The Addams Family (1964–1966): Season 1, Episode 28 - My Son, the Chimp - full transcript
Uncle Fester thinks his conjuring mishap has turned Pugsley into a chimpanzee. Now the family awaits him to turn Pugsley back into a boy, unaware that Fester's explosion merely knocked Pugsley into a secret room, where he's trapped, and that the chimp is just a chimp (escaped from an organ grinder) whom Pugsley befriended outside anyone's notice and dressed in a duplicate set of his clothes.
♪ They're creepy
and they're kooky
♪ Mysterious and spooky
♪ They're altogether ooky
♪ The Addams family
♪ The house is a museum
♪ When people come to see 'em
♪ They really are a scream
♪ The Addams family
Neat.
Sweet.
Petite.
♪ So get a witch's shawl on
♪ A broomstick you can crawl on
♪ We're gonna pay a call on
♪ The Addams family ♪
Gomez, darling,
I finally got it.
That wonderful
glint in your eye.
Bravo, Morticia.
Bravo, Gomez.
That was a lovely cast, dear.
It's all in the snap
of the wrist, my dear.
By george, I believe
I really did snap it.
Pick a card, Father. Any card.
Later, Son. I believe
I've got a nibble.
Yes, I'd say so.
Mother, you pick a card.
Play it, dear, the way you
play the strings of my heart.
Tish, when you croon
soft and low like that...
Darling, I'm crooning
about the fish.
Oh, that.
Mother, you didn't
even look at it.
Oh, I'm sorry, dear. It
was the ace of diamonds.
I'm supposed to
tell you that. Oh?
Go play with
Wednesday, sweetheart.
Pick a card.
Oh, you and your
silly old card tricks.
They're all ace of diamonds.
See?
Checkmate, Thing.
Aw, heck.
Thing. Psst. Thing.
Pick a card, Thing. Any card.
Everybody tries
to get in on the act.
Lurch, the net.
Steady... Now!
I wondered what
happened to that.
Strangest fish I ever saw.
Darling, it's Mama's dress shoe.
Ah. So it is.
Well, still, it's the biggest
thing I ever caught.
Two pounds if it's an ounce.
An indoor record.
Hi. Where'd you come from?
I used to have a
friend like you. Gorgo.
Did he send you? Yes, he did.
Do you like card tricks?
I got two of the same
kind for my birthday.
Like it, huh?
Okay, it's yours.
I'd sure like to try this
card trick on someone.
Uncle Fester!
I'll be right back.
"Next, pinch of
gizzard from a wizard.
"Powdered bat's
wings boiled in oil."
Pick a card, Uncle
Fester. Any card.
How many times have I told you?
Not while I'm conjuring.
Gee, I'm sorry.
Who are you going to conjure?
Oh, I don't know, it was
a surprise package deal
I got from my
Spell-of-the-Month Club.
Look, if you don't mind,
I'd like to get on with my
conjuring, if you please?
"Tooth of unicorn.
"Twelve newt's eyes.
"Season to taste, and
here's the surprise."
You all right, Pugsley?
I must have used
stale newt's eyes.
Where are you, Pugsley?
Say, uh, have you...
Pugsley?
Oh, boy, talk about a surprise.
Wait till I spread
the word about this.
Morticia, Gomez!
Oh, boy! Super Ape.
The Space Detective.
The Green Avenger.
Mr. and Mrs. Addams, may
I present your son, Pugsley.
Pugsley?
That?
D-R-U-N-K.
I tell you, it's true.
It happened I was running
though a little black magic
and one minute standing
there was a fat little boy,
and then, poof! That.
Uncle Fester,
I think you've been working
too hard on your magic tricks.
Morticia, Fester may be right.
These are Pugsley's cards.
This is Pugsley's shirt.
Oh, I absolutely refuse
to believe that that...
Gomez, look.
He has that same lovely
low brow as you-know-who.
Yeah, and that same
fine prehistoric jaw line.
Oh, it is Pugsley. I'd
know that voice anywhere.
Oh, Pugsley, my boy, what
has Uncle Fester done to you?
No, don't get worried, Morticia.
I'll change him back
if... if you want me to.
If we want you to.
If we want him to.
We do want him to, don't we?
Absolutely.
Pugsley promised me
he'd water the crab grass,
and he's not getting
out of it so easily.
Don't look so downcast, old man.
It was an excellent
job of conjuring.
He's a fine-looking chimp.
It was a nice spell, wasn't it?
A regular tour de force.
Tish...
That French ripples
from your lips.
It inflames me.
Darling, please, not
in front of our son.
Oh.
Sorry, I... I got carried away.
Well, I'll go back
to my fishing.
Darling.
Cara mia.
Mama, guess what?
No time for riddles. I'm cooking
gopher goulash for dinner,
and I'll tell you, it's more
trouble than it's worth.
I can't find half
the things I need.
Mama, look.
Hmm.
Might be just the
touch it needs.
No! No! Mama!
That's Pugsley.
Pugsley?
I thought there
was a resemblance.
I cast a spell on him.
Beginner's luck, if you ask me.
There'll be no living with
him from now on, I suppose.
Now, please don't dawdle
in changing Pugsley back.
He has homework to do, too.
You might as well
save your breath.
You heard your mother.
You've got work to do.
Now let's see.
Ah, puree of aardvark.
Cara mia.
No condemned prisoner
ever ate a heartier meal.
Darling Gomez.
You'd better set another
place for Pugsley.
Uncle Fester, I
distinctly told you
that I wanted
Pugsley changed back.
I know, I tried, I tried, but...
Set another place.
Uncle Fester, whatever happened
to that wonderful combination
of magically proven ingredients?
Well, the powdered
rhinoceros horn I'm using
may have turned a little rancid.
Excuses, excuses.
Like I said before,
beginner's luck.
Now, you're not
being very kind, Mama.
Uncle Fester will
change Pugsley back
right after lunch,
won't you, old boy?
You're darn right I will.
In fact, I'll do it right now.
No, no, Uncle Fester, I won't have
you conjuring on an empty stomach.
After lunch.
Lurch, please give
Pugsley his lunch.
A coconut.
Oh, come on, Pugsley.
Now from here on in, all I
want is complete silence.
It won't take long to change
Pugsley back, will it, Uncle Fester?
Three shakes of a yak's tail.
"Viper's head.
"Tail of donkey.
"Pugsley's changed
from boy to monkey.
"Down and up,
through field and fen.
"Change, oh, change
him back again."
Pugsley! My boy.
Pugsley.
Pugsley, speak to your mother.
Allow me, querida.
Yes, dear.
Pugsley?
No, it can't be.
Pugsley has more hair.
Then where...
There you are.
You naughty little boy.
Teasing your Uncle
Fester like that.
Now, you may as well know.
I have been in
touch with the spirits.
Oh, well, a little drink now
and then never hurt anyone.
The spirits of the astral
plane, I'm talking about.
Oh, one of those
champagne flights, eh, Fester?
Very funny.
All I can say is when
this seance is over,
a little boy will have been restored
to a mother's yearning bosom.
A little boy monkey, you mean.
I'm getting certain hostile
vibrations which I will try to ignore.
Now, if you will all
please join hands.
Now, I'm gonna ask
everyone to concentrate.
Concentrate.
Con... Gomez, do
you mind concentrating
on something
else just this once?
Oh, sorry, Fester,
force of habit.
Now concentrate.
Concentrate.
Oh, spirits of the astral plane,
give us a sign.
Is Pugsley there?
Rap once for yes
and twice for no.
And ask him if he's all right.
Your mother wants to
know if you're all right.
Rap three times for yes
and four times for no.
No, you better make that twice
for yes and three times for no.
Now, now, relax, everybody.
Great going, Fester.
You're zeroing in on Pugsley.
Oh, my little boy, out there
whistling in the dark somewhere.
Now everybody quiet down.
Is that you, Pugsley?
Whistle once and
rap twice for yes.
Rap once and whistle
three times for no.
Five raps? What does that mean?
That means it's
definitely Pugsley.
He never could count.
Oh, my little boy, rapping
away in the dark somewhere.
Well, now... now, take
it easy, Pugsley, old boy.
Are you all right?
Rap once and
whistle twice for yes.
And rap twice and
whistle three times for no.
Help!
It's him.
No doubt. No one else
puts so much into a screech.
Keep screeching, darling.
Uncle Fester's trying to
pierce that nasty old astral veil.
A-OK, Pugsley, old boy.
We're reading
you loud and clear.
Now listen, pal.
We want you to materialize
back onto our astral plane.
Understand?
What kind of plane?
Stand clear, Thing.
A message from Pugsley. Airmail.
But why didn't he come himself?
He can't make it.
Nonsense, my dear,
it's nothing more...
Great Scott! This is serious.
I knew it. Tell me.
No, don't tell me.
Oh, yes, do tell me.
I must know the worst.
The Green Avenger's
being threatened
by the Manusian Zarock's
deadly zeta beam radiation.
The only form of energy that
can penetrate his plastic screen.
Dear, I think he's trying
to tell us something.
What is it, Thing?
Something we should know?
Is it smaller than a coffin?
Larger than a tsetse fly?
Is it the title of a song?
Oh, this is fun.
I mean it would be
if Pugsley were here.
Is it someone we know?
How many syllables?
Two syllables. Aha.
Whom do we know
with two syllables?
First syllable.
Sounds like...
Fight?
Fighting?
Fighter?
Pugilist.
Pug!
Pug, Pug...
Uh, just doesn't
seem to ring a bell.
This is a difficult
one, isn't it?
Well, I'm trying to bring back
Pugsley and you're playing games.
That's it, Pugsley!
By george,
Morticia, you're right.
Pugsley, my boy, oh, my darling.
Am I glad to see you.
Looks like we've got twins.
Oh, let there be
dancing in the street.
Our son has been restored to us.
Thanks to our Uncle...
Uncle Fester?
Uh-oh.
Help! Help!
Uncle Fester, we can
hear you, but faintly.
Can you hear us?
Scream once for
yes and twice for no.
Better make that one
scream and two raps for no,
and two screams and
one whistle for yes.
Oh, forget it.
By george, I was right.
My Great-Aunt Deliria was
engaged to a chimpanzee.
Here they are.
Lovely couple.
Too bad he jilted her.
Too bad our little chimp
had to go back to its owner.
It was nice, having him
climb all over the place.
Uncle Fester hasn't
stopped eating
since he clawed his way
out of that secret room.
Well, three days without food
does tend to sharpen one's appetite.
I wonder if there are any other
rooms we've forgotten about.
It's lovely. What is it?
Wednesday claims
she has a new boyfriend.
The Invisible Man's
son, Woodrow.
The little minx.
They grow up before you know it.
Not only that, she
made me promise
to knit a pair of
gloves for him,
for his birthday.
Marvelous.
I'm sorry you can't stay for
dinner, Woodrow. Maybe next time.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I wasn't looking
where I was going.
Yes.
Well, goodbye, Woodrow.
Goodbye, Wednesday.
See you tomorrow.
I'd better get busy
on these gloves.
and they're kooky
♪ Mysterious and spooky
♪ They're altogether ooky
♪ The Addams family
♪ The house is a museum
♪ When people come to see 'em
♪ They really are a scream
♪ The Addams family
Neat.
Sweet.
Petite.
♪ So get a witch's shawl on
♪ A broomstick you can crawl on
♪ We're gonna pay a call on
♪ The Addams family ♪
Gomez, darling,
I finally got it.
That wonderful
glint in your eye.
Bravo, Morticia.
Bravo, Gomez.
That was a lovely cast, dear.
It's all in the snap
of the wrist, my dear.
By george, I believe
I really did snap it.
Pick a card, Father. Any card.
Later, Son. I believe
I've got a nibble.
Yes, I'd say so.
Mother, you pick a card.
Play it, dear, the way you
play the strings of my heart.
Tish, when you croon
soft and low like that...
Darling, I'm crooning
about the fish.
Oh, that.
Mother, you didn't
even look at it.
Oh, I'm sorry, dear. It
was the ace of diamonds.
I'm supposed to
tell you that. Oh?
Go play with
Wednesday, sweetheart.
Pick a card.
Oh, you and your
silly old card tricks.
They're all ace of diamonds.
See?
Checkmate, Thing.
Aw, heck.
Thing. Psst. Thing.
Pick a card, Thing. Any card.
Everybody tries
to get in on the act.
Lurch, the net.
Steady... Now!
I wondered what
happened to that.
Strangest fish I ever saw.
Darling, it's Mama's dress shoe.
Ah. So it is.
Well, still, it's the biggest
thing I ever caught.
Two pounds if it's an ounce.
An indoor record.
Hi. Where'd you come from?
I used to have a
friend like you. Gorgo.
Did he send you? Yes, he did.
Do you like card tricks?
I got two of the same
kind for my birthday.
Like it, huh?
Okay, it's yours.
I'd sure like to try this
card trick on someone.
Uncle Fester!
I'll be right back.
"Next, pinch of
gizzard from a wizard.
"Powdered bat's
wings boiled in oil."
Pick a card, Uncle
Fester. Any card.
How many times have I told you?
Not while I'm conjuring.
Gee, I'm sorry.
Who are you going to conjure?
Oh, I don't know, it was
a surprise package deal
I got from my
Spell-of-the-Month Club.
Look, if you don't mind,
I'd like to get on with my
conjuring, if you please?
"Tooth of unicorn.
"Twelve newt's eyes.
"Season to taste, and
here's the surprise."
You all right, Pugsley?
I must have used
stale newt's eyes.
Where are you, Pugsley?
Say, uh, have you...
Pugsley?
Oh, boy, talk about a surprise.
Wait till I spread
the word about this.
Morticia, Gomez!
Oh, boy! Super Ape.
The Space Detective.
The Green Avenger.
Mr. and Mrs. Addams, may
I present your son, Pugsley.
Pugsley?
That?
D-R-U-N-K.
I tell you, it's true.
It happened I was running
though a little black magic
and one minute standing
there was a fat little boy,
and then, poof! That.
Uncle Fester,
I think you've been working
too hard on your magic tricks.
Morticia, Fester may be right.
These are Pugsley's cards.
This is Pugsley's shirt.
Oh, I absolutely refuse
to believe that that...
Gomez, look.
He has that same lovely
low brow as you-know-who.
Yeah, and that same
fine prehistoric jaw line.
Oh, it is Pugsley. I'd
know that voice anywhere.
Oh, Pugsley, my boy, what
has Uncle Fester done to you?
No, don't get worried, Morticia.
I'll change him back
if... if you want me to.
If we want you to.
If we want him to.
We do want him to, don't we?
Absolutely.
Pugsley promised me
he'd water the crab grass,
and he's not getting
out of it so easily.
Don't look so downcast, old man.
It was an excellent
job of conjuring.
He's a fine-looking chimp.
It was a nice spell, wasn't it?
A regular tour de force.
Tish...
That French ripples
from your lips.
It inflames me.
Darling, please, not
in front of our son.
Oh.
Sorry, I... I got carried away.
Well, I'll go back
to my fishing.
Darling.
Cara mia.
Mama, guess what?
No time for riddles. I'm cooking
gopher goulash for dinner,
and I'll tell you, it's more
trouble than it's worth.
I can't find half
the things I need.
Mama, look.
Hmm.
Might be just the
touch it needs.
No! No! Mama!
That's Pugsley.
Pugsley?
I thought there
was a resemblance.
I cast a spell on him.
Beginner's luck, if you ask me.
There'll be no living with
him from now on, I suppose.
Now, please don't dawdle
in changing Pugsley back.
He has homework to do, too.
You might as well
save your breath.
You heard your mother.
You've got work to do.
Now let's see.
Ah, puree of aardvark.
Cara mia.
No condemned prisoner
ever ate a heartier meal.
Darling Gomez.
You'd better set another
place for Pugsley.
Uncle Fester, I
distinctly told you
that I wanted
Pugsley changed back.
I know, I tried, I tried, but...
Set another place.
Uncle Fester, whatever happened
to that wonderful combination
of magically proven ingredients?
Well, the powdered
rhinoceros horn I'm using
may have turned a little rancid.
Excuses, excuses.
Like I said before,
beginner's luck.
Now, you're not
being very kind, Mama.
Uncle Fester will
change Pugsley back
right after lunch,
won't you, old boy?
You're darn right I will.
In fact, I'll do it right now.
No, no, Uncle Fester, I won't have
you conjuring on an empty stomach.
After lunch.
Lurch, please give
Pugsley his lunch.
A coconut.
Oh, come on, Pugsley.
Now from here on in, all I
want is complete silence.
It won't take long to change
Pugsley back, will it, Uncle Fester?
Three shakes of a yak's tail.
"Viper's head.
"Tail of donkey.
"Pugsley's changed
from boy to monkey.
"Down and up,
through field and fen.
"Change, oh, change
him back again."
Pugsley! My boy.
Pugsley.
Pugsley, speak to your mother.
Allow me, querida.
Yes, dear.
Pugsley?
No, it can't be.
Pugsley has more hair.
Then where...
There you are.
You naughty little boy.
Teasing your Uncle
Fester like that.
Now, you may as well know.
I have been in
touch with the spirits.
Oh, well, a little drink now
and then never hurt anyone.
The spirits of the astral
plane, I'm talking about.
Oh, one of those
champagne flights, eh, Fester?
Very funny.
All I can say is when
this seance is over,
a little boy will have been restored
to a mother's yearning bosom.
A little boy monkey, you mean.
I'm getting certain hostile
vibrations which I will try to ignore.
Now, if you will all
please join hands.
Now, I'm gonna ask
everyone to concentrate.
Concentrate.
Con... Gomez, do
you mind concentrating
on something
else just this once?
Oh, sorry, Fester,
force of habit.
Now concentrate.
Concentrate.
Oh, spirits of the astral plane,
give us a sign.
Is Pugsley there?
Rap once for yes
and twice for no.
And ask him if he's all right.
Your mother wants to
know if you're all right.
Rap three times for yes
and four times for no.
No, you better make that twice
for yes and three times for no.
Now, now, relax, everybody.
Great going, Fester.
You're zeroing in on Pugsley.
Oh, my little boy, out there
whistling in the dark somewhere.
Now everybody quiet down.
Is that you, Pugsley?
Whistle once and
rap twice for yes.
Rap once and whistle
three times for no.
Five raps? What does that mean?
That means it's
definitely Pugsley.
He never could count.
Oh, my little boy, rapping
away in the dark somewhere.
Well, now... now, take
it easy, Pugsley, old boy.
Are you all right?
Rap once and
whistle twice for yes.
And rap twice and
whistle three times for no.
Help!
It's him.
No doubt. No one else
puts so much into a screech.
Keep screeching, darling.
Uncle Fester's trying to
pierce that nasty old astral veil.
A-OK, Pugsley, old boy.
We're reading
you loud and clear.
Now listen, pal.
We want you to materialize
back onto our astral plane.
Understand?
What kind of plane?
Stand clear, Thing.
A message from Pugsley. Airmail.
But why didn't he come himself?
He can't make it.
Nonsense, my dear,
it's nothing more...
Great Scott! This is serious.
I knew it. Tell me.
No, don't tell me.
Oh, yes, do tell me.
I must know the worst.
The Green Avenger's
being threatened
by the Manusian Zarock's
deadly zeta beam radiation.
The only form of energy that
can penetrate his plastic screen.
Dear, I think he's trying
to tell us something.
What is it, Thing?
Something we should know?
Is it smaller than a coffin?
Larger than a tsetse fly?
Is it the title of a song?
Oh, this is fun.
I mean it would be
if Pugsley were here.
Is it someone we know?
How many syllables?
Two syllables. Aha.
Whom do we know
with two syllables?
First syllable.
Sounds like...
Fight?
Fighting?
Fighter?
Pugilist.
Pug!
Pug, Pug...
Uh, just doesn't
seem to ring a bell.
This is a difficult
one, isn't it?
Well, I'm trying to bring back
Pugsley and you're playing games.
That's it, Pugsley!
By george,
Morticia, you're right.
Pugsley, my boy, oh, my darling.
Am I glad to see you.
Looks like we've got twins.
Oh, let there be
dancing in the street.
Our son has been restored to us.
Thanks to our Uncle...
Uncle Fester?
Uh-oh.
Help! Help!
Uncle Fester, we can
hear you, but faintly.
Can you hear us?
Scream once for
yes and twice for no.
Better make that one
scream and two raps for no,
and two screams and
one whistle for yes.
Oh, forget it.
By george, I was right.
My Great-Aunt Deliria was
engaged to a chimpanzee.
Here they are.
Lovely couple.
Too bad he jilted her.
Too bad our little chimp
had to go back to its owner.
It was nice, having him
climb all over the place.
Uncle Fester hasn't
stopped eating
since he clawed his way
out of that secret room.
Well, three days without food
does tend to sharpen one's appetite.
I wonder if there are any other
rooms we've forgotten about.
It's lovely. What is it?
Wednesday claims
she has a new boyfriend.
The Invisible Man's
son, Woodrow.
The little minx.
They grow up before you know it.
Not only that, she
made me promise
to knit a pair of
gloves for him,
for his birthday.
Marvelous.
I'm sorry you can't stay for
dinner, Woodrow. Maybe next time.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I wasn't looking
where I was going.
Yes.
Well, goodbye, Woodrow.
Goodbye, Wednesday.
See you tomorrow.
I'd better get busy
on these gloves.