The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. (1993–1994): Season 1, Episode 21 - Ned Zed - full transcript
Frankie? Frankie?
I thought you were
going to bed.
I wasn't tired.
Get tired. We got
a big day of fishing tomorrow.
Dad, we're in the West.
There could be a gunfight
or a bank robbery
out there any minute!
Frankie...
the West isn't exactly
like what you read about
in these dime novels.
Dad, just let me
finish the opening.
Brisco's about to be hung
for cheating at a card game.
Brisco? No, Brisco
would never cheat at cards.
Listen to this.
That's exactly what
Brisco's telling
the bad guys.
Get the rope.
Any final words,
Señor Brisco County Jr.?
Yeah.
I didn't do it.
You cheat me in cards,
now you lie to my face?
[LAUGHING]
Adios, Señor.
Better luck
in the next world.
Slap the horse.
Easy, Comet.
[HORSE BRAYING]
Slap the horse again.
Easy, Boy.
Good, Comet.
Slap the horse again,
otra vez.
[SLAP]
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Ooh, buddy.
Right there is good.
Hang the horse!
[HORSE WHINNYING]
Wait. I found the card.
I found the ace of spades.
Where?
It was in Carlos' pocket.
Ahh.
Carlitos.
Vas a pagar con su sangre!
Whoa, Comet.
Now, Comet. Go!
FRANKIE: So then
Comet rode off
and Brisco
got away from
all the bandits.
You knew he'd get
outta it, didn't you?
I didn't know
about that one.
Of course, Lord Bowler would
always be there
to come to his rescue.
Not in this story.
Brisco and Bowler
aren't partners yet.
This one's about
Ned Zed.
Boy, Brisco's
in for it this time.
Well, let's see here.
Hmm. Chapter One.
"I'll be sawing you
in all the old
familiar places."
It's catchy.
"The huge vault
slowly opened,
"and there stood
the diminutive,
crazed bank robber
"that sent fear
up the spine
of many a man--
Ned Zed."
Folks, you are now
being robbed by me--
Ned Zed--the most
notorious member
of John Bly's
fugitive gang
and the most famous
and popular desperado
currently operating
in the field
of unauthorized
cash withdrawal
at gunpoint.
Try and remember
as many details
of this moment
as you can,
for you shall never
tire of recounting
the experience
to your friends
and loved ones.
What are you
looking at?Nothing.
You calling me nothing?
No, Sir.
Come on in, Darling.
Join the party.
Don't be shy.
"Ned Zed's diabolical plan
unrolled,
"blind to the arrival
of Mr. Socrates Poole
"in the quiet town
of Mishap,
"A town which was
soon to have another
distinguished visitor,
A visitor on collision
course of destiny--"
Brisco County Jr.
Brisco.
Socrates, what are you
doing here?
You forced me
into the field.
Your employers
require a real
progress report, Brisco.
Postcards from
distant locations
saying,
"Enjoying
myself immensely.
Wish you were here,"
simply will not do.
Uh-huh.
Let's go.
We got everything.
Not quite.
Ma'am...
My wedding ring.
Ohh.
Now we got
everything.
[LAUGHING]
Folks, if you try
to follow us out,
I'll be forced
to gun you down
like dogs in the street.
That goes especially
for you, Grammy.
"Brisco waited
outside the bank,
confident that Ned Zed
had made his final mistake."
Hold it right there.
Ned Zed.
Brisco County Jr.
Drop the sacks, boys.
Right hands in the air,
left hands unfastening
the gun belts.
Better do like
the man says.
Socrates,
go find the sheriff.
Absolutely.
Know something,
Brisco?
Up till now,
this robbery's gone
pretty much better
than expected.
I didn't have
to use the dynamite
that I brought along
to blow the safe.
What dynamite?
The dynamite that's
in the haywagon
behind you.
The haywagon
that's on fire.
Nice try, Ned.
That's the oldest trick
in the book.
Go ahead.
Suit yourself.
There's enough TNT in
there to blow up you and me
and half of this town.
Go ahead,
take a look...
before it's too late.
Oh, boy.
What now, smarty-pants?
Come on. Think fast.
Get back!
Keep away!
Next time, Zed.
Hyah!
Brisco?
Oh, good lord, no.
Oh, Brisco, no.
Brisco, you're alive!
Hi, Soc.
Boy, that was close.
I know.
This is my favorite hat.
I'm not asleep.
Ahem.
"With Brisco
hot on the trail
of Ned Zed,
"Socrates returned
to San Francisco
to meet with their
common employer,
Mr. Ethan Emerson."
Oh, Socrates.
Come in.
I was just going over
our itinerary.
We'll take the train
as far as Portland,
then on to Olympia
via stagecoach,
reaching Lumberville,
our final destination,
on horseback.
Is this trip
absolutely necessary?
Well, of course it is.
I've opened banks
all across the West,
and I've been there
each time to personally
receive the first deposit.
I'm not about
to stop now.
Even if the risks
of such a symbolic gesture
outweigh the benefits?
Symbolic gesture,
Socrates? Far from it.
Before I owned banks,
I ran banks.
And before
I ran banks,
I worked in banks.
And before that--I understand, Sir.
This is the
never-lose-touch-
with-the-common-man speech--
a perfectly valid
point of view.
I make no case
against it.
My only concern
is for your
personal safety.
Ned Zed, after all, is still
very much on the loose.
Rob the bank
on opening day?
With all the attention,
people, and security?
Ned Zed would have
to be crazy.
Besides, I have
great faith in
Brisco County.
He's on the case.
If there was any chance
that Zed was planning
to rob our bank in Lumberville,
then that's where
county would be headed
this very minute.
Hyah!
[HOWLING]
Room, please.Do you mind
sharing a room?
I got a room
with 2 beds,
one's occupied.
I'll take it.
One bed's big, soft,
and comfortable
and goes for $5.00 a night
in advance.
I need a receipt
for that.
Room 7.
You don't need a key.
There aren't any locks.
There's your receipt.
Thanks.
Who was that
who just checked in?
Brisco County.
Is that where he's from?
No, that's who he is.
[SNORING]
Very fancy.
[SNORT] Huh?Wake up. You're in
my bed, wake up!
I love you, Baby.
Bowler?
Brisco?
[BOTH]
What're you doing here?
I'm sleeping.Yeah. In my bed.
I just
paid $5.00
for this bed.
Brisco, look at that
other bed.
How am I gonna sleep in that?
It's a foot shorter
than I am!
I don't know,
and I don't care.
I want this bed.
I paid for it.
Now, get out.
Okay, I'm getting. What you
so lathered up about?
Because everywhere
I turn, you're there.
I already got a shadow,
I don't need another.
Too confusing.
Man can't tell if
the sun is going
up or coming down.
Take it easy.
I'm here on business
of my own.
Oh, like heck
you are.
You're trying to
beat me to Ned Zed.
Why? Is Ned Zed up here?
Yeah. I got
a hunch he is.
Well, then play your hunch
and welcome to him.
He's all yours.
No more bounty hunting
for me.
I got myself
an easy job
with a real paycheck.
Payroll transport.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Honest truth.
What fool's gonna
trust you with
their payroll?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hi, Brisco.
Uh, Francis.
Francis McCabe.
You look wonderful.So do you.
Can I buy you
dinner downstairs?
Yeah, I'd like
that a lot.
Oh, I've missed you, Cowboy.
Uh, howdy, Boss.
Oh. Hi, Bowler.
Don't keep me waiting.
Boss, huh?
Well, she's the one
that hired me
to carry the payroll.
What's the story
between you two?
Nothing.What kind of nothing?
Okay, she's somebody
I met in college.
We were engaged.
And then a week
before the wedding,
she ran off with
a West Point cadet
and broke my heart.
Ooh.
Thatkind of nothing.
Stay out of my bed.
I thought you'd be an officer's
wife with 2 children by now.
Why would you think that?
Well, because you--
Don't you remember?Remember what?
Harvard Square?
West Point?Mm-mmm.
Christmas holidays?
You, me,
the ring? Him?
Oh, Brisco!
You sweet thing.
God, that was nearly
12 years ago.
We were
children then.
I wasn't.
Oh, yes, you were!
We both were.
In those days I'd fall for
anyone with a thin mustache
and a pretty uniform.
I can't believe
you'd remember that.
Well, just a fluke,
I guess.
Who could explain it?
Tell me, Brisco,
why have our paths
crossed again
after so many years?
What brings you
to Lumberville?
Ned Zed?
He's a wanted fugitive,
an escaped outlaw.
He's also one of the men
who shot down my father.
Oh, yes.
I read about that.
I'm sorry.
Robber barons in San Francisco
hired me to track down Ned
and the other members
of John Bly's gang.
There's a new bank
opening in town.
Won't be long before
Zed tries to rob it.
My job is to stop him
before he does.
He got away
from me once.
It's not gonna
happen again.
Excusez moi, Mademoiselle McCabe.
The salmon are running.
Regarde!
Mmm. Good eating
for your guests, huh?
Frenchie get you
all you want.
Why don't you
talk to the cook,
Frenchie?
He'll take
care of you.
Merci.
Brisco, meet
Frenchie Bearpaux,
one of our suppliers.
Bearpaw? Bearpaux. P-a-u-x.
It is French.
I hunt, I trap,
I fish.
I am Frenchie Bearpaux.
Nice to know you.
Brisco County Jr.
Not the son
of Brisco County,
the famous lawman?
That's right.
Hope to see you around,
Monsieur County.
Au revoir.
Brisco, my glass is empty.
Let's take the wine
up to my room
and finish it there.
"Brisco watched
as Francis sashayed away
and wondered what
lay in store upstairs."
Dad?
I don't mind
if you skip
the mushy stuff.
What's wrong
with the mushy stuff?
It's mushy!
I kind of like
the mushy stuff.
Anyway, uh...
you want to hear the part
about Frenchie Bearpaux?
Sounds good.
Okay.
Ahem.
"Frenchie Bearpaux
returned to his cabin
and started to spin
his devious plan."
Jacques!
Tonight we celebrate.
I have found
Brisco County.
Ho ho ho ho ho!
Revenge will be sweet,
my dear Jacques.
Like springtime,
when you used to
tromp around
in the forest
and catch fishes
in the river.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ned Zed.
That bear is dead,
Frenchie,
and so is
Brisco County.
I know.
So I must settle
for his son.
To me, it is all the same.
Brisco County Jr.--
he's up here?
Oh, God! I can't
shake that guy.
Where is he?
Please, Monsieur Zed.
I want him for myself.
Don't worry your head
over him.
I will take care
of him for you.
Okay, Frenchie,
you go ahead.
I got plenty
to do as it is.
But don't let me down.
And by the way,
me and the boys
need a place to lay low
for a day or so.
Mind if we stick around?
Please, be my guest.
So, Frenchie,
tell me...
why do you hate
Brisco County so much?
Ooh.
It is personal.
The next morning,
Brisco struggled
to clear Francis
from his thoughts.
But his aim...
was off.
Having a good time?
Oh, just chasing away
the bees.
Huh?
Just clearing out
the cobwebs.
What for?
I got a few things
on my mind.
You didn't sleep
in your bed last night.
Yeah, like I said, I got
a few things on my mind.
I slept in that
hard little bed
all night long
while that big soft bed
just went to waste.
Where was you, anyway?
None of your business.
Brisco's got
a girlfriend.
♪ Brisco's got
a girlfriend ♪
I don't know
what I got, Bowler.
Probably just trouble.
Well, don't let it
distract you
from your job.
Don't worry.
Of all the sawmills
in all the lumber towns,
why did I have to
walk into hers?
Well, what you can't cure,
you must endure.
I need some
more bottles.
Empty ones?
Eventually.
So when is it
going to be done?
One more day.
One more day?
Yesterday was
2 more days!
The day before that
was 3 more!
What do you take me for,
an idiot?
I promise you, Ned.
One more day.
That's all I need.
Ahh. Alright, Morgan,
but no more excuses.
Come on, boys.
Where to now, Ned,
lunch?
Gunsmith shop,
then lunch.
Brisco.
I was just thinking
about you.
I've been thinking
about you, too.
Can't believe
I let you slip
through my fingers.
We were just kids
then, remember?
I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm all grown up,
and I know exactly
what I want.
Oh, I'm tired
of Lumberville, Brisco.
Come back with me
to New York.
I don't like crowds,
Francis. You know that.
But it's a very
big house.
We could always
stay indoors.
[DOOR OPENS]
Murderers!
Cutthroats!
Assassins!
What's the matter?
What happened?
I was hunting
in the woods
when I heard voices
coming from
the old sawmill.
3 men talking
about the bank,
about robbing the bank.
One of them
sees me and says,
"Ned, look behind you."
then this Ned--
short fellow with
a bad temper--
turns and yells,
"Get him. Kill him!"
so I ran and
I never looked back.
Ned Zed. I knew
Zed would show up.
He couldn't resist
that new bank.
Where is this old sawmill?
I will take you there.
Hold that thought.
Through there.
I'll feel a lot better when
this money's safely inside
the vault of the new bank.
Well, you can count
on me, Ma'am.
Payroll transport
is the next best thing
I'm good
at after man-hunting.
Well, it's a full day's ride
down the mountain,
so you better get started.
Oh, by the way,
I saw Frenchie Bearpaux
lurking around today.
Better tell Brisco
to watch his back.Why is that?
Well, Bearpaux
hated Brisco's dad,
and everybody knows
that Bearpaux
is crazy as
a bee-stung griz.
Uh...so just tell Brisco
keep his eyes open.
Open your eyes.
Open your eyes.
I want you to see
the fate that
awaits you.
Uh-oh.
You will pay for
what your father
did to me...
Junior Brisco.
What did he do?
This.
Many years ago,
I was a wanted man.
Your father tracked me
high into the mountains.
He would not quit.
He just kept coming!
So I placed a bear trap
in his path.
But he came up
from behind me.
I turned, but the trap
was not yet set.
It sprung. Baaa!
No more hand.
Later...
I replaced my hand
with the paw
of a bear.
For I am...
Frenchie Bearpaux.
I'm real sorry
about all that, Frenchie,
but that's got nothing
to do with me.
Mmm.
Close enough.
Well, Brisco,
we meet again.
Excuse me
if I don't stand up.
Good work, Frenchie.
This is going to be
a real sidesplitting
experience.
Start the saw blade!
Better luck
in the next world,
county.
[BRISCO GROANING]
Sorry I can't stay
and watch.
I hate the sight
of blood, even yours.
Come on, Frenchie.
Watch out
for splinters!
"The buzzing saw blade
was just a blur
"as it gnawed and
carved through the log,
moving ever so closer
to our hero."
This is pretty good,
isn't it?
Yeah. I think
I can go to sleep.
Now?
But--but Brisco's on a log.
He's about to be
carved in half.
Okay, maybe just
a little bit more.
Ahem. "Chapter 2--
when all is Zed and done."
"The terrible saw
ate up wood like butter,
"threatening
to make Brisco
half the man
he used to be."
Aah!
Oh.
Brisco?
Oh.
Get me out of these ropes.
Get these ropes off me!
Are you alright?Am I alright?
I almost--did you see that?
Do you know what
it's like to ge--
can you even imagine?
I'm going to have
nightmares about this
for the rest of my life.
Brisco.
Calm...
down.
Where can I find Bearpaux?
Well, I--Where does he live?
Follow me.
You know,
all I needed
was directions.
Well, I'm not good
at directions.
Besides, I don't trust you
to take too many chances.
I think I'm taking a
big one right now. [GUNSHOT]
Somebody's shooting.
At us?
Run for cover!
Yep.
Hyah!
[GUNFIRE]
What's going on?
Bandits. They want
the payroll.
Howdy, Boss.Do you need
any help, Bowler?
A gunfight
is no place
for a woman.
I meant Brisco.
Ha. Nah, they only
outnumber me 5 to 1.
Oh, he's just
showing off.
Reloading.
May I?
Okay, don't
hit anybody.
I want them all
for myself.
Yow!
Sorry. I think winged
one of them.
Every desperado
in the state
must know I'm carrying
this money.
I've been chased,
shot at, bushwhacked,
run up a tree,
pushed off a cliff.
But don't worry, boss.
I'm going to get
the payroll through.
Yeah, I can see
you're busy, Bowler.
Come on, Francis.
Just do me
one favor, County.
Keep Ned Zed
away from me.
That's what
I'm trying to do.
Honey, keep your
head down.
Bowler.
What?
Cover us?
Oh, sorry, Brisco.
Guess I was just
thinking of myself.
Is he gonna be
alright?Bowler? Oh, sure.
He'll be fine.
Don't worry about him.
I taught him everything
he knows.
We're getting closer now.
Turn down that path.
What is it, Comet?
What's the matter?
Huh.
Bear traps.
Francis, be careful.
There's--
Bear traps.
Brisco, there's
bear traps all over
the ground.
Francis, stay right
where you are.
Just keep in my tracks.
Good eye, Comet.
Alright,
nice and easy, now,
watching our step.
Comet is amazing, Brisco.
How does he manage
to avoid these traps?
Fear.
[SINGING ALOUETTE]
Frenchie.
Drop the brush
and step away
from the bear.
Jacques, run!
Uh!
Ha ha!
A bear hug.
Where is Zed,
Frenchie? Tell me.
I do not know.
He was here,
but now he's gone.
Where? Gone where?
Mon dieu!No!What are you doing?
I am removing your
bear paw, Bearpaux.
Alright, alright,
I will tell you!
He's gone to rob the bank,
but you are too late
to stop him.
Maybe not, Frenchie.
Maybe not.
And I'm taking this.
Ha ha ha ha.
Remember, you
can take the helmet off,
but you'll need me
to cut you outta that.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What else do I need?
Stepladder and
a strong horse.
Hey! Who's got
my machinery gun?
Right here, Ned.
What is that, Ned?It's my machinery gun.
I had it made up special.
[CHUCKLING]
Wait till the boys
in the bank see me.
Ha ha ha ha!
You can't stop now.
I'm wide awake now.
Frankie,
it's almost midnight.
Don't you want to know
if Ned Zed gets away
with it?
And what about
Frenchie Bearpaux?
And you know there's gotta be
some more mushy stuff
with that lady.
"The bank was filled
with customers
and Pinkerton men
"anticipating the worst
that day,
and the worst was just
outside closing in."
"But the town folk
were oblivious
"to all but
their own excitement
"at the opening
of a new branch
of the Emerson
National Bank."
There you go, Madam--
the bank's
very first deposit,
all duly noted
and recorded,
and thank you
for banking
with Emerson National.
Oh, no. Brisco,
if you're here,
it can only mean
trouble.
Is everything okay?Of course. Why?
'Cause Ned Zed's
on his way here.
See what I mean?Let him come.
Between you and
those 2 Pinkertons,
I feel
perfectly safe.
This bank
will remain open
until the close of
the business day.
[CLANKING]
SOCRATES:
What in the world?
Looks like the business day
just ended.
Everybody, make like
statues and freeze!
Get down!
You're not listening!
Behind the counter.You, you, and you!
Pinkerton men,
drop your guns in fear
or I'll shoot you dead! Now!
Run! Go on, get!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Welcome to Ned Zed's
greatest bank robbery,
starring the notorious
Ned Zed,
the man in the iron suit
and featuring
the amazing machinery gun!
Stop it!
Is there a back door?
No, that would be
a breach of security.
You might wanna
reconsider that
in the future.
Where's the vault?
Follow me.
Oh, you can never find
a teller when you need one.
Whatever happened
to good old-fashioned
service, huh?
Haven't you heard
the expression--
We'll never make it.
He'll gun us down.
I've got an idea.
Get out from here,
Ned Conner, and
give me my money!
Hey, Ned. Over here.
Brisco County?
Not again.
Ha! Go.
Yeah, yeah, take that!
Ha ha--ooh.
Ha ha ha ha!
[CACKLING]
Why'd you do that?
Because you left it open.
Yeah, so I could
fire back.
Well, now we're safe.
No, now we're locked
in the safe.
Don't worry.
After that maniac leaves,
someone will
come back in here
and let us out.
Who knows
the combination?
I do.
No, no,
besides you,
I mean.
Well, I believe I gave
a copy to Socrates.
That's right.
You did.
I want that payroll!
Unh!
Where's the new bank?
You're looking at it.
Thanks.
Better not go in there.
There's a metal man inside.
Say what?
A metal man.
Uh!
Listen. I hear somebody
out there.
Bowler.
Lord Bowler.
Socrates, hand me
the combination.
Bowler,
if you can hear this,
turn the dial right to 38.
[CLICKING]
Now left to 5.
[CLICKING]
And back right to 23.
[CLICKING]
FRANCIS:
Push the door open.
Bowler is such
an idiot.
Bowler, try it again.
Right 38,
left 5,
right 23.
[CLICKING]
Try the door now.
Comet?
Brisco, this horse
is amazing.
He's not
that amazing.
Took him 2 tries.
Where are
you going?
I'm going to get Ned Zed.
Come on, Comet.
Which way did
Ned Zed go?
That away.
Thanks.
Ooh.
Come on!
Come on.
This suit's
too heavy, Ivan.
This horse
is no good.
I'm going to need
your horse.
Then what will I do?
I don't know.
Walk.
Can I ride double
with Dell?
That's up to Dell.
How about it, Dell?
Sorry, Ivan.
I'd just feel awkward
about doing that.
Stand down, Ivan.
Dell, you're good company
and a true friend,
but this horse
is all worn out,
so now I'll be needing
your horse.
Well, it's just
not right, Ned.
It's just not right.
Get off the horse.
I quit this gang.
Aw, good riddance, Dell.
I never liked you, anyway.
Ned Zed.
Hyah!
Ne--
Hyah.
Hyah! Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah!
Uh!
Ha ha!
We got him now, Comet.
Hyah, come on!
Uh.
Ooh.
Whoa.
Aah!
Whoa!
Aah! Uh!
Uh! Uh!
Well, Ned...
looks like
you're trapped.
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Now that you got Ned,
what you gonna
do with him?
Government soldiers are on their
way to take him into custody.
What about Francis?
You two were made
for each other.
Oh, you could
tell that, huh?
Oh, yeah.
This is a very fine
woman, Brisco.
You're a big fool
letting her get away.
She wants me to go
back east with her.
Do it.
I don't think so,
Bowler.
She's a heartbreaker.
She doesn't mean to be.
It's just her nature.
Well, turnabout's
fair play.
This time you get to
break her heart.
Well,
believe me,
I'm not looking
forward to it.
Fools!
I'm Ned Zed!
I can't be stopped!
They haven't built a prison
that could hold me!
Uh! Hey, you'll
all be sorry.
I'm gonna come back
and get every
one of you!
I got a bad temper
and a long memory!
You'll see. Ha ha!
Brisco,
a job well done.Thank you, Sir.
You'll be glad to know
I've an appointment
with a gunsmith
who invented
Ned's machinery gun.
We're going to
buy the patent.
You guys don't miss
a trick, do you?
Come on, Socrates.
Let's go draw up
that contract.
Miss McCabe, I understand
you own and operate
this beautiful lodge.
Please,
call me Francis.
I'm a tad hungry,
Francis.
I hear you make
a mean salmon.
Don't you have to
leave with your men?
I have my own horse.
Say no more, Lieutenant.
My kitchen is open.
You're very kind.
What are those medals for?
They each have
their own story.
Oh, do they really?
Ooh.
She is a heartbreaker.
Well, like you said
before, Bowler--
"what you can't cure,
you must endure."
[WHISTLES]
Good boy, Comet.
Going down
the mountain?It's the only way back.
Wait for me. It ain't safe
for a man to ride alone
in these parts.
Oh, I'm not worried.
I wasn't talking
about you.
You know something,
Bowler?
This trip has
taught me something.
What's that?The more I learn,
the less I know.
Yeah, I hear you,
and I understand
what you mean.
You do?
Yeah, at the rate
we learning things,
We won't know nothing
in no time.
"And as Brisco and Bowler
"rode off to their
next adventure,
"the little hamlet
of Lumberville
"was assured that
the scourge of Ned Zed
"had come to an end.
The end."
Do you think it really
happened like that?
Frankie,
believing in something
is all that's
really important.
It'll give you the road
to where you want to go
and what you want to be.
Like Brisco and Bowler.
Now who could that be
at this hour of the night?
Careful, Dad.
It's the wild west.
You never know.
Oh, I think we're
pretty safe in this hotel.
Can I help you?
You got the wrong room,
Genius.
Sorry to bother you.
Guess we're
down there, Bowler.
Brisco?
Bowler?
I thought you were
going to bed.
I wasn't tired.
Get tired. We got
a big day of fishing tomorrow.
Dad, we're in the West.
There could be a gunfight
or a bank robbery
out there any minute!
Frankie...
the West isn't exactly
like what you read about
in these dime novels.
Dad, just let me
finish the opening.
Brisco's about to be hung
for cheating at a card game.
Brisco? No, Brisco
would never cheat at cards.
Listen to this.
That's exactly what
Brisco's telling
the bad guys.
Get the rope.
Any final words,
Señor Brisco County Jr.?
Yeah.
I didn't do it.
You cheat me in cards,
now you lie to my face?
[LAUGHING]
Adios, Señor.
Better luck
in the next world.
Slap the horse.
Easy, Comet.
[HORSE BRAYING]
Slap the horse again.
Easy, Boy.
Good, Comet.
Slap the horse again,
otra vez.
[SLAP]
[HORSE WHINNIES]
Ooh, buddy.
Right there is good.
Hang the horse!
[HORSE WHINNYING]
Wait. I found the card.
I found the ace of spades.
Where?
It was in Carlos' pocket.
Ahh.
Carlitos.
Vas a pagar con su sangre!
Whoa, Comet.
Now, Comet. Go!
FRANKIE: So then
Comet rode off
and Brisco
got away from
all the bandits.
You knew he'd get
outta it, didn't you?
I didn't know
about that one.
Of course, Lord Bowler would
always be there
to come to his rescue.
Not in this story.
Brisco and Bowler
aren't partners yet.
This one's about
Ned Zed.
Boy, Brisco's
in for it this time.
Well, let's see here.
Hmm. Chapter One.
"I'll be sawing you
in all the old
familiar places."
It's catchy.
"The huge vault
slowly opened,
"and there stood
the diminutive,
crazed bank robber
"that sent fear
up the spine
of many a man--
Ned Zed."
Folks, you are now
being robbed by me--
Ned Zed--the most
notorious member
of John Bly's
fugitive gang
and the most famous
and popular desperado
currently operating
in the field
of unauthorized
cash withdrawal
at gunpoint.
Try and remember
as many details
of this moment
as you can,
for you shall never
tire of recounting
the experience
to your friends
and loved ones.
What are you
looking at?Nothing.
You calling me nothing?
No, Sir.
Come on in, Darling.
Join the party.
Don't be shy.
"Ned Zed's diabolical plan
unrolled,
"blind to the arrival
of Mr. Socrates Poole
"in the quiet town
of Mishap,
"A town which was
soon to have another
distinguished visitor,
A visitor on collision
course of destiny--"
Brisco County Jr.
Brisco.
Socrates, what are you
doing here?
You forced me
into the field.
Your employers
require a real
progress report, Brisco.
Postcards from
distant locations
saying,
"Enjoying
myself immensely.
Wish you were here,"
simply will not do.
Uh-huh.
Let's go.
We got everything.
Not quite.
Ma'am...
My wedding ring.
Ohh.
Now we got
everything.
[LAUGHING]
Folks, if you try
to follow us out,
I'll be forced
to gun you down
like dogs in the street.
That goes especially
for you, Grammy.
"Brisco waited
outside the bank,
confident that Ned Zed
had made his final mistake."
Hold it right there.
Ned Zed.
Brisco County Jr.
Drop the sacks, boys.
Right hands in the air,
left hands unfastening
the gun belts.
Better do like
the man says.
Socrates,
go find the sheriff.
Absolutely.
Know something,
Brisco?
Up till now,
this robbery's gone
pretty much better
than expected.
I didn't have
to use the dynamite
that I brought along
to blow the safe.
What dynamite?
The dynamite that's
in the haywagon
behind you.
The haywagon
that's on fire.
Nice try, Ned.
That's the oldest trick
in the book.
Go ahead.
Suit yourself.
There's enough TNT in
there to blow up you and me
and half of this town.
Go ahead,
take a look...
before it's too late.
Oh, boy.
What now, smarty-pants?
Come on. Think fast.
Get back!
Keep away!
Next time, Zed.
Hyah!
Brisco?
Oh, good lord, no.
Oh, Brisco, no.
Brisco, you're alive!
Hi, Soc.
Boy, that was close.
I know.
This is my favorite hat.
I'm not asleep.
Ahem.
"With Brisco
hot on the trail
of Ned Zed,
"Socrates returned
to San Francisco
to meet with their
common employer,
Mr. Ethan Emerson."
Oh, Socrates.
Come in.
I was just going over
our itinerary.
We'll take the train
as far as Portland,
then on to Olympia
via stagecoach,
reaching Lumberville,
our final destination,
on horseback.
Is this trip
absolutely necessary?
Well, of course it is.
I've opened banks
all across the West,
and I've been there
each time to personally
receive the first deposit.
I'm not about
to stop now.
Even if the risks
of such a symbolic gesture
outweigh the benefits?
Symbolic gesture,
Socrates? Far from it.
Before I owned banks,
I ran banks.
And before
I ran banks,
I worked in banks.
And before that--I understand, Sir.
This is the
never-lose-touch-
with-the-common-man speech--
a perfectly valid
point of view.
I make no case
against it.
My only concern
is for your
personal safety.
Ned Zed, after all, is still
very much on the loose.
Rob the bank
on opening day?
With all the attention,
people, and security?
Ned Zed would have
to be crazy.
Besides, I have
great faith in
Brisco County.
He's on the case.
If there was any chance
that Zed was planning
to rob our bank in Lumberville,
then that's where
county would be headed
this very minute.
Hyah!
[HOWLING]
Room, please.Do you mind
sharing a room?
I got a room
with 2 beds,
one's occupied.
I'll take it.
One bed's big, soft,
and comfortable
and goes for $5.00 a night
in advance.
I need a receipt
for that.
Room 7.
You don't need a key.
There aren't any locks.
There's your receipt.
Thanks.
Who was that
who just checked in?
Brisco County.
Is that where he's from?
No, that's who he is.
[SNORING]
Very fancy.
[SNORT] Huh?Wake up. You're in
my bed, wake up!
I love you, Baby.
Bowler?
Brisco?
[BOTH]
What're you doing here?
I'm sleeping.Yeah. In my bed.
I just
paid $5.00
for this bed.
Brisco, look at that
other bed.
How am I gonna sleep in that?
It's a foot shorter
than I am!
I don't know,
and I don't care.
I want this bed.
I paid for it.
Now, get out.
Okay, I'm getting. What you
so lathered up about?
Because everywhere
I turn, you're there.
I already got a shadow,
I don't need another.
Too confusing.
Man can't tell if
the sun is going
up or coming down.
Take it easy.
I'm here on business
of my own.
Oh, like heck
you are.
You're trying to
beat me to Ned Zed.
Why? Is Ned Zed up here?
Yeah. I got
a hunch he is.
Well, then play your hunch
and welcome to him.
He's all yours.
No more bounty hunting
for me.
I got myself
an easy job
with a real paycheck.
Payroll transport.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Honest truth.
What fool's gonna
trust you with
their payroll?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hi, Brisco.
Uh, Francis.
Francis McCabe.
You look wonderful.So do you.
Can I buy you
dinner downstairs?
Yeah, I'd like
that a lot.
Oh, I've missed you, Cowboy.
Uh, howdy, Boss.
Oh. Hi, Bowler.
Don't keep me waiting.
Boss, huh?
Well, she's the one
that hired me
to carry the payroll.
What's the story
between you two?
Nothing.What kind of nothing?
Okay, she's somebody
I met in college.
We were engaged.
And then a week
before the wedding,
she ran off with
a West Point cadet
and broke my heart.
Ooh.
Thatkind of nothing.
Stay out of my bed.
I thought you'd be an officer's
wife with 2 children by now.
Why would you think that?
Well, because you--
Don't you remember?Remember what?
Harvard Square?
West Point?Mm-mmm.
Christmas holidays?
You, me,
the ring? Him?
Oh, Brisco!
You sweet thing.
God, that was nearly
12 years ago.
We were
children then.
I wasn't.
Oh, yes, you were!
We both were.
In those days I'd fall for
anyone with a thin mustache
and a pretty uniform.
I can't believe
you'd remember that.
Well, just a fluke,
I guess.
Who could explain it?
Tell me, Brisco,
why have our paths
crossed again
after so many years?
What brings you
to Lumberville?
Ned Zed?
He's a wanted fugitive,
an escaped outlaw.
He's also one of the men
who shot down my father.
Oh, yes.
I read about that.
I'm sorry.
Robber barons in San Francisco
hired me to track down Ned
and the other members
of John Bly's gang.
There's a new bank
opening in town.
Won't be long before
Zed tries to rob it.
My job is to stop him
before he does.
He got away
from me once.
It's not gonna
happen again.
Excusez moi, Mademoiselle McCabe.
The salmon are running.
Regarde!
Mmm. Good eating
for your guests, huh?
Frenchie get you
all you want.
Why don't you
talk to the cook,
Frenchie?
He'll take
care of you.
Merci.
Brisco, meet
Frenchie Bearpaux,
one of our suppliers.
Bearpaw? Bearpaux. P-a-u-x.
It is French.
I hunt, I trap,
I fish.
I am Frenchie Bearpaux.
Nice to know you.
Brisco County Jr.
Not the son
of Brisco County,
the famous lawman?
That's right.
Hope to see you around,
Monsieur County.
Au revoir.
Brisco, my glass is empty.
Let's take the wine
up to my room
and finish it there.
"Brisco watched
as Francis sashayed away
and wondered what
lay in store upstairs."
Dad?
I don't mind
if you skip
the mushy stuff.
What's wrong
with the mushy stuff?
It's mushy!
I kind of like
the mushy stuff.
Anyway, uh...
you want to hear the part
about Frenchie Bearpaux?
Sounds good.
Okay.
Ahem.
"Frenchie Bearpaux
returned to his cabin
and started to spin
his devious plan."
Jacques!
Tonight we celebrate.
I have found
Brisco County.
Ho ho ho ho ho!
Revenge will be sweet,
my dear Jacques.
Like springtime,
when you used to
tromp around
in the forest
and catch fishes
in the river.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ned Zed.
That bear is dead,
Frenchie,
and so is
Brisco County.
I know.
So I must settle
for his son.
To me, it is all the same.
Brisco County Jr.--
he's up here?
Oh, God! I can't
shake that guy.
Where is he?
Please, Monsieur Zed.
I want him for myself.
Don't worry your head
over him.
I will take care
of him for you.
Okay, Frenchie,
you go ahead.
I got plenty
to do as it is.
But don't let me down.
And by the way,
me and the boys
need a place to lay low
for a day or so.
Mind if we stick around?
Please, be my guest.
So, Frenchie,
tell me...
why do you hate
Brisco County so much?
Ooh.
It is personal.
The next morning,
Brisco struggled
to clear Francis
from his thoughts.
But his aim...
was off.
Having a good time?
Oh, just chasing away
the bees.
Huh?
Just clearing out
the cobwebs.
What for?
I got a few things
on my mind.
You didn't sleep
in your bed last night.
Yeah, like I said, I got
a few things on my mind.
I slept in that
hard little bed
all night long
while that big soft bed
just went to waste.
Where was you, anyway?
None of your business.
Brisco's got
a girlfriend.
♪ Brisco's got
a girlfriend ♪
I don't know
what I got, Bowler.
Probably just trouble.
Well, don't let it
distract you
from your job.
Don't worry.
Of all the sawmills
in all the lumber towns,
why did I have to
walk into hers?
Well, what you can't cure,
you must endure.
I need some
more bottles.
Empty ones?
Eventually.
So when is it
going to be done?
One more day.
One more day?
Yesterday was
2 more days!
The day before that
was 3 more!
What do you take me for,
an idiot?
I promise you, Ned.
One more day.
That's all I need.
Ahh. Alright, Morgan,
but no more excuses.
Come on, boys.
Where to now, Ned,
lunch?
Gunsmith shop,
then lunch.
Brisco.
I was just thinking
about you.
I've been thinking
about you, too.
Can't believe
I let you slip
through my fingers.
We were just kids
then, remember?
I'm not a kid anymore.
I'm all grown up,
and I know exactly
what I want.
Oh, I'm tired
of Lumberville, Brisco.
Come back with me
to New York.
I don't like crowds,
Francis. You know that.
But it's a very
big house.
We could always
stay indoors.
[DOOR OPENS]
Murderers!
Cutthroats!
Assassins!
What's the matter?
What happened?
I was hunting
in the woods
when I heard voices
coming from
the old sawmill.
3 men talking
about the bank,
about robbing the bank.
One of them
sees me and says,
"Ned, look behind you."
then this Ned--
short fellow with
a bad temper--
turns and yells,
"Get him. Kill him!"
so I ran and
I never looked back.
Ned Zed. I knew
Zed would show up.
He couldn't resist
that new bank.
Where is this old sawmill?
I will take you there.
Hold that thought.
Through there.
I'll feel a lot better when
this money's safely inside
the vault of the new bank.
Well, you can count
on me, Ma'am.
Payroll transport
is the next best thing
I'm good
at after man-hunting.
Well, it's a full day's ride
down the mountain,
so you better get started.
Oh, by the way,
I saw Frenchie Bearpaux
lurking around today.
Better tell Brisco
to watch his back.Why is that?
Well, Bearpaux
hated Brisco's dad,
and everybody knows
that Bearpaux
is crazy as
a bee-stung griz.
Uh...so just tell Brisco
keep his eyes open.
Open your eyes.
Open your eyes.
I want you to see
the fate that
awaits you.
Uh-oh.
You will pay for
what your father
did to me...
Junior Brisco.
What did he do?
This.
Many years ago,
I was a wanted man.
Your father tracked me
high into the mountains.
He would not quit.
He just kept coming!
So I placed a bear trap
in his path.
But he came up
from behind me.
I turned, but the trap
was not yet set.
It sprung. Baaa!
No more hand.
Later...
I replaced my hand
with the paw
of a bear.
For I am...
Frenchie Bearpaux.
I'm real sorry
about all that, Frenchie,
but that's got nothing
to do with me.
Mmm.
Close enough.
Well, Brisco,
we meet again.
Excuse me
if I don't stand up.
Good work, Frenchie.
This is going to be
a real sidesplitting
experience.
Start the saw blade!
Better luck
in the next world,
county.
[BRISCO GROANING]
Sorry I can't stay
and watch.
I hate the sight
of blood, even yours.
Come on, Frenchie.
Watch out
for splinters!
"The buzzing saw blade
was just a blur
"as it gnawed and
carved through the log,
moving ever so closer
to our hero."
This is pretty good,
isn't it?
Yeah. I think
I can go to sleep.
Now?
But--but Brisco's on a log.
He's about to be
carved in half.
Okay, maybe just
a little bit more.
Ahem. "Chapter 2--
when all is Zed and done."
"The terrible saw
ate up wood like butter,
"threatening
to make Brisco
half the man
he used to be."
Aah!
Oh.
Brisco?
Oh.
Get me out of these ropes.
Get these ropes off me!
Are you alright?Am I alright?
I almost--did you see that?
Do you know what
it's like to ge--
can you even imagine?
I'm going to have
nightmares about this
for the rest of my life.
Brisco.
Calm...
down.
Where can I find Bearpaux?
Well, I--Where does he live?
Follow me.
You know,
all I needed
was directions.
Well, I'm not good
at directions.
Besides, I don't trust you
to take too many chances.
I think I'm taking a
big one right now. [GUNSHOT]
Somebody's shooting.
At us?
Run for cover!
Yep.
Hyah!
[GUNFIRE]
What's going on?
Bandits. They want
the payroll.
Howdy, Boss.Do you need
any help, Bowler?
A gunfight
is no place
for a woman.
I meant Brisco.
Ha. Nah, they only
outnumber me 5 to 1.
Oh, he's just
showing off.
Reloading.
May I?
Okay, don't
hit anybody.
I want them all
for myself.
Yow!
Sorry. I think winged
one of them.
Every desperado
in the state
must know I'm carrying
this money.
I've been chased,
shot at, bushwhacked,
run up a tree,
pushed off a cliff.
But don't worry, boss.
I'm going to get
the payroll through.
Yeah, I can see
you're busy, Bowler.
Come on, Francis.
Just do me
one favor, County.
Keep Ned Zed
away from me.
That's what
I'm trying to do.
Honey, keep your
head down.
Bowler.
What?
Cover us?
Oh, sorry, Brisco.
Guess I was just
thinking of myself.
Is he gonna be
alright?Bowler? Oh, sure.
He'll be fine.
Don't worry about him.
I taught him everything
he knows.
We're getting closer now.
Turn down that path.
What is it, Comet?
What's the matter?
Huh.
Bear traps.
Francis, be careful.
There's--
Bear traps.
Brisco, there's
bear traps all over
the ground.
Francis, stay right
where you are.
Just keep in my tracks.
Good eye, Comet.
Alright,
nice and easy, now,
watching our step.
Comet is amazing, Brisco.
How does he manage
to avoid these traps?
Fear.
[SINGING ALOUETTE]
Frenchie.
Drop the brush
and step away
from the bear.
Jacques, run!
Uh!
Ha ha!
A bear hug.
Where is Zed,
Frenchie? Tell me.
I do not know.
He was here,
but now he's gone.
Where? Gone where?
Mon dieu!No!What are you doing?
I am removing your
bear paw, Bearpaux.
Alright, alright,
I will tell you!
He's gone to rob the bank,
but you are too late
to stop him.
Maybe not, Frenchie.
Maybe not.
And I'm taking this.
Ha ha ha ha.
Remember, you
can take the helmet off,
but you'll need me
to cut you outta that.Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What else do I need?
Stepladder and
a strong horse.
Hey! Who's got
my machinery gun?
Right here, Ned.
What is that, Ned?It's my machinery gun.
I had it made up special.
[CHUCKLING]
Wait till the boys
in the bank see me.
Ha ha ha ha!
You can't stop now.
I'm wide awake now.
Frankie,
it's almost midnight.
Don't you want to know
if Ned Zed gets away
with it?
And what about
Frenchie Bearpaux?
And you know there's gotta be
some more mushy stuff
with that lady.
"The bank was filled
with customers
and Pinkerton men
"anticipating the worst
that day,
and the worst was just
outside closing in."
"But the town folk
were oblivious
"to all but
their own excitement
"at the opening
of a new branch
of the Emerson
National Bank."
There you go, Madam--
the bank's
very first deposit,
all duly noted
and recorded,
and thank you
for banking
with Emerson National.
Oh, no. Brisco,
if you're here,
it can only mean
trouble.
Is everything okay?Of course. Why?
'Cause Ned Zed's
on his way here.
See what I mean?Let him come.
Between you and
those 2 Pinkertons,
I feel
perfectly safe.
This bank
will remain open
until the close of
the business day.
[CLANKING]
SOCRATES:
What in the world?
Looks like the business day
just ended.
Everybody, make like
statues and freeze!
Get down!
You're not listening!
Behind the counter.You, you, and you!
Pinkerton men,
drop your guns in fear
or I'll shoot you dead! Now!
Run! Go on, get!
Ladies and gentlemen!
Welcome to Ned Zed's
greatest bank robbery,
starring the notorious
Ned Zed,
the man in the iron suit
and featuring
the amazing machinery gun!
Stop it!
Is there a back door?
No, that would be
a breach of security.
You might wanna
reconsider that
in the future.
Where's the vault?
Follow me.
Oh, you can never find
a teller when you need one.
Whatever happened
to good old-fashioned
service, huh?
Haven't you heard
the expression--
We'll never make it.
He'll gun us down.
I've got an idea.
Get out from here,
Ned Conner, and
give me my money!
Hey, Ned. Over here.
Brisco County?
Not again.
Ha! Go.
Yeah, yeah, take that!
Ha ha--ooh.
Ha ha ha ha!
[CACKLING]
Why'd you do that?
Because you left it open.
Yeah, so I could
fire back.
Well, now we're safe.
No, now we're locked
in the safe.
Don't worry.
After that maniac leaves,
someone will
come back in here
and let us out.
Who knows
the combination?
I do.
No, no,
besides you,
I mean.
Well, I believe I gave
a copy to Socrates.
That's right.
You did.
I want that payroll!
Unh!
Where's the new bank?
You're looking at it.
Thanks.
Better not go in there.
There's a metal man inside.
Say what?
A metal man.
Uh!
Listen. I hear somebody
out there.
Bowler.
Lord Bowler.
Socrates, hand me
the combination.
Bowler,
if you can hear this,
turn the dial right to 38.
[CLICKING]
Now left to 5.
[CLICKING]
And back right to 23.
[CLICKING]
FRANCIS:
Push the door open.
Bowler is such
an idiot.
Bowler, try it again.
Right 38,
left 5,
right 23.
[CLICKING]
Try the door now.
Comet?
Brisco, this horse
is amazing.
He's not
that amazing.
Took him 2 tries.
Where are
you going?
I'm going to get Ned Zed.
Come on, Comet.
Which way did
Ned Zed go?
That away.
Thanks.
Ooh.
Come on!
Come on.
This suit's
too heavy, Ivan.
This horse
is no good.
I'm going to need
your horse.
Then what will I do?
I don't know.
Walk.
Can I ride double
with Dell?
That's up to Dell.
How about it, Dell?
Sorry, Ivan.
I'd just feel awkward
about doing that.
Stand down, Ivan.
Dell, you're good company
and a true friend,
but this horse
is all worn out,
so now I'll be needing
your horse.
Well, it's just
not right, Ned.
It's just not right.
Get off the horse.
I quit this gang.
Aw, good riddance, Dell.
I never liked you, anyway.
Ned Zed.
Hyah!
Ne--
Hyah.
Hyah! Hyah!
Hyah! Hyah!
Uh!
Ha ha!
We got him now, Comet.
Hyah, come on!
Uh.
Ooh.
Whoa.
Aah!
Whoa!
Aah! Uh!
Uh! Uh!
Well, Ned...
looks like
you're trapped.
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Now that you got Ned,
what you gonna
do with him?
Government soldiers are on their
way to take him into custody.
What about Francis?
You two were made
for each other.
Oh, you could
tell that, huh?
Oh, yeah.
This is a very fine
woman, Brisco.
You're a big fool
letting her get away.
She wants me to go
back east with her.
Do it.
I don't think so,
Bowler.
She's a heartbreaker.
She doesn't mean to be.
It's just her nature.
Well, turnabout's
fair play.
This time you get to
break her heart.
Well,
believe me,
I'm not looking
forward to it.
Fools!
I'm Ned Zed!
I can't be stopped!
They haven't built a prison
that could hold me!
Uh! Hey, you'll
all be sorry.
I'm gonna come back
and get every
one of you!
I got a bad temper
and a long memory!
You'll see. Ha ha!
Brisco,
a job well done.Thank you, Sir.
You'll be glad to know
I've an appointment
with a gunsmith
who invented
Ned's machinery gun.
We're going to
buy the patent.
You guys don't miss
a trick, do you?
Come on, Socrates.
Let's go draw up
that contract.
Miss McCabe, I understand
you own and operate
this beautiful lodge.
Please,
call me Francis.
I'm a tad hungry,
Francis.
I hear you make
a mean salmon.
Don't you have to
leave with your men?
I have my own horse.
Say no more, Lieutenant.
My kitchen is open.
You're very kind.
What are those medals for?
They each have
their own story.
Oh, do they really?
Ooh.
She is a heartbreaker.
Well, like you said
before, Bowler--
"what you can't cure,
you must endure."
[WHISTLES]
Good boy, Comet.
Going down
the mountain?It's the only way back.
Wait for me. It ain't safe
for a man to ride alone
in these parts.
Oh, I'm not worried.
I wasn't talking
about you.
You know something,
Bowler?
This trip has
taught me something.
What's that?The more I learn,
the less I know.
Yeah, I hear you,
and I understand
what you mean.
You do?
Yeah, at the rate
we learning things,
We won't know nothing
in no time.
"And as Brisco and Bowler
"rode off to their
next adventure,
"the little hamlet
of Lumberville
"was assured that
the scourge of Ned Zed
"had come to an end.
The end."
Do you think it really
happened like that?
Frankie,
believing in something
is all that's
really important.
It'll give you the road
to where you want to go
and what you want to be.
Like Brisco and Bowler.
Now who could that be
at this hour of the night?
Careful, Dad.
It's the wild west.
You never know.
Oh, I think we're
pretty safe in this hotel.
Can I help you?
You got the wrong room,
Genius.
Sorry to bother you.
Guess we're
down there, Bowler.
Brisco?
Bowler?