The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 32 - Bringing Up Opie - full transcript

OTIS CAMPBELL,
THE CHARGE AGAINST YOU

IS VIOLATION
OF ORDINANCE 502:

BEING INTOXICATED
IN A PUBLIC PLACE.

YEAH.

HOW DO YOU PLEAD, GUILTY?

YEAH.

OTIS, COME BACK HERE.

NOW, THE FINE IS TWO DOLLARS
OR 24 HOURS.

NOW, WHAT'LL IT BE?

ANDY, YOU KNOW
I ALWAYS TAKE THE 24 HOURS.

I WOULDN'T WASTE TWO DOLLARS
ON SOMETHING



THAT DIDN'T HAVE
A CORK IN IT.

ALL RIGHT, 24 HOURS.

HI, PA.

OH, HI, OPE.

HI, OTIS.

I SEE YOU GOT
A SNOOTFUL AGAIN.

OPIE, I DON'T LIKE YOU
TO USE WORDS LIKE THAT.

WHAT WORDS, PA?

"SNOOTFUL."

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT IT MEANS.

SURE, I DO, PA.

IT'S WHAT OTIS DOES

THAT MAKES HIM WALK IN HERE
CROOKED EVERY WEEK.

WELL, I GUESS WE'LL HAVE
TO LET IT GO AT THAT.



[ GRUNTS ]

NOW, WHERE'D WE
LEAVE OFF YESTERDAY?

BEAUTY DREAMED THAT
THE BEAST WAS DYING

AND SHE RUSHED BACK
TO THE PALACE.

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

AND SURE ENOUGH,
THERE HE WAS--

A-LAYIN' THERE
AND A-BREATHIN' HIS LAST.

AND BEAUTY,
FORGETTIN' HIS UGLINESS,

FLUNG HERSELF AT HIM,
A-WEEPIN' AND A-SOBBIN'

AN-AN-AND THE OLD UGLY BEAST
LOOKED UP AT HER

WITH HIS SMALL,
LITTLE, UGLY EYES

AND SMILED A SMALL, SAD,
UGLY SMILE.

AND BEAUTY CRIED,
"YOU MUST NOT DIE.

"YOU MUST LIVE
TO BE MY HUSBAND.

"I THOUGHT IT WAS FRIENDSHIP
THAT I FELT

BUT NOW I KNOW IT WAS LOVE."

AND SHE COVERED HER EYES
AND WEPT FOR JOY

AND WHEN
SHE LOOKED UP AGAIN,

THE BEAST WAS GONE!

AND IN HIS PLACE
WAS A HANDSOME, YOUNG PRINCE--

THE PRINCE OF HER DREAMS.

AND BEAUTY SAYS

"WHERE IS MY BEAST?
I LOVE ONLY HIM."

SEE, BY NOW SHE WAS
SO USED TO THIS MESS

THAT SHE COULDN'T
STAND GOOD LOOKS.

THE PRINCE SAYS,
"I A THE BEAST.

"I HAD TO REMAIN ONE

UNTIL A BEAUTIFUL, YOUNG GIRL
WOULD PROMISE TO MARRY ME."

HE SAYS, "YOU ALONE,
DEAREST BEAUTY,

JUDGED ME NOT FOR MY LOOKS,
BUT FOR MY HEART."

AND HE THROWED HIS ARMS
AROUND HER NECK

AND KISSED HER
RIGHT ON THE FACE.

AND THEY LIVED
HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

LAUGHIN' AND GIGGLIN'
TILL THE END OF THEIR DAYS.

NOW, THAT'S ALL THE STORYTELLING
FOR TODAY.

TOMORROW, TOMORROW,
I'LL TELL YOU

THE STORY OF KING ARTHUR

AND THE KNIGHTS
OF THE ROUND TABLE.

OH, BOY!

UH-HUH, I THOUGHT
THAT'D SET PRETTY GOOD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OKAY.

PA, IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN DO TO HELP YOU TODAY?

WELL, LET'S SEE.

I KNOW SOMETHING
YOU CAN DO.

HOW ABOUT POSTING SOME OF
THESE NEW WANTED POSTERS?

JUST COME IN TODAY.

SURE, PA.

Andy:
OH, HI, AUNT BEE.

HI, ANDY.

OPIE, YOU SHOULD BE HOME
DOING YOUR HOMEWORK

INSTEAD OF THAT.

AUNT BEE'S GOT A POINT THERE.
HOW ABOUT IT?

WE HAVEN'T GOT ANY
HOMEWORK TODAY, PA.

HOW COME?

WE KEPT ASKING QUESTIONS
RIGHT UP TILL THE BELL RANG.

THE TEACHER DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO GIVE US ANY HOMEWORK.

[ LAUGHS ]
HEY, THAT'S PRETTY SLICK.

YEAH, WE BEAT THE RAP.

YOUNG MAN,
WHAT KIND OF LANGUAGE IS THAT?

ENGLISH.

Barney:
HI, EVERYBODY.

OH, HI, BARN.

HI, BARNEY.

HOW ARE YOU?

WHAT DO YOU SAY, OPE?
HI, BARNEY.

I SEE YOU GOT
YOUR GUN ON.

YOU READY?

OKAY, NOW,
JUST A SECOND.

OKAY. DRAW!

POW! POW!
POW! POW!

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

PRETTY GOOD,
BUT YOU STILL GOT

THAT LITTLE HESITATION--
THA-THAT TUG.

SEE, IT'S GOT TO
COME OUT REAL CLEAN.

ONE SMOOTH,
CONTINUOUS ACTION.

SEE HOW BABY COME OUT
OF HER CRADLE THERE?

JUST KEEP PRACTICING.

YOU'LL BE ABLE
TO DO THAT, TOO.

YES, OPIE, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU JUST KEEP PRACTICING.

WHAT'S THE NEXT COURSE,
STRANGLING?

[ CHUCKLES ]

DID YOU TELL YOUR FATHER
WHAT HAPPENED AT SCHOOL TODAY?

I-I... I DON'T THINK SO.

I HAD A CALL FROM THE PRINCIPAL
THIS AFTERNOON.

THE PRINCIPAL?!

IF WE'RE GOING,
LET'S GO.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOUNG'UN.
WHAT IS IT, AUNT BEE?

OH, IT'S NOT AT ALL
SURPRISING.

WHAT IS IT?

DURING LUNCH PERIOD

YOUR SON HANDCUFFED RALPH BAKER
TO THE FLAGPOLE.

YOU DID WHAT?

WELL, WE WERE PLAYING
COPS AND ROBBERS

AND HE RESISTED ARREST.

WHERE'D YOU GET
THE HANDCUFFS?

[ WHISTLING ]

ONLY ONE PLACE YOU COULD
HAVE GOT 'EM AND THAT'S HERE.

I KNOW I DIDN'T
GIVE THEM TO YOU

AND I KNOW BARNEY, HE...

BARNEY?

HUH?

DID YOU?

DI-DID I WHAT?

DID YOU
GIVE THEM TO HIM?

GIVE WHAT TO WHO?

DID YOU GIVE OPIE
THE HANDCUFFS?

WELL, UH... LET ME SEE, NOW.

IT-IT'S HARD FOR ME
TO REMEMBER, YOU KNOW.

WE'VE BEEN BUSY...

BARNEY.

OH, YEAH, I REMEMBER NOW.

I-I-IT WAS THOSE OLD ONES

THE RUSTY ONES, THE ONES
WE DON'T USE ANYMORE AND, UH...

DOGGONE IT, OPE!

I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THEM
ON REAL PEOPLE.

BARNEY, I'M SURPRISED AT YOU.
YOU, TOO, OPIE.

OH, ARE YOU REALLY?

YOU WOULDN'T BE
AT ALL SURPRISED.

MA'AM?
WELL, HIS HEAD

IS FILLED WITH CRIMINALS
AND SHERIFFING.

I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED
IF AT OPIE'S NEXT BIRTHDAY PARTY

HE SHOOT OUT THE CANDLES!

BUT, AUNT BEE, KEEPING HIM OUT
OF MY OFFICE ENTIRELY--

AIN'T THAT BEING
A LITTLE STRICT?

WELL, I KNOW
I HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING

BUT I'VE BEEN GETTING
MORE AND MORE CONCERNED

ABOUT OPIE SPENDING
ALL THAT TIME AT THE JAIL.

WELL, HE'S
A WELL-BEHAVED YOUNG'UN.

ANDY, HAVEN'T YOU NOTICED
THE LANGUAGE HE'S PICKING UP?

ALL HIS INTERESTS ARE CENTERED
ON SHERIFFING AND CRIMINALS.

WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

ANDY, YOU DON'T WANT
THE PRINCIPAL CALLING

EVERY OTHER DAY, DO YOU?

WELL, NO.

THAT JAIL IS JUST NOT
THE BEST INFLUENCE

FOR A YOUNG'UN.
WELL...

IT'S FOR THE BOY'S
OWN GOOD, ANDY.

WELL, I-I WILL ADMIT
THAT-THAT A HOME

IS A LOT MORE
PROPER ENVIRONMENT

THAN A JAIL IS...

[ SIGHS ]

WELL... ALL RIGHT, AUNT BEE.

I'LL... I'LL GO UP
AND HAVE A TALK WITH HIM.

GOOD.

UH... MAYBE, UH,
MAYBE ONCE IN A WHILE?

NOW, ANDY.

WELL...

HI, SON.

HI, PA.

ALL READY FOR BED, I SEE.

YEP. I'VE ALREADY
SAID MY PRAYERS.

GOOD.

I JUST WANTED TO COME UP

AND HAVE A LITTLE TALK
WITH YOU.

WHAT ABOUT, PA?

WELL, IT'S, IT'S
ABOUT YOU AND ME.

MOSTLY, MOSTLY YOU.

IS IT SOMETHING
GOOD, PA?

WELL, YEAH, IT'S,
IT'S FOR YOUR GOOD.

UH-OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

EVERY TIME GROWN-UPS THINK
OF SOMETHING FOR YOUR GOOD

IT TURNS OUT TO BE NOT SO GOOD.

WELL, IN THIS CASE,
I'D SAY THAT DON'T APPLY.

WHAT IS IT?

WELL, UH...

PRETTY GOOD BOOK?

YEP.

GOOD.

YOU, UH, WANT
A DRINK OF WATER?

MNH-MNH.

WELL, HERE SHE GOES--

PA,
WHY DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT

WHAT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT,

THEN YOU COULD TELL ME TOMORROW
WHEN I COME BY THE JAIL?

WELL, UH, THAT'S, THAT'S WHAT
I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT--

YOU NOT COMING BY THE JAIL.

WHAT?!

THAT'S RIGHT.

NOW, A-A JAIL IS NO PLACE
FOR A LITTLE BOY

TO BE HANGING AROUND

AND I SHOULD'VE REALIZED THAT
A LONG TIME AGO.

ARE YOU TRYING TO GET RID
OF ME, PA?

OH, NO, NO, I'M NOT TRYING
TO GET RID OF YOU.

I JUST WANT YOU TO BE
A NORMAL, HAPPY LITTLE BOY.

I'M HAPPY NOW.

WELL, NOW YOU'LL BE HAPPIER.

NOW, TOMORROW AFTER SCHOOL

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO STOP BY THE JAIL.

I WANT YOU TO COME STRAIGHT HOME
AND RUN AND PLAY

AND DO ANYTHING
YOU HAVE A MIND TO.

IF I HAVE A MIND TO,
CAN I COME TO THE JAIL?

NO.

NOW, TAKE MY WORD FOR IT,
YOU'LL BE HAPPY.

BELIEVE ME.

OKAY, PA,
I'LL BE HAPPY.

BUT IT AIN'T GONNA BE
MUCH FUN.

WELL, IT'S ABOUT 3:00.

YEAH, JUST ABOUT.

OPIE WILL BE GETTING
OUT OF SCHOOL ABOUT NOW.

YEAH.

WON'T BE COMING HERE,
THOUGH.

NO, NO.

IT'S A GOOD THING.
FOR THE BEST.

OH, IT'S THE BEST,
ALL RIGHT.

YOU BET.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

SAY WHAT?

IT'S FOR THE BEST.

OH. IT'S FOR THE BEST.

ANDY?
HMM?

DID YOU EVER FIGURE

THAT WE'RE REALLY
A BAD INFLUENCE ON THE BOY?

NO.

B-BUT W-WHEN YOU, WHEN
YOU THINK ABOUT IT, WE ARE.

OH, YEAH, THERE'S
NO GETTIN' AROUND IT.

WE'RE BAD FOR THE BOY.

YEAH.

I'M THE WORST.

I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.

NO. YOU AIN'T THE WORST.

NO, BUT YOU'RE
INCLUDED.

OH, YOU'RE INCLUDED,
ALL RIGHT.

YOU'RE BAD FOR THE BOY.
WE'RE ALL BAD.

WELL,
SHE'S AFTER 3:00 NOW.

YEAH.

WELL...

GUESS I'LL
GO ON PATROL.

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

YEAH. MAYBE
DRIVE BY THE HOUSE,

SEE HOW THINGS ARE.

IF YOU RUN INTO OPIE,
GIVE HIM MY REGARDS.

YEAH, I WILL IF-IF I SEE HIM.

GIVE HIM MINE, TOO, ANDY.

RIGHT, OTIS.

SAY, OTIS...

WOULD YOU LIKE ME
TO TEACH YOU THE FAST DRAW?

WHAT FOR?

I JUST THOUGHT

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE ME
TO TEACH YOU THE FAST DRAW.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO
KNOW HOW TO DO THE FAST DRAW?

WELL, IN CASE YOU EVER
WANT TO BREAK OUT OF JAIL.

DON'T YOU HAVE ANY AMBITION,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES?

I GOT AMBITION.

THAT'S BETTER. NOW HERE.

NOW, FIRST THING YOU DO

IS TO GET YOURSELF
IN A CROUCH POSITION, THEN...

STICK 'EM UP.
THIS IS A JAILBREAK.

OH, CRIMINY.
GIVE ME THAT.

YEAH, YOU SEE?

WHAT'S THE USE FOR ME TO KNOW
HOW TO DO A FAST DRAW?

EVEN IF I WANTED
TO BREAK OUT OF JAIL,

YOU WOULDN'T LET ME.

OPIE, ARE YOU GOING
TO SPEND THE WHOLE AFTERNOON

DAWDLING OVER
YOUR MILK AND COOKIES?

THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU

GO AND PLAY WITH ONE
OF YOUR PICTURE PUZZLES

OR GO OVER TO ONE OF YOUR
FRIEND'S HOUSES OR...

I KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO.

WHAT?

YOU CAN GO OUT AND PLANT
TWO WHOLE ROWS OF SPINACH.

SPINACH?

IT'LL BE
VERY EDUCATIONAL.

YOU'LL SEE HOW NATURE
PERFORMS HER WONDERS.

WHY, SOON YOU'LL SEE IT GROW
BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.

BUT SPINACH?

COULDN'T I SEE SOMETHING ELSE
GROW UP BEFORE MY VERY EYES?

OH, GO ON, OPIE.

I'VE DUG UP SOME GROUND
RIGHT BY THE HOUSE

AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS PUT IN THE SEEDS.

HI, PA.

WELL, HI, OPE.

WHAT YOU DOIN'?

PLANTIN' SPINACH.

SPINACH?

AUNT BEE SAYS
IT'S EDUCATIONAL.

OH-OH-OH, YEAH, IT IS, IT IS.

IT'S VERY EDUCATIONAL.

EVERY BOY OUGHT TO KNOW
HOW TO GROW SPINACH.

WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER
LEAVE YOU TO YOUR CULTIVATING.

GOING SO SOON, PA?

WELL, SEE, I'M ON PATROL.

I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT AT SUPPER.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

PA, WHEN YOU DRIVE OFF

WOULD YOU GIVE HER A BLAST
ON THE SIREN?

SURE THING.

[ SIREN BLARING ]

ONE THING I'LL SAY ABOUT OTIS,
HE LEAVES A PRETTY NEAT CELL.

WELL, THIS IS HIS
HOME AWAY FROM HOME.

YEAH.

HEY, ANDY,
LOOK WHO'S HERE.

HI, OPE.

WHY DON'T YOU COME ON IN?

SORRY
ABOUT ASKING HIM IN.

I FORGOT
WE WAS OFF LIMITS.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

I WAS GONNA TELL HIM
THE STORY OF KING ARTHUR

AND THE KNIGHTS
OF THE ROUND TABLE TODAY.

HE'S GOT OTHER
INTERESTING THINGS TO DO.

OPIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I GUESS I COULDN'T COME IN.

NOW, SON,
YOU KNOW WHAT WE ALL AGREED ON.

I DON'T REMEMBER AGREEING
ON ANYTHING.

OPIE, WE'RE JUST DOING
WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.

YES, PA.

YOU BETTER RUN ON HOME.

AUNT BEE WILL BE
LOOKING FOR YOU.

OKAY.

ARE YOU SURE HE ISN'T THERE?

IT'S ALMOST SUPPERTIME.

WELL, HE DID COME BY HERE,
BUT I SENT HIM RIGHT HOME.

HOW ABOUT THE NEIGHBORS?

NO. NO, HE'S NOWHERE AROUND,
AND I'M GETTING AWFULLY WORRIED.

WELL, N-NOW, AUNT BEE,
DON'T GET PANICKY.

I'LL GO, I'LL GO OUT
AND FIND HIM.

RIGHT.

[ NO AUDIO ]

YOU DIDN'T FIND HIM.

NOW, AUNT BEE, JUST BECAUSE
HE'S BEEN GONE A COUPLE HOURS

AIN'T NO USE IN THINKIN'...

IT'S DARK OUT!

HE'S NEVER BEEN OUT
THIS LATE BEFORE.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO.
SHERIFF TAYLOR SPEAKING.

OH, UH, HELLO, FRED.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

NAW.

AND-AND AND HE'S ALL RIGHT?

WE'VE BEEN LOOKING
EVERYWHERE FOR THAT BOY.

HOW IN THE WORLD
DID HE GET OVER THERE?

HUH? UH-HUH.

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED.
DON'T THAT BEAT ALL?

WELL, FRED, Y-YOU
JUST HOLD ON TO HIM

AS TIGHT AS YOU KNOW HOW

AND I'LL COME OVER THERE
AND GET HIM.

MUCH OBLIGED, FRED.

WAIT TILL YOU HEAR
WHERE ELSE HE'S BEEN.

TELL YOUR AUNT BEE.

DOWN TO
THE OLD JOHNSON MINE.

THE MINE?

HE SAID IT CAVED IN.

OH, OPIE!

SON, THEY'RE DANGEROUS PLACES
FOR YOU TO PLAY AROUND.

NOW, YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
BETTER THAN THAT.

YES, PA, BUT I JUST
HAD TO GO SOMEPLACE.

I GOT TIRED
OF WATERING THE SPINACH,

AND I WASN'T ALLOWED
DOWN TO THE JAIL.

WELL, THAT'S NO EXCUSE.

THAT WAS A BAD THING YOU DID.

NOW, I'M GONNA HAVE
TO PUNISH YOU.

YOU UNDERSTAND WHY,
DON'T YOU?

YES.

I HAVE TO TEACH YOU
NOT TO WANDER OFF LIKE THAT.

YOU NEVER
DID DO IT BEFORE.

GET ON UP
TO YOUR ROOM.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

UH, WELL, JUST
A MINUTE, OPIE.

YOU KNOW,
I THINK I KNOW

WHY HE GOT
IN TROUBLE TODAY.

HE HASN'T BEEN SEEING
ENOUGH OF HIS PA.

WHAT?

AND HE SHOULD

ESPECIALLY WHEN HIS PA WORKS
SO NEARBY AND HE'S SO HANDY.

HE CAN STOP BY
ON HIS WAY FROM SCHOOL.

YOU WANT HIM
TO COME BY THE JAIL?

BUT WHAT ABOUT
OUR EVIL INFLUENCE

AND THE BAD ENVIRONMENT?

WELL, I THINK
WE CAN DO SOMETHING

ABOUT CORRECTING
THOSE THINGS.

FOR INSTANCE:
A CERTAIN DEPUTY SHERIFF

COULD STOP
GIVING HIM HANDCUFFS

AND TEACHING HIM
TO BE A GUNFIGHTER.

AND I-I THINK THERE'S

A FEW OTHER LITTLE
CORRECTIONS WE MIGHT MAKE,

LIKE OPIE COULD KIND OF
MAKE HISSELF SCARCE

ON DAYS WHEN OTIS
IS MAKING HIS WEEKLY VISITS.

YOU MEAN, WHEN HE'S GOT
A SNOOTFUL?

UH... THAT'S A BAD
CHOICE OF WORDS, OPIE.

NOW, WHAT OTIS
DOES IN OUR JAIL IS REST.

NOW, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT

OR DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST
OF YOUR DAYS PLANTIN' SPINACH?

OH, I UNDERSTAND, PA.

AND ONE OTHER THING:

IF I EVER CATCH
A CERTAIN LITTLE BOY

HANDCUFFIN' ANOTHER LITTLE BOY
TO A FLAGPOLE,

HE'LL NOT ONLY BE
A-PLANTIN' SPINACH,

HE'LL BE A-EATIN' IT
STANDIN' UP.

YES.

NOW I'M GOING TO
FIX YOU SOME SUPPER

BEFORE YOU GO TO BED.

YOU MUST BE STARVED.

AND WAIT TILL YOU SEE

WHAT I FIXED SPECIAL
FOR YOU-- YOUR FAVORITE--

APPLE PIE.

HI, OPE.

HI, PA.

HEY, PA, GUESS WHAT.

I GOT ANOTHER STAR
FOR BEING GOOD.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

WELL, I SURE AM PROUD
OF THIS BOY.

YEAH.

DO I GET A STORY, PA?

YOU BETTER KNOW
YOU DO.

NOW, LET'S SEE.

ONE TIME,
A LONG TIME AGO,

OVER
IN THE OLD COUNTRY --

IN ENGLAND.

THAT'S RIGHT --
OVER IN ENGLAND --

THERE LIVED THIS KING,

FELLA BY THE NAME
OF KING ARTHUR.

AND HE HAD THIS WHOLE
CASTLE

FULL OF BRAVE
AND VALIANT KNIGHTS.

AND THE BRAVEST ONE
OF ALL WAS S--

SIR LANCELOT.

SIR GAWAIN.

ANDY, LET'S NOT FILL
THE BOY'S HEAD

WITH A LOT
OF WRONG INFORMATION.

NOW, THE BRAVEST ONE
WAS SIR LANCELOT.

BARNEY,
I KEEP TELLING YOU

THAT SIR GAWAIN WAS THE ONE
THAT DID ALL THE BRAVE THINGS.

I DON'T CARE WHAT
YOU KEEP TELLING ME.

MY MOTHER READ ME THAT STORY
MAYBE 1,000 TIMES.

IN EVERY WAR
THAT KING ARTHUR HAD,

SIR GAWAIN WAS THE ONE
WHO CARRIED THE SPEAR AND --

OPIE?

WHERE YOU GOING?

I'M GOING HOME.
THIS PLACE IS A BAD INFLUENCE.

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]