The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 6 - Runaway Kid - full transcript

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]

STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...

WITH RONNY HOWARD...

ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.

YEAH, THIS OUGHT
TO DO FINE, FRED.

MUCH OBLIGED.

UNCLE FRED,
WHERE IS THE...?

OH, HELLO,
SHERIFF.

NOW, MY
FIRST NAME'S ANDY.

ANDY.

HOW ARE YOU,
MISS ELLIE?



SOMEONE NOT FEELING
WELL AT YOUR HOUSE?

OH, THIS AIN'T
FOR THE FAMILY.

IT'S FOR THE
CHURCH PICNIC

AND DANCE SATURDAY.

A HOT WATER BOTTLE?

WHAT'S IT GOING
TO BE FILLED WITH?

IT AIN'T FOR NIPPIN'.

IT'S ONE OF THE PRIZES.

PRIZE?

THE COMMITTEE ALWAYS TRIES

TO FIT THE PRIZE TO THE WINNER

AND SEEING AS HOW JIM SOMMERS
ALWAYS WINS THE SACK RACE...

JIM SOMMERS?

JIM, HE RUNS
THE MEAT MARKET DOWN HERE.



HE'S IN AND OUT
OF THAT ICEBOX ALL DAY.

GETS MIGHTY COLD IN THERE.

I'M SURE THAT
OUGHT TO MAKE

MR. SOMMERS
VERY HAPPY.

OH, IT AIN'T FOR JIM.

IT'S FOR HIS WIFE.

IT KIND OF THAWS
HIM OUT AT BEDTIME.

OH.

I WISH I WERE GOING TO BE THERE
TO CONGRATULATE HER.

YOU MEAN YOU AIN'T GOING
TO BE AT THE DANCE?

THAT'S RIGHT.

UNCLE FRED, WHERE'S
THE BENZOATE?

BOTTOM SHELF,
BEHIND THE IPECAC.

THANKS. NICE
SEEING YOU,
SHERIFF.

UH, ANDY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WHY IN THE WORLD
DO YOU RECKON

A FINE-LOOKING
GIRL LIKE THAT

AIN'T GOING
TO THE DANCE?

COULD BE THAT NOBODY
AIN'T ASKED HER.

THEY AIN'T?

I'LL BE DOGGED, AND HER
AS PRETTY AS A PEACH, TOO.

THE BOYS OUGHT TO BE
BUZZING AROUND HER

LIKE FLIES AROUND A SPOONFUL
OF HONEY.

YOU AIN'T DOING MUCH BUZZING
YOURSELF, YOU KNOW.

HUH? OH, WELL, IT'S
DIFFERENT WITH ME.

I MEAN, SEEING AS HOW
I'M SHERIFF AND ALL.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO GIVE UP BEING SHERIFF

TO DO A LITTLE BUZZING

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

WELL, NO. I...I GUESS

IT WOULD BE THE FRIENDLY
THING TO DO, WOULDN'T IT?

TO BUZZ...BUZZ A LITTLE?

I MEAN, SHE-SHE IS NEW
IN TOWN AND ALL, AIN'T SHE?

YEAH. I MEAN, IT WOULD
ACTUALLY BE MORE LIKE

PAYING A NEIGHBORLY CALL

THAN IT WOULD BE
BUZZING, WOULDN'T IT?

DURN, IF YOU DIDN'T
TALK ME INTO IT, FRED.

I'LL JUST GO BACK
AND ASK HER

IS WHAT I'LL DO.

ASK HER.

UH, MISS ELLIE?

YES, ANDY?

OH, DID, UH...

DID I HEAR YOU
SAY SOMETHING

ABOUT YOU WOULDN'T, UH, BE
AT THE, UH, PICNIC SATURDAY?

THAT'S RIGHT.

OH.

WELL, UH, UH,
MISS-MISS ELLIE...

YES?

HAVE, UH, HAVE YOU GOT
SOMETHING AGAINST PICNICS?

NO.

OH. WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

[ LAUGHING ]

WELL, UH, UH, MISS ELLIE...

YES, ANDY?

UH, SUPPOSING THAT
SOMEBODY WAS TO ASK YOU

TO GO TO THE PICNIC,
YOU, UH, YOU RECKON YOU WOULD?

I PROBABLY WOULD.

W-W-WELL, UH...

UH, SEEING AS HOW THAT

YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHING
AGAINST PICNICS

AND SEEING AS HOW
YOU WOU GO

WAS SOMEBODY TO ASK YOU

AND, UH, SEEING AS HOW...

I'D BE VERY HAPPY

TO GO TO THE PICNIC
WITH YOU, ANDY.

WELL, HOW IN THE WORLD
DID YOU EVER KNOW

I WAS GOING TO ASK?

I BEGAN TO, UM...RECKON
AS HOW YOU MIGHT.

HOW'D YOU ASK HER?

I JUST ASKED HER IS ALL.

AIN'T NO GREAT SHAKES

TO ASKING A GIRL
TO GO TO THE DANCE.

NO?

NAW.

I JUST WALKED
IN THE DRUGSTORE THERE

AND WENT IN THE BACK ROOM
WHERE SHE WAS

AND FIGURED OUT
WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY

AND WALKED RIGHT UP TO HER.

I SAYS, "MISS ELLIE, HOW 'BOUT
ME AND YOU GOING TO THE DANCE?"

JUST LIKE THAT.
SAYS, "YOU GONNA GO OR NOT?"

WHAT DID SHE SAY?

OH, YOU KNOW HOW WOMEN ARE.

SHE BLUSHED, TURNED,
TWISTED AROUND A WHILE.

THEN FINALLY, SHE SAYS,

"I'D BE HAPPY TO GO
TO THE DANCE WITH YOU."

THAT'S NICE.

YEAH.

YEAH, AND WE'LL HAVE
A PRETTY GOOD TIME,

AND IT WAS THE RIGHT THING
FOR ME TO DO, TOO, I EXPECT.

GO OVER THERE
AND TAKE HER TO THE DANCE,

AND WE'LL DANCE AROUND TWO
OR THREE TWO-STEPS AND A WALTZ,

AND THEN WE'LL SET AROUND
AND DRINK PUNCH A WHILE.

SHE'LL HAVE
A PRETTY GOOD TIME.

SHE CAN DO -- SHE CAN DO RIGHT
SMART WORSE THAN ME, YOU KNOW.

OH, I KNOW.

YEAH, BOY, I AIN'T TOO BAD
TO TAKE, ACTUALLY,

IF I GET ON A COAT
AND A NICE SPORT SHIRT

AND KIND OF PUT ON A PAIR OF
BRITCHES WITH A CREASE IN THEM.

I'M SURE.

[ LAUGHS ]
YES, SIR.

I'LL TAKE A LITTLE WATER,

AND I'LL COMB MY HAIR DOWN
REAL GOOD,

AND THEN I'LL MAKE A LITTLE
RABBIT RIDGE RIGHT IN THERE.

AND I'LL PUT A LITTLE TALCUM
AROUND MY NECK, YEAH,

AND THEM GIRLS,
THEY'LL GET UP CLOSE,

NUDGING ONE ANOTHER
AND GIGGLING.

WON'T THEY, THOUGH?

THAT'S THE REASON SHE'S HAPPY
TO GO WITH ME, YEAH.

THE WAY SHE SAID IT WAS --
THE WAY SHE SAID IT --

SHE SAYS...SHE SAYS

"I'D BE HAPPY TO GO
TO THE DANCE WITH YOU, ANDY."

SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAY
SHE SAID, "ANDY"

THAT MADE IT SOUND LIKE SHE
WAS REAL HAPPY TO GO WITH ME.

I'M SURE SHE DOES.

YEAH, SHE...SHE TOOK ME RIGHT
UP ON IT WHEN I ASKED HER.

I...I ACTUALLY DIDN'T FINISH
ASKING HER.

SHE TOOK ME UP
ON IT BEFORE I ASKED HER.

YOU KNOW, I JUST BARELY HAD

THE WORDS FIGURED OUT
WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY

'FORE SHE SAID SHE'D GO WITH ME?

NOW, I'M TRYIN' TO FIGURE OUT
SOMETHIN', HERE.

DID I ASK HER,
OR DID SHE ASK ME?

ANDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WELL, I'M DOING SOME
STUDYING IS WHAT I'M DOING.

THERE'S SOMETHING
CURIOUS GOING ON HERE.

OH, COME, NOW.

SHE ACCEPTED
YOUR INVITATION

BECAUSE WHERE ELSE
IS SHE GOING TO FIND

SUCH A FINE, HANDSOME,
UPSTANDING YOUNG FELLA?

IN THE WHOLE COUNTY?

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND HOW COME SHE COME OUT
OF THE BACK WHEN SHE DID

ALL CLEAN AND PRETTY
AND SWEET-SMELLING, HUH?

HOW COME? HOW COME?

TO TALK TO HER UNCLE,
YOU SAID.

NO. 'CAUSE SHE
HEARD MY VOICE.

AND HOW COME
SHE LET ME KNOW

ALL SMILING AND
FRIENDLY LIKE

THAT SHE WASN'T GOING
TO BE AT THE DANCE?

WELL, YOU ASKED,
AND SHE TOLD YOU.

NO. SHE KNOWED A FINE,
SOFTHEARTED FELLOW
LIKE MYSELF WOULD DO

THE DECENT THING
AND A HER.

YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO BROUGHT UP

THE SUBJECT
OF THE DANCE.

SHE DIDN'T.

NO.

NO, THAT'S RIGHT,
SHE DIDN'T, DID SHE?

NO, IT WAS FRED.

HER KIN.

OH...!

THAT'S THE WAY
THEY HAD IT FIGURED.

YEAH. I'D COME IN.

HE'D BRING UP THE SUBJECT.

SHE'D COME OUT OF THE BACK.

I'D ASK HER WAS SHE GOING
TO THE DANCE.

SHE'D SAY NO,
PITIFUL-LIKE, AND LEAVE.

HE'D WHACK AWAY
AT MY NATURAL SOFT HEART.

I'D TAKE THE BAIT, AND WHAM,
HOOKED LIKE A STARVIN' CATFISH.

OH, AUNT BEE, WHAT THEY GOT
IN MIND FOR ME

IS AS CLEAR AS THE NOSE
ON A WARTHOG'S FACE.

WHAT?

MATRIMONY.

OH, ANDY.

THAT'S RIGHT,
AUNT BEE.

IT JUST STANDS
TO REASON.

NOW, SHE GETS ME TO ASK HER
TO THE DANCE.

A SIMPLE, INNOCENT THING,
YOU'D SAY.

BUT FOLKS SEE US TOGETHER.

"HOWDY, ANDY."
"HOWDY, ELLIE."

ANDY AND ELLIE.
ELLIE AND ANDY.

NAMES KIND OF SOUND ALIKE,
DON'T THEY?

NAMES KIND OF START
GOING TOGETHER.

WELL, PRETTY SOON, SOMEBODY
WANTS TO THROW THEM A WINGDING.

THEY DON'T SAY,
"LET'S ASK ANDY."

THEY SAY,
"LET'S ASK ANDY AND ELLIE."

PRETTY SOON IT AIN'T ONLY
THE NAMES THAT'S GOING TOGETHER,

IT'S THE OWNERS
OF THE NAMES.

AND THE FIRST THING
YOU KNOW --

W-W-WELL, Y-YOU SEE

WHAT KIND OF A DANCE
SHE TRAPPED ME INTO--

NOT A LEGION DANCE

NOT A CHAMBER
OF COMMERCE DANCE

NOT A UPLIFTERS' DANCE--

A CHURCH DANCE.

KIND OF GETTIN' ME
USED TO THE LOCATION.

OH, AUNT BEE...

THIS HERE IS A PRETTY
CONNIVING FEMALE.

OH, ANDY, SHE IS NOT.

HI, AUNT BEE.

HI, PA.

ICE CREAM RIGHT
BEFORE YOUR DINNER?

NOW, WHY DID YOU GO
AND BUY AN ICE CREAM, OPIE?

I DIDN'T BUY
IT, AUNT BEE.

IT WAS GIVED TO ME.

OH? WHO GAVE IT TO YOU?

MISS ELLIE AT
WALKER'S DRUGSTORE.

OPIE, DID YOU GO IN

AND BEG SOME ICE CREAM
FROM THAT GIRL?

GOSH, NO, AUNT BEE.

I WAS JUST STANDIN' THERE,
SORT OF LOOKIN' IN

AND SHE SEED ME, AND SHE SAID,
"OH, YOU'RE SHERIFF TAYLOR'S

LITTLE BOY,
AIN'T YA?"

AND I SAYS, "YUP,"
AND SHE SAYS

HOW'D I LIKE ME
SOME ICE CREAM?

AND I SAYS,
"I'D LIKE ME SOME FINE

ONLY I AIN'T GOT ME
NO SPENDING MONEY."

AND SHE SAYS,
WHEN'S MY BIRTHDAY?

AND I SAYS,
"I WASN'T RIGHTLY SURE."

AND SHE SAYS, THEN MAYBE
TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE

SHE'D BETTER GIVE ME
MY PRESENT NOW, AND SHE DID.

AND, BOY,
I LIKE HER PRETTY FINE.

THAT'S IT.

WHAT IS?

IF I WASN'T ABSOLUTELY,
POSITIVELY SURE BEFORE

I AM NOW.

THAT ICE CREAM
AIN'T NO PRESENT.

IT'S A DOWN PAYMENT
ON A HUSBAND.

ANY FEMALE WHO'D
BAIT A TRAP

WITH A MAN'S
OWN SON

IS A DESPERATE,
DETERMINED HUNTER.

AIN'T BUT ONE WAY

FOR THE QUARRY
TO OUTFOX THE HUNTER.

JUST PUT HER ON THE SCENT
OF OTHER GAME.

LET HER GO OFF SOMEWHERE
AND GIG SOME OTHER FROGS.

BY DOG, SHE WAS
RIGHT, PETE.

YOU HAVE GOT

THE DANGDEST LONGEST
EYELASHES I EVER DID SEE.

SHE SAID THAT, ANDY?

RIGHT OUT
HER OWN MOUTH?

WELL, NOW, SHE DIDN'T
SO MUCH SAY IT.

IT WAS MORE THE WAY
SHE WAS LOOKIN' AT YOU.

YOU KNOW, THAT DAY YOU
COME IN THE DRUGSTORE?

BY GOLLY, SHE WAS RIGHT.

WHO? ABOUT WHAT?

FRANKLIN, DID ANYBODY
EVER TELL YOU

YOU GOT THE CUTEST
LITTLE NOSE?

HELLO.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

HOWDY.

I AM, UH...
I'M PETE JOHNSON.

I'M ELLIE WALKER.

I'M PLEASED
TO MEET YOU.

I KNOW.

IS THERE SOMETHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU?

IS THERE, UH...
ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE?

WOULD YOU MIND READING
IT FOR ME, MISS ELLIE?

MY DANGED EYELASHES
GET IN MY WAY.

HELLO.

HELLO.

I'M, UH...

I'M FRANKLIN POMEROY.

WELL, I...I'M ELLIE WALKER
AND I'M PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

I'LL BET.

I-IS THERE ANYTHING
YOU GENTLEMEN...

HOWDY.

I'M CHARLIE BEASLEY.

I'M ELLIE WALKER.

IT'S NICE
KNOWING YOU.

SURE THING.

IS THERE, UM...ANYTHING AT ALL?

WHAT IN TARNATION...?

HI, FRED.

HI, FRED.

BYE.

BYE.

BYE.

WHAT WAS ALL THAT FOR?

I DON'T HAVE
THE FAINTEST
IDEA, UNCLE FRED.

THEY JUST CAME IN

INTRODUCED THEMSELVES
AND STARTED TWITCHING.

IF A BODY COULD HARNESS
ALL THAT POWER, ELLIE

YOU COULD GENERATE
ENOUGH 'LECTRICITY

TO SUPPLY THE COUNTY.

I JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT.

Ellie:
HELLO, OPIE.

HOW DO, MISS ELLIE?

ARE YOU READY FOR
ANOTHER ICE CREAM CONE?

I GOT A DIME
TO PAY FOR IT.

YOU HAVE?

MY PA SAYS I GOT TO PAY
FOR MY ICE CREAM CONES

AND NOT LET YOU GIMME
NO PRESENTS.

WHY?

MY PA SAYS
THAT ICE CREAM YOU GAVE ME

WAS A DOWN PAYMENT
ON A HUSBAND.

HE...HE SAID WHAT?

HE SAID
THAT ICE CREAM YOU GAVE ME

WAS A DOWN PAYMENT
ON A HUSBAND.

HE SAID THAT TO AUNT BEE.

I SEE.

WHAT ELSE DID YOUR PA
SAY TO AUNT BEE?

HE SAID A FEMALE
THAT WOULD BAIT A TRAP

WITH A FELLA'S OWN SON
WAS A DESPERATE HUNTER.

OH.

ANYTHING ELSE?

THAT THERE AIN'T BUT ONE WAY

FOR THE QUARRY
TO OUTFOX THE HUNTER.

AND WHAT'S THAT?

TO PUT HER ON THE SCENT
OF OTHER GAME.

OH...

THEN, THAT'S WHY...

OH!

YOU A DESPERATE HUNTER,
MISS ELLIE?

NOT REALLY.

'CAUSE I KNOW WHERE YOU
CAN GET YOURSELF A POSSUM.

NO THANKS, HONEY.

RIGHT NOW, I'M
ON THE TRAIL OF A BABOON.

[ BELL RINGS ]

I'LL GET IT.

NO, I'LL GET IT.

OH, HOWDY, ELLIE.

HELLO, SHERIFF, HONEY.

ELLIE BABY IS SO GLAD

TO SEE HER LITTLE
SHERIFF SWEETIE.

WHAT? UH. NO, NO, NO.

UH, NO. ELLIE...

DID YOU KNOW
THAT YOU'VE GOT

SOME OF OUR YOUNG BUCKS
IN TOWN ALL SHOOK UP?

WELL, I FEEL
THE SAME WAY

ABOUT A CERTAIN YOUNG
FELLA, TOO, SHERIFF HONEY.

NO. QUIT, ELLIE...

NO, IT'S THE TRUTH.

I JUST RUN INTO A COUPLE
OF OUR YOUNG BUCKS

AND THEY COULDN'T TALK
ABOUT ANYTHING BUT YOU.

THEY WENT ON ABOUT...

OH, NOW, ANDY-PIE

YOU KNOW YOU
HAVE NOTHING

TO BE JEALOUS ABOUT.

BABY...

I'M NOT JEALOUS. I...

NOW YOU COME
RIGHT OVER HERE.

ELLIE'S GOING TO FIX
A NICE, COOL SODA

SHE FIXES ONLY
FOR HER SPECIAL

FAVORITE SHERIFF LAMB.

NO, ELLIE...

ELLIE, I-I...

I JUST COME IN HERE
TO TELL YOU

ABOUT THESE BOYS
YOU GOT ALL SHOOK UP.

BOY, THEY REALLY ARE SHOOK UP

LET ME TELL YOU.

I MEAN,
YOU TAKE, LIKE

GOOD OLD FRANKLIN POMEROY.

HE'S A GOOD OLD BUDDY.
FINE BOY.

GOT A BIG FUTURE AT THE BANK

AND GOT THE CUTEST LITTLE BUTTON
OF A NOSE...

AN...AND, AND PETE JOHNSON?

YOU TAKE GOOD OLD PETE JOHNSON.

FINE UPSTANDING BOY.

JUST DYING TO SETTLE DOWN
WITH A SWEET, YOUNG THING.

AND CHARLIE BEASLEY.

THAT BOY HAS
GOT MUSCLES

IN THE DANGDEST PLACES.

YES, SIR,
HE'D MAKE SOMEONE...

SHERIFF, HONEY

DOES LITTLE OL' YOU

BELIEVE IN LONG
ENGAGEMENTS?

ELLIE, I'M AFRAID
I'VE GOT

SOME BAD NEWS FOR YOU

ABOUT THE CHURCH PICNIC
AND DANCE SATURDAY.

I'M AFRAID I CAN'T GO.

HERE IT IS,
SHERIFF HONEY.

MY SPECIAL SODA
FOR SPECIAL PEOPLE

I WANT TO SHOW
HOW I FEEL ABOUT.

ELLIE...

I...OOH...!

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO,
POISON ME?

I WISH I COULD,
YOU ARROGANT

CONCEITED, BIG-HEADED

TWO-FACED,
UNDERHANDED...!

WHAT?

HOW DARE YOU THINK
I'D WANT TO MARRY YOU?

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

JUST BECAUSE
I ACCEPTED

WHAT I THOUGHT
WAS A FRIENDLY

NEIGHBORLY
INVITATION.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION,
MR. SHERIFF, I'VE GIVEN

DOZENS OF CHILDREN
FREE ICE CREAM CONES

EVEN IF THEY WEREN'T THE
CHILDREN OF SUCH GORGEOUS

CHARMING, DESIRABLE
CATCHES AS YOURSELF.

WELL, LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING

YOU BIG, BRAVE HERO.

I WOULDN'T GO TO
THE DANCE WITH YOU

IF YOU WERE THE
LAST MAN ON EARTH

LET ALONE MARRY YOU.

NOR DO I NEED
YOUR GENEROUS HELP

IN GETTING AN ESCORT

AND TO PROVE IT,
I'M GOING WITH

THE FIRST SINGLE,
UNATTACHED MAN

WHO COMES THROUGH
THAT DOOR!

HI.

YOU!

ME?

YES. ARE YOU TAKING ANYONE

TO THE CHURCH
DANCE SATURDAY?

NO.

IN THAT CASE, I ACCEPT
YOUR INVITATION.

THANK YOU!

I JUST COME IN
FOR SOME FOOT POWDER.

ANDY, WHY DON'T
YOU COME IN

AND HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT
AND FORGET ABOUT THIS?

OH, I CAN'T EAT,
AUNT BEE.

OH, ANDY,
ELLIE'S AN AWFULLY NICE GIRL

AND I'M SURE IF YOU
WENT OVER TO SEE HER

AND TOLD HER YOU WERE REAL SORRY
AND ASKED HER POLITE-LIKE

I'M SURE SHE'D GO TO THE DANCE
AND PICNIC WITH YOU.

AUNT BEE, YOU...

NO. NO...

EVEN IF SHE WAS
NICE ENOUGH TO FORGIVE ME

WHY, SHE'S A-GOING
WITH BARNEY.

OH?

WELL,

SUPPOSIN' BARNEY

WAS TO CHANGE HIS MIND
ABOUT TAKING HER?

WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?

A PRETTY GIRL
LIKE ELLIE ASKING HIM?

I EXPECT HE'S FALLING
ALL OVER HISSELF

FOUR WAYS TO FRIDAY
TO GET READY.

OH, I THINK IF YOU GAVE HIM
GOOD ENOUGH REASONS

HE'D CHANGE HIS MIND
ABOUT TAKING HER.

HOW IN THE WORLD
COULD I DO THAT?

WELL, YOU'RE HIS BOSS.

HE HAS TO TAKE HIS ORDERS
FROM YOU.

OH, WELL, YEAH.

YEAH, I KNOW THAT.

OH...OH, AUNT BEE

I'D BE ASHAMED.

OH, HELLO, BARNEY.

HI, AUNT BEE.

HI, ANDY.

WELL, BARNEY,
LOOK AT YOU.

AIN'T YOU THE ADOLPHE MENJOU
OF MAYBERRY, THOUGH?

WOO-WOO!

YOU SURE
I LOOK ALL RIGHT?

I AIN'T WORE
THIS SUIT

SINCE CLARY DORSETT'S
FUNERAL.

WHY,
YOU LOOK GOOD ENOUGH

TO GO TO THE CITY
AND WALK AROUND CHINATOWN.

DON'T HE LOOK NICE,
AUNT BEE?

YOU LOOK VERY
NICE, BARNEY.

WELL, I THINK I'LL LEAVE
YOU TWO MEN ALONE.

YOU'VE GOT A LOT
TO TALK ABOUT.

I JUST WANTED YOU
TO CHECK ME OVER

BEFORE I GO
TO GET HER, ANDY.

OH, YOU LOOK FINE.

OH, YOU...

YOU SMELL KIND
OF NICE, TOO.

DID YOU PUT A
LITTLE SOMETHING

ON YOURSELF, HUH?

OH, THAT'S JUST
A LITTLE WITCH HAZEL

WHERE I CUT MYSELF
SHAVING.

WELL, YOU LOOK FINE, BARNEY.

GO AHEAD AND
HAVE A GOOD TIME.

THANKS, I WILL.

OH, BARNEY.

YEAH.

OH, NEVER MIND.

YOU AIN'T GOING TO BE
IN UNIFORM ANYWAYS.

FORGET IT.

RIGHT.

UH.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
I AIN'T GOING TO BE

IN UNIFORM ANYWAYS,
SO FORGET IT?

OH, NOTHING. I JUST...

A LOT OF TRAFFIC
AND PARKING AND ALL

OVER THERE AT THE PICNIC AND
I FIGURED TO NEED A DEPUTY.

WELL, I'LL BE THERE, ANDY.

OH, YEAH, I KNOW, BUT
HOW'S IT GOING TO LOOK

TO YOUR YOUNG LADY THERE

DANCING A WALTZ AND
DIRECTING TRAFFIC

AT THE SAME TIME?

YOU'RE ALL DRESSED UP.

I GUESS I'LL JUST SWEAR IN
A TEMPORARY DEPUTY.

YOU RECKON JEFF PRITCHARD
WOULD BE ALL RIGHT?

WELL, YEAH.

YEAH, I GUESS MAYBE JEFF
WON'T MESS IT UP TOO BAD.

OF COURSE, HE AIN'T
HAD MY EXPERIENCE, BUT...

HE'LL DO IN A PINCH.

YEAH, YEAH,
YEAH, YEAH.

'COURSE, I HATE TO SEE HIM
GET THAT CITATION 'STEAD OF YOU.

YEAH.

WHAT CITATION?

OH, FOR ROUNDING UP
ANY PICKPOCKETS HE MIGHT SPOT.

PICKPOCKETS?

HERE IN MAYBERRY?

WHY...ANDY,
WE AIN'T HAD A POCKET PICKED

SINCE OLD MAN BURNETT
PUT IN THAT COMPLAINT

AGAINST OLD LADY BURNETT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS-- PICNIC DAY,
FOLKS COMING IN

FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTY,
AND POCKETS FULL OF MONEY.

WELL, IT PROBABLY
WON'T HAPPEN THOUGH.

YOU JUST DON'T WORRY
YOURSELF ABOUT IT

AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.

YEAH.

OH, BARNEY.

YEAH?

IF YOU RUN INTO
JEFF PRITCHARD

TELL HIM I'M A-LOOKING
FOR HIM, WILL YOU?

YEAH, YEAH. I WILL, I WILL.

IT JUST AIN'T FAIR,
ANDY, IT JUST AIN'T FAIR.

NOW, THEY'RE MY PICKPOCKETS,
NOT JEFF PRITCHARD'S.

WELL, I...

YOU CAN'T DO THAT
TO ME, ANDY.

IT JUST AIN'T FAIR.

I'VE BEEN DEPUTYING
NEAR A YEAR AND A HALF

AND HAVEN'T EVEN CATCHED MYSELF
A LITTLE OLD SNEAK THIEF.

THE MINUTE MY BACK'S TURNED,
SOME JOHNNY-COME-LATELY

ROUNDS HIMSELF UP A WHOLE RING
OF PICKPOCKETS SINGLE-HANDED.

MY PICKPOCKETS. MY CITATION.

YOU CAN'T DO THAT
TO ME, ANDY.

I'M A DEPUTY SHERIFF

NOT A PICNICKING PLAYBOY.

I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR FLIMFLAM
LIKE THAT.

I'M ON 24-HOUR CALL.

IF YOU'D JUST...

DEPUTY BARNEY FIFE,
REPORTING FOR DUTY, SAH!

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

OH, HELLO, BARNEY.

WHAT?

OH, THAT'S A SHAME.

OH. YES, I UNDERSTAND.

WHEN DUTY CALLS.

WHAT?

THE PICKPOCKETS?
THEY'RE YOURS, ALL YOURS?

OH, NO, BARNEY,
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

UH...WHAT?

WELL, UH, OVER AND OUT
TO YOU, TOO.

[ KNOCKING ]

OH.

YES?

I HEARD ABOUT
HOW BARNEY

COULDN'T BE
A-TAKING YOU

TO THE PICNIC AND DANCE
AND I GOT TO STUDYING

ABOUT HOW
DISAPPOINTED
YOU'D BE

AND THAT SHERIFFING
BUSINESS KIND OF

GOT TOOK CARE OF
AND I THOUGHT

SOMEBODY OUGHT TO DO
THE NEIGHBORLY THING...

THANK YOU,
BUT I THINK I'VE HAD

ENOUGH NEIGHBORLINESS
FOR A WHILE. GOODBYE.

[ KNOCKING ]

AND SEEING YOU'RE DRESSED
AND READY TO GO ANYHOW

I THOUGHT I MIGHT
AS WELL TAKE YOU.

NO.

[ KNOCKING ]

ON ACCOUNT OF
YOU'RE NEW IN TOWN

AND YOU REALLY OUGHT

TO GET OUT AND
MEET THE FOLKS.

MISS ELLIE, I WISH
YOU WOULDN'T CLOSE

THAT DOOR AGAIN.

I DECLARE, I'M RUNNING
OUT OF THINGS TO SAY.

THANK YOU, ANDY,
I'D LIKE TO GO WITH YOU

EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

YOU SEE, I HAD
TWO DATES FOR TODAY.

ONE WITH BARNEY AND ONE
WITH ANOTHER YOUNG FELLA

SO YOU SEE I...

OH, HERE COMES MY OTHER
YOUNG FELLA NOW.

HI, PA. HI, MISS ELLIE.

HI, OPIE.

YOU READY?

I'LL BE READY IN
JUST A MOMENT.

WE GOT A DATE.

OH, I SEE
YOU HAVE.

WELL, SO LONG, PA.

WHY DON'T YOU GET
YOURSELF A DATE?

YOU KNOW, OPIE, I WAS THINKING.

ABOUT WHAT, MISS ELLIE?

WELL, I DON'T THINK

IT'S PROPER FOR A YOUNG MAN

TO GO OUT UNCHAPERONED
WITH A DESPERATE FEMALE HUNTER.

WHO DO YOU

SUPPOSE WE CAN GET?

OH, WELL, MA'AM,
AS THE ESCORT'S FATHER

I'D BE MIGHTY PLEASED

IF HE WAS CHAPERONED
BY THE LOCAL SHERIFF.

ANDY!
ANDY!

CAN I SEE YOU
FOR A SECOND?

HOWDY, MISS ELLIE.

HI.

OPIE TELLS ME YOU THINK
I GOT A NICE SMILE.

YES, BUT THAT'S NOT WHY
I CALLED YOU OVER.

I NEED YOUR HELP, ANDY.

ABOUT WHAT?

WELL, COME WITH ME.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, FELLAS.
JUST MOVE OVER, THERE.

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]