Back, yeah.
Head back.
I'll fetch it.
Everything will be fine.
Just fine.
Fine, just fine.
It just run out of water, Barn.
A little extra grease...
That don't mean anything.
I'm sorry, Barn.
It's a shame.
Hey, Andy!
Hey, Barn!
Hey, gomer.
Did Wally check the car over?
He went through her
with as fine a tooth comb
as you can imagine.
All right, let's have
the bad news.
Well, he got her running.
I brought her over here with me.
But she's going to need...
Plugs, points, bearings,
valves, rings, starter switch,
ignition wires, water pump,
fuel pump, oil pump,
clutch, clutch bearings,
clutch plates, brake lining,
brake shoes, brake drums,
radiator hose, and
radiator hose coupling.
Oh, no.
And I'd give her
a good wash, too.
Uh, gomer...
Oh, here's something else.
See that?
Sawdust.
Come out of your differential
and transmission.
That does it.
Huh?
Sawdust. That's the oldest car
hustler's trick in the world.
Makes worn-out gears
run smooth as silk...
For a few days.
I can't believe it.
That's all the evidence
we'll need.
Come on, Barn.
Let's take that car right back
to the little old
lady in mt. Pilot.
I think she's
about had it, Barn.
I better go find a phone
and call gomer
and tell him to come
out here and tow us in.
There's a store back there
about a half a mile.
You be all right?
It'll be getting dark
pretty soon.
I sure hope he can find us.
Ange?
Hmm?
We're moving.
Hmm?
We're moving.
Hmm.
Hmm, I'll be dogged.
Gomer must have found us.
I didn't even hear
him hook us up.
Hmm. Wait a minute.
That ain't gomer's
tow truck pulling us.
Huh?
That's somebody else.
Well, who in the world...
Hey, you up there!
Hold it!
Hey, wait a minute.
Scrunch down.
Let's see where
they're taking us.
Scrunch down.
We stopped.
Can I put my bullet in?
I think you better.
Get down.
Okay.
That's Mrs. Lesch!
Yeah.
It's the fourth one
this week, myrt.
The boys are doing
a pretty good job.
Well, let's have a look at this
little gem you brought in.
Yeah, we'll run it through
the usual routine.
Spray it up a little.
Knock out some of the dents.
Hit the chrome... ooh!
What's with you?
Don't you recognize it?!
That's the clunker I sold
to that boob in Mayberry.
All right, that's all!
You've had it!
Howdy.
Mr. Fife!
You didn't think
you were fooling anybody,
did you, Mrs. Lesch?
Dear husband Bernard.
Never over 25 miles an hour.
Come on now, really!
All right, you've got us.
Let me make a deal with you.
You forget what happened,
and I'll let you have
a sweet 1958 custom sedan
that's been in the garage
up on blocks since 1959.
Low mileage?
Broken in.
With whitewall tires.
That sounds like
what I've been looking for!
Barn!
All right!
Line up!
Hi, Barn.
What you doing?
Well, now that
I got my money back,
I'm gonna be
a little more careful.
You didn't answer
another car ad.
Party's on its way over,
but don't you worry, pal.
I learned my lesson...
Trust nobody.
You don't have to go that far.
I'm gonna go over this car
with a fine-tooth comb.
You can fool Barney Fife once,
maybe... just once,
but never again.
Well...
Excuse me.
I'm looking for Mr. Fife.
I'm Mr. Fife.
I'm Mrs. Temple.
I'm here with my car,
Mr. Fife.
Are you still interested?
Well, maybe I am,
and maybe I ain't.
What kind of a car is it?
1959 Ford...
It's in excellent condition.
Low mileage, of course.
Oh, yes.
Uh-huh.
And you only used it to drive
to church on sundays, right?
Why, as a matter of fact, I did.
See, I have a nephew
who's a clergyman at...
Who are you kidding, sister?
I beg your pardon?
Barn.
Who you working with...
Hubcap slash
or you got your own racket?
Barney.
Oh, I can see through her
like a lace curtain.
All right, out, out, out, out,
before I throw you in.
Well, have you found a buyer
for the car, aunt Rose?
Uh.
He'd like to think about it,
reverend.
Wouldn't you, Barn?