The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet (1952-1966): Season 6, Episode 1 - Fixing Up the Fraternity House - full transcript
David and his fraternity brothers hold a big dance in an effort to raise money for improvements on the fraternity house.
[theme music]
- Eastman Kodak company
is happy to bring you
America's favorite
family, the Nelsons:
Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.
They like to go places and
enjoy happy times together.
And they enjoy these moments
over again in pictures.
[upbeat music]
- Hey, Dave.
- Oh, hi, Johnny.
- How'd you make
out on that test?
- Oh, OK, I guess.
- What'd you put down
for the fourth question,
the one about the offer
to buy the property?
- Oh, I said it
wasn't a contract.
Where was I?
- Who cares?
- Hey, do you see what I see?
That's Wally, isn't it?
- Hiya, boys.
- Well, it looks like
Wally, but it can't be.
This guy is studying.
- Quiet, please.
Let's see.
28.7 times the length times
the coefficient of expansion
equals--
Oh, this can't be right.
- Physics?
- No, a diet.
According to this, by the
time I'm 45, I'll weigh 212.
- Oh, that's not so bad.
- Tons?
- Oh, my leg.
- Uh-oh.
Don't look now, but
here he comes again.
- Did I ever tell
you guys I almost
broke my leg over that
fraternity house of yours?
- Only about a hundred times.
- Oh, but it's getting worse.
You know, I think I'm
gonna to sue you guys.
- What's this all about?
- Well, you know him
and his big feet.
About three weeks
ago, he tripped
over a little tear
in the rug, and he's
been complaining
about it ever since.
- Is it my fault
you need new rugs?
- You mean that little tear
in the rug in the hall?
- No, the one in
the dining room.
- It was in the living room.
- We need some new rugs.
- The only thing, though,
if we get new rugs,
we'll have to get new drapes.
If we get new drapes, we'll
have to get new furniture.
We get new furniture, we'll
have to paint the place.
If we do that, we'll get
paint all over the rugs,
and we'll need new rugs again.
- Now, you guys will hear
from my lawyer in the morning.
- You're breaking my heart.
- Hey, you're limping
on the wrong foot.
- I am not.
- He's just kiddin', but our
house is getting kind of run
down.
- Well, I don't
think it's so bad.
- You ever notice the
wallpaper in the study room?
- Study room?
You mean we have a study room?
- Figures.
You're right, though.
The house could stand
a little fixing up.
- Yeah, but that costs money.
- Well, there are a lot of
houses in worse condition.
At least the roof doesn't
leak and the wiring is OK.
- Yeah, the plumbing
is real good.
- Yeah, that's right.
If there's one thing we do
have, it's plenty of hot water
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Bob, where are you going?
- I'm going over to Beta
house to take a shower.
The bottom just fell
out of our water heater.
[comical music]
- Hiya, boys.
- Hi, Pop.
- Hi, Mr. Nelson.
- What's the matter?
You guys sound like
you got problems.
- Oh, we sure have.
Big financial problems.
- Oh.
[laughs] OK, I can take a hint.
How much do you need?
At the usual rate of
interest, of course.
- About $1,000.
- $1,000?
- Eh, it's not for
just Wally and me.
We need some stuff for
the fraternity house.
It's getting kind of run down.
- Oh, it sounds like you got
quite a project on your hands.
- Yeah, we're going to have
a committee meeting tonight
and try to figure
out what to do.
What time are you
guys going to be by?
- Oh, about 7 o'clock, I guess.
- Can't you make
it a little later?
We might not be
finished dinner yet.
- Well, that's the idea.
I figured I'd get here
just in time for dessert.
- Well, I tell you what I'll do.
I'll speak to Mrs. Nelson and
see if I can fix it up for you.
- Oh, thanks, Mr. Nelson.
Just like I always
tell the fellas,
you're a grand old gentleman.
- Oh.
Maybe you'd better get going
for I think that one over.
OK.
[upbeat music]
- I think my mother can
arrange for us to buy
a stove from the woman's club.
That'll save us about $100.
- Then we'll only need $899.24.
- No, we'll only need $899.
I've got $0.24 right here.
- Where'd you get that?
- My father advanced it to me.
Of course, I had to
sign a note for it.
- Does anybody
want any more pie?
- No, thank you.
- Well, that's good.
I'll eat it myself.
- Hey, you guys got any ideas
on how to make some money?
- Yeah, I have.
How about a raffle?
- Well, the only
trouble with that
is you have to have something
valuable to raffle off,
like a car or something.
- What about raffling
off the fraternity house?
- Wally...
- It's an open
meeting, isn't it?
- Well, how about a dance?
- Well, I'd love to, Rick,
but I'm busy right now.
- No, I mean it.
How about having a big dance?
You could hire a name band so
you have a good attraction,
advertise it all over town,
and make the price kind
of low so that everybody can
come, just like a community
dance.
You could hire the Women's Club.
- Look, Ricky, we're having
a serious meeting here.
- Well, I think it's a
darn good suggestion.
- I've got a better one.
Why don't you go up
and do your homework?
- OK.
If you don't want the
benefit of my experience.
- Better luck next time, Rick.
- Well, let's get
back to the problem.
What are we going to do?
- A dance would be impossible.
- Oh, sure.
We'd have to have an
awfully big crowd in order
to make any money.
Gee, then we couldn't get them
all in the fraternity house.
- And we'd have to
hire a name band to get
a big crowd in the first place.
- We'd have to sell an
awful lot of tickets
to pay for a name band.
- Well, we could make
it a community dance.
Make the price of the
tickets low enough
so that everybody could come.
- Yeah, and then if
everybody pitched in,
we could advertise
it all over town.
- Well, suppose we
did, and suppose
we sold a lot of tickets.
We'd need a pretty big place
to hold that kind of a dance.
- Maybe we could rent the
Women's Club auditorium.
- Hey, this is beginning to
sound like a pretty good idea.
- Somebody put it in
the form of a motion.
I'll second it.
- OK.
All those in favor of holding a
dance, hiring a big name band,
and advertising it as
a community project,
and renting the
Women's Club, say I.
- Aye.
- The motion's carried.
Any questions?
- Yeah, I have one.
- What?
- Well, do you suppose
that your mother has
any more of this apple pie?
- Oh, is the meeting over?
- Yep.
- What did you guys
finally decide to do?
- We found a way to
raise some money.
- Oh, good for you.
I'll buy a ticket from you
if they're not too expensive.
Although I don't know what I'd
do with an old fraternity house
if I won.
- Decided against the raffle.
We got a plan that sounds
a little more practical.
- Oh, what's the plan?
- Well, we're going to hold a
community dance at the Women's
Club and hire a big name band.
- Hey, wait a second.
That's exactly what I suggested.
- Well, there might have
been some similarity.
- What're you talking about?
It's the exact same idea.
- OK.
What do you want?
A medal?
- No, I want a free ticket.
- It just shows you how
impractical you are.
If we give free tickets
away to everybody,
how are we going
to make any money?
See, Ricky, there's
just no substitute
for a college education.
- Hey, come back here, Dave.
- Oh, hi, Dave.
- Hi, Mom.
- How are the plans for
the dance coming along?
- Oh, not so good.
In fact, it looks like there
isn't going to be any dance.
- Well, I thought you boys
were all excited about it.
- We were, but we run into
the same old obstacle-- money.
- I thought that was the purpose
of the dance, to raise money.
- Yeah, but we need too
much to get started with.
- What do you mean by that?
- Well, in the first
place, the Women's Club
wants a deposit for
the rental of the hall.
The band wants a deposit,
and so does the printer.
It seems like you have to
pay about half of everything
in advance.
- What do the other
boys say about it?
- Well, I haven't told them yet.
- You know, I think I can
help solve your problem,
at least get things started.
- What do you mean?
- Well, I can bake
a couple more pies,
and you can have
another meeting.
- Well, here we are, right
back where we started from.
- Well, not exactly.
This is a different kind of pie,
and I was sitting over there
last time.
- I thought you were
sitting over there.
- No, I was--
I was sitting over
there, and you're not
going to steal my pie.
- Well, has anybody got any
ideas for raising some money
so we can raise the money?
- How about a raffle?
- You're not going to start that
thing again about raffling off
the fraternity house?
- Oh, don't be silly.
I was thinking, why don't we
raffle off the Women's Club?
- What'd you guys decide
to do, move the Kappa Sig
house over here?
- Look, friend, it
was your suggestion
that got us into this mess.
- My suggestion?
Last night you didn't even
want to give me credit for it.
Now you're blaming me.
- Well, we're not blaming you.
Just don't make any
more suggestions.
- OK.
Then you guys don't want to
hear my idea for getting you out
of this mess.
- Wait a second.
What idea?
- No, I'd better not tell you.
You'd only blame me for
making a stupid suggestion.
- If you've got a stupid
suggestion to make,
go ahead and make it.
- OK, then listen to this.
If I were a member
of this organization
and we were trying to
raise money to raise money,
I'd go out and raise it.
- Well, I must admit that's a
stupid suggestion, all right.
- I haven't finished yet.
I know how to raise the money.
- Oh, well, that's different.
Here, have a cigar.
- Come on, Rick.
Get to the point.
- Well, the best way I to
get money is to work for it.
- We all know that, but we
need the money right now,
in advance.
- I was coming to that.
You've got about 40 active
members in your fraternity,
right?
So you get up this organization
called Services Unlimited
and you hire yourselves out
to be busboys, babysitters,
car washers, delivery boys,
anything you guys can do.
And the thing is you
get paid in advance.
- Why should they
pay us in advance?
- I'm glad you asked me that.
Because you give them a
discount for paying you now,
and you perform
the services later.
- OK, Rick.
- You mean you like the idea?
- I mean, it's time for
you to do your homework.
- OK.
Think it over, boys.
It may be a stupid idea,
but it makes a lot of sense.
[laughter]
- Boy, that brother
of yours sure
gets some weird ideas, Dave,
to hire out our services.
- You give them a discount
if they pay you in advance.
[laughter]
- Well, what are
you going to do?
- All in favor, say aye.
- Aye.
- Well, I could use somebody
to clean up the place, Dave.
- Well, we just wanted to let
you know we'd be available.
- Well, let me get
it straight now.
I'm supposed to pay you an
advance for the work, right?
- That's right.
And then you get a discount.
- Well, I don't need
anybody tonight, though.
- Well, that's all right.
Any time you say,
we'll be available.
- OK, Dave.
I'll call you.
Pardon me, Wally.
[cash register ka-chings]
Here's an advance
for three nights.
- Thanks.
That's swell.
- Sure.
- Dave.
You fellas do babysitting?
- Sure.
That's one of our specialties.
- Fine.
I'll check with my wife
and give you a ring.
- OK.
And remember, if you pay in
advance you get a discount.
- Good.
Thanks a lot, Bob.
- Right.
- Come on, Wally.
- What are you looking
for now, Wally?
- Don't you usually have
some bubblegum around here
that you give the kids?
- We're giving out
lollipops this week.
- Oh, thanks.
- Sounds like a pretty
good deal to me, fellas.
- Oh, fine.
Uh, could we bother
you for the, uh--
- Oh.
Oh, yeah.
[slurping]
There you go.
- Thanks a lot, Mr. Davis.
Come on, Wally.
- See you later, Mr. Davis.
- Just a second, Wally.
That'll be $0.45.
- Oh, certainly.
Yeah, well, just put me down
for 15 minutes extra work.
- Oh hi, fellas.
- Hi, Mr. Nelson.
- How is Services
Unlimited going?
- Well, pretty good.
We've contracted for
quite a lot of things.
Eight busboys,
four sweeping jobs,
two mechanics at the garage,
and 12 babysitting jobs.
- Oh, good for you.
- You know, that babysitting
has got me worried.
I've never done it before.
What do you do if the
kid starts to cry?
- Turn up the television set.
- It seems everything's
going pretty well, then, huh?
- Yeah.
We paid the deposit
to the Women's Club
and we sent the orchestra
their guarantee.
- The ticket sales
are going real swell.
Looks like we might
have a sellout.
- Well, the dance is
tomorrow night, isn't it?
- Yeah, tomorrow night.
- Lucky thing, too.
About two more meetings with
this pie of Mrs. Nelson's and I
won't be able to
get into my tuxedo.
- Well, you'll have to
use little willpower.
Well, lots of good luck, fellas.
- Thanks, Pop.
- Thank you.
- I think maybe I'll go in and
get just a sliver of that pie
myself.
- Aren't you going to be
late for the dance, Dave?
- No, it doesn't
start until 9 o'clock.
- I thought you planned
on getting there early.
- I'll be in plenty of time.
[phone rings]
- I'll get it.
Hello?
Oh, hi, Mr. Scholz.
Oh.
Oh, OK.
OK.
I'll be there in about an hour.
OK.
Bye.
- What's the matter?
- Well, I got to
go put on my tuxedo
and then go over and sweep
out Mr. Scholz's store.
- Well, does it
have to be tonight?
- Yeah, he says he wants
to go to the dance.
He's already paid
for the services,
so I can't very well refuse him.
Gee, I hope too many people
don't want to go to the dance.
That is, the people we
have contracts with.
- Hey, Dave.
- Oh, Hi.
What's the matter?
- We can't go to
the dance tonight.
I have to babysit
for the Johnsons,
and Marv has to
babysit for the Ryans.
- Yeah, they're all
going to the dance.
- I have to go over and
sweep out Mr. Scholz's store.
[phone rings]
- That's probably Bob.
- Hello?
Oh, hi, Bob.
What?
Wally, too?
- What's the matter?
- Wally and Bob have
to babysit, too.
Looks like everybody's
going to the dance.
- Yeah, everybody except us.
- What about the other guys?
Oh, that's great.
Look, if I think of
something, I'll call you back.
Boy, a fine fraternity
dance this is going to be.
Everybody in town is going
except the fraternity brothers.
- Wait a minute.
We can still handle it.
We'll have to do a lot of
rushing back and forth,
but at least we can beat
the dance part of the time.
- Well, that's great
for some of the guys,
but what about the babysitting?
- Yeah, that's right.
Too bad they can't take
the babies to the dance.
- Hey, that's not a bad idea.
- Taking the babies
to the dance?
- No, not the dance.
Look, fellas.
Why don't we gather
up all the kids
and take them to some
responsible person's house,
some real nice couple who've
had experience being parents?
Wonderful parents.
- Don't look at me.
- Oh, please, Mom.
- Please, Mom.
- Please, Mom.
- What's all this "please,
Mom" business about?
- Keep laughing, dear.
You'll find out.
[jazzy music]
- It certainly is a
lovely dance, David.
- Well, thanks.
We have a good crowd here.
We'll have enough money to fix
the fraternity house up great.
- Dave.
Oh, pardon me.
It's time for you to relieve
Jim over at the lunchroom.
- Oh, thanks.
Could you excuse me for
about a half an hour?
- A half an hour?
Where are you going?
- Well, it's a little
difficult to explain right now,
but I may be running
in and out all evening.
- Don't look so worried.
I'll be here.
[comical music]
- Here I am, honey.
- Well, you took long enough.
- Well, I rushed back
as soon as I could.
- So I see.
- Oh.
[lullaby music]
[babies fussing]
- Shh, shh.
Shh.
[baby fusses]
Baby.
Here we are.
What's the matter?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
- How you doing with
the freshman, Pop?
- Oh, pretty good.
Thanks, Rick.
How are things going in
the sophomore dormitory?
[baby cries]
- Oh, fine.
There are two sleep in
my bed, three in Dave's.
- Please give me a
glass of water, Ricky.
- Oh, you'll get somebody.
Just a minute now.
- How's it going, dear?
- Oh, pretty good.
Who's that guy?
- I don't know.
He came with the
little Jackson boy.
- What's happening in the
liquid refreshment department?
Some of these kids are
getting pretty hungry.
- Oh, Ricky's bringing
them right up.
Do you know I had seven
different formulas
on the stove?
- Oh, Rick?
- Coming right up.
- Now, be sure to match
the tags on the bottle
with the tag on the baby.
[baby cries]
- Here we are.
- There.
- Here we are.
Here we are.
- That's a girl.
- Come on.
[baby cries]
- Hey, Ricky, where is it?
- I'll show you, Marv.
- Oh, come on in, Rick.
You're just in time to
burp one of these babies.
- Well, how do you do that?
- Oh, just put them on your
shoulder, pat him on the back,
and he'll do the rest.
- Come on.
You have to learn sometime.
[lullaby music]
- You take this guy.
Oh.
[baby fusses]
- Oh, Rick.
Are you going to the dance?
Kind of late, isn't it?
- Well, Dave just phoned.
He wanted me to come down there
and sing a couple of numbers,
but I can't find the guitar.
- Oh, well, I think your
father has it upstairs.
He took it up there to
sing some lullabies,
put the babies back to sleep.
- OK.
Thanks.
[babies fussing]
[music - "rock-a-bye baby"]
- [SINGING] Rock-a-bye
baby on the tree top.
[babies crying]
When the wind blows,
the cradle will rock.
Oh, come on, kids.
Go to sleep, huh?
- What's going on, Pop?
- I can't get these little
son of a guns to go to sleep.
I've sung every lullaby I know.
Oh, come on.
I guess they miss their parents.
- I don't think it's that, Pop.
These are modern kids.
They don't like this
old-fashioned stuff.
Let me try a little
rock and roll on them.
- Go ahead. help yourself.
[babies crying]
[MUSIC - RICKY NELSON, "BE BOP
BABY"]
- [SINGING] A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
She's the gal for me.
She's got plenty of
rhythm, got plenty of jive.
And when we dance,
we really come alive.
My love for her so
tender and sweet.
My heart starts pounding
every time we meet.
[babies cooing]
A be-bop baby,
still in her teens.
Just as sweet as she can be.
A be-bop baby in
her ol' blue jeans
is the be-bop baby for
me, a be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
She's the gal for me.
I'm going to find her tonight.
We're going to have a time.
I want the baby to
be mine, all mine.
A big day is coming
for my baby and me--
[clapping]
--the day she says
she belongs to me.
A be-bop baby,
still in her teens.
Just as sweet as she can be.
A be-bop baby in
her ol' blue jeans
is the be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
She's the gal for me.
She got plenty of rhythm,
go plenty of jive.
And when we dance,
we really come.
My love for her is
so tender and sweet.
My heart starts pounding
And every time we meet.
A be-bop baby,
still in her teens.
Just as sweet as she can be.
A be-bop baby in
her ol' blue jeans
is the be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby for me.
[applause]
- I wish I was 20
years younger, honey.
[MUSIC - RICKY NELSON, "HAVE
I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOVE
YOU"]
- [SINGING] Have I told
you lately that I love you?
Could I tell you
once again somehow?
Well, have I told you
with all my heart and soul
how I adore you?
Well, darling, I'm
telling you now.
- [squeals]
- My heart would break in
two if I should lose you.
I'm no good--
- I'm no good without you.
- --without you--
- I'm no good without you.
- --anyhow.
- I'm no good without you.
- Dear, have I told you
lately that I love you?
- Love you, love you?
- Well, darling.
- Darling.
- I'm telling you now.
- Telling you, telling
you, telling you.
- Well, darling,
I'm telling you now.
- Telling you, telling you now.
[applause]
- [chuckles softly]
- What are you laughing at?
- I was just looking at some
of these old photographs
of the boys.
They sure were cute little guys.
- [laughs]
[phone rings]
- Hello?
Oh, hi, Dave.
Yes, they're all back home.
Yeah, it was pretty
hectic for a while.
We had a regular
nursery going here.
- Uh, ask him how
the dance went.
- How'd the dance go?
Oh, good.
Oh, fine.
He says the dance was a
big financial success,
and Ricky singing was
the hit of the evening.
- Oh, gee, that's great.
- OK, dear.
Well, thanks for calling.
Oh, say, is Rick with you?
Oh, that's good.
Well, don't be too late now.
OK, goodbye.
- You don't realize
how these guys
have grown till you take a look
at some of these old pictures.
You know, I was thinking tonight
when I saw Rick all dressed up,
remember Dave's first
big date, when he was
wondering if he should shave?
- Yeah.
[dreamy sounds]
- What the heck are
you going to do?
- What does it look
like I'm going to do?
- Looks like you're
going to shave.
- That's exactly
right, sonny boy.
- Are you kiddin'?
I got more fuzz on these grapes.
Oh, no.
I don't want to look at this.
Did you cut yourself yet?
- Of course not.
Don't look so disappointed.
- That was pretty good.
- Yeah, it was pretty
good, wasn't it?
I think next time I'll
try it with a blade.
- Ozzie.
Ozzie.
- Oh, I guess I must dozed
off there for a minute.
- Let's go to sleep.
I'm tired.
- OK.
Remind me to ask Rick
what he did with my razor
when he borrowed it the other
day and never returned it.
[theme music]
- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
brought to you on film
by Eastman Kodak company.
This week, visit your
regular Kodak dealer
for reliable service in
all your picture needs.
This has been an ABC television
network film presentation.
- Eastman Kodak company
is happy to bring you
America's favorite
family, the Nelsons:
Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.
They like to go places and
enjoy happy times together.
And they enjoy these moments
over again in pictures.
[upbeat music]
- Hey, Dave.
- Oh, hi, Johnny.
- How'd you make
out on that test?
- Oh, OK, I guess.
- What'd you put down
for the fourth question,
the one about the offer
to buy the property?
- Oh, I said it
wasn't a contract.
Where was I?
- Who cares?
- Hey, do you see what I see?
That's Wally, isn't it?
- Hiya, boys.
- Well, it looks like
Wally, but it can't be.
This guy is studying.
- Quiet, please.
Let's see.
28.7 times the length times
the coefficient of expansion
equals--
Oh, this can't be right.
- Physics?
- No, a diet.
According to this, by the
time I'm 45, I'll weigh 212.
- Oh, that's not so bad.
- Tons?
- Oh, my leg.
- Uh-oh.
Don't look now, but
here he comes again.
- Did I ever tell
you guys I almost
broke my leg over that
fraternity house of yours?
- Only about a hundred times.
- Oh, but it's getting worse.
You know, I think I'm
gonna to sue you guys.
- What's this all about?
- Well, you know him
and his big feet.
About three weeks
ago, he tripped
over a little tear
in the rug, and he's
been complaining
about it ever since.
- Is it my fault
you need new rugs?
- You mean that little tear
in the rug in the hall?
- No, the one in
the dining room.
- It was in the living room.
- We need some new rugs.
- The only thing, though,
if we get new rugs,
we'll have to get new drapes.
If we get new drapes, we'll
have to get new furniture.
We get new furniture, we'll
have to paint the place.
If we do that, we'll get
paint all over the rugs,
and we'll need new rugs again.
- Now, you guys will hear
from my lawyer in the morning.
- You're breaking my heart.
- Hey, you're limping
on the wrong foot.
- I am not.
- He's just kiddin', but our
house is getting kind of run
down.
- Well, I don't
think it's so bad.
- You ever notice the
wallpaper in the study room?
- Study room?
You mean we have a study room?
- Figures.
You're right, though.
The house could stand
a little fixing up.
- Yeah, but that costs money.
- Well, there are a lot of
houses in worse condition.
At least the roof doesn't
leak and the wiring is OK.
- Yeah, the plumbing
is real good.
- Yeah, that's right.
If there's one thing we do
have, it's plenty of hot water
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, Bob, where are you going?
- I'm going over to Beta
house to take a shower.
The bottom just fell
out of our water heater.
[comical music]
- Hiya, boys.
- Hi, Pop.
- Hi, Mr. Nelson.
- What's the matter?
You guys sound like
you got problems.
- Oh, we sure have.
Big financial problems.
- Oh.
[laughs] OK, I can take a hint.
How much do you need?
At the usual rate of
interest, of course.
- About $1,000.
- $1,000?
- Eh, it's not for
just Wally and me.
We need some stuff for
the fraternity house.
It's getting kind of run down.
- Oh, it sounds like you got
quite a project on your hands.
- Yeah, we're going to have
a committee meeting tonight
and try to figure
out what to do.
What time are you
guys going to be by?
- Oh, about 7 o'clock, I guess.
- Can't you make
it a little later?
We might not be
finished dinner yet.
- Well, that's the idea.
I figured I'd get here
just in time for dessert.
- Well, I tell you what I'll do.
I'll speak to Mrs. Nelson and
see if I can fix it up for you.
- Oh, thanks, Mr. Nelson.
Just like I always
tell the fellas,
you're a grand old gentleman.
- Oh.
Maybe you'd better get going
for I think that one over.
OK.
[upbeat music]
- I think my mother can
arrange for us to buy
a stove from the woman's club.
That'll save us about $100.
- Then we'll only need $899.24.
- No, we'll only need $899.
I've got $0.24 right here.
- Where'd you get that?
- My father advanced it to me.
Of course, I had to
sign a note for it.
- Does anybody
want any more pie?
- No, thank you.
- Well, that's good.
I'll eat it myself.
- Hey, you guys got any ideas
on how to make some money?
- Yeah, I have.
How about a raffle?
- Well, the only
trouble with that
is you have to have something
valuable to raffle off,
like a car or something.
- What about raffling
off the fraternity house?
- Wally...
- It's an open
meeting, isn't it?
- Well, how about a dance?
- Well, I'd love to, Rick,
but I'm busy right now.
- No, I mean it.
How about having a big dance?
You could hire a name band so
you have a good attraction,
advertise it all over town,
and make the price kind
of low so that everybody can
come, just like a community
dance.
You could hire the Women's Club.
- Look, Ricky, we're having
a serious meeting here.
- Well, I think it's a
darn good suggestion.
- I've got a better one.
Why don't you go up
and do your homework?
- OK.
If you don't want the
benefit of my experience.
- Better luck next time, Rick.
- Well, let's get
back to the problem.
What are we going to do?
- A dance would be impossible.
- Oh, sure.
We'd have to have an
awfully big crowd in order
to make any money.
Gee, then we couldn't get them
all in the fraternity house.
- And we'd have to
hire a name band to get
a big crowd in the first place.
- We'd have to sell an
awful lot of tickets
to pay for a name band.
- Well, we could make
it a community dance.
Make the price of the
tickets low enough
so that everybody could come.
- Yeah, and then if
everybody pitched in,
we could advertise
it all over town.
- Well, suppose we
did, and suppose
we sold a lot of tickets.
We'd need a pretty big place
to hold that kind of a dance.
- Maybe we could rent the
Women's Club auditorium.
- Hey, this is beginning to
sound like a pretty good idea.
- Somebody put it in
the form of a motion.
I'll second it.
- OK.
All those in favor of holding a
dance, hiring a big name band,
and advertising it as
a community project,
and renting the
Women's Club, say I.
- Aye.
- The motion's carried.
Any questions?
- Yeah, I have one.
- What?
- Well, do you suppose
that your mother has
any more of this apple pie?
- Oh, is the meeting over?
- Yep.
- What did you guys
finally decide to do?
- We found a way to
raise some money.
- Oh, good for you.
I'll buy a ticket from you
if they're not too expensive.
Although I don't know what I'd
do with an old fraternity house
if I won.
- Decided against the raffle.
We got a plan that sounds
a little more practical.
- Oh, what's the plan?
- Well, we're going to hold a
community dance at the Women's
Club and hire a big name band.
- Hey, wait a second.
That's exactly what I suggested.
- Well, there might have
been some similarity.
- What're you talking about?
It's the exact same idea.
- OK.
What do you want?
A medal?
- No, I want a free ticket.
- It just shows you how
impractical you are.
If we give free tickets
away to everybody,
how are we going
to make any money?
See, Ricky, there's
just no substitute
for a college education.
- Hey, come back here, Dave.
- Oh, hi, Dave.
- Hi, Mom.
- How are the plans for
the dance coming along?
- Oh, not so good.
In fact, it looks like there
isn't going to be any dance.
- Well, I thought you boys
were all excited about it.
- We were, but we run into
the same old obstacle-- money.
- I thought that was the purpose
of the dance, to raise money.
- Yeah, but we need too
much to get started with.
- What do you mean by that?
- Well, in the first
place, the Women's Club
wants a deposit for
the rental of the hall.
The band wants a deposit,
and so does the printer.
It seems like you have to
pay about half of everything
in advance.
- What do the other
boys say about it?
- Well, I haven't told them yet.
- You know, I think I can
help solve your problem,
at least get things started.
- What do you mean?
- Well, I can bake
a couple more pies,
and you can have
another meeting.
- Well, here we are, right
back where we started from.
- Well, not exactly.
This is a different kind of pie,
and I was sitting over there
last time.
- I thought you were
sitting over there.
- No, I was--
I was sitting over
there, and you're not
going to steal my pie.
- Well, has anybody got any
ideas for raising some money
so we can raise the money?
- How about a raffle?
- You're not going to start that
thing again about raffling off
the fraternity house?
- Oh, don't be silly.
I was thinking, why don't we
raffle off the Women's Club?
- What'd you guys decide
to do, move the Kappa Sig
house over here?
- Look, friend, it
was your suggestion
that got us into this mess.
- My suggestion?
Last night you didn't even
want to give me credit for it.
Now you're blaming me.
- Well, we're not blaming you.
Just don't make any
more suggestions.
- OK.
Then you guys don't want to
hear my idea for getting you out
of this mess.
- Wait a second.
What idea?
- No, I'd better not tell you.
You'd only blame me for
making a stupid suggestion.
- If you've got a stupid
suggestion to make,
go ahead and make it.
- OK, then listen to this.
If I were a member
of this organization
and we were trying to
raise money to raise money,
I'd go out and raise it.
- Well, I must admit that's a
stupid suggestion, all right.
- I haven't finished yet.
I know how to raise the money.
- Oh, well, that's different.
Here, have a cigar.
- Come on, Rick.
Get to the point.
- Well, the best way I to
get money is to work for it.
- We all know that, but we
need the money right now,
in advance.
- I was coming to that.
You've got about 40 active
members in your fraternity,
right?
So you get up this organization
called Services Unlimited
and you hire yourselves out
to be busboys, babysitters,
car washers, delivery boys,
anything you guys can do.
And the thing is you
get paid in advance.
- Why should they
pay us in advance?
- I'm glad you asked me that.
Because you give them a
discount for paying you now,
and you perform
the services later.
- OK, Rick.
- You mean you like the idea?
- I mean, it's time for
you to do your homework.
- OK.
Think it over, boys.
It may be a stupid idea,
but it makes a lot of sense.
[laughter]
- Boy, that brother
of yours sure
gets some weird ideas, Dave,
to hire out our services.
- You give them a discount
if they pay you in advance.
[laughter]
- Well, what are
you going to do?
- All in favor, say aye.
- Aye.
- Well, I could use somebody
to clean up the place, Dave.
- Well, we just wanted to let
you know we'd be available.
- Well, let me get
it straight now.
I'm supposed to pay you an
advance for the work, right?
- That's right.
And then you get a discount.
- Well, I don't need
anybody tonight, though.
- Well, that's all right.
Any time you say,
we'll be available.
- OK, Dave.
I'll call you.
Pardon me, Wally.
[cash register ka-chings]
Here's an advance
for three nights.
- Thanks.
That's swell.
- Sure.
- Dave.
You fellas do babysitting?
- Sure.
That's one of our specialties.
- Fine.
I'll check with my wife
and give you a ring.
- OK.
And remember, if you pay in
advance you get a discount.
- Good.
Thanks a lot, Bob.
- Right.
- Come on, Wally.
- What are you looking
for now, Wally?
- Don't you usually have
some bubblegum around here
that you give the kids?
- We're giving out
lollipops this week.
- Oh, thanks.
- Sounds like a pretty
good deal to me, fellas.
- Oh, fine.
Uh, could we bother
you for the, uh--
- Oh.
Oh, yeah.
[slurping]
There you go.
- Thanks a lot, Mr. Davis.
Come on, Wally.
- See you later, Mr. Davis.
- Just a second, Wally.
That'll be $0.45.
- Oh, certainly.
Yeah, well, just put me down
for 15 minutes extra work.
- Oh hi, fellas.
- Hi, Mr. Nelson.
- How is Services
Unlimited going?
- Well, pretty good.
We've contracted for
quite a lot of things.
Eight busboys,
four sweeping jobs,
two mechanics at the garage,
and 12 babysitting jobs.
- Oh, good for you.
- You know, that babysitting
has got me worried.
I've never done it before.
What do you do if the
kid starts to cry?
- Turn up the television set.
- It seems everything's
going pretty well, then, huh?
- Yeah.
We paid the deposit
to the Women's Club
and we sent the orchestra
their guarantee.
- The ticket sales
are going real swell.
Looks like we might
have a sellout.
- Well, the dance is
tomorrow night, isn't it?
- Yeah, tomorrow night.
- Lucky thing, too.
About two more meetings with
this pie of Mrs. Nelson's and I
won't be able to
get into my tuxedo.
- Well, you'll have to
use little willpower.
Well, lots of good luck, fellas.
- Thanks, Pop.
- Thank you.
- I think maybe I'll go in and
get just a sliver of that pie
myself.
- Aren't you going to be
late for the dance, Dave?
- No, it doesn't
start until 9 o'clock.
- I thought you planned
on getting there early.
- I'll be in plenty of time.
[phone rings]
- I'll get it.
Hello?
Oh, hi, Mr. Scholz.
Oh.
Oh, OK.
OK.
I'll be there in about an hour.
OK.
Bye.
- What's the matter?
- Well, I got to
go put on my tuxedo
and then go over and sweep
out Mr. Scholz's store.
- Well, does it
have to be tonight?
- Yeah, he says he wants
to go to the dance.
He's already paid
for the services,
so I can't very well refuse him.
Gee, I hope too many people
don't want to go to the dance.
That is, the people we
have contracts with.
- Hey, Dave.
- Oh, Hi.
What's the matter?
- We can't go to
the dance tonight.
I have to babysit
for the Johnsons,
and Marv has to
babysit for the Ryans.
- Yeah, they're all
going to the dance.
- I have to go over and
sweep out Mr. Scholz's store.
[phone rings]
- That's probably Bob.
- Hello?
Oh, hi, Bob.
What?
Wally, too?
- What's the matter?
- Wally and Bob have
to babysit, too.
Looks like everybody's
going to the dance.
- Yeah, everybody except us.
- What about the other guys?
Oh, that's great.
Look, if I think of
something, I'll call you back.
Boy, a fine fraternity
dance this is going to be.
Everybody in town is going
except the fraternity brothers.
- Wait a minute.
We can still handle it.
We'll have to do a lot of
rushing back and forth,
but at least we can beat
the dance part of the time.
- Well, that's great
for some of the guys,
but what about the babysitting?
- Yeah, that's right.
Too bad they can't take
the babies to the dance.
- Hey, that's not a bad idea.
- Taking the babies
to the dance?
- No, not the dance.
Look, fellas.
Why don't we gather
up all the kids
and take them to some
responsible person's house,
some real nice couple who've
had experience being parents?
Wonderful parents.
- Don't look at me.
- Oh, please, Mom.
- Please, Mom.
- Please, Mom.
- What's all this "please,
Mom" business about?
- Keep laughing, dear.
You'll find out.
[jazzy music]
- It certainly is a
lovely dance, David.
- Well, thanks.
We have a good crowd here.
We'll have enough money to fix
the fraternity house up great.
- Dave.
Oh, pardon me.
It's time for you to relieve
Jim over at the lunchroom.
- Oh, thanks.
Could you excuse me for
about a half an hour?
- A half an hour?
Where are you going?
- Well, it's a little
difficult to explain right now,
but I may be running
in and out all evening.
- Don't look so worried.
I'll be here.
[comical music]
- Here I am, honey.
- Well, you took long enough.
- Well, I rushed back
as soon as I could.
- So I see.
- Oh.
[lullaby music]
[babies fussing]
- Shh, shh.
Shh.
[baby fusses]
Baby.
Here we are.
What's the matter?
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
- How you doing with
the freshman, Pop?
- Oh, pretty good.
Thanks, Rick.
How are things going in
the sophomore dormitory?
[baby cries]
- Oh, fine.
There are two sleep in
my bed, three in Dave's.
- Please give me a
glass of water, Ricky.
- Oh, you'll get somebody.
Just a minute now.
- How's it going, dear?
- Oh, pretty good.
Who's that guy?
- I don't know.
He came with the
little Jackson boy.
- What's happening in the
liquid refreshment department?
Some of these kids are
getting pretty hungry.
- Oh, Ricky's bringing
them right up.
Do you know I had seven
different formulas
on the stove?
- Oh, Rick?
- Coming right up.
- Now, be sure to match
the tags on the bottle
with the tag on the baby.
[baby cries]
- Here we are.
- There.
- Here we are.
Here we are.
- That's a girl.
- Come on.
[baby cries]
- Hey, Ricky, where is it?
- I'll show you, Marv.
- Oh, come on in, Rick.
You're just in time to
burp one of these babies.
- Well, how do you do that?
- Oh, just put them on your
shoulder, pat him on the back,
and he'll do the rest.
- Come on.
You have to learn sometime.
[lullaby music]
- You take this guy.
Oh.
[baby fusses]
- Oh, Rick.
Are you going to the dance?
Kind of late, isn't it?
- Well, Dave just phoned.
He wanted me to come down there
and sing a couple of numbers,
but I can't find the guitar.
- Oh, well, I think your
father has it upstairs.
He took it up there to
sing some lullabies,
put the babies back to sleep.
- OK.
Thanks.
[babies fussing]
[music - "rock-a-bye baby"]
- [SINGING] Rock-a-bye
baby on the tree top.
[babies crying]
When the wind blows,
the cradle will rock.
Oh, come on, kids.
Go to sleep, huh?
- What's going on, Pop?
- I can't get these little
son of a guns to go to sleep.
I've sung every lullaby I know.
Oh, come on.
I guess they miss their parents.
- I don't think it's that, Pop.
These are modern kids.
They don't like this
old-fashioned stuff.
Let me try a little
rock and roll on them.
- Go ahead. help yourself.
[babies crying]
[MUSIC - RICKY NELSON, "BE BOP
BABY"]
- [SINGING] A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
She's the gal for me.
She's got plenty of
rhythm, got plenty of jive.
And when we dance,
we really come alive.
My love for her so
tender and sweet.
My heart starts pounding
every time we meet.
[babies cooing]
A be-bop baby,
still in her teens.
Just as sweet as she can be.
A be-bop baby in
her ol' blue jeans
is the be-bop baby for
me, a be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
She's the gal for me.
I'm going to find her tonight.
We're going to have a time.
I want the baby to
be mine, all mine.
A big day is coming
for my baby and me--
[clapping]
--the day she says
she belongs to me.
A be-bop baby,
still in her teens.
Just as sweet as she can be.
A be-bop baby in
her ol' blue jeans
is the be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
A be-bop baby.
She's the gal for me.
She got plenty of rhythm,
go plenty of jive.
And when we dance,
we really come.
My love for her is
so tender and sweet.
My heart starts pounding
And every time we meet.
A be-bop baby,
still in her teens.
Just as sweet as she can be.
A be-bop baby in
her ol' blue jeans
is the be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby for me.
A be-bop baby for me.
[applause]
- I wish I was 20
years younger, honey.
[MUSIC - RICKY NELSON, "HAVE
I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOVE
YOU"]
- [SINGING] Have I told
you lately that I love you?
Could I tell you
once again somehow?
Well, have I told you
with all my heart and soul
how I adore you?
Well, darling, I'm
telling you now.
- [squeals]
- My heart would break in
two if I should lose you.
I'm no good--
- I'm no good without you.
- --without you--
- I'm no good without you.
- --anyhow.
- I'm no good without you.
- Dear, have I told you
lately that I love you?
- Love you, love you?
- Well, darling.
- Darling.
- I'm telling you now.
- Telling you, telling
you, telling you.
- Well, darling,
I'm telling you now.
- Telling you, telling you now.
[applause]
- [chuckles softly]
- What are you laughing at?
- I was just looking at some
of these old photographs
of the boys.
They sure were cute little guys.
- [laughs]
[phone rings]
- Hello?
Oh, hi, Dave.
Yes, they're all back home.
Yeah, it was pretty
hectic for a while.
We had a regular
nursery going here.
- Uh, ask him how
the dance went.
- How'd the dance go?
Oh, good.
Oh, fine.
He says the dance was a
big financial success,
and Ricky singing was
the hit of the evening.
- Oh, gee, that's great.
- OK, dear.
Well, thanks for calling.
Oh, say, is Rick with you?
Oh, that's good.
Well, don't be too late now.
OK, goodbye.
- You don't realize
how these guys
have grown till you take a look
at some of these old pictures.
You know, I was thinking tonight
when I saw Rick all dressed up,
remember Dave's first
big date, when he was
wondering if he should shave?
- Yeah.
[dreamy sounds]
- What the heck are
you going to do?
- What does it look
like I'm going to do?
- Looks like you're
going to shave.
- That's exactly
right, sonny boy.
- Are you kiddin'?
I got more fuzz on these grapes.
Oh, no.
I don't want to look at this.
Did you cut yourself yet?
- Of course not.
Don't look so disappointed.
- That was pretty good.
- Yeah, it was pretty
good, wasn't it?
I think next time I'll
try it with a blade.
- Ozzie.
Ozzie.
- Oh, I guess I must dozed
off there for a minute.
- Let's go to sleep.
I'm tired.
- OK.
Remind me to ask Rick
what he did with my razor
when he borrowed it the other
day and never returned it.
[theme music]
- "Ozzie and Harriet" are
brought to you on film
by Eastman Kodak company.
This week, visit your
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for reliable service in
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This has been an ABC television
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