The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 26 - The Inspector - full transcript
With the state inspector coming, Barney rushes out to get a prisoner and returns with Otis, who's drunk. Ralph Case arrives, doesn't like what he sees and starts writing down violations. Andy, who was out, comes in with a birthday cake for Otis and Case questions his methods and leaves ready to recommend impeachment. Case returns and goes with the lawmen to arrest a moonshiner who has locked himself in his house and is shooting at people. Brady, Case's boss, arrives just as Andy is arresting the man and is impressed by his courage. Case starts to list the violations he saw earlier at the courthouse, without much success, and drops the matter. The sheriff's department gets a clean bill of health.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PLAYING CHECKERS.
WITH YOURSELF?
YEAH.
WELL, HOW YOU DOING?
WON TWO AND LOST TWO.
ANY OTHER GAMES
YOU PLAY BY YOURSELF?
YEAH. I SOMETIMES PLAY MYSELF
TWO-HANDED ROB-THE-DECK CASINO.
YOU DO?
YEAH.
AND SOMETIMES
I ALSO PLAY MYSELF
A FOUR-HANDED GAME
OF PARCHEESI.
DO YOU MIND?
NO, I DON'T MIND.
THERE'S SOMETHING I WISH
YOU'D DO FOR ME, THOUGH.
WHAT'S THAT?
IF YOU WAS TO EVER PLAY YOURSELF
A GAME OF PING-PONG,
I WISH YOU'D LET ME KNOW,
BECAUSE THAT I GOT TO SEE.
YEAH, YEAH.
OKAY, ANDY.
HERE, OPEN UP
SOME OF THE MAIL.
MAYBE YOU WROTE
YOURSELF A LETTER.
NEVER KNOW WHEN
TO STOP, DO YOU?
JUST GO ON AND ON
AND ON AND ON AND ON.
IT'S KIND OF A SICKNESS
WITH YOU, I GUESS.
OH, BARNEY, I WAS
JUST PICKING AT YOU.
HEY, WE GOT A PACKAGE
FROM THE HUBACHER BROTHERS.
OH!
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
THEY'RE STILL DOING TIME
UP THE STATE PRISON.
LET'S SEE WHAT IT IS.
OH, THEY'RE IN LEATHER CRAFT.
A WALLET FOR ME
AND A BOOKMARK FOR YOU.
AW.
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE THREE OF THE
NICEST FELLAS WE EVER SENT UP.
OH, HERE'S A NOTE.
IT SAYS, UH, SAYS,
"DEAR ANDY AND BARNEY..."
SAYS,
"HI FROM STATE PRISON.
"AS YOU CAN SEE
FROM THE ENCLOSED,
"WE ARE LEARNING A TRADE.
"AS YOU PROBABLY HAVE HEARD,
WE WERE SEPARATED AWHILE
"WHEN ELMER WENT OUT
ON PAROLE.
"BUT THANK HEAVENS
HE'S BACK WITH US
AND WE'RE ALL TOGETHER
AGAIN."
THAT'S NICE.
IT IS NICE.
"YOURS TRULY,
THE HUBACHER BROTHERS.
"P.S. -- WE'RE HAVING
A WONDERFUL TIME.
WISH YOU WERE HERE.
HA HA."
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
WISH WE WAS THERE --
IN THE PRISON.
[ LAUGHS ]
YEAH.
THEY'RE FUNNY BOYS.
WE OUGHT TO DRIVE UP THERE
SOME SUNDAY AND SEE THEM.
YEAH.
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
UH-OH.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THIS IS FROM THE STATE
INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.
THEY'RE SENDING A MAN DOWN HERE
TO LOOK US OVER!
OH, IS THAT ALL?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
IS THAT ALL?
THAT'S JUST ROUTINE.
THEY SEND A MAN DOWN
EVERY NOW AND THEN.
IT'S NOTHING TO GET
HET UP ABOUT.
THIS MUST HAVE BEEN
LATE GETTING HERE.
SAYS HE'LL BE
COMING IN TODAY.
TODAY?!
OH, GOSH, ANDY,
WE GOT TO GET READY!
YEAH, BOY.
I GOT TO GET MY FISHING GEAR
TOGETHER
AND OIL UP
MY HUNTING GUNS.
WELL, HOW CAN YOU THINK ABOUT
FISHING AND HUNTING
WHEN THERE'S AN INSPECTOR
COMING?!
AND TODAY!
THIS IS AWFUL!
IT'S JUST AWFUL!
OH, BARNEY, NO USE TO GET
YOUR SKINNY LITTLE VEINS
TO POPPING.
IT'S JUST SAM ALLEN.
UH, SAM ALLEN?
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU WASN'T HERE WHEN
HE COME DOWN BEFORE.
SAM ALLEN-- HE'S
THE INSPECTOR.
HE'S A BUDDY OF MINE.
WE GO FISHING AND HUNTING.
IT'S MORE A SOCIAL CALL
THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
IT'S STILL AN INSPECTION,
AND WE OUGHT
TO BE READY FOR HIM.
UH! OH!
WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT?
THE CELLS WOULD HAVE
TO BE EMPTY TODAY.
NOW, HOW DOES THAT LOOK?
WELL... IT LOOKS EMPTY
IS HOW IT LOOKS.
IT SURE DOESN'T
SPEAK WELL
FOR THE LAW AROUND HERE.
I'M GOING TO GO OUT
AND GET US A PRISONER.
BARNEY, WE DON'T
NEED A PRISONER.
YES, WE DO. WE NEED ONE
TO DRESS UP THE PLACE.
ALL RIGHT, OTIS.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
I GOT ONE, ANDY.
OTIS GETS TO BE IT, HUH?
DOGGONE IT, OTIS,
YOU'RE A PRISONER.
NOW, ACT LIKE ONE.
BUT I LIKE
YOU, BARNEY.
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S
ALL WELL AND GOOD,
BUT YOU AIN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE
HUGGING ME WHEN
I'M ARRESTING YOU.
ANDY, TELL HIM IT
AIN'T REGULATION.
BUT HE LIKES YOU,
BARNEY.
ALL RIGHT, TAKE IT EASY, OTIS.
COME ON.
ANDY, MY OTHER
GOOD FRIEND.
YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO HUG THE SHERIFF NEITHER.
BUT I LIKE YOU BOTH.
YOU'RE BOTH
MY GOOD FRIENDS,
AND I'M GLAD
TO BE WITH YOU.
THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY.
OH, AIN'T THAT NICE?
* FOR I'M A JOLLY
GOOD FELLOW *
* FOR I'M
A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... *
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I GOT DRUNK JUST SO
I COULD COME OVER HERE
TO BE WITH YOU
SO YOU COULD HELP ME
CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY.
OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO DO THAT, OTIS.
WHY, YOU WOULD HAVE
BEEN WELCOME ANYHOW.
NO, THAT'S LIKE GOING
TO A FRIEND'S STORE
AND NOT BUYING ANYTHING.
SHERIFF?
HUH?
CAN I
USE YOUR PHONE?
SURE. HELP YOURSELF.
HEY, OTIS.
IT'S, UH...
IT'S OVER HERE.
OH.
* I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW
* 'CAUSE I'M
A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... *
HELLO, SARAH?
THIS IS OTIS CAMPBELL.
HAVE THERE BEEN ANY CALLS FOR ME
ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY?
NOBODY CALLED TO WISH ME
A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
NOBODY.
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
LET'S GET LOCKED UP.
COME ON,
IN THE CELL.
NOW, WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE, BARNEY.
YOU CAN'T LOCK
OTIS UP TODAY.
IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
BUT THE INSPECTOR'S
COMING.
AND IT'S
MY BIRTHDAY.
HEY, I GOT A IDEA.
SAM'LL GET A KICK
OUT OF THIS.
HIM AND OTIS
ARE PRACTICALLY BUDDIES.
HEY, OTIS,
GUESS WHO'S COMING.
WHO?
SAM ALLEN.
HE IS?
WE'RE GOING
TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY.
WE ARE?
YEAH. OH,
THIS'LL TICKLE SAM.
I'LL GO GET US
A CAKE.
[ MOANS ]
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
SOMEBODY REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY.
HEY, BARNEY,
GUARD YOUR PRISONER.
PARTY IN A JAIL.
JIMINY.
IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE
A LAWMAN CRY.
* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW *
* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW *
* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW... *
YES? WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M FROM
THE STATE INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.
OH, WELL, WELCOME TO
MAYBERRY, MR. ALLEN.
ALLEN? I'M NOT ALLEN.
OH, I-I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU WERE FROM
THE STATE INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.
I AM, BUT MY NAME IS CASE --
RALPH CASE.
I REPLACED SAM ALLEN.
YOU... YOU... YOU
REPLACED SAM ALLEN?
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE, UH, SHERIFF TAYLOR?
YEAH. NO.
NO, I'M THE DEPUTY.
BARNEY FIFE.
DON'T TELL ME
THAT'S THE SHERIFF.
WHO?
HIM.
OH, HIM?
OH, MY GOODNESS, NO.
THAT'S NOT THE SHERIFF.
WELL, WHO IS IT?
WELL... UH...
HE'S A PRISONER.
A PRISONER?
WELL...
WHAT IS THIS PRISONER DOING
OUT OF HIS CELL?
HUH?
THIS PRISONER
IS NOT IN A CELL. WHY?
WHY?
WELL...
I HAD HIM
ON A WORK DETAIL, SIR.
SHERIFF TAYLOR SAYS
TO ALWAYS KEEP
THESE PRISONERS HOPPIN'.
I GUESS I... I SORT
OF OVER-HOPPED HIM.
I HAVE TO
WATCH MYSELF.
YOU SEE, I HAVE
A TENDENCY TO GET BRUTAL.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO, OTIS.
GET THEM FEET DOWN.
LET'S GET
IN THAT CELL!
COME ON, HUT,
HUT, HEP, HAW.
AND STOP
THAT SINGING!
THIS IS A PRISON,
NOT A HOTEL.
LET'S GET IN THERE.
HA! HIYA!
HERE'S THE CAKE.
WHERE'S OTIS?
SHERIFF TAYLOR?
HOW DO?
I'LL BE WITH YOU
IN A MINUTE.
HOLD THIS.
OTIS, WHAT ARE YOU
A-DOIN' IN THERE?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
THE GUEST OF HONOR.
COME ON OUT HERE,
BIRTHDAY BOY.
ANDY, THIS IS
THE N INSPECTOR--
MR. CAKE... UH, CASE.
OH, HOW DO?
OH, THIS IS
OTIS CAMPBELL.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.
SAM ALLEN AIN'T COMIN'?
OH, I'M TAKING
MR. ALLEN'S PLACE.
SAM AIN'T FEELIN'
POORLY, IS HE?
HE'S ON A LEAVE
OF ABSENCE.
OH, WELL, WE'RE
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WE WERE JUST FIXIN'
TO HAVE A LITTLE PARTY.
EVERYBODY FORGOT
OTIS' BIRTHDAY.
SHERIFF?
HEY, MAYBE AFTERWARDS
WE COULD DO A LITTLE FISHIN'.
SHERIFF, I DIDN'T
COME HERE TO FISH.
WANT TO DO A LITTLE
FROG-GIGGIN'?
NOR TO GO
FROG-GIGGING.
YOU'RE NOT MUCH
LIKE SAM, ARE YOU?
APPARENTLY NOT.
EXCUSE ME.
Otis.
Get in the cell.
BUT THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY...
In, in, in, in.
PARTY POOPER.
AIN'T THEY
NICE DOILIES?
MY AUNT BEE MADE
THOSE BY HAND.
SHERIFF, I'VE INSPECTED
MANY A JAIL,
BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN
ONE LIKE THIS.
WHY, THANK YOU.
WHAT I MEAN IS, THIS JAIL
DOESN'T EVEN SEEM LIKE A JAIL.
WELL, NOW, I'M GLAD
IT HIT YOU THAT WAY.
THAT'S EXACTLY THE EFFECT
WE WAS TRYIN' TO ACHIEVE.
SOME OF OUR PRISONERS
HAVE SAID THAT OUR CELLS
ARE KIND OF LIKE A
HOME AWAY FROM HOME.
HOME AWAY FROM...
WELL, SEE, MOST
OF OUR PRISONERS
ARE FRIENDS
AND NEIGHBORS
AND DIFFERENT
ONES LIKE THAT.
AND, WELL, WE FIGURE
THEY'VE ALREADY MET
WITH SOME KIND
OF MISFORTUNE.
WE DON'T WANT
TO MAKE IT
MORE UNPLEASANT
THAN WE CAN HELP.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S AMAZING.
ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
WHY, THANK YOU.
MUCH OBLIGED.
SHERIFF TAYLOR,
HAVEN'T YOU EVER READ
ANY TEXTBOOKS ON
PROPER PROCEDURE?
ANY SORT OF
POLICE MANUAL?
UM, NO, I CAN'T SAY
THAT I HAVE.
I-I DID USED TO TAKE
THE POLICE GAZETT THOUGH.
I HAD TO CUT IT OUT
WHEN DEPUTY FIFE
JOINED THE FORCE.
WELL, SEE, IT HAD A LOT
OF GIRLIE PICTURES IN IT,
AND BARNEY, HE'S...
HE'S NEVER BEEN MARRIED.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
UH, BOY, IT SURE IS NICE
TO HAVE THESE BABIES AROUND.
YOUR SIDEARM,
PLEASE.
SIR?
YOUR PISTOL.
IT, UH, IS A PISTOL?
OH, YES, SIR.
THERE AREN'T ANY
BULLETS IN THIS GUN.
OH, WELL, BARNEY KEEPS
HIS BULLET IN HIS POCKET.
IN HIS POCKET?
MM-HMM.
WELL, WHY DON'T
YOU PUT IT
IN THE PISTOL,
WHERE IT BELONGS?
YES, SIR.
AW, MR. CASE, I...
[ GUNSHOT ]
ANDY, TAKE THAT THING
AWAY FROM HIM
'FORE HE KILLS US ALL.
SEE, MR. CASE, THAT'S
WHY WE'VE GENERALLY FOUND
IT BETTER IF BARNEY KEEPS
HIS BULLET IN HIS POCKET.
SEE, HE'S GOT THIS
GREASY TRIGGER FINGER.
SHERIFF TAYLOR, THIS
IS THE WORST EXCUSE
FOR A JAIL
I'VE EVER SEEN.
I'D HATE TO THINK
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF SOMETHING SERIOUS
CAME UP HERE.
IT WOULD BE
CHAOTIC, DISASTROUS!
WELL, THERE AIN'T NO USE
THINKING GLOOMY THOUGHTS.
GOLLY, LOOK ON
THE BRIGHT SIDE.
WELL, WE'LL SEE
IF THERE IS A BRIGHT SIDE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO.
I'M GOING TO CALL MY CHIEF
AT THE STATE CAPITAL
AND HAVE HIM COME DOWN HERE
AND SEE THIS FOR HIMSELF.
WELL, WHAT FOR?
TO SEE WHETHER OR NOT
I'M RIGHT IN RECOMMENDING
THAT IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS
BE STARTED AGAINST YOU
AND YOUR FORCE.
A SHERIFF'S OFFICE SHOULD BE RUN
BY THE SHERIFF AND HIS DEPUTY,
NOT THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS.
HUH.
FIRST, I DIDN'T THINK
THAT FELLA WAS SO BAD,
BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HE SURE DOES HAVE
A LOT OF NASTY IN HIM.
OH, ANDY, THIS IS AWFUL,
JUST AWFUL.
I'M OUT A BULLET, AND
YOU'LL SOON BE OUT A JOB.
AND I'M OUT A BIRTHDAY PARTY.
OH, HI, OPE.
GOT HERE AS FAST
AS I COULD, PA.
HUH?
BARNEY WAS JUST
AT THE HOUSE.
HE TOLD AUNT BEE
THERE WAS AN INSPECTOR HERE
MAKING TROUBLE.
OH, LEAVE IT TO BARNEY.
HE SAID YOU MIGHT
HAVE A CHANCE
IF YOU WAS AT LEAST
IN UNIFORM.
SAID YOU NEEDED
A HAT AND A TIE.
SO I BROUGHT YOU THESE.
OH.
THEY OKAY, PA?
IT WAS ALL
I COULD FIND.
OH, I RECKON.
IS THAT INSPECTOR GONNA
MAKE TROUBLE FOR YOU?
NO.
SURE HOPE NOT, PA.
'CAUSE I THINK
YOU'RE THE BEST SHERIFF
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
EVEN IF YOU DON'T
CARRY A GUN.
WELL, THANK YOU
FOR THAT TESTIMONIAL.
STILL, THOUGH,
IF BARNEY THINKS I OUGHT TO
KEEP UP APPEARANCES,
MAYBE I OUGHT
TO GIVE HER A TRY.
YOU RUN ALONG HOME.
OKAY, PA.
AND THANK YOU FOR THESE.
OKAY.
ANDY?
BACK HERE, BARN.
ANDY, I JUST SEEN
INSPECTOR CASE, AND HE...
OH, IT'S JUST AWFUL,
JUST AWFUL!
WHAT'S UP?
ANDY!
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR
REPORTING FOR INSPECTION, SIR.
ANDY, WHAT'S THAT?
DIDN'T YOU GO
OVER TO THE HOUSE
AND TELL THEM TO SEND
ME A HAT AND TIE?
WELL, YES.
SO YOU'D BE IN UNIFORM.
NOT IN TRICK OR TREAT!
AW, YOU DON'T LIKE
MY HAT AND TIE?
LOOK AT THIS TIE.
SEE THEM DOTS THERE?
YOU LOOK AT THEM DOTS
AND THEN LOOK AWAY
AND YOU STILL SEE THEM.
YOU WANT TO TRY? HMM?
YOU LIKE MY HAT WITH THE BRIM UP
OR DOWN BETTER?
I GUESS DOWN FOR EVENING
AND UP FOR DAY.
NOW, LOOK, ANDY,
YOU AIN'T HEARD THE WORST.
I JUST SEEN INSPECTOR CASE
A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
IS OLD MR. NASTY
STILL AROUND?
HE SURE IS.
AND HE REALLY
DID CALL HIS BOSS,
AND HE'S COMING HERE!
HE'S REALLY COMING!
WELL, I'M CLEANING
THE PLACE UP.
WELL, ANDY,
YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID.
THIS IS THE SORRIEST JAIL
HE'S EVER SEEN.
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT
THAT TOO MUCH, BARNEY,
COMING FROM
A TOTAL STRANGER.
STRANGER?
THAT MAN'S AN OFFICIAL.
AN OFFICIA OFFICIAL.
AND THE OFFICIAL
HE'S BRINGING IN
IS EVEN MORE OFFICIAL.
OH, BARNEY.
ANDY, DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT A WORLD
THEY CAN DO TO US
IF THEY...
BARNEY!
YOU BEAT EVERYTHING.
THE KEY WOULD HAVE TO BE
IN THE OTHER DOOR.
OH... OH...
THIS IS AWFUL.
THIS IS JUST AWFUL.
YOU THINK MAYBE
WE'D BETTER CALL?
MAYBE SOMEBODY OUTSIDE
WILL HEAR US.
MIGHT AS WELL.
HELP!
HELP!
HELP!
HELP!
OUT THERE, HELP!
HELP!
OH, MR. CASE?
MR. CASE?
WELL, HERE WE ARE AGAIN.
I GUESS YOU'RE WONDERING
WHAT WE'RE DOING IN HERE.
UH, WE WAS JUST CONDUCTING
AN EXPERIMENT
TO SEE HOW ESCAPE-PROOF
THIS JAIL REALLY IS.
AND I WANT TO TELL YOU,
WHEN THIS THING IS LOCKED,
YOU REALLY CAN'T GET
OUT OF HERE.
LOOK AT THIS.
THE FACT IS
THE DOOR SLAMMED
AND LOCKED US IN.
THERE'S A KEY IN THAT DOOR
RIGHT BEHIND YOU THERE.
IF YOU'D GET IT AND LET US OUT,
WE'D APPRECIATE IT.
SHERIFF, THIS MORNING
I THOUGHT I'D SEEN
ALL THE SHENANIGANS
THERE WERE TO SEE.
BUT... I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
ONLY ONE THING
I'M SORRY ABOUT.
THAT MY CHIEF
WASN'T HERE TO SEE IT ALL.
BUT MAYBE YOU'LL PUT ON
A SPECIAL SHOW FOR HIM?
HMM, POLKA DOT TIE.
OH, THESE...
I WAS JUST FUNNING
WITH BARNEY.
WELL, SHERIFF, YOU JUST GO
RIGHT ON FUNNING
AND WHEN MY CHIEF GETS HERE,
WHICH SHOULD BE ANY MINUTE NOW,
WE'LL ALL SIT DOWN
AND HAVE A TALK
ABOUT THE HOUSECLEANING
THAT THIS OFFICE IS IN FOR.
HOUSECLEANING?
NOW, LOOK HERE,
MR. CASE.
YOU CAN CARRY ON
AND MAKE THREATS AGAINST ME,
BUT YOU'RE SCARING
MY DEPUTY HALF TO DEATH,
AND I WISH
YOU'D STOP IT.
ANDY, PLEASE.
YOU CAN BE
INSOLENT, TOO.
VERY WELL.
IT'LL ALL BE DOWN IN HERE.
Man:
SHERIFF.
Andy:
WHAT IS IT, SAM?
YOU GOT TO COME QUICK.
IT'S LUKE REINER.
HE'S GOT HIS STILL
OPERATING AGAIN,
AND HE HEARD SOMEBODY
WAS GOING TO REPORT IT.
SO HE'S LOCKED HISSELF
UP IN HIS HOUSE,
AND HE'S SHOOTING AWAY.
WON'T LET ANYBODY
COME NEAR THE HOUSE.
THIS MAN HAS HIMSELF
BARRICADED
AND IS FIRING AT PEOPLE?
LUKE CAN BE
AWFUL MEAN.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO CALL
THE STATE POLICE FOR HELP?
I RECKON WE CAN HANDLE IT.
SHERIFF, THIS CALLS
FOR AN EXPERIENCED LAWMAN.
YEAH. COME ON,
BARNEY.
SHERIFF!
[ GUNSHOT ]
HE AIN'T JUST
KIDDING, IS HE?
NO, HE AIN'T.
HEY, LUKE!
LUKE! THIS IS
ANDY TAYLOR!
I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU.
[ GUNSHOTS ]
I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN IT.
YOU'RE TALKING TO HIM LIKE HE'D
LIKE TO HAVE A CHAT.
WE GOT TO SHOW HIM
WE MEAN BUSINESS.
YOU GOT A PORTABLE
LOUDSPEAKER?
YEAH. RIGHT HERE
IN THE TRUNK.
WE USE IT A LOT.
AT PICNICS.
YOU KNOW, CALLING RACES
AND GAMES AND SUCH.
NOW, HEAR THIS.
THIS IS INSPECTOR CASE,
STATE POLICE.
WE'VE GOT
YOU SURROUNDED.
I WANT YOU
TO DROP YOUR GUN
AND COME OUT HERE
WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
THAT MAN'S DANGEROUS,
A MANIAC.
WE'LL SMOKE HIM OUT.
GOT ANY TEAR GAS?
TEAR GAS?
AW, COME ON.
WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO?
JUST STAY HERE?
I'M JUST GIVING HIM A MINUTE
TO SIMMER DOWN.
IT'S TIME WE STOPPED
PLAYING GAMES.
MAYBERRY
TO STATE POLICE.
MAYBERRY
TO STATE POLICE.
MAYBERRY TO STA...
WHAT ARE YOU CALLING
THE STATE POLICE FOR?
TO GET THE JOB DONE.
GET EQUIPMENT IN HERE--
GUNS, TEAR GAS.
IF NECESSARY,
TO BLAST HIM OUT.
NOW, THAT ALL SOUNDS
AS BIG DEAL AS CAN BE,
BUT IT AIN'T
REALLY NECESSARY.
OH, JUST WHAT ARE YOU
PLANNING TO DO?
WELL, IF YOU'RE FINISHED
WITH ALL YOUR PROPER PROCEDURE,
I RECKON WE'LL JUST GO ABOUT
OUR BUSINESS AND ARREST
THAT FELLA
UP THERE.
MAYBERRY TO
STATE POLICE...
MR. CASE...
YOU'RE GETTING EVERYBODY
ALL HET UP OVER NOTHING.
NOW, I'M STILL THE SHERIFF HERE
AND I'M BOUND TO DO MY OWN JOB.
BUT THAT MAN'S A MENACE.
HE TRIED TO KILL ME.
YOU MEAN
WHEN HE SHOT YOUR HAT OFF?
NAW. IF LUKE HAD WANTED
TO HURT YOU,
HE'D HAVE HURT YOU.
HE CAN SHOOT THE EARS
OFF A FLY AT 40 PACES.
JUST BEING
A LITTLE CUSSED.
IF YOU'LL QUIT PLAYING
WITH THE RADIO,
I'LL JUST GO UP THERE
AND PUT A STOP TO IT.
NOW, LUKE, I WANT YOU
TO STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.
[ GUNSHOT ]
SHERIFF TAYLOR!
YOU BETTER
COME BACK HERE!
HE'S GOING TO GET
HIMSELF KILLED.
ANDY KNOWS
WHAT HE'S DOING.
[ GUNSHOTS ]
I HOPE.
[ HORN BLARES ]
MR. BRADY, I'M SURE
GLAD YOU GOT HERE.
YOU SOUNDED DESPERATE
ON THE PHONE.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
IT'S THE SHERIFF, SIR.
LOOK AT HIM.
[ GUNSHOT ]
HE'S WALKING STRAIGHT
INTO THAT GUNFIRE.
DON'T YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO CALL
THE STATE POLICE?
WAIT JUST
A MINUTE, CASE.
BUT HE'LL
GET KILLED, SIR.
YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF, LUKE,
ACTING LIKE A YOUNG'UN.
BAD ENOUGH YOU'RE SHOOTING
AT BARNEY AND ME,
BUT TAKING POTSHOTS
AT A TOTAL STRANGER?
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
ALL RIGHT.
TAKE THE PRISONER, DEPUTY.
ALL RIGHT.
BETTER LET ME HAVE
THAT RIFLE, SHERIFF.
COME ON, YOU.
LET'S GET IN THE CAR.
FOOL AROUND WITH US,
WILL YOU?
COME ON, MOVE!
HUP, HUP, HUP!
HEY! HA!
GET IN THERE!
COME ON!
LIFT THEM,
LIFT THEM!
GET IN THERE!
THAT WAS A NICE
JOB, SHERIFF.
OH, MY NAME IS BRADY--
STATE POLICE.
OH, HOW DO?
TOOK A LOT
OF COURAGE.
OH, NOT REALLY.
WE COME AND FLUSH OLD LUKE OUT
EVERY NOW AND THEN.
OH?
YEAH. [ LAUGHS ]
CASE, WHAT WAS THAT
PHONE CALL ABOUT?
WHAT'S THE COMPLAINT
HERE?
OH, YES, SIR.
I WANT TO REPORT A CHOCOLATE
BIRTHDAY CAKE WITH CANDLES,
A GUN WENT OFF,
THERE WERE DOILIES
ON THE CHAIRS,
AND HE WAS STANDING THERE
WEARING A POLKA DOT TIE...
YES. I SAW HIM.
HE HAD A BIG
POLKA DOT TIE ON,
AND HE WAS STANDING THERE...
A-AND THEN THE DEPUTY WAS...
WAS, UH...
HE HAD A, UH, UH...
OH, WELL, NEVER MIND,
MR. BRADY.
NEVER MIND.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I-I THINK THAT BOY'S
BEEN WORKING TOO HARD.
OH?
YEAH.
HE'S RIGHT CURIOUS-ACTING.
WELL, SHERIFF,
YOU CAN NOW SAY THAT YOU HAVE
A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH
FROM THE HEAD
OF THE DEPARTMENT.
OH, MUCH OBLIGED,
MR. BRADY.
SO LONG, SHERIFF.
YES, SIR.
OH, UH, COME ON, CASE.
BYE, MR. CASE.
COME BACK AND SEE US.
YES.
UH, OF COURSE.
OH, UH, MR. CASE, WHENEVER
YOU MAKE OUT YOUR REPORT,
I SURELY WOULD APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU DIDN'T MENTION
THE DOILIES IN OUR JAIL.
WELL, WE WOULDN'T WANT THE OTHER
SHERIFFS STEALING OUR DECOR.
[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]
PLAYING CHECKERS.
WITH YOURSELF?
YEAH.
WELL, HOW YOU DOING?
WON TWO AND LOST TWO.
ANY OTHER GAMES
YOU PLAY BY YOURSELF?
YEAH. I SOMETIMES PLAY MYSELF
TWO-HANDED ROB-THE-DECK CASINO.
YOU DO?
YEAH.
AND SOMETIMES
I ALSO PLAY MYSELF
A FOUR-HANDED GAME
OF PARCHEESI.
DO YOU MIND?
NO, I DON'T MIND.
THERE'S SOMETHING I WISH
YOU'D DO FOR ME, THOUGH.
WHAT'S THAT?
IF YOU WAS TO EVER PLAY YOURSELF
A GAME OF PING-PONG,
I WISH YOU'D LET ME KNOW,
BECAUSE THAT I GOT TO SEE.
YEAH, YEAH.
OKAY, ANDY.
HERE, OPEN UP
SOME OF THE MAIL.
MAYBE YOU WROTE
YOURSELF A LETTER.
NEVER KNOW WHEN
TO STOP, DO YOU?
JUST GO ON AND ON
AND ON AND ON AND ON.
IT'S KIND OF A SICKNESS
WITH YOU, I GUESS.
OH, BARNEY, I WAS
JUST PICKING AT YOU.
HEY, WE GOT A PACKAGE
FROM THE HUBACHER BROTHERS.
OH!
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
THEY'RE STILL DOING TIME
UP THE STATE PRISON.
LET'S SEE WHAT IT IS.
OH, THEY'RE IN LEATHER CRAFT.
A WALLET FOR ME
AND A BOOKMARK FOR YOU.
AW.
YOU KNOW, THEY'RE THREE OF THE
NICEST FELLAS WE EVER SENT UP.
OH, HERE'S A NOTE.
IT SAYS, UH, SAYS,
"DEAR ANDY AND BARNEY..."
SAYS,
"HI FROM STATE PRISON.
"AS YOU CAN SEE
FROM THE ENCLOSED,
"WE ARE LEARNING A TRADE.
"AS YOU PROBABLY HAVE HEARD,
WE WERE SEPARATED AWHILE
"WHEN ELMER WENT OUT
ON PAROLE.
"BUT THANK HEAVENS
HE'S BACK WITH US
AND WE'RE ALL TOGETHER
AGAIN."
THAT'S NICE.
IT IS NICE.
"YOURS TRULY,
THE HUBACHER BROTHERS.
"P.S. -- WE'RE HAVING
A WONDERFUL TIME.
WISH YOU WERE HERE.
HA HA."
[ BOTH LAUGH ]
WISH WE WAS THERE --
IN THE PRISON.
[ LAUGHS ]
YEAH.
THEY'RE FUNNY BOYS.
WE OUGHT TO DRIVE UP THERE
SOME SUNDAY AND SEE THEM.
YEAH.
[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
UH-OH.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
THIS IS FROM THE STATE
INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.
THEY'RE SENDING A MAN DOWN HERE
TO LOOK US OVER!
OH, IS THAT ALL?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
IS THAT ALL?
THAT'S JUST ROUTINE.
THEY SEND A MAN DOWN
EVERY NOW AND THEN.
IT'S NOTHING TO GET
HET UP ABOUT.
THIS MUST HAVE BEEN
LATE GETTING HERE.
SAYS HE'LL BE
COMING IN TODAY.
TODAY?!
OH, GOSH, ANDY,
WE GOT TO GET READY!
YEAH, BOY.
I GOT TO GET MY FISHING GEAR
TOGETHER
AND OIL UP
MY HUNTING GUNS.
WELL, HOW CAN YOU THINK ABOUT
FISHING AND HUNTING
WHEN THERE'S AN INSPECTOR
COMING?!
AND TODAY!
THIS IS AWFUL!
IT'S JUST AWFUL!
OH, BARNEY, NO USE TO GET
YOUR SKINNY LITTLE VEINS
TO POPPING.
IT'S JUST SAM ALLEN.
UH, SAM ALLEN?
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU WASN'T HERE WHEN
HE COME DOWN BEFORE.
SAM ALLEN-- HE'S
THE INSPECTOR.
HE'S A BUDDY OF MINE.
WE GO FISHING AND HUNTING.
IT'S MORE A SOCIAL CALL
THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
IT'S STILL AN INSPECTION,
AND WE OUGHT
TO BE READY FOR HIM.
UH! OH!
WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT?
THE CELLS WOULD HAVE
TO BE EMPTY TODAY.
NOW, HOW DOES THAT LOOK?
WELL... IT LOOKS EMPTY
IS HOW IT LOOKS.
IT SURE DOESN'T
SPEAK WELL
FOR THE LAW AROUND HERE.
I'M GOING TO GO OUT
AND GET US A PRISONER.
BARNEY, WE DON'T
NEED A PRISONER.
YES, WE DO. WE NEED ONE
TO DRESS UP THE PLACE.
ALL RIGHT, OTIS.
COME ON. LET'S GO.
I GOT ONE, ANDY.
OTIS GETS TO BE IT, HUH?
DOGGONE IT, OTIS,
YOU'RE A PRISONER.
NOW, ACT LIKE ONE.
BUT I LIKE
YOU, BARNEY.
YOU'RE MY FRIEND.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S
ALL WELL AND GOOD,
BUT YOU AIN'T
SUPPOSED TO BE
HUGGING ME WHEN
I'M ARRESTING YOU.
ANDY, TELL HIM IT
AIN'T REGULATION.
BUT HE LIKES YOU,
BARNEY.
ALL RIGHT, TAKE IT EASY, OTIS.
COME ON.
ANDY, MY OTHER
GOOD FRIEND.
YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED
TO HUG THE SHERIFF NEITHER.
BUT I LIKE YOU BOTH.
YOU'RE BOTH
MY GOOD FRIENDS,
AND I'M GLAD
TO BE WITH YOU.
THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY.
OH, AIN'T THAT NICE?
* FOR I'M A JOLLY
GOOD FELLOW *
* FOR I'M
A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... *
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I GOT DRUNK JUST SO
I COULD COME OVER HERE
TO BE WITH YOU
SO YOU COULD HELP ME
CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY.
OH, YOU DIDN'T HAVE
TO DO THAT, OTIS.
WHY, YOU WOULD HAVE
BEEN WELCOME ANYHOW.
NO, THAT'S LIKE GOING
TO A FRIEND'S STORE
AND NOT BUYING ANYTHING.
SHERIFF?
HUH?
CAN I
USE YOUR PHONE?
SURE. HELP YOURSELF.
HEY, OTIS.
IT'S, UH...
IT'S OVER HERE.
OH.
* I'M A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW
* 'CAUSE I'M
A JOLLY GOOD FELLOW... *
HELLO, SARAH?
THIS IS OTIS CAMPBELL.
HAVE THERE BEEN ANY CALLS FOR ME
ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY?
NOBODY CALLED TO WISH ME
A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
NOBODY.
ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
LET'S GET LOCKED UP.
COME ON,
IN THE CELL.
NOW, WAIT.
WAIT A MINUTE, BARNEY.
YOU CAN'T LOCK
OTIS UP TODAY.
IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY.
BUT THE INSPECTOR'S
COMING.
AND IT'S
MY BIRTHDAY.
HEY, I GOT A IDEA.
SAM'LL GET A KICK
OUT OF THIS.
HIM AND OTIS
ARE PRACTICALLY BUDDIES.
HEY, OTIS,
GUESS WHO'S COMING.
WHO?
SAM ALLEN.
HE IS?
WE'RE GOING
TO CELEBRATE YOUR BIRTHDAY.
WE ARE?
YEAH. OH,
THIS'LL TICKLE SAM.
I'LL GO GET US
A CAKE.
[ MOANS ]
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
SOMEBODY REMEMBERED MY BIRTHDAY.
HEY, BARNEY,
GUARD YOUR PRISONER.
PARTY IN A JAIL.
JIMINY.
IT'S ENOUGH TO MAKE
A LAWMAN CRY.
* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW *
* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW *
* FOR I'M A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW... *
YES? WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?
HOW DO YOU DO?
I'M FROM
THE STATE INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.
OH, WELL, WELCOME TO
MAYBERRY, MR. ALLEN.
ALLEN? I'M NOT ALLEN.
OH, I-I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU WERE FROM
THE STATE INSPECTOR'S OFFICE.
I AM, BUT MY NAME IS CASE --
RALPH CASE.
I REPLACED SAM ALLEN.
YOU... YOU... YOU
REPLACED SAM ALLEN?
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU'RE, UH, SHERIFF TAYLOR?
YEAH. NO.
NO, I'M THE DEPUTY.
BARNEY FIFE.
DON'T TELL ME
THAT'S THE SHERIFF.
WHO?
HIM.
OH, HIM?
OH, MY GOODNESS, NO.
THAT'S NOT THE SHERIFF.
WELL, WHO IS IT?
WELL... UH...
HE'S A PRISONER.
A PRISONER?
WELL...
WHAT IS THIS PRISONER DOING
OUT OF HIS CELL?
HUH?
THIS PRISONER
IS NOT IN A CELL. WHY?
WHY?
WELL...
I HAD HIM
ON A WORK DETAIL, SIR.
SHERIFF TAYLOR SAYS
TO ALWAYS KEEP
THESE PRISONERS HOPPIN'.
I GUESS I... I SORT
OF OVER-HOPPED HIM.
I HAVE TO
WATCH MYSELF.
YOU SEE, I HAVE
A TENDENCY TO GET BRUTAL.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO, OTIS.
GET THEM FEET DOWN.
LET'S GET
IN THAT CELL!
COME ON, HUT,
HUT, HEP, HAW.
AND STOP
THAT SINGING!
THIS IS A PRISON,
NOT A HOTEL.
LET'S GET IN THERE.
HA! HIYA!
HERE'S THE CAKE.
WHERE'S OTIS?
SHERIFF TAYLOR?
HOW DO?
I'LL BE WITH YOU
IN A MINUTE.
HOLD THIS.
OTIS, WHAT ARE YOU
A-DOIN' IN THERE?
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE
THE GUEST OF HONOR.
COME ON OUT HERE,
BIRTHDAY BOY.
ANDY, THIS IS
THE N INSPECTOR--
MR. CAKE... UH, CASE.
OH, HOW DO?
OH, THIS IS
OTIS CAMPBELL.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.
SAM ALLEN AIN'T COMIN'?
OH, I'M TAKING
MR. ALLEN'S PLACE.
SAM AIN'T FEELIN'
POORLY, IS HE?
HE'S ON A LEAVE
OF ABSENCE.
OH, WELL, WE'RE
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WE WERE JUST FIXIN'
TO HAVE A LITTLE PARTY.
EVERYBODY FORGOT
OTIS' BIRTHDAY.
SHERIFF?
HEY, MAYBE AFTERWARDS
WE COULD DO A LITTLE FISHIN'.
SHERIFF, I DIDN'T
COME HERE TO FISH.
WANT TO DO A LITTLE
FROG-GIGGIN'?
NOR TO GO
FROG-GIGGING.
YOU'RE NOT MUCH
LIKE SAM, ARE YOU?
APPARENTLY NOT.
EXCUSE ME.
Otis.
Get in the cell.
BUT THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY...
In, in, in, in.
PARTY POOPER.
AIN'T THEY
NICE DOILIES?
MY AUNT BEE MADE
THOSE BY HAND.
SHERIFF, I'VE INSPECTED
MANY A JAIL,
BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN
ONE LIKE THIS.
WHY, THANK YOU.
WHAT I MEAN IS, THIS JAIL
DOESN'T EVEN SEEM LIKE A JAIL.
WELL, NOW, I'M GLAD
IT HIT YOU THAT WAY.
THAT'S EXACTLY THE EFFECT
WE WAS TRYIN' TO ACHIEVE.
SOME OF OUR PRISONERS
HAVE SAID THAT OUR CELLS
ARE KIND OF LIKE A
HOME AWAY FROM HOME.
HOME AWAY FROM...
WELL, SEE, MOST
OF OUR PRISONERS
ARE FRIENDS
AND NEIGHBORS
AND DIFFERENT
ONES LIKE THAT.
AND, WELL, WE FIGURE
THEY'VE ALREADY MET
WITH SOME KIND
OF MISFORTUNE.
WE DON'T WANT
TO MAKE IT
MORE UNPLEASANT
THAN WE CAN HELP.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S AMAZING.
ABSOLUTELY AMAZING.
WHY, THANK YOU.
MUCH OBLIGED.
SHERIFF TAYLOR,
HAVEN'T YOU EVER READ
ANY TEXTBOOKS ON
PROPER PROCEDURE?
ANY SORT OF
POLICE MANUAL?
UM, NO, I CAN'T SAY
THAT I HAVE.
I-I DID USED TO TAKE
THE POLICE GAZETT THOUGH.
I HAD TO CUT IT OUT
WHEN DEPUTY FIFE
JOINED THE FORCE.
WELL, SEE, IT HAD A LOT
OF GIRLIE PICTURES IN IT,
AND BARNEY, HE'S...
HE'S NEVER BEEN MARRIED.
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
UH, BOY, IT SURE IS NICE
TO HAVE THESE BABIES AROUND.
YOUR SIDEARM,
PLEASE.
SIR?
YOUR PISTOL.
IT, UH, IS A PISTOL?
OH, YES, SIR.
THERE AREN'T ANY
BULLETS IN THIS GUN.
OH, WELL, BARNEY KEEPS
HIS BULLET IN HIS POCKET.
IN HIS POCKET?
MM-HMM.
WELL, WHY DON'T
YOU PUT IT
IN THE PISTOL,
WHERE IT BELONGS?
YES, SIR.
AW, MR. CASE, I...
[ GUNSHOT ]
ANDY, TAKE THAT THING
AWAY FROM HIM
'FORE HE KILLS US ALL.
SEE, MR. CASE, THAT'S
WHY WE'VE GENERALLY FOUND
IT BETTER IF BARNEY KEEPS
HIS BULLET IN HIS POCKET.
SEE, HE'S GOT THIS
GREASY TRIGGER FINGER.
SHERIFF TAYLOR, THIS
IS THE WORST EXCUSE
FOR A JAIL
I'VE EVER SEEN.
I'D HATE TO THINK
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF SOMETHING SERIOUS
CAME UP HERE.
IT WOULD BE
CHAOTIC, DISASTROUS!
WELL, THERE AIN'T NO USE
THINKING GLOOMY THOUGHTS.
GOLLY, LOOK ON
THE BRIGHT SIDE.
WELL, WE'LL SEE
IF THERE IS A BRIGHT SIDE.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO.
I'M GOING TO CALL MY CHIEF
AT THE STATE CAPITAL
AND HAVE HIM COME DOWN HERE
AND SEE THIS FOR HIMSELF.
WELL, WHAT FOR?
TO SEE WHETHER OR NOT
I'M RIGHT IN RECOMMENDING
THAT IMPEACHMENT PROCEEDINGS
BE STARTED AGAINST YOU
AND YOUR FORCE.
A SHERIFF'S OFFICE SHOULD BE RUN
BY THE SHERIFF AND HIS DEPUTY,
NOT THE KATZENJAMMER KIDS.
HUH.
FIRST, I DIDN'T THINK
THAT FELLA WAS SO BAD,
BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN,
HE SURE DOES HAVE
A LOT OF NASTY IN HIM.
OH, ANDY, THIS IS AWFUL,
JUST AWFUL.
I'M OUT A BULLET, AND
YOU'LL SOON BE OUT A JOB.
AND I'M OUT A BIRTHDAY PARTY.
OH, HI, OPE.
GOT HERE AS FAST
AS I COULD, PA.
HUH?
BARNEY WAS JUST
AT THE HOUSE.
HE TOLD AUNT BEE
THERE WAS AN INSPECTOR HERE
MAKING TROUBLE.
OH, LEAVE IT TO BARNEY.
HE SAID YOU MIGHT
HAVE A CHANCE
IF YOU WAS AT LEAST
IN UNIFORM.
SAID YOU NEEDED
A HAT AND A TIE.
SO I BROUGHT YOU THESE.
OH.
THEY OKAY, PA?
IT WAS ALL
I COULD FIND.
OH, I RECKON.
IS THAT INSPECTOR GONNA
MAKE TROUBLE FOR YOU?
NO.
SURE HOPE NOT, PA.
'CAUSE I THINK
YOU'RE THE BEST SHERIFF
IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
EVEN IF YOU DON'T
CARRY A GUN.
WELL, THANK YOU
FOR THAT TESTIMONIAL.
STILL, THOUGH,
IF BARNEY THINKS I OUGHT TO
KEEP UP APPEARANCES,
MAYBE I OUGHT
TO GIVE HER A TRY.
YOU RUN ALONG HOME.
OKAY, PA.
AND THANK YOU FOR THESE.
OKAY.
ANDY?
BACK HERE, BARN.
ANDY, I JUST SEEN
INSPECTOR CASE, AND HE...
OH, IT'S JUST AWFUL,
JUST AWFUL!
WHAT'S UP?
ANDY!
SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR
REPORTING FOR INSPECTION, SIR.
ANDY, WHAT'S THAT?
DIDN'T YOU GO
OVER TO THE HOUSE
AND TELL THEM TO SEND
ME A HAT AND TIE?
WELL, YES.
SO YOU'D BE IN UNIFORM.
NOT IN TRICK OR TREAT!
AW, YOU DON'T LIKE
MY HAT AND TIE?
LOOK AT THIS TIE.
SEE THEM DOTS THERE?
YOU LOOK AT THEM DOTS
AND THEN LOOK AWAY
AND YOU STILL SEE THEM.
YOU WANT TO TRY? HMM?
YOU LIKE MY HAT WITH THE BRIM UP
OR DOWN BETTER?
I GUESS DOWN FOR EVENING
AND UP FOR DAY.
NOW, LOOK, ANDY,
YOU AIN'T HEARD THE WORST.
I JUST SEEN INSPECTOR CASE
A LITTLE WHILE AGO.
IS OLD MR. NASTY
STILL AROUND?
HE SURE IS.
AND HE REALLY
DID CALL HIS BOSS,
AND HE'S COMING HERE!
HE'S REALLY COMING!
WELL, I'M CLEANING
THE PLACE UP.
WELL, ANDY,
YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID.
THIS IS THE SORRIEST JAIL
HE'S EVER SEEN.
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT
THAT TOO MUCH, BARNEY,
COMING FROM
A TOTAL STRANGER.
STRANGER?
THAT MAN'S AN OFFICIAL.
AN OFFICIA OFFICIAL.
AND THE OFFICIAL
HE'S BRINGING IN
IS EVEN MORE OFFICIAL.
OH, BARNEY.
ANDY, DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT A WORLD
THEY CAN DO TO US
IF THEY...
BARNEY!
YOU BEAT EVERYTHING.
THE KEY WOULD HAVE TO BE
IN THE OTHER DOOR.
OH... OH...
THIS IS AWFUL.
THIS IS JUST AWFUL.
YOU THINK MAYBE
WE'D BETTER CALL?
MAYBE SOMEBODY OUTSIDE
WILL HEAR US.
MIGHT AS WELL.
HELP!
HELP!
HELP!
HELP!
OUT THERE, HELP!
HELP!
OH, MR. CASE?
MR. CASE?
WELL, HERE WE ARE AGAIN.
I GUESS YOU'RE WONDERING
WHAT WE'RE DOING IN HERE.
UH, WE WAS JUST CONDUCTING
AN EXPERIMENT
TO SEE HOW ESCAPE-PROOF
THIS JAIL REALLY IS.
AND I WANT TO TELL YOU,
WHEN THIS THING IS LOCKED,
YOU REALLY CAN'T GET
OUT OF HERE.
LOOK AT THIS.
THE FACT IS
THE DOOR SLAMMED
AND LOCKED US IN.
THERE'S A KEY IN THAT DOOR
RIGHT BEHIND YOU THERE.
IF YOU'D GET IT AND LET US OUT,
WE'D APPRECIATE IT.
SHERIFF, THIS MORNING
I THOUGHT I'D SEEN
ALL THE SHENANIGANS
THERE WERE TO SEE.
BUT... I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
ONLY ONE THING
I'M SORRY ABOUT.
THAT MY CHIEF
WASN'T HERE TO SEE IT ALL.
BUT MAYBE YOU'LL PUT ON
A SPECIAL SHOW FOR HIM?
HMM, POLKA DOT TIE.
OH, THESE...
I WAS JUST FUNNING
WITH BARNEY.
WELL, SHERIFF, YOU JUST GO
RIGHT ON FUNNING
AND WHEN MY CHIEF GETS HERE,
WHICH SHOULD BE ANY MINUTE NOW,
WE'LL ALL SIT DOWN
AND HAVE A TALK
ABOUT THE HOUSECLEANING
THAT THIS OFFICE IS IN FOR.
HOUSECLEANING?
NOW, LOOK HERE,
MR. CASE.
YOU CAN CARRY ON
AND MAKE THREATS AGAINST ME,
BUT YOU'RE SCARING
MY DEPUTY HALF TO DEATH,
AND I WISH
YOU'D STOP IT.
ANDY, PLEASE.
YOU CAN BE
INSOLENT, TOO.
VERY WELL.
IT'LL ALL BE DOWN IN HERE.
Man:
SHERIFF.
Andy:
WHAT IS IT, SAM?
YOU GOT TO COME QUICK.
IT'S LUKE REINER.
HE'S GOT HIS STILL
OPERATING AGAIN,
AND HE HEARD SOMEBODY
WAS GOING TO REPORT IT.
SO HE'S LOCKED HISSELF
UP IN HIS HOUSE,
AND HE'S SHOOTING AWAY.
WON'T LET ANYBODY
COME NEAR THE HOUSE.
THIS MAN HAS HIMSELF
BARRICADED
AND IS FIRING AT PEOPLE?
LUKE CAN BE
AWFUL MEAN.
AREN'T YOU GOING TO CALL
THE STATE POLICE FOR HELP?
I RECKON WE CAN HANDLE IT.
SHERIFF, THIS CALLS
FOR AN EXPERIENCED LAWMAN.
YEAH. COME ON,
BARNEY.
SHERIFF!
[ GUNSHOT ]
HE AIN'T JUST
KIDDING, IS HE?
NO, HE AIN'T.
HEY, LUKE!
LUKE! THIS IS
ANDY TAYLOR!
I WANT TO
TALK TO YOU.
[ GUNSHOTS ]
I MIGHT HAVE KNOWN IT.
YOU'RE TALKING TO HIM LIKE HE'D
LIKE TO HAVE A CHAT.
WE GOT TO SHOW HIM
WE MEAN BUSINESS.
YOU GOT A PORTABLE
LOUDSPEAKER?
YEAH. RIGHT HERE
IN THE TRUNK.
WE USE IT A LOT.
AT PICNICS.
YOU KNOW, CALLING RACES
AND GAMES AND SUCH.
NOW, HEAR THIS.
THIS IS INSPECTOR CASE,
STATE POLICE.
WE'VE GOT
YOU SURROUNDED.
I WANT YOU
TO DROP YOUR GUN
AND COME OUT HERE
WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
THAT MAN'S DANGEROUS,
A MANIAC.
WE'LL SMOKE HIM OUT.
GOT ANY TEAR GAS?
TEAR GAS?
AW, COME ON.
WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO?
JUST STAY HERE?
I'M JUST GIVING HIM A MINUTE
TO SIMMER DOWN.
IT'S TIME WE STOPPED
PLAYING GAMES.
MAYBERRY
TO STATE POLICE.
MAYBERRY
TO STATE POLICE.
MAYBERRY TO STA...
WHAT ARE YOU CALLING
THE STATE POLICE FOR?
TO GET THE JOB DONE.
GET EQUIPMENT IN HERE--
GUNS, TEAR GAS.
IF NECESSARY,
TO BLAST HIM OUT.
NOW, THAT ALL SOUNDS
AS BIG DEAL AS CAN BE,
BUT IT AIN'T
REALLY NECESSARY.
OH, JUST WHAT ARE YOU
PLANNING TO DO?
WELL, IF YOU'RE FINISHED
WITH ALL YOUR PROPER PROCEDURE,
I RECKON WE'LL JUST GO ABOUT
OUR BUSINESS AND ARREST
THAT FELLA
UP THERE.
MAYBERRY TO
STATE POLICE...
MR. CASE...
YOU'RE GETTING EVERYBODY
ALL HET UP OVER NOTHING.
NOW, I'M STILL THE SHERIFF HERE
AND I'M BOUND TO DO MY OWN JOB.
BUT THAT MAN'S A MENACE.
HE TRIED TO KILL ME.
YOU MEAN
WHEN HE SHOT YOUR HAT OFF?
NAW. IF LUKE HAD WANTED
TO HURT YOU,
HE'D HAVE HURT YOU.
HE CAN SHOOT THE EARS
OFF A FLY AT 40 PACES.
JUST BEING
A LITTLE CUSSED.
IF YOU'LL QUIT PLAYING
WITH THE RADIO,
I'LL JUST GO UP THERE
AND PUT A STOP TO IT.
NOW, LUKE, I WANT YOU
TO STOP THAT RIGHT NOW.
[ GUNSHOT ]
SHERIFF TAYLOR!
YOU BETTER
COME BACK HERE!
HE'S GOING TO GET
HIMSELF KILLED.
ANDY KNOWS
WHAT HE'S DOING.
[ GUNSHOTS ]
I HOPE.
[ HORN BLARES ]
MR. BRADY, I'M SURE
GLAD YOU GOT HERE.
YOU SOUNDED DESPERATE
ON THE PHONE.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
IT'S THE SHERIFF, SIR.
LOOK AT HIM.
[ GUNSHOT ]
HE'S WALKING STRAIGHT
INTO THAT GUNFIRE.
DON'T YOU THINK WE OUGHT TO CALL
THE STATE POLICE?
WAIT JUST
A MINUTE, CASE.
BUT HE'LL
GET KILLED, SIR.
YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF, LUKE,
ACTING LIKE A YOUNG'UN.
BAD ENOUGH YOU'RE SHOOTING
AT BARNEY AND ME,
BUT TAKING POTSHOTS
AT A TOTAL STRANGER?
YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
ALL RIGHT.
TAKE THE PRISONER, DEPUTY.
ALL RIGHT.
BETTER LET ME HAVE
THAT RIFLE, SHERIFF.
COME ON, YOU.
LET'S GET IN THE CAR.
FOOL AROUND WITH US,
WILL YOU?
COME ON, MOVE!
HUP, HUP, HUP!
HEY! HA!
GET IN THERE!
COME ON!
LIFT THEM,
LIFT THEM!
GET IN THERE!
THAT WAS A NICE
JOB, SHERIFF.
OH, MY NAME IS BRADY--
STATE POLICE.
OH, HOW DO?
TOOK A LOT
OF COURAGE.
OH, NOT REALLY.
WE COME AND FLUSH OLD LUKE OUT
EVERY NOW AND THEN.
OH?
YEAH. [ LAUGHS ]
CASE, WHAT WAS THAT
PHONE CALL ABOUT?
WHAT'S THE COMPLAINT
HERE?
OH, YES, SIR.
I WANT TO REPORT A CHOCOLATE
BIRTHDAY CAKE WITH CANDLES,
A GUN WENT OFF,
THERE WERE DOILIES
ON THE CHAIRS,
AND HE WAS STANDING THERE
WEARING A POLKA DOT TIE...
YES. I SAW HIM.
HE HAD A BIG
POLKA DOT TIE ON,
AND HE WAS STANDING THERE...
A-AND THEN THE DEPUTY WAS...
WAS, UH...
HE HAD A, UH, UH...
OH, WELL, NEVER MIND,
MR. BRADY.
NEVER MIND.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
I-I THINK THAT BOY'S
BEEN WORKING TOO HARD.
OH?
YEAH.
HE'S RIGHT CURIOUS-ACTING.
WELL, SHERIFF,
YOU CAN NOW SAY THAT YOU HAVE
A CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH
FROM THE HEAD
OF THE DEPARTMENT.
OH, MUCH OBLIGED,
MR. BRADY.
SO LONG, SHERIFF.
YES, SIR.
OH, UH, COME ON, CASE.
BYE, MR. CASE.
COME BACK AND SEE US.
YES.
UH, OF COURSE.
OH, UH, MR. CASE, WHENEVER
YOU MAKE OUT YOUR REPORT,
I SURELY WOULD APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU DIDN'T MENTION
THE DOILIES IN OUR JAIL.
WELL, WE WOULDN'T WANT THE OTHER
SHERIFFS STEALING OUR DECOR.
[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]