The Andy Griffith Show (1960–1968): Season 1, Episode 16 - The Beauty Contest - full transcript

HOWDY, FLOYD.

HEY, WHAT DO YOU
GOT THERE?

WELL, IT'S GETTIN' CLOSE
TO FOUNDER'S DAY AGAIN.

CAN I PUT YOU DOWN

FOR A LITTLE AD
IN THE PROGRAM?

HAVE I GOT A CHOICE?

WELL, IT'S FOR
A GOOD CAUSE.

UH, I'LL MAKE IT
THE USUAL:

"COMPLIMENTS OF
FLOYD'S TONSORIAL PARLOR."

IS THAT ALL RIGHT?

WELL, I KINDA THOUGHT
THIS TIME, ANDY



THAT I'D LIKE
TO ADD SOMETHING

A LITTLE SLOGAN.

YEAH?

I MADE IT UP MYSELF.

"BEST CLIP JOINT IN TOWN."

THAT'S CLEVER.

OH, I JUST
WANTED TO

LIVEN UP THE
FESTIVITIES.

WHAT'S IT GONNA BE
THIS YEAR, ANDY

THE USUAL STREET DANCE?

OH, YEAH,
WE'LL HAVE A STREET DANCE

AND THE BOOTH SALES

AND THE PIE-EATIN' CONTEST

AND THE WHITE ELEPHANT SALE



AND FREE WATERMELONS,
SUCH AS THAT.

SURE DO WISH WE COULD
THINK UP A NEW IDEA

FOR THE GRAND FINALE, THOUGH.

I DECLARE,
FOLKS ARE GETTIN' TIRED

OF THE MAYOR'S WIFE
RIDIN' OUT ON THAT HORSE

AND SINGIN'
ALL THAT OPERA STUFF.

WELL, IT'S NOT BAD.

IT AIN'T?
I DECLARE

IF YOU WASN'T LOOKIN'

YOU COULDN'T TELL

WHETHER IT WAS
HER SINGIN'

OR THE HORSE WHINNYIN'.

OH, WHY...
HELLO, MAYOR.

WELL, I GUESS
I BETTER GET BACK

TO, UH, COLLECTIN'.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE,
HOLD ON THERE.

EVERYBODY CERTAINLY IS LOOKIN'
FORWARD TO YOUR WIFE'S SONG.

WELL, I'M NOT.

YOU MEAN, UH...

YOU'D LIKE
A NEW GRAND FINALE, TOO?

ANDY, IF SHE RIDES
OUT ON THAT HORSE

AND LIGHTS INTO HOLLERIN'
ONE MORE TIME

I'M GONNA BUST A GUSSET.

HOW WOULD YOU
LIKE TO BRING THAT UP

AT THE COUNCIL MEETIN'
THIS AFTERNOON?

NOT ONLY WOULD I LIKE TO,
I INSIST.

WELL, I'LL SEE YA THEN.

GOOD LUCK AT HOME.

OOP! I'VE GOT IT!

HOW ABOUT FIREWORKS?

THAT ALWAYS MAKES FOR
A SLAM-BANG FINISH.

SAY, THAT'S
A TERRIFIC IDEA, FLOYD.

THAT'S THE BEST IDEA
WE'VE HAD YET.

THANK YOU.

THERE'S JUST
ONE PROBLEM, MAYOR.

IF WE USE
THE FIREWORKS NOW

WON'T THAT TAKE
THE EDGE OFF

THE FOURTH OF JULY
CELEBRATION?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT WOULD TAKE IT OFF.

NO, BAD IDEA, FLOYD.

WELL, IF YOU DON'T
LIKE THAT IDEA

I GOT ANOTHER IDEA.

DO YOU KNOW HOW
WE ALWAYS DO A PAGEANT

SHOWING THE FOUNDING
OF MAYBERRY?

WELL, HOW ABOUT
WITH THAT

WE ALSO HAVE
A BEAUTY PAGEANT?

BEAUTY PAGEANT--
YOU MEAN, WITH GIRLS?

UH, WELL, THEY HELP.

[ LAUGHING ]

WELL...

Andy:
WELL, THAT SOUNDS
PRETTY GOOD.

THAT SOUNDS
REAL CUTE.

IT'S AN OUTSTANDING
IDEA, YEAH.

Ellie:
THAT WOULD BE
KIND OF FUN.

THAT'S THE BEST IDEA YET,
A BEAUTY PAGEANT.

THAT'S A BRILLIANT IDEA, FLOYD.

THEN IT'S AGREED,
WE'LL HAVE A BEAUTY PAGEANT

TO SELECT A "MISS MAYBERRY."

YEAH, THAT'S GOOD.

FINE, FINE.
AND NOW WE GET DOWN

TO THE IMPORTANT MATTER
OF SELECTING A JUDGE.

AND I'M SURE YOU'LL ALL AGREE

HE MUST BE FAIR-MINDED,
IMPARTIAL

AND A MAN OF SOUND JUDGMENT.

I KNOW JUST
THE MAN, MAYOR.

A MAN WHO IS SINGLE

AND THEREFORE CAN BE
COMPLETELY IMPARTIAL.

A MAN WHO CAN APPRECIATE
TRUE BEAUTY.

A MAN OF SENSITIVITY,
TASTE, MATURE JUDGMENT.

I HEREBY NOMINATE
SUCH A MAN--

SHERIFF ANDY TAYLOR.

[ AGREEING ENTHUSIASTICALLY ]

THAT'S THE MAN FOR IT!

THAT'S THE ONE RIGHT THERE!

WELL NOW, FOLKS

I MEAN, I DON'T THINK
I'M QUALIFIED.

GOLLY, I, I THINK
ALL GIRLS ARE BEAUTIFUL.

[ ALL LAUGHING ]

WELL, MISS WALKER

I CERTAINLY DO WANT
TO THANK YOU

FOR THAT NOMINATION.

THAT WAS MIGHTY GENEROUS.

DON'T MENTION IT,
SHERIFF.

IT'S NO MORE
THAN YOU DESERVE.

JUST HOPE IT WON'T
BE TOO OBVIOUS.

WHAT?

IT DON'T HAVE TO BE, THOUGH.

YOU JUST DO THE RIGHT THING
WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

LOOK SURPRISED.

WHAT?!

JUST LIKE YOU'RE
DOING RIGHT NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT?

OH, COME ON NOW, ELLIE.

NOW, YOU CAN FOOL THE MAYOR
AND THE REST OF 'EM

BUT I KNOW WHAT
YOU HAD IN MIND.

AND IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT,
I'LL PICK YOU.

UH, JUST A MINUTE.

ARE YOU IMPLYING
THAT I SUGGESTED YOU

AS JUDGE FOR
THE BEAUTY CONTEST

IN ORDER TO MAKE ME
THE WINNER?

YEAH, YEAH. NOW,
IF ANYBODY ASKS YOU

SAY IT JUST LIKE THAT!

AND YOU THINK THAT'S
WHY I NOMINATED YOU?

OF ALL THE NERVE.

OF ALL THE UNMITIGATED GALL!

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IF YOU THINK
THAT'S WHY

I SUGGESTED YOU
AS JUDGE

YOU'VE GOT LESS BRAINS
THAN I GAVE YOU CREDIT FOR

YOU HORRID,
SUSPICIOUS-MINDED

MISTRUSTFUL, CYNIC!

OH, THAT WAS A GOOD STORY,
ELLIE.

TELL ME ANOTHER ONE.

I HAD NO INTENTION OF
ENTERING THAT BEAUTY CONTEST,

AND EVEN IF I DID,

THE MERE IDEA
THAT I WANTED YOU JUDGE

IN ORDER TO MAKE ME
THE WINNER

IS THE LOWEST, MEANEST, FOULEST
ACCUSATION I EVER HEARD.

AND YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED
OF YOURSELF

FOR EVEN THINKING SUCH A THING,
JUDGE TAYLOR!

ELLIE, I --

GIRL REALLY DOES TELL
SOME FUNNY STORIES.

AND I THOUGHT I WAS DOING
THE RIGHT THING, AUNT BEE,

BUT, GOLLY, SHE TURNED ON ME
LIKE A SWARM OF GEESE.

OH, WELL, ANDY, EVEN IF A THING
LIKE THAT WAS TRUE,

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
SAID ANYTHING TO HER.

WHERE IS YOUR TACT?

SHE STILL HAD NO REASON

TO GET SO HOPPIN' MAD.

WELL, BETTER GET HER
INTO THE CONTEST

OR YOU'LL HAVE A TIME

FINDING A LIKELY
MISS MAYBERRY.

HOW DO I DO THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT JUST DOESN'T
SEEM RIGHT

ELLIE NOT BEING
IN A BEAUTY CONTEST

SUCH A PRETTY GIRL.

I NEVER PASSED UP ONE
WHEN I WAS HER AGE.

GOSH, AUNT BEE,
I BET IF THIS CONTEST

WAS THREE OR FOUR YEARS AGO,
YOU COULD WIN IT.

OH, NOW, OPIE, COME ALONG.

[ KNOCKING AT DOOR ]

WONDER WHO THAT CAN BE?

I DON'T KNOW.

WHY, HENRIETTA SWANSON

WHAT BRINGS YOU OVER HERE
AT THIS HOUR?!

OH, HELLO, JUDGE!

[ LAUGHING
PLEASANTLY ]

OH, I JUST CAME OVER

TO BORROW
A CUP OF SUGAR.

YOU WALKED CLEAR ACROSS
TOWN JUST FOR THAT?

OH, WE DIDN'T MIND.

"WE"?

COME IN, DARLENE.

DARLENE,
YOU WALK IN

AND GET THE SUGAR.

YES, MAMA.

DARLENE, THE KITCHEN'S
RIGHT THROUGH THAT DOOR

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
GROPIN' FOR.

WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH HER, PAW?

OH, I DON'T KNOW, OPIE.

GUESS SHE'S JUST ONE
OF THOSE GIRLS

THAT'S GOT A PECULIAR HITCH
IN HER GIT-A-LONG.

HENRIETTA, WHY DON'T
YOU SIT DOWN?

WELL, YEAH,
YOU MUST BE TIRED

WALKIN' CLEAR ACROSS TOWN

FOR A CUP OF SUGAR.

OH, I NEVER GET TIRED
WHEN I'M OUT WALKIN'

WITH MY AWARD-WINNIN'
DAUGHTER.

AWARD-WINNIN'?

SHE'S BEEN GOING
TO MISS WELLINGTON'S

SCHOOL FOR GIRLS--
IN RALEIGH.

OH!

SHE WAS VOTED

"YOUNG LADY MOST LIKELY
TO BECOME CHARMIN'."

WELL, SAY, BECOMIN' CHARMIN'

NOW THAT IS SOMETHING
TO LOOK FORWARD TO, AIN'T IT?

WE THINK MISS WELLINGTON'S
DONE WONDERS FOR DARLENE.

DO YOU KNOW, AT THE AGE OF 19
SHE'S LOST ALL HER BABY FAT?

I NOTICED THAT.

I NOTICED THAT RIGHT OFF

WHEN SHE COME IN
THROUGH THE DOOR THERE.

I SAYS TO MYSELF, I SAYS,
"THAT DARLENE'S KNEES

AIN'T NEAR AS PUFFY
AS THEY USED TO BE."

MAMA, I FOUND
THE SUGAR.

OH, ISN'T
SHE CHARMIN'?

I CAN'T HARDLY
STAND IT.

OH, I JUST HAPPENED
TO THINK.

AS LONG AS WE'RE HERE

WE MIGHT AS WELL
SIGN DARLENE UP

FOR THE CONTEST.

WELL, NOW,
THE MAYOR'S DOIN' THAT.

I'M JUST THE JUDGE.

OH, THEN WE'LL GO
SEE THE MAYOR.

COME ALONG, DARLENE.

MAMA, DO WE STILL HAVE
TO TAKE THE SUGAR?

COME, DEAR.

WHY, BARBARA SUE!

HELLO, ANDY!

HERE'S THE PEAT MOSS
YOU ORDERED

FROM MY DADDY'S STORE.

SINCE WHEN DID YOU
START DELIVERIN'?

I JUST HAPPENED TO BE
PASSING BY.

AND I THOUGHT
I'D SAVE DADDY A TRIP.

WELL!

WELL, THAT'S MIGHTY NICE,
BARBARA SUE.

HERE, LET ME TAKE IT.

OH, IT'S NOT HEAVY.

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE IT?

IN THE SHED--
IT'S THROUGH THE KITCHEN.

OH, ALL RIGHTY.

WELL, I CAN'T GIVE HER MUCH
FOR PRETTY, BUT, I DECLARE

I GOT TO GIVE HER POINTS
FOR MUSCLES.

WELL, THAT'S TWO CONTESTANTS.

CAN'T BRAG ON
EITHER ONE OF 'EM, MUCH.

I KNOW WHO OUGHT TO WIN

IF YOU WANT TO CHOOSE
THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN TOWN.

WHO?

MARY WIGGINS.

MARY WIGGINS?

SHE'S THE PRETTIEST GIRL
IN THE FIRST GRADE.

OH, SHE IS?

YEAH, SHE'S GOT FRECKLES
AND BRAIDS

AND A BANDAGE ON HER KNEE
AND A TOOTH OUT

AND ALL THE BOYS
IN THE FIRST GRADE

ARE CRAZY ABOUT HER.

I CAN UNDERSTAND,
SHE SOUNDS WOW.

I THINK YOU BETTER

GET ELLIE
IN THIS CONTEST.

IT'LL SOLVE ALL
OF YOUR PROBLEMS.

[ RINGS ]

HELLO?

YES, MA'AM,
YOU HEARD RIGHT.

I'M A-JUDGIN' IT.

I STILL SAY,
GET ELLIE.

UH, YES, MA'AM.

YOU OUGHT TO
LOOK AT MARY WIGGINS

BEFORE YOU TURN HER DOWN.

[ KNOCKING AT DOOR ]

THERE'S ANOTHER ONE.
GET ELLIE!

WHAT ABOUT MARY, PAW?

IS THIS THE WAY
IT'S GONNA TO BE?

LORD, WHAT DID I GET INTO?

YES, MA'AM.

YES, YES, MA'AM.

WELL, I DON'T CARE

IF YOU VOTED FOR ME
FOR SHERIFF, OR NOT.

I'LL NOT PROMISE TO CROWN
YOUR DAUGHTER MISS MAYBERRY.

JUST ENTER HER IN THE CONTEST.

EVERYBODY'S ELIGIBLE, YOU KNOW.

NO, MA'AM.

IF YOUR DAUGHTER'S WORTHY

I'LL PICK HER.

IF NOT, I WON'T.

IF YOU'LL 'SCUSE
ME, I'M KINDA BUSY.

THERE'S MORE TO SHERIFFIN' THAN
JUST JUDGIN' A BEAUTY CONTEST.

'BYE, MA'AM.

THAT'S THE 14th CALL
I'VE HAD TODAY

ONLY ONE'S BEEN
SHERIFFIN' BUSINESS.

NOT TO MENTION A PARADE
OF PROUD MAMAS

COMIN' IN WITH
THEIR LITTLE DARLIN'S ALL DAY.

NOW, DON'T YOU LET 'EM
PUSH YOU AROUND, ANDY.

YOU'RE THE JUDGE.

YOU MAKE UP YOUR OWN MIND.

MY WIFE AND I WERE JUST TALKING.

"ANDY'S GOT TO MAKE A FREE,
FAIR CHOICE," WE SAID.

WELL, NOW, THAT'S A BREATH OF
FRESH AIR, I CAN TELL YOU THAT.

YOU WON'T GET ANY PRESSURE
FROM US.

WE DON'T CARE WHICH
OF OUR DAUGHTERS YOU PICK.

WELL, NOW THAT LEAVES THE FIELD
WIDE OPEN, DON'T IT?

WHY NOT? I GOT FAITH
THAT YOU'LL MAKE A GOOD CHOICE.

YOU'RE A GOOD MAN,
YOU GOT THE JOB.

DON'T LET 'EM

PUSH YOU AROUND.

MAYOR!

YOU'RE THE ONE.

YOU GOT IT.

TAKE CARE OF IT.

SARAH? SARAH, GET ME
WALKER'S DRUG STORE.

JUDGIN' A BEAUTY CONTEST.

I MUST OF BEEN OUT
OF MY EVER LOVIN' MIND.

UH, ELLIE, ELLIE.

THIS IS ANDY.

UH, ELLIE, FIRST,
I WANT TO SAY

THAT, THAT I'M SORRY
FOR ACCUSING YOU UNJUSTLY.

NOW, I APOLOGIZE FOR THAT

AND, SECOND, I WISHED YOU'D
CHANGE YOUR MIND

ABOUT ENTERING
THIS BEAUTY CONTEST.

'CAUSE IT'LL MAKE IT
A WHOLE LOT EASIER

FOR ME TO PICK A WINNER

AFTER SOME, SOME OF THE
CANDIDATES I'VE SEEN.

AND THIRD, HELLO?

HELLO?

WELL, THANKS A LOT,
MISS LADY DRUGGIST.

NOW, YOU JUST WAIT TILL
YOU WANT A FAVOR FROM ME

AND SEE IF I COME
AND HELP YOU OUT.

OH, 'BYE, ELLIE.

WELL, MISS...
MISS BISHOP.

HELLO, ANDY.

ANDY, WE'VE BEEN FRIENDS
FOR A LONG TIME.

COULD I TALK TO YOU?

WELL, CERTAINLY.

IT'S ABOUT
THAT BEAUTY CONTEST.

UH, MISS BISHOP, YOU
DON'T WANT ME TO PICK YOU

MISS MAYBERRY, TOO, DO YOU?

FOR GOODNESS SAKE,
ANDY, NO.

I THOUGHT I COULD HELP.
HELP OUT?

I'VE DONE IT IN THE PAST.

I COULD HELP PUT ON
THE FOUNDER'S DAY PAGEANT

I COULD MAKE COSTUMES
AND ALL KINDS OF THINGS.

WELL, MISS BISHOP, THAT IS
A REAL GENEROUS OFFER.

HELLO, ANDY.

OH, HOWDY, FLOYD.

I'M GOING TO DO MY PART
FOR FOUNDER'S DAY.

I'M GOING
TO WRITE A SONG.

A SONG?

A SPECIAL SONG
TO BE SUNG TO MISS MAYBERRY.

WELL, FLOYD, I THINK
THAT'S A OUTSTANDIN' IDEA.

WELL, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.

AND I'VE ALREADY THOUGHT UP
THE FIRST TWO LINES.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

HAIL TO THEE

MISS MAYBERRY.

FLOYD, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
GOT THERE?

YOU HAVE GOT YOU THE BEGINNINGS
OF A MASTERPIECE.

YOU THINK SO?
I KNOW SO.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NOW, I'M GOING
TO WORK DAY AND NIGHT

UNTIL I GET THIS THING
FINISHED.

* HAIL, HAIL TO THEE.

* HAIL...

YOU REALLY LIKE IT, HUH?

...THIS'LL BE DONE,
THANKS.

OH, TOM, THAT'S WONDERFUL,
THANK YOU.

WHEN I'M IN THE MIDST
OF PRODUCTION

I SURE NEED MY COFFEE.

NOW, READY, EVERYBODY!

STAND A LITTLE
FARTHER BACK, PLEASE.

I CAN SEE SOMEBODY'S FOOT.

NOW, LET'S DO THAT OPENING,
ONCE AGAIN

WITH A LITTLE MORE FEELING.

REMEMBER, THIS IS AN HISTORIC
OCCASION--

THE FOUNDING OF MAYBERRY!

READY?

[ PLAYING "RULE BRITANNIA"
VERY SLOWLY ]

HALT!

I SAID, "HALT".

FULL MANY A MILE
HAVE WE TRAVELED

THROUGH SAVAGE WILDERNESS

IN SEARCH OF THAT PROMISED
LAND AND NOW, WE...

OH...

NOW WE'VE FOUND IT.

AHH, NOW WE'VE FOUND IT.

AH, FULL MANY A MILE
HAVE WE TRAVELED

THROUGH SAVAGE WILDERNESS

IN SEARCH OF
THAT PROMISED LAND.

AND NOW, WE HAVE FOUND IT.

AND NOW
WE HAVE FOUND IT.

[ softly ]
AND NOW, WE'VE FOUND IT.

[ ALL GROANING ]

COURAGE,
FELLOW WANDERERS

THIS IS OUR LAND.

HERE WILL WE SETTLE.

AND I, JOHN MAYBERRY
SHALL PROCLAIM THIS OUR LAND

AND NAME IT AFTER ME:
JOHN!

MAYBERRY!

REJOICE.

[ EXASPERATED SIGHS ]

I SAID, "REJOICE"

BUT THEY'RE NOT
REJOICING, MISS BISHOP.

REJOICE, EVERYBODY.

All:
HAIL! HAIL!

RAH!

HAIL, HAIL.

HAIL.

OH, THAT WAS FINE.

FINE.

ANDY, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WERE BACK THERE.

OH, I STOOD BACK THERE
A LITTLE WHILE.

HOWDY, FLOYD.

I DIDN'T KNOW

YOU WAS SUCH
A OUTSTANDIN' ACTOR.

FLOYD HAS
GENEROUSLY CONSENTED

TO PLAY THE TITLE ROLE
IN OUR FOUNDER'S DAY PAGEANT.

OH, GOOD!

DON'T TAKE OFF
THOSE COSTUMES.

WE STILL
HAVE WORK TO DO.

BLESS HER HEART.

IT REALLY IS GOIN'
GOOD, FLOYD.

OH, THANK YOU.

I FINISHED MY
MISS MAYBERRY SONG.

NO, YOU DIDN'T.

YES, I DID.
WANT TO HEAR IT?

HERE IT IS.

[ to the tune
"O Tannenbaum" ]:
* HAIL TO THEE,
MISS MAYBERRY *

* HAIL TO THEE

* ALL HAIL

* YOUR LOVELINESS,
YOUR MAJESTY *

* BRINGS JOY
TO EVERY MALE *

* ALL HAIL, ALL HAIL

* ALL HAIL,
ALL HAIL *

* ALL HAIL, ALL HAIL
ALL... *

YOU LIKE IT?

OH, OH! IT'LL GET 'EM
RIGHT HERE.

WHY, THANK YOU
VERY MUCH.

ANDY, I WANT
TO BE THE ONE

TO SING THAT SONG.

ABSOLUTELY.

I CATCH ANYBODY ELSE
TRYIN' TO SING IT

I'LL HIT 'EM
RIGHT IN THE MOUTH.

THAT IS YOUR SONG.

GOOD. NOW, ANDY
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE

I'D LIKE TO TALK
TO YOU ABOUT.

ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD.

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHY?

YOU'RE BEING A HELP.

WHY, YOU AND MISS BISHOP
ARE LIKE A RAY OF SUNSHINE

IN A SEA OF SELFISHNESS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

FLOYD, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE

WHAT'S GOING ON.

FOLKS COMING AT ME
FROM ALL SIDES

PRESSURIN' ME
TO PICKING THEIR SWEETHEART

OR DAUGHTER OR COUSIN
OR WHATEVER.

THEY WANT ME TO BE CROOKED.

DON'T THAT BEAT ALL?

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT?

ABOUT MY NIECE, VIRGINIA LEE,
WINNIN' THE CONTEST.

FLOYD!

WELL, GEE... CONSIDERIN'
THE HELP I'VE BEEN TODAY.

I WROTE THAT MISS MAYBERRY SONG

I THOUGHT YOU'D GIVE ME
SPECIAL CONSIDERATION.

I PRACTICALLY PROMISED HER
THAT SHE'D WIN.

WELL, YOU JUST GO BACK
AND UNPROMISE HER

'CAUSE I AIN'T GOING TO SHOW
ANY PARTIALITY TO ANYBODY

AND THAT INCLUDES YOU!

WELL, IT'S A FINE FRIEND
YOU TURNED OUT TO BE.

WELL, GO AHEAD, GET MAD AT ME

WHY SHOULD YOU BE AN EXCEPTION.

I GOT A GOOD MIND TO TAKE BACK

MY "HAIL TO THEE,
MISS MAYBERRY" SONG.

[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE ]

ANDY!

[ AND TALKING... ]

NOT YET! NOT YET!

NOT YET!

[ ALL CLAMORING... ]

[ SIGHS ]

ANDY!

IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG?

YOU LOOK WEARY.

I AM WEARY.

WEARY AND DISGUSTED.

"PICK MY DAUGHTER"

"PICK MINE."

"NO, PICK MINE."

FOLKS IN THIS TOWN
ARE BEHAVIN' AWFUL.

WELL, IF IT'S ANY
COMFORT TO YOU

IT'LL BE ALL OVER
AFTER TOMORROW.

HI, PAW.

I BROUGHT OVER
MARY WIGGINS

BECAUSE I FIGURED
IF YOU SEE HOW PRETTY SHE IS

YOU'LL CHANGE YOUR MIND
AND PICK HER AS MISS MAYBERRY.

SHOW 'EM WHERE
YOUR TOOTH WAS, MARY.

NOW, OPIE...

DON'T BOTHER
YOUR PAW RIGHT NOW.

HE'S TRYING TO REST.

BUT, AUNT BEE...

OPIE, LATER.

GEE, WHIZ,
PRETTIEST GIRL IN TOWN

AND NOBODY CARES.

MY OWN KIN PESTERIN'
AND NAGGIN' AT ME

OVER WHO TO PICK
IN THAT BEAUTY CONTEST.

IT'S A GOOD THING
YOU AIN'T GOT

A CANDIDATE
YOU'RE PUSHIN' TO WIN.

BUT I HAVE.

YOU GET ELLIE
IN THAT CONTEST

YOU'RE NOT
GONNA HAVE

ANY PROBLEMS
MAKING A CHOICE.

AUNT BEE, PLEASE!

ANDY, WHY...

NOW THAT WAS NUMBER FIVE,
MISS BARBARA SUE LEASY.

PLEASE, SAM,
LET'S NOT HOLD THINGS UP.

NOW, NUMBER SIX.

AND NUMBER SIX,
I'M SURE YOU ALL KNOW

IS THE LOVELY, THE BEAUTEOUS...

THE TEMPESTUOUS
JOSEPHINE PIKE...

MY THIRD DAUGHTER.

[ FAINT APPLAUSE ]

COME, BABY, COME ON.

COME ON, BABY.

HURRY UP.

[ CHUCKLING ]

I THOUGHT
YOU WAS GONNA

HOLD DOWN THE APPLAUSE,
MAYOR.

KEEP THINGS
MOVIN' ALONG.

HOW YOU GONNA HOLD BACK
A SPONTANEOUS OVATION?

LIKE LINDBERGH.

NOW... NOW... UH, UH

NOW THE FINAL CONTESTANT IS,
UH...

NUMBER SEVEN...

MISS ELLIE WALKER.

[ APPLAUSE ]

COME, ELLIE,
YOUR NAME'S BEEN CALLED.

I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK
THIS WAS MY IDEA.

IF YOU PICK ME

I'LL NEVER SPEAK
TO YOU AGAIN.

THAT'S ALL OF
THE CONTESTANTS.

AND NOW, FOR THE MOMENT
WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR...

THE DECISION OF OUR JUDGE,
SHERIFF TAYLOR.

[ ALL APPLAUDING ]

ANDY, ATTA BOY.

[ ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE
CONTINUES ]

NOW AS JUDGE
OF THIS HERE CONTEST

I WISH THAT I COULD
PRESENT THE TITLE

TO EACH AND EVERY
ONE OF YOU.

BUT AS YOU KNOW,
IN A BEAUTY CONTEST

THERE CAN ONLY BE
ONE WINNER.

AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT'S IT'S GOING TO BE
A DIFFICULT DECISION FOR ME.

COME ON, ANDY.
TELL US WHO THE WINNER IS.

WELL, I AM, SAM,
I AM, UH, UH...

IS-IS THE ROBE READY?

AND THE CROWN?

THE CROWN'S RIGHT HERE
ON THE TABLE, ANDY.

YEAH, WHERE'S
THE ROBE, THOUGH?

HERE'S THE ROBE, SHERIFF.

I JUST FINISHED IT.

THANK YOU, MISS BISHOP.

AH... [ CLEARS THROAT ]

FOLKS, UH...

IN ORDER TO JUDGE
A BEAUTY CONTEST

I THINK IT'S GOOD TO KNOW
WHAT BEAUTY REALLY IS.

NOW, THERE'S OUTSIDE BEAUTY.

I GUESS WE CAN ALL SEE THAT.

AND THEN, THERE'S INSIDE BEAUTY.

SHERIFF, ARE YOU
GONNA NAME
THE WINNER OR NOT?

I'M GOIN' TO MA'AM,
I'M GOIN' TO RIGHT NOW.

MISS BISHOP,
WOULD YOU

BRING UP THE ROBE PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

WAIT, WAIT, MISS BISHOP.

WAIT A MINUTE.

FOLKS, I PRESENT TO YOU
THE MOST LOGICAL CHOICE.

MOST OBVIOUS CHOICE,
AND IN FACT...

THE ONLY CHOICE.

I PRESENT TO YOU,
HER ROYAL HIGHNESS

MISS MAYBERRY

MISS ERMA BISHOP.

FOR DOING SUCH
A BEAUTIFUL JOB
OF THIS HERE PAGEANT

AND FOR JUST BEHAVING
BEAUTIFULLY

THROUGH THE
WHOLE THING...

I CROWN THEE

MISS MAYBERRY.

[ PEOPLE MURMURING ]

[ CONTESTANTS WAILING ]

DADDY!

[ WAILING CONTINUES ]

IT WAS THE BEST CHOICE.

WELL, MAYBE I BETTER SEE
IF I CAN STOP THIS CRYING JAG.

[ WAILING CONTINUES ]

UH, FLOYD, FLOYD.

FLOYD, FLOYD.

NOW, FLOYD.
NOW, NOW.

* ALL HAIL TO THEE,
MISS MAYBERRY *

* ALL HAIL TO THEE,
ALL HAIL *

* YOUR LOVELINESS,
YOUR MAJESTY *

* BRINGS JOY
TO EVERY MALE *

HEY, LISTEN TO THIS,
FLOYD.

"AND THE CLIMAX
TO YESTERDAY'S PROCEEDINGS

"CAME IN THE FORM OF A SPECIAL
SONG FOR THE OCCASION,

WRITTEN, COMPOSED, AND RENDERED
BY OUR OWN FLOYD LAWSON."

OH, NOW,
THAT'S WHAT IT SAID?

IT SAID I RENDERED IT?

YEAH,
IT SAID YOU RENDERED IT.

LOOK WHAT ELSE IT SAYS.

IT SAYS, "IF FLOYD KEEPS WRITING
HIT SONGS LIKE THIS,

"MAYBERRY
MIGHT BE LOSING A BARBER,

BUT IT WILL BE GAINING
A COMPOSER."

OH, THAT'S WHAT IT SAID,
HUH?
YEAH.

OH, GEE.

YOU DID YOURSELF PROUD,
FLOYD.

WELL, YOUNG'UNS, WHAT DID YOU
THINK OF THE BEAUTY CONTEST?

YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW,
PAW?

YEAH.

I WAS DISAPPOINTED.

I STILL THINK MARY HERE
SHOULD HAVE WON.

DON'T YOU, MARY?

WELL, NOW, THAT IS A RIGHT
WINNIN' SMILE YOU GOT THERE.

COME HERE, MARY.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO,
PAW?

I'LL SHOW YOU.
COME HERE.

STAND RIGHT THERE.

NOW, LET ME JUST
PUT THE ROBE ON YOU.

FLOYD, YOU GET THE CROWN.

NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT
AT ALL.

NOW,
HOLD THAT RIGHT THERE.

NOW...

I CROWN THEE
MISS MAYBERRY JUNIOR.

NOW, FLOYD, MAKE IT OFFICIAL.
START RENDERING.

OH. OH!
OH, WELL...

* ALL HAIL TO THEE,
MISS MAYBERRY *

* ALL HAIL TO THEE,
ALL HAIL *

* YOUR LOVELINESS,
YOUR MAJESTY *

* BRINGS JOY
TO EVERY... *

[ WHISTLING SPRIGHTLY TUNE ]