The Affair (2014–…): Season 5, Episode 10 - Episode #5.10 - full transcript

Previously on The Affair...

You were a good dad...

[door closes]

...and Mom
was a great mom and...

and we were happy.

‐Hello, friend.
‐Hello, friend.

[Whitney]
Or at least I thought we were.

Do you know why
I m‐married you?

I thought you were safe.

I knew you would never cheat,
you wouldn't leave,

and we would have a nice life.



It's so hard, living up to your
goddamn standards all the time.

Dad, what the fuck?!
[screams]

[Whitney] I thought that he'd
turned a corner or something.

After everything
he's already put us through.

Sometimes with toxic people,
you have

to make
a clean break.

[Noah over phone] "Over
the course of my reporting

on Solloway, six women,
three of whom

wish to remain anonymous..."

What?

‐[phone chimes]
‐Is that news?

[Noah] That was just a brushfire
near the Getty.

[Helen]
How did that reporter know

how to find Eden?



Because you told her?

I'm not the bad guy here.

Noah's name is off the movie,
his movie.

Because that's what you wanted.

This movie is my baby.

All of this is my fault.

Your dad didn't
do anything wrong.

Why are you still defending him?

Because he's your father,
and you guys need your father.

Don't say that.
This isn't about us.

This has never been about us.

What is it about?

You could never let him go.

♪ I was screaming
into the canyon ♪

♪ At the moment of my death ♪

♪ The echo I created ♪

♪ Outlasted my last breath ♪

♪ My voice it made
an avalanche ♪

♪ And buried a man
I never knew ♪

♪ And when he died,
his widowed bride ♪

♪ Met your daddy
and they made you ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ I have only one thing to do ♪

♪ And that's be the wave
that I am, and then ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean,
sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back into the o... ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back into the o... ♪

♪ Sink back into the ocean ♪

♪ Sink back
into the ocean ♪

[Whitney]
You're a narcissist.

You're a vampire.
You have no soul.

‐Whitney.
‐You burn through people,

and when you're done
using them,

you just leave them
on the side of the road.

All right, honey, calm down.

Alison probably
fucking killed herself

because of what you did to her.

‐Stop it!
‐And you?

You can't survive without him,
can you?

You're a codependent nightmare.

‐[Noah] Please, that's enough.
‐I fucking hate you both.

‐That's enough!
‐You deserve each other!

[Noah crying]

Is it true, what she said
about the hot tub?

I didn't know it was her. I...

[siren wailing in distance]

I...

I'm gonna go talk to her.

‐I'm gonna leave‐‐
‐No, you can't fucking leave.

Okay? You can't run away.

Because we have to fix this.

So I'm gonna go
talk to her,

and don't go anywhere.

[sighs]

Look, I know you're upset.

We're all upset.

It's been a terrible,
terrible day.

But...

...your dad...

Look, he's made mistakes.

Nobody knows that
better than I do.

But he's not a bad man.

I mean, don't you think he's
being punished enough right now?

By everybody?

By the world?

And, Whitney, I‐I don't think
this is the time to fight.

We need to support each other.

We're family.

What did you just say?

We're the only family
you have, Whitney.

We are not
a fucking family.

And I'm tired
of pretending like we are.

You're holding
onto a myth.

Okay, I know. You're upset.

Yes, I'm upset.
I'm very upset.

But I'm not crazy.

It's obviously
more important to you

to hold on to a fantasy
of being a perfect mom,

of being the one who held us
all together than it is

for you to admit that this whole
thing is a fucking charade.

Dad only cares about himself,
and you only care about Dad.

That is not true.

Yes, it is.

♪ slow, dramatic music ♪

Will you please
come back outside

and just talk to us?

I mean, you're getting married
in three weeks.

How‐how are we gonna do that if
you're not even talking to us?

I mean, how is he gonna
walk you down the aisle?

He's not.

What?

He's not gonna
walk me down the aisle

because he's not coming
to my wedding.

Of course he's invited
to your wedding.

He's your father.

You know,
he made you. He and I.

We made you. You wouldn't
be here without us.

‐You don't get it.
‐I do get it. I just think

you're being kind of
shortsighted right now

and actually
pretty fucking cruel.

You know,
all I want for myself in life

is not to end up like you.

Jesus. Fucking Noah.

[door opens]

[sighs]

Where's Dad?

He had to go take care of stuff.

[Colin]
Where's Whitney?

She's in the bedroom.

[Stacey]
What now?

[Trevor]
Well, I'm starving.

Wonder if Whitney's
got any food.

Mom, what now?

You're gonna have to
just give me a minute.

Okay, honey? Please.

[emergency alert sounding]

[line ringing]

[Noah]
Hi, it's Noah. Leave a message.

[line ringing]

Hi, it's Noah. Leave a message.

Mrs. Solloway?

Uh, Butler.
Call me Mrs. Butl...

No‐no, just call‐call me Helen.

[Colin]
Uh, I'm sorry to ask this

at what I know is
a very stressful time,

but might you have any idea

where Whitney's
birth certificate is?

Uh... wh... her birth... What?

[Colin] Yeah, we need it
to get our marriage license.

Oh, um...

Yeah, I'm sure I have it
somewhere. I can get it.

That would be great.

We actually are
about to miss the deadline,

and if we don't have that,
I'll miss the deadline

for my green card.

Shit.

‐What?
‐It's not at my house.

‐It's at Noah's house.
‐Why?

Because that's what happens
when you get divorced, Whitney.

You split up the the passports
and the birth certificates.

‐Why?
‐So neither one of us will,

I don't know, flee the country
with all of you guys.

I took Martin
and Stacey's,

your dad took yours
and Whitney's.

Why would you give mine to Dad?

Oh, clearly, because I was
trying to traumatize you.

I mean, what the fuck, Whitney?

We just divided 'em up randomly.

You know what?

Uh, I'm just gonna go get it.

‐Myself.
‐[Stacey] Wait, are you leaving?

Yeah. You're gonna be okay,
sweetheart.

Don't worry about it.
Your sister is here.

All right?
She can take care of you

for a little while. I think
it would be good for her

to be responsible for somebody
besides herself for a change.

[sighs]

See what it's like.

[newswoman] Voluntary
evacuations are underway

for Topanga Canyon
and surrounding areas.

The fire continues to grow,
with zero percent containment.

Fire officials
are suggesting anyone living

in the area to make
preparations to evacuate.

[newsman]
More than 200 firefighters

are already involved
in fighting the blaze,

with more on the...

♪ slow, somber music ♪

♪♪♪

Noah?

♪♪♪

Noah.

Noah, wake up.

Noah.

Come on. Noah.

[mutters]

[sighs]

[sighs]

[birds chirping]

[drawer opens]

How do you not know where it is?

It should be in here.

This is where I keep
most of my important stuff.

It's not there. I don't know
where the fuck it went.

Clearly.

Helen, it's not
in with my spoons.

Well, who knows?
It could be anywhere, right?

Could you stop doing that?

Why, I'm sorry,
is it bothering you?

‐Do you have a hangover?
‐Stop that! Stop it!

How the fuck did you not know
it was her in the hot tub?

What are you really asking?

Because I find it highly
improbable you could get

that close to your own daughter
and not recognize her.

Oh, so you're saying
that I‐I did recognize her?

And I went after her?

Helen?

‐No.
‐Are you sure? 'Cause if that's

‐what you really think‐‐
‐I don't, I don't.

So you're just trying
to make me feel like

a complete shit for no reason?

No, no, not for no reason!

There's a reason.

Years ago,
you traumatized our daughter

and you never even
fucking mentioned it!

And at this point,
Noah, I don't know

if you're stupid or evil
or crazy or all three.

But you really should definitely
feel like a complete shit.

‐I do!
‐Good!

What was she even doing
at that party, Helen?

‐Oh, my God.
‐She was in high school.

What was she doing
out in Montauk

by herself, in a hurricane?

Are you really trying
to say that this is my fault?

Oh, no, of course not.
Nothing's ever your fault.

Oh, please. You are incredible.

I am so fucking tired
of you lecturing me.

With your self‐important,
fucking self‐righteous,

holier‐than‐thou...

You don't think I fucking hate
myself for that night?

That was the worst night
of my life‐‐

‐Oh, my God. Your life?
‐Yes!

My life. My fucking life!

I lost my daughter that night.
You don't think I know that?!

You don't think
I've been trying ever since

to try and make it up to her?

I would do anything‐‐ anything‐‐
to undo what happened.

And finally,
finally,

last week in Montauk, I...

preparing for the wedding,
we had fun and...

[sighs]

We were
father and daughter again.

If I could just give her that.

If I can just
give her a good wedding

with us all there together

‐having fun, then‐‐
‐She doesn't want you there.

What do you mean?

I mean, you're not invited
to the wedding.

What, she said that?

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, wow.

[chuckles]

What's this?
"Dear‐dear Helen..."?

That's the letter I wrote to you
the night before our wedding.

Why do you have it?

'Cause I found it
in the trash

in your parents'
guest room the next day,

and so I fished it out
and kept it.

What does it say?

"Dear Helen."

"I can't believe tomorrow
is our wedding day."

"I love you so much.

You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.

I know we've had
some hard times,

but I'm so glad we've
stuck it out." [chuckles]

"I love what we have
and are building together,

and I think you and I
are worth the effort."

"I have countless
superlatives for you,

but at the risk of belaboring,

I think you're beautiful..."

...uh, "sexy, brilliant,
kind, tough, strong,

brave, gentle, creative,
funny, thoughtful.

You're a really good person,
but mostly you're the person

whom I'm most excited
to see every day.

I'm so grateful
you're gonna be my wife.

Love, Noah."

[clears throat]

♪ slow, dramatic music ♪

♪♪♪

Did you think I threw that away?

I didn't know.

Well, I wouldn't have. I just...

I probably just
put it somewhere.

I'm so careless.

You used to write me letters
like this all the time.

Well, I wanted to be a writer.

Yeah, and I just assumed

there'd be more of them,
that they'd just keep coming.

I never imagined
you'd stop loving me.

[banging on door]

‐Hi.
‐Hey.

Hi, folks. We're starting
a mandatory evacuation.

[Noah]
I'm sorry, what?

[sheriff]
The winds shifted overnight.

The fire's headed
towards the canyon.

‐Shit.
‐It's only a few miles away now

and it's burning quickly.
You have to leave.

You mean, like, right now?

Yes, and if you have
a car, there are

a few people making their way
down the main road on foot.

We're asking people with any
extra room to pick them up.

Okay, yeah, sure.

‐We'll see you down there.
‐Yeah.

Okay, what...?
Should we just do...

get some water bottles
or something? Or, uh...

Do you have a fire extinguisher?

Is that a stupid idea?

What about Whitney's
birth certificate?

You know what? Fuck it.

There are other ways to get
a birth certificate. Come on.

Put your shoes on.

What are you doing?

I can't go.

What?

‐I'm not going.
‐What are you talking about?

I don't know
what to take, Helen.

Nothing. Take nothing.
I mean, we don't have any time.

Well, I‐I‐I can't just leave it
here. What if it burns?

So let it burn.
It's all just stuff.

It's not just stuff.
It's all I've got.

‐Noah.
‐Helen,

you don't understand.
You have the kids, I don't.

They don't want anything
to do with me anymore.

This is all I've got left.

Everything that happened,
it's here, it's all this...

photo albums and letters and...

I can't just leave it. I can't.

Okay. Fine, we'll put it all in
the fucking car. Let's just go.

‐No... you go. I'm‐I'm staying.
‐No, I'm not leaving here‐‐

Just fucking go, Helen!

What are you doing here anyway?

‐What do you mean?
‐Why did you come here?

I... because... [stammers]

to find the‐the
birth certificate.

Well, you could've
just called me,

‐told me to look for it.
‐I did call you.

I called you twice
and you didn't answer.

No, I think Whitney's right.
I think you, I think you have...

I think you have some weird
codependency with me

or some obsession,
I‐I don't know what it is.

It's not right.

Are you serious right now?

It's not appropriate, Helen.
I'm not your husband anymore.

You shouldn't be here.

I hope you burn.

[helicopter blades whirring]

You guys want a ride?

That would be great,
thank you.

All right, get in.

All right, I got it.

‐Thank you.
‐Yeah.

‐Thank you.
‐Where's the...? Ah.

[car chimes]

Okay, let's go.

I'm Anna.
This is John.

Th‐Thank you again.

Our car broke down
the other day.

I was gonna fix it this morning,
but my wife is so pregnant...

Thank you, seriously.

It's gonna be okay.

This car was built to
withstand a chemical attack,

so it's gonna be okay.
You all right?

I think there's some water
back there in the door.

[car horns honking]

[John]
What's that noise?

[Anna]
What's happening?

[honking continues]

[sighs]

Oh, my God.

[fire truck horn honks]

[sirens wailing]

[Helen]
Where is the apocalypse button?

How do you survive
chemical warfare

in this car?

[Anna] It was your fucking idea
to move here, John.

I wanted to live
in Marina del Rey,

but you were like,

"Let's move to Topanga. That
way nobody will bother us."

I like when
people bother us.

I like having
people around.

We're about to have a baby,
for Christ's sakes.

[John]
Yeah, I know.

[Anna] So maybe it's time
for you to get over

your fucking
social anxiety,

take your Xanax,
and face the world.

It's not just
you anymore.

‐There's three of us now.
‐[siren chirps]

‐[motorcycle approaching]
‐Oh, great.

‐Excuse me, Officer.
‐[John coughs]

Would you please roll up
the window, please?

There's
too much smoke.

Look, I'm gonna
take care of you, okay?

Of you and the peanut.

I promised that I would,
and I will.

You've been doing a real
bang‐up job of it so far.

Look, the fire is not my fault,
Anna, okay? I didn't set it.

I didn't say you
fucking set it, John.

I said we shouldn't have been
here in the fucking first place.

Okay, you guys, I'm sorry
to interrupt, okay,

but this is, this is
not helping, all right?

I know
you're scared,

but screaming at each other
is just a waste of time,

and it's just...
it's just a waste of energy,

and it's gonna dehydrate you.

All right,
you're gonna be parents.

You're a team now,
you have to remember that.

What does this do?

‐[air blowing]
‐[car chimes]

[sighs]
Bingo.

Okay.

[inhales and exhales deeply]

Okay, we can relax.

Just have to wait for this
traffic to get moving.

‐[siren wailing]
‐[helicopter blades whirring]

♪ There's no ♪

♪ Saving anything ♪

♪ Now we're swallowing
the shine of the sun ♪

♪ There's no ♪

♪ Saving anything ♪

♪ How we swallow the sun ♪

♪ But I won't be
no runaway... ♪

[newsman]
It's moving incredibly quickly,

and at zero percent contained,

it's still considered
a very dangerous situation.

The Santa Ana winds
died down last night,

but they're expected
to pick back up this afternoon,

which could mean more
evacuations in Los Angeles

and Ventura Counties.
Now back to you, Molly.

[Molly]
Thanks, Charles.

We go now to Suzie Lee,
who's live with a member

of our brave
Los Angeles Fire Department,

with some advice for people
based on recent experience.

Suzie.

Thanks, Molly.
I'm here with Dan Foster.

Dan, you've faced
this sort of thing before.

What advice would you give
people in this situation?

[Dan] Well, these things
are unpredictable, uh,

but I guess something
my captain told me years ago

has always stayed with me.

He said,
in circumstances like these,

"movement is life."
If you move, you live.

If you stay, you die.

So if they're telling you
to leave, people, leave.

Don't wait, just go.

♪ slow, somber music ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[grunts]

Fuck.

[line ringing]

[Whitney] Hi, it's Whitney.
Leave a message.

[typing]

♪ pensive music ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[line ringing]

[Whitney] Hi, it's Whitney.
Leave a message.

Whit, I, uh...

[helicopter passing outside]

[Jeffries] Why don't you
tell me how it began?

[Alison] Oh, it was so long ago,
who remembers?

[Jeffries] We're hoping
that you do, Ms. Bailey.

[Alison] It all began
on a dark and stormy night.

‐[chuckles]
‐Oh, God, no.

I'm kidding. Please...
don't write that down.

[Jeffries] Do you remember
seeing him for the first time?

[Alison]
Yeah.

[Jeffries] Do you remember
what you thought?

Ms. Bailey?

[Alison] No, but I remember
he was holding his daughter.

♪ gentle music ♪

♪♪♪

Look, I can't really tell you
what I was thinking.

That first year, everything
was still such a blur.

But I do remember
the sun was really bright,

like, unusually strong
for so early in the season.

There was no place to hide.

I liked this one spot
by the lighthouse.

The waves out there seemed
even angrier than I was.

[stops playback]

[taps key]

[Jeffries]
How old were you when it began?

[Alison]
I was 31 years old.

I remember promising myself
I'd get to 35.

I'd make it through till then.

And if nothing had changed...

...well, then
I had tried hard enough.

‐♪♪♪
‐[dialogue inaudible]

[stops playback]

Oh, Alison.

I'm so sorry.

Wish I could go back and...

♪ slow, somber music ♪

♪♪♪

[Jeffries]
Mr. Solloway, hi.

Thanks for coming in.

[Noah] Not like I had
much of a choice.

[Jeffries]
Well, we'll try not to take up

too much of your time.

So, can you tell us a bit
about who you were back then?

Mr. Solloway?

[Noah] Uh, I don't
understand the question.

What exactly
do you want to know?

[Jeffries] How were you
feeling about your life?

[Noah]
Fine. Fine.

[Jeffries]
Can you say a little more?

[Noah] Great.
I was feeling great, you know?

My children were healthy.
My wife was beautiful.

My life was
pretty fucking perfect.

I‐I was a happy man back then.

I... was proud of my family,

my first book
had just come out, I...

Everything I'd promised myself
I'd achieve

when I was a young man,
I... I'd done it.

[Jeffries]
But...

[Noah] Well, that's it.
There is no "but."

When I look back, I... I can't
tell you why it happened.

I was restless, sure,
but all men are restless.

But you give up
certain personal liberties

to live in a secure state.

On all levels.

National. Municipal. Marital.

I never had any problem
with that.

I enjoyed being married.

When other men used to complain
about their wives,

I'd just think, "Poor sucker
made a bad choice."

‐[taps key]
‐I enjoyed being married.

When other men used to complain
about their wives,

I'd just think, "Poor sucker
made a bad choice."

[taps key]

[rapid banging on door]

‐Hi.
‐Hey.

I saw your car.
I figured you were still here.

I'm sorry, who are you?

Uh, Ned, I'm from next door.

Been there for 50 years
and I am not leaving.

That's what I told the sheriff.

Well, I am.
I'm leaving right now.

Well, you can't.
It's‐it's too late.

What?

I just spoke
to the sheriff.

The fire is coming down
the canyon.

You can't get out.

‐Really?
‐You can't go.

‐You got to shelter in place.
‐What?

Yeah, clean your gutters,

rake your yard,
hose down your house,

put wet towels
underneath your door,

fill up the bathtub.

And if you've got a basement,
well, that's even better.

But you can't go.

Topanga Canyon is
completely gridlocked.

How much time do we have?

Uh, m‐maybe an hour.

Maybe two hours.

You know, they're‐they're
trying to move people

into the fire station.

That is a fool's errand
if you ask me.

I'm going.
Good luck.

Yeah. Nice house.

You can have it.

‐[sirens wailing]
‐[excited chatter]

‐[helicopter blades whirring]
‐[people coughing]

‐[coughing]
‐Stay with them, stay with them.

♪ dramatic music ♪

♪♪♪

Helen?

‐Don't even think
about it, fucker!
‐Ah, fuck.

Okay. Okay, fuck, fine.
Fuck you.

[coughing]

Helen. Open the window.

No, there's too much smoke.

‐We have to get out of here.
‐What?

Open up.
Come on, get out.

What the fuck, Noah?

The fire's coming.
We have to get out of here.

No. They just told us
to stay.

‐Who did?
‐Some... this guy.

He said the traffic's
starting to move

down at the bottom; we just have
to wait a few minutes.

It's not true.
The‐the fire is an hour away.

We have to get out of here.

Don't worry, look. You see
this ridge right here?

I've hiked it before.
There's a fire road up here,

it goes all the way
down to the ocean.

We just have to get up there.

Okay, what about them?

Who the fuck are they?

I don't... I picked them up.
They don't have a car. [coughs]

Okay, well,
they'll have to come with us.

‐She's pregnant.
‐Oh, fuck, look, Helen,

I don't know what to say,
but we have to go.

Movement is life.
If we stay here,

we'll probably fucking die.

Fuck.

[man] Forget the
car, we got to go.

[coughing]

Ah, fuck.

‐They coming?
‐No. Now what?

Here.

[coughs]

Take this.
Follow me.

‐[horns honking]
‐[helicopter blades whirring]

Okay, we need to get down there,
cross the ravine,

‐and hike up the other side.
‐That's miles.

It's not, it's okay.
We can do it.

‐No. No way.
‐Helen,

I know you're scared,
but you got to trust me.

[helicopter passing]

Shit.

[horns honking]

All right?

♪ contemplative music ♪

♪♪♪

[helicopter passing]

♪♪♪

[Helen]
Is this how we're gonna die?

Probably not.

[sighs]

Jesus, I don't
want to die.

Neither do I, so let's
just keep going.

[Helen] You seemed pretty
resigned to it three hours ago.

Yeah, I guess I was.

And?

Why, you disappointed?

What happened?

Ah, you'll think I'm nuts.

Try me.

I listened
to the recordings

of the depositions that Alison
and I gave to Jeffries.

Yeah?

I don't know, it was...

It was just hearing
my own voice from back then,

it reminded me
of something I used to know.

What?

How to be happy.

Eh, you think I'm crazy.

I keep thinking about
what Whitney said,

that her worst fear is
really turning into me.

She was upset.
She didn't mean it.

No, she absolutely meant it.

Said I was codependent.

If Whitney turns out
anything like you,

she should count herself
fucking lucky.

I don't know,
maybe she's right.

Maybe I am a pathetic,
desperate enabler.

I've never been able to
stand on my own two feet.

You're not.

Well, thank you,
but I'm not sure

I can trust your opinion.

Well, what about what
she said about me?

What'd she say?

That I burn through people,

that I use them up
and discard them.

Think she's right about that?

You want the truth?

Yeah, I know.

‐You do?
‐Yeah, of course I do.

Well, why do you do it?

Wish I knew.

I always thought it was because
you were so deeply insecure,

you were afraid if you stayed
with someone long enough,

they'd find out how
inadequate you are.

Thanks.

I know it sounds harsh,
but we're basically

flirting with death
here, right?

Oh, fuck.

I mean, I might not get
another chance to‐‐

Helen, wait.

Oh, shit.

I guess we climb down.

Oh, my God.

♪ suspenseful music ♪

We can't hike back.
That's not an option.

Yeah, but I can't
climb down that.

‐I mean, I ca... I can't.
‐It's not that far.

Oh, God.

Okay... okay, look.

How about I go first

‐and find a way down?
‐No.

And then, if I fall, at least
the kids'll have you.

‐Oh, my God, no! Wait.
‐No, no, but if I make it...

‐What?! We'll just wait.
‐I'll make it.

I'll make it, okay?
And I'll guide you down.

And then, if you fall,
I'll catch you.

[laughs]
I'll crush you.

‐That's insane.
‐You're okay.

I mean, it's idiotic.
It's just,

there's got to be
another way out of here

if we just hike back to...

Oh, my God, Noah!

Shit. Just follow me.

Noah! Noah!

♪ dramatic music ♪

♪♪♪

[breathing heavily]

♪ exciting, suspenseful music ♪

♪♪♪

Noah!

I'm okay. I'm okay.

[straining]

Okay, your turn.

Helen?

Come on, you can do this.

No, I'm good.

You should just go get help,
and come back and get me.

Helen, y‐you can't just sit
there. Tha‐That's not an option.

I think it is.

You have to trust me.

[scoffs]
Why would I trust you?

Every time I trust you,
something terrible happens.

Helen, please.

The kids,
the kids need you.

I need you.

We can't do this without you.

Please come down.

Oh, fuck.

Okay, that's great!
That's great.

[chuckles]
You got it.

♪ slow, suspenseful music ♪

♪♪♪

Go on, that's it.

You got it.

That's it.
You got it, you got it.

Okay, there's a hold
just a few inches down.

Test it first.

‐Oh, my God.
‐Ah, fuck!

Oh, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'm stuck.

No, you're not.

There's a foothold just below
the one you just tested.

[breathing heavily]

Ugh. I can't reach it.

Yes, you can, but you have
to let go of your right hand

and bend your knee.

Where's this foot?

Shit, okay.

That's it.

It's just, like... it's,
like, two inches below

where you want it to be.

Helen, y‐you can't just freeze.
You have to keep going.

Movement is life.

You know what?
Could you please fucking stop

mansplaining to me right now?!

I'm not mansplaining.

I'm...

I'm... Look, you're hanging
from a fucking rock face

and you might die.

I‐I'm just
trying to help.

I am not gonna fucking die,
and the only reason

I'm hanging from a rock face
is because of you.

Because you don't plan.

You don't think ahead.

You just do what you want,
and you don't think about

the consequences.

I don't think that's fair.

And another thing.

What the fuck is up with this
"movement is life" bullshit?

That is just something
that men say.

Oh.

"I couldn't stay
with my wife.

I had to leave my family
because...

'movement is life.'"

It's such self‐serving hogwash.

[panting]

[laughs]

Ooh.

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

‐[exhales] Ooh.
‐[chuckles]

Nice work.

You can hit me
if you want to.

[chuckles]

[laughs]

Helen.

Look.

‐[Helen] Oh, my God.
‐[chuckles]

We did it.

Come on. Let's go.

Is that the ravine?

[Noah]
Yeah.

Now we just have to go
all the way back up.

So we were gonna have
a buffet 'cause it's cheaper,

but it's gonna be impossible
to keep the food warm

‐in those weather conditions.
‐[Helen] Isn't the tent heated?

Yeah, but it's probably
gonna be below freezing,

so I think maybe we should
just get 'em to plate it

and then cancel the steak.

Half their friends
are vegan anyway.

I can't believe
you did all that.

‐[chuckles] What?
‐You planned the whole wedding.

You want to know a secret?

‐I really enjoyed it.
‐[both laugh]

I'll talk to her.
I'll get her to change her mind.

No, no, don't, don't.

Don't. It's what she wants,
and I don't want to...

Just‐just let it be.

[exhales]

Can I ask you something
I don't understand?

Of course.

I don't understand how you can
be so compassionate sometimes

and sometimes so... cruel.

I mean, we all have our darkness
and our bad qualities,

but‐but with you, the...

Dichotomy is extreme?

Yes.

Yeah, I've asked myself
the same question.

I don't know, I thought
about my childhood.

My mother was always dying
and my father was never there,

and when he was,
he was so angry...

I just wanted
to be somewhere else.

Someone else. And then...

and then I got to college

and I met you, and, and you
looked at me with fresh eyes

and you told me
how much potential I had

and that I was gonna be
this great artist.

I remember thinking to myself‐‐
I actually said to myself‐‐

"Don't get caught.

Don't let her see the cracks,
and you'll be okay."

‐Really?
‐Yeah. Really.

And I'm sorry, I...

That's no way to begin
a relationship, but...

I know that now.

You can't lie your way
through a marriage,

hiding from the one person
who knows you better

than anyone else
and resenting her

when she starts
to figure it out.

And then hating her
for loving you anyway.

Because what kind
of an idiot must she be

if she can't see
what a loser you really are?

That's what I did
to you, and...

I put my self‐hatred
onto you.

And I'm really fucking sorry.

I was lying, too.

No, you weren't. You're the most
honest person I know.

No, I was.

I mean, I tried to make you
think I was this cool girl,

this cool, easygoing person.

[laughs]
You...

‐You were never easygoing.
‐Well...

[laughs]
You know, you know what I mean.

Independent.

You know... autonomous.

‐You sure had me convinced.
‐I know I did.

But I wasn't...
[stammers]

I really wasn't even
a person then.

I was like a‐a performance
of a person.

And all I really wanted

was someone to save me
from Bruce and Margaret.

And then what I did to you
was so unfair

because I, I‐I brought you
into my family

with the promise of all
of this opportunity,

and I knew my dad
would be threatened by you.

And then I just set you up
to be the obstacle.

Like, to just take the heat,
fight the fights.

I mean, I never stood up
for you against them.

I said I did, but I didn't.

No, you didn't.

So I'm sorry, too.

[laughs softly]

Well, okay.

[Helen]
Can I ask you another question?

Anything.

If you had never met Alison,

if we had stayed in
the city and not gone

to my parents' house that
summer like you wanted to,

do you think we would
still be together?

I mean, would I ever
have been enough for you?

Which answer do you want?

The truth.

It was me who wasn't enough.
It wasn't you.

I said to Jeffries I had
no idea why it happened,

but that's not true.

I just felt so bad
about myself back then.

I'd been writing
that first book for what?

Seven years? Eight years?

And then, when it came out,
nobody read it.

I thought I'd never get from
under the thumb of your father.

Everything I touched
turned mediocre.

I wanted to be noticed
by someone.

Make an impact. Be a hero.

Then along came
this girl who...

she seemed desperate
to be saved.

It was more than that.
You loved her.

Plenty of people fall in love
outside their marriage.

Not everybody leaves.

♪ slow, somber music ♪

No, you're right.
I did love her.

I was crazy about her,
but that's not why I left.

I was afraid I was gonna die

without ever having done
anything in my life.

Now I've done plenty; it turns
out I'm gonna die anyway.

Not today.

No.

Not today.

‐Can I have some water?
‐Yeah.

I think
that's the fire road there.

I think we're gonna be okay.

Can I ask you something now?

Seems fair enough.

What was it like for you?

‐What?
‐My affair.

The divorce.

I've never really asked you.

Well, it was fucking awful.

Tell me.

I couldn't take
a deep breath for two years.

I cried everywhere.

Cried in my car, cried on
a run, cried in the shower.

The minute I was alone
for two seconds, I cried.

I couldn't sleep.

I was afraid to be alone
in the house with the kids.

I was afraid...

what might happen if something
happened to one of them,

that I wouldn't be able
to handle it on my own.

Some of our friends
were awful.

You know, the people
who loved us together,

said I shouldn't let
you go so easily,

that I should fight
for you more, as if...

[chuckles] I had any
choice in the matter.

As if it was my decision.

And then later, when I had
to see you with her

and compare myself
to her, and I...

I, uh, I u... I used
to think I looked good.

You know.

And then, suddenly, I just
couldn't look at myself

in the mirror anymore 'cause
all I saw was my wrinkles

and my stomach after having
had four kids and...

I would just think,

"How could you not know
how ugly you are?

Of course he left you."

Oh, Helen‐‐

Don't pity me.

I wasn't. I'm not. I'm‐‐

You asked me what it was like.
That's what it was like.

I got through it.

I made it through
and I'm more proud of that

than anything
I've ever done in my life,

so please don't fucking pity me.

I wasn't pitying you.

You know, the one,
the one thing

that still gets me, really,
it's just that I‐I...

I used to think, when we had no
money and we had all these kids,

and we were fighting,
I would look at you sometimes

and I would think, "One day,
this is gonna be worth it.

One day, I'm gonna dance
with him at Whitney's wedding.

A‐And we will
have built..."

"...an amazing thing together.

Family."

That's the thing
that still hurts, if you want

to know the truth, that you just
left during the hard parts,

and we never had a chance
to celebrate.

We made it.

[panting]
Can I sit...

Can we sit down for a minute?

Sure.

Yeah, it looks like the road
goes for about another mile,

then it hits civilization.

[snake rattling]

Noah?

Noah?

[shouts]

‐Noah! Aah!
‐Fuck.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, no, this is bad.

‐Shit. Did it get you?
‐It's, like, really, really,

‐really bad. Yes.
‐Oh, fuck.

You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.

‐It's all right.
‐I can't believe

we hiked out of that fire
and I'm gonna die anyway.

I can't get a signal.

We're gonna get you
to the hospital.

No shit.

‐[screams]
‐No, stop! You got to stop.

‐Sit down.
‐Why? I can walk.

You can't!
You have to be still!

‐Why?
‐Because the more you move,

the quicker the venom
will get to your heart.

Oh, my God.

‐Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
‐[Noah] Just be calm!

How?

Just fucking calm.

Here, I got you.

Here, come here.

You be calm.

Come on.

♪ slow, suspenseful music ♪

[panting]

♪♪♪

Stay awake.

Come on. Come on.

[grunts]

You're okay. Just...

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Help! I need help! Hey.

Someone needs to see us
immediately.

You need to fill out
these forms.

The triage nurse
will be right with you.

No, uh, she...

Hey, she needs
to see a doctor.

We need a gurney here now.
Tell me what happened.

Uh, I saw the snake myself.
It was a rattlesnake.

‐I know it is.
‐Let's get her back.

[indistinct chatter]

You're okay. You're okay.

You're in the hospital now.
You're okay.

‐Let's move.
‐Let's go.

Sir, you need
to go back to reception

and give them
her information.

But I'm...

[doors close]

[exhales]

‐Just fill this out.
‐Thank you.

Mr. Solloway?

We've got her on some intense
pain medication so she can rest.

And we'll continue
to monitor her overnight

to see how her body reacts
to the antivenom,

but for now...

...yeah, her vitals look good.

She's stable.

That's great. Thank you.

Can I get you
anything?

‐No, I'm fine. Thank you.
‐Okay, the nurse will be by

to check on you guys in an hour.

Thank you.

[grunts]

[exhales]

[man over P. A.]
Dr. Davis, call 4799.

Dr. Davis, call 4799.

[newswoman] As flames engulfed
Topanga Canyon

earlier this evening,
residents were stuck

in bumper‐to‐bumper traffic
trying to evacuate.

Though no numbers
have yet been reported,

as many as a hundred people
are thought to have perished

waiting in their cars.
Fire Chief Reynolds says

‐the blaze just came through...
‐Oh, my God.

...so quickly,

there was no time
to get them to safety.

Sheriff's deputies have
cordoned off the area

‐and residents are not allowed
‐[inhales]

‐to return until the‐‐
‐[turns off TV]

[inhales]

♪ I close my eyes ♪

♪ And listen to hear ♪

Hi, friend.

♪ The corn come out ♪

Hi, friend.

♪ And to the stars ♪

♪ You've led us on ♪

♪ Left me looking up ♪

♪ Down where the trees grow ♪

♪ Together ♪