The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 29 - Quiet Sam - full transcript

Barney grows increasingly wary of a reticent new farmer in town, calling up a posse during a thunderstorm when it seems Andy has walked straight into the man's nefarious trap.

WELL, THANKS, FLOYD.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE,
HOLD ON.

WE CAN'T LET A CLIENT
IN THE PUBLIC EYE
LOOK LOPSIDED.

YEAH, YOU'RE MY BEST
ADVERTISING, BARNEY.

[ CHUCKLES ]

WELL...

UH-OH.

LOOKS LIKE
WE MIGHT JUST HAVE

AN INFRACTION OF RULE EIGHT,
SECTION B HERE.

YOU ABOUT DONE, FLOYD?

DONE.



[ MUSIC PLAYS IN SYNCH
WITH BARNEY'S PACING ]

YOU GET HIM?

NO, I'M AFRAID NOT.

JUST TWO INCHES
INSIDE THE LAW.

WHOSE TRUCK IS THAT?

WHY, SAM BECKER'S.

I SAW HIM GO IN
THE GROCERY STORE.

OH, THAT STRANGE DUCK.

I OUGHT TO
GIVE HIM A TICKET

JUST TO MAKE HIM
SAY SOMETHING.

YEAH, HE'S PRETTY
TIGHT-LIPPED, ALL RIGHT.

YEAH. HE'S BEEN
LIVIN' UP THERE

AT THE OLD BURCH PLACE
FOR SIX MONTHS.

AIN'T SAID WORD ONE.



NOT TO ME, ANYWAYS.
HE EVER TALK TO YOU?

HE CUTS HIS OWN HAIR.

HE TELL YOU THAT?

DIDN'T HAVE TO.

I CAN SPOT AN AMATEUR
HEAD A MILE OFF.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]
HERE HE IS.

HIYA, FELLA.

HI.

WELL, I SEE
YOU'RE PUTTING
THE OLD GROCERIES

RIGHT IN THE BACK OF
THE OLD TRUCK THERE.

UH-HUH.

FIND OUT
ANYTHING?

PLENTY.

HE DIDN'T SEEM
TO SAY MUCH.

HE DIDN'T HAVE TO.
DID YOU NOTICE HIS EYES?

THE WAY THEY'D KIND OF
MOVE BACK AND FORTH...

SHIFTY?

THEY LOOKED
A LITTLE LOOSE.

YEAH, THIS BABY'S
HIDING SOMETHING, FLOYD.

IN THE BACK
OF THE TRUCK?

NO!

IN HERE.

SOMETHING DEEP.

GUILT'S WRITTEN
ALL OVER HIM.

YOU KNOW
SOMETHING, FLOYD...

HUH?

THIS FELLOW'S
A CHALLENGE TO ME.

I'LL OPEN HIM UP.

H-HERE HE
COMES AGAIN.

DON'T LOOK AT HIM--
HE'LL KNOW WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT HIM.

WHAT'S HE DOING NOW?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU TOLD ME
NOT TO LOOK AT HIM.

NOW'S AS GOOD A TIME
AS ANY.

HIYA, FELLA.

GOT ALL YOUR
GROCERIES, I SEE.

BOY, THAT MARKET
SURE IS GETTING CROWDED

ON WEDNESDAY MORNINGS.

I NOTICED THAT WHEN
I'D GO IN TO GET MY GREENS.

YOU CAN'T HARDLY
GET NEAR THE PLACE.

WHAT THEY REALLY OUGHT TO DO
IS HAVE SELF-SERVICE.

THEN A PERSON MIGHT
BE ABLE TO GET THROUGH.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S...
LET'S KEEP THIS TRAFFIC MOVING.

WHAT TRAFFIC?

WELL, UH...

ALL RIGHT,
BREAK IT UP, FLOYD!

WHAT DO YOU...

JUST BREAK IT UP!

GO ON.

WHAT...WHAT WAS
THAT ALL ABOUT?

OH, I WAS JUST TRYING
TO FIND OUT SOMETHING

ABOUT THAT SAM BECKER

AND GET HIM TO TALK
A LITTLE BIT.

WELL, MAYBE HE'S
JUST A QUIET TYPE.

SOME FOLKS
DON'T TALK MUCH.

DON'T IT BOTHER YOU

THE WAY HE WON'T
LOOK YOU IN THE EYE,

THE WAY HE'S
ALWAYS IN A HURRY?

THE BUSIEST MAN
IN THE WORLD

HAS FIVE MINUTES
TO PASS THE TIME OF DAY.

OH, I EXPECT
HE'S JUST SHY.

YEAH, WELL,
FOR MY MONEY HE'S GOT

ALL THE FACIAL
CHARACTERISTICS
OF A CRIMINAL.

YOU KNOW, THE...
THE NARROW CHIN

AND THE EYES
CLOSE TOGETHER

AND SLACK JAW WITH
A PROMINENT OVERBITE.

YOU KNOW WHO
THAT SOUNDS LIKE?

WHO?

YOU.

ALL RIGHT, ANDY.

ALL RIGHT, MAKE
YOUR LITTLE JOKE,

BUT JUST THE SAME,
I DON'T HAPPEN TO
TRUST THAT FELLOW.

THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT HIM
I JUST DON'T LIKE.

GET THAT WINDOW OVER THERE,
WILL YOU, OPE?

RIGHT, PA.

OH, I HATE STORMS.

THEY MAKE ME SO NERVOUS.

TONIGHT'S GOING
TO BE A BEAUT--

THUNDER AND LIGHTNING,
40-MILE-AN-HOUR WIND.

BETTER GET
YOUR NERVES
ALL TUCKED IN.

PA, DO YOU THINK LIGHTNING
WILL HIT OUR BACKYARD?

NOW, GO AHEAD AND
GIVE YOUR AUNT BEE

SOME WORRISOME
NOTIONS, WILL YOU?

I AIN'T WORRIED.

I WAS THINKIN' ABOUT PUTTIN'
A PENNY OUT THERE.

A PENNY HIT BY LIGHTNING'S
WORTH SIX CENTS.

WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

NAT PIKE TOLD ME.

OH, NAT PIKE IS
ALWAYS TELLING OPIE

THE CRAZIEST THINGS.

YOU BELIEVE HIM?

SURE.

I WOULDN'T PUT STOCK
IN WHAT NAT TELLS YOU.

WHY NOT?

WELL, FOR ONE THING

HE'S ONLY
FOUR YEARS OLD.

HE MAY BE YOUNG,
BUT HE'S BEEN AROUND PLENTY.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

OH, HELLO, BARNEY.

HI, AUNT BEE.

COME IN.

HI, OPE.

HI, BARNEY.

UH...ANDY,
CAN I TALK TO YOU PRIVATE?

I, UH...I GOT SOMETHING
I WANT TO SHOW YOU.

OH, OF COURSE.

AUNT BEE, WOULD YOU
AND OPE EXCUSE US?

OF COURSE.
COME ALONG, OPIE.

HEY, OPIE.

YEAH, PA?

HERE'S A...HERE'S
A COUPLE OF PENNIES
FOR THE STORM.

WHAT HAVE WE
GOT TO LOSE?

GEE, THANKS, PA.

OKAY.

WHAT...WHAT'S UP,
BARNEY?

I'VE BEEN DOING
A LITTLE RESEARCH
ON THE BECKER CASE.

THE BECKER CASE?

YEAH, NOW GET THIS--

"SAMUEL W. BECKER,"
NUMBER ONE.

"OCCUPATION: UNKNOWN."

HE'S A FARMER.

IS HE?

NOW, NUMBER TWO--

"NOBODY IN TOWN KNOWS
WHERE HE COME FROM

"NOR WHAT HE DID THERE

BECAUSE HE NEVER
TALKS TO ANYBODY."

SO?

NUMBER THREE,
AND GET THIS--

I CASED ELLIE'S SALES
RECORDS AT THE DRUGSTORE.

"ONE MR. SAM BECKER

"PURCHASED THE FOLLOWING
IN LARGE AMOUNTS:

"ABSORBENT COTTON,
ANTISEPTICS,

"VITAMINS, TRANQUILIZERS...

AND SWAB STICKS."

WELL, I'LL ADMIT THAT
IS A LOT OF DRUG ITEMS

FOR ONE MAN TO BUY,

BUT MAYBE HE'S JUST
LAYING IN A SUPPLY.

BOY, YOU WOULDN'T NOTICE

A MUDDY ELEPHANT IN
THE SNOW, WOULD YOU?

YOU TRYING TO TELL ME

SAM BECKER'S GOT A DIRTY
ELEPHANT UP TO HIS PLACE?

NOW, ANDY, THIS IS
NO KIDDING MATTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?

WHAT?

I THINK HE'S GOT SOMEBODY UP
THERE WITH A BULLET IN HIM.

OH, COME ON!

JUST DO ME ONE FAVOR--

TAKE A RUN UP THERE WITH ME
TO LOOK AROUND.

I DON'T WANT TO GO
WAY UP IN THE COUNTRY

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

JUST TO SATISFY
YOUR CURIOSITY.

MY CURIOSITY?

COME ON.

WILL IT MAKE YOU HAPPY?

YEAH.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S
GET IT OVER WITH.

AUNT BEE, I'LL BE BACK
AFTER A WHILE.

COME ON.

DUCK!

NOW, YOU GOT TO ADMIT,
THAT'S PRETTY WEIRD.

WHAT'S HE DOING
OUT IN THAT FIELD

IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE NIGHT?

HE'S DISKING IT.

AT NIGHT?

A LOT OF FOLKS
DO THEIR WORK AT NIGHT.

THEY'RE BEHIND
IN THEIR PLANTING,

CAN'T STAND
THE HEAT OF THE DAY.

I'M SURE I COULD THINK
OF A FEW MORE REASONS

IF I WAS TO CONCENTRATE
MY MIND ON IT.

ALL RIGHT,
I'LL GRANT YOU POINT ONE.

HE IS PLANTING.

BUT WHAT'S HE PLANTING?

THIS TIME OF THE YEAR,
BARLEY, LIMA BEANS MAYBE.

AND/OR?

AND/OR WHAT?

AND MARIJUANA.

OR SOME OTHER
ILLEGAL CROP.

YOU KNOW,
HE JUST COULD BE --

HOLD IT.

WELL, YOU SAW THAT
FOR YOURSELF.

WHAT'LL WE DO?

I GOT A PLAN.

THANK HEAVENS YOU'RE FINALLY
COMING TO YOUR SENSES.

OKAY, SHOOT.

FIRST WE GO BACK TO TOWN
AND SPLIT UP.

DEPLOY.

YOU COULD CALL IT THAT.

YOU GO MAKE YOUR 11:00 ROUNDS.

I'LL GO BACK TO THE OFFICE
AND HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE.

OH, BOY...ALL THIS GOING ON
AND I'M SUPPOSED TO GO BACK

AND SHAKE DOORKNOBS ON
A BUNCH OF PENNY-ANTE STORES?

I'M SORRY, BARNEY,
BUT THERE'S NOTHING IN THE BOOKS

THAT SAYS IT'S ILLEGAL

FOR A MAN TO JUMP OFF HIS
TRACTOR AND RUN UP TO HIS HOUSE.

LET'S GO.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

NOW, EASY, OTIS, EASY,
IT'S JUST NOISE.

THUNDER IS JUST A COUPLE
OF CLOUDS BUMPING TOGETHER.

IT CAN'T HURT YA.

IT GOT NOTHING
TO DO WITH YOU.

IS THAT ALL IT IS?

THAT'S ALL.

NOW, YOU LAY DOWN
AND GO TO SLEEP.

MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD
IN THE MORNING.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

SHERIFF TAYLOR.

WELL, SURE THING, SAM.

I'LL GET OUT THERE
AS QUICK AS I CAN.

BYE.

HEY...HEY, HEY, OTIS,
WHEN BARNEY COMES BACK,

TELL HIM THAT I'VE GONE UP
TO SAM BECKER'S HOUSE.

HE'S GOT SOME KIND
OF TROUBLE UP THERE.

OKAY?

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

HE WENT UP
TO SAM BECKER'S PLACE?

HE MUST BE CRAZY GOING UP THERE
BY HIMSELF.

WHY DIDN'T YOU
STOP HIM, OTIS?

WELL, I --
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES,

A PRISONER HAS TO TAKE ON
SOME RESPONSIBILITIES.

NOW, OTIS,
TELL ME AGAIN WORD FOR WORD

JUST WHAT ANDY TOLD YOU.

WELL, HE --
THINK, MAN, THINK.

JUST THAT HE WAS
UP AT SAM BECKER'S.

UH-HUH. CAN YOU REMEMBER
WHAT THE MAN LOOKED LIKE

THAT BROUGHT
THE MESSAGE?

NO, BECAUSE --
WAS HE A BIG FELLA?

WELL --
DID HE LOOK LIKE HE'D
COME FROM OUT OF TOWN?

YOU KNOW, LIGHT-GRAY HAT,
WELL-TAILORED SUIT?

I JUST CAN'T TELL YOU,
BARNEY.

WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE

LEARN TO DEVELOP YOUR POWERS
OF OBSERVATION?

THE MESSAGE CAME
ON THE TELEPHONE.

DON'T TOY WITH ME, OTIS.
JUST DON'T TOY WITH ME.

WHO KNOWS WHAT
ANDY'S WALKIN' INTO?

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

ALL RIGHT, SAM,
ALL RIGHT.

JUST SIMMER DOWN.
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.

YOU EVER DONE
THIS BEFORE, ANDY?

PLENTY OF TIMES.

I'VE BROUGHT
PLENTY OF BABIES
INTO THE WORLD.

YOU HAVE?
YOU GOT NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT.

NOTHING TO
WORRY ABOUT.
NOT A THING.

NOW, IF YOU'LL JUST SHOW ME
WHERE I CAN WASH UP...

WASH UP.

YES, AND GET A WHOLE LOT
OF BOILING WATER GOING.

BOILING WATER.
THAT'S RIGHT.

AND GATHER UP ALL
THE CLEAN TOWELS.

CLEAN TOWELS.

WASH UP, BOILING WATER,
CLEAN TOWELS.

DOGGONE THAT
DOC WINTERS.

HE WOULD HAVE
TO BE OUT OF TOWN

TONIGHT OF ALL NIGHTS.

WHY DO BABIES PICK
SUCH CRAZY HOURS
TO BE BORN?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

I GUESS THEY JUST AIN'T OLD
ENOUGH TO HAVE WATCHES YET.

NOW, WHERE CAN I WASH UP?

WASH UP...
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

CLEAN TOWELS,
BOILING WATER,
WASH UP...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

ALL I KNOW IS HE'S IN TROUBLE

AND I NEED ALL THE HELP
I CAN GET.

WELL, COULDN'T YOU WAIT
UNTIL MORNING?

GEE, MAYBE IT'LL STOP RAINING.

FLOYD, YOU DON'T SEEM TO REALIZE

THE SERIOUSNESS
OF THIS SITUATION.

NOW, YOU GET DRESSED AND GET
OVER HERE AS QUICK AS YOU CAN.

I'VE NEVER BEEN
IN A POSSE BEFORE, BARNEY.

WHAT'LL I WEAR?

FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, FLOYD.

JUST GET HERE.

IF YOU GOT A GUN, BRING IT.

GUN?

I HAVEN'T GOT A GUN

BUT MELBA'S GOT
A PRETTY HEAVY WALKING STICK

THAT SHE USES TO PROP OPEN
THE CELLAR DOOR WITH

WHEN SHE BRINGS UP
THE PRESERVES.

FLOYD, ARE YOU STALLING?

NOW, LOOK-- YOU GET OVER HERE
JUST AS QUICK AS YOU CAN,

AND YOU STOP BY
AND YOU GET NATE AND CLARENCE

AND ANYBODY ELSE YOU CAN FIND.

NOW, THAT'S A CIVIC ORDER!

EVERYTHING'S GOING

ACCORDING TO
SCHEDULE, SAM.

I'M JUST GOING
TO CALL MY OFFICE

AND HAVE BARNEY BRING
AUNT BEE UP HERE.

[ CLICKING ]

SARAH?

SARAH.

SARAH,
I'M SORRY I WOKE YOU.

LISTEN, GET ME MY OFFICE,
WILL YOU?

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

SHERIFF'S OFFICE,
DEPUTY FIFE SPEAKING.

ANDY!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

BARNEY, LISTEN,
I'M UP HERE AT SAM BECKER'S.

NOW, LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY
AND DO EXACTLY WHAT I TELL YOU

AND DON'T GET SIDETRACKED,
BECAUSE THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

I WANT YOU
TO GO AND GET...

SOMETHING'S HAPPENING,
SOMETHING'S HAPPENING!

ANDY! ANDY!

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

OTIS, THEY NAILED ANDY
TRYING TO CALL ME!

IT'S UP TO ME NOW.

WHERE'S MY BULLET?

GET IT IN THERE.

[ THUNDER CRASHING ]

OTIS, I GOT TO
GET UP THERE.

NOW, LISTEN, IF THE PHONE RINGS,
YOU ANSWER IT.

AND YOU CAN SORT OF
TAKE CARE OF THINGS.

AND IF ANYBODY COMES OR IF
THERE'S ANY, YOU KNOW --

OH, HERE.

YOU'VE BEEN AROUND HERE
LONG ENOUGH.

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

NOW, DON'T DO
THAT AGAIN, SAM.

OH, YOU GOING TO HAVE
A LOT OF FALSE ALARMS.

BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS JUST
SIT DOWN AND REST YOURSELF.

I DON'T WANT
TO SIT DOWN.

BUT YOU'LL
FEEL BETTER.

YOU'RE AS TIGHT
AS A TEN-CENT TOP.

I THINK I'D FEEL
A LOT BETTER

IF I CAN JUST WALK
UP AND DOWN A LITTLE.

ALL RIGHT, SAM,
YOU WALK UP AND DOWN,

AND I'LL JUST HAVE ME
A CUP OF COFFEE.

ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU.

[ CHUCKLING ]

[ LOCK RATTLING ]

BARNEY! WHAT...

OH, BARNEY, I'VE BEEN
IN A TERRIBLE FIX

THE LAST SEVERAL MONTHS.

WHY, EVERY TIME
I WENT IN TOWN
TO GO SHOPPING

I WAS WORRIED
TO DEATH

ABOUT LILY ALL
ALONE OUT HERE.

IT'S ALL I HAD
IN MY MIND.

AND THEN, YOU SEE,

I COULDN'T LEAVE HER
ALONE FOR VERY LONG

BECAUSE SHE
COULDN'T HARDLY DO
NOTHING FOR HERSELF

AND I HAD TO KEEP
THE PLACE GOING.

SO I WAS
SHOPPING, MARKETING,
FARMING AT NIGHT.

DID YOU EVER TRY
TO PUT IN A CROP
IN THE DARK?

OH, IT'S TERRIBLE.
YOU GET COLD OUT THERE.

AND YOU'RE NOT SURE
WHERE YOU ARE.

I DOUBLE-SEEDED
ONE PLOT THERE

AND...OH, IT'S
JUST DOG WORK...

SAM, UH, CHECK ON
THAT BOILING WATER.

IT COULD HAPPEN
ANY TIME NOW.

CHECK ON THE
BOILING WATER.

YEAH.

RIGHT,
SHERIFF.

WELL, HE DON'T SAY
MUCH IN TOWN.

HE SURE
TALKS A LOT

AROUND THE HOUSE,
DON'T HE?

SAY, ANDY, IF IT'S GOING
TO HAPPEN ANY TIME NOW,

THAT DOCTOR OUGHT
TO GET HERE.

THERE AIN'T GOING
TO BE A DOCTOR.

OLD DOC WINTERS
IS OUT OF TOWN.

IT'S TOO FAR TO GO GET ANYBODY
ELSE, SO I HAVE TO DO IT.

WELL, THAT'S
GOOD BECAUSE...

ANDY!

YOU...

AN...

AN...

ANDY, YOU CAN'T
DELIVER A BABY.

WE GOT NO CHOICE.

AND DON'T YOU
SPILL IT TO SAM, EITHER,

BECAUSE HE'S GOT A LOT
OF CONFIDENCE IN ME,

AND I DON'T WANT HIM
TO LOSE IT.

BUT, ANDY, YOU CAN'T
DELIVER A BABY.

I'VE SEEN IT DONE
A HUNDRED TIMES.

I'VE READ THE BOOK
AND I KNOW WHAT TO DO.

ANDY, PAY ATTENTION TO ME.
NOW, THINK BACK.

THINK BACK TO
THE SPRING OF 1938,

MISS WEBSTER'S
BIOLOGY CLASS.

WHAT ABOUT IT?

YOU FLUNKED!
DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

YOU WAS DISSECTING THAT
GRASSHOPPER AND YOU FROZE!

OH, BARNEY,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES.

AREN'T YOU NERVOUS?
TELL THE TRUTH.

'COURSE I'M NERVOUS.

I'M SCARED TO DEATH.

BUT I HONESTLY
BELIEVE I CAN DO IT.

IF I DIDN'T, I
WOULDN'T EVEN TRY.

BESIDES, WHO ELSE
IS THERE? SAM?

WELL, HARDLY, NO...

YOU?

NO!

I'M IT, OLD BUDDY,
AND I'M GOING TO NEED

ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT
I CAN GET, TOO.

WELL, ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE THE DOCTOR.

BUT IF YOU'RE
GOING TO DO IT,

FOR HEAVEN SAKES,
LET'S AT LEAST DO
IT BY THE BOOK.

TAXICAB DRIVERS DO IT,
STREETCAR CONDUCTORS.

IF A FULL-BLOWN SHERIFF
CAN'T DO IT

HE OUGHT TO HANG UP
HIS BADGE.

HERE WE ARE--
EMERGENCY BIRTHS.

I'VE ALREADY READ THAT,
BARNEY, YOU DON'T...

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT WON'T HURT TO CHECK YOU OUT.

NOW, IT SAYS,
"STERILIZE BY BOILING."

I'VE DONE THAT.

OH, YEAH,
I COULD USE

A LITTLE
COFFEE, ANDY.

OKAY, NOW, "IF
COTTON BINDING TAPE

ISN'T AVAILABLE,
TEAR SOME SHEETS..."

I'VE DONE THAT, TOO.

IT SAYS, "BORIC ACID
AND COTTON BALLS..."

I'VE GOT THEM.

SHERIFF, SHERIFF,
IT'S TIME, IT'S TIME!

IT SAYS, "SHERIFF, SHERIFF,
IT'S TIME, IT'S TIME..."

IT'S TIME!

ANDY, IT'S TIME, IT'S TIME!

ANDY! ANDY!
IT'S TIME! IT'S TIME!

NOW, IT'S NOT TIME.

NOW, BOTH
OF YOU FELLAS

ARE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO SIMMER DOWN

AND TAKE IT EASY.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GET YOUR MINDS

ON SOMETHING ELSE.

THE BEST THING FOR US TO DO
IS JUST TALK ABOUT SOMETHING

OTHER THAN BABIES.

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING
EXCEPT MY WIFE AND THE BABY.

WHY DON'T YOU START
THE BALL ROLLING, BARNEY?

I'M THINKING, I'M THINKING.

YOU...YOU WAS IN THE ARMY,
WASN'T YOU, BARNEY?

YOU KNOW DARN WELL
I WAS, ANDY.

OH...OH, YEAH...

YEAH, SAM, I DID MY PART IN
HELPING TO WHIP THE DREADED HUN.

OH, I WAS IN KOREA.

WELL, PUT IT THERE,
OLD BUDDY.

I WAS ACROSS THE BIG POND,
MYSELF.

THE OTHER PART OF THE WORLD,
YOU MIGHT SAY.

I WAS SECOND IN COMMAND
OF THIS OUTFIT.

THIS CORPORAL AND ME, WE WAS
IN CHARGE OF OVER 3,000 BOOKS

IN THE PX LIBRARY
ON STATEN ISLAND.

I'D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT IT.

YOU SAY YOU WAS IN KOREA.

YEAH, 'COURSE I DIDN'T
SEE MUCH ACTION.

BUT THERE WAS
THIS ONE TIME

THEY SENT A COMPANY OF US
OUT ON THE NIGHT PATROL.

THERE WAS ABOUT 200 OF US,

AND WE WENT DOWN BEHIND THIS
LITTLE-BITTY KOREAN VILLAGE.

AND IT WAS DARK,
OF COURSE,

AND THERE WAS A SNIPER
STARTED SHOOTING AT US.

AND I BACKED
INTO THIS ALLEY...

WHEN I LINED UP
AT THE AID STATION,

THEY WANTED TO GIVE
ME A PURPLE HEART.

I HAD TO TELL THEM
THE TRUTH.

OF COURSE
YOU DID.

SO I TOLD THEM
WHAT HAPPENED.

I BACKED INTO
A HENHOUSE

AND GOT SPURRED
BY A ROOSTER.

[ BABY CRYING ]

OH, MY!

WELL, WHERE'D
THAT COME FROM?

THIS IS SAM'S BOY.

COME ALONG ABOUT ARMY STORY
NUMBER 17, I BELIEVE IT WAS.

LILY ALL RIGHT?

FINE, FINE-- COME THROUGH
LIKE A REAL TROOPER.

SHE'S ASLEEP NOW.

ANDY, YOU SHOULD
HAVE CALLED ME.

YOU KNOW HOW GREAT
I AM AT THESE THINGS.

OH, I COULDN'T
SPARE YOU--

YOU WAS DOING TOO FINE A JOB
KEEPING SAM HERE OCCUPIED.

HERE, SAM,
TAKE YOUR BOY.

I'LL...I'LL BREAK IT.

NO, YOU WON'T.

JUST BE SURE
TO KEEP HIS HEAD UP.

DON'T LET IT
FALL BACK.

THERE YOU ARE.

IT'S THE BABY.

NICE GOING, ANDY.

YOU SURE DIDN'T
FREEZE UP

ON THIS LITTLE
GRASSHOPPER.

LET'S GO OUTDOORS, BARNEY.

I COULD USE A SMOKE.

SMELLS NICE AFTER
THE RAIN, DON'T IT?

YEAH.

PSST!

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

PSST!

OVER HERE!

FLOYD, WHAT ARE
YOU ALL DOING

UP HERE WITH GUNS?

UH...OH, THEY'RE
JUST SOME BOYS

FROM AN OLD POSSE I WAS
ORGANIZING THERE FOR A MINUTE.

A POSSE?

I'M SORRY WE'RE LATE, BARNEY.

NATE LOST THE KEYS TO HIS CAR.

MY MISSUS WOULDN'T
LET ME TAKE HER STICK,

AND THEN ON
TOP OF THAT...

DROP IT, WILL YOU, FLOYD?

[ BABY CRYING ]

SHERIFF?

COMING, SAM.

OH, IN CASE
YOU ALL ARE
INTERESTED

SAM'S
A NEW PAPA--

EIGHT POUNDS
AND NINE OUNCES.

[ CRYING CONTINUES ]

OH, AND, FLOYD,
PASS THE WORD AROUND

WE GOT A NEW CITIZEN
IN MAYBERRY.

WILL YOU HURRY,
SHERIFF?

I CAN'T GET ANDY
TO STOP CRYING.

ANDY?

YEAH.

All:
AW!

GET A GOOD REST, LILY.

WE'LL TAKE CARE
OF THE YOUNG'UN.

CAN I HOLD HIM, AUNT BEE?
CAN I, AUNT BEE?

NO, YOU CAN'T.
THIS IS NOT A FOOTBALL.

BUT I WON'T
DROP HIM.

HE'S A SQUIRMER, OPE.

[ UP-TEMPO GUITAR MUSIC
PLAYING ]

WHAT'S THAT?

IT SOUNDS LIKE MUSIC
FROM OUTSIDE.

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND
THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN'
AROUND THE MOUNTAIN *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN'
AROUND THE MOUNTAIN *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND
THE MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

* WELL, WE'LL ALL HAVE CHICKEN
AND DUMPLINGS WHEN SHE COMES *

* YES, WE'LL HAVE SOME CHICKEN
AND DUMPLINGS WHEN SHE COMES *

* OH, WE'LL HAVE CHICKEN
AND DUMPLINGS *

* YES, WE'LL HAVE SOME CHICKEN
AND DUMPLINGS *

* AND WE'LL HAVE SOME CHICKEN
AND DUMPLINGS WHEN SHE COMES *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND
THAT MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

* WHEN SHE COMES
* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND
THAT MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

* WHEN SHE COMES
* SHE'LL BE COMIN'
AROUND THE MOUNTAIN *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN'
AROUND THAT MOUNTAIN *

* SHE'LL BE COMIN' AROUND
THAT MOUNTAIN WHEN SHE COMES *

[ ALL CHEERING ]

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]