The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 17 - Alcohol and Old Lace - full transcript

Sisters Jennifer and Clarabelle Morrison give Andy and Barney the locations of a still the lawmen haven't had any luck tracking down on their own, and another they don't even know about. After arresting the lawbreakers and smashing up their stills, POW, POW, POW, the lawmen are congratulating themselves for getting rid of moonshining in Mayberry when Otis staggers in drunk. Otis refuses to tell where he got the liquor so Andy and Barney are making plans to mount a posse when Opie tells them about the "flower-making machine" he saw in the Morrison sisters' hothouse. Turns out the sisters were just getting rid of competition so they could raise the price of their own "elixir."

WELL, THERE WE GO,
SHERIFF.

FLOYD!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

MY SIDEBURNS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOUR SIDEBURNS?

THEY'RE BOTH EVEN.

THEY'RE BOTH EVEN?

WELL, I'LL BE DOGGED!
HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?

WELL, I DECLARE, FLOYD,

I BELIEVE YOU'RE
GETTING THE HANG OF IT.

THEY'RE THE RIGHT LENGTH
AND EVERYTHING.



I KNOW JUST WHAT...

I'VE GOT
A BETTER IDEA...

IF WE ALWAYS...

THERE YOU ARE, SEE.

NOW I'LL CUT 'EM JUST LIKE
THAT ALL THE TIME, LOOK.

RIGHT HERE,
RIGHT HERE.

THAT'LL BE
YOUR MARK, ANDY.

I APPRECIATE THAT, FLOYD.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT I CALL
PERSONALIZED SERVICE.

HOW ABOUT
A LITTLE WITCH HAZEL?

WHY NOT?

SHERIFF! I SURE AM
GLAD I FOUND YOU.

BOY, HAVE I BEEN DOING
SOME DETECTING.

HAVE YOU REALLY?



YOU WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT IT?

WELL, WAIT, WAIT,
FLOYD, FLOYD, FLOYD.

BEING IN PUBLIC OFFICE
AND ALL

I DON'T DARE
GET TOO ADORABLE.

ANDY, LISTEN!

WAIT A MINUTE.

IF YOU GOT A LITTLE
TALCUM POWDER

I CAN USE A
LITTLE OF THAT.

WHAT IS IT, BARNEY?

YOU KNOW THAT STILL
WE'VE BEEN SUSPECTING?

UP AT HAWK'S POINT?

I JUST COME THAT CLOSE
TO KNOCKING IT OVER.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I, I COULDN'T
FIND IT.

HOW'D YOU KNOW
IT WAS THAT CLOSE?

I SEEN OTIS CAMPBELL
WALKING UP THE ROAD

TOWARDS HAWK'S POINT
AND HE SEEMED FINE.

ABOUT AN HOUR LATER, I SEEN HIM
COMING BACK ON THAT ROAD.

THIS TIME
HE WAS WEAVING, SINGING

AND THROWING KISSES
TO THE WORLD.

YOUR NOT BEING A LAW MAN

THAT WOULDN'T MEAN
A WHOLE LOT TO YOU.

BARNEY, YOU MIGHT HAVE
JUST PINPOINTED

THE AREA WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

YOU REALLY THINK SO?

I WOULDN'T
BE SURPRISED.

LET'S GET UP THERE
AND SPREAD OUT A DRAGNET.

WAIT A MINUTE, HERE.

I GOT AN OBLIGATION TO FLOYD.

IT'S FINE TO
CATCH A MOONSHINER,

BUT IT STILL AIN'T RIGHT
TO LEAVE THE BARBER

UNTIL HE'S OFFICIALLY
REMOVED THE TOWEL.

AW, MAKE IT
SNAPPY, FLOYD!

I JUST KNOW
THAT STILL'S OUT THERE.

OH, THERE'S THE SHERIFF.

GOOD!
LET'S GO IN.

JENNIFER!

YOU WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME YET.

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU?

A LADY NEVER GOES
INTO A BARBER SHOP.

I'M SORRY, CLARABELLE.

I KEEP FORGETTING.

IT'S JUST THE ODOR
OF WITCH HAZEL DRAWS ME.

JENNIFER, YOU HAVE GOT
TO CONTROL YOURSELF.

BUT WE'VE GOT TO TELL
THE SHERIFF WHAT WE KNOW.

WELL, WE WILL.

WE'LL WAIT OUTSIDE
FOR HIM.

MORNING, LADIES...
MISS JENNIFER, MISS CLARABELLE.

ANDY, WHAT A
PLEASANT SURPRISE.

YEAH, HOW ABOUT THAT.

YOU JUST GOT
A HAIRCUT,
DIDN'T YOU?

WELL, YES, MA'AM,
I DID.

I CAN SMELL
THE WITCH HAZEL.

JENNIFER.

UH, DID YOU LADIES
BY ANY CHANCE

WANT TO TALK TO ME?

WELL, YES, IN
YOUR OFFICIAL CAPACITY.

OH, WELL,
IN THAT CASE...

THERE, I GUESS
I'M OFFICIAL.

ME, TOO.
WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?

WELL, WE KNOW THE
WHEREABOUTS OF
A MOONSHINE STILL.

WELL, WE APPRECIATE
THAT, LADIES

BUT I'M AFRAID
YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE.

WE ALREADY KNOW
ABOUT THAT STILL.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY
TO HAWK'S POINT NOW

TO KNOCK IT OVER.

BUT IT ISN'T
AT HAWK'S POINT.

NOWHERES NEAR.

AIN'T THAT
CUTE, ANDY?

THEM TRYING TO TELL
US WHERE IT IS?

LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO
I WAS THAT CLOSE TO IT.

BUT WE SAW IT.

THE WAY I SPOTTED HER

I SEEN OTIS CAMPBELL
STAGGER DOWN THE ROAD...

BARNEY.

AS A TRAINED...

BARNEY.

CRIME DETECTOR, I...

BARNEY.

I BELIEVE
MISS CLARABELLE

SAID SOMETHING WE
SHOULD LISTEN TO.

WHAT WAS THAT
AGAIN?

I SAID, WE SAW THE STILL
WITH OUR OWN EYES.

I BELIEVE THAT'S CLOSER
THAN YOU WAS, BARNEY.

WELL, IT IS IF.

NOW, ARE YOU SURE
YOU REAL SAW IT?

OH, YES. IT WAS UP
ON COUNCIL FLAT.

THE MAN'S NAME
IS BEN SEWELL.

HE OWNS A POTATO FARM ABOUT
HALF A MILE DOWN ASH ROAD.

HE WAS WEARING
BLUE OVERALLS

A BROWN FELT HAT,
A RED PLAID SHIRT,

AND HE WAS POURING AND
CORKING THE BOTTLES HIMSELF.

WELL, ANDY, WE CAN'T
GO TRAIPSING OFF

ON FLIMSY INFORMATION
LIKE THAT.

WELL, NOW, AFTER
ALL, DEPUTY FIFE

WE ARE SERVANTS
OF THE PEOPLE.

AND WHEN TWO
RESPECTABLE CITIZENS
LIKE THE LADIES HERE

REPORT A CRIME, WHY, IT'S
OUR DUTY TO ACT ON IT.

LADIES, I WANT YOU
TO KNOW THE LAW THANKS YOU.

WE LIKE TO SEE
JUSTICE DONE.

DON'T THINK WE'RE
OLD-FASHIONED, SHERIFF

WE BELIEVE A BODY HAS
A RIGHT TO A NIP, NOW AND THEN.

BUT IT SHOULD ALWAYS BE
FOR AN OCCASION

IS WHAT WE BELIEVE.

COME, JENNIFER.

JENNIFER!

BYE!

BLESS HER HEART.

IF THIS TIP PANS OUT

I BELIEVE I'LL GET HER

A BOTTLE OF WITCH HAZEL
ALL TO HERSELF.

THERE IT IS, BARNEY.

THE MORRISON SISTERS IS RIGHT.

THAT SURE IS OLD BEN,
AND HE SURE IS RUNNIN' A STILL.

YOU KNOW WHAT
I BET HAPPENED?

I BET HE SEEN

I WAS CLOSIN' IN ON HIM
UP AT HAWK'S POINT

AND QUICK AS A FLASH

HE MOVED THE WHOLE SHEBANG
OVER HERE.

I GUESS YOU DON'T BET
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED, HUH?

WELL, WHAT'S
THE DIFFERENCE?

MAIN THING IS,
WE GOT HIM.

YEAH, WELL, LET'S, UH,
LET'S, UH...

LET'S GO IN SHOOTIN'.

NOW, EASY, BARNEY.

THAT'S OLD BEN, HE'S
A FRIEND OF OURS.

THEY AIN'T NO CALL
TO GO SHOOTIN' AT OLD BEN.

WE'LL JUST MOVE IN
AND TAKE HIM EASY, LIKE.

COME ON.

HOWDY, BEN!

I SAY, BEN,
YOU GOT COMPANY!

WE...

DON'T GO SHOOTIN'
AT OLD BEN, HUH?

WELL, AIN'T THAT BETTER
THAN HIM SHOOTIN' AT OLD US?

EASY, BARNEY.

HEY, BEN!

IT'S ME,
ANDY TAYLOR!

AND ME,
BARNEY FIFE!

YOU BETTER GIVE UP, BEN!

OR I'M GONNA COME IN
AND GET YA!

OH, ANDY?
THAT'S YOU AND BARNEY?

COME ON, GLAD TO SEE YA.

I'M SORRY
I SHOT AT YA, BOYS.

I THOUGHT YOU'S THE LAW.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS,
A BOY SCOUT BADGE?

I MEANT MEAN LAW,
FEDERAL MEN, REVENUERS.

OH...

HEY, HOW
'BOUT A NIP?

I GOT SOME AGED STUFF
BACK YONDER

NEAR THREE WEEKS OLD.

YEAH, WELL,
I APPRECIATE IT, BEN.

THAT SOUNDS AWFUL GOOD,
BUT I'M AFRAID WE'RE ON DUTY.

YOU ARE?

YEAH, WE'RE MAKIN'
AN ARREST.

SURE ENOUGH?
WHO YOU ARRESTIN'?

YOU.

ME?

WHAT WOULD YOU BE
ARRESTIN' ME FOR?

YOU KNOW RUNNIN' A STILL
IS AGAINST THE LAW.

SURE IT IS

AGAINST THE FEDERAL LAW,
BUT YOU'RE LOCAL LAW.

NOW, BEN, IT'S AGAINST
THE LAW PERIOD.

THIS IS A DRY COUNTY

AND I'M SUPPOSED
TO KEE IT THAT WAY.

OH, ANDY!

I WANT TO
WARN YOU, PRISONER,

ANYTHING YOU SAY'LL
BE HELD AGAINST YOU.

LET'S TAKE HIM IN,
SHERIFF.

LET'S GO, BEN.

AND SO, LADIES, THE MAYBERRY
SHERIFF'S OFFICE

OFFICIALLY THANKS YOU

FOR YOUR VALUABLE
INFORMATION AND COOPERATION

IN THE APPREHENDING OF
THE VIOLATOR, BEN SEWELL.

WELL, WE WERE GLAD
TO HELP, SHERIFF.

ANYWAYS, WE WANTED
TO LET YOU KNOW

YOU CAN REST EASY NOW 'CAUSE
ME AND SHERIFF TAYLOR

HAS WIPED OUT MOONSHINING
IN THIS COUNTY FOR GOOD.

OH, I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU DON'T?

NO.

DO WE, JENNIFER?

NO, INDEED.

WE HAVE REFERENCE
TO THE STILL

THAT RUBE SLOAN IS OPERATING
AT FURNESS CRICK.

RUBE SLOAN IS
OPERATING A STILL?

THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS
THING I EVER HEARD OF.

HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT,
ANYWAYS?

OH...WE TAKE WALKS,
AND WE SEE THINGS.

WELL, THEY WAS RIGHT
ABOUT BEN SEWELL.

MAYBE WE'D BE SMART
TO PAY OLD RUBE A VISIT.

MUCH OBLIGED TO YOU,
LADIES.

WELL, WE BETTER GET
ON WITH BUSINESS.

'BYE.

'BYE.'BYE.

'BYE.

WELL, SHALL WE GET
BACK TO OUR WORK, JENNIFER?

OH, BY ALL MEANS,
CLARABELLE.

ALL RIGHT, HALT.

TURN AROUND.

REACH.

BARNEY, YOU ALREADY
FRISKED HIM TWICE.

I KNOW, ANDY.
WE CAN'T BE TOO CAREFUL.

WITH TWO MOONSHINERS
IN HERE,

THERE'S LIABLE TO BE
A JAIL BREAK.

TWO MOONSHINERS?

BEN SEWELL!

SO IT WAS YOU
TIPPED 'EM OFF!

YOU NO-GOOD --

Andy:
HEY, RUBE, RUBE, RUBE!

RUBE, THAT ROUGH STUFF
DON'T GO IN HERE!

WE DON'T ALLOW IT!

BEN!

NOW, THE FACT IS, NEITHER ONE
OF YOU TOLD ON THE OTHER.

THEN HOW COME YOU KNOW
ABOUT US?

WELL, NOW, I'M AFRAID
THAT'S SOMETHING

I CAN'T TELL YOU, RUBE.

NO, IT WOULDN'T DO
TO TELL YOU THAT.

BARNEY, HOW ABOUT
YOU TELL US?

ARE YOU JOSHING?

YOU KNOW IT'S AGAINST
THE CODE OF THE LAWMAN

TO DIVULGE HIS SOURCE
OF INFORMATION.

WILD HORSES COULDN'T
DRAG THAT OUT OF ME.

WAS IT FRANK WATKINS?

RUBE, DON'T EVEN TRY.

LES PETERSON.

YOU'RE JUST WASTING
YOUR BREATH.

WELL, WILL YOU TELL ME
IF I GUESS RIGHT?

YOU AIN'T GONNA GET
NOTHIN' OUT OF ME,

NOT A WORD,
NOT A SIGN.

JOE RICHARDS.

LET'S SEE, NOW, THERE AIN'T
BEEN ANYBODY ELSE

UP MY PLACE LATELY, 'CEPTIN'
THOSE MORRISON SISTERS AND --

THE MORRISON SISTERS!

THAT'S WHO IT WAS,
WASN'T IT?

AHA! IT WAS
THE MORRISON SISTERS!

DARN YOU, RUBE SLOAN!

YEAH, THEY WAS
THE ONES, RUBE.

THEM NOSY BIDDIES.

WELL, I CAN TELL YOU
ONE THING, RUBE.

MAYBERRY'D BE A WHOLE LOT
NICER TOWN TO LIVE IN

IF WE HAD MORE FINE, HONEST,
UPRIGHT CITIZENS

LIKE CLARABELLE AND JENNIFER
MORRISON.

YES, SIR.

THAT'LL BE $4, OTIS.

$4?

I CAN GET IT
FROM BEN SEWELL FOR $3.

NO, INDEED.
I DON'T THINK SO.

WHY NOT?

HE'S IN THE JAIL.

SHERIFF PUT HIM THERE
THIS MORNING.

WELL, I'LL GET IT
FROM RUBE SLOAN.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,
SHERIFF CATCH HIM, TOO?

SHERIFF TAYLOR IS
RIGHT ON THE JOB.

RIGHT ON THE JOB!

WHY DON'T HE SPEND HIS TIME
PUTTING DOWN CRIME

INSTEAD OF DESTROYING
GOOD LIQUOR?

HOW COME YOU DIDN'T
GET CAUGHT, TOO?

WHY, OTIS CAMPBELL,

YOU KNOW
WE'RE NOT LIKE THEM.

THEY SELL MOONSHINE
FOR DRINKING PURPOSES

AND THAT IS WRONG.

WE SELL ELIXIR
FOR CELEBRATIONS.

AND FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

BY THE WAY,
JUST WHAT OCCASION

YOU BUYING THIS FOR?

UH, UH, WELL, UH, UH...
I... MY...

NO OCCASION, NO NIPPING.

BU-BU-BU... AH, DA, UM...

DO YOU, DO YOU KNOW, UH...

DO YOU KNOW WHAT DAY

SIR WALTER RALEIGH
FIRST LANDED IN VIRGINIA?

NO.

TODAY'S THE DAY.

WELL, I GUESS
WE COULD CALL THAT

A SPECIAL OCCASION,
CLARABELLE.

OH, WELL, I SUPPOSE SO.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

OTIS...

MIND YOU JUST
DON'T USE THAT

FOR PLAIN DRINKING NOW.

HAPPY SIR WALTER RALEIGH
LANDING DAY!

* WELL, I'M GOING DOWN THAT ROAD
FEELING BAD, LORD *

* YES, I'M GOING DOWN THAT ROAD
FEELING BAD *

* YES, I'M GOING DOWN THAT ROAD
FELLING BAD, LORD, LORD *

* AND I AIN'T GOING BE TREATED
THIS A-WAY *

* WELL, THEY FEED ME
ON CORNBREAD AND PEAS, LORD *

* FEED ME
ON CORNBREAD AND PEAS *

* YES, THEY FEED ME ON
CORNBREAD AND PEAS, LORD, LORD *

* AND I AIN'T GONNA BE TREATED
THIS A-WAY *

* OH, DOWN IN THE JAIL
ON MY KNEES, LORD *

* DOWN IN THE JAIL ON MY KNEES

* DOWN IN THE JAIL ON MY KNEES,
LORD, LORD *

* AND I AIN'T GONNA BE TREATED
THIS A-WAY **

HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT, BOYS?

ANDY, WHEN ARE WE
GETTING OUT OF HERE?

OH... YOU DON'T LIKE MY SINGING?

WELL, I GUESS IT JUST TAKES SOME
FOLKS LONGER TO GET USED TO IT

THAN IT DOES OTHERS.

YOU JUST STAY AWHILE,
AND IT'LL GROW ON YOU.

WE GOT TO STAY IN HERE
TILL WE LIKE YOUR SINGING?

WELL...

WE LIKE IT, WE LIKE IT!

IS THAT FROM THE HEART?

MM-HMM!
MM-HMM!

WELL, I RECKON 48 HOURS
IS ABOUT ENOUGH TIME.

I RECKON WE CAN JUST LET 'EM OUT
ON PROBATION, ALL RIGHT, DEPUTY?

YEAH.

OKAY.

WE'LL SEE YOU, RUBE.

WRITE IF YOU GET WORK.

DON'T RECKON THESE FELLAS
CAN DO ANY HARM

NOW THAT THEIR STILLS
IS OUT OF COMMISSION.

YOU MEAN YOU SMASHED 'EM?

TO SMITHEREENS!

TOOK A GREAT, BIG AX
AND POW! POW! POW!

WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?

WHY, I MADE THAT STILL
WITH MY OWN HANDS.

SHE WAS MY MASTERPIECE.

OH, WELL, NOW, I'M,
I'M SORRY, BEN

BUT THE LAW SAYS
IF WE FIND A STILL,

IT'S OUR DUTY
TO BUST HER UP.

AND THAT'S WHAT WE DONE.

TOOK A GREAT, BIG AX
AND POW! POW! POW!

MAYBE THERE'S A LITTLE PIECE
OF COPPER TUBING LEFT

TO SORT OF REMEMBER HER BY.

NOT EVEN THAT.

WE'VE CLAMPED THE LID ON
MOONSHINING IN MAYBERRY,

AND IT'S GONNA STAY CLAMPED,
RIGHT, SHERIFF?

RIGHT, DEPUTY.

AND DON'T TRY
TO START UP AGAIN

BECAUSE WE'LL JUST BE BACK
WITH OUR AX

AND POW! POW! POW!

UH... I BELIEVE HE GOT
THE MESSAGE, BARNEY.

YEAH, WELL, I HOPE SO.

WE'LL SEE YOU, BEN.

WELL, MOONSHINING'S
DEAD IN MAYBERRY.

HOWDY, SHERIFF.

THERE'S MY FINE.

DON'T FORGET
TO WAKE ME UP MONDAY.

THAT'S THE BEGINNING
OF NATIONAL POTATO WEEK

AND I WANT TO CELEBRATE.

HE'S BEEN DRINKING!

YEAH, I'D, I'D SAY THAT.

WELL, WHERE'D HE GET IT?

WE CLAMPED THE LID DOWN.

WELL, DEPUTY FIFE,

I GUESS THAT LID WE CLAMPED

HAS JUST SPRUNG A LEAK.

BYE!

A HAPPY
MOHAMMED'S BIRTHDAY!

I HAD NO IDEA THERE WERE
SO MANY MOSLEMS IN MAYBERRY.

I COULD HAVE SWORN
LARS HANSEN WAS A LUTHERAN.

JUST SHOWS,
IF IT WASN'T FOR THEIR HOLIDAYS

YOU'D NEVER KNOW.

WELL, SPEAKING OF HOLIDAYS

DON'T YOU THINK WE'D BETTER
MAKE UP ANOTHER BATCH?

WE WON'T HAVE ENOUGH ELIXIR
FOR NATIONAL POTATO WEEK.

NOW, THAT'S REAL GOOD THINKING,
JENNIFER.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A GOOD HEAD
ON YOUR SHOULDERS.

IF ONLY YOU WEREN'T
SO BOY-CRAZY.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

WE'LL MAKE SOME MORE MASH
RIGHT NOW.

WHY, OPIE!

OPIE TAYLOR,
YOU COME OUT OF THERE.

WHAT YOU
DOING HERE?

I WANTED TO ASK A FAVOR

BUT PA SAYS
I SHOULDN'T BOTHER PEOPLE.

WHAT IS IT, OPIE?

WELL, I GUESS IT DOESN'T HAPPEN
WHEN YOU'RE NICE LADIES,

BUT WHEN YOU'RE
A BAD BOY IN SCHOOL

YOU SURE GET IN TROUBLE.

THE TEACHER GETS
REAL MAD AT YOU.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN THE TEACHER GETS REAL MAD?

YOU DON'T GET TO PLAY
BALL DURING RECESS.

OH, THAT'S AWFUL.

WHAT CAN WE
DO TO HELP?

WELL, IF I WAS TO BRING
THE TEACHER SOME PRETTY FLOWERS

MAYBE SHE'D GET UN-MAD.

AND YOU GOT
THE PRETTIEST FLOWERS IN TOWN.

WELL, YOU JUST
HELP YOURSELF.

TAKE ALL YOU WANT TO.

ONLY, JUST DON'T BOTHER
TO GO INTO THE HOTHOUSE.

THOSE ARE SPECIAL FLOWERS

YOU WOULDN'T
WANT TO BOTHER WITH.

COME ON, JENNIFER.

THE TROUBLE I'M IN
WITH MISS JOHNSON

I COULD USE SPECIAL FLOWERS.

ALL RIGHT, OTIS,
NOW, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.

YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU
GOT THE STUFF OR ELSE.

COME ON, TELL!

NOW, OTIS, I MEAN BUSINESS.

YOU TELL ME WHERE YOU
GOT THAT MOONSHINE.

WHEREVER YOU GOT IT

IT SURE STAYS WITH YOU
A LONG TIME, DON'T IT?

YOU MIGHT JUST
AS WELL GIVE UP, BARNEY.

I AIN'T A-GONNA TELL.

ANDY, YOU TALK TO HIM.

WELL, NOW, BARNEY,

I DOUBT THAT OTIS
IS GONNA DO ANY TALKING.

HE SEEMS MIGHTY SET
ON NOT HELPING US.

I WISHED I COULD, ANDY.

BUT IT'S A MATTER OF ETHICS.

US TOWN DRUNKS
HAVE A CODE WE LIVE BY.

WELL, I GUESS WE GOT
TO RESPECT A MAN'S CODE.

MIGHT AS WELL
LOCK HIM UP, BARNEY.

WE'LL HAVE TO FIND
THAT STILL BY OURSELVES.

COME ON, OTIS.

SAY, LISTEN, OTIS...

OTIS, COULDN'T YOU
JUST GIVE US A LITTLE HINT?

YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING.

JUST POINT US
IN THE GENERAL DIRECTION.

WHAT DO YOU SAY,
OTIS, OLD BUDDY?

STUBBORN MULE!

LOOK WHAT I GOT!

OH, HI, OPE,
THEY'RE PRETTY FLOWERS.

I GOT 'EM
FROM THE MORRISON SISTERS.

THAT'S NICE. WHY
DON'T YOU JUST
TAKE 'EM ON HOME?

THEY'RE FOR THE TEACHER.

TAKE 'EM
TO YOUR TEACHER, THEN.

BUT I WANT A NICER VASE
THAN THIS OLD JAR.

IT SMELLS FUNNY.

Andy:
THERE'S A VASE

IN THE BACK ROOM
THAT YOU CAN HAVE.

YOU JUST TAKE THAT
AND DON'T BOTHER ME.

THANKS, PA.

ALL RIGHT.

NICE FLOWERS.

YEAH.

BARNEY, LOOK HERE.

WE'RE JUST GONNA

HAVE TO COMB
THE ENTIRE AREA.

MAYBE DEPUTIZE
A FEW FELLAS

IF YOU CAN FIND
A FEW NON-DRINKERS.

FULL-SCALE OPERATION,
I'D SAY.

WHERE YOU RECKON
WE OUGHT TO START?

AIN'T NO USE
IN GOING OVER
TO COUNCIL FLAT.

WE ALREADY GOT
BEN'S STILL OVER THERE.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT, UH...

WHAT ABOUT, UH, FANCY GAP?

YEAH...

YEAH, THERE'S A...

THERE'S A LOT OF HOLES
AND HOLLERS AROUND THERE

A FELLA'D HIDE...
HIDE SOMETHING IN.

AIN'T THEY PRETTY, PA?

YEAH, THEY'RE NICE.

THE MORRISON SISTERS
GROW NICE FLOWERS.

YEAH, AND I KNOW WHY, TOO.

THEY GOT
A FLOWER-MAKING MACHINE.

Andy:
NOW, BARNEY,
I BELIEVE WE'LL DEPUTIZE

ALDERMAN ROE
AND REVEREND AKIN

AND A FEW NON-DRINKERS

LIKE THAT WHILE WE...

A FLOWER-MAKING MACHINE?

SURE, THEY GOT IT
IN THEIR HOTHOUSE.

I SEEN IT.

OPIE, I BELIEVE
YOU'RE MISTAKEN.

MACHINES DON'T
RAISE FLOWERS.

THAT'S
MOTHER NATURE'S JOB.

WELL, THEY GOT
A MACHINE TO HELP.

THAT'S CUTE, HUH?

FLOWER-MAKING MACHINE.

Andy:
HEY, OPIE...

WHAT DOES THE MACHINE LOOK LIKE?

WELL, IT'S A BIG,
ROUND COPPER POT

WITH A FIRE UNDER IT,

AND THERE'S A PIPE THAT CURLS
ROUND AND ROUND LIKE THIS

AND RUNS INTO A LITTLE BUCKET.

BYE, PA.

THAT DON'T SOUND LIKE
A FLOWER-MAKING MACHINE TO ME.

SOUNDS MORE LIKE A STILL.

EVERYBODY KNOWS
THE BIG, ROUND COPPER POT

WITH A FIRE UNDER IT
AND A LOT OF COIL...

YOU KNOW
WHAT THAT SMELLS LIKE?

SMELLS A LITTLE BIT
LIKE LIQUOR, DON'T IT?

OH, LADIES,
YOU CERTAINLY
HAVE BEEN NAUGHTY.

NAUGHTY?! CRIMINALS
IS WHAT THEY ARE, SHERIFF!

THEY'RE CRIMINALS!

NOW, EASY,
BARNEY.

WHY, WE AREN'T
THE CRIMINALS.

IT'S THE MOONSHINERS
ARE THE CRIMINALS.

THEY BEEN
SELLING IT

FOR DRINKING
PURPOSES.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
PEOPLE DO WITH YOURS?

SOAK IT IN BREAD AND EAT IT?

OUR ELIXIR IS SOLD

ONLY FOR CELEBRATIONS
AND SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

UH, WHAT KIND OF OCCASIONS?

OH, YOU KNOW, CHRISTMAS AND
NEW YEAR'S AND FOURTH OF JULY...

AND THERE ARE
A LOT OF OTHER OCCASIONS, TOO.

THERE'S NATIONAL POTATO WEEK,
THAT'S COMING UP.

AND THERE'S PANAMA CANAL DAY
AND BASTILLE DAY.

YOU SEE, NATIONAL POTATO WEEK
AND PANAMA CANAL DAY

AND BASTILLE DAY
AND ALL OF THOSE

WELL, THEY'RE NOT,
THEY'RE NOT WHAT YOU'D CALL

LEGALLY RECOGNIZED HOLIDAYS.

AND THIS BOOZE YOU BEEN SELLING
AIN'T LEGALLY RECOGNIZED, EITHER

SO I GOT TO TAKE THIS AX
AND POW! POW! POW!

SHERIFF, YOU MEAN
THOSE MEN ALL LIED TO US

JUST TO BUY OUR ELIXIR?

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND THEY'VE BEEN BUYING

NOT FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS,

BUT JUST FOR PLAIN GUZZLING?

YES, MA'AM.

LORD...

CAN YOU IMAGINE?

WELL, SHERIFF, I GUESS
THE ONLY THING TO DO

IS GO RIGHT AHEAD,
DO YOUR DUTY.

POW, POW, POW?

WAIT JUST A MINUTE,
BARNEY.

LADIES, MISS CLARABELLE,
MISS JENNIFER...

WELL, I GUESS IT'S ALL RIGHT
TO HAVE A LITTLE TASTE.

AFTER ALL, IT IS
NATIONAL STILL-SMASHING DAY.

MORNING, LADIES.

YOU, UH, LOOKING
FOR ME?

YES, SHERIFF, WE CAME
TO TELL YOU

ABOUT OUR NEW BUSINESS.

AND TO GIVE YOU
A FREE SAMPLE.

UH, NEW BUSINESS?

YOU DIDN'T PUT THAT STILL
TOGETHER AGAIN, DID YOU?

OH, MY, NO, BUT,
YOU SEE, WE HAD

ALL THE BERRIES
AND THE JARS,

AND, WELL, WE DECIDED
TO PUT UP PRESERVES.

PRESERVES IS GOOD FOR
CELEBRATING OCCASIONS, TOO.

YES, WE LEFT A JAR INSIDE
WITH BARNEY,

AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS.

AW, WELL, THANK YOU KINDLY,
LADIES.

AND I'M HAPPY THAT YOU SAW
THE ERROR OF YOUR WAYS

AND THAT YOU'RE
IN A RESPECTABLE,

UPSTANDING BUSINESS NOW.

THANK YOU.
BYE.

BYE.
BYE.

WELL, BARNEY,
I SEE YOU'RE TRYING

THE MORRISON SISTERS'
PRESERVES.

YOU KNOW, I BELIEVE

THESE IS JUST ABOUT
THE BEST PRESERVES I EVER ATE.

BARNEY, I GOT A FEELIN'

THEIR REHABILITATION
AIN'T QUITE COMPLETE.