The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 19 - Mayberry on Record - full transcript

* GOIN' DOWN TO CRIPPLE CREEK,
GONNA HAVE FUN *

* GOIN' DOWN TO CRIPPLE CREEK
TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN *

* ROLL UP MY BRITCHES
TO MY KNEES... *

OH, HOWDY, BARNEY.

I SEE YOU GOT
YOUR PAYCHECK THIS MONTH.

YEAH, I GOT IT.
SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT?

YES, THERE'S SOMETHING
WRONG WITH IT.

WELL, WHAT?
THIS CHECK'S MADE OUT
TO BARNEY FIFE.

IT OUGHTA BE MADE OUT
TO BARNEY SUCKER.

WHAT?
LOOK AT ALL THESE DEDUCTIONS,
AND THIS TAX.

THERE'S NOTHING LEFT,
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES.



BARNEY SUCKER, THAT'S WHO
IT OUGHTA BE MADE OUT TO.

OH, BARNEY.
THAT'S ME,
BARNEY SUCKER.

IT'S OPEN SEASON
ON BARNEY.

COME ON, EVERYBODY, LET'S ALL
TAKE A BITE OUT OF BARNEY FIFE.

NOW, COME ON.
GOOD OLD BARNEY.

HE MAKES IT, HE'S GOT IT,
LET'S TAKE IT.

NOW, BARNEY,
WOULD YOU JUST SIMMER DOWN?

NOW, THEY'RE ALL LEGITIMATE
GOVERNMENT DEDUCTIONS.

BESIDES, YOU KNOW
WHAT THEY SAY --

CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU.

WITH ME?

THEY KEEP NIBBLIN'
AT ME LIKE THIS,

I'LL BE LUCKY IF
I GET TO GO MYSELF.

ONLY THING TO DO,
I GUESS,



IS INVEST MY MONEY
IN SOME GOOD STOCK.

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING
THAT ZOOMS OVERNIGHT.

HAPPENS, YOU KNOW.

OIL STOCKS AND URANIUM.

YOU BETTER WATCH
THIS INVESTIN' BUSINESS.

WOODS ARE FULL OF CON MEN.

YOU'D BE JUST RIPE
FOR THE PLUCKIN', TOO.

ME? HEH, HEH.

NOT LIKELY,
NOT OLD EAGLE-EYE BARNEY.

NO.

WELL, NOW, I TELL YOU,

IF YOU'RE REALLY
CONSIDERIN' INVESTIN',

WHY DON'T YOU
TRY COIN COLLECTIN'?

COIN COLLECTIN'?

FOR INVESTING?

WELL, SURE.

IT'S A GOOD HOBBY,
AND YOU CAN'T NEVER TELL,

WHEN YOU'LL RUN ACROSS
A RARE OLD COIN,

MIGHT BRING YOU
A WHOLE LOT OF MONEY.

A COIN?

CUT IT OUT.

WELL, SURE.

LOOK HERE,
LOOK RIGHT HERE.

HERE. YEAH.

SEE THAT NICKEL
RIGHT THERE?

YEAH.

NOW, I PAID $10
FOR THAT NICKEL.

A MONTH LATER, FELLOW
OFFERED ME $50 FOR IT.

WOULDN'T SURPRISE ME A BIT
IF I WAS TO ADVERTISE

I'D GET, OH, A COUPLE
HUNDRED DOLLARS.

FOR A NICKEL?
YEAH.

HOW COME?

WELL, THEY MADE A MISTAKE
AT THE MINT.

LOOK RIGHT HERE.

SEE THAT BUFFALO
RIGHT THERE?

YEAH.

FACING THE WRONG WAY.

I'LL BE DARNED.

FACING
THE WRONG WAY, HUH?

YEAH.

HUH. AND THAT
MAKES IT VALUABLE?

YUP.
YEAH, I DON'T EXPECT

THERE'S MORE
THAN TWO OR THREE

IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY.

NO FOOLIN'?

AND IT KEEPS INCREASIN'
IN VALUE?

YEAH, THE FEWER THERE
ARE ON THE MARKET...

YOU SAY THERE'S ONLY TWO?

OH, TWO OR THREE
AT THE MOST.

WELL...

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

UH, YOU WOULDN'T WANT
TO SELL IT, WOULD YOU?

HMM?

YOU KNOW OF SOMEBODY
WANTS TO BUY IT?

WELL, I MIGHT BUY IT.

YOU MIGHT?

HMM.

I COULDN'T GIVE YOU
NO $200, BUT...

MIGHT GO $50.

$75?

$75'S A DEAL?

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU, ANDY.

YEAH.
HOW ABOUT THAT?

LET ME JUST COMPARE THIS
WITH A REGULAR NICKEL.

LET ME SEE THERE.

HEY, ANDY!

THE BUFFALO ON THIS NICKEL'S
FACIN' THE SAME WAY!

OH, LET ME SEE THAT.

NOW, NOW, WHICH WAY'S
THE BUFFALO FACING

ON YOUR REGULAR NICKEL?

THAT WAY.
WELL, YOU SEE, THE BUFFALO
ON THIS RARE NICKEL'S

FACING THAT WAY.

YEAH. SEE?

SEE THERE?

YEAH, YEAH.

I'LL BE DARNED.

YEAH.

HEY, NOW MINE'S
FACING THE SAME WAY!

DARN YOU, ANDY!

WELL, BARNEY, I WAS
JUST TRYING TO SHOW YOU

HOW EASY IT'D BE
FOR YOU TO GET TAKEN.

I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GOING
TO GET TAKEN BY MY OWN FRIEND,

FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES.

I'M SORRY,
LET'S JUST FORGET IT.

[ DOOR OPENS ]

HI, ANDY,
HI, BARNEY.

Andy: OH, HI, ELLIE.

THIS IS MR. MAXWELL
FROM NEW YORK.

MR. MAXWELL, THIS IS
OUR SHERIFF, ANDY TAYLOR,

AND HIS DEPUTY,
BARNEY FIFE.

OH, HOW DO YOU
DO, SIR?

HOW ARE YOU?

HOWDY.
HELLO, DEPUTY.

YOU'RE A SALESMAN,
ARE YOU?

OH, NO, NO, THIS ISN'T
A SAMPLE CASE.

THIS IS A PORTABLE
TAPE RECORDER.

MR. MAXWELL MAKES
RECORDINGS OF FOLK SONGS

ALL OVER THE WORLD.

HE MIGHT WANT
TO DO AN ALBUM

WITH SOME
OF THE PEOPLE AROUND HERE.

OH, WELL, I 'SPECT
THAT'D TICKLE EVERYBODY,

DON'T YOU, BARNEY?

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I STOPPED IN THE DRUGSTORE

TO GET A BITE TO EAT,
AND I GOT TO TALKING

TO MISS WALKER,
AND SHE SAID THAT POSSIBLY

YOU COULD STEER ME TO SOME OF
THE TALENT AROUND HERE.

OH, I WOULDN'T
BE SURPRISED.

SAY, THIS THE FIRST TIME
I EVER SEEN

ONE OF THESE DOOHICKEYS
IN THE FLESH.

HOW THEY WORK?

WELL, LET ME GIVE YOU
A DEMONSTRATION.

SHERIFF, HAVE YOU GOT
AN OUTLET AROUND HERE?

YEAH, GOOD PLACE,
RIGHT OVER HERE.

WELL, HERE'S
THE MICROPHONE.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS PLUG IT IN.

A MIKE
AND EVERYTHING.

TURN IT ON.

NOW, HERE, DEPUTY, YOU
HOLD THAT IN YOUR HAND.

NOW...

[ MACHINE STARTS UP ]

NOW, GO AHEAD,
SAY SOMETHING

RIGHT INTO
THE MIKE.

GO AHEAD,
BARNEY, SAY SOMETHING.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

[ COUGHING ]

[Woodenly] UH, T-TESTING,
ONE, TWO, HELLO?

SAY SOMETHING OFFICIAL,
SOMETHING YOU SAY

EVERY DAY AS
A DEPUTY SHERIFF.

OH, OH, YEAH,
THAT, OF COURSE.

UH...
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

UH,
MAYBERRY UNIT NUMBER ONE,

UH...
[ CLEARS THROAT ]

UH, TO ALL UNITS.

UH, ROGER AND OVER.

OVER AND, UH,
AND, OVER AND UNDER.

FOUR-TEN, TEN-FOU...

UH, BYE.

WELL, THAT'S
GOOD ENOUGH.

WELL, THAT THING
SURE TAKES

THE GUMPTION OUT
OF YOU, THOUGH.

NOW, LET'S SEE
HOW YOU SOUND.

[ REWINDING ]

THAT'S ME?

NO, THAT'S THE REWINDING
OF THE TAPE.

BEST NOT TO PLAY IT
TOO LOUD.

YOU'LL ROUND UP
EVERY HOG IN THE COUNTY.

LET'S PRESS
THIS BUTTON HERE

AND LISTEN
TO BARNEY'S REMARKS.

ALL UNITS, UH, ROGER AND...

AND OVER, OVER AND, UH,
OVER AND UNDER.

UH...

WELL, DEPUTY,
YOU JUST GOT A CASE

OF MIKE FRIGHT.

IT HAPPENS
TO A LOT OF PEOPLE.

WELL, I AIN'T
MUCH OF A TALKER.

IN MY BUSINESS, THIS BABY
DOES MY TALKIN' FOR ME.

WHY DON'T YOU SING A SONG
FOR MR. MAXWELL

AND HEAR HOW IT
COMES OUT ON TAPE?

OH, NO, I'M LIABLE
TO COME OUT

ALL "UHS" LIKE BARNEY.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL,
SHERIFF,

BECAUSE IF I MAKE AN ALBUM
AND IT SELLS,

ANYBODY WHO RECORDS FOR ME

WILL GET THE STANDARD
PERCENTAGE FEE.

YEAH?

UH, MR. MAXWELL, I DON'T
RECKON YOU'D BE INTERESTED

IN A SMALL LOCAL BAND,

BUNCH OF YOUNG FELLAS
AND MYSELF,

GOT A BANJER AND GUITARS

AND MANDOLINS
SUCH AS THAT IN IT?

OH, IT SOUNDS GREAT.
OH, WELL, GOOD, GOOD.

I'LL JUST GET ON THE PHONE
AND CALL THE BOYS UP,

AND WE'LL MEET YOU OVER HERE
AT FLOYD'S BARBERSHOP.

BARBERSHOP?
YEAH, WE PLAY IN THERE
FOR FLOYD A WHOLE LOT.

HE'S THE BARBER.

WE CALL IT
"MUSIC TO SNIP BY."

HEY, UH, MR. MAXWELL,

I -- I THINK I'M
OVER MY MIKE FRIGHT NOW.

YOU GOT ENOUGH TAPE
LEFT THERE FOR

A LITTLE "QUE SERA, SERA,
WHATEVER WILL BE, WILL BE?"

TURN IT ON.

I'M READY ANY TIME YOU ARE,
SHERIFF.

OKAY, NOW, I'VE BEEN
A-BRAGGIN' ON US A WHOLE LOT,

SO LET'S DO IT GOOD
FOR MR. MAXWELL, ALL RIGHT?

[ PLAYING BLUEGRASS MUSIC ]

* USED TO HAVE A OLD BANJO

* IT WAS ALL
STRUNG UP WITH TWINE *

* AND THE ONLY SONG YOU
COULD HEAR ME SING *

* WAS "I WISH
THAT GAL WAS MINE" *

* WHOA, MULE, YOU KICKIN' MULE

* WHOA, MULE, I SAY

* I AIN'T GOT TIME TO KISS YOU
NOW, MY MULE'S RUN AWAY *

* TOOK MY WIFE TO THE BARNYARD

* AND I SET HER DOWN TO SUPPER

* SHE GOT CHOKED
ON A TURKEY LEG *

* AND STUCK HER NOSE
IN THE BUTTER *

* WHOA, MULE, YOU KICKIN' MULE

* WHOA, MULE, I SAY

* I AIN'T GOT TIME TO KISS YOU
NOW, MY MULE'S RUN AWAY *

* FACE IS LIKE A COFFEE POT,
YOUR NOSE IS LIKE A SPOUT *

* YOUR MOUTH IS LIKE A FIREPLACE
WITH ALL THE ASHES OUT *

* WHOA, MULE, YOU KICKIN' MULE

* WHOA, MULE, I SAY

* I AIN'T GOT TIME TO KISS YOU
NOW, MY MULE'S RUN AWAY *

* WHOA, MULE, YOU KICKIN' MULE

* WHOA, MULE, I SAY

* I AIN'T GOT TIME TO KISS YOU
NOW, MY MULE'S RUN AWAY *

* WHOA, MULE, YOU KICKIN' MULE

* WHOA, MULE, I SAY

* I AIN'T GOT TIME TO KISS YOU
NOW, MY MULE'S RUN AWAY... *

[ NEXT SONG PLAYING ]

* WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN
THE WELL RUNS DRY, HONEY? *

* WHATCHA GONNA DO
WHEN THE WELL RUNS DRY, BABE? *

* WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN
THE WELL RUNS DRY? *

* SET ON THE BANK,
CRY, CRY, CRY *

* HONEY, BABY MINE

OH, I THOUGHT
THAT WAS EXTRA GOOD.

OH, ANDY, YOU AND THE BOYS
SOUNDED WONDERFUL.

DIDN'T THEY,
MR. MAXWELL?

IF THE REST OF THE FOLKS
AROUND HERE

SOUND AS GOOD AS YOU,
I'VE GOT IT MADE.

SAY, MR. MAXWELL,
ANY TIME YOU'RE READY

FOR A LITTLE "QUE SERA, SERA,"
JUST SPEAK UP.

OH, YES, DEPUTY,
THANKS, I WILL.

WELL, I GOT A LITTLE
SHERIFFIN' TO DO.

I'LL GET ON BACK
TO THE OFFICE.

NOW, YOU CALL ON THE OTHER FOLKS
I TOLD YOU ABOUT.

THANK YOU, SHERIFF.

AND THANK YOU,
MISS WALKER.

YOU'RE SO WELCOME.

BYE-BYE, BOYS.

WE'LL SEE YOU.

Man: THANK YOU,
MR. MAXWELL.

Floyd: VERY NICE,
BOYS, VERY GOOD.

NEVER BETTER.

WELL, THAT'S QUITE
A COOPERATIVE SHERIFF

YOU'VE GOT THERE.

YEAH, HE IS.

SAY, UH, TELL ME,
MR. MAXWELL,

THIS FOLK MUSIC ALBUM
YOU'RE PUTTING TOGETHER --

IS IT REALLY WORTH
ALL THE FUSS AND BOTHER?

WELL, I THINK IT IS.

AFTER EXPENSES, I HOPE
TO MAKE 25 CENTS AN ALBUM.

25 CENTS?

SOUND LIKE
CHICKEN FEED TO ME.

WELL, IT'S HARDLY
CHICKEN FEED.

DO YOU KNOW THAT IF
AN ALBUM LIKE THIS GOES OVER,

IT CAN SELL OVER
100,000 COPIES?

THAT'S $25,000
PROFIT RIGHT THERE.

OH, THIS HAS
GOOD POSSIBILITIES.

$25,000?

WELL, SUPPOSE IT SOLD
MORE THAN THAT?

SUPPOSE IT SOLD
A MILLION COPIES!

YEAH, A MILLION... WE'RE
TALKING ABOUT, WHAT'S IT?

25 CENTS, A HUNDRED THOU...

WELL, THAT'S A QUARTER
OF A MILLION DOLLARS.

YOU'RE MAKING ALL THAT MONEY
OFF OUR FOLK SONGS?

WHAT DO WE GET OUT OF IT?

WELL, THE PERFORMERS GET

THE STANDARD RATE
OF ROYALTY,

THREE CENTS A RECORD.

WHAT ABOUT US
THAT CAN'T SING

OR PLAY AN INSTRUMENT
OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

FOLK SONGS BELONG TO US
JUST THE SAME AS THE OTHERS,

AND SEEMS LIKE WE OUGHTA KINDA
SHARE IN THE PROFITS.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS?

WELL, YEAH,
IT'S ONLY FAIR.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

I'M INVESTING MY OWN MONEY
IN THIS VENTURE.

WELL, THEN, LET US
INVEST SOME MONEY.

YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO BUY
STOCK IN THE ENTERPRISE?

All: YEAH, YEAH.

OH, NO, I WOULDN'T WANT YOU
FOLKS TO RISK YOUR MONEY.

BESIDES, I HADN'T PLANNED
ON ISSUING ANY STOCK.

WELL, PLAN ON IT!
YOU CAN'T HOG

A WHOLE MILLION DOLLARS
JUST TO YOURSELF.

YEAH, I'VE BEEN LOOKING
FOR A GOOD INVESTMENT.

ME, TOO!
SO HAVE I!

GENTLEMEN,
ARE YOU SURE?

All: YEAH!

[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE ]

MARKET WAS
A LITTLE BULLISH YESTERDAY.

INDUSTRIALS UP,

UTILITIES MOVED AHEAD
IN QUIET TRADING.

CHEMICALS HELD FIRM.

MM-HMM.

WHATCHA READIN', BARNEY?

THE STOCK MARKET.

NOW I BOUGHT INTO ONE STOCK,

I MIGHT AS WELL
BUY INTO ANOTHER.

WHAT?

WELL, THE FINANCIAL PAGE
CALLS THAT "DIVERSIFYIN'".

SO, BARNEY FIFE'S GONNA
DIVERSIFY.

I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D KNOW

A WHOLE LOT ABOUT THAT,
WOULD YA?

WANT ME
TO EXPLAIN IT TO YA?

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

SEE, WHEN YOU DIVERSIFY,
WHY, YOU...

BARNEY, MAYBE
YOU BETTER EXPLAIN

SOMETHING ELSE FIRST.

DID I HEAR YOU SAY
YOU BOUGHT SOME STOCK?

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU THINKIN'
OF COMIN' IN?

IF YOU AIN'T A PLUNGER,

YOU BETTER STAY
OUT OF IT, BOY.

YOU'LL GET KILLED.

WH-WHAT WAS IT
YOU INVESTED IN?

IT WASN'T COIN COLLECTIN',
I'LL TELL YA THAT.

ALL RIGHT, NOW,
WHAT WAS IT?

I SUNK IT IN
THE RECORD BUSINESS.

YOU SUNK IT IN
THE RECORD BUSINESS?

MM-HMM.
HOW MUCH
DID YOU SINK?

40 BUCKS.

IT OUGHT TO TURN OVER
A PROFIT RIGHT QUICK.

AND WHEN IT DOES,
I DIVERSIFY.

NOW, WHEN YOU
DIVERSIFY --

BARNEY, BARNEY...

WHERE'D YOU BUY
THIS STOCK?

I BOUGHT INTO MR. MAXWELL'S
FOLK SONG ALBUM.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT MR. MAXWELL
WAS SELLIN' ANY STOCK.

WELL, HE WASN'T GOING TO,
BUT ME AND THE BOYS

OVER AT THE BARBERSHOP
TALKED HIM INTO IT.

YOU TALKED HIM INTO IT?

YEAH.

SEE, WHEN MAXWELL
ADMITTED THAT HE COULD MAKE

AS MUCH AS A MILLION DOLLARS
ON THE ALBUM,

ME AND THE BOYS, WE SHAMED HIM
INTO LETTIN' US BUY IN.

[ CHUCKLING ]

TRIED TO TALK
HIS WAY OUT OF IT,

BUT WE CORNERED
HIM GOOD.

BARNEY, YOU KNOW
YOU JUST FELL

FOR THE OLDEST SLICKER GAME
IN THE WORLD, DON'T YA?

YOU DON'T SEE IT,
DO YA?

WELL, IT'S LIKE
THEY SAY.

STOCK MARKET'S WHERE YOU
SEPARATE THE MEN FROM THE BOYS.

I'LL SEE YA, BOY.

LET ME KNOW NEXT TIME YOU COME
ACROSS ONE OF THEM RARE NICKELS

WITH THE BUFFALO FACIN'
THE WRONG WAY.

I SHOULD HAVE SOLD HIM
THAT NICKEL.

THEN AT LEAST HE'D OWN SOMETHIN'
WORTH A NICKEL.

I DON'T SEE
ANYTHING WRONG

WITH PEOPLE INVESTING
IN HIS ALBUM.

IF HE SELLS IT TO
A BIG RECORD COMPANY,

WE ALL STAND
TO MAKE A PROFIT.

WE ALL STAND?

ELLIE, YOU --
YOU DIDN'T...

WELL, YES, I DID!

OH, COME ON, NOW.

DON'T TELL ME YOU FELL FOR
THAT CON GAME OF HIS TOO.

ARE YOU IMPLYING MR. MAXWELL
IS DISHONEST?

I'M NOT IMPLYING ANYTHING.

I JUST SAY, WHEN YOU SEE
A WEASEL'S TRACKS,

LOCK UP YOUR HENS.

MR. MAXWELL
IS NO WEASEL!

HE SOUNDED PERFECTLY SINCERE TO
ME WHEN HE FIRST WALKED IN HERE,

AND I STILL HAPPEN
TO BELIEVE HIM.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND AS IF
I'M STUPID AND GULLIBLE.

OH, NO, NOW, ELLIE,
AIN'T NO REASON FOR YOU

TO GET YOUR
PIN FEATHERS RUFFLED.

DON'T I -- DON'T I GET
A LITTLE WHIPPED CREAM?

OH, GOODY.

NOW, NOW, NOW, NOW,
TAKE IT EASY.

I JUST WANT TO EAT IT,
I DON'T WANT TO CLIMB IT.

YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF, ANDY,

STARTING SUSPICIOUS RUMORS
ABOUT MR. MAXWELL.

WELL, I'M JUST
DOING MY JOB,

PROTECTING THE FOLKS
HERE IN MAYBERRY.

THAT'S MY DUTY AS SHERIFF,
YOU KNOW.

YOU WOULDN'T BE A LITTLE BIT
JEALOUS OF HIM, WOULD YOU?

JEALOUS! WELL,
WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS?

HI, PAW!
HI, MISS ELLIE!

OH, HI, OPE.
HI, HONEY.

ELLIE --
LOOKS GOOD, PAW.

WELL, FINE,
HOP UP AND HAVE SOME.

NOW, LOOK, ELLIE, I DIDN'T COME
IN HERE TO START A FIGHT.

I SUPPOSE YOU THINK I'M IN
CAHOOTS WITH MR. MAXWELL.

IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?

I DON'T THINK
ANY SUCH THING!

WHAT ARE YOU TWO
SPATTING ABOUT?

NOTHING, EAT YOUR SUNDAE.

TELL HIM, ANDY, TELL HIM
HOW SUSPICIOUS YOU ARE,

HOW YOU DON'T
TRUST ANYBODY.

I TRUST PEOPLE.

SHE JUST WON'T
LISTEN TO REASON.

I'LL LISTEN TO REASON,
BUT YOUR FATHER

CAN'T GIVE ME
A SINGLE GOOD ONE.

OF COURSE I CAN,
I'M JUST TRYING TO

TELL HER TO BE
CAREFUL OF A STRANGER.

THE STRANGER HAPPENS TO BE
A PERFECTLY TRUSTWORTHY MAN.

BUT SHE DON'T KNOW THAT.
I HAVE NO REASON
TO MISTRUST HIM.

SHE'S GOT NO REASON
TO TRUST HIM.

I HAPPEN TO KNOW AN HONEST
FACE WHEN I SEE ONE.

HOW'D YOU GET INTO THIS?

I DON'T KNOW,

I JUST CAME IN TO HAVE
SOME OF YOUR SUNDAE.

[ PLAYING BLUEGRASS MUSIC ]

[ MUSIC ENDS ]
[ CLICK ]

OH, THAT WAS WONDERFUL,
BOYS, JUST WONDERFUL.

THEY'RE GREAT,
SHERIFF.
I'M GLAD YOU LIKE 'EM.

IT'S JUST THE KIND OF MUSIC
I WAS LOOKING FOR,

AUTHENTIC, AND I'VE GOT YOU
TO THANK FOR IT, SHERIFF.

UH, YEAH.

WE APPRECIATE YOU
LETTIN' US

PLAY FOR YOU,
MR. MAXWELL.

WELL, THANK YOU.
WE SURE APPRECIATE
YOU LETTING US

BUY STOCK IN YOUR
RECORDING COMPANY, TOO.

WELL, LET'S HOPE IT WORKS
OUT WELL FOR ALL OF US.

WELL, THANKS AGAIN, BOYS.

THAT'LL BE ALL
FOR TONIGHT.

Andy: SEE YA, BOYS.

NIGHT, ANDY.
NIGHT, NOW.

YOU, UH,
FIGURE THESE TAPES

GONNA REALLY AMOUNT
TO SOMETHIN', DO YA?

WELL, I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.

RIGHT NOW THE MARKET FOR
FOLK MUSIC IS AT ITS HEIGHT,

AND I HAVE HIGH HOPES
THAT THIS PROJECT

IS REALLY GOING TO
TAKE ME PLACES.

OH.
SAY, SHERIFF,

ALMOST EVERYONE
AROUND HERE

HAS INSISTED ON
BECOMING A PARTNER.

DON'T YOU WANT TO
COME IN, TOO?

OH, NO, NO, NO.

I GUESS I'M JUST
NOT A PLUNGER.

I WAS PUSHIN' HIM
PRETTY HARD LAST NIGHT

WHEN I GOT HIM TO ADMIT
THAT HE'S GONNA ROUND UP

EVERYTHIN' HE CAN GET HERE,
AND THEN IT'S BYE-BYE, MAYBERRY

AND BYE-BYE
YOUR MONEY, TOO.

OH, THAT DON'T
MAKE SENSE, ANDY.

WHY SHOULD HE LET ON TO YOU,
THE SHERIFF, THAT HE WAS

INTENDIN' TO SKIP TOWN
WITH OUR MONEY, HUH, WHY?

YEAH, WHY? WHY?

HE-HE-HE DIDN'T EXACTLY
LET ON TO ANYTHING.

IT'S JUST I CAN SEE THROUGH
ALL THAT FAKE HONESTY.

HE EVEN TRIED TO
SELL ME SOME STOCK,

BUT I TURNED HIM
DOWN FLAT.

WELL, IF YOU'RE THAT
SUSPICIOUS OF THIS FELLA,

WHY DON'T WE JUST CALL HIM

AND HAVE OURSELVES
A LITTLE TALK WITH HIM?

THAT'S A GOOD IDEA,
FLOYD.

EXCUSE ME.

HELLO, SARAH?
THIS IS OFFICIAL.

GET ME THE HOTEL
RIGHT AWAY.

[Quietly]
BARNEY FIFE.

WE'LL SEE JUST HOW MUCH
GROUNDS YOU HAVE

FOR SUSPECTIN' HIM, ANDY.

IF YOU ASK ME,
WITH YOU,

I THINK IT'S JUST
A CASE OF SOUR GRAPES.

YEAH, HE-HELLO,
JASON?

RING ME MR. MAXWELL'S
ROOM RIGHT AWAY.

[Quietly]
BARNEY FIFE.

JUST PLAIN SOUR GRAPES,
THAT'S ALL IT IS.

WE'RE ALL IN THIS THING
BUT YOU AIN'T, SO YOU JUST --

HEL-- WHAT?
WHA--

WHAT'D YOU SAY,
JASON?

OH.

WHAT IS IT, BARNEY?

MR. MAXWELL CHECKED OUT
THIS MORNING.

[GASPS]
HE SKIPPED!

WHAT?

Man: WE BEEN TOOK!

ANOTHER BUFFALO
POINTIN' THE WRONG WAY.

ALL -- ALL RIGHT,
SERGEANT.

IF YOU WAS TO SPOT HIM,

I'D 'PRECIATE IF
YOU'D LET ME KNOW.

ALL RIGHT, YES.

WELL, HE'S NOT
IN RALEIGH.

NOW, WHERE IN THE WORLD
COULD MAXWELL HAVE

DISAPPEARED TO
IN SIX HOURS?

WELL, YOU'D BETTER GET HIM,
HE'S GOT OUR MONEY!

ALL RIGHT, QUIET!
QUIET DOWN, EVERYBODY!

NOW, THIS IS
LAWMAN'S WORK.

WE'LL GET HIM.

WE'LL PUT OUT
AN ALL POINTS BULLETIN.

WE'LL SET UP ROADBLOCKS
EVERYWHERE.

I'LL GET HIM.

I'LL TRACK HIM DOWN
IF IT TAKES FOREVER.

AND THEN I'M GONNA BRING HIM IN
ALIVE, ANDY.

BECAUSE THIS BOY'S MINE.

[ ALL TALKING ANGRILY ]

[ MEN YELLING ]

LET'S DO SOMETHING NOW.

WE WANT ACTION!

WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE
SATISFIED, SHERIFF.

YOU'VE INCITED
THIS ENTIRE TOWN

AGAINST MR. MAXWELL.

HE DID THE INCITIN'
WHEN HE LEFT.

BUT YOU STILL DON'T KNOW
THAT HE'S DONE ANYTHING WRONG.

ANYTHING WRONG?

HE STOLE $40 OF MINE!

OH, STOP IT.

HE DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING.

YOU GAVE IT TO HIM
TO INVEST.

HE TOOK OFF
WITH OUR MONEY.

HE SKIPPED TOWN!
HE STOLE IT!

BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE WON'T BE BACK?

WE'RE WASTIN'
TIME TALKIN', SHERIFF.

LET'S GET
ON WITH IT.

[ MEN YELLING ]

HOLD, HOLD, HOLD ON.

NOW, I KNEW THERE WAS
SOMETHING PHONY

ABOUT THE FELLA
JUST TO START WITH,

BUT YOU WAS ALL SO ANXIOUS
TO THROW YOUR MONEY AWAY,

YOU WOULDN'T LISTEN
TO ANYBODY.

NOW, LET'S JUST QUIET DOWN
AND SEE IF WE

CAN'T HANDLE THIS
IN AN ORDERLY WAY.

WE WANT OUR MONEY BACK!

[ ALL YELLING ]

WE'LL GET HIM.

MISS WALKER.

MR. MAXWELL...

WHY, I HEARD
YOU'D LEFT TOWN.

I DID. I WENT TO RICHMOND.

BUT I'M BACK WITH GOOD NEWS.

HERE. LOOK AT THIS.

I SOLD THE ALBUM
TO NATIONAL RECORDS.

THAT'S THE SIGNED CONTRACT.

AND HERE'S THE LITTLE SOMETHING
THAT GOES WITH IT.

A CERTIFIED CHECK
FOR... $5,000?

THAT'S JUST
THE ADVANCE PAYMENT.

THIS IS WONDERFUL.

JUST WONDERFUL!

ISN'T IT?
NO, I MEAN IT'S MORE
WONDERFUL THAN YOU KNOW.

WOULDN'T YOU LIKE
TO REPORT THIS

TO YOUR STOCKHOLDERS?

I KNOW WHERE THEY
HAPPEN TO BE RIGHT NOW.

OH, GOOD.

SAY, CAN YOU IMAGINE
THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES?

YES, I CAN JUST IMAGINE.

COME ON.

NOW, HE COULD HAVE TAKEN
THIS ROAD RIGHT HERE

TO GET UP TO
THE STATE HIGHWAY.

BUT YOU'RE TALKIN'
ABOUT CARS!

[ ALL ARGUING ]

ALL RIGHT,
NOW, COME ON!

YOU FELLAS ARE INTERFERIN'
WITH POLICE OPERATIONS.

NOW GET!

GO ON,
GET OUTTA HER!

LET US DO
SOME WORK!

GO ON!

INTERFERIN'
WITH POLICE...

[ GASPS ]

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, FLOYD?

IT'S HIM, MAXWELL.

WHAT?
HE'S COMIN' THIS WAY.

THE KILLER RETURNS TO
THE SCENE OF THE CRIME, HUH?

THIS OUGHT TO
BE INTERESTIN'.

EVERYBODY JUST
ACT NATURAL.

Andy: WELL,
MR. MAXWELL.

DIDN'T EXPECT TO
SEE YOU SO SOON.

NO, WE DIDN'T.

WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
NEITHER DID I.

COME BACK FOR MORE MONEY,
DID YOU?

WELL, MONEY WAS ONE OF
THE REASONS I CAME BACK.

HERE, SHERIFF,
READ THIS.

OH, I DON'T HAVE TO.

WHY, I'M SURE
THE PEOPLE AROUND HERE

IS PLEASED WITH THE WAY
YOU LET 'EM INVEST THEIR MONEY.

THEY'RE JUST CHAMPIN' AT THE BIT
TO PUT IN MORE, AIN'T YA, BOYS?

SURE!
YEAH!

BUT, SHERIFF, DON'T YOU EVEN
WANT TO LOOK AT THE CONTRACT?

OH, I DON'T HAVE TO.

THERE AIN'T NO REAL NEED.

WHY, THE FOLKS
AROUND HERE TRUST YOU.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT, BOYS?

I MUST SAY THIS IS
ONE OF THE FANCIEST

OUTFITS I EVER DID SEE --
GOT ALL THE "WHEREASES"

AND THE "HERETOFORES"
AND THE "THERETOS"

AND THE NATIONAL RECORD...

NATIONAL RECORDS?!

Ellie: THEY BOUGHT
OUR FOLK SONG ALBUM.

SHOW HIM THE CHECK,
MR. MAXWELL.

OH, YES, OF COURSE.

Ellie: WHAT'S
THE MATTER, ANDY?

A CAT GOT YOUR TONGUE?

I'LL READ IT.

"CERTIFIED $5,000."

CERTIFIED?

CERTIFIED?
CERTI...

FIVE THOU--

Maxwell: THAT'S
OUR FIRST DIVIDEND.

MISS WALKER CAN
PUT IT IN THE BANK.

AND NOW, GENTLEMEN,
I'M GOING UP TO NEW YORK

TO GET OUR ALBUM ROLLING.

AND YOU OWE IT ALL HERE
TO YOUR SHERIFF.

HUH?

WELL, AFTER ALL,
YOU WERE THE ONE

WHO STEERED ME TO ALL THAT
TALENT, AND THE NUMBERS

YOU DID WITH THE BAND
TURNED OUT TO BE VERY BIG.

WELL, NOW I BETTER GET
OUR COMPANY MOVING.

IN THE MEANTIME,
I'LL SEND YOU MONTHLY REPORTS

AND YOUR DIVIDEND CHECK,
OF COURSE.

THANKS AGAIN, SHERIFF.

BYE!
BYE, MR. MAXWELL!

AND TO THINK
IT ALL HAPPENED

BECAUSE OF
OUR SHERIFF.

DON'T YOU THINK
HE DESERVES

A NICE, BIG
PAT ON THE BACK?

OH!

OH, IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL,
ANDY!

BARNEY'LL LIKE THAT.

HE'S A STOCKHOLDER,
YOU KNOW.

SHH.

HE'S DIVERSIFYIN'.