The Addams Family (1964–1966): Season 1, Episode 30 - Progress and the Addams Family - full transcript
The city is planning to put a freeway through the Addams' neighborhood. In fact, the Addams' house is slated for demolition. Gomez and Morticia must find a solution, or else the house will be destroyed. Arthur J. Henson, city commissioner, visits to underscore the point: the Addams must move out. Unwilling to leave their precious home, Gomez and Morticia arrive at an idea: have the house moved to another location. Gomez buys the vacant lot next to Arthur Henson's home, and he pays to have their house moved there.
♪ They're creepy
and they're kooky
♪ Mysterious and spooky
♪ They're altogether ooky
♪ The Addams family
♪ The house is a museum
♪ When people come to see 'em
♪ They really are a scream
♪ The Addams family MAN: Neat.
Sweet.
Petite.
♪ So get a witch's shawl on
♪ A broomstick you can crawl on
♪ We're gonna pay a call on
♪ The Addams family ♪
Oh, you tempestuous Latins.
I think you made
me drop a stitch.
I'm sure Cousin
Plato wouldn't mind.
What are you
fashioning for the lad?
A ski cap.
Do you think he'll like it?
How could he help it?
When you block it, remember
old Plato's left head is size six
and his right one is
eight and three quarters.
Yes, it does give
him a lovely tilt.
Uncle Fester, dear,
is something wrong?
Plenty.
What's the matter, old man?
Every time you
come back from town,
you're not your
usual sunny self.
That ex-insurance man of ours.
Commissioner Henson? Yeah.
Well, he's ruining our city.
He's putting fresh paint
on all the public buildings.
Whatever for?
To hide the soot.
Cover up... But the
soot's the only thing
that's giving those
buildings character.
And not only that, they're
putting in a new freeway.
A freeway?
Through our fair city?
You know, it's things like that
that make you stop and think.
I'll be up in my
closet, thinking.
Mail's in.
Thank you, Thing.
Oh! It's from the City Hall.
I wonder what they're
doing writing to us?
Well, this is the time they
select the man of the year.
I suppose I'll have
to resign myself
to another giddy
round of speechmaking
and chicken a la king.
Darling, I'm afraid
this isn't an invitation
to become the man of the year.
What is it?
It's a condemnation of our
property and eviction notice.
You're joshing.
It seems the new freeway is
coming right through our living room.
Won't that crowd us a bit?
Fear not, querida mia.
No city in its right mind would
want to ruin this fine old mansion.
This notice was
obviously sent in error.
I'm sure you're right, darling.
Reminds me, dear.
Better get that hole
in the ceiling fixed.
Come on now, Cleopatra,
darling, you must eat something.
Look, this nice lamb chop will
put the color back in your leaves.
Oh, darling, there's
no need to pout.
Just because Lurch put on a blue
patty instead of a nice pink one.
Gomez, darling, is that you?
No. I'm in here contemplating.
Darling, I hate to interrupt
your Zen-Yogi, but...
Don't talk, darling.
Just stand there and
let me look at you.
You were never lovelier.
And you're so handsome, darling.
With the blue blood of Spanish
aristocracy rushing to your cranium.
Ole!
Gomez, did you hear an
explosion a moment ago?
Oh, that.
Probably Uncle Fester
down in the basement
testing for gas leaks
with a lighted match.
Oh, I suppose you're right.
There goes another one.
My goodness, I do hope
he doesn't blow himself up.
I hope not. He's
wearing my best socks.
But que sera sera.
That reminds me, dear.
We got another
letter from the City.
And guess what?
What, querida, what?
Thing tore it up.
Ah, that Thing.
Always on his toes.
I think we'd better
call the gas company.
Gomez, I wish you'd
stop making that racket.
You got my new crocodile so
nervous he started chasing his tail
and he rolled right
out the window.
We didn't make
that noise, Fester.
We thought it was you.
Testing for gas leaks.
Oh. It must be Pugsley.
Can't be Pugsley. He and
Wednesday are out hunting toadstools.
This is very baffling.
That last explosion shook
the whole neighborhood.
Well, here's our next customer.
Oh, I feel guilty
getting paid for this one.
You're right, chief.
Getting rid of a monstrosity
like the old Addams house
comes under the
heading of sheer pleasure.
Well, that highway
commissioner of ours
might not be the
greatest brain in the world,
but deliberately routing
the freeway through here
is a stroke of genius.
You're not kidding, chief.
Next time he runs, I'm
gonna vote for him. Twice.
I'll match you to see
who pushes the plunger.
Thing! I saw him with
a gun this morning.
Thing.
Thing?
Thing?
Have you been shooting your gun?
Hold on. Let me see the gun.
I can tell if it's been
fired just by smelling it.
A-ha!
Just as I thought.
Are you sure, Fester?
Thing has never lied before.
Besides, all those loud noises
couldn't possibly be made
by such a small gun.
Oh, no? Well,
hold on to your hat.
I still think Thing...
This is getting irksome.
Just when I had the decor
arranged so perfectly, too.
Oh, I like it this way.
It's kind of lived in.
Uncle Fester, dear, there's such
a thing as too much informality.
Now we're getting closer.
Well, they said it couldn't
be done, but I did it.
Did what, Mama?
Invented artificial thunder.
Didn't you hear it?
You mean you
produced those blasts?
I always knew
that all I had to do
was rub these sticks
together hard enough.
Hey! Why don't we patent
it and form a corporation?
Capital idea, Fester!
Who'll buy thunder?
Oh, forget it.
Mama, would you grace us with
an on-the-spot demonstration?
Well, try and stop
me, but stand back.
We'll need six sticks of
dynamite for the entrance here.
Better make it eight sticks.
We wanna blow this
dump so high that you'll...
Sir, what is the
meaning of this intrusion?
Don't bother with
the small talk.
I'll shoot him in the back.
Would you mind
turning around, please?
Certainly not.
I'll thank you to stand still.
Uncle Fester, please.
Fester, this man may be a
trespasser and a saboteur,
but he is our guest.
Saboteur? What are
you talking about?
I'm just following orders.
Orders?
Do you suppose
he's an enemy agent?
If you expect mercy, young
man, you'd better come clean.
What country are
you working for?
I don't work for any
country. I work for the City.
Blowing people to bits?
It must be a civil service job.
Wait a minute.
What are you people doing here?
Didn't you get a
notice to vacate?
Notice?
You don't expect us to take
that absurd notice seriously?
That ridiculous missive was
an insult to one's intelligence.
I'll shoot him in the back.
Uncle Fester, please. We do not go
around shooting people in the back.
The side?
A fair fight or nothing.
Okay. Nothing.
You take this message
back to your superior.
Tell him if he wants to build a
freeway through our lovely home,
he'll have to blow us up first.
That is, he'll have
to make other plans.
You rang?
Show the gentleman out.
Well, that's that.
Querida.
And despite your
position as commissioner,
I hereby warn you that
any further trespass
by your hired vandals
will be resisted to the utmost.
Uh, Commissioner, if you
don't mind, I'll wait out here.
As you wish.
But I assure you, Arthur J. Henson
can handle a dozen Addamses.
Well, a half dozen.
PS, I always knew you were a
corrupt, hypocritical old windbag.
I do hope he doesn't take
that last part personally.
How could he?
His Honor, the Commissioner.
I'm sure he's come
to offer his apologies.
I guess the
hypocritical old windbag
isn't such a bad
fellow after all.
You can cancel
that letter, Thing.
Addams, what is
the meaning of this?
The City sent you a
check for this property.
Your apology is accepted.
My...
And here you are,
disregarding official notices,
obstructing a man in his duties,
actually threatening
a City employee.
Thing, you'd better
uncrumple that letter.
Sir, your attitude is hardly apt
to get our votes
at the next election.
Having trouble with
our saboteur again?
Say, you've gained weight.
Fester, this is a different man.
Aren't you Henson?
We're surrounded!
Uncle Fester, please,
put the gun away.
All right, go ahead. Coddle him.
See here, you can't fight this.
The City is well
within its rights.
I give you just 24
hours to vacate these
premises.
Thing, please.
Remember your breeding.
My dear, don't be
too hard on Thing.
After all, this is his home,
too. He was trying to defend it.
You mean to tell me
that, that... that thing
understood what I
was talking about?
You certainly made
it plain enough.
Well, enough of this nonsense.
Remember, 24 hours.
You cannot stop the
wheels of progress.
Thank you.
Well, if the City wants a fight,
they'll find me ready
with the old corpus delicti.
Good thing I kept my
old law library around.
Let's see here.
A-ha!
Property Rights From
Magna Carta to the Present.
What luck.
I'd completely forgotten that
I'd converted Property Rights
into a humidor.
I thought Lurch was
filching my cigars.
We're off to a fine start.
A victory before we've
even opened the case.
Darling, that reminds me.
Mmm.
Wear it. It'll be
very appropriate.
The wig of Lord Chief Justice
Sir Anthony Cliveden Addams.
No, Lady Abigail
Cliveden Addams.
Oh.
I see you're still sticking
pins in the Commissioner.
Well, we can't take
this thing lying down.
Attention, everyone.
Ah, darling, you've
found something?
I have gone through
the city ordinances,
the Bill of Rights and the 17
volumes of assorted jurisprudence,
and I have come to a conclusion.
What? We haven't
got a leg to stand on.
Not even if we bribe the judge?
Uncle Fester!
The jury? Out of the question.
Well, you can't win 'em all.
They're blasting tomorrow
whether we're in the house or not.
Oh, dear, and we're
such late sleepers.
Hey. Why don't we just move
this house to another spot?
Uncle Fester,
that's a brilliant idea!
Old man, you've done it again.
I have? I know just the spot.
That lot Hornsby
has up for sale.
That's right next door to
the Commissioner's house.
My dear, at a time like this
we can't afford to be choosy.
Oh, it's not that, but that
lot doesn't have any caves,
and then no quicksand, no swamp.
Fester, what's a swamp?
A bunch of mud,
slime and stench.
We'll build our own.
Thank you, Thing.
Hello, Hornsby? Addams here.
How much do you
want for that lot?
$9,750?
Why don't we make
it $10,000 even?
I hate to write checks
for odd amounts.
Good, then it's a deal.
Well, the property is ours.
I'll bet you could have
gotten him to take $11,000.
It pains me to do the
Commissioner such a good turn.
The prices in that area will probably
skyrocket as soon as word leaks out.
Now, darling, there's no
sense in bearing grudges.
Why don't we call the
Commissioner and Mrs. Henson
and tell them to come over
and hear the good news?
Capital idea! The
good neighbor policy.
Wait here.
Arthur, let's get
out of here. Shh.
Now, please, Phoebe, with victory
in sight, don't start rocking the boat.
I don't want to rock the
boat, I want to get off.
Look, they are moving.
With any luck,
to outer Mongolia.
I'd even pay their fare.
One way.
Oh, welcome.
Come on, dear.
Good evening, Commissioner
Henson. How are you?
Mrs. Henson, I presume?
Yes. This is Mrs. Addams.
How do you do? How do you do?
So nice of you to come.
Won't you step in, please?
And do be seated.
I was just telling Arthur.
Your home, it's so
you.
Oh, how sweet of you to notice.
Darling, do ring for Lurch.
Ah, yes!
Ah, thank you, Lurch.
Tea?
Salt, pepper, or cyanide?
Neither.
Thank you, darling.
Ah, but you've never
tasted Morticia's tea.
She picks the tiny, delicate
wolfbane leaves herself.
Addams, I must say, you're
taking this eviction like a good sport.
Well, nobody could say that an
Addams stood in the way of progress.
Although I must admit
Uncle Fester is a bit upset.
Yes, you see, there
are no caves or swamps
on our new property.
But we do have plans
for building our own.
That is, if our
neighbors don't object.
Any man who would object to
having a swamp right next to his home
is a petty individual indeed.
Glad to hear you say
that, Commissioner.
We love animals and
we're planning a mud wallow
for our hippopotamus.
Arthur and I just
adore animals, too.
Neighbor.
No, no. I mean, you're not
going to move in next to...
To us? Right smack.
Gomez, darling,
when are the men going
to start moving the house?
Soon as I finish battening down
these fine old
heirlooms, we're off.
My dear, you
should wear goggles.
This house gets awfully windy
when it hits the open road.
I think I'll like that.
Ah, seatbelts.
The only way to ride.
Where are the children, dear?
They're fine. They're
riding on the roof.
I do hope they
don't get carsick.
Is Lurch with them? Oh, no.
He likes to ride with
his head out the window
and growl at the passing cars.
Oh, boy. This is gonna be
fun, looking out the window.
Thing. Where's Thing?
Up in the mover's truck.
In the mover's truck?
In the glove compartment.
Dear, sensible Thing.
Hang on, everybody.
All right.
Mush!
Hey, this is more
fun than the trailer.
Oh, I love to see the sights.
I wonder what those
people are staring at.
Well, they probably never
saw a stately mansion
rounding the corner
on two wheels before.
They've stopped.
Probably picking
up some hitchhikers.
Well, fancy that.
The City Commissioner
hitchhiking.
Sit down, old man.
I'm sorry we have
no more seatbelts.
I didn't come for any ride.
Well, it might do you some good.
You look like you've been
run through a meat grinder.
Oh, worse. I mean,
I've been up all night with
the City Council and we've...
Well, that is, I've finally persuaded
them to reroute the new freeway.
You don't have
to move after all.
Oh, that's rather disappointing.
I was so looking forward to having
you and Mrs. Henson as neighbors.
Oh, Mrs. Henson is heartsick.
Into each life
some rain must fall.
Yes.
And about that lot
you're stuck with.
I'm willing to take
it off your hands.
Isn't he sweet?
Salt of the earth.
But we couldn't let you do it.
We'll find some use for it.
We could use it
for a launching pad.
Little Pugsley makes
the coolest rockets.
It'd be a wonderful place for
me to practice my bagpipes.
Dear Mama. She
spends half the night
tootling away on those things.
Too bad she doesn't
know how to play 'em.
I insist.
I'll see that you get
back your $10,000.
Nonsense.
$11,000!
Please, you're embarrassing us.
$12,000? But really...
$15,000. I beg you. $15,000.
Well, we'll have to
return the favor sometime.
Well, I'm not in the habit of
accepting charity, Mr. Commissioner,
but in your case I'll
make an exception.
It's yours for $15,000.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
You'll have my check
first thing in the morning.
Now I'll go and tell the
movers to turn around.
Well, that won't be necessary.
Just tell him to
throw it into reverse.
$5,000 profit. Not a
bad day's work, huh?
I think we can all learn a
valuable lesson from this.
You never lose by
being a good neighbor.
Oh, dear Thing. He's
such a homebody.
Strange that the City Council
should finally send the freeway
straight through
the mayor's house.
Was he upset?
No, he said he was happy.
Considering what
might have happened.
"Might have happened"?
Oh, he probably means the
moving of this classic structure
from its natural surroundings.
It's a pity.
He did seem so eager about
that swamp we were going to build.
Oh, well. C'est la vie.
That's French!
Good shot, darling!
Must be the mating season.
and they're kooky
♪ Mysterious and spooky
♪ They're altogether ooky
♪ The Addams family
♪ The house is a museum
♪ When people come to see 'em
♪ They really are a scream
♪ The Addams family MAN: Neat.
Sweet.
Petite.
♪ So get a witch's shawl on
♪ A broomstick you can crawl on
♪ We're gonna pay a call on
♪ The Addams family ♪
Oh, you tempestuous Latins.
I think you made
me drop a stitch.
I'm sure Cousin
Plato wouldn't mind.
What are you
fashioning for the lad?
A ski cap.
Do you think he'll like it?
How could he help it?
When you block it, remember
old Plato's left head is size six
and his right one is
eight and three quarters.
Yes, it does give
him a lovely tilt.
Uncle Fester, dear,
is something wrong?
Plenty.
What's the matter, old man?
Every time you
come back from town,
you're not your
usual sunny self.
That ex-insurance man of ours.
Commissioner Henson? Yeah.
Well, he's ruining our city.
He's putting fresh paint
on all the public buildings.
Whatever for?
To hide the soot.
Cover up... But the
soot's the only thing
that's giving those
buildings character.
And not only that, they're
putting in a new freeway.
A freeway?
Through our fair city?
You know, it's things like that
that make you stop and think.
I'll be up in my
closet, thinking.
Mail's in.
Thank you, Thing.
Oh! It's from the City Hall.
I wonder what they're
doing writing to us?
Well, this is the time they
select the man of the year.
I suppose I'll have
to resign myself
to another giddy
round of speechmaking
and chicken a la king.
Darling, I'm afraid
this isn't an invitation
to become the man of the year.
What is it?
It's a condemnation of our
property and eviction notice.
You're joshing.
It seems the new freeway is
coming right through our living room.
Won't that crowd us a bit?
Fear not, querida mia.
No city in its right mind would
want to ruin this fine old mansion.
This notice was
obviously sent in error.
I'm sure you're right, darling.
Reminds me, dear.
Better get that hole
in the ceiling fixed.
Come on now, Cleopatra,
darling, you must eat something.
Look, this nice lamb chop will
put the color back in your leaves.
Oh, darling, there's
no need to pout.
Just because Lurch put on a blue
patty instead of a nice pink one.
Gomez, darling, is that you?
No. I'm in here contemplating.
Darling, I hate to interrupt
your Zen-Yogi, but...
Don't talk, darling.
Just stand there and
let me look at you.
You were never lovelier.
And you're so handsome, darling.
With the blue blood of Spanish
aristocracy rushing to your cranium.
Ole!
Gomez, did you hear an
explosion a moment ago?
Oh, that.
Probably Uncle Fester
down in the basement
testing for gas leaks
with a lighted match.
Oh, I suppose you're right.
There goes another one.
My goodness, I do hope
he doesn't blow himself up.
I hope not. He's
wearing my best socks.
But que sera sera.
That reminds me, dear.
We got another
letter from the City.
And guess what?
What, querida, what?
Thing tore it up.
Ah, that Thing.
Always on his toes.
I think we'd better
call the gas company.
Gomez, I wish you'd
stop making that racket.
You got my new crocodile so
nervous he started chasing his tail
and he rolled right
out the window.
We didn't make
that noise, Fester.
We thought it was you.
Testing for gas leaks.
Oh. It must be Pugsley.
Can't be Pugsley. He and
Wednesday are out hunting toadstools.
This is very baffling.
That last explosion shook
the whole neighborhood.
Well, here's our next customer.
Oh, I feel guilty
getting paid for this one.
You're right, chief.
Getting rid of a monstrosity
like the old Addams house
comes under the
heading of sheer pleasure.
Well, that highway
commissioner of ours
might not be the
greatest brain in the world,
but deliberately routing
the freeway through here
is a stroke of genius.
You're not kidding, chief.
Next time he runs, I'm
gonna vote for him. Twice.
I'll match you to see
who pushes the plunger.
Thing! I saw him with
a gun this morning.
Thing.
Thing?
Thing?
Have you been shooting your gun?
Hold on. Let me see the gun.
I can tell if it's been
fired just by smelling it.
A-ha!
Just as I thought.
Are you sure, Fester?
Thing has never lied before.
Besides, all those loud noises
couldn't possibly be made
by such a small gun.
Oh, no? Well,
hold on to your hat.
I still think Thing...
This is getting irksome.
Just when I had the decor
arranged so perfectly, too.
Oh, I like it this way.
It's kind of lived in.
Uncle Fester, dear, there's such
a thing as too much informality.
Now we're getting closer.
Well, they said it couldn't
be done, but I did it.
Did what, Mama?
Invented artificial thunder.
Didn't you hear it?
You mean you
produced those blasts?
I always knew
that all I had to do
was rub these sticks
together hard enough.
Hey! Why don't we patent
it and form a corporation?
Capital idea, Fester!
Who'll buy thunder?
Oh, forget it.
Mama, would you grace us with
an on-the-spot demonstration?
Well, try and stop
me, but stand back.
We'll need six sticks of
dynamite for the entrance here.
Better make it eight sticks.
We wanna blow this
dump so high that you'll...
Sir, what is the
meaning of this intrusion?
Don't bother with
the small talk.
I'll shoot him in the back.
Would you mind
turning around, please?
Certainly not.
I'll thank you to stand still.
Uncle Fester, please.
Fester, this man may be a
trespasser and a saboteur,
but he is our guest.
Saboteur? What are
you talking about?
I'm just following orders.
Orders?
Do you suppose
he's an enemy agent?
If you expect mercy, young
man, you'd better come clean.
What country are
you working for?
I don't work for any
country. I work for the City.
Blowing people to bits?
It must be a civil service job.
Wait a minute.
What are you people doing here?
Didn't you get a
notice to vacate?
Notice?
You don't expect us to take
that absurd notice seriously?
That ridiculous missive was
an insult to one's intelligence.
I'll shoot him in the back.
Uncle Fester, please. We do not go
around shooting people in the back.
The side?
A fair fight or nothing.
Okay. Nothing.
You take this message
back to your superior.
Tell him if he wants to build a
freeway through our lovely home,
he'll have to blow us up first.
That is, he'll have
to make other plans.
You rang?
Show the gentleman out.
Well, that's that.
Querida.
And despite your
position as commissioner,
I hereby warn you that
any further trespass
by your hired vandals
will be resisted to the utmost.
Uh, Commissioner, if you
don't mind, I'll wait out here.
As you wish.
But I assure you, Arthur J. Henson
can handle a dozen Addamses.
Well, a half dozen.
PS, I always knew you were a
corrupt, hypocritical old windbag.
I do hope he doesn't take
that last part personally.
How could he?
His Honor, the Commissioner.
I'm sure he's come
to offer his apologies.
I guess the
hypocritical old windbag
isn't such a bad
fellow after all.
You can cancel
that letter, Thing.
Addams, what is
the meaning of this?
The City sent you a
check for this property.
Your apology is accepted.
My...
And here you are,
disregarding official notices,
obstructing a man in his duties,
actually threatening
a City employee.
Thing, you'd better
uncrumple that letter.
Sir, your attitude is hardly apt
to get our votes
at the next election.
Having trouble with
our saboteur again?
Say, you've gained weight.
Fester, this is a different man.
Aren't you Henson?
We're surrounded!
Uncle Fester, please,
put the gun away.
All right, go ahead. Coddle him.
See here, you can't fight this.
The City is well
within its rights.
I give you just 24
hours to vacate these
premises.
Thing, please.
Remember your breeding.
My dear, don't be
too hard on Thing.
After all, this is his home,
too. He was trying to defend it.
You mean to tell me
that, that... that thing
understood what I
was talking about?
You certainly made
it plain enough.
Well, enough of this nonsense.
Remember, 24 hours.
You cannot stop the
wheels of progress.
Thank you.
Well, if the City wants a fight,
they'll find me ready
with the old corpus delicti.
Good thing I kept my
old law library around.
Let's see here.
A-ha!
Property Rights From
Magna Carta to the Present.
What luck.
I'd completely forgotten that
I'd converted Property Rights
into a humidor.
I thought Lurch was
filching my cigars.
We're off to a fine start.
A victory before we've
even opened the case.
Darling, that reminds me.
Mmm.
Wear it. It'll be
very appropriate.
The wig of Lord Chief Justice
Sir Anthony Cliveden Addams.
No, Lady Abigail
Cliveden Addams.
Oh.
I see you're still sticking
pins in the Commissioner.
Well, we can't take
this thing lying down.
Attention, everyone.
Ah, darling, you've
found something?
I have gone through
the city ordinances,
the Bill of Rights and the 17
volumes of assorted jurisprudence,
and I have come to a conclusion.
What? We haven't
got a leg to stand on.
Not even if we bribe the judge?
Uncle Fester!
The jury? Out of the question.
Well, you can't win 'em all.
They're blasting tomorrow
whether we're in the house or not.
Oh, dear, and we're
such late sleepers.
Hey. Why don't we just move
this house to another spot?
Uncle Fester,
that's a brilliant idea!
Old man, you've done it again.
I have? I know just the spot.
That lot Hornsby
has up for sale.
That's right next door to
the Commissioner's house.
My dear, at a time like this
we can't afford to be choosy.
Oh, it's not that, but that
lot doesn't have any caves,
and then no quicksand, no swamp.
Fester, what's a swamp?
A bunch of mud,
slime and stench.
We'll build our own.
Thank you, Thing.
Hello, Hornsby? Addams here.
How much do you
want for that lot?
$9,750?
Why don't we make
it $10,000 even?
I hate to write checks
for odd amounts.
Good, then it's a deal.
Well, the property is ours.
I'll bet you could have
gotten him to take $11,000.
It pains me to do the
Commissioner such a good turn.
The prices in that area will probably
skyrocket as soon as word leaks out.
Now, darling, there's no
sense in bearing grudges.
Why don't we call the
Commissioner and Mrs. Henson
and tell them to come over
and hear the good news?
Capital idea! The
good neighbor policy.
Wait here.
Arthur, let's get
out of here. Shh.
Now, please, Phoebe, with victory
in sight, don't start rocking the boat.
I don't want to rock the
boat, I want to get off.
Look, they are moving.
With any luck,
to outer Mongolia.
I'd even pay their fare.
One way.
Oh, welcome.
Come on, dear.
Good evening, Commissioner
Henson. How are you?
Mrs. Henson, I presume?
Yes. This is Mrs. Addams.
How do you do? How do you do?
So nice of you to come.
Won't you step in, please?
And do be seated.
I was just telling Arthur.
Your home, it's so
you.
Oh, how sweet of you to notice.
Darling, do ring for Lurch.
Ah, yes!
Ah, thank you, Lurch.
Tea?
Salt, pepper, or cyanide?
Neither.
Thank you, darling.
Ah, but you've never
tasted Morticia's tea.
She picks the tiny, delicate
wolfbane leaves herself.
Addams, I must say, you're
taking this eviction like a good sport.
Well, nobody could say that an
Addams stood in the way of progress.
Although I must admit
Uncle Fester is a bit upset.
Yes, you see, there
are no caves or swamps
on our new property.
But we do have plans
for building our own.
That is, if our
neighbors don't object.
Any man who would object to
having a swamp right next to his home
is a petty individual indeed.
Glad to hear you say
that, Commissioner.
We love animals and
we're planning a mud wallow
for our hippopotamus.
Arthur and I just
adore animals, too.
Neighbor.
No, no. I mean, you're not
going to move in next to...
To us? Right smack.
Gomez, darling,
when are the men going
to start moving the house?
Soon as I finish battening down
these fine old
heirlooms, we're off.
My dear, you
should wear goggles.
This house gets awfully windy
when it hits the open road.
I think I'll like that.
Ah, seatbelts.
The only way to ride.
Where are the children, dear?
They're fine. They're
riding on the roof.
I do hope they
don't get carsick.
Is Lurch with them? Oh, no.
He likes to ride with
his head out the window
and growl at the passing cars.
Oh, boy. This is gonna be
fun, looking out the window.
Thing. Where's Thing?
Up in the mover's truck.
In the mover's truck?
In the glove compartment.
Dear, sensible Thing.
Hang on, everybody.
All right.
Mush!
Hey, this is more
fun than the trailer.
Oh, I love to see the sights.
I wonder what those
people are staring at.
Well, they probably never
saw a stately mansion
rounding the corner
on two wheels before.
They've stopped.
Probably picking
up some hitchhikers.
Well, fancy that.
The City Commissioner
hitchhiking.
Sit down, old man.
I'm sorry we have
no more seatbelts.
I didn't come for any ride.
Well, it might do you some good.
You look like you've been
run through a meat grinder.
Oh, worse. I mean,
I've been up all night with
the City Council and we've...
Well, that is, I've finally persuaded
them to reroute the new freeway.
You don't have
to move after all.
Oh, that's rather disappointing.
I was so looking forward to having
you and Mrs. Henson as neighbors.
Oh, Mrs. Henson is heartsick.
Into each life
some rain must fall.
Yes.
And about that lot
you're stuck with.
I'm willing to take
it off your hands.
Isn't he sweet?
Salt of the earth.
But we couldn't let you do it.
We'll find some use for it.
We could use it
for a launching pad.
Little Pugsley makes
the coolest rockets.
It'd be a wonderful place for
me to practice my bagpipes.
Dear Mama. She
spends half the night
tootling away on those things.
Too bad she doesn't
know how to play 'em.
I insist.
I'll see that you get
back your $10,000.
Nonsense.
$11,000!
Please, you're embarrassing us.
$12,000? But really...
$15,000. I beg you. $15,000.
Well, we'll have to
return the favor sometime.
Well, I'm not in the habit of
accepting charity, Mr. Commissioner,
but in your case I'll
make an exception.
It's yours for $15,000.
Oh, thank you. Thank you.
You'll have my check
first thing in the morning.
Now I'll go and tell the
movers to turn around.
Well, that won't be necessary.
Just tell him to
throw it into reverse.
$5,000 profit. Not a
bad day's work, huh?
I think we can all learn a
valuable lesson from this.
You never lose by
being a good neighbor.
Oh, dear Thing. He's
such a homebody.
Strange that the City Council
should finally send the freeway
straight through
the mayor's house.
Was he upset?
No, he said he was happy.
Considering what
might have happened.
"Might have happened"?
Oh, he probably means the
moving of this classic structure
from its natural surroundings.
It's a pity.
He did seem so eager about
that swamp we were going to build.
Oh, well. C'est la vie.
That's French!
Good shot, darling!
Must be the mating season.