The Amazing Chan and the Chan Clan (1972): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Crown Jewel Caper - full transcript

[theme music plays]

¶ The Amazing Chan ¶

[buzzes]

[buzzing]

[buzzing]

[buzzing]

¶ That's the Chan Clan ¶

¶ The Amazing Chan
and the Chan Clan ¶

¶ The Amazing Chan ¶¶

[man] Ladies, and gentlemen,

the special exhibition
of the Burmese Crown Jewels



is now open.

Wow! Look at 'em sparkle!

I should've worn my sunglasses.

- [sniffs]
- Chu-Chu!

I'll get him, Pop.

Come here, Chu-Chu.

Sorry, young lady,
no dogs allowed.

[meows]

Now, you stay here 'til
I tell you to come out.

Mr. Chan, this is Lord Buckley.

He brought the jewels
over from England.

I'm told you're responsible
for the security arrangements.

And I can assure you the
diamonds are quite safe.

Pop, I'm worried.



The minute we leave here, some
hood breaks in with a hammer,

and he's got us inside.

Not quite. Will you activate the
alarm? Please.

I'm telling you, Pop, this
caper's a piece of cake.

Would you like to
try the cake now?

Note the electric eyes.

They detect anyone who
approaches and then...

[alarm rings]

[electrical buzzing]

I'd say those jewels
are really safe.

Then Daddy did it again.

[man] Everything's
right on schedule.

I'll knock this job off
in 15 minutes.

You be at the side door,
and I'll let you in.

Right.

- Do you think?
- Don't be ridiculous.

No one can get near
those diamonds.

Unless he wants to end up as a
French-fried crook. [laughs]

Get it, Henry?

I get it. But I don't think
I wanted.

The preview is over
ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you for coming.

This way out, please.

You can lock up now.

It's OK to come out now,
Chu-Chu.

[gasps] Chu-Chu!

Gesundheit.

Chu-Chu is our dog.

And Mimi seems to have
misplaced him.

[sniffs]

[barks]

- Chu-Chu!
- It came from that way.

I think it came from there.

You go that way.
I'll go this way.

Chu-Chu, you're a bad dog.

He was only fooling, Chu-Chu.

Well, I see the problem is over.
You found your missing dog.

Sorry to contradict you, but the
problem's just begun.

The dog is no longer missing,

but I'm afraid the
crown jewels are.

Wham-bam, we're in a jam.

The diamonds never should've
been left unguarded.

Possibly, but advice after a
mistake is like medicine after
the funeral.

I called and the police are
on their way.

Why did you do it, Johnson?

But, I didn't take them.

All right, Johnson,
this is a bust.

Hand over the ice.

But they've searched me
and found nothing.

You'll need a better
alibi than that.

We're taking a little
ride downtown.

You'll have to forgive my son,

he's watched too many Humphrey
Bogart pictures.

For the last time,
I don't have the jewels.

You passed them to an
accomplice.

Hear that? He had a helper.

That guy in the phone booth.

- Let's go.
- But...

You want to help Pop, don't you?
Come on!

- Where are we?
- It's a caveman display.

- Come on, follow me.
- OK.

[gulps] Um... excuse me.

I thought you were Henry.

[muffled groans]

Hen... Hen... Henry!

Stanley, will you hold it down?

[panting]
Yikes!

Can't you be quiet?

But Henry, one of those cavemen
was just chasing me.

That's only a dummy.

Rather, another dummy. Dummy.
Come on.

The crook may have thrown the
diamonds out here to pick them
up later.

[whistling]

[continues whistling]

Ow!

Let's go back.
I'm scared.

Just keep telling yourself
you're a Chan.

You're brave and fearless.

- It won't work.
- Why not?

It works for me.

Yeah, but I know
what a big liar I am.

Hold it, look.
Those could belong
to the crooks.

We'll have to make a cast.

And when we find out who fits
it, we got 'em.

Yeah, just like Cinderella.

Only when they put they're foot
in it, they'll really put their
foot in it.

This plaster should
do the trick.

OK, now we can take off.
Give these a chance to harden.

- Where's Chu-Chu?
- Probably back at the Chan Van.

Come on!

Let's check the
outside for clues.

[footsteps approaching]

Someone's there.

[gulps]
Sounds like a whole gang.

And if it is,
wham-bam, we're in a jam.

Relax, come around the other
side of the building, and we'll
surround them.

[gulps] Henry, I don't...

And use the Chan-com to let me
know when you're in position.

[footsteps approaching]

All set.

OK, we've got 'em surrounded.

Stand by to move in.

Now!

[both grunt]

Hold it. What's going on?

We just caught the diamond
thief. Look.

Oh, I see. He sure looks
big and bad.

I'm sorry if they caused any
trouble, officers.

- That's OK.
- Why all the delay?

It's a simple matter.
Arrest the guard.
He did it.

We better wait for the
lieutenant.

I don't suppose there were any
witnesses.

No, we were all out looking for
Chu-Chu.

Well, a dog wouldn't have helped
much anyway.

A thousand pardons,
but he has helped.

I think I know where
the jewels are.

I've just found this note.

"If you want the jewels back,
keep the police away.

And have $100,000 ready to pay
off tonight."

We'll pay it.

But, if you know where the
jewels are, why pay the money?

Because we still don't know who
took them.

The money will be the bait to
catch him.

Gentlemen, if it's all right
with you, I'd like to have Chan
here handle the ransom delivery.

A fine idea. It's very nice of
you to give up a quiet evening
at home.

Quiet evening?

I don't have to be a detective
to know that you don't have 10
children.

¶ Lurking in the shadows
hiding behind a wall ¶

¶ Searching every clue out
when I fall apart ¶

¶ Undercover man
Doing all I can ¶

¶ Trying to make you love me ¶

Everybody ready for supper?

- I thought you'd never ask.
- [doorbell rings]

That's for me.
I'm expecting a caller.

What is it, Pop?
Another caper?

I'm ready to roll.

I'll get the door, Pop.

[with accent]
Come in, won't you?

Is your father at home, Stanley?

[Stanley] Don't say it, Pop.

All ready to go, Chan?

Be sure to drink your milk.

Aw, you're always telling me
what to do.

I'll bet they're talking about
the jewel robbery.

You know Pop has taught us never
to be nosey.

Besides, how can we hear through
that thick wall?

Oral conductors can be
significantly amplified using
crystal cylinders.

I wonder what it would be like
if we had a brother who spoke
English?

He said you could listen by
putting a glass against the
wall.

But we all have better manners
than that.

We received a phone call telling
us to leave the money

in a suitcase next to the old
oak tree in the park at 8
o'clock tonight.

Did you get that?

All I'm getting is
milk in my ear.

One more thing, we're not to
tell anybody about it.

I'm afraid it's a little late
for that.

I've heard of ring around the
collar.

But I think you have first case
of ring around the ear.

Life sure isn't easy when your
father's a detective.

[boy] You want me to ride
shotgun, Pop?

Lord Buckley and I can handle
things.

So, have a nice supper,
and I'll see you all later.

Boy, you're something. How can
you read at a time like this?

Hey, what is that anyway?

A bibliography of all the
English Lords.

And there's no mention of any
Buckley in it.

- He's an impostor.
- Then he must be the burglar.

He's just using Pop. He's going
to keep the money himself.

We better get right over to the
park and stop him.

Hold it, I'm sure Pop
knows all about Buckley.

If we all go rushing over there,
we'll just foul things up.

Right, Stanley?

Huh? Oh yeah, sure.

The best thing for all of us to
do is just wait here 'til Pop
gets back.

If that's what you and Henry
want, that's what we'll do.

Right, gang?

[all] Right!

We'd better convert the van,
so it won't be so noticeable.

Right, we'll try Van Clan three.

[buzzes]

- What are you doing?
- [siren wails]

I said we don't want to be
noticeable.

- Try Van Clan six.
- Roger.

[buzzes]

OK, now, let's get to the park.

I'm worried, Chan.

From here you won't be able to
see the thief when he picks up
the ransom.

But I will, my little friend
here will tell me as soon as
someone picks it up.

Watch my dashboard when I pick
the bag up.

- [electronic whirring]
- [beeping]

Oh, and when the light goes on,
you move in.

Right. I may have a long wait,
but I'll be ready.

I'll deposit the bag
and buzz off.

- [engine turns]
- Good luck, Chan.

[engine turns]

OK, let's start digging.

That crook's in for a surprise
when he tries to get that bag of
money.

Yeah, he goes down, and we've
got our man.

And while Pop's parked down the
road, we wrap up the whole case.

He's gonna be real proud of us.

Come on, let's duck
out of sight.

Look, I'll climb up the tree,
and you can throw me the rope.

Unnecessarily complex.

I will merely encircle the
nearest perpendicular limb.

- Now do I climb up?
- I'll do it.

- Boys are better climbers.
- Any questions?

[boy] Here's the rope, cheater.

[boy 2] When the alleged
miscreant steps within this
perimeter,

he'll be immediately escalated.

[boy 2 laughs]
The only way to fly.

Come on, let's get out of sight.

Won't the rest of the kids
be surprised

when they hear what
we've done?

- I think I hear someone.
- Stay down.

- You don't want to be seen.
- Relax.

Even he does he'll never
recognize me.

What are you doing?

Well, there's a full moon,
isn't there?

I'm blending into the
background.

You stay put, we don't want to
scare him away.

We'll make our move when we hear
him fall into the hole.

I can see the crook in
that cage right now.

Come on. Let's set it up.

[growls]

[yelps]

Hey! There's an ice cream truck.

We didn't have time for dessert.

No, we have work to do.

Scooter, you and Mimi stay here
as lookouts.

Keep your eyes open. Let's go.

- It's great!
- You think it's high enough?

[both] Yikes!

- We got 'em!
- Let's go!

[both yell]

- We got 'em!
- Naturally.

Let's take a look
at the culprit.

[all] Help!

Hey! Don't just stand there,
do something!

Yeah, get us down!

- Get us up!
- Get us out.

[all sigh]

I thought we all
agreed to stay home.

You and Stanley came.

- But, we had a good plan.
- So did we.

And so did we.

Our was better.

A car is coming.

[boy] Quick! Out of sight.

[car approaches]

- He's got the money!
- What do we do?

- Leave it to Pop.
- He'll get him.

- There he goes.
- And there goes Pop after him.

He'll apprehend him in a
microsecond.

No, he won't, it's a trick.

The crook didn't get in the cab.
Look, he's still there.

Holy mackerel.
It's the ice cream man.

We've got to do something.

He went into the museum.

We have to keep that crook in
there until Pop gets here.

Let me through, this is a job
for a Chan man.

Right, then what are we
waiting for?

Let's surround him.

Hold it.

You're too young for this caper.
You're only six.

What do you mean?
How old do you have to be?

Seven.

You're not leaving me
out of this.

Here he comes.

[screams]

Oh no!

[both laugh]

Here Chu-Chu, it's your turn to
get into the act.

[growls]

Pop, you got our message.

Guess I should learn not to be
surprised.

- But I always am.
- We caught the thief.

- Lord Buckley.
- The thief?

Quite possibly. But Lord
Buckley, no.

He's really from Scotland Yard.

But if Buckley's here, who...

I believe the gentleman you have
there should turn out to be the
curator.

So what? Unless you release me
with the money, you'll never see
the jewels again.

Gee, I didn't think of that.

Don't worry, Stanley, we already
have the jewels,

we just wanted the thief
to betray himself.

[sniffs]

But how can you know where the
jewels are, Pop?

There were absolutely no clues.

Very true. But sometimes no
clues are biggest clue of all.

[whirring]

But what told you they were
still in the case?

Observe Chu-Chu's nose.

The first time he looked at the
diamonds,

it was above the shelf where he
could see them, like it is now.

Yet, when the diamonds
were missing,

and Chu-Chu tried to look...

[whirring]

- [sniffs]
- His nose didn't quite reach.

Like I always said,
the nose knows.

Good work, Mr. Chan, my thanks
to all of you.

Well, as you would probably say,
I guess that means a 10-6.

Wait a minute, where's Chu-Chu?

Oh, no, not lost again.

You like to be detectives, so
think, where would the dog go?

- [rumbling]
- [crashing]

Wham-bam, we're in a jam!

[sighs] It appears our job at
the museum isn't over.