The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 2, Episode 31 - Deputy Otis - full transcript
When Otis receives a letter from his sister-in-law addressed to him at the courthouse, he admits to Andy that his relatives think he's a Deputy Sheriff in Mayberry. The mix-up started when he wrote to them on official letterhead and they jumped to conclusions and he let them go on believing it. Now his older brother Ralph is coming to visit and Otis is ashamed of what they will see when they get there. Otis was always the black sheep of the family and was always encouraged to make something of himself and be more like his older brother Ralph. Andy's solution is simple: make Otis a Deputy for the duration of his family's visit. Otis stays sober while they are there but he learns something about his brother that shocks him.
BOY, I SURE COULDA USED
MORE SHUTEYE, YOU KNOW THAT?
YEP.
( Barney yawns )
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I DON'T SEEM
TO HAVE MY KEYS.
OH.
WELL, USE MINE.
THAT'S A GOOD THING
ABOUT HAVIN' TWO SETS--
YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY,
UH...WHAT THE...
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
UH...
I DON'T SEEM TO
HAVE MINE EITHER.
HOW ARE WE GONNA GET IN?
I DON'T KNOW.
OTIS.
FRIDAY NIGHT--
HE MUSTA COME IN
WITH A LOAD LAST NIGHT
AND LOCKED HISSELF UP.
I'LL BET. YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH, THERE HE IS.
( rapping on window )
OTIS?
( rapping on window )
OTIS! HEY, OTIS!
LET US IN!
OTIS! OTIS!
HEY, OTIS!
OH, UH,
WE'RE LOCKED OUT.
WELL, HE CAN'T HEAR US.
WE MIGHT AS WELL
GO AROUND THE BACK.
YEAH.
( snoring )
OTIS?
HEY, OTIS!
OTIS, WAKE UP.
WE GOT TO
GET IN THERE.
( rapping on window )
HEY, OTIS,
IT'S ME, UP HERE.
WHERE?
AT THE WINDOW.
HEY, OTIS?
GO UNLOCK THE
FRONT DOOR, WILL YA?
WE DON'T HAVE OUR KEYS.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
( Otis moaning )
TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP
AROUND HERE, JUST TRY!
AH, THIS PLACE IS GETTIN'
AS BAD AS HOME.
MIGHT JUST AS WELL
GO HOME AND SLEEP
AND LISTEN TO THAT WIFE'A MINE
YAMMER, YAMMER,
YAMMER, YAMMER AWAY.
AW...
( sighs )
THANKS, OTIS.
SORRY TO WAKE YOU.
OKAY, OKAY. BRING YOUR
KEYS NEXT TIME, WILL YA?
WHAT YOU
SO GROUCHY ABOUT?
I DIDN'T GET MY
FULL EIGHT HOURS
AND WHEN I DON'T GET
MY FULL EIGHT HOURS
I'M GROUCHY.
DO YOU MIND?
MMM.
WE BETTER REMEMBER TO
BRING OUR KEYS HEREAFTER.
( Andy chuckling )
ANYTHING IN THE MAIL?
NAW, NOTHIN' MUCH.
IT'S ALL FOR
THE SAME GUY--
OCCUPANT
OCCUPANT
OCCUPANT
OCCUPANT...
OH! HERE'S A CARD FROM
THE HUBACHER BROTHERS
UP AT THE STATE PRISON.
OH. WHAT DOES IT SAY?
WELL, LET'S SEE.
IT SAYS, UH, "HI
FROM STATE PRISON.
"CELEBRATED OUR
SECOND ANNIVERSARY
HERE LAST SATURDAY.
"THE BOYS IN OUR
ROW GOT TOGETHER
"AND THREW US
A LITTLE PARTY.
"IT WAS REAL NICE.
"JUNIOR SANG 'MY LITTLE
GREY HOME IN THE WEST'
AND WHEN HE GOT DONE,
WE NOTICED THE WARDEN
WAS WIPING HIS EYES."
THAT'S SWEET,
YOU KNOW THAT?
YEAH.
HAS IT BEEN
TWO YEARS ALREADY?
YEAH.
YEAH.
SEEMS LIKE
IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY
THEY WAS
WAVIN' GOOD-BYE TO US
FROM THE BACK
OF THAT PRISON VAN, DON'T IT?
YEAH. YOU KNOW, WE OUGHTA
TAKE A RIDE UP THERE SOME
SUNDAY AND SURPRISE THEM.
LET'S DO IT.
HEY, HERE'S A LETTER FOR OTIS.
FOR OTIS?
YEAH.
OTIS!
HUH?
THERE'S A LETTER HERE FOR YOU.
FOR ME?
YEAH.
WHO'D BE SENDIN' YOU
A LETTER TO THIS ADDRESS?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHY THEY SHOULDN'T.
IT'S SURE HIS HOME
AWAY FROM HOME.
WOULD YOU MIND
READIN' IT FOR ME, ANDY?
I AIN'T GOT MY GLASSES.
CAN'T YOU READ
WITHOUT 'EM?
ONLY LABELS.
ALL RIGHT, SAYS, UH...
SAYS, "DEAR OTIS:
YOUR BROTHER RALPH AND I
"WILL BE PASSIN' THROUGH
MAYBERRY ON OUR WAY TO MEMPHIS
"AND ARE LOOKIN' FORWARD
TO SEEIN' YA.
SHOULD BE THERE SOMETIME EARLY
SATURDAY AFTERNOON."
THAT'S TODAY.
YEAH.
SAYS, "IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
"AND I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD
TO THE VISIT.
"YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW, VERLAINE.
"P.S. LIKE I TOLD RALPH
"WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
"ABOUT GETTIN' ANY SPEEDIN'
TICKETS IN MAYBERRY
BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS
TAKE CARE OF IT FOR US. HA-HA."
WHAT'S THE "HA-HA" MEAN?
WELL...
MY SISTER-IN-LAW'S GOT
A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR--
ALWAYS LAUGHIN'.
I MEAN THAT PART
WHERE SHE WAS HA-HA-IN'
ABOUT YOU
FIXIN' SPEEDIN' TICKETS.
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
YEAH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL...ON MY...
VISITS HERE...
NOT MUCH TO DO
SO, I, UH, BORROWED
SOME'A YOUR STATIONERY
TO WRITE A FEW LETTERS
TO MY BROTHER AND SISTER-IN-LAW.
AND?
WELL...
SEEIN' THE LETTERHEAD
ON THE STATIONERY
I GUESS MAYBE THEY GOT THE IDEA
I WORK HERE.
I GUESS...
THEY THINK
I WORK FOR THE SHERIFF.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
THAT'S IMPERSONATIN' AN OFFICER.
THAT'S A REAL SERIOUS OFFENSE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD
GET FOR THAT? DO YOU...
WAIT A MINUTE, BARNEY.
WELL...
I KNOW I DONE WRONG, ANDY,
BUT I FIGGERED WHAT'S THE HARM?
I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY WERE COMIN' HERE.
SEE, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
THE BLACK SHEEP IN MY FAMILY
AND IT JUST
FELT GOOD CHANGIN' COLORS.
OH, THEY WAS ALWAYS
HOLDIN' MY BROTHER RALPH UP
AS AN EXAMPLE
AND THEY'D SAY...
"RALPH'S GONNA DO REAL GOOD.
"RALPH'S GONNA BE FINE.
WHY CAN'T YOU
BE MORE LIKE RALPH?"
( Otis sniffling )
WELL, THEY'LL COME
AND SEE I...
DIDN'T DO AS GOOD AS RALPH.
WELL, MY TIME'S UP.
I GUESS I'LL GO HOME NOW...
AS LONG AS I GOT COMPANY COMIN'.
HEY, OTIS,
WAIT A MINUTE.
HUH?
MAYBE WE CAN HELP YA OUT.
HUH?
WELL, LONG AS YOU
GOT KINFOLKS COMIN' AND ALL
AND IT'S JUST
FOR A SHORT TIME,
WELL, WHAT WOULD BE THE HARM
IN ACTUALLY LETTIN' THEM THINK
THAT YOU DO WORK HERE?
ARE YOU KIDDIN'?!
YOU MEAN YOU'RE ACTUALLY
GONNA GIVE OTIS A JOB HERE?
WELL, IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
WELL, WHAT KIND OF A JOB
CAN YOU GIVE TO OTIS?
WELL, HE'S IRRESPONSIBLE.
HE'S CARELESS. HE'S UNRELIABLE.
I'LL MAKE HIM A DEPUTY.
DEPUTY?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT, ANDY.
YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT.
A SHERIFF'S GOT A RIGHT
TO DEPUTIZE ANYBODY
IN THE CASE
OF AN EMERGENCY,
AND FOR OTIS, I'D SAY
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
OH, BOY, OH, BOY,
OH, BOY!
ANDY, I...
I... I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING, OTIS.
JUST GO IN THE BACK ROOM THERE
AND GET SHAVED AND CLEANED UP.
DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE ACTUALLY
GONNA MAKE OTIS A DEPUTY?
THE TOWN DRUNK?
YOU'RE MAKIN'
HIM A DEPUTY?
AS SHERIFF,
IT'S MY DUTY
TO HELP OUT
THE GOOD CITIZENS OF MAYBERRY.
GOOD CITIZENS?
OTIS?
WELL, OTIS AIN'T A BAD FELLA.
HE'S ONE'A
THE NICEST FELLAS I KNOW--
ALWAYS WILLIN' TO HELP OUT
A NEIGHBOR, GENEROUS,
AND FOR HIS DRINKIN',
WE DON'T LOCK HIM UP
'CAUSE HE'S BOTHERIN' ANYBODY--
IT'S SO'S
HE WON'T HURT HIMSELF.
IN A WAY, THAT DRINKIN'
DOES A GOOD SERVICE
FOR THE TOWN.
OTIS LAPS IT UP SO FAST,
THE OTHER FOLKS CAN'T GET TO IT.
HUNG-OVER DEPUTY.
BOY.
OH, YOU LOOK NICE.
DON'T HE LOOK NICE, BARN?
COME ON OVER.
I'LL SWEAR YA IN.
THAT'S NICE.
UH, RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND.
DO YOU, OTIS CAMPBELL,
SOLEMNLY SWEAR
TO UPHOLD THE DUTIES
OF YOUR OFFICE
AND CONDUCT YOURSELF IN
A MANNER THAT'LL DO CREDIT
TO THE MAYBERRY
SHERIFF'S OFFICE?
I DO.
GOOD. THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO IT.
NOW, YOU'RE
A FULL-FLEDGED DEPUTY
AND YOU CAN HONESTLY
TELL YOUR FAMILY YOU WORK HERE.
I BEEN COMIN' HERE
A LONG TIME, ANDY,
BUT I NEVER FIGURED
THERE WAS A CHANCE
FOR ADVANCEMENT.
I SURE APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
'MEMBER, NOW, IT'S JUST FOR AS
LONG AS YOUR BROTHER
AND SISTER-IN-LAW
ARE HERE.
DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY
AND TRY TO MAKE AN ARREST.
OH, HE WON'T.
ANDY?
YEAH?
AS LONG AS WE'RE GOIN'
THROUGH WITH THIS,
DO YOU MIND
IF I TAKE OVER?
THERE'S SOMETHIN' YOU LEFT OUTTA
THAT SWEARIN'-IN CEREMONY.
I DON'T THINK I...
IF YOU DON'T MIND...
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
REPEAT AFTER ME:
I WILL BE ALERT
AT ALL TIMES.
I WILL BE ALERT
AT ALL TIMES.
I WILL TRY TO LOOK
LIKE A DEPUTY AND
ACT LIKE A DEPUTY.
I WILL TRY TO LOOK
LIKE A DEPUTY AND
ACT LIKE A DEPUTY.
I WILL AT NO TIME WHILE WEARING
THE UNIFORM TAKE A DRINK.
I WILL TRY TO LOOK
LIKE A DEPUTY AND
ACT LIKE A DEPUTY.
OTIS, I SAID,
"I WILL AT NO TIME..."
OH, DON'T HELP ME.
IT JUST COMES KINDA HARD.
I WILL AT NO TIME WHILE
WEARING THE UNIFORM...
TAKE A DRINK.
OKAY, NOW, BARN,
YOU SATISFIED?
NOW JUST A MINUTE.
JUST A MINUTE.
FOR THE LITTLE TIME
HE'S GOING TO BE A DEPUTY,
HE MIGHT AS WELL
LOOK LIKE ONE.
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
'TEN HUT!
I SAID, 'TEN HUT!
STAND ERECT, MAN!
POSTURE! POSTURE!
COME ON! CHIN IN!
CHEST OUT!
HIPS FORWARD!
SUCK IN THAT GUT!
THE MAN DON'T HAVE IT.
HE JUST DON'T HAVE IT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S TRY IT
AGAIN, OTIS.
SUCK IN THE TUMMY!
HIPS FORWARD!
SUCK IN THE TUMMY!
WELL, IT'S GOT TO GO
SOMEWHERE, BARN.
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
LET'S SEE YOUR SALUTE.
OH, THAT'S PATHETIC,
ISN'T IT?
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
HERE'S YOUR REGULATION SALUTE.
THE RIGHT HAND
IS HELD RIGID BY YOUR SIDE,
THE THUMB FLAT
AGAINST THE FOREFINGER.
WITH THE ELBOW OUT
THE HAND IS BROUGHT UP
AT A 45-DEGREE ANGLE
WITH THE TIP OF THE INDEX FINGER
TOUCHING THE VISOR OF THE CAP
WHERE, UPON CONTACT,
IT IS IMMEDIATELY RELEASED
WITH A SNAP
AND RESTORED
TO ITS ORIGINAL POSITION
THUSLY, HI-UP-PAH-HAH
HI-UP-PAH-HAH
HI-UP-PAH-HAH.
YOU GOT THAT?
LET'S TRY IT.
HI-UP
PAH-- HAHH!
HOW WAS THAT, BARN?
ENOUGH SNAP TO IT?
COME ON, OTIS, LET'S
GO SHOW YOUR WIFE
HOW YOU LOOK
IN YOUR UNIFORM.
MY BROTHER WILL BE HERE
PRETTY SOON.
YEAH, COME ON.
( Andy chuckling )
OH... BARNEY,
HOW'S THIS?
HEAVEN SAKES,
DON'T EMBARRASS ME
THE WAY YOU ALWAYS DO
WHEN WE GO SOMEPLACE
FOR A VISIT.
WE'RE NOT AT HOME
SO DON'T LOOSEN YOUR BELT
AT THE TABLE
AND DON'T MAKE
THOSE WHISTLING SOUNDS
THROUGH YOUR NOSE
WHILE YOU'RE EATING.
FOR PETE'S SAKES, VERLAINE,
IT'S ONLY MY BROTHER.
YEAH?
WELL, SHOW SOME RESPECT.
YOUR BROTHER
IS A DEPUTY SHERIFF.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT DEPUTY BUSINESS.
YOU STILL
DON'T BELIEVE IT, HUH?
ALL I KNOW IS WE
NEVER THOUGHT OTIS
WOULD EVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.
HE WAS ALWAYS
MORE INTERESTED
IN GETTING HIMSELF
BOOZED UP.
THEY JUST DON'T MAKE
GUYS LIKE THAT DEPUTIES.
YEAH, WELL, I HAVE
HIS LATEST LETTER RIGHT HERE.
IT'S FROM THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE
AND IT SAYS...
I KNOW WHAT IT SAYS.
WAIT TILL WE GET UP THERE.
I'LL PROVE IT TO YA.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT OTIS IS A DEPUTY.
OTIS A DEPUTY?
WELL, LIKE I SAY,
MISS CAMPBELL,
IT WAS JUST
A WAY OF HELPIN' OTIS
OUT OF AN EMBARRASSIN'
SITUATION,
AND IF WE CAN DO THAT
FOR HIM, WHY NOT?
BUT OTIS... A DEPUTY?
WELL, SURE.
AND DON'T YA THINK
HE LOOKS KINDA SHARP
IN THAT DEPUTY OUTFIT?
WELL,
HE DOES FILL OUT THE UNIFORM.
WELL,
NOT WHEN I SUCK IN MY TUMMY.
SHERIFF, YOU SAY
OTIS IS A FULL-FLEDGED DEPUTY?
UH, TEMPORARILY.
AND AS A DEPUTY,
EVEN TEMPORARILY
HE'S GOTTA UPHOLD THE LAW?
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IF HE COMES ON
ANY INTOXICATIN' BEVERAGES
WHAT MUST HE DO?
UH, CONFISCATE IT
AND DISPOSE OF IT.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
RITA,
WHAT ARE YOU GETTIN' AT?
COME WITH ME,
SHERIFF
AND DEPUTY.
ALL RIGHT, DEPUTY,
NOW, WHERE IS IT?
WHERE'S WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT.
THAT INTOXICATIN' BEVERAGE
I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT.
IT'S IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
NOW, WHERE IS IT?
BUT I DON'T...
OTIS.
START CONFISCATIN'.
OH...
( sighs )
( sighs )
I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED.
NOW YOUR PLANT'S GONNA DIE.
ALL RIGHT, DEPUTY,
NOW DISPOSE OF IT.
OH, NOW, WAIT.
ANDY DON'T WANT ME TO...
OH, YES.
YES, I DO.
BUT THE GOVERNMENT
DOESN'T WANT US TO WASTE FOOD.
OH...
DOWN THE HATCH.
AND I REALLY MEAN
DOWN THE HATCH.
( doorbell buzzes )
OTIS, YOU DON'T THINK
IT'S THEM ALREADY, DO YOU?
HELLO, RITA.
HELLO, VERLAINE.
RITA, HI.
IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU.
HOW WAS THE TRIP?
OH, FINE.
VERLAINE, RALPH, HOW ARE YA?
OH,
JUST LOOK AT YOU.
HI THERE, OTIS.
YOU'VE BEEN PUTTIN'
A LITTLE ON
HAVEN'T YA?
I'VE BEEN
PUTTIN' IT ON?
WHAT DO YOU CALL
THAT BUTTERFLY?
THAT BUTTERFLY
IS HAM HOCKS AND
PORK CHOPS AND...
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
NEVER MIND.
VERLAINE, RALPH,
I WANT YOU TO MEET
ANDY TAYLOR.
HE'S OUR SHERIFF.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HOW ARE YA?
I CAN'T GET OVER
YOU IN THAT UNIFORM.
OH, YOU MUST BE
SO PROUD OF HIM.
SO, UH,
OTIS HERE WORKS FOR YA,
DOES HE, SHERIFF?
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
WORKS REAL HARD, TOO.
YOU MAY NOT
BELIEVE IT
BUT SOMETIMES
OTIS STAYS AROUND THAT JAIL
24, 48 HOURS STRAIGHT
WITHOUT LEAVIN'.
HE DOES, DOES HE?
OH, YEAH.
YOU TAKE THIS MORNIN'--
ME AND BARNEY,
THAT'S MY OTHER DEPUTY,
WE COME DOWN TO THE JAILHOUSE
BRIGHT AND EARLY.
DON'T YOU THINK OTIS WAS
ALREADY THERE AHEAD OF US.
IT'S THE TRUTH.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO
MOSTLY, OTIS?
OH, UH, WE-WE ALL
HAVE OUR, UH...
LITTLE JOBS
ON THE FORCE.
UH, OTIS'S SPECIALTY
IS TRACKIN' DOWN STILLS.
STILLS?
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
THE MINUTE,
THE MINUTE
ANYBODY STARTS MAKIN' MOONSHINE
AROUND THIS AREA
OTIS SNIFFS 'EM
RIGHT OUT.
AND THEN YOU KNOW
WHAT HE DOES?
HE GOES
RIGHT DOWN THERE
WHERE THEY'RE MAKIN'
THE STUFF
AND BRINGS IT ALL BACK RIGHT
BY HISSELF, DON'T YA, OTIS?
YEAH. I DID THAT JUST
LAST NIGHT, DIDN'T I?
YEAH, YEAH, YOU DID.
ME AND BARNEY,
WE OFTEN WONDER
JUST HOW YOU CAN TRACK DOWN
THESE STILLS SO GOOD.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I... GUESS I JUST
GOT A GOOD SMELLER.
( laughing )
WELL, I BETTER GET
ON BACK TO WORK.
NICE TO MEET YOU,
MRS. CAMPBELL, MR. CAMPBELL.
SEE YA BACK AT THE OFFICE,
DEPUTY.
SO LONG, ANDY.
OH, VERLAINE,
HONEY,
YOU MUST WANT
TO FRESHEN UP.
COME ON.
I WORK OUT EVERY DAY.
I SHOULD DO
SOME WORKIN' OUT, YEAH.
SAY, UH...
NOW THAT THE
COAST IS CLEAR
HOW ABOUT A
LITTLE SNORT?
HUH?
YOU KNOW, A SNORT,
A SHOT, A TASTE, YOU KNOW?
COCKTAIL TIME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
OTIS, NOW THAT
YOU'RE A DEPUTY
AND YOU CONFISCATE
ALL THAT STUFF, UH...
YOU MUST SAVE A LITTLE HOME
FOR YOUR OWN PRIVATE USE.
WHERE IS IT?
I DON'T HAVE ANY
OF THAT STUFF AROUND HERE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOU, OTIS.
YOU ALWAYS HAD A
TASTE FOR THE STUFF.
NOW, WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO YA?
WELL, I'VE REFORMED.
NOW I'M A DEPUTY.
EVERYTHING
WORKED OUT FINE, BARN.
OTIS'S BROTHER
AND SISTER-IN-LAW
WAS JUST AS PROUD OF HIM.
YOU STILL
DON'T LIKE IT, HUH?
NO, I DON'T LIKE IT, ANDY,
AND I'LL TELL YA WHY.
BY MAKIN' OTIS A DEPUTY,
WE WAS FALSIFYIN' --
A PLAIN CASE
OF FALSIFYIN'.
NOW, IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT
TO FALSIFY.
BUT IT'S JUST A LITTLE
DISGUISE FOR A LITTLE TIME.
OTIS GETS TO SAVE FACE
AND NOBODY GETS HURT.
NOW, WHAT'S THE HARM
IN THAT?
WELL, THE HARM
IS IN FALSIFYIN'.
MAYBE YOU AND OTIS
LIKE TO FALSIFY
BUT I DON'T LIKE
TO FALSIFY.
YOU NEVER KNOW
HOW THESE THINGS
ARE GONNA TURN OUT BAD.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
YOU NEVER KNOW
HOW THESE THINGS
MIGHT TURN OUT GOOD.
YEAH... WELL...
I STILL THINK IT'S
WRONG TO FALSIFY.
( door opens )
Andy: WELL, HOWDY, OTIS.
FAMILY LEFT YET?
NO.
WELL... WHAT IN THE
WORLD'S THE MATTER?
I DON'T KNOW.
I... CAN'T FIND
MY BROTHER.
CAN'T FIND YOUR BROTHER?
RECKON WHERE HE IS?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
WE ALL ATE LUNCH AND...
HE JUST LEFT.
SAID HE WAS GONNA TAKE A WALK
AROUND THE COUNTRYSIDE.
I KNOW WHAT HE'S DOIN'.
HE'S GOIN' AROUND
TRYIN' TO FIND OUT
AM I REALLY A DEPUTY.
JUST DIDN'T WORK, ANDY.
MY BROTHER RALPH
DIDN'T BELIEVE ANY OF IT.
( door opens )
WELL, THAT'S THE WAY I DO IT
BACK HOME.
HOW DO YOU FOLKS DO IT HERE?
THAT'S YOUR BROTHER?
THE ONE YOU WAS
SO WORRIED ABOUT?
THE ONE
YOU WAS SO ANXIOUS TO IMPRESS?
THE ONE YOUR FAMILY WAS ALWAYS
HOLDIN' UP TO YOU AS AN EXAMPLE?
RALPH CAMPBELL,
I'M ASHAMED OF YOU.
YOU'RE A GUEST HERE,
AND WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU GO OUT AND BREAK THE LAW.
YOU KNOW THIS IS A DRY COUNTY.
THERE AIN'T NO
DRINKIN' HERE.
LOOK AT YOU--
DRUNK AS A SKUNK.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?
YOU EMBARRASSED ME
IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS
THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.
RALPH, I'M ASHAMED OF YOU.
I'M JUST PLAIN ASHAMED OF YOU.
YOU'RE RIGHT, OTIS.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
BUT I GOTTA TELL YA SOMETHING.
I GOT DRUNK BECAUSE...
TODAY IS SATURDAY.
THAT'S WHAT I DO BACK HOME.
YOU KNOW WHY, OTIS?
BECAUSE BACK HOME
I'M THE TOWN DRUNK.
TELL YA SOMETHING
ELSE, OTIS.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU LIKED
TO BOOZE IT UP, LIKE ME.
I-I NEVER REALLY BELIEVED
YOU WAS A DEPUTY.
NOW THAT I'M HERE,
I SEE IT.
WELL, I'LL TELL YA
SOMETHING ELSE, OTIS.
IF YOU CAN DO IT, SO CAN I.
YEAH, FROM NOW ON I'M
GONNA BE RESPECTABLE
JUST LIKE YOU.
YA SEE, BARN?
YOU NEVER KNOW HOW THESE
THINGS MIGHT TURN OUT.
HEY, ANDY, OTIS'S CLOTHES
ARE STILL BACK THERE.
AIN'T HE TURNED IN
HIS UNIFORM YET?
NO, BUT DON'T WORRY,
HE WILL.
WELL, HIS BROTHER'S GONE.
HE DON'T HAVE TO
PRETEND NO MORE.
WHY DON'T HE BRING BACK
THE UNIFORM?
I SAID NOT TO WORRY, BARN.
OTIS AIN'T GONNA DO
ANYTHING WRONG
WHILE HE'S IN
THAT DEPUTY SUIT.
YEAH, WELL, YOU NEVER CAN TELL.
IT'S STILL OTIS, YOU KNOW.
YOU GOT TO HAVE MORE FAITH
IN OTIS THAN THAT.
YEAH, WHY?
BECAUSE AFTER
WHAT WE DONE FOR HIM,
LETTIN' HIM
PLAY DEPUTY AND ALL,
HE'LL BE SO GRATEFUL THAT HE'LL
BE A MODEL CITIZEN FOR A WHILE.
YOU THINK SO, HUH?
OH, SURE.
IT'LL BE A GOOD, LONG TIME
BEFORE OTIS TAKES ANOTHER DRINK.
GOOD LONG TIME.
YEAH, WELL, THAT MAY BE
WHAT YOU THINK,
BUT IF YOU ASK ME --
MODEL CITIZEN, HUH?
OTIS, WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH HIM.
HE'S SMASHED,
THAT'S WHAT!
HE'S STONED! DASHED!
AND IN UNIFORM, TOO.
ARE YOU DRUNK, OTIS?
OF COURSE NOT.
I JUST TRIED WALKING
ALL THE WAY FROM MY HOUSE
WITH MY TUMMY SUCKED IN.
IT AIN'T EASY.
( exhales )
( whistling sprightly tune )
MORE SHUTEYE, YOU KNOW THAT?
YEP.
( Barney yawns )
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
I DON'T SEEM
TO HAVE MY KEYS.
OH.
WELL, USE MINE.
THAT'S A GOOD THING
ABOUT HAVIN' TWO SETS--
YOU NEVER HAVE TO WORRY,
UH...WHAT THE...
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
UH...
I DON'T SEEM TO
HAVE MINE EITHER.
HOW ARE WE GONNA GET IN?
I DON'T KNOW.
OTIS.
FRIDAY NIGHT--
HE MUSTA COME IN
WITH A LOAD LAST NIGHT
AND LOCKED HISSELF UP.
I'LL BET. YEAH.
YEAH.
YEAH, THERE HE IS.
( rapping on window )
OTIS?
( rapping on window )
OTIS! HEY, OTIS!
LET US IN!
OTIS! OTIS!
HEY, OTIS!
OH, UH,
WE'RE LOCKED OUT.
WELL, HE CAN'T HEAR US.
WE MIGHT AS WELL
GO AROUND THE BACK.
YEAH.
( snoring )
OTIS?
HEY, OTIS!
OTIS, WAKE UP.
WE GOT TO
GET IN THERE.
( rapping on window )
HEY, OTIS,
IT'S ME, UP HERE.
WHERE?
AT THE WINDOW.
HEY, OTIS?
GO UNLOCK THE
FRONT DOOR, WILL YA?
WE DON'T HAVE OUR KEYS.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
( Otis moaning )
TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP
AROUND HERE, JUST TRY!
AH, THIS PLACE IS GETTIN'
AS BAD AS HOME.
MIGHT JUST AS WELL
GO HOME AND SLEEP
AND LISTEN TO THAT WIFE'A MINE
YAMMER, YAMMER,
YAMMER, YAMMER AWAY.
AW...
( sighs )
THANKS, OTIS.
SORRY TO WAKE YOU.
OKAY, OKAY. BRING YOUR
KEYS NEXT TIME, WILL YA?
WHAT YOU
SO GROUCHY ABOUT?
I DIDN'T GET MY
FULL EIGHT HOURS
AND WHEN I DON'T GET
MY FULL EIGHT HOURS
I'M GROUCHY.
DO YOU MIND?
MMM.
WE BETTER REMEMBER TO
BRING OUR KEYS HEREAFTER.
( Andy chuckling )
ANYTHING IN THE MAIL?
NAW, NOTHIN' MUCH.
IT'S ALL FOR
THE SAME GUY--
OCCUPANT
OCCUPANT
OCCUPANT
OCCUPANT...
OH! HERE'S A CARD FROM
THE HUBACHER BROTHERS
UP AT THE STATE PRISON.
OH. WHAT DOES IT SAY?
WELL, LET'S SEE.
IT SAYS, UH, "HI
FROM STATE PRISON.
"CELEBRATED OUR
SECOND ANNIVERSARY
HERE LAST SATURDAY.
"THE BOYS IN OUR
ROW GOT TOGETHER
"AND THREW US
A LITTLE PARTY.
"IT WAS REAL NICE.
"JUNIOR SANG 'MY LITTLE
GREY HOME IN THE WEST'
AND WHEN HE GOT DONE,
WE NOTICED THE WARDEN
WAS WIPING HIS EYES."
THAT'S SWEET,
YOU KNOW THAT?
YEAH.
HAS IT BEEN
TWO YEARS ALREADY?
YEAH.
YEAH.
SEEMS LIKE
IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY
THEY WAS
WAVIN' GOOD-BYE TO US
FROM THE BACK
OF THAT PRISON VAN, DON'T IT?
YEAH. YOU KNOW, WE OUGHTA
TAKE A RIDE UP THERE SOME
SUNDAY AND SURPRISE THEM.
LET'S DO IT.
HEY, HERE'S A LETTER FOR OTIS.
FOR OTIS?
YEAH.
OTIS!
HUH?
THERE'S A LETTER HERE FOR YOU.
FOR ME?
YEAH.
WHO'D BE SENDIN' YOU
A LETTER TO THIS ADDRESS?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHY THEY SHOULDN'T.
IT'S SURE HIS HOME
AWAY FROM HOME.
WOULD YOU MIND
READIN' IT FOR ME, ANDY?
I AIN'T GOT MY GLASSES.
CAN'T YOU READ
WITHOUT 'EM?
ONLY LABELS.
ALL RIGHT, SAYS, UH...
SAYS, "DEAR OTIS:
YOUR BROTHER RALPH AND I
"WILL BE PASSIN' THROUGH
MAYBERRY ON OUR WAY TO MEMPHIS
"AND ARE LOOKIN' FORWARD
TO SEEIN' YA.
SHOULD BE THERE SOMETIME EARLY
SATURDAY AFTERNOON."
THAT'S TODAY.
YEAH.
SAYS, "IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
"AND I'M LOOKIN' FORWARD
TO THE VISIT.
"YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW, VERLAINE.
"P.S. LIKE I TOLD RALPH
"WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
"ABOUT GETTIN' ANY SPEEDIN'
TICKETS IN MAYBERRY
BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS
TAKE CARE OF IT FOR US. HA-HA."
WHAT'S THE "HA-HA" MEAN?
WELL...
MY SISTER-IN-LAW'S GOT
A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR--
ALWAYS LAUGHIN'.
I MEAN THAT PART
WHERE SHE WAS HA-HA-IN'
ABOUT YOU
FIXIN' SPEEDIN' TICKETS.
WHAT'S THAT MEAN?
YEAH, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
WELL...ON MY...
VISITS HERE...
NOT MUCH TO DO
SO, I, UH, BORROWED
SOME'A YOUR STATIONERY
TO WRITE A FEW LETTERS
TO MY BROTHER AND SISTER-IN-LAW.
AND?
WELL...
SEEIN' THE LETTERHEAD
ON THE STATIONERY
I GUESS MAYBE THEY GOT THE IDEA
I WORK HERE.
I GUESS...
THEY THINK
I WORK FOR THE SHERIFF.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?
THAT'S IMPERSONATIN' AN OFFICER.
THAT'S A REAL SERIOUS OFFENSE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU COULD
GET FOR THAT? DO YOU...
WAIT A MINUTE, BARNEY.
WELL...
I KNOW I DONE WRONG, ANDY,
BUT I FIGGERED WHAT'S THE HARM?
I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY WERE COMIN' HERE.
SEE, I'VE ALWAYS BEEN
THE BLACK SHEEP IN MY FAMILY
AND IT JUST
FELT GOOD CHANGIN' COLORS.
OH, THEY WAS ALWAYS
HOLDIN' MY BROTHER RALPH UP
AS AN EXAMPLE
AND THEY'D SAY...
"RALPH'S GONNA DO REAL GOOD.
"RALPH'S GONNA BE FINE.
WHY CAN'T YOU
BE MORE LIKE RALPH?"
( Otis sniffling )
WELL, THEY'LL COME
AND SEE I...
DIDN'T DO AS GOOD AS RALPH.
WELL, MY TIME'S UP.
I GUESS I'LL GO HOME NOW...
AS LONG AS I GOT COMPANY COMIN'.
HEY, OTIS,
WAIT A MINUTE.
HUH?
MAYBE WE CAN HELP YA OUT.
HUH?
WELL, LONG AS YOU
GOT KINFOLKS COMIN' AND ALL
AND IT'S JUST
FOR A SHORT TIME,
WELL, WHAT WOULD BE THE HARM
IN ACTUALLY LETTIN' THEM THINK
THAT YOU DO WORK HERE?
ARE YOU KIDDIN'?!
YOU MEAN YOU'RE ACTUALLY
GONNA GIVE OTIS A JOB HERE?
WELL, IT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
WELL, WHAT KIND OF A JOB
CAN YOU GIVE TO OTIS?
WELL, HE'S IRRESPONSIBLE.
HE'S CARELESS. HE'S UNRELIABLE.
I'LL MAKE HIM A DEPUTY.
DEPUTY?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT, ANDY.
YOU JUST CAN'T DO THAT.
A SHERIFF'S GOT A RIGHT
TO DEPUTIZE ANYBODY
IN THE CASE
OF AN EMERGENCY,
AND FOR OTIS, I'D SAY
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
OH, BOY, OH, BOY,
OH, BOY!
ANDY, I...
I... I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING, OTIS.
JUST GO IN THE BACK ROOM THERE
AND GET SHAVED AND CLEANED UP.
DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE ACTUALLY
GONNA MAKE OTIS A DEPUTY?
THE TOWN DRUNK?
YOU'RE MAKIN'
HIM A DEPUTY?
AS SHERIFF,
IT'S MY DUTY
TO HELP OUT
THE GOOD CITIZENS OF MAYBERRY.
GOOD CITIZENS?
OTIS?
WELL, OTIS AIN'T A BAD FELLA.
HE'S ONE'A
THE NICEST FELLAS I KNOW--
ALWAYS WILLIN' TO HELP OUT
A NEIGHBOR, GENEROUS,
AND FOR HIS DRINKIN',
WE DON'T LOCK HIM UP
'CAUSE HE'S BOTHERIN' ANYBODY--
IT'S SO'S
HE WON'T HURT HIMSELF.
IN A WAY, THAT DRINKIN'
DOES A GOOD SERVICE
FOR THE TOWN.
OTIS LAPS IT UP SO FAST,
THE OTHER FOLKS CAN'T GET TO IT.
HUNG-OVER DEPUTY.
BOY.
OH, YOU LOOK NICE.
DON'T HE LOOK NICE, BARN?
COME ON OVER.
I'LL SWEAR YA IN.
THAT'S NICE.
UH, RAISE YOUR RIGHT HAND.
DO YOU, OTIS CAMPBELL,
SOLEMNLY SWEAR
TO UPHOLD THE DUTIES
OF YOUR OFFICE
AND CONDUCT YOURSELF IN
A MANNER THAT'LL DO CREDIT
TO THE MAYBERRY
SHERIFF'S OFFICE?
I DO.
GOOD. THAT'S ALL
THERE IS TO IT.
NOW, YOU'RE
A FULL-FLEDGED DEPUTY
AND YOU CAN HONESTLY
TELL YOUR FAMILY YOU WORK HERE.
I BEEN COMIN' HERE
A LONG TIME, ANDY,
BUT I NEVER FIGURED
THERE WAS A CHANCE
FOR ADVANCEMENT.
I SURE APPRECIATE
WHAT YOU'RE DOIN'.
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
'MEMBER, NOW, IT'S JUST FOR AS
LONG AS YOUR BROTHER
AND SISTER-IN-LAW
ARE HERE.
DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY
AND TRY TO MAKE AN ARREST.
OH, HE WON'T.
ANDY?
YEAH?
AS LONG AS WE'RE GOIN'
THROUGH WITH THIS,
DO YOU MIND
IF I TAKE OVER?
THERE'S SOMETHIN' YOU LEFT OUTTA
THAT SWEARIN'-IN CEREMONY.
I DON'T THINK I...
IF YOU DON'T MIND...
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
REPEAT AFTER ME:
I WILL BE ALERT
AT ALL TIMES.
I WILL BE ALERT
AT ALL TIMES.
I WILL TRY TO LOOK
LIKE A DEPUTY AND
ACT LIKE A DEPUTY.
I WILL TRY TO LOOK
LIKE A DEPUTY AND
ACT LIKE A DEPUTY.
I WILL AT NO TIME WHILE WEARING
THE UNIFORM TAKE A DRINK.
I WILL TRY TO LOOK
LIKE A DEPUTY AND
ACT LIKE A DEPUTY.
OTIS, I SAID,
"I WILL AT NO TIME..."
OH, DON'T HELP ME.
IT JUST COMES KINDA HARD.
I WILL AT NO TIME WHILE
WEARING THE UNIFORM...
TAKE A DRINK.
OKAY, NOW, BARN,
YOU SATISFIED?
NOW JUST A MINUTE.
JUST A MINUTE.
FOR THE LITTLE TIME
HE'S GOING TO BE A DEPUTY,
HE MIGHT AS WELL
LOOK LIKE ONE.
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
'TEN HUT!
I SAID, 'TEN HUT!
STAND ERECT, MAN!
POSTURE! POSTURE!
COME ON! CHIN IN!
CHEST OUT!
HIPS FORWARD!
SUCK IN THAT GUT!
THE MAN DON'T HAVE IT.
HE JUST DON'T HAVE IT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S TRY IT
AGAIN, OTIS.
SUCK IN THE TUMMY!
HIPS FORWARD!
SUCK IN THE TUMMY!
WELL, IT'S GOT TO GO
SOMEWHERE, BARN.
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
LET'S SEE YOUR SALUTE.
OH, THAT'S PATHETIC,
ISN'T IT?
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
HERE'S YOUR REGULATION SALUTE.
THE RIGHT HAND
IS HELD RIGID BY YOUR SIDE,
THE THUMB FLAT
AGAINST THE FOREFINGER.
WITH THE ELBOW OUT
THE HAND IS BROUGHT UP
AT A 45-DEGREE ANGLE
WITH THE TIP OF THE INDEX FINGER
TOUCHING THE VISOR OF THE CAP
WHERE, UPON CONTACT,
IT IS IMMEDIATELY RELEASED
WITH A SNAP
AND RESTORED
TO ITS ORIGINAL POSITION
THUSLY, HI-UP-PAH-HAH
HI-UP-PAH-HAH
HI-UP-PAH-HAH.
YOU GOT THAT?
LET'S TRY IT.
HI-UP
PAH-- HAHH!
HOW WAS THAT, BARN?
ENOUGH SNAP TO IT?
COME ON, OTIS, LET'S
GO SHOW YOUR WIFE
HOW YOU LOOK
IN YOUR UNIFORM.
MY BROTHER WILL BE HERE
PRETTY SOON.
YEAH, COME ON.
( Andy chuckling )
OH... BARNEY,
HOW'S THIS?
HEAVEN SAKES,
DON'T EMBARRASS ME
THE WAY YOU ALWAYS DO
WHEN WE GO SOMEPLACE
FOR A VISIT.
WE'RE NOT AT HOME
SO DON'T LOOSEN YOUR BELT
AT THE TABLE
AND DON'T MAKE
THOSE WHISTLING SOUNDS
THROUGH YOUR NOSE
WHILE YOU'RE EATING.
FOR PETE'S SAKES, VERLAINE,
IT'S ONLY MY BROTHER.
YEAH?
WELL, SHOW SOME RESPECT.
YOUR BROTHER
IS A DEPUTY SHERIFF.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT DEPUTY BUSINESS.
YOU STILL
DON'T BELIEVE IT, HUH?
ALL I KNOW IS WE
NEVER THOUGHT OTIS
WOULD EVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING.
HE WAS ALWAYS
MORE INTERESTED
IN GETTING HIMSELF
BOOZED UP.
THEY JUST DON'T MAKE
GUYS LIKE THAT DEPUTIES.
YEAH, WELL, I HAVE
HIS LATEST LETTER RIGHT HERE.
IT'S FROM THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE
AND IT SAYS...
I KNOW WHAT IT SAYS.
WAIT TILL WE GET UP THERE.
I'LL PROVE IT TO YA.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT OTIS IS A DEPUTY.
OTIS A DEPUTY?
WELL, LIKE I SAY,
MISS CAMPBELL,
IT WAS JUST
A WAY OF HELPIN' OTIS
OUT OF AN EMBARRASSIN'
SITUATION,
AND IF WE CAN DO THAT
FOR HIM, WHY NOT?
BUT OTIS... A DEPUTY?
WELL, SURE.
AND DON'T YA THINK
HE LOOKS KINDA SHARP
IN THAT DEPUTY OUTFIT?
WELL,
HE DOES FILL OUT THE UNIFORM.
WELL,
NOT WHEN I SUCK IN MY TUMMY.
SHERIFF, YOU SAY
OTIS IS A FULL-FLEDGED DEPUTY?
UH, TEMPORARILY.
AND AS A DEPUTY,
EVEN TEMPORARILY
HE'S GOTTA UPHOLD THE LAW?
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND IF HE COMES ON
ANY INTOXICATIN' BEVERAGES
WHAT MUST HE DO?
UH, CONFISCATE IT
AND DISPOSE OF IT.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
RITA,
WHAT ARE YOU GETTIN' AT?
COME WITH ME,
SHERIFF
AND DEPUTY.
ALL RIGHT, DEPUTY,
NOW, WHERE IS IT?
WHERE'S WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT.
THAT INTOXICATIN' BEVERAGE
I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT.
IT'S IN HERE SOMEWHERE.
NOW, WHERE IS IT?
BUT I DON'T...
OTIS.
START CONFISCATIN'.
OH...
( sighs )
( sighs )
I HOPE YOU'RE SATISFIED.
NOW YOUR PLANT'S GONNA DIE.
ALL RIGHT, DEPUTY,
NOW DISPOSE OF IT.
OH, NOW, WAIT.
ANDY DON'T WANT ME TO...
OH, YES.
YES, I DO.
BUT THE GOVERNMENT
DOESN'T WANT US TO WASTE FOOD.
OH...
DOWN THE HATCH.
AND I REALLY MEAN
DOWN THE HATCH.
( doorbell buzzes )
OTIS, YOU DON'T THINK
IT'S THEM ALREADY, DO YOU?
HELLO, RITA.
HELLO, VERLAINE.
RITA, HI.
IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU.
HOW WAS THE TRIP?
OH, FINE.
VERLAINE, RALPH, HOW ARE YA?
OH,
JUST LOOK AT YOU.
HI THERE, OTIS.
YOU'VE BEEN PUTTIN'
A LITTLE ON
HAVEN'T YA?
I'VE BEEN
PUTTIN' IT ON?
WHAT DO YOU CALL
THAT BUTTERFLY?
THAT BUTTERFLY
IS HAM HOCKS AND
PORK CHOPS AND...
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
NEVER MIND.
VERLAINE, RALPH,
I WANT YOU TO MEET
ANDY TAYLOR.
HE'S OUR SHERIFF.
HOW DO YOU DO?
HOW ARE YA?
I CAN'T GET OVER
YOU IN THAT UNIFORM.
OH, YOU MUST BE
SO PROUD OF HIM.
SO, UH,
OTIS HERE WORKS FOR YA,
DOES HE, SHERIFF?
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
WORKS REAL HARD, TOO.
YOU MAY NOT
BELIEVE IT
BUT SOMETIMES
OTIS STAYS AROUND THAT JAIL
24, 48 HOURS STRAIGHT
WITHOUT LEAVIN'.
HE DOES, DOES HE?
OH, YEAH.
YOU TAKE THIS MORNIN'--
ME AND BARNEY,
THAT'S MY OTHER DEPUTY,
WE COME DOWN TO THE JAILHOUSE
BRIGHT AND EARLY.
DON'T YOU THINK OTIS WAS
ALREADY THERE AHEAD OF US.
IT'S THE TRUTH.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO
MOSTLY, OTIS?
OH, UH, WE-WE ALL
HAVE OUR, UH...
LITTLE JOBS
ON THE FORCE.
UH, OTIS'S SPECIALTY
IS TRACKIN' DOWN STILLS.
STILLS?
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
THE MINUTE,
THE MINUTE
ANYBODY STARTS MAKIN' MOONSHINE
AROUND THIS AREA
OTIS SNIFFS 'EM
RIGHT OUT.
AND THEN YOU KNOW
WHAT HE DOES?
HE GOES
RIGHT DOWN THERE
WHERE THEY'RE MAKIN'
THE STUFF
AND BRINGS IT ALL BACK RIGHT
BY HISSELF, DON'T YA, OTIS?
YEAH. I DID THAT JUST
LAST NIGHT, DIDN'T I?
YEAH, YEAH, YOU DID.
ME AND BARNEY,
WE OFTEN WONDER
JUST HOW YOU CAN TRACK DOWN
THESE STILLS SO GOOD.
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I... GUESS I JUST
GOT A GOOD SMELLER.
( laughing )
WELL, I BETTER GET
ON BACK TO WORK.
NICE TO MEET YOU,
MRS. CAMPBELL, MR. CAMPBELL.
SEE YA BACK AT THE OFFICE,
DEPUTY.
SO LONG, ANDY.
OH, VERLAINE,
HONEY,
YOU MUST WANT
TO FRESHEN UP.
COME ON.
I WORK OUT EVERY DAY.
I SHOULD DO
SOME WORKIN' OUT, YEAH.
SAY, UH...
NOW THAT THE
COAST IS CLEAR
HOW ABOUT A
LITTLE SNORT?
HUH?
YOU KNOW, A SNORT,
A SHOT, A TASTE, YOU KNOW?
COCKTAIL TIME.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
OTIS, NOW THAT
YOU'RE A DEPUTY
AND YOU CONFISCATE
ALL THAT STUFF, UH...
YOU MUST SAVE A LITTLE HOME
FOR YOUR OWN PRIVATE USE.
WHERE IS IT?
I DON'T HAVE ANY
OF THAT STUFF AROUND HERE.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOU, OTIS.
YOU ALWAYS HAD A
TASTE FOR THE STUFF.
NOW, WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO YA?
WELL, I'VE REFORMED.
NOW I'M A DEPUTY.
EVERYTHING
WORKED OUT FINE, BARN.
OTIS'S BROTHER
AND SISTER-IN-LAW
WAS JUST AS PROUD OF HIM.
YOU STILL
DON'T LIKE IT, HUH?
NO, I DON'T LIKE IT, ANDY,
AND I'LL TELL YA WHY.
BY MAKIN' OTIS A DEPUTY,
WE WAS FALSIFYIN' --
A PLAIN CASE
OF FALSIFYIN'.
NOW, IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT
TO FALSIFY.
BUT IT'S JUST A LITTLE
DISGUISE FOR A LITTLE TIME.
OTIS GETS TO SAVE FACE
AND NOBODY GETS HURT.
NOW, WHAT'S THE HARM
IN THAT?
WELL, THE HARM
IS IN FALSIFYIN'.
MAYBE YOU AND OTIS
LIKE TO FALSIFY
BUT I DON'T LIKE
TO FALSIFY.
YOU NEVER KNOW
HOW THESE THINGS
ARE GONNA TURN OUT BAD.
ON THE OTHER HAND,
YOU NEVER KNOW
HOW THESE THINGS
MIGHT TURN OUT GOOD.
YEAH... WELL...
I STILL THINK IT'S
WRONG TO FALSIFY.
( door opens )
Andy: WELL, HOWDY, OTIS.
FAMILY LEFT YET?
NO.
WELL... WHAT IN THE
WORLD'S THE MATTER?
I DON'T KNOW.
I... CAN'T FIND
MY BROTHER.
CAN'T FIND YOUR BROTHER?
RECKON WHERE HE IS?
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
WE ALL ATE LUNCH AND...
HE JUST LEFT.
SAID HE WAS GONNA TAKE A WALK
AROUND THE COUNTRYSIDE.
I KNOW WHAT HE'S DOIN'.
HE'S GOIN' AROUND
TRYIN' TO FIND OUT
AM I REALLY A DEPUTY.
JUST DIDN'T WORK, ANDY.
MY BROTHER RALPH
DIDN'T BELIEVE ANY OF IT.
( door opens )
WELL, THAT'S THE WAY I DO IT
BACK HOME.
HOW DO YOU FOLKS DO IT HERE?
THAT'S YOUR BROTHER?
THE ONE YOU WAS
SO WORRIED ABOUT?
THE ONE
YOU WAS SO ANXIOUS TO IMPRESS?
THE ONE YOUR FAMILY WAS ALWAYS
HOLDIN' UP TO YOU AS AN EXAMPLE?
RALPH CAMPBELL,
I'M ASHAMED OF YOU.
YOU'RE A GUEST HERE,
AND WHAT DO YOU DO?
YOU GO OUT AND BREAK THE LAW.
YOU KNOW THIS IS A DRY COUNTY.
THERE AIN'T NO
DRINKIN' HERE.
LOOK AT YOU--
DRUNK AS A SKUNK.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?
YOU EMBARRASSED ME
IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS
THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.
RALPH, I'M ASHAMED OF YOU.
I'M JUST PLAIN ASHAMED OF YOU.
YOU'RE RIGHT, OTIS.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
BUT I GOTTA TELL YA SOMETHING.
I GOT DRUNK BECAUSE...
TODAY IS SATURDAY.
THAT'S WHAT I DO BACK HOME.
YOU KNOW WHY, OTIS?
BECAUSE BACK HOME
I'M THE TOWN DRUNK.
TELL YA SOMETHING
ELSE, OTIS.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU LIKED
TO BOOZE IT UP, LIKE ME.
I-I NEVER REALLY BELIEVED
YOU WAS A DEPUTY.
NOW THAT I'M HERE,
I SEE IT.
WELL, I'LL TELL YA
SOMETHING ELSE, OTIS.
IF YOU CAN DO IT, SO CAN I.
YEAH, FROM NOW ON I'M
GONNA BE RESPECTABLE
JUST LIKE YOU.
YA SEE, BARN?
YOU NEVER KNOW HOW THESE
THINGS MIGHT TURN OUT.
HEY, ANDY, OTIS'S CLOTHES
ARE STILL BACK THERE.
AIN'T HE TURNED IN
HIS UNIFORM YET?
NO, BUT DON'T WORRY,
HE WILL.
WELL, HIS BROTHER'S GONE.
HE DON'T HAVE TO
PRETEND NO MORE.
WHY DON'T HE BRING BACK
THE UNIFORM?
I SAID NOT TO WORRY, BARN.
OTIS AIN'T GONNA DO
ANYTHING WRONG
WHILE HE'S IN
THAT DEPUTY SUIT.
YEAH, WELL, YOU NEVER CAN TELL.
IT'S STILL OTIS, YOU KNOW.
YOU GOT TO HAVE MORE FAITH
IN OTIS THAN THAT.
YEAH, WHY?
BECAUSE AFTER
WHAT WE DONE FOR HIM,
LETTIN' HIM
PLAY DEPUTY AND ALL,
HE'LL BE SO GRATEFUL THAT HE'LL
BE A MODEL CITIZEN FOR A WHILE.
YOU THINK SO, HUH?
OH, SURE.
IT'LL BE A GOOD, LONG TIME
BEFORE OTIS TAKES ANOTHER DRINK.
GOOD LONG TIME.
YEAH, WELL, THAT MAY BE
WHAT YOU THINK,
BUT IF YOU ASK ME --
MODEL CITIZEN, HUH?
OTIS, WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S
THE MATTER WITH HIM.
HE'S SMASHED,
THAT'S WHAT!
HE'S STONED! DASHED!
AND IN UNIFORM, TOO.
ARE YOU DRUNK, OTIS?
OF COURSE NOT.
I JUST TRIED WALKING
ALL THE WAY FROM MY HOUSE
WITH MY TUMMY SUCKED IN.
IT AIN'T EASY.
( exhales )
( whistling sprightly tune )