The Afterparty (2022–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - The Afterparty - full transcript
Artist girl. I've heard a lot about you.
Everybody talks about you.
That's quite the bullet
you're taking for your boy, Aniq.
You're really sure I didn't do it?
No. I'm not sure at all. But did you?
You ever feel like
there's this "you" inside you
who's the person you
always wanted to be?
And there's also this "you"
that you never thought you'd be,
and you can't believe you are?
That was confusing,
and I'm a little lost.
- I have a confession to make.
- Well, shit.
You just said the magic words.
Tell it from the top, honey.
Okay, so...
Unlike everyone else here tonight,
it wasn't weird
for me to be at our high school.
It's almost like I never left.
I can't tell you how many times
I've walked through that breezeway.
Four years of high school.
That skirt's too short.
Ten years as an art teacher
and school administrator.
That skirt's too short.
Oh, God, am I Mrs. Kranwinkle now?
I used to be fun.
Fun ZoŽ.
And somewhere deep inside my
cluttered brain, she is still there...
ready to do Jšger shots
off the belly button of life.
So tonight, I let her out.
Let me out.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, wow. I have been cramped in there
since the day you got pregnant.
Jesus Christ. All right! Gonna
have to make up for some lost time.
Are these bigger?
Yeah, they're a half cup bigger, but
the bra's doing a lot of heavy lifting.
I made a list of the things
we should do tonight.
Of course, you made a list.
Why is it torn in half?
Well, I felt the Uber driver judging me.
Then when he wasn't looking,
I taped it back together.
Wait, you brought tape to a party?
I bring tape everywhere.
Oh, my God. I can't believe we're,
like, the same person.
Is this something
I should be concerned about?
Oh, no, no, n... I'm just
dramatizing my internal conflict.
So should I be concerned about that?
No.
So you talk to yourself often
and answer questions?
N... This is just a metaphor.
"Steal a centerpiece."
- Boring.
- "If they're tasteful."
"Imbibe straight from the bottle."
That's fun.
"Number seven. Make out with someone with
whom you otherwise would not out make."
Gross! "With whom"? No.
- Knock. Knock. Hey, I'm sorry.
- Bruh.
I can't let this happen.
Look, ZoŽ, you don't have to do this.
I mean, I do a little.
Yeah, you do have to be in here, because
you are being investigated right now.
We both know, you know,
that you didn't do anything.
We don't both know.
She could be hiding some...
You know what? Get the hell out of here.
You're not even supposed to be
in here now.
- Okay.
- You are a suspect.
Close the door behind you.
Respect the process, bro!
Now you, ZoŽs,
- both of y'all need to talk faster.
- Okay.
Answer your phone.
- What about my phone?
- Answer your phone.
Answer my phone?
I called your phone,
and I left mine in the studio.
That way we can listen
from the other phone.
You're a genius. You're a genius.
- You're a genius.
- Well, just whisper it, you know?
Ten percent battery? How do
you even live? Are you a psycho?
There's gotta be a thousand
chargers here. Let's find one.
- It's a good plan.
- Yep.
- If we're too far apart, buds won't work.
- Kinda like these two buds.
Yes.
- Let's find a charger together.
- Just rephrase that.
And tonight was gonna
be Fun ZoŽ's night.
All right, listen, bitch.
How about you let me drive tonight?
- You're pushing my head. Nope.
- It's my head.
- Suck it.
- All I know is
- when I have to pee, my balls hurt.
- Brett?
Can she see me?
I got this.
Where is Maggie?
She's with Veronica.
This is my night.
- My night.
- Yeah, and it's my reunion too.
So just...
and...
That is what he sounded like to me.
- Like he had a fart for a mouth?
- Y... So you've met him?
Okay, shake it off.
Hey, ZoŽ.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God. Aniq.
Sorry about that. I don't know
my own strength, I guess.
It's Aniq.
He's still kind of adorable, right?
Yeah, adorable like the cards
Maggie gives you on Mother's Day.
Yeah, I'll see you inside.
Oh, come on. He was always so sweet,
and we would joke around in chem and...
No. Uh-uh. It's my night,
and we are not gonna have a conversation
- with the nice, safe guy tonight.
- Hi.
We used to do dumb shit just because,
you know, we could. And it was fun.
So we're gonna wild out and find
the hottest, funnest guy at this party,
and we are going to smash mouths.
- ZoŽ! So good to see you.
- So good and amazing.
Girls, I have been waiting
for this night for so long.
Remember prom?
I can't wait to catch up
and get fucked up like we used to.
No.
Why... I mean, no way.
Wha... Why didn't you tell me?
We didn't know how to tell you.
Or really when would be the right time.
- Because your life is a mess.
- A hot mess.
I'm gonna go drink because I'm not
pregnant, and I can do whatever I want.
- Sorry. Bye. Love you, girl.
- Love you.
What is that? What are they doing?
Oh, yeah,
that's the face people make at us now.
They don't know
how to talk about the divorce,
so instead they make this face
with sad puppy dog eyes
like we're a five-year-old
who just dropped her ice-cream cone.
How are you? Are you okay?
I can't imagine going through this.
How is Maggie doing with it all?
If my husband left me,
I would kill myself.
But not you. Don't you do that. No.
- This is not fun.
- Welcome to my world.
Okay, you know what? Just like
prom, we are making our own fun.
Wait. What are you doing?
Going to the club
And having sex
The DJ is my pillow
And the music's my bed
Hey. Oh. No, it's cool. Walt.
Wait. No, no, no.
This is not on the list. We can't sing.
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words
that've hurt you
And you'd stay
All right!
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
- Hot. Fun. Dumb.
- What are you talking about?
He with whom we shall freaking out make.
Eugene? He's just the same weirdo he was
in high school but with a sneaker deal.
Yeah, but he's famous.
Women throw themselves at that guy.
Gross. We are not a groupie.
No. We're a fellow artist.
He makes art, right?
- Define "art."
- And he's celebrated for it.
Isn't that what we want?
Maybe. I... I don't know what I want.
Respect it good
Attend this reunion like you should
- Oh, my God.
- Right now
This is the wrong song.
- Oh, no. We should save him, right?
- My neck
My back
Marion Barry did some crack
- Remember him?
- A sexy rock star is making eyes at us.
I need you to focus.
My neck
Thank God.
Thought she was singing to me.
- It's okay, man.
- I have to admit, Xavier was fun.
I mean, I'm fun.
At least for a minute.
I've actually been kind of stressed.
I have this giant big movie role
coming up. It's an important picture.
Problem is I need to get this
character's laugh down before we shoot.
I want it to be really
authentic, like...
All right, how does this sound?
I've been practicing a bit.
What the hell?
He's so method.
You... I don't know. You go.
I wanna learn from you.
Okay. That's an okay start. I like it.
But maybe, like, louder and bigger.
You know,
like I just said something super funny.
Go back to your chambers. I am flirting.
I can't wait to talk
from my mouth into your ear.
Great. He was into us.
Hi. Oh, I mean, hey.
Think your neck and back and the rest
of you might be up for an encore?
Nah, I should probably
leave the singing to Xavier.
I am thinking about taking my shirt off.
Oh, so now you laugh naturally?
I'm having actual fun.
Oh, my God. These
boobs are wasted on you.
I am not ready for this.
Should we just, like, go home?
- No. I will not be taken...
- You know,
I've always wanted
to see the teachers' lounge.
Grab a bottle. I'll grab my key.
Something hard, not like wine.
It's a screw top.
Oh, God.
Let's go.
This is going incredible.
You're coming across winning.
Nerdy but cool. Hot but also
holy shit. You know what I mean?
This whole night,
I've been chasing her around.
I never really noticed
what was going on with her.
It's not your fault. You didn't know.
Oh, hello, beautiful.
Hey. How's... How's everybody...
- Talking about the charger.
- Yeah, I...
- Jesus Christ.
- Yep, yep, yep. Walt.
Ha. No, it's taken. Look, 28%.
Anything less than 30 is actually rude.
Oh, my God. Accused of murder,
and you still won't unplug a phone.
- No one'll notice. Real quick.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Hey. Hi. What's going on?
Yasper's phone is about to die.
Bummer. Here's the thing.
As you can see, mine is less than 30%,
and that's kind of the universal standard.
- Anything less is pretty rude.
- I totally get that.
But ours is under 5%,
and we're in a bit of an emergency.
- If we could just plug it in?
- Here's the thing.
- Jennifer 2 is lying in a ditch somewhere...
- All right. No, we got it.
- trying to text me. And my phone is dead.
- We'll find something else.
It's so cool you work here now.
Yeah. So cool.
Yeah. I took a subbing gig
after college to make money
while working toward a gallery show
and then I got my own art classroom.
Then they offered me vice principal,
and it just seemed like
what I was supposed to do, you know?
Is that what you really wanted?
- Yeah. Maybe?
- No.
- No.
- I guess I don't know.
- You've been a good influence on decor.
- I painted this with my students.
I had a whole plan, but the minute
there's other people involved,
nothing works out
the way you thought it would.
You see,
but that's what's so great about it.
- Yeah?
- Because you had to live with mistakes.
Always forces you to learn new moves.
I guess he is kind of cute
in this lighting.
- Oh, no.
- ZoŽ, just the person I was talking for.
Looking to. For, to talk.
Oops.
- Nope. We are not doing this now.
- No, no, no. We're not doing this ever.
Wait. I need to say what I say.
You know...
Stay away from me!
Who the hell was that?
Oh yeah, I have a tiny ragey side of me
that comes out when I'm provoked.
- Should we...
- They'll be fine.
Wow, this is exactly how
I thought it would smell.
Like old wet paper.
Oh yeah, that's weed.
Kids still bring throwing stars
and dildos to school?
Some things never change.
It's kinda beautiful.
- Drugs.
- Wait, some of those are laced with...
We can cross this off the list.
List? What list?
it's all the stuff I wanted to
do tonight. It's stupid. I know.
Are you kidding? I love lists.
Of course, you do.
Real wild there.
Are you feeling this yet?
You'll know when I'm feeling it.
I'm an entirely different per...
Okay, okay.
Like, have you ever considered
how deep down we're all just
lost children looking for the womb?
This reunion is a rewombion.
Oh, God. I forgot I get like this
when we do drugs.
It's like I'm all these
different versions of me, right?
So, like, is this "me" me
or a performance of me?
Okay. Now you're definitely high.
There's more to everyone
than just one thing, right?
But now that my life is changing so much,
I can't figure out which "me" to be.
You know, the thing I like about
escape rooms on, like, a deeper level
is that they make you feel stuck,
even hopeless.
But eventually,
everyone finds their way through.
Except for some members
of the Minnesota Vikings one time.
That is so deep, man.
You know I had a crush on you
in high school, right?
What? I had no idea.
It was pretty obvious.
What is this guy doing?
Oh, God. Oh, God. Code red.
He is coming in hot for a kiss.
I say we go for it.
What does your heart feel?
I'm on board,
but only if it doesn't mean we're, like,
stuck with him the whole night.
- Mommy!
- Maggie?
What are you doing here?
Family emergency.
- That is a fucking lie.
- Absolutely.
I called Brett like a thousand times,
but no answer.
What?
Let me ask you something.
If Maggie wouldn't have showed up...
would you have kissed Aniq?
Is that relevant to the case?
- It establishes state of mind.
- Okay.
And yes, I may be a little curious.
I wanna know.
I mean, I don't know.
To tell you the truth, I have been
kissing the same guy since I was 17.
- Damn.
- So to see a different mouth coming at me,
it was... really weird.
I thought, "What if I'm bad
at kissing someone else?"
I don't know how to tilt my head,
or if I was going for the top lip or the
bottom lip or whether I even wanted to.
- Was his mouth open or closed?
- The latter.
- So he was giving you one of these?
- Yes.
Yeah, yeah. That mean he like you.
Yeah, cause if they go like this...
they just tryna get it in you.
Shit. I think that Culp is following us.
Oh, my God. All of his props, dude.
From... From Yahtzee, the movie!
"I did Yahtzee that coming!"
- Dude, chill. I'm trying to listen.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Dude, it's Xavier's unreleased biography,
IX. I wonder if he mentions me in it.
What?
Dude, this is the only place
they didn't let us go into
when we were installing the A/V equipment.
It almost feels like a panic room.
Oh, no!
- What did you do?
- Yeah. I think we're in a panic room.
- I can't hear anything.
- We get no reception.
- Help! Help!
- We're definitely in a panic room.
Stop saying "panic room."
Dude, this is the safest place
we could be.
I don't wanna be in the safest place.
I wanna hear this conversation.
- You shouldn't be in a panic room then.
- Yasper, I love you.
If you say "panic room"
one more time, I'm gonna flip.
- Okay, my bad.
- Thank you.
We are in a panic room though.
What? Where in the hell are...
Those hungry, hungry
hippos have lost their marbles.
Wait, don't you run an escape room?
Well, help us escape from this room.
Yasper, it doesn't work like that.
Don't do this.
- It's what I do when I'm thinking.
- Okay.
Oh, look at this.
We got something. Here we go.
This is something. Look at this.
Can you read lips?
- Yes. 100%. You want me to now?
- Yes, please.
Okay. Oh, my teeth. My teeth.
ZoŽ, what do you think of Aniq?
Dude, what do you think of Aniq?
I like... I like broth.
My aunt's got weird floppies.
The Hamburger Helper glove...
You can say you don't read lips.
I read lips. Give me a second.
So I found Brett,
managed not to eat him alive,
and then I just
tried to get back to my evening.
Fine!
- So do you have to head home?
- Hell, nah.
Fun ZoŽ is in charge,
and the last time that happened,
the night ended with me getting my hair
dyed by a stranger behind a Circle K.
So let's get to the after-party.
Okay. How are you gettin' to there?
'Cause I got my whip.
By which I mean a car.
ZoŽ! Come fly with me.
Yes! Fun!
Ladies first.
Thank you, sir.
We can't bail on Aniq.
Come on. It's on the list.
Hop aboard.
Aniq?
So, are you still an artist, or...
OMG. He remembered. He is so sweet.
You know what? I really dig your shit.
Fellow artists, he digs our shit.
I mean, thank you.
That's nice of you to say.
Hey. Yo, shit, rap on this.
- You should do my next album cover.
- Really?
Aight, tell me if you think
this is a bad idea.
I mean, it's not.
But, like, what if I'm a tiger,
but my fur is, like, money.
And I'm being held by a big, hot baby.
And what if the baby had
a full arm sleeve tattoo of my face.
But not one of those regular,
like, fat babies,
but, like, a hot one
with cheekbones and shit, you know?
And he's like, you
know... He's, like, cut.
I want people to look at it and be like,
"Wow! That baby takes care of its body."
Help.
I don't know how to smoothly transition
the convo away from whatever this is.
We could set off the fire alarm?
"Bye Bye Birdie"?
That was my favorite play we did.
Wow. You still keep this around?
Nah, I keep it around to remind myself
what a nerdy loser I was.
'Cause now
I'm Conrad motherfucking Birdie!
Star of the show, baby.
Actually, the star is Albert,
the nerdy songwriter.
It's not called "Bye Bye, Albert."
You remember that?
Of course, I do.
I loved doing those shows.
It's so funny, right?
In high school, you were, like,
out of my league and now...
You're in it
- It's happening.
- What is?
Lyrics.
I got over being under you
Are you into being under me
You were out of my league
But now you're into my heart
So, when would you need
a mock-up of the album art?
I could work up a sketch for you.
Yeah, whatever.
The art thing was, like, "I care."
You know, I do,
but really it was just a way
to get you up here.
You know, women sometimes
feel awkward telling me,
"I wanna have sex with you, Xavier."
'Cause I'm famous, right?
So, I always try to
ease their discomfort
by giving them an excuse
to come to my bedroom.
I'm sensitive like that.
Oh, no. What do we do?
I don't know. Do anything.
- Brett?
- You stay away from my wife.
You broke my branded shrimp tower?
- Listen, I...
- Where is...
She's at my parents'. It's fine.
Take it easy. Relax.
Relax?
Relax? I will destroy...
He isn't worth it, Ragey.
- ZoŽ?
- ZoŽ?
The phone is at 2%.
- We've gotta get out of here.
- Try not to panic.
A button.
Detective Culp, Detective Culp.
- Culp. It's Culp. Hey.
- Culp?
Oh, my goodness.
What are you doing right here?
Can I help you, gentlemen?
- No need. We're good. Are you good?
- Hell yeah, I'm good.
- Doing good.
- We're good.
Oh, you're sharing earbuds I see.
Whatcha listening to?
Just some tunes. Yeah.
Tunes? That's crazy. I love tunes.
What are you listening to? What music?
I don't think you'd dig this tune.
It's more like... Like...
It's like a...
And then... And then...
- Then the cat's like...
- There's a cat in it.
I'd give anything
to listen to that right now.
If you don't mind giving me
a whirl with the EarPod.
You sure? It's a... It's
probably pretty unsanitary.
- It's in my ear. I had ear infections.
- I can wipe it off.
I've been eating wax-inducing foods.
- I'll wipe it off, gang.
- Okay. Yeah.
Okay.
- Sure. Yeah. Okay.
- It's a lot of wax.
Wiping it off.
There you go. Wiped it off.
I don't hear anything.
That's because the phone was
about to die anyway and now it is.
- It's dead.
- Oh, yeah.
That's why we were out.
We were looking for a charger.
That's crazy. I have a charger on me.
Why didn't you guys just ask?
Why wouldn't we ask a police officer
for help in a stressful situation?
I don't know. Maybe
all of human history?
Okay. Take the charger if you need it.
Thank you very much.
And the... Thank you.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
And I'm psyched that you love tunes.
Well, then Brett did something
I always wondered if he was capable of.
I just...
never thought he would actually do it.
I'm sorry.
- What?
- What did he just say?
I made you feel nuts for not
wanting to stay in this marriage.
And I want you to know you're not.
It's not good enough.
I'm not good enough. Not for you.
I may not be able to
earn back your heart,
but I'm gonna do what I can
to earn back your trust.
Maybe not everything has to work out
the way we thought it would.
And we can just...
live with the mistakes.
Is that a turkey or an eagle?
We married that.
Should we go find our whom?
To which whom do you refer?
He whom genuinely laugh does us make.
- Aniq.
- Yeah.
- What?
- They're listening to your interviews.
- I don't know how but I swear to God...
- Can we talk later?
I'm in the middle of something,
and it's starting to get juicy.
Okay. Where were we?
Hey, Captain. It's Culp.
So, did you ever find Aniq?
Yeah. I did. There
was just... one problem.
Oh, no. He has a guitar.
Why do guys think we like guitars?
Because we sort of do?
ZoŽ! ZoŽ, ZoŽ, ZoŽ, ZoŽ, ZoŽ.
You know, things have gone unsaid.
But I'm not gonna let myself un-say the
things that were said, that were said...
That were gonna be said. 'Cause
they're gonna... I'm gonna said 'em.
You are an angel. An angel
in the s... Among a sea of turds.
And I'm gonna sing a special song. 'Kay?
And I wanted to sing it earlier,
but this is my final door
that's open and closes open.
- Oh, no. What is he talking about?
- I don't know. This sucks.
This song has a lot of history. And
it goes a little something like this.
Oh, no. My pants.
This night was a total beef.
Sorry, me. I'm going to go back
to my little cage of regret.
See you whenever
the midlife crisis hits.
Wait.
Just take the win, okay?
You let me drive. I drove into a ditch.
Not this ditch. This is your ditch.
I mean the jerk upstairs.
That's just it though.
We spent the whole night chasing anyone
we could find to help us have fun,
but we don't need them to have fun.
We just need each other.
Now, that is deep.
I'm listening.
I made a to-do list,
damn it. Let's do it.
All for one, and fuck 'em all!
Do you think you should be...
Fun.
Those hungry, hungry hippos have lost...
Oops.
Okay, fun's over. Almost killed someone.
Was that on the list?
I know I'm, like,
not always a big part of "us,"
but maybe it's not healthy to only let
Fun ZoŽ out once every seven years.
Annoying Stoner ZoŽ's right.
We can't all be separated all the time,
or we go crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Self hug?
Baby girl, I'm so sad we didn't get
to spend more time together,
but I need you to know that
I will forever have your back, okay?
I've been sending Chelsea these psycho
little anonymous text messages
ever since we got here that are like,
"Back off or else."
Or like, "Stay the eff away
or I'm gonna ruin your life and get you
canceled on the Internet."
Isn't that so sneaky of
me and also hilarious?
My son, Jaxson, with an "x,"
taught me how to do it.
He uses it all the time in school.
Well, until he got suspended for,
like, literally no reason...
Why would you do that?
I don't want you to do that. At all.
- I'm just trying to help you, babe.
- You're not helping.
Come to think of it,
you've never helped me.
So let me get this right.
So you're saying Jennifer 2,
who's now missing,
is the one who was threatening Chelsea.
That's right.
Did you tell her?
No... You're missing the point.
We used to be friends in school.
Not like me and the Jennifers.
Like real friends.
We should talk.
So, we did.
And she hadn't become a monster.
She was just lonely and insecure
and full of regret. Like we all are.
I'm so sorry.
She apologized for everything.
I mean, it wasn't easy,
but I'm glad we talked.
Come here.
I'm less glad she went in for the hug.
Is Xavier upstairs? Where is he?
Have you seen him?
Is he upstairs?
Has anybody seen him?
Did he do this? Did he do this?
It's okay. It's okay.
- I'm wet. And pantsed. Again.
- We'll get you a towel. You're fine.
Oh, hello, ZoŽ. I wanna talk to you
after I chat with Xavier.
B-R-B. That's "be right back."
I'll be right back.
I think he's dead.
So, you didn't kill Xavier.
- No.
- But you said you had a confession.
I do.
I confess when I first found out
that Brett cheated on me,
I straight up thought I'd do life
in prison for stabbing him 137 times.
Because any one of us could snap.
You said that.
You're high. You're the stoner girl
right now. That's what this is.
- Okay, I get it. I get it.
- No, no, I'm not high.
Tell the story a certain way
and any one of us could've done this.
But tell the story in a different way
and... none of us did this.
What you're saying is,
no one killed Xavier.
'Cause he is dead.
And all signs lead to your boy, Aniq.
Somebody killed him.
But I don't think it was Aniq.
And I'm pretty sure you don't either.
All I'm asking is for you
to give him a chance to prove it.
Damn it, Culp. What did I tell you?
- I'm in the middle of some...
- I'm shutting you down now.
It's the Captain's orders.
You are relieved of your duty.
Boy, bye.
Anyways, back to this.
And I am serious.
You snitched.
There goes your memorabilia.
Everybody talks about you.
That's quite the bullet
you're taking for your boy, Aniq.
You're really sure I didn't do it?
No. I'm not sure at all. But did you?
You ever feel like
there's this "you" inside you
who's the person you
always wanted to be?
And there's also this "you"
that you never thought you'd be,
and you can't believe you are?
That was confusing,
and I'm a little lost.
- I have a confession to make.
- Well, shit.
You just said the magic words.
Tell it from the top, honey.
Okay, so...
Unlike everyone else here tonight,
it wasn't weird
for me to be at our high school.
It's almost like I never left.
I can't tell you how many times
I've walked through that breezeway.
Four years of high school.
That skirt's too short.
Ten years as an art teacher
and school administrator.
That skirt's too short.
Oh, God, am I Mrs. Kranwinkle now?
I used to be fun.
Fun ZoŽ.
And somewhere deep inside my
cluttered brain, she is still there...
ready to do Jšger shots
off the belly button of life.
So tonight, I let her out.
Let me out.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, wow. I have been cramped in there
since the day you got pregnant.
Jesus Christ. All right! Gonna
have to make up for some lost time.
Are these bigger?
Yeah, they're a half cup bigger, but
the bra's doing a lot of heavy lifting.
I made a list of the things
we should do tonight.
Of course, you made a list.
Why is it torn in half?
Well, I felt the Uber driver judging me.
Then when he wasn't looking,
I taped it back together.
Wait, you brought tape to a party?
I bring tape everywhere.
Oh, my God. I can't believe we're,
like, the same person.
Is this something
I should be concerned about?
Oh, no, no, n... I'm just
dramatizing my internal conflict.
So should I be concerned about that?
No.
So you talk to yourself often
and answer questions?
N... This is just a metaphor.
"Steal a centerpiece."
- Boring.
- "If they're tasteful."
"Imbibe straight from the bottle."
That's fun.
"Number seven. Make out with someone with
whom you otherwise would not out make."
Gross! "With whom"? No.
- Knock. Knock. Hey, I'm sorry.
- Bruh.
I can't let this happen.
Look, ZoŽ, you don't have to do this.
I mean, I do a little.
Yeah, you do have to be in here, because
you are being investigated right now.
We both know, you know,
that you didn't do anything.
We don't both know.
She could be hiding some...
You know what? Get the hell out of here.
You're not even supposed to be
in here now.
- Okay.
- You are a suspect.
Close the door behind you.
Respect the process, bro!
Now you, ZoŽs,
- both of y'all need to talk faster.
- Okay.
Answer your phone.
- What about my phone?
- Answer your phone.
Answer my phone?
I called your phone,
and I left mine in the studio.
That way we can listen
from the other phone.
You're a genius. You're a genius.
- You're a genius.
- Well, just whisper it, you know?
Ten percent battery? How do
you even live? Are you a psycho?
There's gotta be a thousand
chargers here. Let's find one.
- It's a good plan.
- Yep.
- If we're too far apart, buds won't work.
- Kinda like these two buds.
Yes.
- Let's find a charger together.
- Just rephrase that.
And tonight was gonna
be Fun ZoŽ's night.
All right, listen, bitch.
How about you let me drive tonight?
- You're pushing my head. Nope.
- It's my head.
- Suck it.
- All I know is
- when I have to pee, my balls hurt.
- Brett?
Can she see me?
I got this.
Where is Maggie?
She's with Veronica.
This is my night.
- My night.
- Yeah, and it's my reunion too.
So just...
and...
That is what he sounded like to me.
- Like he had a fart for a mouth?
- Y... So you've met him?
Okay, shake it off.
Hey, ZoŽ.
- Oh, God.
- Oh, my God. Aniq.
Sorry about that. I don't know
my own strength, I guess.
It's Aniq.
He's still kind of adorable, right?
Yeah, adorable like the cards
Maggie gives you on Mother's Day.
Yeah, I'll see you inside.
Oh, come on. He was always so sweet,
and we would joke around in chem and...
No. Uh-uh. It's my night,
and we are not gonna have a conversation
- with the nice, safe guy tonight.
- Hi.
We used to do dumb shit just because,
you know, we could. And it was fun.
So we're gonna wild out and find
the hottest, funnest guy at this party,
and we are going to smash mouths.
- ZoŽ! So good to see you.
- So good and amazing.
Girls, I have been waiting
for this night for so long.
Remember prom?
I can't wait to catch up
and get fucked up like we used to.
No.
Why... I mean, no way.
Wha... Why didn't you tell me?
We didn't know how to tell you.
Or really when would be the right time.
- Because your life is a mess.
- A hot mess.
I'm gonna go drink because I'm not
pregnant, and I can do whatever I want.
- Sorry. Bye. Love you, girl.
- Love you.
What is that? What are they doing?
Oh, yeah,
that's the face people make at us now.
They don't know
how to talk about the divorce,
so instead they make this face
with sad puppy dog eyes
like we're a five-year-old
who just dropped her ice-cream cone.
How are you? Are you okay?
I can't imagine going through this.
How is Maggie doing with it all?
If my husband left me,
I would kill myself.
But not you. Don't you do that. No.
- This is not fun.
- Welcome to my world.
Okay, you know what? Just like
prom, we are making our own fun.
Wait. What are you doing?
Going to the club
And having sex
The DJ is my pillow
And the music's my bed
Hey. Oh. No, it's cool. Walt.
Wait. No, no, no.
This is not on the list. We can't sing.
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I'd take back those words
that've hurt you
And you'd stay
All right!
If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
- Hot. Fun. Dumb.
- What are you talking about?
He with whom we shall freaking out make.
Eugene? He's just the same weirdo he was
in high school but with a sneaker deal.
Yeah, but he's famous.
Women throw themselves at that guy.
Gross. We are not a groupie.
No. We're a fellow artist.
He makes art, right?
- Define "art."
- And he's celebrated for it.
Isn't that what we want?
Maybe. I... I don't know what I want.
Respect it good
Attend this reunion like you should
- Oh, my God.
- Right now
This is the wrong song.
- Oh, no. We should save him, right?
- My neck
My back
Marion Barry did some crack
- Remember him?
- A sexy rock star is making eyes at us.
I need you to focus.
My neck
Thank God.
Thought she was singing to me.
- It's okay, man.
- I have to admit, Xavier was fun.
I mean, I'm fun.
At least for a minute.
I've actually been kind of stressed.
I have this giant big movie role
coming up. It's an important picture.
Problem is I need to get this
character's laugh down before we shoot.
I want it to be really
authentic, like...
All right, how does this sound?
I've been practicing a bit.
What the hell?
He's so method.
You... I don't know. You go.
I wanna learn from you.
Okay. That's an okay start. I like it.
But maybe, like, louder and bigger.
You know,
like I just said something super funny.
Go back to your chambers. I am flirting.
I can't wait to talk
from my mouth into your ear.
Great. He was into us.
Hi. Oh, I mean, hey.
Think your neck and back and the rest
of you might be up for an encore?
Nah, I should probably
leave the singing to Xavier.
I am thinking about taking my shirt off.
Oh, so now you laugh naturally?
I'm having actual fun.
Oh, my God. These
boobs are wasted on you.
I am not ready for this.
Should we just, like, go home?
- No. I will not be taken...
- You know,
I've always wanted
to see the teachers' lounge.
Grab a bottle. I'll grab my key.
Something hard, not like wine.
It's a screw top.
Oh, God.
Let's go.
This is going incredible.
You're coming across winning.
Nerdy but cool. Hot but also
holy shit. You know what I mean?
This whole night,
I've been chasing her around.
I never really noticed
what was going on with her.
It's not your fault. You didn't know.
Oh, hello, beautiful.
Hey. How's... How's everybody...
- Talking about the charger.
- Yeah, I...
- Jesus Christ.
- Yep, yep, yep. Walt.
Ha. No, it's taken. Look, 28%.
Anything less than 30 is actually rude.
Oh, my God. Accused of murder,
and you still won't unplug a phone.
- No one'll notice. Real quick.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Hey. Hi. What's going on?
Yasper's phone is about to die.
Bummer. Here's the thing.
As you can see, mine is less than 30%,
and that's kind of the universal standard.
- Anything less is pretty rude.
- I totally get that.
But ours is under 5%,
and we're in a bit of an emergency.
- If we could just plug it in?
- Here's the thing.
- Jennifer 2 is lying in a ditch somewhere...
- All right. No, we got it.
- trying to text me. And my phone is dead.
- We'll find something else.
It's so cool you work here now.
Yeah. So cool.
Yeah. I took a subbing gig
after college to make money
while working toward a gallery show
and then I got my own art classroom.
Then they offered me vice principal,
and it just seemed like
what I was supposed to do, you know?
Is that what you really wanted?
- Yeah. Maybe?
- No.
- No.
- I guess I don't know.
- You've been a good influence on decor.
- I painted this with my students.
I had a whole plan, but the minute
there's other people involved,
nothing works out
the way you thought it would.
You see,
but that's what's so great about it.
- Yeah?
- Because you had to live with mistakes.
Always forces you to learn new moves.
I guess he is kind of cute
in this lighting.
- Oh, no.
- ZoŽ, just the person I was talking for.
Looking to. For, to talk.
Oops.
- Nope. We are not doing this now.
- No, no, no. We're not doing this ever.
Wait. I need to say what I say.
You know...
Stay away from me!
Who the hell was that?
Oh yeah, I have a tiny ragey side of me
that comes out when I'm provoked.
- Should we...
- They'll be fine.
Wow, this is exactly how
I thought it would smell.
Like old wet paper.
Oh yeah, that's weed.
Kids still bring throwing stars
and dildos to school?
Some things never change.
It's kinda beautiful.
- Drugs.
- Wait, some of those are laced with...
We can cross this off the list.
List? What list?
it's all the stuff I wanted to
do tonight. It's stupid. I know.
Are you kidding? I love lists.
Of course, you do.
Real wild there.
Are you feeling this yet?
You'll know when I'm feeling it.
I'm an entirely different per...
Okay, okay.
Like, have you ever considered
how deep down we're all just
lost children looking for the womb?
This reunion is a rewombion.
Oh, God. I forgot I get like this
when we do drugs.
It's like I'm all these
different versions of me, right?
So, like, is this "me" me
or a performance of me?
Okay. Now you're definitely high.
There's more to everyone
than just one thing, right?
But now that my life is changing so much,
I can't figure out which "me" to be.
You know, the thing I like about
escape rooms on, like, a deeper level
is that they make you feel stuck,
even hopeless.
But eventually,
everyone finds their way through.
Except for some members
of the Minnesota Vikings one time.
That is so deep, man.
You know I had a crush on you
in high school, right?
What? I had no idea.
It was pretty obvious.
What is this guy doing?
Oh, God. Oh, God. Code red.
He is coming in hot for a kiss.
I say we go for it.
What does your heart feel?
I'm on board,
but only if it doesn't mean we're, like,
stuck with him the whole night.
- Mommy!
- Maggie?
What are you doing here?
Family emergency.
- That is a fucking lie.
- Absolutely.
I called Brett like a thousand times,
but no answer.
What?
Let me ask you something.
If Maggie wouldn't have showed up...
would you have kissed Aniq?
Is that relevant to the case?
- It establishes state of mind.
- Okay.
And yes, I may be a little curious.
I wanna know.
I mean, I don't know.
To tell you the truth, I have been
kissing the same guy since I was 17.
- Damn.
- So to see a different mouth coming at me,
it was... really weird.
I thought, "What if I'm bad
at kissing someone else?"
I don't know how to tilt my head,
or if I was going for the top lip or the
bottom lip or whether I even wanted to.
- Was his mouth open or closed?
- The latter.
- So he was giving you one of these?
- Yes.
Yeah, yeah. That mean he like you.
Yeah, cause if they go like this...
they just tryna get it in you.
Shit. I think that Culp is following us.
Oh, my God. All of his props, dude.
From... From Yahtzee, the movie!
"I did Yahtzee that coming!"
- Dude, chill. I'm trying to listen.
- Yeah. Yeah.
Dude, it's Xavier's unreleased biography,
IX. I wonder if he mentions me in it.
What?
Dude, this is the only place
they didn't let us go into
when we were installing the A/V equipment.
It almost feels like a panic room.
Oh, no!
- What did you do?
- Yeah. I think we're in a panic room.
- I can't hear anything.
- We get no reception.
- Help! Help!
- We're definitely in a panic room.
Stop saying "panic room."
Dude, this is the safest place
we could be.
I don't wanna be in the safest place.
I wanna hear this conversation.
- You shouldn't be in a panic room then.
- Yasper, I love you.
If you say "panic room"
one more time, I'm gonna flip.
- Okay, my bad.
- Thank you.
We are in a panic room though.
What? Where in the hell are...
Those hungry, hungry
hippos have lost their marbles.
Wait, don't you run an escape room?
Well, help us escape from this room.
Yasper, it doesn't work like that.
Don't do this.
- It's what I do when I'm thinking.
- Okay.
Oh, look at this.
We got something. Here we go.
This is something. Look at this.
Can you read lips?
- Yes. 100%. You want me to now?
- Yes, please.
Okay. Oh, my teeth. My teeth.
ZoŽ, what do you think of Aniq?
Dude, what do you think of Aniq?
I like... I like broth.
My aunt's got weird floppies.
The Hamburger Helper glove...
You can say you don't read lips.
I read lips. Give me a second.
So I found Brett,
managed not to eat him alive,
and then I just
tried to get back to my evening.
Fine!
- So do you have to head home?
- Hell, nah.
Fun ZoŽ is in charge,
and the last time that happened,
the night ended with me getting my hair
dyed by a stranger behind a Circle K.
So let's get to the after-party.
Okay. How are you gettin' to there?
'Cause I got my whip.
By which I mean a car.
ZoŽ! Come fly with me.
Yes! Fun!
Ladies first.
Thank you, sir.
We can't bail on Aniq.
Come on. It's on the list.
Hop aboard.
Aniq?
So, are you still an artist, or...
OMG. He remembered. He is so sweet.
You know what? I really dig your shit.
Fellow artists, he digs our shit.
I mean, thank you.
That's nice of you to say.
Hey. Yo, shit, rap on this.
- You should do my next album cover.
- Really?
Aight, tell me if you think
this is a bad idea.
I mean, it's not.
But, like, what if I'm a tiger,
but my fur is, like, money.
And I'm being held by a big, hot baby.
And what if the baby had
a full arm sleeve tattoo of my face.
But not one of those regular,
like, fat babies,
but, like, a hot one
with cheekbones and shit, you know?
And he's like, you
know... He's, like, cut.
I want people to look at it and be like,
"Wow! That baby takes care of its body."
Help.
I don't know how to smoothly transition
the convo away from whatever this is.
We could set off the fire alarm?
"Bye Bye Birdie"?
That was my favorite play we did.
Wow. You still keep this around?
Nah, I keep it around to remind myself
what a nerdy loser I was.
'Cause now
I'm Conrad motherfucking Birdie!
Star of the show, baby.
Actually, the star is Albert,
the nerdy songwriter.
It's not called "Bye Bye, Albert."
You remember that?
Of course, I do.
I loved doing those shows.
It's so funny, right?
In high school, you were, like,
out of my league and now...
You're in it
- It's happening.
- What is?
Lyrics.
I got over being under you
Are you into being under me
You were out of my league
But now you're into my heart
So, when would you need
a mock-up of the album art?
I could work up a sketch for you.
Yeah, whatever.
The art thing was, like, "I care."
You know, I do,
but really it was just a way
to get you up here.
You know, women sometimes
feel awkward telling me,
"I wanna have sex with you, Xavier."
'Cause I'm famous, right?
So, I always try to
ease their discomfort
by giving them an excuse
to come to my bedroom.
I'm sensitive like that.
Oh, no. What do we do?
I don't know. Do anything.
- Brett?
- You stay away from my wife.
You broke my branded shrimp tower?
- Listen, I...
- Where is...
She's at my parents'. It's fine.
Take it easy. Relax.
Relax?
Relax? I will destroy...
He isn't worth it, Ragey.
- ZoŽ?
- ZoŽ?
The phone is at 2%.
- We've gotta get out of here.
- Try not to panic.
A button.
Detective Culp, Detective Culp.
- Culp. It's Culp. Hey.
- Culp?
Oh, my goodness.
What are you doing right here?
Can I help you, gentlemen?
- No need. We're good. Are you good?
- Hell yeah, I'm good.
- Doing good.
- We're good.
Oh, you're sharing earbuds I see.
Whatcha listening to?
Just some tunes. Yeah.
Tunes? That's crazy. I love tunes.
What are you listening to? What music?
I don't think you'd dig this tune.
It's more like... Like...
It's like a...
And then... And then...
- Then the cat's like...
- There's a cat in it.
I'd give anything
to listen to that right now.
If you don't mind giving me
a whirl with the EarPod.
You sure? It's a... It's
probably pretty unsanitary.
- It's in my ear. I had ear infections.
- I can wipe it off.
I've been eating wax-inducing foods.
- I'll wipe it off, gang.
- Okay. Yeah.
Okay.
- Sure. Yeah. Okay.
- It's a lot of wax.
Wiping it off.
There you go. Wiped it off.
I don't hear anything.
That's because the phone was
about to die anyway and now it is.
- It's dead.
- Oh, yeah.
That's why we were out.
We were looking for a charger.
That's crazy. I have a charger on me.
Why didn't you guys just ask?
Why wouldn't we ask a police officer
for help in a stressful situation?
I don't know. Maybe
all of human history?
Okay. Take the charger if you need it.
Thank you very much.
And the... Thank you.
- Good to see you.
- You too.
And I'm psyched that you love tunes.
Well, then Brett did something
I always wondered if he was capable of.
I just...
never thought he would actually do it.
I'm sorry.
- What?
- What did he just say?
I made you feel nuts for not
wanting to stay in this marriage.
And I want you to know you're not.
It's not good enough.
I'm not good enough. Not for you.
I may not be able to
earn back your heart,
but I'm gonna do what I can
to earn back your trust.
Maybe not everything has to work out
the way we thought it would.
And we can just...
live with the mistakes.
Is that a turkey or an eagle?
We married that.
Should we go find our whom?
To which whom do you refer?
He whom genuinely laugh does us make.
- Aniq.
- Yeah.
- What?
- They're listening to your interviews.
- I don't know how but I swear to God...
- Can we talk later?
I'm in the middle of something,
and it's starting to get juicy.
Okay. Where were we?
Hey, Captain. It's Culp.
So, did you ever find Aniq?
Yeah. I did. There
was just... one problem.
Oh, no. He has a guitar.
Why do guys think we like guitars?
Because we sort of do?
ZoŽ! ZoŽ, ZoŽ, ZoŽ, ZoŽ, ZoŽ.
You know, things have gone unsaid.
But I'm not gonna let myself un-say the
things that were said, that were said...
That were gonna be said. 'Cause
they're gonna... I'm gonna said 'em.
You are an angel. An angel
in the s... Among a sea of turds.
And I'm gonna sing a special song. 'Kay?
And I wanted to sing it earlier,
but this is my final door
that's open and closes open.
- Oh, no. What is he talking about?
- I don't know. This sucks.
This song has a lot of history. And
it goes a little something like this.
Oh, no. My pants.
This night was a total beef.
Sorry, me. I'm going to go back
to my little cage of regret.
See you whenever
the midlife crisis hits.
Wait.
Just take the win, okay?
You let me drive. I drove into a ditch.
Not this ditch. This is your ditch.
I mean the jerk upstairs.
That's just it though.
We spent the whole night chasing anyone
we could find to help us have fun,
but we don't need them to have fun.
We just need each other.
Now, that is deep.
I'm listening.
I made a to-do list,
damn it. Let's do it.
All for one, and fuck 'em all!
Do you think you should be...
Fun.
Those hungry, hungry hippos have lost...
Oops.
Okay, fun's over. Almost killed someone.
Was that on the list?
I know I'm, like,
not always a big part of "us,"
but maybe it's not healthy to only let
Fun ZoŽ out once every seven years.
Annoying Stoner ZoŽ's right.
We can't all be separated all the time,
or we go crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Self hug?
Baby girl, I'm so sad we didn't get
to spend more time together,
but I need you to know that
I will forever have your back, okay?
I've been sending Chelsea these psycho
little anonymous text messages
ever since we got here that are like,
"Back off or else."
Or like, "Stay the eff away
or I'm gonna ruin your life and get you
canceled on the Internet."
Isn't that so sneaky of
me and also hilarious?
My son, Jaxson, with an "x,"
taught me how to do it.
He uses it all the time in school.
Well, until he got suspended for,
like, literally no reason...
Why would you do that?
I don't want you to do that. At all.
- I'm just trying to help you, babe.
- You're not helping.
Come to think of it,
you've never helped me.
So let me get this right.
So you're saying Jennifer 2,
who's now missing,
is the one who was threatening Chelsea.
That's right.
Did you tell her?
No... You're missing the point.
We used to be friends in school.
Not like me and the Jennifers.
Like real friends.
We should talk.
So, we did.
And she hadn't become a monster.
She was just lonely and insecure
and full of regret. Like we all are.
I'm so sorry.
She apologized for everything.
I mean, it wasn't easy,
but I'm glad we talked.
Come here.
I'm less glad she went in for the hug.
Is Xavier upstairs? Where is he?
Have you seen him?
Is he upstairs?
Has anybody seen him?
Did he do this? Did he do this?
It's okay. It's okay.
- I'm wet. And pantsed. Again.
- We'll get you a towel. You're fine.
Oh, hello, ZoŽ. I wanna talk to you
after I chat with Xavier.
B-R-B. That's "be right back."
I'll be right back.
I think he's dead.
So, you didn't kill Xavier.
- No.
- But you said you had a confession.
I do.
I confess when I first found out
that Brett cheated on me,
I straight up thought I'd do life
in prison for stabbing him 137 times.
Because any one of us could snap.
You said that.
You're high. You're the stoner girl
right now. That's what this is.
- Okay, I get it. I get it.
- No, no, I'm not high.
Tell the story a certain way
and any one of us could've done this.
But tell the story in a different way
and... none of us did this.
What you're saying is,
no one killed Xavier.
'Cause he is dead.
And all signs lead to your boy, Aniq.
Somebody killed him.
But I don't think it was Aniq.
And I'm pretty sure you don't either.
All I'm asking is for you
to give him a chance to prove it.
Damn it, Culp. What did I tell you?
- I'm in the middle of some...
- I'm shutting you down now.
It's the Captain's orders.
You are relieved of your duty.
Boy, bye.
Anyways, back to this.
And I am serious.
You snitched.
There goes your memorabilia.