The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 2, Episode 27 - Three's a Crowd - full transcript

HI, BOYS.

WELL, HI, MARY.

WHAT IN THE WORLD BRINGS
YOU AROUND HERE

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY?
WANT SOME COFFEE?

OH, NO, THANK YOU, ANDY.

I HAVE TO RUN OUT
TO THE POWELL PLACE

AND I WANTED
TO CHECK ON THE ROAD.

OH, IT'S FINE,
IT'S ALL CLEAR

NOW THEY'VE FINISHED
THE CONSTRUCTION.

IS THERE SOMEBODY SICK UP THERE?

NO, BUT IT SEEMS TO BE
THAT TIME OF THE YEAR



AND NEARLY EVERYBODY'S
GOT A COLD,

SO I WANT TO DROP OFF
SOME MEDICATION.

THANK YOU, ANDY, I'LL SEE YA.
SEE YA BOTH.

UH, MARY...

IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE ROAD

AND YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE
SOMEBODY DRIVE YOU...

YOU LOOKING FOR A RIDE
TO THE POWELL PLACE?

I'LL BE GLAD
TO DRIVE YOU.

NO, I THINK I CAN MAKE IT FINE.

BYE.

UH, MARY.

UH...

UM...

UH...



ARE, UH... ARE YOU...

ARE YOU DOING ANYTHING
SPECIAL TONIGHT?

WHY, NO, AS A MATTER
OF FACT I'M NOT.

WELL, HOW ABOUT IF I WAS TO TAKE
YOU TO THAT MOTION PICTURE

OVER AT THE GRAND --
THEY SAY IT'S A GOOD ONE.

UH, WELL, UH... I'M AFRAID
I'VE ALREADY SEEN IT, ANDY.

OH, WELL, HOW ABOUT IF I WAS
TO COME OVER TO YOUR HOUSE?

WHY, THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA!

WE CAN WATCH TELEVISION
AND PLAY SOME RECORDS.

AND MAYBE I'LL EVEN
MAKE YOU A PIZZA PIE.

HEY, THAT SOUNDS SWELL.

IT SURE DOES!

I'LL CALL THELMA LOU --
WE'LL MAKE IT A FOURSOME.

UH, WELL, BARNEY,
WE JUST GOT IT UP

AND, WELL, WE'RE NOT SURE
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO

AND I IMAGINE YOU AND THELMA LOU
GOT YOUR OWN PLANS.

OH, HECK NO,
WE AIN'T GOT NO PLANS!

WHATEVER YOU KIDS WANT TO DO
IS FINE WITH US.

SWELL.

BARNEY, I'D JUST LOVE TO HAVE
YOU AND THELMA LOU COME OVER.

THE FOUR OF US WOULD HAVE
A LOT OF FUN.

DON'T YOU
THINK, ANDY?

YEAH, BOY!

WELL, SURE! YOU KNOW, LIKE THEY
SAY, THE MORE THE MERRIER!

I'LL GIVE YOU A TREAT -- I'LL
BRING OVER MY NEW BONGO DRUM.

I JUST LEARNED "LA CUCARACHA."

All:
* I WAS SEEING NELLIE HOME

* AND 'TWAS FROM
AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY *

* I WAS SEEING NELLIE HOME

YEAH!

* I WAS SEEING NELLIE HOME

* I WAS SEEING
NELLIE HOME *

* AND 'TWAS FROM
AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY *

* I WAS SEEING NELLIE HOME *

YEAH.

PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

UH-HUH,
PRETTY GOOD.

I DON'T BELIEVE THAT
BONGOS FIT IN TOO GOOD

WITH "BRINGING
NELLIE HOME," THOUGH.

WELL, HECK, I WAS JUST TRYING TO
PEP IT UP A LITTLE!

ANY RULE SAYS YOU HAVE TO SING
SONGS THE SAME WAY

FOREVER AND EVER,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES?

WELL, I THINK IT WAS
A NICE TOUCH, BARNEY.

YOU DO? WANT TO HEAR SOME MORE?
WANT TO HEAR "LA CUCARACHA"?

UH, BARN?

HEY, BARN?
BARN?

DON'T YOU BELIEVE
WE'VE HAD ENOUGH MUSIC?

WELL, IF THAT'S
THE WAY YOU FEEL.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO
LIVEN UP THE EVENING.

BARNEY?

OH, YOU GOT
A REQUEST?

YES -- TAKE ME HOME.
IT'S GETTING RATHER LATE.

LATE? WHAT, YOU ALL THIS LATE?

IT'S JUST THE SHANK
OF THE EVENING.

WHAT'LL MARY AND ANDY THINK
IF WE RUN OFF LIKE THIS?

IT'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT, BARN.
RIGHT, MARY?

WELL, WHATEVER
THELMA LOU THINKS.

THERE'LL BE
OTHER EVENINGS.

YEAH, WE OUGHT TO
DO THIS MORE OFTEN!

YOU KNOW, THE FOUR OF US
OUGHT TO GET TOGETHER A LOT.

YEAH, WE OUGHT
TO DO THAT A LOT.

HERE'S YOUR COAT.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT, MARY, AND
THANK YOU FOR A LOVELY EVENING.

OH, YEAH, IT WAS
JUST SWELL.

GOOD NIGHT, MARY.

GLAD YOU
ENJOYED IT.

AIN'T YOU COMING, ANDY?

UH... WELL, NO

I THOUGHT I'D
STAY ON A WHILE.

WELL, WHAT FOR?

BARNEY!

WELL, I'M GONNA TAKE
THE BONGO DRUM.

THINGS ARE LIABLE
TO BE KIND OF DULL.

WELL, UH... ACTUALLY,
MARY PROMISED TO SHOW ME

SOME SLIDES THROUGH
THE MICROSCOPE.

REMEMBER, YOU PROMISED?

UH... WELL, WELL,
IF YOU'D LIKE...

OH, I LOVE TO LOOK
AT THEM SLIDES.

NIGHT, BARN.

WHAT'S INTERESTING ABOUT
LOOKING THROUGH A MICROSCOPE?

BARNEY.

SOME FUN --
LOOKING AT GERMS.

NOW, WHAT YOU
BEEN FUSSIN' ABOUT?

HERE'S THAT PIZZA PIE
I PROMISED YOU.

WOULD YOU
LOOK AT THAT?

NOW, AIN'T YOU
THE PERFECT HOSTESS?

I OUGHT TO COME UP
HERE MORE OFTEN.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING I HAVEN'T
DONE IN A LONG, LONG TIME?

WHAT'S THAT?

GONE ON A PICNIC.
YOU LIKE PICNICS?

OH, I LOVE PICNICS.

I KNOW THE PERFECT SPOT, AND I
BET YOU'VE NEVER BEEN UP THERE.

WHERE'S THAT?

UP PAST FRANKLIN WOODS.

NO, NO, I DON'T THINK
I'VE EVER BEEN THERE.

OH, IT'S
BEAUTIFUL UP THERE.

THERE'S A LITTLE LAKE,
LITTLE BERRY PATCH.

OH, GEE, THAT SOUNDS WONDERFUL.

FINE, I'LL TAKE YOU
UP THERE SOME TIME.

GOOD, AND WE CAN TAKE OPIE, TOO.

YEAH, WE COULD.

YOU KNOW, UH... OPIE'S
BEEN UP THERE A LOT LATELY.

I IMAGINE HE'S TIRED OF IT.

OH?

WELL, WHATEVER YOU SAY.

YEAH, AND BESIDES,
HE'S GOT THIS FRIEND

AND HE GOES
OVER THERE A LOT.

OH.

THANK YOU.

[ DOORBELL BUZZING ]

EXCUSE ME, I WONDER
WHO THAT COULD BE.

HI, KIDS.

ANDY.

BARNEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING BACK?

WELL, AFTER
I TOOK THELMA LOU HOME

I JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
GOING HOME MYSELF.

EVER HAD ONE OF THEM NIGHTS

WHEN YOU JUST DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE GOING HOME?

YOU KNOW,
TOO WIDE-AWAKE?

JUST ONE OF THEM NIGHTS.

OH, PIZZA!

LOOKS LIKE
"MOZ-ARELLA," TOO.

THAT'S MY FAVORITE--
MOZ-ARELLA.

MMM! I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING
TO LOOK THROUGH THE MICROSCOPE

AT SOME GERMS --
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET IT, MARY?

MARY?

ANDY.

UH, YOU STAYING IN THIS EVENING?

OKAY IF I COME OVER?

FINE, FINE.

ABOUT... ABOUT 7:30.

BYE.

HEY! YOU GOT
A DATE WITH MARY?

THAT'S GREAT.
I'LL CALL THELMA LOU.

HEY, LISTEN,
TONIGHT LET'S HAVE THE PIZZA

WITH THE PEPPERONI, OKAY?

I JUST LOVE THAT, TOO,
DON'T YOU, WITH PEPPERONI?

BARNEY, YOU
CAN'T MAKE IT.

I CAN'T?

YOU WAS GOING TO STRAIGHTEN UP
THE FILES, REMEMBER?

AW, DOGGONE, WHY DIDN'T
I DO THAT SOONER?

I COULD HAVE JOINED YOU.

IT'S MUCH MORE FUN
WITH A GROUP.

YEAH, I KNOW, BUT
WE'LL TRY AND MANAGE.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

* IF YOUR HEART
BELONG TO ANOTHER *

* AND YOU'D NEVERMORE
BE MINE *

* I WISH I WAS
A RED ROSY BUSH *

* ON THE BANKS
OF THE SEA *

* EVERY TIME
MY TRUE LOVER PASSED *

* SHE WOULD PLUCK A ROSE

* OFF OF ME

* I WISH I HAD
A LITTLE GOLDEN BOX *

* TO PUT MY TRUE LOVE IN

* I WOULD TAKE HER OUT
AND I'D KISS HER TWICE *

* THEN I'D PUT HER
BACK AGAIN **

OH, THAT'S BEAUTIFUL.

PRETTY LITTLE SONG,
AIN'T IT?

YEAH.

IS IT HARD TO PLAY THE GUITAR?

NO, NOT TOO HARD.

LET ME... LET ME SHOW
YOU A CHORD OR TWO.

OKAY.

NOW, OF COURSE,
YOU HOLD IT LIKE THAT.

AND I'LL TEACH YOU
THE CHORD OF "C" FIRST.

PUT THAT FINGER THERE,
THAT FINGER THERE,

THAT FINGER THERE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, AND YOU PLAY
THE LAST FIVE STRINGS.

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

HELLO?

OH, OH, IT'S BARNEY.

OH.

YEAH, BARN?

HEY, ANDY, YOU KNOW THAT LETTER
WE GOT FROM

THE STATE ATTORNEY'S OFFICE
LAST MONTH?

I CAN'T FIND IT.

WELL, TRY LOOKING UNDER "S" --
"S" FOR "STATE ATTORNEY."

RIGHT.

NOW, WHERE
WERE WE HERE?

LET ME GET YOUR
FINGERS BACK AGAIN.

DID I MOVE THEM?

MM-HMM, A LITTLE.

THERE, THERE...
AND THERE.

NOW, WE GOT THAT ONE.
HOLD THAT.

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

HELLO?

BARNEY?

YEAH, BARN?

WELL, TRY LOOKING
UNDER "A" FOR "ATTORNEY."

RIGHT.

SORRY.

I UNDERSTAND.

OKAY. NOW, YOU MOVED
THEM AGAIN.

THERE YOU ARE.

NOW...

THAT'S HARD TO HOLD.

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

YEAH!

WELL, IF IT'S NOT UNDER "S"
AND IT'S NOT UNDER "A"

I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE IT IS.

WELL, I GOT A THEORY --
SINCE THE LETTER

CAME FROM RALEIGH,
MAYBE IT'S UNDER "R."

WELL, LOOK!

BARNEY IS HAVING TROUBLE
FINDING A LETTER.

OH.

NOW... NOW, WE'LL PLAY
THE LAST FIVE STRINGS.

[ STRING SNAPS ]

UH... MAYBE I OUGHT
TO MAKE SOME COFFEE.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE IT IS, PIPING HOT.

GOOD, LET'S JUST SET
AND LET IT COOL OFF
A LITTLE BIT.

ALL RIGHT.

[ DOORBELL BUZZING ]

UH... I GUESS I'D
BETTER SEE WHO IT IS.

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS
WHERE I FOUND THIS.

IT WASN'T UNDER "A" OR "S"
OR "R" -- ANYPLACE LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW WHERE IT WAS?

IT WAS BEHIND THE FILE
ON THE FLOOR.

CAN YOU BEAT THAT?

OOH, COFFEE!

BOY, I SURE AM IN LUCK.

NO PIZZA TONIGHT, HUH?

WELL, I'LL GO OUT
AND GET SOME LATER.

WHAT'LL BE TONIGHT --
MOZZARELLA OR PEPPERONI?

YOU NAME IT,
IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME.

I JUST LIKE PIZZA.

( sighs )

OH, YOU KNOW, ANDY

I SURE DID
HAVE A GOOD TIME

OVER MARY'S LAST
NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU?

YEAH, SURE I DID.

SHE'S A GREAT,
LITTLE GIRL.

I SURE DO ENJOY
HER COMPANY.

SO I NOTICED.

UH... BARN?

YEAH?

THERE'S SOMETHIN' I
WANNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

( clears throat )

YEAH?

YOU KNOW, FOR ABOUT
A WEEK NOW

WE'VE BEEN SPENDIN' A LOT
OF TIME TOGETHER, RIGHT?

YEAH.

I MEAN, IT'S BEEN

MARY AND ME,
AND YOU AND THELMA LOU

OR MARY, AND ME
AND YOU AND, UH...

WELL, I WAS THINKIN'.

YEAH?

DON'T YOU THINK WE OUGHT
TO SPEND SOME TIME ALONE?

DO YOU, UH...

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

OH, SURE I UNDERSTAND,
ANDY, OF COURSE.

SARAH, GET ME 2-4-7.

YOU SHOULD HAVE
MENTIONED THIS SOONER.

THELMA LOU? BARN.

YEAH.

LISTEN, WE CAN'T MAKE IT
OVER TO MARY'S TONIGHT.

ANDY AND I WANNA SPEND
SOME TIME ALONE.

RIGHT... OKAY.

YOU CALL MARY.

WHAT DO YOU WANNA DO?

NO, BARN.

THAT... THAT'S NOT
WHAT I HAD IN MIND.

THAT'S NOT WHAT I HAD
IN MIND AT ALL-L-L.

YOU SEE, WHAT I
HAD IN MIND

WAS I WANT TO SPEND
SOME TIME ALONE WITH MARY.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

SEE, I WANNA
SPEND

SOME TIME ALONE
WITH MARY.

I... I WANNA...
I WANNA TALK TO HER.

THERE'S A FEW THINGS THAT I
WANNA SAY TO HER IN PRIVATE.

HMM? FOLLOW ME?

ARE YOU KIDDIN'?

SON OF A GUN,
OF COURSE I FOLLOW YOU.

GOOD.

THEN, WE'LL BE ALONE
TONIGHT, RIGHT?

SURE, PAL.

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

WELL, I'M GOING
OVER TO FLOYD'S

AND GET A HAIRCUT.

SURE, YOU DO THAT.

OH... THAT SON OF A GUN.

I SHOULD'VE GUESSED.

HE'S GONNA POP
THE QUESTION TONIGHT.

OUR SHERIFF'S GONNA
GET HISSELF HITCHED.

ANDY AND MARY?
REALLY, BARNEY?

THEY'RE GETTIN' MARRIED?

OH, ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL?

CERTAINLY GOT HIMSELF
A NICE GIRL.

YEAH...

YOU KNOW, IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE

WATCHING MY OWN KID
GET MARRIED.

OH...

GOLLY, THELMA LOU,
I JUST HOPE I DON'T CRY.

ANDY? GETTING MARRIED?

MY ANDY?

YEAH, YEAH, HE'S
ASKING HER TONIGHT.

WELL, WHY ALL THE SECRECY?
WHY DIDN'T HE TELL ME?

WELL, YOU KNOW ANDY --
TIGHT-LIPPED.

THE ONLY REASON
HE TOLD ME IS

HE KNEW HE COULDN'T
HIDE IT FROM ME.

CAN'T KEEP ANYTHING FROM
OLD EAGLE-EYE BARNEY.

ANDY GETTING MARRIED!

YEAH, HE'S TAKING
THE PLUNGE.

OH, BARNEY, I HOPE I DON'T
CRY AT THE WEDDING.

NOW, DON'T YOU START, AUNT BEE.

IF YOU DO, I'M A GONER.

ANDY!

HOWDY, THELMA LOU.

BARN?

OH, HOWDY, AUNT BEE,
IS THAT LUNCH?

SOMEBODY SURE IS IN
A JAW-KISSING MOOD TODAY.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

OH, HOWDY, BARN --
ABOUT READY FOR LUNCH?

IT JUST GOT HERE.

HEY, LISTEN,
BEFORE WE START

WANT TO GO
ACROSS THE STREET

AND GET A COUPLE
OF ROOT BEERS?

[ SNIFFLING ]

MARY SAID IT'S
THAT TIME OF THE YEAR.

MAYBE THEY'RE ALL
COMING DOWN WITH COLDS.

MMM-MMM, THANK YOU.

OH, THAT WAS
A FINE SUPPER, MARY.

THANK YOU.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO HAVE YOUR COFFEE

IN THE LIVING ROOM
BY THE FIREPLACE?

WELL, NOW, THAT'S
ANOTHER GOOD IDEA.

IT SURELY IS.

HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.

A WHOLE EVENING WITHOUT
ANY INTERRUPTIONS.

YOU KNOW, HOW IT GOT
TO BE THAT WAY?

NO.

I JUST UP
AND TOLD BARNEY.

OH.

I'M GLAD.

I'M GLAD, TOO.

A WHOLE EVENING...
ALONE TOGETHER.

JUST THE TWO OF US.

[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ]

FOLKS! FOLKS, LET ME HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION.

LET ME HAVE
YOUR ATTENTION.

NOW, HERE'S
THE PLAN, SEE?

THE WAY I FIGURE,
ANDY AND MARY

HAVE PROBABLY JUST ABOUT
FINISHED THEIR SUPPER, SEE,

SO WE'LL GIVE THEM ANOTHER HOUR.

THAT WILL GIVE ANDY
ENOUGH TIME TO POP THE QUESTION.

AND THEN WE'LL ALL MARCH IN
AND WE'LL YELL "SURPRISE!"

[ MUSIC IN BACKGROUND ]

OH, THIS IS THE NICEST,
QUIETEST EVENING

I'VE SPENT IN
I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG.

IT'S REAL PEACEFUL
MUSIC, ISN'T IT?

MM-HMM.

REAL NICE.

OH, ANDY, WOULD YOU LOOK
AT THAT BEAUTIFUL FULL MOON.

MM-HMM! AIN'T
THAT SOMETHING?

WELL, IT'S KIND OF
A SHAME TO WASTE THAT.

WANNA TAKE A DRIVE?

THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA.

AND WE CAN TAKE MY CAR
AND PUT THE TOP DOWN.

WHY DON'T WE DO THAT?

OKAY!

THIS WAY, FOLKS!

[ TALKING OVER EACH OTHER ]

ALL RIGHT, STAY CLOSE,
EVERYBODY!

OKAY!

OKAY, EVERYBODY IN ALL RIGHT?

OKAY, FOLLOW ME!

QUIET, QUIET, QUIET... SHH.

NOW, I'M GOING TO COUNT THREE

AND THEN WE'LL ALL CRASH IN
AND YELL "SURPRISE."

ONE...

TWO...

All:
SURPRISE!

SURPRISE!

SURPRISE!

ANDY?

MARY?

WELL, THERE'S
NOBODY HERE.

NO SIGN OF THEM.

THAT'S FUNNY.

BARNEY, ARE YOU SURE ANDY
WAS COMING HERE TONIGHT?

YOU'RE SURE YOU GOT
THIS WHOLE THING RIGHT, NOW?

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE!

HOLD IT!

ALL RIGHT,
THEY AIN'T HERE.

BUT THEY WERE
HERE, WEREN'T THEY?

DO YOU THINK
I MADE THIS UP?

THINK I'M SOME KIND OF
A DUMBBELL OR SOMETHING?

WANNA HEAR
A LITTLE MUSIC?

OH, SURE.

[ MUSIC PLAYING ]

MMM... THAT'S NICE.

( sighs )

YOU KNOW, IT SEEMS

LIKE WE'RE A MILLION
MILES AWAY FROM EVERYONE.

MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW, I'M SORRY WE
DIDN'T DO THIS BEFORE.

WELL, WHOSE FAULT
IS THAT?

MINE, MY FAULT,
ALL MY FAULT.

I TAKE ALL THE BLAME.

OF COURSE, EVERYTHING
COME OUT ALL RIGHT.

I JUST HAD TO WORK
MY WAY

UP THROUGH A FEW PIZZA
PIES TO GET UP HERE.

YUP.

AND HERE WE ARE.

YUP.

HERE WE ARE.

A MILLION MILES AWAY
FROM EVERYONE.

YEAH...A MILLION
MILES AWAY.

Barney ( whispering ):
BE QUIET, BE QUIET.

WHAT WAS THAT?

WHAT WAS WHAT?

I THOUGHT I HEARD
A VOICE -- LISTEN.

( yells ):
HERE THEY ARE!

All:
SURPRISE!

CONGRATULATIONS!

OH, LOOK WHAT WE
HAVE HERE FOR YOU.

COLESLAW AND
POTATO SALAD AND...

PHANTOM FIFE
STRIKES AGAIN.

( banjo music playing,
everyone chatting )

EVERYBODY GOT ENOUGH
POTATO SALAD?

COME ON, SPEAK UP NOW!
LET'S FINISH EVERYTHING!

WE'RE ONLY GOING TO HAVE TO
THROW IT OUT, YOU KNOW!

WELL...

MARY, I'VE BEEN
TRYING FOR SOMETIME

TO COURT YOU.

WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT

IF I WENT AHEAD AND
COURTED YOU IN PUBLIC?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I SAY, DO YOU MIND
IF I GO AHEAD

AND COURT YOU IN
FRONT OF EVERYBODY?

NO.

WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT
IF I WAS TO KISS YOU?

YOU MIGHT JUST AS WELL

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK
ANYBODY'D NOTICE AT ALL.

FINE.

Barney: ANYONE ELSE
FOR POTATO SALAD?

WHO WANTS POTATO SALAD?