The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 2, Episode 8 - The Perfect Female - full transcript
Barney and Thelma Lou want to set Andy up on a blind date with her cousin Karen. Andy is somewhat skeptical of Barney's matchmaking skills but after some clumsy maneuvering on Barney's part agrees to meet Karen. Much to every one's delight they really hit it off with each other. However, Barney's interference could cause more trouble than good.
ANY LUCK?
I CAN'T BUDGE HER.
DOGGONE IT, THELMA LOU,
IF YOUR COUSIN
JUST MET ANDY ONCE,
I KNOW SHE'D LIKE HIM.
I KNOW IT.
BUT KAREN SAYS
THAT SHE DIDN'T COME ALL
THE WAY FROM ARKANSAS
FOR MAN-HUNTING.
SHE'S HERE ON A VACATION
AND THAT'S THAT.
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO ANDY?
WELL, NO.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'M AFRAID TO.
AFRAID TO? WHY?
WELL, ANDY SAYS
HE'S BEEN BURNED BY ME
AND THEM BLIND DATES.
WHEN WAS THAT?
OH, ONCE I GOT HIM TO GO OUT
WITH THIS GIRL VISITING
FROM DETROIT-- MELINDA KIEFER.
SO WHAT IF SHE HAD FAT KNEES
AND TALKED A LOT.
IT WAS JUST A DATE.
THAT WAS JUST ONCE?
WELL, NO-- ANOTHER TIME
I ARRANGED A DATE WITH A GIRL
THAT HE CLAIMS LOOKED
JUST LIKE BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.
HE'S KIND OF LOST FAITH
IN ME AND BLIND DATES
AND I KNOW WHAT'LL HAPPEN
IF I BRING IT UP.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
KAREN LOOKS LIKE.
BARNEY, THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO DO THIS
AND THAT'S JUST
THROW 'EM TOGETHER.
WELL, HOW'LL WE DO THAT?
WELL, I'LL JUST HAPPEN
TO GET KAREN
OVER TO THE COFFEE SHOP
AROUND 3:00
AND YOU JUST HAPPEN TO GET ANDY
OVER THERE AROUND 3:00.
A-AND LET NATURE
DO THE REST, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
LET'S DO THAT.
BUT BARNEY, BE CAREFUL
HOW YOU MANEUVER
ANDY OVER THERE.
DON'T EVEN HINT THAT
IT'S TO MEET MY COUSIN.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I KNOW JUST HOW I'LL WORK IT.
I'LL SAY, "ANDY..."
YOU KNOW, REAL CASUAL-LIKE...
"HOW ABOUT GOING OUT
AND GETTING A CUP OF COFFEE?"
HE'LL SAY, "WHAT FOR?"
AND I'LL SAY,
"JUST TO RELAX AND TALK."
THEN HE'LL PROBABLY SAY "WHY
CAN'T WE DO THAT HERE?"
AND I'LL SAY, "LET'S GET AWAY
FROM THE OFFICE FOR A WHILE."
AND HE'LL KEEP
THINKING UP EXCUSES
AND I'LL KEEP
GIVING HIM REASONS.
BEFORE HE KNOWS IT,
HE'LL BE THERE.
GOOD.
DON'T WORRY-- YOU'RE TALKING
TO "SUBTLE" BARNEY FIFE.
HE WON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIM.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
HEY, AND?
HMM?
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MOSEY
OVER TO THE COFFEE SHOP
AND HAVE A LITTLE CUP
OF COFFEE, HUH?
WHAT FOR?
OH, JUST TO... RELAX AND TALK.
WE CAN DO THAT HERE.
YEAH, BUT, UH, YOU KNOW
SORT OF GET AWAY FROM THE OFFICE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
WELL, WHAT FOR?
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
WELL, UH...
ANDY... LET'S GO OVER
TO THE COFFEE SHOP
AND HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE.
WHY?
TO MEET THELMA LOU'S COUSIN
FROM ARKANSAS!
WHAT?
THELMA LOU'S COUSIN
IS IN TOWN FROM ARKANSAS.
I PROMISED I'D GET YOU
TO THE COFFEE SHOP AT 3:00
AND IF I DON'T,
THELMA LOU'LL BE MAD AT ME.
OKAY.
IT AIN'T OFTEN I ASK YOU
TO DO ME A FAVOR,
BUT THE ONE TIME I DO
YOU'D THINK YOU'D BE
A LITTLE MORE COOPERATIVE.
ALL I ASK IS
A SIMPLE THING...
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
OVER TO THE COFFEE SHOP
TO MEET THELMA LOU'S COUSIN.
YOU COMING?
YOU SON OF A GUN.
YOU WAS GOIN' TO DO IT
ALL THE TIME, WASN'T YOU?
GIVE ME THE SUGAR,
WILL YA, ANDY?
HELP YOURSELF.
NO KIDDING.
WAIT'LL YOU SEE HER.
SHE'S REALLY ATTRACTIVE.
THAT'S WHAT YOU
SAID ABOUT BENJIE.
BENJIE?
THE ONE THAT LOOKED LIKE
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.
OH, NO, NO, REALLY, THIS
ONE'S REALLY ATTRACTIVE.
OOH-OOH-OH, FOR HEAVEN'S
SAKE, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
IT'S THELMA LOU AND
HER ATTRACTIVE COUSIN.
WELL, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE,
LOOK WHO'S HERE--
BARNEY AND ANDY!
IMAGINE RUNNING
INTO YOU TWO.
YEAH, THIS IS
A SURPRISE, ISN'T IT?
WELL, IT CERTAINLY IS.
OH, I'M SORRY.
YOU TWO HAVEN'T MET,
HAVE YOU?
KAREN,
THIS IS
SHERIFF TAYLOR.
ANDY, MEET MY COUSIN--
KAREN WORTH.
HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU.
SAY, AS LONG AS
WE'RE ALL HERE TOGETHER,
WHY DON'T WE TAKE A BOOTH?
HEY, THAT'S A PEACH
OF AN IDEA, THELMA LOU.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO THAT.
COME ON, KAREN.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY THESE TWO HAVE A
LOT TO TALK ABOUT,
SO LET'S, UH, GO OUTSIDE.
BARNEY...
I'VE GOT SHOPPING TO DO.
WELL, I'LL DRIVE YOU.
BARNEY...
THELMA LOU...
DO YOU GET
THE FLEETIN' FEELIN'
THAT WE'RE BEING
THROWN TOGETHER?
WELL, THE THOUGHT DID
SORT OF ENTER MY HEAD.
YEAH. BARNEY'S
ABOUT AS SUBTLE
AS A PIG SQUEALING
FOR HIS SUPPER.
IF YOU'D RATHER NOT...
OH, NO...
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I RATHER WOULD.
BESIDES, YOU KNOW, THEY'VE
GONE TO SO MUCH TROUBLE
TO GET US TOGETHER,
I'M AFRAID IT'D
BREAK THEIR HEARTS
IF THEY THOUGHT
THEY'D FAILED.
YEAH.
DO YOU THINK WE OUGHT
TO GET MARRIED
BEFORE OR AFTER THE COFFEE?
WELL, I BELIEVE IN LONG
ENGAGEMENTS MYSELF,
SO LET'S MAKE IT AFTER.
AFTER.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ DOOR OPENS ]
WELL? WELL? HUH?
WELL?
WELL? YEAH? YEAH?
WELL?
WELL, WHAT?
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN?
AT THE COFFEE SHOP.
AT THE COFFEE SHOP?
BETWEEN YOU AND KAREN.
OH, OH, OH...
WE HAD COFFEE.
AND? AND? AND? AND?
AND WHAT?
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED
AFTER YOU HAD THE COFFEE?
WE GOT MARRIED.
OH, GOOD! I KNEW
YOU TWO'D--
YOU GOT MARRIED?
AW, COME ON, ANDY.
BOY, YOU'RE FUNNY,
YOU ARE.
YOU OUGHT TO GO
ON THE RADIO
AND BE AN ALL-NIGHT
DISC JOCKEY.
AT LEAST THEN
I COULD TURN YOU OFF.
NOW, SIMMER DOWN, BARNEY.
YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW
THAT WE HIT IT OFF JUST FINE
AND WE GOT A DATE
FOR TOMORROW.
NO KIDDING!
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING
TO TAKE HER?
PICTURE SHOW?
A DANCE?
MAYBE YOU'LL GO
FOR A NICE, LONG DRIVE, HUH?
AS A MATTER OF FACT
I FIGURE ON TAKING HER
OUT TO FINNEGAN FLATS
AND DO A LITTLE
CROW-SHOOTING.
YEAH, FINNEGAN FLATS...
CROW-SHOOTING?!
OH, FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD, ANDY!
NOW, BARNEY...
YOU CALL THAT A PLACE
TO TAKE A WOMAN?
BOY, YOU'RE SOME LOVER.
WELL, IT HAPPENS THAT
I HAD IT ALL PLANNED
TO GO DO A LITTLE
CROW-SHOOTING
AND I ASKED HER IF SHE'D
LIKE TO COME ALONG
AND SHE SAID FINE.
COURSE, IF YOU
THINK IT'S WRONG
I CAN CALL THE
WHOLE THING OFF.
NO, NO, NO, I GUESS THAT'S
ALL RIGHT FOR A STARTER.
JUST GO RIGHT AHEAD
AS PLANNED.
GO AHEAD AS PLANNED?
YEAH.
WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT.
WELL, SINCE YOU
APPROVE, THEN,
I GUESS I'LL GO OUT AND
GET SOME SHOTGUN SHELLS.
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT?
[ SIGHS ]
LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO GUIDE THE KID ALL THE WAY.
YOU LIKE HIM, HUH?
MM-HMM.
AND YOU ALREADY
MADE A DATE?
MM-HMM.
OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
MOVIES? DANCING?
OR JUST A DRIVE
IN THE MOONLIGHT?
WE'RE GOING OUT
TO SHOOT CROWS.
SHOOT CROWS?!
WHY NOT? YOU KNOW ME
WHEN IT COMES TO SHOOTING.
I COULDN'T BE MORE PLEASED.
THEN YOU TOLD HIM
YOU'RE A SKEET CHAMPION?
NO, DEAR.
IT DIDN'T COME UP.
BUT IT PROBABLY WILL TOMORROW.
BUT CROW-SHOOTING?
WELL, WE'LL JUST GET
EVERYTHING HERE.
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH
SOME OF THESE THINGS.
OH, NO, WE CAN'T HAVE YOU
COMING WAY OFF UP HERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY
CARRYING ANYTHING.
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
I CAN CARRY SOMETHING.
LET ME TAKE THE BASKET.
WELL, NOW, THAT THERMOS
IS LEAKING A LITTLE.
DON'T GET ANYTHING ON
THAT PRETTY DRESS.
NO, I WON'T.
RIGHT OVER HERE.
YOU KNOW, ANDY,
THIS IS SOME
OF THE PRETTIEST COUNTRY
I'VE EVER SEEN.
YEAH.
SEE THAT ROCK RIGHT OVER THERE
THAT LOOKS LIKE AN EAGLE?
OH, MM-HMM.
YEAH, WE CALL
THAT EAGLE ROCK.
OH, I SEE.
COME ON OVER HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, THIS IS A GOOD
PLACE RIGHT HERE.
OH, THIS IS FINE.
YEAH.
AND YOU...
SIT RIGHT DOWN HERE
ON THAT STOOL RIGHT THERE.
ANDY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO FUSS OVER ME LIKE THAT.
WELL... THERE'S USUALLY
SOME PRETTY GOOD
CROW-SHOOTING AROUND HERE.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH.
I SURE AM GLAD
YOU COULD COME ALONG.
I SURE AM GLAD YOU ASKED ME.
YOU LIKE TO WATCH SHOOTIN',
DO YA?
I LOVE IT.
MOST WOMEN DON'T LIKE
TO BE AROUND SHOOTIN'.
WELL, THAT SURE
ISN'T TRUE OF ME.
ANDY, YOU SEE --
COVER YOUR EARS.
[ GUNSHOT ]
ANDY, I...
[ GUNSHOT ]
HUH.
I MISSED HIM
JUST THE LEAST LITTLE BIT THERE.
YES, YOU SURE DID.
I GUESS I WASN'T
LEADING HIM ENOUGH.
WELL, I'LL GET THE NEXT 'UN.
SURE, YOU WILL.
COVER YOUR EARS.
[ GUNSHOTS ]
I HAD THE GUN RIGHT ON HIM.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET ME
SOME NEW SIGHTS.
MM.
I HOPE THIS NOISE
DIDN'T BOTHER YOU.
NO.
I'M GETTING USED TO IT.
YOU SURE DO GET USED
TO THINGS FAST
DON'T YOU?
YOU KNOW, I-I ALWAYS
DID THINK THIS WAS...
THIS WAS PRETTY COUNTRY
BUT... IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME A-SAYING IT
YOU SURE DO MAKE IT LOOK
A WHOLE LOT PRETTIER.
THANK YOU, ANDY.
YOU, AN EXPERT WITH A GUN,
DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SHOOT?
DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM?
I TRIED TO
TWO OR THREE TIMES,
BUT I JUST NEVER
GOT AROUND TO IT.
BESIDES, IT DIDN'T MATTER.
NO?
NO, IT WASN'T NECESSARY.
I LIKED THE DAY
JUST AS IT WAS.
HE DIDN'T TREAT ME
LIKE A CRACK SHOT.
HE TREATED ME
LIKE A LADY.
AND I LIKED IT.
REALLY?
WHAT'S MORE, I'M GOING TO HIS
HOUSE FOR SUPPER TONIGHT.
WONDERFUL!
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GOING TO CALL BARNEY
AND GIVE HIM A PROGRESS REPORT.
WELL? WELL? WELL?
WELL, WHAT?
WHAT HAPPENED
WITH YOU AND KAREN?
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
WITH ME AND KAREN.
I TOOK HER CROW-SHOOTIN'.
I KNOW YOU DID.
AND...?
WE HAD A GOOD TIME.
YOU DID?
VERY NICE.
VERY, VERY, VERY NICE.
I KNEW YOU WOULD,
I JUST KNEW YOU WOULD.
YOU THINK MAYBE YOU
AND KAREN MIGHT, UH...
[ WHISTLING "WEDDING MARCH" ]
WHOA, NO, NO.
NOW, NO, IT'S A LITTLE
TOO EARLY FOR THAT.
WELL...
I'LL HAVE TO TALK
TO HER A LITTLE BIT.
FIND OUT A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT HER.
OH, I TALKED
TO HER A LITTLE.
FOUND OUT A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT HER.
AND THEN TONIGHT WHEN I
HAVE HER OVER FOR SUPPER...
SUPPER, GOOD, GOOD.
AFTER SUPPER WE'LL GO
IN THE LIVIN' ROOM.
ME AND AUNT BEE WILL TALK
TO HER A LITTLE BIT MORE.
SEE HOW SHE MEASURES UP.
BUT SO FAR SHE MEASURES UP
PRETTY GOOD, HUH?
OH, YOU BETTER KNOW IT.
[ LAUGHING ]
MORE COFFEE,
MISS KAREN?
NO, THANK YOU,
AUNT BEE.
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO GET UP
FROM THE TABLE
AND GO IN YONDER?
THAT'D BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, OP.
WELL, THANK YOU,
GENTLEMEN.
OPIE, MAYBE
YOU BETTER GO UP
AND GET READY
TO GO TO BED, HUH?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
SIT DOWN HERE.
PAW?
HUH?
CAN MISS KAREN
READ ME A STORY?
OPIE, I'D LOVE TO.
OPIE, YOUR PAW AND I'D LIKE
TO TALK WITH MISS KAREN.
SHE'LL DO IT ANOTHER TIME.
MAYBE SHE'LL
COME AGAIN.
SURE HOPE SO.
SHE'S NICE.
THANK YOU, OPIE.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, PAW.
SLEEP TIGHT.
OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT, AUNT BEE.
GOOD NIGHT.
SEE YOU IN THE MORNIN'.
OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT, OPIE,
AND PLEASANT DREAMS.
OKAY.
HE SURE IS A CUTE LITTLE GUY,
ISN'T HE?
OH, WE'RE PROUD OF HIM.
UH...
DO YOU LIKE LITTLE BOYS?
OH, I LOVE 'EM,
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE
AS CUTE AS THAT ONE.
OH, WELL, MUCH OBLIGED.
AUNT BEE, THAT WAS AS
GOOD A GOOSEBERRY PIE
AS I EVER PUT
IN MY MOUTH.
KAREN, MAYBE
YOU'D LIKE
ANOTHER PIECE
OF PIE?
OH, NO.
NO, I COULDN'T, REALLY.
I JUST ATE TOO MUCH DINNER.
[ CHUCKLING ]
DO YOU BAKE PIES
YOURSELF?
YES, I DO.
NOT GOOSEBERRY?
OH, YES.
NOT AS GOOD AS AUNT BEE'S.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S
ANDY'S FAVORITE.
OH, REALLY?
THAT'S A MYSTERY
I'M READIN'.
OH, REALLY?
YOU LIKE 'EM?
I LOVE 'EM--
THE SCARIER, THE BETTER.
OH, AIN'T IT
A SIGHT?
UH...
DO YOU LIKE MUSIC?
YES, I DO.
ANDY, PLAY US
A LITTLE SOMETHING.
OH, AUNT BEE...
I'M SURE
KAREN WOULD LOVE IT.
OH, WELL...
OH, NOW, GO ON.
OH, AUNT BEE,
SHE DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THIS OLD COUNTRY GUITAR.
HE PLAYS
AND HE SINGS WELL, TOO.
WELL, IT'S NOT GOOD,
BUT IT'S LOUD.
I'D REALLY LOVE
TO HEAR SOMETHING.
WELL, LET ME SIT OVER HERE,
CLOSE TO THE CROWD.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, NOW, LET'S SEE.
WHAT'LL I PLAY?
PLAY SOMETHING
LIVELY.
PICK A LITTLE OF
"SOURWOOD MOUNTAIN."
I KNOW THAT ONE.
YOU DO?
YEAH, WELL,
PARTS OF IT.
* CHICKENS GROW
ON OLD SOURWOOD MOUNTAIN *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* SO MANY PRETTY GIRLS,
I CAN'T COUNT 'EM *
* SO MANY PRETTY GIRLS,
I CAN'T COUNT 'EM *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* OLD MAN, OLD MAN,
I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER *
* OLD MAN, OLD MAN,
I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* BAKE ME BREAD
AND TOTE ME WATER *
* BAKE ME BREAD
AND TOTE ME WATER *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* MY TRUE LOVE'S
A BLUE-EYED DAISY *
* MY TRUE LOVE'S
A BLUE-EYED DAISY *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* IF I DON'T GET HER,
I'LL GO CRAZY *
* IF I DON'T GET HER,
I'LL GO CRAZY *
* HEY, DE-OLE,
DE-LITTLUM DAY... *
BARNEY!
OH, THELMA,
HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
WHAT?
BABY, YOU AND I
HAVE DONE IT.
WHAT?
WE HAVE JUST SENT A ROMANTIC
SPACESHIP INTO ORBIT.
YOU MEAN ANDY AND KAREN?
HOW WONDERFUL.
YEAH. I JUST HAD A
LONG TALK WITH THE BOY
AND HE IS PLEASED,
VERY PLEASED.
ISN'T THAT NICE?
HI, BARNEY.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO
GOIN' ON ABOUT?
WELL, MA'AM, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT
BUT YOU HAVE HOOKED
A MIGHTY BIG FISH.
I WHAT?
I GUESS IT'S NO SECRET,
SO I'LL TELL YA--
KAREN,
YOU HAVE PASSED MUSTER.
BARNEY, DON'T YOU
HAVE TO GO?
NO, I AIN'T IN NO RUSH.
PASSED MUSTER?
WHAT DO YOU
MEAN BY THAT?
WELL...
KAREN AND I
HAVE THINGS TO DO.
WHY DON'T
WE MEET YOU LATER?
NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
GO AHEAD, BARNEY.
WELL, ANDY LIKES YOU.
HE LIKES YOU A LOT.
TOLD ME SO THIS MORNIN'.
TOLD ME ALL ABOUT LAST NIGHT
AND HOW WELL YOU TWO HIT IT OFF
WHAT ALL YOU HAD
IN COMMON--
YOU LIKE SINGIN'
AND BEING ABLE TO
MAKE GOOSEBERRY PIE
AND LIKIN' CHILDREN.
YOU ANSWERED EVERY QUESTION
JUST RIGHT.
I DID? YOU MEAN, I
WAS BEING AUDITIONED?
YEAH.
BARNEY, WHY DON'T YOU
GO ON PATROL?
I WANT TO TELL KAREN EVERYTHING.
NO, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
KAREN,
ANDY WANTED TO FIND
OUT ALL ABOUT YOU
AND HE SURE DID.
AND HE LIKES WHAT HE FOUND OUT.
YOU'RE A LUCKY GIRL.
OH, I KNOW.
[ PHONE RINGS ]
HELLO?
WHY, HELLO, ANDY.
KAREN?
SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
ANDY WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
LUCKY ME.
HELLO?
TOMORROW AFTERNOON?
WELL, I'M JUST
THRILLED TO PIECES
THAT YOU'D ASK ME
FOR A DATE, ANDY,
BUT I JUST WON'T
BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.
WHAT? NO, NO, NO, NO.
JUST A MINUTE.
WHAT IS IT?
I KNOW WHAT
HE'S INVITIN' YOU TO,
AND YOU CAN'T
TURN HIM DOWN.
OH, I CAN'T?
NO, NO. HE WANTS YOU
TO COME TO THE SKEET SHOOT
AND YOU GOTTA COME.
TO THE WHAT?
THE SKEET SHOOT.
DON'T YOU SEE?
HE WANTS YOU TO BE THERE
SO'S HE CAN SHOW OFF IN FRONT
OF YOU WITH HIS SHOOTIN'.
THAT'S AS GOOD AS SAYIN'
YOU'RE NUMBER ONE WITH HIM.
OH, I SEE.
I'M SORRY, ANDY.
UH, WHERE WAS IT YOU SAID
YOU WANTED TO TAKE ME?
OH... WELL, OF COURSE,
I JUST LOVE SHOOTING.
I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
Man: PULL.
[ GUNSHOT ]
PULL.
[ GUNSHOT ]
MISSED THEM BOTH, ANDY.
YEAH, HE'S SHOOTIN'
BEHIND THEM.
THIS CONTEST IS GOING TO
BE A SHOO-IN FOR YOU.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU SEEN THAT
MISERABLE SHOOTIN'.
AIN'T NO WAY
FOR YOU TO LOSE.
YOU'RE GONNA WIN
THAT BIG CUP EASY, PAW.
WELL...
Man: PULL.
[ GUNSHOT ]
PULL.
[ GUNSHOT ]
MISSED AGAIN.
THAT WRAPS THEM UP.
ON THE FIRIN' LINE NEXT:
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR.
WISH ME LUCK.
WHERE'S KAREN?
HUH?
SHOOTIN' AGAINST SHERIFF TAYLOR
IS MISS KAREN MOORE.
[ CROWD MURMURS ]
KAREN, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
THEY TOLD ME THAT ANYONE
COULD ENTER THE CONTEST
SO I ENTERED.
BUT THIS IS A SKEET SHOOT.
WHY, YOU'LL HURT YOUR EARS.
WHAT'S YOUR COUSIN TRYIN' TO DO?
WHY DON'T WE JUST WATCH AND SEE?
Announcer: LEAD-OFF MAN
WILL BE SHERIFF TAYLOR.
ALL RIGHT, ANDY, STEP UP.
LET'S GO.
Man 2:
COME ON, ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.
Man 3:
YOU SHOW 'EM, SHERIFF.
PULL.
PULL.
MISS MOORE. NEXT, PLEASE.
IT'S STILL NOT TOO LATE
TO BACK OUT, KAREN.
AIN'T NO USE
TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF.
PULL.
Woman 1:
GOOD ONE, KAREN.
PULL.
SHE GOT 'EM BOTH.
SHE ACTUALLY HIT 'EM.
MY GOODNESS, THAT GIRL
CAN DO EVERYTHING.
YEAH, SHE CAN DO EVERYTHING.
PULL.
PULL.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
THE OTHER DAY
WHEN WE WAS SHOOTIN' CROWS
YOU DIDN'T EVEN
TOUCH THE GUN.
WELL, YOU DIDN'T
OFFER, REMEMBER?
I BELIEVE IT'S
YOUR TURN, SHERIFF.
PULL.
PULL.
Man: MISS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH PAW?
HE USUALLY DON'T MISS.
I'LL TELL YA
WHAT'S THE MATTER --
IT-IT'S A TRICK.
ANDY'S JUST
THROWIN' THE CONTEST
SO'S NOT TO MAKE HER
FEEL BAD.
WHY, ANDY WOULDN'T
DELIBERATELY LOSE.
I'M SURPRISED
AT YOU, BARNEY.
LOSIN' TO A WOMAN...
JIMINY.
IT'S THE END OF AN ERA.
ANDY, PLEASE.
FOLKS, THIS IS THE FINAL PAIR
OF DOUBLES.
PULL.
MISS.
MISS MOORE, PLEASE.
[ CROWD MURMURS ]
Woman 2:
SHE'S WONDERFUL, ISN'T SHE?
Man 4:
SHE'S GOOD.
PULL.
FINAL SCORE:
23 HITS FOR
SHERIFF TAYLOR
25 FOR MISS MOORE--
A PERFECT SCORE.
[ CROWD APPLAUDS ]
QUIET! QUIET!
QUIET! SETTLE DOWN!
HERE YOU ARE,
MISS MOORE...
AND CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT WAS MIGHTY
GOOD SHOOTIN'.
[ CROWD CHEERS ]
WELL, I'LL SEE
YOU LATER, ANDY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
CARRY THAT FOR YA?
I'LL TAKE THAT.
YOU BEEN
HUMILIATED ENOUGH.
NOW, BARNEY...
I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED,
MISS CITY SLICKER.
TRYIN' TO MAKE A FOOL
OUT OF ANDY
IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE TOWN.
I WAS JUST TRYIN'
TO SHOW ANDY
HOW MUCH WE
HAVE IN COMMON.
YOU DID WANT TO KNOW
ALL ABOUT ME,
DIDN'T YOU?
NOW YOU KNOW.
BUT DO YOU KNOW SOMETHIN'?
I DON'T THINK I TRULY KNOW
ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU.
LET'S SEE, NOW--
YOULIKE MUSIC.
WELL, I...
DO YOU LIKE OPERA, MODERN,
CLASSICAL?
I COULDN'T...
AND BOOKS--
DO YOU LIKE FICTION
OR NONFICTION?
WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE
AMERICAN AUTHOR?
I, UH...
OH, AND PLEASE
JUST TELL ME ONE THING:
DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD EVER MAKE A LIVIN'
AT ANYTHING BESIDES SHERIFFIN'?
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND MY
ASKIN' YOU ALL THESE QUESTIONS,
BUT THESE ARE THINGS
I REALLY HAVE TO KNOW
SO I CAN EVALUATE YOU PROPERLY.
YOU KNOW, PASS MUSTER.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN'
TO DO HERE?
IT'S ALL
VERY SIMPLE.
WHEN MR. TAYLOR GAVE ME
THE THRILL AND HONOR
OF OKAYING ME
AS WORTHY OF HIS ATTENTIONS,
I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE AWFULLY NICE
IF I COULD AWARD HIM
THE SAME THRILL.
I'LL TELL YOU,
MR. TAYLOR,
I'LL CONSIDER ALL
OF YOUR QUALITIES
AND I'LL LET YOU KNOW
IF YOU MADE THE GRADE.
WELL,
OF ALL THE UNMITIGATED GALL.
YEP.
I SURE HAD IT.
YOU?
EVERYTHING THAT SHE DISHED OUT,
I HAD COMIN'.
WELL, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE.
WELL, BARNEY, LET'S
JUST PUT IT LIKE THIS:
I JUST COME IN SECOND
IN ANOTHER CONTEST--
THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES.
MAYBE SECOND AIN'T SO BAD.
HEY, KAREN, WAIT UP!
I STILL CAN'T GET OVER IT.
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T
TELL ME YOU WAS
THE WOMAN SKEET SHOOTING
CHAMPION OF ARKANSAS?
SHE WANTED TO, BUT YOU NEVER
LET HER GET AROUND TO IT.
WELL, SHE SURE TOLD ME
GOOD WHEN SHE DID.
I HOPE YOU WEREN'T
TOO ANGRY, ANDY.
OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU
TO COME OUT AND DO A LITTLE
TARGET PRACTICE WITH US.
I LIKE TO WATCH
A CHAMPION AT WORK.
DON'T YOU, BARN?
YEAH, SURE.
I KNOW HOW YOU ARE
WITH A SHOTGUN,
BUT HOW ARE YOU
WITH A PISTOL?
PRETTY GOOD.
WOW!
NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL SOME
KIND OF FINE SHOOTIN'!
WELL, THANK YOU, ANDY.
HOW ABOUT THAT, BARN?
YEAH. OF COURSE,
IT AIN'T TOO DIFFICULT
WHEN YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE
TAKING CAREFUL AIM LIKE THAT.
OF COURSE,
IT'S ANOTHER STORY
WHEN YOU GOT TO MAKE
A QUICK DRAW.
SHOW IT TO US, BARNEY.
SHOW US A QUICK DRAW.
PLEASE, BARNEY.
YEAH!
YOU OUGHT TO SEE.
YEAH.
REAL GOOD?
YEAH.
I CAN'T BUDGE HER.
DOGGONE IT, THELMA LOU,
IF YOUR COUSIN
JUST MET ANDY ONCE,
I KNOW SHE'D LIKE HIM.
I KNOW IT.
BUT KAREN SAYS
THAT SHE DIDN'T COME ALL
THE WAY FROM ARKANSAS
FOR MAN-HUNTING.
SHE'S HERE ON A VACATION
AND THAT'S THAT.
HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO ANDY?
WELL, NO.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I'M AFRAID TO.
AFRAID TO? WHY?
WELL, ANDY SAYS
HE'S BEEN BURNED BY ME
AND THEM BLIND DATES.
WHEN WAS THAT?
OH, ONCE I GOT HIM TO GO OUT
WITH THIS GIRL VISITING
FROM DETROIT-- MELINDA KIEFER.
SO WHAT IF SHE HAD FAT KNEES
AND TALKED A LOT.
IT WAS JUST A DATE.
THAT WAS JUST ONCE?
WELL, NO-- ANOTHER TIME
I ARRANGED A DATE WITH A GIRL
THAT HE CLAIMS LOOKED
JUST LIKE BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.
HE'S KIND OF LOST FAITH
IN ME AND BLIND DATES
AND I KNOW WHAT'LL HAPPEN
IF I BRING IT UP.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
KAREN LOOKS LIKE.
BARNEY, THERE'S ONLY
ONE WAY TO DO THIS
AND THAT'S JUST
THROW 'EM TOGETHER.
WELL, HOW'LL WE DO THAT?
WELL, I'LL JUST HAPPEN
TO GET KAREN
OVER TO THE COFFEE SHOP
AROUND 3:00
AND YOU JUST HAPPEN TO GET ANDY
OVER THERE AROUND 3:00.
A-AND LET NATURE
DO THE REST, HUH?
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.
LET'S DO THAT.
BUT BARNEY, BE CAREFUL
HOW YOU MANEUVER
ANDY OVER THERE.
DON'T EVEN HINT THAT
IT'S TO MEET MY COUSIN.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I KNOW JUST HOW I'LL WORK IT.
I'LL SAY, "ANDY..."
YOU KNOW, REAL CASUAL-LIKE...
"HOW ABOUT GOING OUT
AND GETTING A CUP OF COFFEE?"
HE'LL SAY, "WHAT FOR?"
AND I'LL SAY,
"JUST TO RELAX AND TALK."
THEN HE'LL PROBABLY SAY "WHY
CAN'T WE DO THAT HERE?"
AND I'LL SAY, "LET'S GET AWAY
FROM THE OFFICE FOR A WHILE."
AND HE'LL KEEP
THINKING UP EXCUSES
AND I'LL KEEP
GIVING HIM REASONS.
BEFORE HE KNOWS IT,
HE'LL BE THERE.
GOOD.
DON'T WORRY-- YOU'RE TALKING
TO "SUBTLE" BARNEY FIFE.
HE WON'T KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING TO HIM.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
HEY, AND?
HMM?
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE MOSEY
OVER TO THE COFFEE SHOP
AND HAVE A LITTLE CUP
OF COFFEE, HUH?
WHAT FOR?
OH, JUST TO... RELAX AND TALK.
WE CAN DO THAT HERE.
YEAH, BUT, UH, YOU KNOW
SORT OF GET AWAY FROM THE OFFICE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
WELL, WHAT FOR?
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
WELL, UH...
ANDY... LET'S GO OVER
TO THE COFFEE SHOP
AND HAVE
A CUP OF COFFEE.
WHY?
TO MEET THELMA LOU'S COUSIN
FROM ARKANSAS!
WHAT?
THELMA LOU'S COUSIN
IS IN TOWN FROM ARKANSAS.
I PROMISED I'D GET YOU
TO THE COFFEE SHOP AT 3:00
AND IF I DON'T,
THELMA LOU'LL BE MAD AT ME.
OKAY.
IT AIN'T OFTEN I ASK YOU
TO DO ME A FAVOR,
BUT THE ONE TIME I DO
YOU'D THINK YOU'D BE
A LITTLE MORE COOPERATIVE.
ALL I ASK IS
A SIMPLE THING...
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
OVER TO THE COFFEE SHOP
TO MEET THELMA LOU'S COUSIN.
YOU COMING?
YOU SON OF A GUN.
YOU WAS GOIN' TO DO IT
ALL THE TIME, WASN'T YOU?
GIVE ME THE SUGAR,
WILL YA, ANDY?
HELP YOURSELF.
NO KIDDING.
WAIT'LL YOU SEE HER.
SHE'S REALLY ATTRACTIVE.
THAT'S WHAT YOU
SAID ABOUT BENJIE.
BENJIE?
THE ONE THAT LOOKED LIKE
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN.
OH, NO, NO, REALLY, THIS
ONE'S REALLY ATTRACTIVE.
OOH-OOH-OH, FOR HEAVEN'S
SAKE, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
IT'S THELMA LOU AND
HER ATTRACTIVE COUSIN.
WELL, FOR GOODNESS' SAKE,
LOOK WHO'S HERE--
BARNEY AND ANDY!
IMAGINE RUNNING
INTO YOU TWO.
YEAH, THIS IS
A SURPRISE, ISN'T IT?
WELL, IT CERTAINLY IS.
OH, I'M SORRY.
YOU TWO HAVEN'T MET,
HAVE YOU?
KAREN,
THIS IS
SHERIFF TAYLOR.
ANDY, MEET MY COUSIN--
KAREN WORTH.
HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
NICE TO SEE YOU.
THANK YOU.
SAY, AS LONG AS
WE'RE ALL HERE TOGETHER,
WHY DON'T WE TAKE A BOOTH?
HEY, THAT'S A PEACH
OF AN IDEA, THELMA LOU.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S DO THAT.
COME ON, KAREN.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY THESE TWO HAVE A
LOT TO TALK ABOUT,
SO LET'S, UH, GO OUTSIDE.
BARNEY...
I'VE GOT SHOPPING TO DO.
WELL, I'LL DRIVE YOU.
BARNEY...
THELMA LOU...
DO YOU GET
THE FLEETIN' FEELIN'
THAT WE'RE BEING
THROWN TOGETHER?
WELL, THE THOUGHT DID
SORT OF ENTER MY HEAD.
YEAH. BARNEY'S
ABOUT AS SUBTLE
AS A PIG SQUEALING
FOR HIS SUPPER.
IF YOU'D RATHER NOT...
OH, NO...
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I RATHER WOULD.
BESIDES, YOU KNOW, THEY'VE
GONE TO SO MUCH TROUBLE
TO GET US TOGETHER,
I'M AFRAID IT'D
BREAK THEIR HEARTS
IF THEY THOUGHT
THEY'D FAILED.
YEAH.
DO YOU THINK WE OUGHT
TO GET MARRIED
BEFORE OR AFTER THE COFFEE?
WELL, I BELIEVE IN LONG
ENGAGEMENTS MYSELF,
SO LET'S MAKE IT AFTER.
AFTER.
[ LAUGHS ]
[ DOOR OPENS ]
WELL? WELL? HUH?
WELL?
WELL? YEAH? YEAH?
WELL?
WELL, WHAT?
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN?
AT THE COFFEE SHOP.
AT THE COFFEE SHOP?
BETWEEN YOU AND KAREN.
OH, OH, OH...
WE HAD COFFEE.
AND? AND? AND? AND?
AND WHAT?
WELL, WHAT HAPPENED
AFTER YOU HAD THE COFFEE?
WE GOT MARRIED.
OH, GOOD! I KNEW
YOU TWO'D--
YOU GOT MARRIED?
AW, COME ON, ANDY.
BOY, YOU'RE FUNNY,
YOU ARE.
YOU OUGHT TO GO
ON THE RADIO
AND BE AN ALL-NIGHT
DISC JOCKEY.
AT LEAST THEN
I COULD TURN YOU OFF.
NOW, SIMMER DOWN, BARNEY.
YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW
THAT WE HIT IT OFF JUST FINE
AND WE GOT A DATE
FOR TOMORROW.
NO KIDDING!
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING
TO TAKE HER?
PICTURE SHOW?
A DANCE?
MAYBE YOU'LL GO
FOR A NICE, LONG DRIVE, HUH?
AS A MATTER OF FACT
I FIGURE ON TAKING HER
OUT TO FINNEGAN FLATS
AND DO A LITTLE
CROW-SHOOTING.
YEAH, FINNEGAN FLATS...
CROW-SHOOTING?!
OH, FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD, ANDY!
NOW, BARNEY...
YOU CALL THAT A PLACE
TO TAKE A WOMAN?
BOY, YOU'RE SOME LOVER.
WELL, IT HAPPENS THAT
I HAD IT ALL PLANNED
TO GO DO A LITTLE
CROW-SHOOTING
AND I ASKED HER IF SHE'D
LIKE TO COME ALONG
AND SHE SAID FINE.
COURSE, IF YOU
THINK IT'S WRONG
I CAN CALL THE
WHOLE THING OFF.
NO, NO, NO, I GUESS THAT'S
ALL RIGHT FOR A STARTER.
JUST GO RIGHT AHEAD
AS PLANNED.
GO AHEAD AS PLANNED?
YEAH.
WELL, I APPRECIATE THAT.
WELL, SINCE YOU
APPROVE, THEN,
I GUESS I'LL GO OUT AND
GET SOME SHOTGUN SHELLS.
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT?
[ SIGHS ]
LOOKS LIKE I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO GUIDE THE KID ALL THE WAY.
YOU LIKE HIM, HUH?
MM-HMM.
AND YOU ALREADY
MADE A DATE?
MM-HMM.
OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
MOVIES? DANCING?
OR JUST A DRIVE
IN THE MOONLIGHT?
WE'RE GOING OUT
TO SHOOT CROWS.
SHOOT CROWS?!
WHY NOT? YOU KNOW ME
WHEN IT COMES TO SHOOTING.
I COULDN'T BE MORE PLEASED.
THEN YOU TOLD HIM
YOU'RE A SKEET CHAMPION?
NO, DEAR.
IT DIDN'T COME UP.
BUT IT PROBABLY WILL TOMORROW.
BUT CROW-SHOOTING?
WELL, WE'LL JUST GET
EVERYTHING HERE.
HERE, LET ME HELP YOU WITH
SOME OF THESE THINGS.
OH, NO, WE CAN'T HAVE YOU
COMING WAY OFF UP HERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COUNTRY
CARRYING ANYTHING.
OH, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.
I CAN CARRY SOMETHING.
LET ME TAKE THE BASKET.
WELL, NOW, THAT THERMOS
IS LEAKING A LITTLE.
DON'T GET ANYTHING ON
THAT PRETTY DRESS.
NO, I WON'T.
RIGHT OVER HERE.
YOU KNOW, ANDY,
THIS IS SOME
OF THE PRETTIEST COUNTRY
I'VE EVER SEEN.
YEAH.
SEE THAT ROCK RIGHT OVER THERE
THAT LOOKS LIKE AN EAGLE?
OH, MM-HMM.
YEAH, WE CALL
THAT EAGLE ROCK.
OH, I SEE.
COME ON OVER HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, THIS IS A GOOD
PLACE RIGHT HERE.
OH, THIS IS FINE.
YEAH.
AND YOU...
SIT RIGHT DOWN HERE
ON THAT STOOL RIGHT THERE.
ANDY, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO FUSS OVER ME LIKE THAT.
WELL... THERE'S USUALLY
SOME PRETTY GOOD
CROW-SHOOTING AROUND HERE.
OH, REALLY?
YEAH.
I SURE AM GLAD
YOU COULD COME ALONG.
I SURE AM GLAD YOU ASKED ME.
YOU LIKE TO WATCH SHOOTIN',
DO YA?
I LOVE IT.
MOST WOMEN DON'T LIKE
TO BE AROUND SHOOTIN'.
WELL, THAT SURE
ISN'T TRUE OF ME.
ANDY, YOU SEE --
COVER YOUR EARS.
[ GUNSHOT ]
ANDY, I...
[ GUNSHOT ]
HUH.
I MISSED HIM
JUST THE LEAST LITTLE BIT THERE.
YES, YOU SURE DID.
I GUESS I WASN'T
LEADING HIM ENOUGH.
WELL, I'LL GET THE NEXT 'UN.
SURE, YOU WILL.
COVER YOUR EARS.
[ GUNSHOTS ]
I HAD THE GUN RIGHT ON HIM.
I'M GONNA HAVE TO GET ME
SOME NEW SIGHTS.
MM.
I HOPE THIS NOISE
DIDN'T BOTHER YOU.
NO.
I'M GETTING USED TO IT.
YOU SURE DO GET USED
TO THINGS FAST
DON'T YOU?
YOU KNOW, I-I ALWAYS
DID THINK THIS WAS...
THIS WAS PRETTY COUNTRY
BUT... IF YOU'LL
EXCUSE ME A-SAYING IT
YOU SURE DO MAKE IT LOOK
A WHOLE LOT PRETTIER.
THANK YOU, ANDY.
YOU, AN EXPERT WITH A GUN,
DIDN'T EVEN GET TO SHOOT?
DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM?
I TRIED TO
TWO OR THREE TIMES,
BUT I JUST NEVER
GOT AROUND TO IT.
BESIDES, IT DIDN'T MATTER.
NO?
NO, IT WASN'T NECESSARY.
I LIKED THE DAY
JUST AS IT WAS.
HE DIDN'T TREAT ME
LIKE A CRACK SHOT.
HE TREATED ME
LIKE A LADY.
AND I LIKED IT.
REALLY?
WHAT'S MORE, I'M GOING TO HIS
HOUSE FOR SUPPER TONIGHT.
WONDERFUL!
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GOING TO CALL BARNEY
AND GIVE HIM A PROGRESS REPORT.
WELL? WELL? WELL?
WELL, WHAT?
WHAT HAPPENED
WITH YOU AND KAREN?
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
WITH ME AND KAREN.
I TOOK HER CROW-SHOOTIN'.
I KNOW YOU DID.
AND...?
WE HAD A GOOD TIME.
YOU DID?
VERY NICE.
VERY, VERY, VERY NICE.
I KNEW YOU WOULD,
I JUST KNEW YOU WOULD.
YOU THINK MAYBE YOU
AND KAREN MIGHT, UH...
[ WHISTLING "WEDDING MARCH" ]
WHOA, NO, NO.
NOW, NO, IT'S A LITTLE
TOO EARLY FOR THAT.
WELL...
I'LL HAVE TO TALK
TO HER A LITTLE BIT.
FIND OUT A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT HER.
OH, I TALKED
TO HER A LITTLE.
FOUND OUT A LITTLE
BIT ABOUT HER.
AND THEN TONIGHT WHEN I
HAVE HER OVER FOR SUPPER...
SUPPER, GOOD, GOOD.
AFTER SUPPER WE'LL GO
IN THE LIVIN' ROOM.
ME AND AUNT BEE WILL TALK
TO HER A LITTLE BIT MORE.
SEE HOW SHE MEASURES UP.
BUT SO FAR SHE MEASURES UP
PRETTY GOOD, HUH?
OH, YOU BETTER KNOW IT.
[ LAUGHING ]
MORE COFFEE,
MISS KAREN?
NO, THANK YOU,
AUNT BEE.
MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO GET UP
FROM THE TABLE
AND GO IN YONDER?
THAT'D BE FINE.
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON, OP.
WELL, THANK YOU,
GENTLEMEN.
OPIE, MAYBE
YOU BETTER GO UP
AND GET READY
TO GO TO BED, HUH?
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
SIT DOWN HERE.
PAW?
HUH?
CAN MISS KAREN
READ ME A STORY?
OPIE, I'D LOVE TO.
OPIE, YOUR PAW AND I'D LIKE
TO TALK WITH MISS KAREN.
SHE'LL DO IT ANOTHER TIME.
MAYBE SHE'LL
COME AGAIN.
SURE HOPE SO.
SHE'S NICE.
THANK YOU, OPIE.
GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, PAW.
SLEEP TIGHT.
OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT, AUNT BEE.
GOOD NIGHT.
SEE YOU IN THE MORNIN'.
OKAY.
GOOD NIGHT, OPIE,
AND PLEASANT DREAMS.
OKAY.
HE SURE IS A CUTE LITTLE GUY,
ISN'T HE?
OH, WE'RE PROUD OF HIM.
UH...
DO YOU LIKE LITTLE BOYS?
OH, I LOVE 'EM,
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE
AS CUTE AS THAT ONE.
OH, WELL, MUCH OBLIGED.
AUNT BEE, THAT WAS AS
GOOD A GOOSEBERRY PIE
AS I EVER PUT
IN MY MOUTH.
KAREN, MAYBE
YOU'D LIKE
ANOTHER PIECE
OF PIE?
OH, NO.
NO, I COULDN'T, REALLY.
I JUST ATE TOO MUCH DINNER.
[ CHUCKLING ]
DO YOU BAKE PIES
YOURSELF?
YES, I DO.
NOT GOOSEBERRY?
OH, YES.
NOT AS GOOD AS AUNT BEE'S.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S
ANDY'S FAVORITE.
OH, REALLY?
THAT'S A MYSTERY
I'M READIN'.
OH, REALLY?
YOU LIKE 'EM?
I LOVE 'EM--
THE SCARIER, THE BETTER.
OH, AIN'T IT
A SIGHT?
UH...
DO YOU LIKE MUSIC?
YES, I DO.
ANDY, PLAY US
A LITTLE SOMETHING.
OH, AUNT BEE...
I'M SURE
KAREN WOULD LOVE IT.
OH, WELL...
OH, NOW, GO ON.
OH, AUNT BEE,
SHE DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THIS OLD COUNTRY GUITAR.
HE PLAYS
AND HE SINGS WELL, TOO.
WELL, IT'S NOT GOOD,
BUT IT'S LOUD.
I'D REALLY LOVE
TO HEAR SOMETHING.
WELL, LET ME SIT OVER HERE,
CLOSE TO THE CROWD.
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, NOW, LET'S SEE.
WHAT'LL I PLAY?
PLAY SOMETHING
LIVELY.
PICK A LITTLE OF
"SOURWOOD MOUNTAIN."
I KNOW THAT ONE.
YOU DO?
YEAH, WELL,
PARTS OF IT.
* CHICKENS GROW
ON OLD SOURWOOD MOUNTAIN *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* SO MANY PRETTY GIRLS,
I CAN'T COUNT 'EM *
* SO MANY PRETTY GIRLS,
I CAN'T COUNT 'EM *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* OLD MAN, OLD MAN,
I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER *
* OLD MAN, OLD MAN,
I WANT YOUR DAUGHTER *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* BAKE ME BREAD
AND TOTE ME WATER *
* BAKE ME BREAD
AND TOTE ME WATER *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* MY TRUE LOVE'S
A BLUE-EYED DAISY *
* MY TRUE LOVE'S
A BLUE-EYED DAISY *
* HEY, DE-OLE, DE-LITTLUM DAY *
* IF I DON'T GET HER,
I'LL GO CRAZY *
* IF I DON'T GET HER,
I'LL GO CRAZY *
* HEY, DE-OLE,
DE-LITTLUM DAY... *
BARNEY!
OH, THELMA,
HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU.
WHAT?
BABY, YOU AND I
HAVE DONE IT.
WHAT?
WE HAVE JUST SENT A ROMANTIC
SPACESHIP INTO ORBIT.
YOU MEAN ANDY AND KAREN?
HOW WONDERFUL.
YEAH. I JUST HAD A
LONG TALK WITH THE BOY
AND HE IS PLEASED,
VERY PLEASED.
ISN'T THAT NICE?
HI, BARNEY.
WHAT ARE YOU TWO
GOIN' ON ABOUT?
WELL, MA'AM, I DON'T KNOW
IF YOU REALIZE IT OR NOT
BUT YOU HAVE HOOKED
A MIGHTY BIG FISH.
I WHAT?
I GUESS IT'S NO SECRET,
SO I'LL TELL YA--
KAREN,
YOU HAVE PASSED MUSTER.
BARNEY, DON'T YOU
HAVE TO GO?
NO, I AIN'T IN NO RUSH.
PASSED MUSTER?
WHAT DO YOU
MEAN BY THAT?
WELL...
KAREN AND I
HAVE THINGS TO DO.
WHY DON'T
WE MEET YOU LATER?
NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
GO AHEAD, BARNEY.
WELL, ANDY LIKES YOU.
HE LIKES YOU A LOT.
TOLD ME SO THIS MORNIN'.
TOLD ME ALL ABOUT LAST NIGHT
AND HOW WELL YOU TWO HIT IT OFF
WHAT ALL YOU HAD
IN COMMON--
YOU LIKE SINGIN'
AND BEING ABLE TO
MAKE GOOSEBERRY PIE
AND LIKIN' CHILDREN.
YOU ANSWERED EVERY QUESTION
JUST RIGHT.
I DID? YOU MEAN, I
WAS BEING AUDITIONED?
YEAH.
BARNEY, WHY DON'T YOU
GO ON PATROL?
I WANT TO TELL KAREN EVERYTHING.
NO, THIS IS IMPORTANT.
KAREN,
ANDY WANTED TO FIND
OUT ALL ABOUT YOU
AND HE SURE DID.
AND HE LIKES WHAT HE FOUND OUT.
YOU'RE A LUCKY GIRL.
OH, I KNOW.
[ PHONE RINGS ]
HELLO?
WHY, HELLO, ANDY.
KAREN?
SHE'S RIGHT HERE.
ANDY WANTS TO TALK TO YOU.
LUCKY ME.
HELLO?
TOMORROW AFTERNOON?
WELL, I'M JUST
THRILLED TO PIECES
THAT YOU'D ASK ME
FOR A DATE, ANDY,
BUT I JUST WON'T
BE ABLE TO MAKE IT.
WHAT? NO, NO, NO, NO.
JUST A MINUTE.
WHAT IS IT?
I KNOW WHAT
HE'S INVITIN' YOU TO,
AND YOU CAN'T
TURN HIM DOWN.
OH, I CAN'T?
NO, NO. HE WANTS YOU
TO COME TO THE SKEET SHOOT
AND YOU GOTTA COME.
TO THE WHAT?
THE SKEET SHOOT.
DON'T YOU SEE?
HE WANTS YOU TO BE THERE
SO'S HE CAN SHOW OFF IN FRONT
OF YOU WITH HIS SHOOTIN'.
THAT'S AS GOOD AS SAYIN'
YOU'RE NUMBER ONE WITH HIM.
OH, I SEE.
I'M SORRY, ANDY.
UH, WHERE WAS IT YOU SAID
YOU WANTED TO TAKE ME?
OH... WELL, OF COURSE,
I JUST LOVE SHOOTING.
I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR
ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
Man: PULL.
[ GUNSHOT ]
PULL.
[ GUNSHOT ]
MISSED THEM BOTH, ANDY.
YEAH, HE'S SHOOTIN'
BEHIND THEM.
THIS CONTEST IS GOING TO
BE A SHOO-IN FOR YOU.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU SEEN THAT
MISERABLE SHOOTIN'.
AIN'T NO WAY
FOR YOU TO LOSE.
YOU'RE GONNA WIN
THAT BIG CUP EASY, PAW.
WELL...
Man: PULL.
[ GUNSHOT ]
PULL.
[ GUNSHOT ]
MISSED AGAIN.
THAT WRAPS THEM UP.
ON THE FIRIN' LINE NEXT:
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR.
WISH ME LUCK.
WHERE'S KAREN?
HUH?
SHOOTIN' AGAINST SHERIFF TAYLOR
IS MISS KAREN MOORE.
[ CROWD MURMURS ]
KAREN, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
THEY TOLD ME THAT ANYONE
COULD ENTER THE CONTEST
SO I ENTERED.
BUT THIS IS A SKEET SHOOT.
WHY, YOU'LL HURT YOUR EARS.
WHAT'S YOUR COUSIN TRYIN' TO DO?
WHY DON'T WE JUST WATCH AND SEE?
Announcer: LEAD-OFF MAN
WILL BE SHERIFF TAYLOR.
ALL RIGHT, ANDY, STEP UP.
LET'S GO.
Man 2:
COME ON, ANDY, YOU CAN DO IT.
Man 3:
YOU SHOW 'EM, SHERIFF.
PULL.
PULL.
MISS MOORE. NEXT, PLEASE.
IT'S STILL NOT TOO LATE
TO BACK OUT, KAREN.
AIN'T NO USE
TO MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF.
PULL.
Woman 1:
GOOD ONE, KAREN.
PULL.
SHE GOT 'EM BOTH.
SHE ACTUALLY HIT 'EM.
MY GOODNESS, THAT GIRL
CAN DO EVERYTHING.
YEAH, SHE CAN DO EVERYTHING.
PULL.
PULL.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.
THE OTHER DAY
WHEN WE WAS SHOOTIN' CROWS
YOU DIDN'T EVEN
TOUCH THE GUN.
WELL, YOU DIDN'T
OFFER, REMEMBER?
I BELIEVE IT'S
YOUR TURN, SHERIFF.
PULL.
PULL.
Man: MISS.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH PAW?
HE USUALLY DON'T MISS.
I'LL TELL YA
WHAT'S THE MATTER --
IT-IT'S A TRICK.
ANDY'S JUST
THROWIN' THE CONTEST
SO'S NOT TO MAKE HER
FEEL BAD.
WHY, ANDY WOULDN'T
DELIBERATELY LOSE.
I'M SURPRISED
AT YOU, BARNEY.
LOSIN' TO A WOMAN...
JIMINY.
IT'S THE END OF AN ERA.
ANDY, PLEASE.
FOLKS, THIS IS THE FINAL PAIR
OF DOUBLES.
PULL.
MISS.
MISS MOORE, PLEASE.
[ CROWD MURMURS ]
Woman 2:
SHE'S WONDERFUL, ISN'T SHE?
Man 4:
SHE'S GOOD.
PULL.
FINAL SCORE:
23 HITS FOR
SHERIFF TAYLOR
25 FOR MISS MOORE--
A PERFECT SCORE.
[ CROWD APPLAUDS ]
QUIET! QUIET!
QUIET! SETTLE DOWN!
HERE YOU ARE,
MISS MOORE...
AND CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT WAS MIGHTY
GOOD SHOOTIN'.
[ CROWD CHEERS ]
WELL, I'LL SEE
YOU LATER, ANDY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
CARRY THAT FOR YA?
I'LL TAKE THAT.
YOU BEEN
HUMILIATED ENOUGH.
NOW, BARNEY...
I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED,
MISS CITY SLICKER.
TRYIN' TO MAKE A FOOL
OUT OF ANDY
IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE TOWN.
I WAS JUST TRYIN'
TO SHOW ANDY
HOW MUCH WE
HAVE IN COMMON.
YOU DID WANT TO KNOW
ALL ABOUT ME,
DIDN'T YOU?
NOW YOU KNOW.
BUT DO YOU KNOW SOMETHIN'?
I DON'T THINK I TRULY KNOW
ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU.
LET'S SEE, NOW--
YOULIKE MUSIC.
WELL, I...
DO YOU LIKE OPERA, MODERN,
CLASSICAL?
I COULDN'T...
AND BOOKS--
DO YOU LIKE FICTION
OR NONFICTION?
WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE
AMERICAN AUTHOR?
I, UH...
OH, AND PLEASE
JUST TELL ME ONE THING:
DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD EVER MAKE A LIVIN'
AT ANYTHING BESIDES SHERIFFIN'?
I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND MY
ASKIN' YOU ALL THESE QUESTIONS,
BUT THESE ARE THINGS
I REALLY HAVE TO KNOW
SO I CAN EVALUATE YOU PROPERLY.
YOU KNOW, PASS MUSTER.
WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN'
TO DO HERE?
IT'S ALL
VERY SIMPLE.
WHEN MR. TAYLOR GAVE ME
THE THRILL AND HONOR
OF OKAYING ME
AS WORTHY OF HIS ATTENTIONS,
I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE AWFULLY NICE
IF I COULD AWARD HIM
THE SAME THRILL.
I'LL TELL YOU,
MR. TAYLOR,
I'LL CONSIDER ALL
OF YOUR QUALITIES
AND I'LL LET YOU KNOW
IF YOU MADE THE GRADE.
WELL,
OF ALL THE UNMITIGATED GALL.
YEP.
I SURE HAD IT.
YOU?
EVERYTHING THAT SHE DISHED OUT,
I HAD COMIN'.
WELL, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE.
WELL, BARNEY, LET'S
JUST PUT IT LIKE THIS:
I JUST COME IN SECOND
IN ANOTHER CONTEST--
THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES.
MAYBE SECOND AIN'T SO BAD.
HEY, KAREN, WAIT UP!
I STILL CAN'T GET OVER IT.
HOW COME YOU DIDN'T
TELL ME YOU WAS
THE WOMAN SKEET SHOOTING
CHAMPION OF ARKANSAS?
SHE WANTED TO, BUT YOU NEVER
LET HER GET AROUND TO IT.
WELL, SHE SURE TOLD ME
GOOD WHEN SHE DID.
I HOPE YOU WEREN'T
TOO ANGRY, ANDY.
OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S WHY I ASKED YOU
TO COME OUT AND DO A LITTLE
TARGET PRACTICE WITH US.
I LIKE TO WATCH
A CHAMPION AT WORK.
DON'T YOU, BARN?
YEAH, SURE.
I KNOW HOW YOU ARE
WITH A SHOTGUN,
BUT HOW ARE YOU
WITH A PISTOL?
PRETTY GOOD.
WOW!
NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL SOME
KIND OF FINE SHOOTIN'!
WELL, THANK YOU, ANDY.
HOW ABOUT THAT, BARN?
YEAH. OF COURSE,
IT AIN'T TOO DIFFICULT
WHEN YOU'RE JUST STANDING THERE
TAKING CAREFUL AIM LIKE THAT.
OF COURSE,
IT'S ANOTHER STORY
WHEN YOU GOT TO MAKE
A QUICK DRAW.
SHOW IT TO US, BARNEY.
SHOW US A QUICK DRAW.
PLEASE, BARNEY.
YEAH!
YOU OUGHT TO SEE.
YEAH.
REAL GOOD?
YEAH.