The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 27 - Ellie Saves a Female - full transcript

Ellie's heart goes out to a dirt poor farm girl who stops in the drug store and admires the perfume and nail polish but says she can't have it, not because she's poor but because her father Flint refuses to let her have them. Determined to let the girl, named Frankie, experience the amenities and pleasures of being a woman Ellie tries to convince Andy to break her father's stranglehold. Andy tries to tell Ellie to stay out of family affairs but Ellie won't be denied her mission. She and Andy go up to Flint's farm to try and talk him into letting her have the perfume and nail polish but Flint explains that since he doesn't have a son, it is he and Frankie that must work the farm themselves and Frankie has no time for being a lady. Ellie is upset but Andy understands that Flint has written the last word on the matter. Later Ellie asks Barney to try and talk to Flint. He goes up to the farm but doesn't get any further then Andy did and Flint demands that he leave. He doesn't, instead he sneaks into the barn and takes Frankie into town with him. When Andy and Ellie return to the farm, they've made dirt poor Frankie into beautiful Frances in a dress and makeup. Flint is upset, but Andy explains that with Frankie, he only has a so-so farmhand, but with Frances, he's close to having a strong son-in-law. Flint relents, and Frances gets to be a lady.

I'LL BE WITH YOU
IN A MINUTE, MISS.

THAT'LL BE 25.

[ CASH REGISTER RINGS ]

NOW, CAN I HELP
YOU, MISS?

OH, I WAS
JUST LOOKIN'.

OH, SURE.

I WAS LOOKIN'
AT THAT NAIL POLISH.

OH, THIS FROSTED
CHERRY-BERRY BONBON?

THAT'S A PRETTY COLOR.

TRY SOME.

OH, NO... I DON'T...



OH, JUST... HERE,
JUST TRY A SAMPLE
ON A FINGER

AND SEE HOW
YOU LIKE IT.

OH, THAT'S PRETTY.

HERE'S SOMETHING
I BET YOU'D LIKE.

IT'S CALLED "MIDNIGHT MADNESS."

HERE, TRY SOME.

YOU LIKE IT?

OH, THAT'S PRETTY.

MORNIN', ELLIE!

OH, HI, ANDY.

WELL, FRANKIE FLINT!

I AIN'T SEEN YOU AROUND TOWN
IN A LONG TIME.

HOW'S YOUR PA?

FINE.
GOOD!



[ SNIFFS ]

ELLIE, YOU BETTER CHECK
YOUR GAS JETS IN THE BACK.

I BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT A LEAK.

IT ISN'T GAS,
IT'S PERFUME.

OH, PERFUME.

CALLED MIDNIGHT
MADNESS-- HERE,
TRY SOME.

WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?

NOW, THAT STUFF
STICKS TO YA.

JUST LIKE A MAN.

DOESN'T APPRECIATE
THE FINER THINGS.

WELL, I APPRECIATE,
BUT I'M A SHERIFF

AND A SHERIFF'S SUPPOSED
TO SMELL LIKE A SHERIFF

NOT A GARDENIA BLOSSOM.

YOU GOIN' TO BUY
SOME OF THIS STUFF,

ARE YOU, FRANKIE?

HMM? OH, NO, I...
I WAS JUST LOOKIN'.

I DON'T THINK PA WOULD
WANT ME TO HAVE IT.

WELL, I...
I BETTER
BE GOIN'.

PA IS GOIN'
TO BE WAITIN'.

OH, I NEARLY FORGOT
WHAT I COME IN FOR.

PA WANTED ME TO GET HIM
SOME CHEWIN' TOBACCO.

OH, SURE.

I WISHED YOU HADN'T
OF DONE THAT, ELLIE.

I'M GOIN' TO HAVE
TO STAND DOWNWIND
TO EVERYBODY.

NONSENSE, IT MAKES
YOU IRRESISTIBLE.

HERE YOU ARE, MISS.
20 CENTS, UH-HUH.

[ CASH REGISTER RINGS ]

Ellie:
IS THERE ANYTHING
ELSE YOU'D LIKE?

NO THANKS, I...
I BETTER BE GOIN'.

BYE.

BYE, SHERIFF.

Andy:
SEE YOU, FRANKIE.

YOU GONNA
WAIT ON ME?

I JUST MIGHT BE
A CUSTOMER, YOU KNOW.

ANDY?

HUH?

THAT GIRL... I FEEL
SO SORRY FOR HER.

FRANKIE?

YOU KNOW WHAT
I'D LIKE TO DO?

WHAT?

I'D LIKE TO GET TOGETHER
A FEW OF THOSE THINGS

AND JUST GIVE THEM
TO HER TO HAVE.

IT'S OBVIOUS SHE
CAN'T AFFORD THEM

AND IT'D MAKE
HER SO HAPPY.

WHOA NOW, JUST
EASE BACK ON THEM
HORSES, THERE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WELL, I JUST
DON'T THINK

I'D DO THAT
IF I WAS YOU.

WHY NOT?
YOU HEARD HER SAY

HER PA DON'T WANT HER
TO HAVE THEM THINGS.

WELL, WHY NOT?

I DON'T KNOW.

HE DON'T HAVE
TO TELL US WHY.

BUT...

YOU AIN'T BEEN
LIVIN' HERE
VERY LONG.

WE DON'T GO A-MESSIN'
AROUND IN OTHER FOLKS'S STEW

UNLESS WE'RE ASKED.

BUT YOU SAW HOW SHE LOOKED:
LIKE A CHILD IN A TOY SHOP.

ALL I WANT TO DO
IS GIVE HER A LITTLE PRESENT.

NOW, ELLIE,
FLINT IS SET IN HIS WAYS

AND HE DON'T WANT
HER TO HAVE 'EM.

BUT...

[ DOOR OPENS ]

HI, PA, HI, MISS ELLIE.

HI, HONEY.

PA, CAN I HAVE A NICKEL
FOR A CANDY BAR?

I RECKON SO.

[ SNIFFS ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

IS THAT YOU, PA?

YEAH, IT'S ME.

YOU SURE DO SMELL PRETTY.

THANKS.

NICE AND SWEET.

LIKE A GARDENIA BLOSSOM.

OPIE!

THAT'S HOW AUNT BEE SMELLS

WHEN SHE COMES BACK
FROM THE BEAUTY PARLOR.

YOU BEEN TO
THE BEAUTY PARLOR, PA?

NO, MISS ELLIE
WAS SHOWIN' ME
SOME PERFUME

AND ACCIDENTALLY
SPILLED SOME ON ME.

DOES THAT CLEAR
THINGS UP?

YEAH, PA.

GOOD.

YOU SURE DO SMELL
PRETTY, THOUGH.

OPIE, THERE'S
YOUR NICKEL.

NOW, GO GET
THAT CANDY BAR.

OKAY, PA.
GO ON!

BYE!
BYE-BYE.

[ SNIFFS ]

OPIE'S RIGHT,
YOU DO SMELL
KIND OF PRETTY.

THAT TICKLES YOU,
DON'T IT?

JUST TICKLES YOU!

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHMAMED
OF YOURSELF,

SQUIRTIN'
THAT STUFF ON ME.

I'M SORRY.

NOW, FRANKIE WOULD
APPRECIATE IT A LOT MORE,

WHICH GETS ME BACK
TO WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.

NOW, WHAT'S WRONG WITH GIVING
HER JUST SOME PERFUME

AND NAIL POLISH
AND LIPSTICK?

I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU,
IT'S MESSING IN!

YOU'RE A MEAN THING.

I'M NOT MEAN.

I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW
THE PEOPLE AROUND HERE

A LITTLE BETTER
THAN YOU DO,

AND I'M TELLING YOU
NOT TO DO IT.

OH, POOH!

ELLIE, QUIT!

COME ON! DON'T SQUIRT
THAT STUFF ON ME!

HOWDY, BARNEY,
HOW IS EVERYTHING?

OH, HI, ANDY.

WELL, A NEW BATCH
OF WANTEDS JUST COME IN.

OTHERWISE, IT'S BEEN
QUIET ALL MORNING.

I HAVEN'T
MADE A SINGLE...

[ SNIFFS ]

SAY, ANDY...
UH, IS THAT YOU?

YEAH, IT'S ME.

WELL, WHAT YOU
GOT ON THERE?

OR WOULD YOU RATHER
NOT TALK ABOUT IT?

OH, I'LL TALK
ABOUT IT.

I WAS OVER
AT THE DRUGSTORE

AND ELLIE SQUIRTED
PERFUME ON ME

AND THOUGHT IT
WAS A BIG JOKE.

[ Laughing ]
WHAT'S THE STUFF CALLED?

WHAT?

THE PERFUME, WHAT'S
THE NAME OF IT?

MIDNIGHT MADNESS.

MIDNIGHT MADNESS!?

WELL, YOU DO SMELL
KIND OF CRAZY.

ALL RIGHT,
NOW, BARNEY.

WELL, MIDNIGHT
MADNESS, ZAZOO ZAZ.

ALL RIGHT, BARNEY,
I TOLD YOU WHAT HAPPENED

AND IT'S NOT FUNNY.

WHO SAYS IT'S FUNNY?
I THINK IT'S NICE.

YOU SMELL GOOD ENOUGH TO
TAKE TO A PICTURE SHOW.

NOW, BARNEY, JUST QUIT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER--
CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE?

I CAN TAKE A JOKE.

YEAH, YOU CAN KID ME,

BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE
IT YOURSELF, CAN YOU?

YES, I CAN.

SHOE'S ON THE OTHER
FOOT NOW, ISN'T IT?

ALL RIGHT, NOW,
BARNEY, ALL RIGHT.

MIDNIGHT MADNESS,
LA-DI-DA.

ALL RIGHT,
BARNEY, ALL RIGHT.

WELL, HI, TROUBLEMAKER.

ANDY, PROMISE
YOU WON'T GET ANGRY?

WHAT'D YOU DO?

ANDY, I'VE GOTTEN
TOGETHER A FEW THINGS

TO TAKE UP
TO FRANKIE FLINT.

NOW, ELLIE...

IT'LL MAKE
HER SO HAPPY--

SOME PERFUME AND
LIPSTICK AND POWDER.

I TOLD YOU BEFORE...
PLEASE, ANDY...

WELL...

THANK YOU, ANDY.

MAYBE BARNEY CAN
JUST STOP BY AND LEAVE IT.

IF IT MEANS THAT MUCH TO YOU.

IT DOES.

BARNEY!

HI, ELLIE.
HI, BARNEY.

BARNEY,
I WANT YOU

TO DO A LITTLE
JOB FOR ME.

ANYTHING FOR YOU,
GARDENIA BLOSSOM.

YOU NOTICED!

ALL RIGHT, NOW BOTH
OF YOU JUST QUIT.

BARNEY, I WANT YOU
TO TAKE THIS PACKAGE

UP TO
THE FLINT PLACE

AND GIVE IT
TO FRANKIE FLINT

AND TELL HER
IT'S FROM ELLIE
AT THE DRUGSTORE.

SURE, SHERIFF.

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.
I'LL GET IT THROUGH.

PACKAGE
FROM THE DRUGSTORE?

IS IT A MATTER
OF LIFE OR DEATH?

IT'S NOT MEDICINE, BARNEY,
IT'S JUST MAKEUP.

YOU KNOW, SOME
OF THAT FEMALE
WAR PAINT?

FEMALE...?
IT'S NOT MEDICINE?

NO.

FEMALE WAR PAINT?

THAT'S
RIGHT.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'D
BE LOWERING THE DIGNITY

OF THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE

TO HAVE THE DEPUTY
DELIVER FEMALE DOODADS

ALL OVER THE PLACE?

WELL, IT'S JUST
A LITTLE PACKAGE.

JUST A LITTLE PACKAGE?!

BUT OF WHAT?!
WHAT IF I HAD AN ACCIDENT?

WHAT IF I WAS LAYING OUT THERE
ON THE ROAD SOMEPLACE

AND A STATE PATROLMAN
COMES BY

AND HE FINDS
THIS LITTLE PACKAGE

AND HE OPENS IT?

WHAT DOES HE FIND?

"WELL, NOW,"
HE SAYS TO HISSELF,

"THIS HERE AIN'T NO DEPUTY.
IT'S A DEPUTY-ESS.

AW, BARNEY, THAT'S SILLY.

WAIT... WAIT
A MINUTE, ANDY.

I THINK BARNEY'S RIGHT.

I THINK IT REALLY
WOULDN'T LOOK RIGHT

FOR A DEPUTY SHERIFF
TO BE USED AS A DELIVERY BOY.

WELL, IT'S JUST --

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO
DO THAT.

THERE.
YOU SEE?

IT WOULD BE
UNDIGNIFIED

FOR A DEPUTY
TO HAVE TO DELIVER

A PACKAGE TO
THE FLINT PLACE.

BUT IT WOULDN'T
BE UNDIGNIFIED

FOR THE SHERIFF TO DRIVE
A CITIZEN UP THERE.

LET'S US DO IT, PLEASE?

( stuttering ):
NO, NOW, ELLIE...

PLEASE?

[ SIGHS ]

DON'T JUST STAND THERE,
GIVE ME THE CAR KEYS.

Ellie:
HELLO.

Frankie:
HELLO...
HOWDY, SHERIFF.

HOWDY, FRANKIE.

ELLIE BROUGHT YOU

SOME THINGS
FROM THE DRUGSTORE.

ME? WHAT IS IT?

WELL, FRANKIE, WE WERE THINKING
OF PUTTING IN SOME NEW ITEMS

IN THE DRUGSTORE
AND WE WANTED TO FIND OUT

HOW OUR WOMEN CUSTOMERS
FEEL ABOUT THEM.

FOR INSTANCE, THIS NAIL POLISH
AND LIPSTICK AND HAND LOTION.

YOU MEAN, YOU WANT ME
TO HAVE THESE THINGS?

Ellie:
YES, AND TELL US
HOW YOU LIKE THEM.

OH, I... I'LL TRY
NOT TO USE TOO MUCH.

OH, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO GIVE
THEM BACK...

THEY'RE YOURS!

TO KEEP? FOR MYSELF?

YES.

FRANKIE, HOW COME...

THOUGHT I DIDN'T HEAR
NO SAWIN'.

HOW DO, MA'AM?

Ellie:
HELLO.

Andy:
HOWDY, FLINT.

SOMETHIN' I CAN DO
FOR YOU, SHERIFF?

I JUST DROVE
MISS WALKER UP HERE.

SHE BROUGHT SOME
THINGS FOR FRANKIE.

SHE DID?

Ellie:
SOME HAND LOTION...

SOME WHAT?

HAND LOTION.

Andy:
IT MAKES THE HANDS
SOFT AND SMOOTH.

Ellie:
AND SOME NAIL POLISH
AND PERFUME.

THAT PERFUME
IS MIDNIGHT MADNESS.

IT'S GOOD!

I WAS JUST TELLING
YOUR DAUGHTER

SHE'S WELCOME TO...

THANK YOU, MA'AM,

BUT FRANKIE
AIN'T GOT NO USE

FOR THEM
THINGS.

WELL, WHY NOT?

SHE JUST
AIN'T,
IS ALL.

BUT...

THANK YOU, MA'AM.

WE GOT LOTS OF CHORES
THAT NEED DOIN'.

FRANKIE, BETTER GET TO WORK
ON SAWIN' THAT WOOD AGAIN.

BUT PA, THEY...
YOU HEARD ME.

UH, ELLIE, WE BETTER
BE GETTIN' ON BACK...

WAIT... WAIT--
MR. FLINT,

I THINK FRANKIE WOULD
LIKE TO HAVE THESE.

BUT, ELLIE,

BUT FLINT HERE
DON'T WANT HER

TO HAVE THEM, SO...

MR. FLINT...
MR. FLINT...

I SAID GOOD DAY
TO YOU, MA'AM.

NOW, YOU'RE
TRESPASSIN'
ON MY LAND.

SHERIFF?

LET'S GO, ELLIE.

MR. FLINT, YOU'RE
NOT BEING FAIR.

THAT'S NOT FOR YOU
TO JUDGE, MA'AM.

ELLIE, WE'D BETTER
GET ON BACK.

SEE YOU, FLINT.

THAT'S NOT FAIR, ANDY.
HE'S HER FATHER...

I KNOW THAT.

HOW IS SHE EVER GOING
TO MEET A NICE YOUNG FELLA

AND GET MARRIED
AND RAISE A FAMILY?

FLINT IS STILL
HER DADDY,

AND SHE'S STILL GOT TO DO
WHAT HE SAYS.

HE'S JUST BEING MEAN
AND STUBBORN.

WHY WOULDN'T HE LET HER
HAVE THESE THINGS?

I DON'T KNOW.
PROUD, I RECKON.

PROUD! YOU SAW HOW ANXIOUS
SHE WAS TO HAVE THEM.

WHAT HAPPENED?

OLD MAN FLINT THROW
YOU OFF HIS LAND?

HE WOULDN'T LET
HER HAVE THEM.

ELLIE, YOU TRIED.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
ELSE YOU CAN DO.

THIS IS
THE 20th CENTURY.

HE MAY BE HER FATHER,
BUT NOT HER MASTER.

WELL, THAT'S SO,
I GUESS, BUT...

I KNOW HOW
I'D HANDLE

A MEAN OLD COOT
LIKE THAT.

YOU DO?

YES, I DO.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

WELL, I'D GO UP TO HIS PLACE

AND I'D SAY,
"FLINT, YOU GOT A DAUGHTER?

"WELL, MAYBE THIS AIN'T
NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

"BUT I THINK IT'D BE NICE
IF THAT DAUGHTER OF YOURS

HAD SOME OF THEM
FEMALE DECORATIONS."

YOU WOULD SAY THAT?

YES,
I WOULD.

YOU SAY THAT
AND FLINT'D PROBABLY

KNOCK A KNOT
ON YOUR HEAD.

I DON'T THINK
HE WOULD.

WELL, HE
JUST MIGHT.

IF HE DID GET
SMART-NOSED
WITH ME,

YOU KNOW
WHAT I'D DO?

WHAT?

I'D SAY, "FLINT, I'M TAKING
THAT DAUGHTER OF YOURS INTO TOWN

"SO SHE CAN
GET HERSELF PRETTIED UP.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
DO ABOUT IT?

"THAT GIRL'S GOT RIGHTS

"AND I'M
HERE TO SEE

"THEM RIGHTS
IS PROTECTED.

I'M TAKING
HER WITH ME."

BARNEY, WOULD YOU?

HUH?

GO UP AND GET HER
AND BRING HER BACK?

IT'S THE ONLY WAY
IT'LL FINALLY HAPPEN.

OH, PLEASE, BARNEY.

WELL, UH...

WELL, GO AHEAD, TIGER.

OH, YOU THINK I CAN'T?

OH, NO, NO, NO...

JUST TRY TO CONTROL
YOUR TEMPER.

GIVE ME THEM KEYS.

OH, THANK YOU,
BARNEY!

I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU
AT MY HOUSE,

AND GOOD LUCK!

HEY, BARNEY.

TAKE IT EASY, NOW.

OH, FLINT?

UH, MR. FLINT?

[ CHICKEN CLUCKS ]

UH, MR. FLINT, SIR?

YEAH?

DO YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER?

YEAH.

WELL, UH, NOW MAYBE
THIS AIN'T NONE
OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT I THOUGHT
IT'D BE NICE

I-IF THAT DAUGHTER
OF YOURS

HAD SOME OF THEM
FEMALE DECORATIONS.

YOU KNOW, UH...
THINGS THAT GIRLS

PAINT THEMSELVES WITH.

NOW, ME-- I AIN'T
GOT MUCH USE FOR
THEM MYSELF.

I GUESS
NEITHER HAVE YOU.

BUT, WELL,
GIRLS LIKE THEM

AND I THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU WOULDN'T MIND

IF SHE HAD A FEW THINGS

TO PRETTY HERSELF UP
WITH THE WAY GIRLS DO.

OF COURSE,
NOW, LIKE I SAID,

IT AIN'T NONE
OF MY BUSINESS.

THAT'S RIGHT,
IT AIN'T.

IT AIN'T NONE
OF YOUR BUSINESS

OR THAT DRUGSTORE
LADY'S EITHER.

NOW, I'M TELLING YOU
JUST LIKE I TOLD HER.

MY DAUGHTER AIN'T GOT
NO USE FOR THEM THINGS.

NOW, IS THAT CLEAR?

OH, YES, SIR,
THAT'S CLEAR ALL RIGHT.

GOLLY, COULDN'T GET
ANY CLEARER THAN THAT.

I MEAN, A MAN WOULD
HAVE TO BE A DUMBBELL

NOT TO SEE
HOW CLEAR THAT WAS.

ALL RIGHT, THEN,
GOOD DAY TO YOU.

WELL, MR. FLINT, SIR...

I GOT NO MORE
TO SAY ABOUT IT.

NOW, GET OFF
OF MY LAND.

DOGGONE IT, I PROMISED ELLIE.

AND I WILL.

[ CLUCKING ]

[ CLUCKING ]

[ CRASH ]

[ SQUAWKING ]

Flint: ALL RIGHT, YOU BIDDIES!
SETTLE DOWN IN THERE!

WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS
ABOUT IN HERE?

Flint:
FRANKIE?

Frankie:
YES, PA?

Flint: BETTER GET
ON THEM CHORES.

[ PIGS SQUEALING ]

PSST, FRANKIE.

FRANKIE FLINT, I'M
TAKING YOU INTO CUSTODY.

WHAT?!

I'LL EXPLAIN IT
TO YOU IN THE CAR.

GET OUT OF
THE WAY!

W-W-WELL,
H-HOW'D YOU DO IT?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
HOW'D I DO IT?

JUST LIKE I SAID I WOULD.

I WALKED UP TO FLINT

AND I SAID, "FLINT,
HAVE YOU GOT A DAUGHTER?

"NOW, MAYBE THIS AIN'T
NONE OF MY BUSINESS

"BUT THEN AGAIN, MAYBE IT IS.

"NOW, I THINK THAT DAUGHTER
OF YOURS WOULD LIKE TO TRY

"TO LOOK A LITTLE BIT
MORE LIKE A GIRL.

NOW, WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE?"

AND THAT'S ALL
THERE WAS TO IT?

WELL... SHE'S OVER
AT ELLIE'S, AIN'T SHE?

WELL, DID FLINT SAY
IT WAS ALL RIGHT

FOR YOU TO BRING FRANKIE
INTO TOWN?

HUH?

DOES FLINT KNOW THAT FRANKIE
IS OVER AT ELLIE'S HOUSE?

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
HOW I FIGURED THAT, ANDY.

WHAT HE DON'T KNOW
WON'T HURT HIM.

ANDY? BARNEY?

ARE YOU READY FOR
THE UNVEILING?

ALL RIGHT, FRANKIE--
EXCUSE ME, FRANCES.

Andy:
MMM, FRANKIE--

YOU ARE SOME
KIND OF PRETTY.

I CAN'T HARDLY
LOOK AT HER.

I LOOKED AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR

AND I JUST COULDN'T
BELIEVE IT WAS ME.

IF YOUR PA SAW
YOU LOOKING LIKE THAT,

HE'D WANT TO SEE
YOU LIKE THAT
ALL THE TIME.

THAT'S A WONDERFUL
SUGGESTION.

THAT'S JUST
WHAT WE'LL DO.

NO, ELLIE.

I DON'T
THINK...

WE'LL SHOW HIM--
HE'LL BE THRILLED.

YOU DON'T
KNOW MY PA.

YOU DON'T WANT
TO QUIT NOW, ANDY.

COME ON, BARNEY
WENT AND GOT HER,

NOW YOU
BRING HER BACK.

NO, ELLIE, YOU
HEARD WHAT FLINT...

WELL, I
DIDN'T WANT...

WELL, DON'T
JUST STAND THERE.

GIVE ME
THE CAR KEYS.

COME ON!

Andy: HEY, FLINT,
WAIT A MINUTE!

HI, FLINT.

BACK AGAIN,
SHERIFF?

I TOLD YOU AND
YOUR LADY FRIEND HERE

THIS MORNING
TO KINDLY STAY AWAY.

NOW I SEE YOU BROUGHT
SOMEBODY ELSE WITH YOU.

WELL, NOW, FLINT,

IT AIN'T JUST
SOMEBODY ELSE.

HUH?

IT'S ME, PA,
FRANKIE.

WHAT IN THE...

Andy: WELL, FLINT,
WHAT DO YOU THINK

OF YOUR
DAUGHTER NOW?

WELL, I THINK
SHE'S RIGHT PRETTY.

I THINK IT'S BEST
YOU GET OUT OF THEM THINGS

AND GET BACK TO WORK.

BUT, MR. FLINT, SHE
LOVES THESE THINGS.

WHY CAN'T
SHE HAVE THEM?

BECAUSE SHE'S A FARM GIRL

AND FARM GIRLS AIN'T GOT
TIME FOR THEM THINGS.

WELL, NOW, FLINT,

I CAN'T GO
ALONG WITH THAT.

OTHER FARM GIRLS
HAS GOT THEM.

THAT'S BECAUSE OTHER FARMERS
HAVE GOT SONS...

LIKE JENKINS THERE.

HE'S GOT NATURAL,
BUILT-IN FARMHANDS.

THIS PLACE HERE
IS ALL WE'VE GOT,
FRANKIE AND ME,

AND ALL WE'VE GOT TO WORK IT
WITH IS OUR FOUR HANDS.

I'D LIKE TO SAY "THANK YOU,
MA'AM, I'M MIGHTY GRATEFUL,"

BUT I CAN'T.

SO I GOT TO SAY, "GET OUT
OF THEM THINGS, FRANKIE."

BUT, PA...

MR. FLINT...

UH, HOLD ON
A MINUTE, ELLIE.

I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE BEING FAIR

TO FLINT HERE.

ANDY...

WELL, I DON'T.

NOW, NOW, FLINT,
HE'S A FARMER--

BUSINESSMAN
IN A MANNER
OF SPEAKING

AND HE'S GOT
HISSELF ONE ASSET--

NAMELY FRANKIE.

HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT,
BUT NOW, FLINT,

I AIN'T NO
EFFICIENCY EXPERT,

BUT I JUST
GOT ME A FEELING

THAT YOU AIN'T
USING FRANKIE
EFFICIENT-LIKE.

I AIN'T?

NO.

WHY NOT?

WELL, NOW,
IF WE CAN JUST TRY US

A LITTLE
EXPERIMENT HERE,

I BELIEVE YOU CAN
SEE WHAT I MEAN.

COME ON,
FRANKIE.

WE'LL BE BACK
IN A MINUTE.

FRANKIE'S A PRETTY
GOOD HAND TO WORK,
IS SHE, FLINT?

FOR A GIRL,
YEAH.

FOR A FEMALE,
BUT NOT AS GOOD
AS A MALE, HUH?

OF COURSE NOT.

SO THEN, ON
THE DEBIT SIDE,

FRANKIE IS JUST
A FAIR FARM HAND,

BUT IT APPEARS
ON THE CREDIT SIDE

THAT FRANCES
IS QUITE A GIRL.

NOW, YOU TAKE
A FINE STRONG BUCK

MEETING UP WITH
THE QUITE A GIRL,

WHY THAT'S JUST A
HOP, SKIP AND JUMP

FROM A FINE,
YOUNG SON-IN-LAW.

NOW, A FINE,
YOUNG SON-IN-LAW,

THAT'S JUST ANOTHER
WAY OF SAYING

A FINE, STRONG
FARMHAND.

NOW, FLINT,
AS A BUSINESSMAN

I WANT TO ASK YOU

WHAT DO YOU THINK
IS THE MOST
EFFICIENT WAY

OF USING
YOUR DAUGHTER:

AS FRANKIE,
THE FAIR FARMHAND,

OR AS FRANCES,
THE QUITE A GIRL?

WELL, ELLIE,
LOOKS LIKE
MISS FRANCES

IS GOING
TO BE NEEDING

SOME MORE LIPSTICK
AND ROUGE AND LOTION

AND ALL THAT GOOD
STUFF THAT DRAWS
THE FLIES.

MAYBE ONE OF THESE SHADES
WOULD BE NICE.

THAT ONE?
I LIKE THIS ONE.

MM-HMM.
MAYBE THAT ONE.

WELL, HOWDY, GIRLS.

HI, ANDY.HI, ANDY.

FRANKIE, I SEE YOU REALLY
ARE TAKING TO THIS NEW LIFE.

MAKING UP
FOR LOST TIME.

ANDY, WHICH OF THESE
DO YOU LIKE FOR A POWDER --

TEMPTING TOUCH, SHIMMERING ROSE,
OR TWILIGHT BLUSH?

WELL, I'D SAY FOR MY COMPLEXION,
TWILIGHT BLUSH.

OH, IT'S FOR FRANKIE!

OH, WELL.
HI, GANG.

OH, NOW HERE IS THE MAN THAT
HELPED MAKE ALL THIS POSSIBLE.

AW, COME ON.
YOU DID.

YOU WENT UP THERE
AND GOT FRANKIE

AND STARTED
THE WHOLE THING.

THAT'S RIGHT,
BARNEY.

WELL, IT'S ALL IN A DAY'S WORK
FOR A LAWMAN.

WELL, I THINK
FOR THAT ACTION,

IT WAS ABOVE AND BEYOND
THE CALL OF DUTY

THAT BARNEY OUGHT TO BE
DECORATED...

YES, SIR, WITH
A SQUIRT OF MIDNIGHT MADNESS.

ANDY! STOP IT!

NOW I HAVE TO GO HOME
AND TAKE A SHOWER!

ALWAYS CLOWNING
AND KIDDING AROUND!

WHY DON'T YOU
GROW UP, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES!

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]