The 10th Kingdom (2000): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript

"DEAR ALL...

"YOU MUST BE WONDERING

"WHERE I HAVE BEEN
THESE LAST FEW DAYS.

"I'VE BEEN LAID LOW
WITH A SPRAINED ANKLE

"AND I'M STAYING
IN THE ROYAL HUNTING LODGE

"IN THE DISENCHANTED FOREST.

"DO CARRY ON
WITH THE CORONATION PLANS

"AND REST ASSURED I WILL BE BACK
IN PLENTY OF TIME

"FOR THE BIG DAY.

LOTS OF LOVE, PRINCE WENDELL."

THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT.



WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT.

IT EXPLAINS NOTHING.

WHY HAS THE PRINCE
MADE NO REFERENCE

TO THE TROLL KING CRISIS?

WELL, PERHAPS HE HASN'T
HEARD ABOUT IT.

A TWISTED ANKLE
CAN BE EXCRUCIATING.

THE TROLL KING
HAS CHALLENGED WENDELL

TO FACE HIM IN COMBAT.

MEANWHILE, HE'S BEEN KILLING
FOURTH KINGDOM CITIZENS

AND NOTHING'S
BEING DONE ABOUT IT.

WE NEED A PLAN.

WE HAVE A PLAN.

MY SEATING PLAN.

THE CEREMONY



IS BARELY THREE WEEKS AWAY.

I NEED THE PRINCE
FOR A FITTING

AND I NEED PEOPLE
TO AT LEAST COMMIT

TO A BASIC COLOR SCHEME.

I'M WORRIED ABOUT WENDELL.

I SHALL GO TO THE HUNTING LODGE

BY THE FASTEST STEED
IN THE KINGDOM

AND TELL HIM
OF THE TROLL KING'S CHALLENGE.

JOLLY GOOD IDEA.

ONE FURTHER THING...

THE QUEEN IS STILL AT LARGE.

SHE HAS SPIES EVERYWHERE.

NOTHING THAT IS SAID HERE
MUST GO BEYOND THIS ROOM.

AGREED?

AGREED.

WE MUST CONSIDER
MILITARY OPTIONS

OTHERWISE, WE
WILL BE PERCEIVED

AS BEING SPINELESS
IN WENDELL'S ABSENCE.

WOULD IT HELP TO...

SUMMON MY HUNTSMAN.

OH, WE HAVE PROBLEMS.

WENDELL'S COUNCIL
DOESN'T BELIEVE MY LETTER.

THEY HAVE SENT A MAN
TO WENDELL'S HUNTING LODGE.

HE MUST NOT RETURN.

IT WILL BE DONE.

IF YOU WERE KIDNAPPED

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL RIGHT

BUT VIRGINIA?

OH, HAVE I LOST
MY ONE TRUE LOVE?

OH, STOP IT WITH
THE ONE TRUE LOVE.

YOU'RE SOME GRUBBY EX-CON.

YOU'VE BEEN NOTHING
BUT TROUBLE SINCE WE MET.

DON'T TALK TO ME
LIKE THAT!

I'LL BITE YOU
IN A MINUTE!

DO YOU WANT
TO DANCE WITH ME?

BECAUSE I'VE HAD...

SHH, SHH, SHH. LISTEN.

( whooshing )

( whooshing )

HALT.

WHO APPROACHES?

FORGIVE US, NOBLE WOODSMAN

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN A GORGEOUS
GIRL WITH VERY LONG HAIR?

I HAVEN'T
SEEN ANYTHING.

I'M BLIND.

( whooshing )

A BLIND WOODSMAN?

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A TREE MOVE?

TONY.
WHAT?

LOOK AT HIS AXE.

IS THAT AXE,
BY ANY REMOTE CHANCE

THE MAGIC AXE
THAT CUTS THROUGH ANYTHING?

COULD BE.

OH. HOW MUCH DO
YOU WANT FOR IT?

YEAH, HOW MUCH?

OH, YOU CAN HAVE MY MAGIC AXE

IF YOU CAN GUESS MY NAME

BUT YOUR FRIEND
MUST KNEEL

BY THIS BLOCK AND IF YOU HAVEN'T
FOUND MY NAME OUT BY THE TIME

I'VE CHOPPED
ALL THESE LOGS INTO FIREWOOD

I WILL HAVE HIS HEAD.

WHAT IS IT
WITH YOU PEOPLE?

WHAT KIND OF TWISTED
UPBRINGING DID YOU HAVE?

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST
SAY, "OH, THAT'LL BE 100 GOLD COINS."

WHY DOES IT ALWAYS
HAVE TO BE

"NO, NOT UNLESS YOU
LAY A MAGIC EGG

OR COUNT THE HAIRS
ON THAT GIANT'S ASS"?!

DO YOU WANT THE AXE

OR DON'T YOU?

YEAH, WELL, LET'S JUST CARRY ON

LOOKING
FOR VIRGINIA.

OH! I KNOW THIS.

IT'S ALL RIGHT,
IT'S ALL RIGHT.

WE ACCEPT.

DON'T ACCEPT
ON MY BEHALF.

OH, NO, IT'S FINE.

NO...

IT'S OKAY, IT'S OKAY.
I SWEAR, IT'S OKAY.

VERY WELL.

LAY YOUR HEAD ON THE BLOCK

WHILE YOUR FRIEND GUESSES.

JUST FOR VIRGINIA.

YES, DON'T WORRY.

JUST TO MAKE YOU SECURE.

I KNOW THIS.

DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT AT ALL.

ALL RIGHT, MR. I-
DON'T-HAVE-TO-LOOK- BUT-I-CAN-CHOP-WOOD

YOUR NAME IS
RUMPELSTILTSKIN.

NO.

OH!

I SAID "RUMPELSTILTSKIN."

IT'S NOT HIS NAME.

GUESS AGAIN.

OH, RUMPELSTILTSKIN, JR.

RUMPELSTILTSKIN
THE FOURTH.

NO.

( whooshing )

DOES IT HAVE A RUMPEL IN IT?

Virginia:
PLEASE LET ME GO.

I'M NOT INVOLVED IN THIS.

WHERE'S THE DOG?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

DON'T MAKE ME ASK AGAIN.

I THINK HE'S DEAD.

I THINK YOU'RE LYING.

AND YOU'RE
NOT LYING.

IS HE HURT?

YOU WERE DRAGGING
SOMETHING ON WHEELS.

YET THE TRACKS
WERE TOO DEEP

FOR THE WEIGHT OF JUST A DOG.

WHAT ABOUT
THE OTHERS?

WILL THEY COME
LOOKING FOR YOU?

THEY DON'T GIVE
A DAMN ABOUT ME.

SO THEY WILL COME.

DO THEY HAVE
ANY WEAPONS?

YES.

NO WEAPONS.

UH... TOM.

UH, DICK.

VAN DYKE.

COLD.

UH... UM.

OH! ELVIS?

FRANKIE.

JOHN, PAUL, GEORGE.
RINGO.

RINGO?

COLDER.
WAY OFF.

WELL, COME ON, LOOK, LOOK.

JUST GIVE ME A CLUE.

WHAT KIND OF FUN

CAN IT BE

JUST TO KILL HIM?

QUITE A LOT OF FUN

ACTUALLY.

IN FACT, YOU COULD SAY THAT IS
THE REASON FOR MY EXISTENCE.

SIT.

I WAS BORN HERE

IN THIS FOREST.

WHEN I FIRST SAW
THE QUEEN

I WAS STILL A FORESTER.

SHE CAME TO MY VILLAGE.

SHE STOPPED
HER HUNTING PARTY

TO WATER THE HORSES.

THEN SHE CALLED ME FORWARD

AND SHOWED ME THIS.

SHE SAID

"WHEN THIS CROSSBOW IS FIRED,
THE BOLT WILL NOT STOP

"UNTIL IT HITS THE HEART
OF A LIVING BEING.

IT CANNOT MISS."

SO I SAID

"WHAT MUST I DO TO WIN
THIS MAGIC CROSSBOW?"

AND SHE SAID,
"JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES

FIRE WHEREVER YOU WISH
AND IT'LL BE YOURS."

SO I DID.

THE BOLT LEFT THE BOW
LIKE GOSSAMER

AND SPED A MILE
THROUGH THE TREES

THEN KILLED A CHILD

WHO WAS PLAYING.

I REMEMBER THE QUEEN'S FACE

AS I PULLED THE BOLT
FROM MY SON'S HEART.

AND SHE SAID

"YOU WILL BE MY HUNTSMAN."

SO YOU
UNDERSTAND.

THE HUNT IS MY PURPOSE
AND ONLY PLEASURE.

I HAVE NO INTEREST
IN MERCY.

OH! WELL, HOW DO WE KNOW

YOU'RE NOT LYING
ABOUT YOUR NAME?

HEY! THAT'S RIGHT.
I COULD HAVE SAID IT ALREADY.

YOU HAVEN'T GUESSED MY NAME...
NOT BY A LONG WAY.

LONG WAY.
MY NAME...

IS IN MY HAT.

( no audio )

I MAY BE BLIND

BUT MY HEARING
IS EXCELLENT.

MOVE ANY CLOSER...

AND I CHOP
YOUR FRIEND'S HEAD OFF.

OH... OH...

YOU'RE A SICK PERVERT, HUH?

YOU'VE DONE
THIS BEFORE.

HUNDREDS OF TIMES.

AND, UH... APPROXIMATELY

WHAT WAS THE PERCENTAGE
OF CORRECT GUESSES?

NO ONE HAS EVER GUESSED.

OH!

YOUR MAJESTY?

ARE YOU THERE?

( horse whickers )

HELLO?

IS ANYONE THERE?

( high-pitched whine )

PRINCE WENDELL?

WHO IS THIS QUEEN?

HOW CAN YOU SERVE SOMEONE

THAT MADE YOU KILL
YOUR OWN SON?

IT WAS MY DESTINY
TO KILL MY SON.

IT WAS HER DESTINY
TO ASK ME.

YOU'RE CRAZY.

EVERYBODY IN THIS
WHOLE PLACE IS CRAZY!

WHATEVER IS MEANT TO HAPPEN
WILL HAPPEN

NO MATTER WHAT WE DO.

IT IS MY DESTINY

TO KILL YOU NOW.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M NOBODY.

I SWEAR, I'M NOBODY.

I WILL KILL YOU.

( clanging )

I HAVE A LITTLE BUSINESS

TO ATTEND TO.

WE WILL CONTINUE

OUR DISCUSSION
LATER.

"THE MAD AXEMAN."

( growls )

I TOLD YOU

YOU'D NEVER GUESS.

OH, UM...

UH... UH, WAIT!

UH, UM...

Wolf:
OH, HURRY UP.

IT'S FORMING
IN MY MIND.

RUNNING OUT OF LOGS.

UM, UH...
JUST A SECOND.

IT'S COMING,
IT'S COMING.

TOO LATE.

NOW, I WILL HAVE
YOUR FRIEND'S HEAD.

( Wolf yells )

JUST A MINUTE...

JULIET!

( groans )

( horse neighs )

( Virginia grunting )

( breathing heavily )

HI.

BECAUSE YOU HELPED US,
WE WILL HELP YOU AGAIN

BUT THIS REALLY HAS
TO BE THE LAST TIME.

YOU'RE SUCH A LOT OF TROUBLE.

OKAY.

PLEASE GO AND FIND
MY FATHER AND WOLF

AND TELL THEM WHERE I AM.

TELL THEM
TO COME AND GET ME.

BYE.

Wolf:
AH, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT?

JULIET, THE AXEMAN!

YOU KNOW WHAT?

IS IT ANY WONDER
HE TURNED INTO A SICK SADIST?

I KNOW.
PSST...

YOU, DOWN THERE.

IT'S ANOTHER ONE
OF THOSE BIRDS.

I KNOW
WHERE VIRGINIA IS.

WHERE?

SHE'S IN A TREE

THAT IS NOT A TREE...

IN A PLACE
THAT IS NOT A PLACE.

ALL RIGHT,
HOLD-HOLD-HOLD IT.

CAN WE JUST STOP
WITH THE RHYMING CRAP?

TAKE US THERE!

OH!
OH, COME ON! MOVE!

SHE'S INSIDE THIS TREE.

BYE.

WAIT A MINUTE.

INSIDE A TREE?

HOW COULD SHE BE
INSIDE A TREE?

VIRGINIA!

VIRGINIA!

ARE YOU UP THERE?

WOLF?

WOLF?

OH...
IT'S HER. IT'S HER.

UM, HOW DO WE GET IN?

THERE'S A DOOR.

UM, ALL RIGHT.

A DOOR?

UM.... A DOOR? WHERE?

I DON'T SEE A DOOR.

I DON'T SEE A DOOR.

THERE'S NO DOOR.

THERE'S DEFINITELY NO DOOR!

OH, IF HE'S CONCEALED
IT WITH MAGIC

IT COULD TAKE WEEKS
TO OPEN!

WHY CAN'T YOU
JUST COME DOWN--

LET US IN
FROM THE INSIDE?

WELL... HE'S CHAINED ME UP.
I CAN'T.

CAN'T YOU
CLIMB UP THE TREE?

WELL, THERE ARE
NO FOOTHOLDS.

WELL, GET A LADDER
OR SOMETHING.

WHERE AM I GOING
TO GET A LADDER?

HOLD ON A SECOND.

IF THIS IS A MAGIC AXE

MAYBE I CAN CHOP
THE TREE DOWN!

VIRGINIA,
CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

WHAT?

HOW LONG
IS YOUR HAIR NOW?

UH, IT'S, UH,
LONGER THAN EVER.

IT'S...

NO.

NO!

THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.

NO!

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO SAY THIS.

LOVE OF MY LIFE

LET DOWN YOUR LUSTROUS LOCKS.

OW!

( grunting )

OW!

LOOK OUT BELOW.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

W-WHY? WHAT IS IT?

DANDRUFF.

I DO NOT HAVE DAN... OW!

OH, SOME PEOPLE
CAN'T TAKE A JOKE.

OH, WHAT A MOMENT IN MY LIFE.

MY SECOND OPPORTUNITY
TO SAVE YOU.

MY STORY WILL
BE IMMORTALIZED

IN SONG--
THERE'S NO QUESTION OF THAT.

( gasps )

I FOUND ANOTHER GRAY ONE.

OH!

( grunts )

? TA-DA.

OW!

BE CAREFUL YOU DON'T
TRIP OVER YOUR HAIR.

NO KIDDING.

STAY BACK, VIRGINIA.
STAY BACK!

VIRGINIA!

VIRGINIA!

( growls )

VIRGINIA!

GET THE AXE!

GET THE AXE!

DAD, GIVE ME THE AXE!

CHOP HIS HEAD OFF!

STICK IT IN HIS
BACK! ANYTHING!

DO IT!

OKAY!

( yells )

SORRY.

WILL SOMEBODY
MOVE THIS DOOR?

MY ARM IS SQUASHED!

VIRGINIA, ARE
YOU ALL RIGHT?

YES.

WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

IT'S A BAD PLACE!

LET'S GO.

GOOD IDEA.

OH, WAIT, WE CAN'T JUST
LEAVE HIM LIKE THIS.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

GIVE ME THE AXE.

I'LL DO IT.

WAIT! WE
CAN'T KILL HIM.

OF COURSE WE CAN.
HE'D KILL US.

HE'S HELPLESS.

EXACTLY WHY WE
SHOULD KILL HIM NOW!

WOLF, NO!

HE'S GOING
TO COME AFTER US.

I DON'T CARE.

WE'RE NOT
KILLING HIM.

( grunts )

YOU'RE GOING
TO REGRET THIS MOMENT.

COME ON.

AW!

( delighted laughter )

HEY, BOY,
WELCOME BACK.

TIME FOR WALKIES.

OH, HEY.

HOW DID THE
HAIRCUT GO?

WELL... UH...

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE OVERDONE
THE AXE TRIM A LITTLE.

WH...? I DON'T...

WHAT'S...?

DON'T SAY A WORD.

OH, MY...

W-WHAT...?

( yelling and screaming )

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU ARE
INVITING TROUBLE.

I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING...

WAR IS GREAT FUN
WHEN THERE'S NO ENEMY.

YOU'RE VERY STUPID.

EVEN FOR A TROLL.

WENDELL'S KINGDOM
BORDERS ALL THE OTHERS.

THEY WILL NOT LET IT
FALL WITHOUT A FIGHT.

THE OTHER KINGDOMS
WILL SEND IN TROOPS

AND CRUSH YOU!

THEN I'LL KILL THEM ALL.

I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYBODY.

LISTEN TO ME.

I WILL GIVE YOU
EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE

BUT YOU MUST LEAVE
BEANTOWN NOW!

BEANTOWN'S OLD NEWS.

WE'VE GOT CONTROL OF EVERY
VILLAGE 20 MILES FROM HERE

AND IT'S NOT STOPPING THERE.

I'M TAKING MY HALF
OF THE KINGDOM RIGHT NOW.

WANT TO MAKE
SOMETHING OF IT?

( laughs )

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

THAT'S ACORN'S WAGON.

THAT'S IT,
THAT'S HIM.

WE'RE GOING HOME.

BRING PRINCE.

Virginia:
OKAY. YOU TALK.

AH, HI, ACORN.

HI.

REMEMBER ME?

ANTONY. YOU GOT
OUT OF PRISON.

HOW, UH...

UNLIKELY.

WHERE'S OUR MIRROR?

MIRROR?

IT BELONGS TO US.

WAS IT VALUABLE, THEN?

NO, IT'S WORTHLESS.

YOU'VE COME AN AWFUL LONG WAY

TO GET BACK

A WORTHLESS MIRROR.

IT'S A MAGIC MIRROR.

WE TRAVELED HERE
THROUGH IT

AND WE'VE BEEN TRAPPED
HERE EVER SINCE.

LOOK, ALL WE WANT
TO DO IS GO HOME.

WE WON'T TAKE THE MIRROR, OKAY?

WE'LL JUST USE IT TO GO HOME

AND THEN, YOU CAN DO
WHATEVER YOU WANT WITH IT.

I'M MOVED BY WHAT YOU SAY.

THEN PLEASE, LET US GO HOME.

BUT I DON'T HAVE IT ANYMORE.

I'M AFRAID I SWAPPED IT

WITH SOMEONE
IN THE VILLAGE

NOT HALF AN HOUR AGO.

SWAPPED IT?

SWAPPED IT FOR WHAT?

( baaing )

Queen:
WOLF...

WOLF.

WOLF...

WOLF, DO YOU THINK
YOU CAN SIMPLY IGNORE ME?

I'VE CHANGED.

I AM NO LONGER
UNDER YOUR INFLUENCE.

YOU CANNOT TOUCH ME.

OH, REALLY?

IT'S A FULL MOON TONIGHT.

YOUR BLOOD
IS ALREADY HOT.

YOU ARE A WOLF.

WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN
THE WILD MOON CALLS YOU?

WHAT WILL YOU DO THEN

TO YOUR NEW FRIENDS?

I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD
GO INTO THIS VILLAGE.

THIS IS WHERE ACORN
SAID THE MIRROR WAS.

A WOLF GOES BY
HIS INSTINCTS

AND I DON'T LIKE IT.

I MEAN, THIS
IS FARMING LAND

AND FARMERS
DON'T LIKE WOLFIES.

HUFF PUFF, NO SIRREE.

WHY DON'T WE STOP
FOR BREAKFAST

AND THINK ABOUT
WHAT TO DO?

YOU HAD BREAKFAST.

THEN I WANT
ANOTHER BREAKFAST!

WHAT ARE YOU,
MY MOTHER?

YOU TELL ME WHEN
I CAN EAT OR NOT?

WHY DON'T YOU JUST DRAW UP
A LIST OF THINGS

I CAN AND CAN'T DO.

WE'RE GOING
INTO THE VILLAGE.

END OF DISCUSSION.

YOU CAN DO
WHAT YOU LIKE.

VIRGINIA,
PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

I DIDN'T MEAN
TO BE SO RUDE.

IT'S JUST THAT MY CYCLE
IS COMING ON.

ONCE A MONTH, I GET
VERY IRRATIONAL AND ANGRY

AND I WANT
TO PICK A FIGHT

WITH ANYONE
WHO COMES NEAR ME.

SOUNDS FAMILIAR.

I'LL BE PERFECTLY,
PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT

IF YOU JUST KEEP ME
AWAY FROM TEMPTATION.

YOU KNOW, I GET LIKE
THAT, TOO, SOMETIMES.

OH.

LOOK AT THOSE SHEEP.

TROLLOPS.

IT SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED.

( gasps )

MORNING.

MORNING.

MY NAME'S SALLY PEEP.

I'M A SHEPHERDESS.

THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT.

MY, WHAT HAIRY,
STRONG ARMS YOU'VE GOT.

IF MY DOOR WASN'T LOCKED

I'D BE SCARED

YOU'D COME INTO MY HOUSE

AND HUFF AND PUFF

AND BLOW ALL MY CLOTHES OFF.

( huffs )

WHERE DO YOU LIVE, SALLY?

OKAY, LET'S GO.

( giggling )

Man:
WELCOME, ONE AND ALL

TO THE SECOND DAY OF THE LITTLE
LAMB VILLAGE ANNUAL COMPETITION.

WELL, IT'S A NEW DAY TODAY
AND A NEW COMPETITION.

THE BEST RADISH IN THE VILLAGE.

MRS. MORRIS, THESE RADISHES
ARE BEAUTIFUL.

I GIVE THEM NINE OUT OF TEN.

BUT THE PEEP'S RADISHES...

BLESS ME, THEY'VE DONE IT AGAIN.

THEY'RE OUT OF THIS WORLD.

I'VE GOT TO GIVE THEM
TEN OUT OF TEN.

GORDON PEEP THE GROCER

COME UP AND GET
YOUR NINTH AWARD TODAY.

CONFOUND IT. THE PEEPS
HAVE DONE IT AGAIN.

THEY'RE JUST BEST AT EVERYTHING.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IN AN HOUR'S TIME

I'LL ANNOUNCE THE WINNER
OF BEST CHEESE IN THE VILLAGE.

( applause )

EXCUSE ME.

CAN YOU TELL ME WHO'S
IN CHARGE AROUND HERE?

I AM THE VILLAGE IDIOT,
AND I AM IN CHARGE

OF THE WISHING WELL.

DO WE HAVE MAGNETS
IN OUR POCKETS?

HOW DO WE ATTRACT
PEOPLE LIKE THIS?

IT'S A NICE DOG

YOU GOT THERE.

HE REMINDS ME OF SOMEONE.

Tony:
WHAT'S THAT FOR?

Idiot:
THAT'S THE VILLAGE'S PRESENT

FOR PRINCE WENDELL.

IT'S TO BE
HIS CORONATION CLOAK.

I HOPE HE LIKES IT.

AREN'T YOU GOING
TO MAKE A WISH, THEN?

IT'S VERY BAD LUCK
TO PASS WITHOUT MAKING A WISH.

THAT'S MONEY WE
SHOULDN'T BE WASTING.

OH, YOU ARE SO PRIM.

BUT MY WISH WILL
CHANGE ALL OF THAT.

( coins clank )

IT DON'T WORK.

IT USED TO BE A REAL
MAGIC WISHING WELL.

AND FOLKS,
THEY TRAVELED

FROM ALL OVER THE KINGDOMS
TO HAVE THINGS BLESSED IN IT.

IT'S ALL DRIED UP NOW.

IT HASN'T FLOWED
FOR YEARS.

I HAVE MADE IT

MY LIFE'S WORK...

AS FASCINATING AS YOUR STORY IS

WE'RE ACTUALLY
LOOKING FOR A MIRROR.

ABOUT SO BIG,
BLACK.

WE WERE TOLD THAT
SOMEONE BOUGHT IT

OFF OF ACORN
THE DWARF.

MM-HMM.

I HAVE MADE IT MY LIFE'S WORK

TO WAIT BY THIS WELL
UNTIL IT FILLS UP AGAIN.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THAT?

IT'S NO USE, THE MAN
IS A COMPLETE IDIOT.

IF ONLY.

NOW MY FATHER, HE WAS
A COMPLETE IDIOT.

I'M STILL A HALF-WIT.

EVERYWHERE IS FULL,
WHAT WITH THE ANNUAL VILLAGE COMPETITION.

BUT YOU CAN STAY HERE,
IF YOU LIKE.

MIGHT NOT BE POSH,
LIKE WHAT YOU'RE USED TO.

OH.

IT STINKS.

IT'S GREAT.
THANK YOU.

BY THE WAY,
DO YOU KNOW OF ANYBODY

THAT'S BOUGHT A MIRROR

FROM A TRAVELING
TRADER RECENTLY?

OH? AH!

YOU'LL WANT TO TALK
TO THE LOCAL JUDGE.

HE BOUGHT A LOAD OF THINGS
OFF THAT DWARF.

PRIZES FOR THE COMPETITION.

YOU'LL FIND HIM IN THE INN
OVER THE ROAD.

THEY DO
LOVELY FOOD THERE, TOO.

WELL, THAT'S THE UNDERSTATEMENT
OF THE YEAR.

THANKS.

( groaning in pain )

WHAT'S WRONG?

OH! DOG... CRAMPS!

( whimpering )

I NEED TO...

I NEED TO GO TO BED.

I NEED TO LIE DOWN
IMMEDIATELY.

( groaning )

I NEED A... I WANT A...

I NEED A HOT RABBIT
TO STROKE.

TO COMFORT ME.

A LONG-EARED
RABBIT IS BEST.

NOW!

UH... NOW.

RIGHT NOW.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RUNNING
A TERRIBLE TEMPERATURE.

OH, THEY LOOK SO INNOCENT,
DON'T THEY?

BUT THEY'RE NOT!

THEY'RE PROVOCATIVE

TEASING LITTLE
FLUFF BALLS.

( gasping )

JUST LOOK AT HER
BEADY LITTLE EYES.

SHE KNOWS EXACTLY
WHAT SHE'S DOING.

DON'T YOU?

YOU JUST FEEL
REALLY HOT.

OH, STOP FUSSING OVER ME!

YOU'RE NOT
MY MOTHER!

STOP MOTHERING AND SMOTHERING
AND CUBBER-LOVING EVERYBODY

LIKE A LITTLE DWARF HOUSEWIFE!

GO OUT!
LEAVE ME ALONE!

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
TO MY DAUGHTER LIKE THAT FOR?

I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE
THAT KIND...

( women screaming )

WOLF! WOLF! WO...

( festive music )

( cheering )

( clamoring )

I'M THE WOLF!

LET'S GO SEE
WHAT THAT IS.

YOU STAY WITH ME.

YEAH.

( growls )

( laughing and yelling )

I AM THE WOLF.

COME ON. COME ON.

THAT'S THE PLACE FOR US.

MM, THESE POTATOES...

DID YOU TRY THE SQUASH?

IT'S ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE.

I KNOW.

THAT'S IT.

HMM?

VIRGINIA, LOOK.

TOMORROW'S COMPETITION.

DAD, LOOK.

THE MIRROR IS ONE OF THE PRIZES.

SHEEP AND SHEPHERDESS
COMPETITION. HMM.

WE'VE GOT TO TALK
TO THE JUDGE.

I KNOW.

HERE WE ARE,
MY DEARS.

UH-HUH.
IS THE JUDGE ABOUT?

THE JUDGE WILL BE IN
FOR HIS DINNER, 8:00 ON THE DOT.

THERE ARE SOME MORE
LOVELY VEGETABLES

FOR YOU.

JUST KEEP IT COMING.

IT'S INCREDIBLE.

THIS CIDER--
I DON'T EVEN LIKE CIDER--

I'VE HAD FIVE PINTS.

THAT CIDER COMES
FROM YOUNG COLIN PEEP'S APPLES.

AND THE LAMB WAS REARED
BY MY BROTHER, LARRY PEEP.

EVERYTHING
YOU'RE EATING

COMES FROM
US PEEPS.

BEST FARMING FAMILY

IN THE WHOLE
OF THE NINE KINGDOMS

IF I SAY IT MESELF.

WELL, YOU GO RIGHT AHEAD
AND SAY IT.

WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?

OH, I SUPPOSE
WE'RE JUST GOOD FARMERS.

( chuckles )

( gasping )

OH, START WITHOUT ME,
WHY DON'T YOU?

HI.

SHOULDN'T YOU
BE IN BED?

BED?! NO!

I FEEL BOUNDING WITH ENERGY.

I FEEL FULL OF LIFE.

WHERE'S THE RABBIT?

WHAT RABBIT'S THAT?

THE ONE I GAVE
YOU TO CUDDLE.

MM! MM!

GOODNESS ME,
I THINK SHE MUST'VE HOPPED AWAY.

( grunting )

OH, YOU'VE GOT AN APPETITE
LIKE A WOLF, YOU HAVE.

( growling )

OH, BY THE WAY, FOLKS,
JUDGE HAS JUST WALKED IN

IF YOU WANT
TO TALK TO HIM.

OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

( grunting )

SO, YOU CAN SEE, SIR,
THAT, IN A WAY

THIS MIRROR REALLY IS,
ACTUALLY, OURS.

YEAH.

NO, IT'S NOT.

I BOUGHT THAT
FAIR AND SQUARE.

I BUY A WHOLE BATCH OF THINGS
EVERY YEAR

FOR THE VILLAGE PRIZES.

UM... RIGHT.

YOU KNOW... YOU KNOW,
YOUR HONOR, I KNOW

HOW THESE THINGS
USUALLY WORK, SO, UM...

HOW ABOUT I SLIP YOU
A FEW GOLD COINS...

I'M A JUDGE.

I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE
TRYING TO BRIBE ME.

OH, I...

NOW, NOT ANOTHER WORD

OR I'LL HAVE YOU
THROWN OUT OF THE VILLAGE.

? NOW IS THE MONTH OF MAYING

? WHEN MERRY LAMBS ARE PLAYING

( yodeling )

? EACH WITH HIS BONNY LASS...

( gasping )

YOU'RE NEW, AREN'T YOU?

YEAH.

I CAN'T GET
THESE SHERBET DIPS UNDONE.

COULD YOU HELP ME, MISTER...?

WELL, I, UM...

YEAH, WHAT
IS YOUR NAME?

WOLFSON.

WOLF... SON.

( giggling )

WARREN WOLFSON.

IT'S MY 18th BIRTHDAY TODAY.

BET YOU CAN'T GUESS
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

TO ME TONIGHT.

( gasping )

IS IT THE BUMPS?

WHAT'S THAT
STICKING OUT

THE BACK OF
YOUR TROUSERS?

DOWN THERE,
AT THE BACK?

IT'S QUITE A BULGE.

AH...

WELL...

I MUST GET GOING.

I THINK I LEFT
A CHOP ON MY PLATE.

NO OUTSIDERS
MESS WITH PEEP GIRLS.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
AROUND HERE ANYWAY, MR. WOLFSON?

WELL, I...
UH-UH-UH.

LET'S TAKE HIM OUT BACK.

( groaning )

EXCUSE ME.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
TO MY HUSBAND?

YOUR HUSBAND?

YES. HE'S NOT
AT ALL WELL TODAY

AND I MUST TAKE HIM HOME
RIGHT NOW.

THANKS. GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

OH, VIRGINIA, WHEN YOU
SAID I WAS YOUR HUSBAND

I WENT ALL HARD AND
SOFT AT THE SAME TIME.

I ONLY SAID THAT
TO GET YOU OUT OF HERE.

COME ON.

VIRGINIA, I FEEL SO ALIVE.

I CAN SEE EVERYTHING FOR MILES.

AW... OH...

LOOK AT THE MOON.

DOESN'T IT JUST WANT
TO MAKE YOU HOWL?

IT'S SO-O-O-O-O
BEAUTIFUL.

NOT REALLY.

MY MAMA WAS OBSESSED
WITH THE MOON.

SHE USED TO DRAG US ALL OUT
JUST TO WATCH IT

WHEN WE WERE CUBS.

( sighing )

? SHEPHERDESS
MAKES QUITE A MESS ?

? BUT LITTLE LAMBS ARE LOVELY.

THE MOON MAKES ME
HUNGRY FOR EVERYTHING.

TIME TO GO TO SLEEP.

GOOD NIGHT, THEN.

GOOD NIGHT.

WATCH YOUR STEP.

NOT A BAD PLACE.

BOY, TH-THAT CIDER
WAS SOMETHING-- TEN PINTS.

HEY... WANT TO GO FOR WALKIES?

( bird calling )

LOOK, YES, ALL RIGHT?

I FEEL GUILTY

ABOUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU,
ALL RIGHT?

BUT IF I GOT YOU INTO THIS MESS,
THEN, I'LL GET YOU OUT, OKAY?

HEY.

( whispering )

( hinges squeaking )

( door shutting )

( whispering ):
WAIT HERE.

AND WHERE'S THE BIRTHDAY GIRL,
THEN?

WHY DO YOU THINK

EVERYTHING THE PEEPS
MAKE TASTES SO GOOD

SALLY
SHEPHERDESS?

( chuckling ):
I DON'T RIGHT AS KNOW.

USED TO BE THAT THERE WAS
A MAGIC WELL IN TOWN

BUT... WELL'S DRIED UP.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT.

DO THEY, NOW?

WELL...

SINCE YOU'RE 18...

I'M GOING TO LET YOU
IN ON THE FAMILY SECRET.

GO ON, BOYS.

( owl hooting softly )

THE REASON THERE'S
NO MORE MAGIC WATER IN THE VILLAGE WELL

IS 'CAUSE ME
AND MY BROTHER

DIVERTED THE STREAM

40 YEARS AGO.

THE PEEPS HAVE
ALL THE MAGIC NOW!

( hooting continuing )

LET'S HAVE A LOOK
AT YOUR SHEEP.

UGLY BUGGER,
ISN'T HE?

CAN'T SEE HIM
WINNING YOU

THE LOVELY SHEPHERDESS
COMPETITION.

WHAT DO YOU WASH
IN MY MAGIC WATERS?

FILL THIS SHEEP

WITH YOUR GOODNESS
AND LIFE.

( churning and rumbling )

( Sally gasps )

( bleating )

( laughing excitedly )

Sally:
OH!

WILF

IT'S AMAZING.

( laughs )

DON'T... YOU...
NEVER...

BREATHE A WORD
TO ANYONE

OR I'LL CUT
YOUR THROAT--

GRANDCHILD OR
NO GRANDCHILD.

( hinges creak )

( panting )

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT YOU DO TO ME?

YOU WILL NEVER KNOW
LOVE LIKE MINE.

WOLF...
I AM YOUR MATE FOR LIFE!

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

I KNOW YOU'RE...

OH, YOU KNOW,
DO YOU?

AH, YOU KNOW
EVERYTHING.

YOU'RE LITTLE
MISS PERFECT--

STICKS UP HER HAND
AND CAN ANSWER EVERY QUESTION

BUT KNOWS NOTHING.

YOU'RE PRETENDING
TO LIVE, VIRGINIA.

YOU'RE DOING
EVERYTHING

BUT ACTUALLY LIVING!

YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!

STOP BULLYING ME.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

NOW, GO TO BED.

NOW.

OR WHAT?

WILL YOU SCREAM?

THAT'S WHAT MOST PEOPLE DO
WHEN THEY SEE A WOLF.

THEY SCREAM--
SCREAM AND SCREAM.

( gasping ):
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO

STICK IT IN ME?

THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY DOES
WHEN THERE'S A WOLF AROUND.

THEY STICK IT

AND THEY STAB IT

AND THEY SMOKE IT OUT!

OH, THEY BURNT MY
PARENTS GOOD, OH, YES!

THE GOOD PEOPLE

THE NICE FARMERS, THEY
MADE A GREAT BIG FIRE

AND BURNT THEM BOTH.

( snarls )

Tony:
HEY!

YOU'RE NEVER GOING
TO GUESS WHAT I FOUND.

I KNOW WHY
THE PEEPS WIN EVERYTHING.

( grunting )

( Wolf running )

HE LOOKS BETTER.

FINE MESS, FINE MESS, FINE MESS.

NOW, SHE HATES YOU.

OH, NOW, SHE HATES YOU

OH, BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ANIMAL

OH, AND YOU DESERVE IT.

YOU'RE A NASTY...

NASTY ANIMAL.

OH, NASTY!

NASTY ANIMAL!

ANIMAL!

WHO ARE YOUR
COMPANIONS?

I'M NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING
ABOUT HER!

"HER"?

( grunting angrily )

WHAT'S SHE LIKE?

IS SHE... TASTY?

YOU'RE EVIL.

YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME!

LOOK AT THE MOON

AND, THEN, TELL ME
WHAT YOU'D REALLY LIKE

TO DO TO HER

AND LET THE WOLF OUT.

( yelling )

( horse whinnying )

( bleating )

( rooster crowing )

HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

( shrieks )

HEY!

DON'T SCARE IT.

IT TOOK ME ALMOST THREE
HOURS TO CATCH IT.

WHY HAVE YOU STOLEN
A SHEEP?

FOR THE COMPETITION--
THE BEAUTIFUL SHEEP

AND SHEPHERDESS
COMPETITION.

( laughing ):
OH, NO.

YES, YES, YES.

HOW ELSE ARE WE GOING
TO GET OUR HANDS

ON THAT MIRROR?

I AM NOT A SHEPHERDESS.

I'M A WAITRESS.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT SHEEP.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

THAT'S THE BEAUTY
OF MY PLAN.

WELL, THIS SHEEP SUCKS.

THIS ISN'T GOING
TO WIN ANYTHING.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S
ABOUT TO DIE.

Tony:
WELL, IT WON'T ONCE IT HAS A TRIP

DOWN THE MAGIC
WISHING WELL.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN

YOU GET BUSY
MAKING YOUR COSTUME.

I'M GOING TO GO
GET IT DIPPED.

MY "COSTUME"?

WELL, YEAH, YEAH.

LOOK...

WHO WOULD'VE EVER THOUGHT
THESE USED TO BE CURTAINS?

NOW, COME ON, HURRY UP...

AND WATCH PRINCE.

( rooster crowing )

( horse nickering )

( cows mooing )

( gasping )

HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

( shudders )

OH, NOT-NOT TOO GOOD.

EVERYTHING'S...

HAZY AT THE MOMENT.

OH, I-I MUST FIGHT WHAT I AM.

( panting ):
I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I'VE DONE!

YOU'D BETTER TIE ME UP.

THAT WAY, I CAN'T ESCAPE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, TIE YOU UP?

TIE ME UP!
STOP ME ESCAPING!

WHICH PART
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!

ALL RIGHT.

COME ON, TIGHTER.

TIGHTER.

TIGHTER.

IF I STRUGGLE,
I CAN GET FREE.

YES, TIGHTER.

( sighing )

WHAT'S THE WORST THING
YOU'VE EVER DONE?

TIGHTER...

OR I'LL EAT YOU UP.

( crows cawing )

Sally:
WOLF!

WOLF!

WOLF!

WOLF!

WOLF!

WOLF!

WOLF! WOLF!

WOLF!

NO!
WOLF!

CHECK THE
CHICKENS.

THEY'VE BEEN
TORN APART!

( grunts angrily )

( gasping )

( creaking )

( panting )

( water splashing )

( gasps )

( gasping fearfully )

KILL THE GIRL.

NO!

NO!

( crying )

GET ME THE DOG.

( snarling and groaning )

DO IT!

( growling )

( growling continuing )

( roaring )

DUE TO THE APPALLING
CHICKEN MASSACRE THIS MORNING

WE'RE BRINGING FORWARD

THE BEAUTIFUL
SHEPHERDESS COMPETITION

THE PRIZE FOR WHICH
IS A TROPHY

AND THIS LOVELY
OLD MIRROR.

( applause and cheers )

Woman:
LOOK, LOOK, LOOK!

Crowd:
WHOA! WHOA!

WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?

YOU'RE NOT LOCAL.

YOU LITTLE
GOBLIN.

DON'T YOU DARE.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

( chuckling )

WE'RE GOING TO DO
THIS RIGHT, HUH?

HOLD ON.

Magic Well:
WHAT DO YOU WASH

IN MY MAGIC WATER?

UM, THE SAME AS YOU DID
FOR THE PEEPS.

I WANT A BEAUTIFUL SHEEP.

( bleating )

NOW, IT'S TIME
FOR THE WELL OF FORTUNE.

( chuckling )

NOW WE'VE GOT...

THREE CONTESTANTS.

OH, GRACIOUS ME.

WELL, THE MORE
THE MERRIER, I SAY.

UH, WHERE'S
YOUR SHEEP, MISS?

OH, HE'S ON HIS WAY.

Sally:
? SHE HASN'T

? GOT ONE.

I DO, TOO. HE'S...

HE'S JUST IN THE BARN.

WELL, GO AND FETCH HIM, GIRL,
AND SMARTISH, TOO

ELSE I SHALL HAVE
TO DISQUALIFY YOU.

NOW TO START THE COMPETITION

I'M GOING TO ASK ALL ENTRANTS,
AS IS THE AGE-OLD CUSTOM

TO SING THEIR FAVORITE
SHEEP SONG.

YOUNG MARY RAMLEY,
WILL YOU START US OFF?

( applause )

? BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP,
HAVE YOU ANY WOOL... ?

Tony:
OH, HEY, HEY!

DAD, WHAT THE HELL
IS THAT?

( chuckling )
THIS IS A MIRROR- WINNING SHEEP.

OH, MY GOD, DAD,
WHAT SHEEP SONGS

DO YOU KNOW?

"BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP."

SHE'S ALREADY
DOING THAT.

I DON'T KNOW, JUST...

WELL, JUST PICK
ANY SONG.

JUST PUT SHEEP
WORDS TO IT.

THERE'S NO WAY
I'M GOING TO WIN.

VIRGINIA, LISTEN
TO YOUR FATHER.

IF YOU EVER WANT
TO GO HOME AGAIN

DO WHAT YOU
NEED TO DO

TO WIN THIS
COMPETITION.

( screaming )

? LITTLE BO PEEP
HAS LOST HER SHEEP ?

? AND DOESN'T KNOW WHERE

? TO FIND THEM

? LEAVE THEM ALONE

? AND THEY'LL COME HOME

? WAGGING THEIR TAILS
BEHIND THEM. ?

( cheering and applause )

( sheep bleating )

Judge:
AND NOW

CONTESTANT
NUMBER THREE.

( crowd murmuring )

( singing to the tune
of "Champions of the World" )

? BUDDY, YOU'RE A LAMB,
MAKE A BIG BLEAT ?

? PLAYING IN THE FIELDS,
GONNA BE A BIG RAM ?

? SOMEDAY

? YOU GOT WOOL

? ON YOUR FACE,
YOU BIG DISGRACE ?

? WAVING YOUR...

? FLEECE ALL OVER THE PLACE

? SINGING WE WILL

? WE WILL... SHEAR YOU

SING IT!

? BUDDY, YOU'RE A YOUNG EWE
LOOK AT YOU ?

? PLAYING IN THE FIELDS,
GONNA BE A BIG RAM SOMEDAY ?

? YOU GOT WOOL ON YOUR FACE,
YOU BIG DISGRACE ?

? WAVING YOUR FLEECE
ALL OVER THE PLACE ?

All:
? SINGING WE WILL

? WE WILL SHEAR YOU

YES!

? SINGING WE WILL,
WE WILL SHEAR YOU... ?

KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL.

( panting )

OH, TIME TO KILL,
TIME TO KILL.

OH, GOT TO...

OH, IF I STAY,
NOTHING TO DO.

( Wolf panting )

NO, NO, I AM SERENE.

I AM CALM AND SERENE.

I AM VERY, VERY SERENE.

( gasps )

I AM VERY, VERY SERENELY...

HUNGRY.

THREE BEAUTIFUL GIRLS

AND THREE
BEAUTIFUL LAMBS.

THIS IS THE HARDEST
COMPETITION

TO JUDGE SO FAR
BY A LONG CHALK.

I GIVE MARY EIGHT
OUT OF TEN

AND A WELL-EARNED
THIRD PLACE.

( applause )

BOTH THESE LAMBS

ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.

HOW DO I MAKE
A DECISION?

I'VE GOT TO GIVE SALLY PEEP
TEN OUT OF TEN.

( screams )

BUT THEN, I ALSO
HAVE TO GIVE

VIRGINIA LEWIS
TEN OUT OF TEN

AS WELL.

( cheering )

Man:
A TIE? WE CAN'T HAVE A TIE.

SOMEONE HAS TO WIN.

Sally:
I HAVE TO WIN.

PEEPS ALWAYS WIN.

HOW ABOUT
IF YOU GET A TROPHY

AND I GET
THE MIRROR?

THEY'RE BOTH MINE!

SHE SHOULDN'T
EVEN BE ALLOWED TO TAKE PART.

IT'S NOT FAIR.

WHY ARE YOU GIVING

AN OUTSIDER
TEN OUT OF TEN?

SHE'S A DIRTY CHEAT.

GIVE THE PRIZE
TO MY GIRL.

BACK OFF!

BACK OFF, I SAID!

NOW, LOOK...

THIS IS
A SHEPHERDESS COMPETITION.

WE SET UP

AN OBSTACLE COURSE.

AND WHOEVER GUIDES HER SHEEP
INTO THE PEN

IN THE SHORTEST TIME
IS THE WINNER

USING ONLY SHEEP DOGS
AND COMMANDS.

SOUND FAIR ENOUGH?

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

NO. I DON'T HAVE A SHEEP DOG.

'SPECT I'LL WIN THEN, WON'T I?

( laughing )

DAMN, DAMN!

WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND
A SHEEP DOG?

Man:
EXCUSE ME.

PLEASE, ALL RIGHT?

I'M TRYING
TO THINK HERE.

YOU'VE GOT A DOG.

I DON'T HAVE A...
THAT DOG?

I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU'VE NOTICED

BUT THAT DOG...

THAT'S IT.

YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE GENIUS.

GO, GO.

MAGIC WISHING WELL,
PLEASE USE YOUR MAGIC...

WHATEVER... WATER...

TO BRING BACK TO LIFE
THIS POOR DOG

TRAPPED IN A GOLD BODY.

OH, NO. NOT YOU AGAIN.

Judge:
EACH GIRL STANDS THIS END OF THE VILLAGE

AND CAN ONLY USE
HER SHEPHERDING SKILLS

WITH HER DOG.

ARE YOU READY,
SALLY?

STARTING... NOW!

( whistling )

( crowd cheering encouragement )

( bleating )

MOVING UP TO 30.

LET IT HAVE WORKED, GOD,
PLEASE.

LET ONE THING HAVE GONE RIGHT.

OH, NO!

IT DIDN'T WORK.

( crowd cheering )

PEN'S CLOSED.

DONE IN A SPLENDID COUNT
OF 85.

( cheering )

PRINCE, COME ON,
COME ON.

OH, LOOK, LOOK,
PRINCE, PRINCE.

FETCH!

OH, HO!

YES, YES!

( laughing )

OH, YES!

YES, YES, YES!

WELCOME BACK

PRINCEY BOY!

( snarling )

OW!

MORON!

OW, OW, OW, OW!

WHY DID YOU TURN ME INTO GOLD?

IT WAS A HEAT OF THE MOMENT
KIND OF THING.

I WAS TRYING TO PROTECT YOU
FROM THOSE TROLLS.

OH, YOU REALLY ARE
THE MOST INCOMPETENT MANSERVANT

I'VE EVER HAD.

YOU ARE
A COMPLETE IMBECILE.

WHAT ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT, I REALLY NEED

YOUR HELP
HERE, OKAY?

TIME STARTS NOW.

COME ON, LAMB!

COME ON, LAMBEY.

COME ON.
COME ON.

( bleating )

( snapping fingers )

( whistling )

COME HERE, LAMB.

COME ON, LAMBEY.

COME ON, LAMB!

COME ON, LAMB!

COME HERE, LAMBEY!

COME ON!
COME ON!

COMING UP TO 30.

COME HERE, LAMB,
COME ON, COME ON.

COME ON, LAMBEY,
COME ON!

COME ON!

AW...

( whistling )

TOUGH LUCK, HARD CHEESE.

SALLY IS THE WINNER.

COMING UP TO 50...

( crowd gasps )

COME ALONG, PINKEY,
HURRY UP.

THAT'S IT.

STUPID LITTLE SHEEP,
HURRY UP!

W-WHERE'D HE COME FROM?

AH! GO, PRINCE, GO!

COUNT OF 70!

HURRY UP, OR
I'LL BITE YOU.

GET IN THAT PEN

YOU DISGUSTING
LITTLE WOOLLY JUMPER!

81, TWO...

PEN'S CLOSED.

...THREE!

VIRGINIA

THE SHEPHERDESS
IS THIS YEAR'S WINNER!

OH, YEAH!

( screaming ):
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Man:
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY

WHEN A PEEP
GOT BEAT.

COME AND GET YOUR PRIZE, LASS.

( crowd cheers )

( Sally whining )

THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.

IT WAS A TEAM EFFORT.

NO ONE PERSON
COULD DO IT.

BYE-BYE.

Sally:
NO!

YOU LIED TO ME, GRAMP.

YOU SAID I COULDN'T
FAIL TO WIN.

WELL, THAT LITTLE WITCH MUST
HAVE GOT TO OUR WELL SOMEHOW.

IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION.

YOU'VE MADE ME
LOOK A FOOL

IN FRONT OF THE
WHOLE VILLAGE!

I CAN MAKE YOU
SUFFER FOR THIS, WILF!

( sobbing )

( growling )

( snarling )

Tony:
COME ON, COME ON, COME ON.

HOW COME IT'S NOT
SHOWING OUR WORLD?

I DON'T KNOW.

I WAS TALKING
TO PRINCE.

Prince:
BECAUSE IT'S NOT TURNED ON.

THERE'S PROBABLY
A SECRET CATCH SOMEWHERE.

HE SAID IT'S
PROBABLY NOT TURNED ON.

WELL, HOW DID YOU

GET THROUGH IT IN
THE FIRST PLACE?

I FELL ON IT.

IT CAN'T BE

THAT HARD TO FIND.

I DON'T...

WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S CENTRAL PARK.

THAT'S
WOLMAN RINK.

Sally:
WOLF!

WOLF!

( screaming )

SALLY PEEP'S BEEN MURDERED!

CAUGHT HIM RED-HANDED!

Wolf:
I WAS TRYING TO GET THOSE SHEEP TO THE SIDE.

I DIDN'T DO NOTHING!

SALLY PEEP'S
BEEN MURDERED!

( groaning )

MAKE WAY FOR THE MURDERER!

BURN HIM!

VIRGINIA!

VIRGINIA!

VIRGINIA...

I DIDN'T DO NOTHING!

VIRGINIA!

VIRGINIA...

( grunts )

Soldier:
HALT!

( groaning )

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOUR MAJESTY...?

MIRROR... MIRROR.

FIND ME A MIRROR.

FIND A MIRROR!

THE MAN IS AN IDIOT.

HE'S CAUSING ME SO MUCH TROUBLE.

YOU'RE DEAD!

YOU HEAR ME!

NEXT TIME I SEE YOU,
YOU'RE DEAD!

CEASE FIGHTING IMMEDIATELY

OR YOU WILL BE OVERRUN
AND WE WILL LOSE THIS KINGDOM!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

I'M TAKING THE KINGDOM!

THEN I'M COMING FOR YOU,
YOU EVIL PIG!

BEHOLD THE TROLL KING'S
LATEST ADVANCE.

HE'S RAVAGING THE KINGDOM.

IT LOOKS LIKE

SOME AWFUL DISEASE.

SURELY THE TROLLS ARE
NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO...

TO SEIZE
THE ENTIRE KINGDOM.

WELL, WHO WILL STOP THEM?

IF NO ONE ELSE WILL SAY IT,
THEN I WILL.

WHERE IS WENDELL
IN OUR HOUR OF NEED?

WHERE IS HE?

HE WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE PERFORMING

PREARRANGED ACTS OF BRAVERY
BEFORE HIS CORONATION

AND NOW THERE'S A REAL CRISIS,
HE'S JUST RUN AWAY.

HE'S...

HE'S NOT FIT TO BE KING.

WRITE THAT DOWN.

PUT IT DOWN.

PUT IT DOWN!

SIRS, FORGIVE ME.

I HAVE THE MOST DREADFUL NEWS.

WHAT IS IT?

VISCOUNT LANSKY'S HORSE

HAS RETURNED
FROM THE GREAT FOREST

RIDERLESS.

GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE
RUN OUT OF OPTIONS.

WE MUST ACCEPT
MILITARY ASSISTANCE

FROM THE FIRST AND NINTH
KINGDOMS TO PROTECT OUR PEOPLE.

THE PRICE OF THEIR AID,
HOWEVER, IS INDEED HIGH.

THE FOURTH KINGDOM WILL BE
DIVIDED INTO QUARTERS

AND RUN BY THE COUNCIL
OF THE NINE KINGDOMS

IN PERPETUITY, AND WENDELL
WILL FOREGO ANY CHANCE

OF EVER TAKING THE THRONE.

NO!

NO!

I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT!

I'VE BEEN PLANNING
THIS CORONATION FOR 3? YEARS!

FORGET THE CORONATION,
LORD RUPERT!

WE MUST SIGN AWAY
SOVEREIGNTY OR LOSE EVERYTHING.

All:
BURN HIM! BURN THE WOLF!

BURN HIM! BURN THE WOLF!

VIRGINIA, THERE'S BEEN
A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

LOOK, WOLF

WE'RE GOING HOME.

HUFF PUFF, YOU CAN'T!

LOOK, WE DON'T BELONG HERE.

NO!

AND WHATEVER MESS
YOU'VE GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO

IT HAS NOTHING
TO DO WITH US!

( whining )

PLEASE, DON'T CRY.

LOOK, NOTHING YOU CAN SAY IS
EVER GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND.

( whining weakly )

THAT'S HOME, FRITZ.

WELL, IT'S NOT HOME
FOR ME, TONY.

AND YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY THINK
OF GOING HOME

WHILE YOU REMAIN
MY MANSERVANT.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GET
SOMETHING STRAIGHT

YOUR ROYAL DOGNESS.

I AM NOT YOUR MANSERVANT.

AHA.

SO, DID YOU BREAK
THE NEWS TO HIM?

YES.

WELL, SORT OF.

( cow moos )

WHAT'S "SORT OF"?

SORT OF AGREED
TO REPRESENT HIM.

VIRGINIA!

I DON'T THINK HE
KILLED ANYBODY.

THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO THINK.

THERE'S A DEAD GIRL
OUT THERE!

IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU.

HE'S A WOLF.
THAT'S WHAT WOLVES DO.

THAT'S THE FIRST INTELLIGENT
THING YOU'VE SAID, ANTHONY.

Virginia:
LOOK, WE HAVE THE MIRROR.

WE CAN GO HOME ANY TIME.

SO, LET'S GO RIGHT NOW.

LET'S GO RIGHT THIS MINUTE

BEFORE WE'RE TURNED
INTO GIANT PIGS

OR TRAMPLED BY GOBLINS

OR WHATEVER'S NEXT
IN THIS MADHOUSE.

I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE
UNTIL I TRY TO HELP HIM.

HOW...?

HELP ME HIDE THIS THING

UNDER THE STRAW
IN THE WAGON.

YOU NEVER USED TO BE
THIS OBSTINATE, YOU KNOW?

THAT'S SOMETHING
HE'S TAUGHT YOU.

SOMEBODY HAD TO,
DIDN'T THEY?

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

I HAD NO CHOICE.
YOU HAVE TO.

YOU KNOW, VIRGINIA,
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING

ABOUT THE LAWS
AROUND HERE.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING

ABOUT LAW AT ALL.

MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE
REPRESENTED HIM.

EXCUSE ME.

WHO GOT YOU OUT
OF THE PARKING TICKETS?

WHO TOOK THE POLAROID
OF THE BROKEN METER?

VIRGINIA, THIS IS
A MURDER CASE.

JUSTICE IS UNIVERSAL.

IT'S NO GOOD.
IT'S NO GOOD.

WE'VE LOST ALREADY,
MY CREAMY COUNSEL.

THE LOCAL JURY IS CERTAIN
TO BE BIASED AGAINST ME.

NOW, THAT IS WHAT
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR...

NEGATIVE THINKING.

ANY JURY CAN BE SWAYED.

ALL YOU NEED IS A...

( all bleating )

OH, MY GOD.

( crowd clamoring )

Bailiff:
ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE JUDGE.

IT GIVES ME NO PLEASURE
TO SENTENCE THIS WOLF TO DEATH

( bleating )

FOR THE TERRIBLE CRIME...

OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR!

WE HAVEN'T HEARD
ANY EVIDENCE YET.

OH. ALL RIGHT.

WELL, UM, MOVE IT ALONG
NICE AND BRISK, EH?

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

OF THE JURY, EWES AND RAMS

BEFORE YOU LEAVE
THIS COURTROOM TODAY

I WILL NOT ONLY HAVE PROVED
MY CLIENT'S INNOCENCE

BEYOND ANY REASONABLE DOUBT--

OW.

BUT ALSO UNMASKED
THE REAL KILLER.

Judge:
JUST A POT

OF LEMON TEA
AND A SLICE OF ROSIE PEEP'S

GINGER CAKE.
THANK YOU.

LOOK AT THIS POOR MAN
BEFORE YOU.

IS HE A WOLF? NO.

BUT HE IS A STRANGER

AND STRANGER EQUALS WOLF.

AND WOLF EQUALS KILLER.

IS THAT WHAT WE'RE SAYING?

Judge:
VERY WELL PUT!

NOW TO THE SENTENCING.

YOUR HONOR

I'M ONLY JUST BEGINNING.

I WOULD LIKE TO CALL
MY FIRST WITNESS.

WILFRED PEEP,
YOU SAW MY CLIENT

RUNNING AWAY
FROM THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

IS THAT RIGHT?

CLEAR AS DAYLIGHT.

IT WAS HIM.

OOH, THAT WAS ME.

THAT'S HIM!

BURN HIM. BURN HIM.

I'M WONDERING
IF YOU CAN READ THIS.

OF COURSE, I CAN.

IT SAYS, "NO TRESPASSING
ACCORDING TO..."

THANK YOU.

I WONDER, MR. PEEP,
IF YOU CAN READ IT NOW

AT THE SAME DISTANCE YOU SAY

YOU CLEARLY SAW MY CLIENT
RUNNING AWAY

FROM THE MURDER SCENE.

"...ACCORDING TO LITTLE LAMB
VILLAGE COUNSEL RULING

NUMBER 714B. AND BYLAW 21-A."

NO FURTHER QUESTIONS, THANK YOU.

( crowd laughing derisively )

YOU CRIPES!

WE GOT TO DO SOMETHING
TO HELP HIM.

HE'S A WOLF.

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

HE'S ONLY DONE
EXACTLY WHAT I SAID HE'D DO ALL ALONG.

VIRGINIA BELIEVES IN HIM

AND I BELIEVE
IN VIRGINIA.

NOTHING YOU CAN SAY
WILL MAKE ME HELP HIM.

YOU WANT TO EAT TONIGHT?

MISS PEEP, WHAT IS
YOUR PROFESSION?

I'M A SHEPHERDESS.

OH, A SHEPHERDESS...

OR TEMPTRESS?

OH, YEAH, TEMPTRESS.
SHE'S A TEMPTRESS.

I'M A GOOD GIRL.

THAT WOLF CAME UP
TO US GIRLS

AND HE KEPT TRYING
TO TOUCH US

AND SHOW US HIS TAIL.

OH, THAT'S A LIE!

THEY PROVOKED ME!

PROVOKED YOU TO WHAT?!

P-P-PROVOKED ME TO NOTHING.

BUT THEY SURE WERE TRYING.

MISS PEEP!

MISS PEEP, I SUGGEST
THAT YOU AND SALLY PEEP WERE

THE EASIEST SHEPHERDESSES
IN TOWN.

( crowd clamoring )

ARE YOU SUGGESTING
THAT AN INNOCENT YOUNG GIRL

FROM THIS VILLAGE
MIGHT KISS A MAN

BEFORE SHE'S MARRIED?

WELL, A BIT MORE
THAN THAT, YOUR HONOR.

OH, YOU TRY MY PATIENCE.

YOU ARE JUST THIS FAR
FROM BEING THROWN ON THE BONFIRE

WITH THAT FILTHY
MURDERING WOLF!

WHAT CAN YOU SMELL?

( sniffing ):
YOUR BODY ODOR.

YOU HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED.

GO ON. SEE WHAT YOU CAN SMELL.

WHY DON'T YOU GET DOWN
ON ALL FOURS

AND SEE WHAT YOU CAN SMELL?

IT'S MAINLY FEET
AND EXCREMENT AT GROUND LEVEL.

HAS THAT OCCURRED TO YOU?

CAN YOU PICK UP A SCENT?

THERE'S HUNDREDS OF SCENTS.

WELL, YES

BUT ONLY A GREAT HUNTING PRINCE
LIKE YOURSELF COULD DISTINGUISH

THAT SPECIAL SCENT
WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

CORRECT.

YOU GOT IT? LET'S GO.

Judge:
HOW WOULD YOU

DESCRIBE SALLY PEEP?

OBJECTION.

SALLY...

VERY CUTE.

SUCCULENT.

NICE GIRL.

A VERY TASTY LITTLE BIRDY

AND NO MISTAKE.

NICE ENOUGH TO EAT?

OH, YES!

WHAT?

NO. NO, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

SHE WAS ASKING FOR IT,
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

SHE WAS BEGGING FOR IT.

I MEAN SHE WAS GAGGING
FOR IT.

NO, NO. I JUST MEANT

THAT SOME OF THESE GIRLS
ARE VERY PROVOCATIVE.

THEY KNOW THAT A WOLF... WELL

IT'S, IT'S LIKE THRUSTING
A STEAK

IN FRONT OF A STARVING MAN.

IS IT, INDEED?

OH, NO, I DIDN'T MEAN
THAT, EITHER.

SEE? I'M TWISTING
EVERYTHING I'M SAYING!

HE'S SUFFERING

FROM POST-MENSTRUAL
TENSION, YOUR HONOR.

WHO'S MENSTRUSENT?

PEN... WHATEVER IT IS?

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE MURDER,
THERE WAS A HENHOUSE HOMICIDE

RESULTING IN THE DEATH
OF TEN CHICKENS.

ANYTHING TO DO
WITH YOU?

NO, SIR.

YOU DIDN'T KILL THOSE CHICKENS?

NO, SIR!

YOU DIDN'T GO NEAR
THE HENHOUSE?

ABSOLUTELY NOT, SIR.

THEN HOW DO YOU
EXPLAIN THIS?

THAT IS A PIECE
OF YOUR SHIRT

RECOVERED FROM INSIDE
THE PEEP'S CHICKEN COOP.

( recalling ):
OH, THE CHICKENS!

LET ME THINK.

YES, YES.

I MIGHT HAVE EATEN
ALL THE CHICKENS.

AND THEN YOU KILLED
SALLY PEEP.

OH, A COUPLE OF DRUMSTICKS
DOESN'T MAKE ME A KILLER.

I HAD CHICKEN FOR DINNER,
I ADMIT IT

BUT I DIDN'T TOUCH NO GIRL,
I SWEAR!

THEN WHY DID YOU LIE?

YES, WHY DID YOU LIE?

BECAUSE IF I SAID YES
TO THE CHICKENS

THEN YOU'RE GOING
TO THINK

I WOLFED DOWN
THE GIRL AS WELL!

THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE THINK.

BUT I DIDN'T DO IT!

I DIDN'T DO IT, VIRGINIA!

OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T.

I DIDN'T DO IT!

Virginia:
OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T DO IT!

OF COURSE, HE DIDN'T DO IT.

BUT IF HE DIDN'T KILL
SALLY PEEP

THEN WHO DID?

Man:
WHO DID?

I HEAR MYSELF ASKING MYSELF...

BECAUSE THE TIME HAS COME
FOR ME TO POINT THE FINGER

AT THE REAL KILLER...

BECAUSE...

BECAUSE LAST NIGHT
THERE WAS ANOTHER MAN

WALKING AROUND
DRESSED AS A WOLF. YES!

THE MAN IN THE WOLF MASK
IS THE REAL KILLER.

AND THAT MURDERING PIECE
OF FILTH IS

THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE
ON THIS WITNESS STAND NOW.

THE HONOR OF PLAYING
THE WOLF IN THE ANNUAL FAIR

HAS ALWAYS GONE TO AN
UNIMPEACHABLE MEMBER

OR OUR SOCIETY.

I DON'T CARE.

BRING THE SLEAZEBAG IN.

LET ME CROSS-EXAMINE HIM

AND I GUARANTEE WE'LL HAVE
OUR MURDERER.

AND WHEN THAT HONOR
WAS BESTOWED ON ME

LAST WEEK, I WAS ONLY
TOO HAPPY TO ACCEPT.

I'M MOST DREADFULLY SORRY,
YOUR HONOR.

THE PEEP'S BARN.

( sniffing )

COME HERE. COME HERE.

I'VE BEEN HERE,
ALL RIGHT?

I KNOW ABOUT THE WELL.

THIS IS WHERE
SHE CAME FROM.

SHE WAS HERE JUST
BEFORE SHE WAS MURDERED.

I CAN SMELL HER HERE.

MEMBERS OF THE JURY,
YOU HAVE HEARD THE EVIDENCE

MOST OF IT QUITE RIDICULOUS.

SOME OF IT.

NOW, THOSE WHO
BELIEVE HIM INNOCENT

ALL GO INTO THE LEFT-HAND PEN.

THOSE WHO KNOW HIM
TO BE GUILTY

GO INTO THE RIGHT-HAND PEN.

THE RIGHT-HAND PEN
IS FULL OF FOOD.

Wolf:
YEAH, IT'S FULL OF FOOD!

( Wolf howling )

THE GYPSY WAS RIGHT!

A GIRL DEAD, A WOLF BURNS.

SO WHAT IF THIS
IS WHERE SALLY CAME FROM?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU EXPECT TO FIND.

THE WELL.

SOMEBODY'S DESTROYED
THE MAGIC WELL.

WHO COULD...

SHH!

I'M GETTING A NEW SCENT.

I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING
IMPORTANT HERE.

BY A UNANIMOUS VERDICT,
I PRONOUNCE YOU GUILTY

OF MURDER MOST HEINOUS.

NO, NO!

I SENTENCE YOU

TO BE BURNED AT THE STAKE.

LET'S DO IT RIGHT AWAY

BEFORE THE MARVELOUS MARROW
CONTEST.

( howls )

IT'S NOT FAIR!

( crowd yelling )

WOLF!

( crowd continues yelling )

I DIDN'T DO IT!
I DIDN'T DO IT!

( Wolf howls )

YOU CANNOT DO THIS.

YOU HAVEN'T GIVEN HIM
A FAIR TRAIL.

VIRGINIA, I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER
ME ALL NICE PLEASE FOREVER.

SEEMS ONLY RIGHT

THAT FAMILY SHOULD
DO IT, WILF.

I'LL BURN HIM.

STOP! STOP!

STOP! STOP!

WOLF DID NOT
KILL SALLY PEEP

AND I CAN PROVE IT!

HE'LL SAY ANYTHING.

DON'T! LISTEN TO ME.

THE PEEP FAMILY
HAS CHEATED YOU FOR YEARS.

THEY HAVE THEIR OWN
MAGIC WELL.

THEY'VE STOPPED
THE REST OF YOU

FROM GETTING
ANY OF THE WATER.

WHEN SALLY PEEP
LOST THE COMPETITION

SHE WRECKED YOUR WELL,
DIDN'T SHE, WILFRED?

YOU FOUND OUT
WHAT SHE DID.

YOU FOLLOWED HER
UP INTO THE FIELD

AND YOU KILLED HER,
DIDN'T YOU?

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WE DON'T HAVE NO MAGIC WELL.

WHY DO THINK THEY'VE WON
THE COMPETITIONS

YEAR AFTER YEAR?

WHY DO THINK
THEIR FOOD TASTES BETTER?

I BELIEVE HIM!

YOU PEEPS HAVE CHEATED US

FOR TOO LONG.

OH, WHERE'S THE PROOF
TO ANY OF THIS?

PROVE THAT I KILLED SALLY.

THAT'S RIGHT.

PROVE IT.

WHERE'S YOUR COAT, WILFRED?

THE ONE YOU WERE WEARING

LAST NIGHT?

( whistles )

THE DOG.

HE'S GOT WILF'S COAT.

BLOOD.

( astonished exclamations )
BLOOD!

IT'S BLOOD.

( all gasp )

POOR SALLY, SHE WASN'T
YELLING "WOLF" AT ALL

WAS SHE, WILFRED?

SHE WAS SCREAMING
YOUR NAME.

WILF...! WILF...!

SHE'D RUINED THE WELL.

DIRTY LITTLE VIXEN.

SHE'D DESTROYED
ALL THE MAGIC.

YOU KILLED OUR SALLY?!

I OUGHT TO KILL YOU!

( crowd shouting and screaming )

Wolf:
MY THREE FRIENDS!

HOW COULD I EVER
THANK YOU ENOUGH?

YOU SAVED MY BACON.

OH, THANKS, OLD CHAP.

OH, I OWE YOU
A VERY BIG BONE.

I'M ACTUALLY DISGUSTED
THAT YOU'RE STILL WITH US.

YOU REPULSE ME.

WHY DID I HAVE
TO SAVE YOUR LIFE?

OH, YES, FROM NOW ON,
WE ARE FRIENDS FOR LIFE.

AND AS FOR YOU--

VIRGINIA,
WHAT A COURTROOM DRAMA.

SO, UM, YOU CURED NOW?

OH, COMPLETELY.

BACK TO MY OLD SELF.

YEAH?

I CAN'T REMEMBER
MUCH ABOUT IT

BUT I DO REMEMBER
THAT YOU AND TONY-BOY

LAID DOWN YOUR
LIVES FOR ME.

IT WAS THE MOST AMAZING THING;
SO DRAMATIC.

WH...?

WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE WAGON?

AND OUR MIRROR?

OH, MY SON JOHN

HE'S JUST TAKEN HIS PIGS
TO MARKET.

LEFT A COUPLE
OF HOURS AGO.

OH, WHICH WAY
AND HOW FAR?

WELL, IT'S NOT A JOURNEY
YOU'D WANT TO MAKE ON FOOT.

BYE-BYE.

BYE-BYE.

DID YOU ENJOY YOUR
STAY AT OUR VILLAGE?

NOT EXACTLY.

WISH I COULD REMEMBER
WHO THAT DOG

REMINDS ME OF.

LET ME MAKE A SUGGESTION:

PRINCE WENDELL, YOUR RULER.

PRINCE WENDELL?

DON'T BE SO DAFT.

( whines )

NO, IT WAS A PUPPY

I ONCE KNEW CALLED MR. FLEAS.

AH, SPLENDID...

MR. FLEAS.

ANTONY,
CAN WE LEAVE THIS VILLAGE?

ONE IDIOT IN OUR GROUP
IS QUITE ENOUGH.

LET'S GO.

AREN'T YOU GOING
TO MAKE A WISH THEN?

WHY DON'T YOU MAKE IT FOR US?

YEAH.

BYE.

( loud splash )

THAT SOUNDS LIKE OUR WELL'S
GETTING SOME WATER BACK IN IT.

OH, JOY!

OH, YAY! OH, YAY!

THE WATER IS BACK ON!

( crowd cheering )

FINALLY, I AM A COMPLETE IDIOT!

Virginia:
"ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS:

"DO YOU FREQUENTLY
CONCEAL YOUR EMOTIONS?

"DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DO
EVERYTHING FOR OTHER PEOPLE

AND THEN RESENT IT?"

"EVERY DAY IN EVERY WAY

I AM BECOMING A NEW
AND BETTER MAN."

I'M ON THE FINAL PAGE OF THE
FINAL CHAPTER OF MY FINAL BOOK.

I NOW TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WOMEN
TOP TO BOTTOM.

I HAVE PERFECTED A TECHNIQUE

OF NOT LOOKING AT
HER ALL THE TIME.

VERY DIFFICULT.

I THINK I'VE SUCCEEDED.

"I AM LISTENING TO MY EMOTIONS
AND I AM AT ONE WITH MYSELF."

HANG ON, I HAVEN'T FINISHED
THAT PAGE YET.

TURN BACK.

I'VE MANAGED TO STOP MY TONGUE
FROM LOLLING

WHEN SHE AROUSES ME.

I'VE TRANSFORMED MYSELF
INTO A NEW MAN

SOON, SHE WILL BE MINE.

( soft harp music playing )

Tony:
WHERE EXACTLY ARE WE?

WE HAVE ENTERED THE
MOST ROMANTIC TOWN

IN THE WHOLE OF
THE NINE KINGDOMS.

THE KISSING TOWN WHERE
EVERYONE FALLS IN LOVE.

TRULY, FATE HAS LED US HERE.

DREAM ON.

YOU'LL SEE.

Tony:
YEAH, WELL, WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THAT.

WE CAME FOR THE MIRROR,
ALL RIGHT?

HELLO, I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FOR YOU ALL DAY.

I CAN SEE LOVE AND FORTUNE
COMING YOUR WAY.

WELL...

WELL, IT'S SLICE
THE FRUITCAKE TIME AGAIN.

DAD.

GREAT ROMANCE, GREAT WEALTH

BEFORE THIS VERY NIGHT IS OUT.

AH, AND WHICH ONE OF US
MAKES THE MONEY?

YOUR AURA IS CLOUDY.

JUST GIVE ME A COUPLE OF COINS.

IT'S THE OLD CLOUDY
AURA BIT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

YOU ARE SUCH A SOFT TOUCH.

YES; SOFT,
SENSUOUS...

CREAMY TOUCH.

NOW, IF YOU LOOK OVER THERE

YOU MIGHT FIND
WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR.

GOOD-BYE.

WAIT... GO GET...

THAT'S THE PIG WAGON.

THE ONE THE
MIRROR WAS IN.

IT WAS, WASN'T IT?

HOW DID SHE KNOW THAT?

YEAH, COME ON.
COME ON.

IS THIS YOURS?

WHERE'S OUR MIRROR?

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOURS,
NOW DID I?

WHERE IS IT?

YOU WOULDN'T WANT
IT NOW, ANYWAY.

IT'S COVERED
IN PIG SWILL.

WHERE IS IT?!

I DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW.

WHAT?

FELLA GAVE ME FIVE COPPERS
FOR IT THIS MORNING.

FIVE COPPERS?

WHAT FELLA?

PASSING THROUGH
WITH A WHEELBARROW

FULL OF BRICKY BRAC.

PROBABLY COME
FOR THE ANTIQUES MARKET.

BRICKY...?

YOU'LL NEVER FIND IT NOW,
ANTONY.

WE'RE NOT...

THIS PLACE
IS FULL OF OLD THINGS.

YOU'D DO BEST
TO SPLIT UP.

YEAH.

SHAME YOU WON'T
HAVE ANY TIME

FOR ROMANCE, THOUGH.

BRICKY BRAC.

BRICKY BRAC.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

YOUR TROUBLE IS THAT
YOU'VE NOT HAD TO DO

A HARD DAYS WORK
YOUR ENTIRE LIFE.

WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW ABOUT
THE SUFFERING OF ROYALTY?

YOU SEEM TO HAVE BEEN SOME KIND
OF CLEANER IN YOUR WORLD.

YEAH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
ALL RIGHT?

NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT CLEANING.

AND I HAD MONEY ONCE,
YOU KNOW THAT?

I WAS RICH.

YOU? RICH?

YES. YES.

I HAD A THRIVING
PLASTICS BUSINESS.

I WAS MAKING 55 GRAND A YEAR
WHEN I WAS 21 YEARS OLD.

OH, SO LET ME GUESS...

YOU LOST IT ALL.

NO, I JUST...

KIND OF OVER-STRETCHED MYSELF.

I PUT ALL MY MONEY INTO AN IDEA
THAT JUST DIDN'T PAN OUT.

AND WHAT WAS THAT?

BOUNCY CASTLES.

WE HAD THE ROBIN
AND MAID MARIAN.

JOLLY JESTER,
THE HAUNTED CASTLE.

YOU KNOW, WE HAD THE COWBOY
AND INDIAN BOUNCER.

ONE OF OUR MOST POPULAR ITEMS.

AND THE ZIGZAG BOUNCE.
OUR MOTTO WAS:

"PUT THE BOUNCE
BACK IN YOUR LIFE."

OH, PLEASE, STOP, ANTONY.

OH, NO.

IT CAN'T BE.

THE TROLLS.

NOT A VERY
ATTRACTIVE WORK

I'LL GRANT YOU

BUT FULL OF VITALITY
AND LIFE.

FROZEN RAGE.

DOES IT TICKLE
YOUR FANCY?

NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.

ACTUALLY, THOUGH

I AM LOOKING FOR A MIRROR.

IT'S ABOUT MY HEIGHT, BLACK...

I SEEM TO REMEMBER
A JOB LOT OF JUNK.

IT'S IN THERE.

WOLF, DO YOU
REALLY THINK

WE'RE GOING TO FIND
THE MIRROR HERE?

I THINK WE SHOULD
GET BACK TO TOWN.

REMEMBER THE STORY
OF SNOW WHITE

WHEN SHE SWALLOWED
THE POISON APPLE

AND EVERYONE THOUGHT
SHE WAS DEAD?

THE SEVEN DWARFS,
THEY BROUGHT HER HERE

AND PUT HER
IN A GLASS COFFIN...

HERE?

IN HOPES SOMEONE MIGHT
BRING HER BACK TO LIFE.

IN THIS TOWN?

TO THE TOP
OF THIS VERY HILL.

PRINCE'S GRANDMOTHER.

Virginia:
OH, MY GOD. LOOK.

IS THIS THE REAL
GLASS COFFIN?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

I JUST--
I JUST FEEL SO GOOD.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

YOU REALLY DO.

EVERYONE DOES IN
THE KISSING TOWN.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

THAT'S IT.

THAT'S IT! THAT'S IT!

PSST...

DON'T ATTRACT ATTENTION.

LOOK AT THAT.

"10 TO 15 GOLD COINS."

IT'S PRICED REALLY LOW.

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT IT IS.

DON'T TURN IT ON IN HERE,
YOU MORON.

EVERYONE WILL SEE.

HMM...

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH, WHAT? THIS?

OH... I WOULDN'T EVEN
WASTE MY TIME.

JUST A PIECE OF JUNK.

AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT
WAS A REPRODUCTION.

LATE NAKED EMPEROR
AT BEST.

BUT, I THINK IT'S
OLDER THAN THAT.

QUITE A LOT OLDER.

MAYBE EVEN EARLY
CINDERELLAN.

AND QUITE A LOT
MORE SPECIAL.

RIGHT, SO, MISSY WHITE
IS LYING HERE FOR YEARS

AND EVERYONE THINKS
SHE'S DEAD.

CLOSE YOUR EYES.

SLOW DOWN YOUR BREATHING

SO YOUR CHEST IS ALMOST
NOT MOVING AT ALL.

THAT'S NICE.

AND ALL THESE-- THESE HANDSOME
CHAPS COME ALONG

AND TRY TO BRING HER AROUND

BUT NONE OF THEM
WERE GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

HMM.

AND THEN ONE DAY

THIS DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS PRINCE
COMES PAST

AND HE STOPS, THINKS...

OH, WHAT A QUIRKY GIRL.

WHAT A SWEETIE PIE.

BUT SHE'S FROZEN... COLD.

SHE RESISTS HIS EVERY CALL
WITH HER FROZEN COUNTENANCE

AND HE REALIZES

THAT THE ONLY WAY
HE CAN MELT THIS ICE QUEEN

IS TO MASSAGE THE LIFE
BACK INTO HER SOFT, CREAMY LIPS

WITH A KISS.

Tony:
HEY! HEY!

WOULD YOU TWO STOP
CLOWNING AROUND!

I FOUND THE MIRROR.

COME ON.

IT WAS RIGHT HERE;
IT'S GONE.

HEY, WAIT!

HEY... THE MIRROR
THAT WAS HERE

WHERE IS IT?

OH, YOU MEAN
THE MAGIC MIRROR?

WHAT A FIND.

WE'RE ALL TREMENDOUSLY
EXCITED ABOUT IT.

IT'S IN THERE.

NOW IT'S 5,000?

WE'LL NEVER RAISE THAT.

Wendell:
OH, ANTHONY, THIS IS THE MOST TERRIBLE MESS.

LOOK AT THAT--
"WENDELL'S DISGRACE."

THEY'RE CANCELING MY CORONATION

AND ALL YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT IS

FINDING 5,000 WENDELLS

TO GET YOUR STUPID
MIRROR BACK.

HOW MANY WE GOT
ALTOGETHER?

EXACTLY 30
GOLD WENDELLS.

( sighs )

HOW ARE WE GOING
TO CHANGE 30 COINS INTO 5,000

BY TOMORROW MORNING?

GIVE THEM TO ME.

COME ON, COME ON,
COME ON.

COME ON,
I GOT AN IDEA.

COME ON.

I HOPE THIS IS GOING TO GET
MY CORONATION BACK ON AGAIN.

Tony:
TRUST ME. TRUST ME.

THIS IS ONE OF MY BEST IDEAS.

HERE, HERE, HERE.
HERE'S THE PLACE.

MAY I REMIND YOU
THAT ALL YOUR IDEAS

HAVE SO FAR RESULTED
IN TOTAL FAILURE.

LOOK, HERE WE'VE GOT TEN COINS
APIECE, ALL RIGHT?

NOW, ONE OF US HAS TO WIN
A FORTUNE BY DAYBREAK.

THERE, THERE, THERE.
THANK YOU.

AND I MADE
SOMETHING FOR PRINCE.

OH, NO, NO.
TELL HER I REFUSE.

HE SAYS HE LOVES IT.
IT'S SO HUMILIATING.

Virginia:
EVERY LITTLE BIT HELPS.

WE FOUND HIM
LIKE THIS FIVE MINUTES AGO.

NOW HE WON'T
COME DOWN.

KEEP AWAY FROM ME,
OR I'LL JUMP!

I'LL JUST JUMP

AND THEN YOU'LL
BE SORRY.

HA, HA, HA,
THAT'LL SPOIL YOUR PLANS.

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU WANTED
TO GET OFF YOUR CHEST?

I REFUSE TO BE A MAN.

I WON'T DO IT
ANY LONGER.

I INSIST ON BEING
A DOG.

( panting )

WELL, ANY PARTICULAR REASON?

WELL, HOW CAN I STROKE MYSELF?

AH.

HOW CAN I MISS MYSELF
LIKE I MISS MY MASTER?

I DEMAND TO BE

A HAPPY PUPPY!

WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!

( panting )

WELL, YOU'VE CERTAINLY MADE
YOUR POINT.

NOW, PLEASE

ALLOW ME TO MAKE MINE.

( coughing )

THERE ARE NO MASTERS HERE!

AND ONLY ONE MISTRESS.

DON'T FORGET THAT, DOGGY.

I BOOKED YOU A RIDING LESSON.

OH, DEAR.

( crying )

PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

EXCUSE ME, MISS.

WHAT'S THE HIGHEST
RETURN POSSIBLE ON ONE GOLD WENDELL BET?

WELL, SIR,
YOU'D WANT TO BET

ON THE GRAND
JACKRABBIT JACKPOT.

10,000-TO-ONE ODDS.
OH, YEAH...

BUT IT'S ONLY
EVER BEEN WON ONCE.

THAT'S THE GAME FOR ME.

I'LL RAISE YOU... 20.

I SNEER AT YOUR 20.

RAISE YOU 50.

PLACE YOUR BETS.

PLACE YOUR BETS.

WOLF WILL WIN THE JACKPOT

AND THEN VIRGINIA WILL LOVE HIM
EVEN MORE.

BUT IF WOLF WINS, THEN VIRGINIA
GETS THE MIRROR...

AND THEN VIRGINIA GOES HOME.

OH, CRIPES!

160.

BAD LUCK, SIR.

( relieved sigh )

THANK YOU. TICKIE-POO.

ANOTHER.

CALL IT.

HAVE YOU GOT...

MR. BUN THE BAKER MAN?

( chuckling )

READ 'EM AND WEEP.
OH, POOR BABY.

LOOK AT MY HAPPY FAMILIES!

( sniffing )

DOGS DON'T
LIKE HORSES.

BUT PRINCES DO.

UP YOU GET.

COME ON,
UP YOU GET.

HERE WE GO.
( whimpers )

THAT'S IT,
NICELY.

TAKE IT EASY NOW.

UP YOU GET!

( horse neighing )

OFF YOU GO.

THERE WE ARE.
THERE WE ARE.

( whimpering )

THE HORSE ISN'T
GOING TO MOVE

UNLESS YOU GIVE HIM
A COMMAND.

HIT HIM.

( taps )

( shrieks )

( exasperated sigh )

HA!

( horse whinnying )

HELP ME!

SOMEBODY HELP ME, PLEASE!

AAH! STOP, HORSEY!

SLOW DOWN!

YOUR MAJESTY...

THE PRINCE HAS ESCAPED.

( footsteps running off )

( sighs )

IT'S GONE WRONG.

IT'S ALL GONE WRONG.

ALL MY GREAT PLAN.

COME TO ME.

COME TO ME...
AND YOUR MIND WILL CLEAR.

YOUR MAJESTY.

I CRAVE YOUR GUIDANCE.

THE TROLL KING IS
OUT OF CONTROL

THE DOG IS STILL MISSING

AND THE PRINCE HAS ESCAPED.

PLEASE, I NEED YOUR HELP.

KILL THE TROLL KING.

BUT HOW?

HE IS SO STRONG.

HE HAS AN ARMY TO PROTECT HIM.

HOW DID I KILL SNOW WHITE?

THE OLD WAYS ARE
THE BEST.

( cackling )

( galloping horse approaching )

( horse neighing )

WHOA!

( grunts )

MOM! MOM!

MOM, MOM!

WHAT IS IT?

COME SEE, MOM.

SEE WHAT?

THERE'S A MAN
WITH OUR ROVER.

THERE'S A MAN?

Girl:
LOOK.

Woman:
FRUIT OF THE FOREST!

IT'S HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS.

( growls )

( growling )

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE
AS HAPPY TO LOSE AS YOU, SIR.

WELL, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
IN LOVE, MISS?

JUST THE ONCE, SIR.

TO A KNIGHT.

BUT HE WAS MARRIED.

TOO BAD.

( alarm ringing and whistling )

OH, MY GOODNESS!

YOU'VE WON
THE JACKRABBIT JACKPOT.

OH, NO...

CONGRATULATIONS, SIR.
10,000 GOLD COINS.

IF YOU'D LIKE GO
TO THE CASH DESK

YOU CAN PICK UP
YOUR WINNINGS.

STOP PRESSURING ME!

THAT'S IT,
I'VE LOST EVERYTHING.

HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I, UH, WELL, YOU KNOW.

UH, HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I JUST SAID
I LOST EVERYTHING.

YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.

UH, ME, TOO.

LET'S GET SOME FRESH AIR.

LOVELY BALCONY.

THERE'S FRESH AIR
OUT HERE.

( groans )

I'M NEVER GOING TO
BE ABLE TO GET HOME.

I'M GOING TO BE STUCK HERE
FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

I SHOULD FEEL TERRIBLE.

BUT...

IS IT THIS
PLACE, OR...?

VIRGINIA, I CAN'T CONCEAL IT
FROM YOU ANY LONGER.

SOMETHING HAS
JUST HAPPENED TO ME.

ME, TOO.
I JUST...

YES?

TELL ME
IT'S JUST THIS TOWN.

WELL, IT IS A
MAGIC LOVE TOWN.

THE FLOWERS ONLY GROW
WHERE THERE'S SEEDS

AND FIREWORKS ONLY HAPPEN

WHERE THERE'S STUFF
IN THE ROCKETS ALREADY.

MAYBE THERE IS DESTINY.

OH...
THERE MOST CERTAINLY IS.

MAYBE I REALLY AM
SUPPOSED TO BE WITH YOU.

OH, YOU MOST
CERTAINLY ARE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD SEE
HOW DAD'S GETTING ON.

Woman:
PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.

( Tony chuckling )

AND MRS. BONE
THE BUTCHER'S WIFE

MAKES ANOTHER COMPLETE SET.

WELL DONE, DAD.

HEY, YEAH, I'M UP OVER 600 HERE.

600...
YEAH, BUT THAT'S NOT ENOUGH.

I'M NOT GOING BREAK THE BANK
PLAYING HAPPY FAMILIES.

I'VE GOT TO GET OVER
TO THE HIGH ROLLER TABLE.

WHAT ARE THEY PLAYING
OVER THERE?

I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T CARE.

THERE'S NO CARD GAME THAT SCARES
ME, ALL RIGHT?

REMEMBER, WE SPENT THAT WEEK
IN VEGAS IN '93?

OH, YEAH, WHEN WE HAD
TO SELL THE CAR?

UH, NO, IT WAS THE YEAR
BEFORE THAT.

DO ME A FAVOR, GET ME A BUCKET
FOR THESE CHIPS OVER THERE.

EXCUSE ME, SIR...

WE'RE STILL WAITING
FOR YOU TO COLLECT YOUR WINNINGS.

SHH! SHH!

YES, OKAY, OKAY.

THEY SAY MONEY
DOESN'T BRING YOU HAPPINESS

BUT IT CERTAINLY
BRINGS A SMILE TO MY FACE.

I WISH I COULD SAY
THE SAME.

10,000 GOLD WENDELLS.

WOULD YOU LIKE
TO CHECK IT, SIR?

THANKS, BYE.

BRAVO!

( all applauding )

SHH! STOP, STOP CLAPPING.

Queen:
WOLF, SPEAK TO ME.

SHE'S BACK.

I KNOW YOU'RE THERE.

OH...

WHY IS IT
I CAN SEE YOU

AND NEVER YOUR
COMPANIONS?

WHO IS IT THAT
PROTECTS THEM?

I DON'T KNOW NOTHING.

HAS THIS GIRL GOT YOU
UNDER HER THUMB?

THAT'S PATHETIC.

IF YOU KILLED HER
WHEN I TOLD YOU

ALL THIS WOULD BE OVER.

GO AWAY. SHOO!

THIS GAME IS NEARLY PLAYED OUT.

AND YOU ARE
PART OF MY PLAN.

YOU ALWAYS HAVE BEEN.

NO... NO, I'M NOT LISTENING
TO YOU.

NEVER!

( humming )

I KNOW YOUR DESTINY.

YOU ASK A QUESTION

AND DIE BEFORE IT'S ANSWERED.

WHO ARE YOU?

( man screaming in distance )

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO?

I'LL GIVE HER THE MONEY,
EVEN IF IT MEANS I'LL LOSE HER.

IT'S THE ONLY HONORABLE THING
TO DO.

YES, THEN SHE COULD GO HOME
SAFELY

AND THE QUEEN WILL NOT
GET TO HER.

YOU'LL HAVE TO KILL YOURSELF
THE MOMENT SHE'S GONE.

YOUR LIFE WON'T BE
WORTH LIVING.

WON'T IT?

OF COURSE NOT...
WAIT A MINUTE, THOUGH.

SHE MAY BE LEAVING

BUT THAT'S NO REASON
NOT TO GO FOR IT ANYWAY.

PROPOSE MARRIAGE.

GIVE HER ENOUGH MONEY
TO BUY THE MIRROR

BUT SPEND THE REST
ON PRESENTS

FOR A MARRIAGE PROPOSAL!

GOOD IDEA.
THEN IT'S ALL FAIR.

THEN SHE HAS A CHOICE--
HOME OR ME.

THANKS.

DON'T MENTION IT.

SNAP!

( grunts )

THE STAKE IS INCREASING
TO 500 GOLD WENDELLS A HAND.

TOO HEAVY FOR ME.

BYE-BYE NOW.
YOU COME BACK REAL SOON

WHEN YOU GOT MORE MONEY, OKAY?

( chuckling )

( knocking )

IS THIS THE BEST
RESTAURANT IN TOWN?

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS? GO AWAY.

NO, I WISH TO MAKE
A RESERVATION.

I NEED THE ENTIRE
RESTAURANT.

IT'S FOR A MARRIAGE
PROPOSAL.

OH!

( panting )

NOW, YOU'RE GOING
TO HAVE TO START WORK IMMEDIATELY.

THE DISHES I HAVE
IN MIND WILL NEED OBSESSIVE ATTENTION

AND A GREAT DEAL OF
MARINATING AND PREPARING.

NOW, I WANT ROMANTIC FOOD

FOOD THAT WILL SWEEP HER
OFF HER FEET

BUT ALSO GLUE HER
TO HER SEAT.

I WANT HER TO FEEL
AS IF SHE'S HAD A MEAL THAT HAS CHANGED HER LIFE.

THIS MUST BE THE FINEST MEAL
EVER COOKED.

I AM THE GREATEST CHEF
IN THE NINE KINGDOMS.

FOLKS TRAVEL HUNDREDS OF MILES
JUST TO EAT MY FOOD.

YEAH, WELL,
MY DATE'S FROM

A DIFFERENT DIMENSION
SO DON'T SLIP UP.

( whimpers )

THAT'S 13 MAIN COURSES!

TOO MUCH?

WELL, NOT IF
YOU'RE REALLY HUNGRY, I GUESS.

HOW MANY OTHER GUESTS?

JUST THE TWO OF US.
TWO?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GOING TO SAY 20.

THIS IS FAR TOO MUCH
FOOD FOR TWO PEOPLE.

OH! YOU'RE RIGHT!

SKIP THE SOUP.

I HAVE FOUND HIM.

YES...

I KNOW THE PLACE.

IT'S ABOUT 30 MILES FROM HERE.

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP.

NOW, GET ME THE TROLL KING.

HE WILL NOT SPEAK TO US.

TELL HIM HIS CHILDREN ARE DEAD.

DEAD?

DEAD?!

THEY ARE DEAD UNLESS YOU AGREE
TO MEET ME FOR TALKS.

( grunts )

YOU EVIL PIG!

MEET ME AT
THE MERRYPIPS' APPLE ORCHARD.

COME ALONE AND UNARMED
OR I WILL SLIT THEIR THROATS.

SNAP!

( chortling )

I STILL HAVE TONS AND TONS
OF MONEY LEFT.

I'LL GIVE THE REST TO VIRGINIA

AND THEN SHE CAN STILL BUY
THE MIRROR.

( gasping ):
CRIPES!

YOU FOOL!

I ALMOST FORGOT
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

OH...

EXCUSE ME.
I WOULD LIKE TO BUY...

JUST ONE MOMENT,
PLEASE, SIR.

MORNING DUTIES.

WELL, I'M IN A REAL HURRY.
I NEED TO BUY...

IF YOU PLEASE, SIR.
I WON'T KEEP YOU.

OKAY.

OOH, I LIKE THAT ONE.

( gasps )

OOH! THAT'S A NICE ONE.

( cuckoo clocks cuckooing
simultaneously )

OOH.

NICE CLOCKS.

AH, YEAH.

NOW, SIR,
WAS THERE SOMETHING I...

( clock cuckoos )

WHAT? I HAVE MONEY.

( grunting )

( child crying )

( gunshot )

OH...

VERY GOOD MORNING
TO YOU, SIR.

HOW MAY I SERVE YOU?

I NEED AN ENGAGEMENT RING,
AND NOT JUST ANY ORDINARY RING.

WE DON'T SELL ORDINARY
RINGS, SIR.

OH.

TELL ME A LITTLE ABOUT THE LADY.

IS SHE, UM... A BIG GIRL?

NO.

SUCCULENTLY SLENDER. LEAN.

PLAIN OR PRETTY?

OH... SHE'S GORGEOUS.

ARE YOU TRYING TO INSULT ME?

OH, MOST ASSUREDLY NOT, SIR.

I AM SIMPLY TRYING TO FIT
THE RING TO THE LADY.

SOME RINGS MIGHT...

OVERWHELM A LADY.

NO RING IS MORE BEAUTIFUL
THAN MY VIRGINIA.

OH, SIR...

HOW ROMANTIC.

SHE SOUNDS LIKE A GIRL
IN A MILLION.

TEN MILLION,
A HUNDRED MILLION.

THEN, I SHOULDN'T INSULT YOU
BY SHOWING YOU

THESE EVERYDAY GOLD AND DIAMOND
ENGAGEMENT RINGS.

( derisively ):
GOLD AND DIAMOND.

OR EVEN THESE...

HANDMADE BY ROYAL DWARVES.

ROYAL DWARVES?

FEAST YOUR EYES INSTEAD
ON THESE.

CHOOSE ME.

CHOOSE ME.
CHOOSE ME.

CHOOSE ME.
CHOOSE ME.

( gasps )

CHOOSE ME.

CHOOSE ME.

CHOOSE ME, CHOOSE ME,
CHOOSE ME.

I DON'T WISH
TO BE INDELICATE, SIR

BUT THESE RINGS ARE
DISGRACEFULLY EXPENSIVE.

OH, MONEY IS NO OBJECT.

YOU'RE MY KIND
OF GENTLEMAN, SIR.

OH, THOSE ARE VERY NICE.

OH, NO. NO, NO, SIR.

I HAVE SOMETHING UNIQUE
IN MIND FOR YOU.

( gasps )

? HOW I LONG TO LINGER

? ON YOUR SWEETHEART'S FINGER

IT IS...

A SINGING RING, SIR.

HUFF PUFF...

A SINGING RING.

I HAVE TO HAVE IT.

THE LADY WHO SLIPS THIS
UPON HER FINGER

WILL HAVE NO CHOICE.

SHE WILL SIMPLY SAY, "I DO."

ARE YOU SURE?

NO SINGING RING
HAS EVER RECEIVED A REJECTION.

EVER?

IT COMES

WITH A LIFETIME LOVE GUARANTEE.

( gasping )

I'LL TAKE IT.

IT'S YOURS...

FOR THE PALTRY SUM
OF 7,000 GOLD WENDELLS.

SEVEN THOUSAND?

OH! SEVEN THOUSAND!

OH... SEVEN THOUSAND...

IS THERE
A PROBLEM, SIR?

THERE ARE MORE MODEST RINGS
FOR LESS IMPORTANT LADIES.

NO, NO, NO! I...

I'LL TAKE IT.

ONE MORE FOR THE POT, DEARIE?

Virginia:
WE'VE WON OVER 4,000; WE CAN STOP NOW.

ARE WE SURE 4,000
WILL BE ENOUGH?

ONE MORE FOR
THE WHOLE THING.

NO, NO, NO, NO!
DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!

YOU'VE BEEN PLAYING ALL NIGHT;
YOU'RE TOO TIRED.

NO, NO, ONE MORE
FOR THE WHOLE SHEBANG.

LISTEN, I CAN TAKE HER.

? I WILL LOVE AND CHUCKLE

( chuckles )

? ON YOUR GIRLIE'S KNUCKLE

OH, THIS IS GOING TO BE
THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

? I WILL NEVER FIDGET

? JAMMED UPON HER DIGIT.

SHH, SHH, SHH!
YOU'LL SPOIL THE SURPRISE!

BE QUIET!

? I'LL BE SWEET AND FRESH

? WRAPPED AROUND HER FLESH.

WRAPPED AROUND MY ( gasps ).

OH, GOODNESS!

OH, DEAR! OH, DEAR.

OH...

I HOPE TONY'S DONE WELL.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I JUST POPPED OUT
FOR A WALK.

HOW'S HE DOING?

MMM...

SNAP!
SNAP!

( low laughter )

SORRY, DEARIE.

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME.

WELL, YOU CERTAINLY
HAVE BEEN LUCKY FOR ME.

SO, A DEAL'S A DEAL.

I'LL EXPECT YOU
WANT A BISCUIT

MORE THAN YOU WANT
THIS MONEY, THOUGH.

PRINCE?

ROYALTY ALWAYS EXCEL
AT GAMBLING.

WHAT ARE YOU
LOOKING AT?

HADN'T WE BETTER BE GOING
TO THE AUCTION?

OH, THE AUCTION, THE AUCTION!

AND THAT BRINGS US TO LOT SEVEN

A MYSTERY MIRROR THAT HAS BEEN
DATED EARLY CINDERELLAN

WITH POTENTIAL MAGIC QUALITIES.

WHO WILL START THE BIDDING
FOR THIS EXTRAORDINARY PIECE?

ONE HUNDRED.

TWO HUNDRED.

EMERGENCY! EMERGENCY!
COMING THROUGH!

EXCUSE US, EXCUSE US.
SORRY, SORRY.

( gasps )

OH!

WHAT...?

Woman:
SLICED HIM FOR HIS MONEY.

Man:
MOVE YOU ALONG.

JUST A DEAD ELF.

GO HOME.

WINGS AIN'T
FLAPPIN' ANYMORE.

Auctioneer:
FOR THE FINAL TIME

I AM BID 3,800 GOLD PIECES.

ANY ADVANCE?

GOING ONCE, GOING TWICE.

FIVE! FIVE THOUSAND!

FIVE THOUSAND?

YES.

WILL ANYONE INCREASE
ON 5,000 GOLD WENDELLS?

FIVE THOUSAND.

GOING ONCE...

GOING TWICE...

TEN THOUSAND.

OH, MY GOD, IT'S HIM!

OH, GOD, HOW DID HE GET
10,000?

ANY ADVANCE FROM...

10,000?

SOLD

TO THE GENTLEMAN
WITH THE PIPE.

YOUR NAME, SIR.

MR. HUNTER.

I'LL PAY IMMEDIATELY.

HE'S GOT THE ELF'S CANE.

THAT'S HOW HE GOT THE MONEY--
HE KILLED THE ELF.

WELL, COME ON,
WE CAN'T JUST STAND AROUND.

THAT BRINGS US TO THE NEXT ITEM
IN THE AUCTION

WHICH IS A REMARKABLE...

ONLY PURCHASERS ALLOWED IN HERE.

UH...

COME ON.

...22-KARAT GOLD,
ENTITLED "FROZEN RAGE."

WHY ARE WE HERE SO
EARLY, YOUR MAJESTY?

WE'RE NOT MEETING
THE QUEEN FOR ANOTHER HOUR.

SHUT UP.

WHEN SHE ARRIVES,
SHE MUST ONLY SEE ME UNARMED

OR SHE WILL NOT ADVANCE,
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YES, YOUR MAJESTY.

Mrs. Merrypip:
THERE'S NO NEED

TO GNAW BONES,
YOUR HIGHNESS.

WE'VE GOT LOVELY FOOD
IN THE LARDER.

MARROWBONE.

MMM...

YOUR HIGHNESS MIGHT THINK
THIS A BIT PRESUMPTUOUS-LIKE

BUT COULD WE SAY OUR CIDER'S
BY ROYAL APPOINTMENT NOW?

OH, MY GOD!

IT'S LIKE A
BEDTIME STORY.

FIRST OF ALL, WE'VE
GOT PRINCE CHARMING, AND NOW WE'VE GOT...

DO BE QUIET, PLEASE.

YOU SEEM LIKE A NICE FAMILY.

WHAT HAS THE PRINCE TOLD YOU?

HE'S TOLD US EVERYTHING.

ALL ABOUT REALLY BEING
A DOG AND EVERYTHING.

IT'S AMAZING.

OH, DEAR...

THAT REALLY WAS
THE WRONG ANSWER.

I AM ALONE...

AND UNARMED.

AS AM I.

I HAVE DONE WHAT
YOU'VE ASKED.

NOW, WHERE ARE
MY CHILDREN?

TO BE QUITE HONEST,
I HAVE NO IDEA.

I SIMPLY USED THEM AS AN EXCUSE
TO GET YOU TO MEET ME.

THEN I WILL KILL YOU.

DON'T YOU WISH TO KNOW
MY GREAT PLAN FIRST?

I HAVE KNOWN OF YOUR PLAN
ALL ALONG--

TO PUT THE IMPOSTOR PRINCE
ON THE THRONE

AND RULE THE FOURTH KINGDOM
YOURSELF.

DO YOU THINK I SPENT SEVEN YEARS
ROTTING IN JAIL JUST TO RULE ONE

OF THE NINE KINGDOMS?

I INTEND TO HAVE THEM ALL.

BUT WHERE DO I FIT IN?

YES, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.

I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH.

TROLLS...

ARISE!

( roaring )

YOU DIDN'T EXPECT THAT,
DID YOU?

MY MEN HAVE BEEN HIDING
FOR THE LAST HOUR.

I'M IMPRESSED AT YOUR FORESIGHT.

AND HAD YOU ARRIVED
TWO HOURS EARLIER

YOU WOULD HAVE FOUND ME...

( groaning )

POISONING THE APPLES.

( all groaning )

POISON IS
SOMETHING

OF A SCIENCE WITH ME,
AND I SEEMED TO HAVE TIMED IT JUST RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
RELISH...

AN ARMY MARCHES ON ITS STOMACH.

( sighs )

ARE YOU GOING TO BEAT ME?

NO, I'M GOING TO TAKE YOU HOME.

OH, EXCELLENT.

( sniffing )

IS THIS BREAKFAST?

NOT UNLESS YOU ENJOY
TROLL HEAD.

DRIVE ON!

( whip cracks )

( horses neighing )

I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT.

HE JUST VANISHED.

AND WHAT IS YOUR PLAN NOW,
ANTHONY?

GET DRUNK.

BARMAN, BOTTLE OF BEER.

SAUCER OF BEER
FOR MY FRIEND.

WE ONLY SERVE COCKTAILS, SIR.

CUPID'S FIRST BLUSH...

SOME ENCHANTED EVENING...

A LONG, SLOW SPELL
AGAINST THE WALL.

Wolf:
HELLO, BOYS.

HAS ANYONE
SEEN VIRGINIA?

SHE'LL BE DOWN
IN A FEW MINUTES.

A FEW MINUTES.

Wendell:
ANTHONY, LISTEN TO ME--

ON NO CONDITION
ALLOW THIS WOLF ALONE

WITH YOUR DAUGHTER TONIGHT.

WHY NOT?

YOU NEED TO ASK?
THINK WHERE YOU ARE:

THE LOVE CAPITAL
OF THE KINGDOMS.

SHE WILL COME BACK
COMPLETELY DISHEVELED.

BOY, I'M RAVENOUS!

I'VE BEEN FASTING ALL DAY.

I COULD EAT A REGIMENT
OF HORSES.

YOU KNOW...

I NEED TO HAVE A FEW WORDS
WITH YOU.

ABOUT WHAT, TONE?

I THINK YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

( sighs )

IS IT YOUR HAIR?

I KNOW, IT'S FALLING OUT...

NOT MY HAIR...

MY DAUGHTER.

YOUR DAUGHTER?
YES.

I NEED TO KNOW
IF YOUR...

INTENTIONS ARE HONORABLE.

NO, NOT REALLY.

NO?!

I CAN'T DENY IT.

THEY'RE BORDERING,
HOVERING, TEETERING

ON THE DISHONORABLE.

HE'LL HAVE HER
ON HER BACK

BEFORE YOU CAN SAY,
"HAPPY EVER AFTER."

NOW, YOU LOOK HERE--

VIRGINIA IS A VERY
VULNERABLE GIRL

AND SHE'S
VERY SENSITIVE... OH, VIRGINIA! HI!

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL.

OH! ARE YOU READY?

YOU KNOW, WOLF, I...

WHAT?

I DON'T FEEL
LIKE GOING.

( gasps )

OH, NO! NO!

IT'S ALL
PLANNED.

JUST...
I'M NOT... HUNGRY.

NO! I'VE GONE TO
A LOT OF TROUBLE

CREATING THIS, UH...

SPONTANEOUS
EVENING.

WELL...

OKAY, WE WON'T BE LONG.

DON'T WORRY, TONY.

YOUR DAUGHTER'S
SAFE IN MY HANDS.

YOU'RE KISSING THAT GIRL'S
VIRGINITY GOOD-BYE, ANTHONY.

Virginia:
WHOA...

( both laughing )

OH, MY GOD.

? YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST MAN
IN THE LAND... ?

BUT I KNOW.

? 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT THE SINGING
RING IN YOUR HAND. ?

( shushing ):
YOU'LL SPOIL THE SURPRISE.

WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?

NOBODY.

TO THE RESTAURANT, DRIVER.

AND DRIVE AS ROMANTICALLY
AS YOU CAN.

( romantic music plays )

WHERE'S THAT MUSIC
COMING FROM?

DO YOU LIKE IT?

IT'S A TUNE, I...

I HAD IT ESPECIALLY
COMPOSED FOR YOU.

IT'S CALLED "A TIME
FOR COMMITMENT."

Anthony:
I HAD...

A PERFECTLY GOOD BUSINESS.

I JUST EXPANDED TOO SOON.

( heavy sigh )

AND THEN THE RECESSION HIT ME

AND I, WELL, I JUST
LOST EVERYTHING.

MY BUSINESS, MY...

MY WIFE, MY SELF-RESPECT...

HERE'S TO TONY LEWIS

THE BIGGEST FAILURE
IN ALL THE TEN KINGDOMS.

NO, ANTHONY, MY FAILURE
IS MUCH WORSE THAN YOURS.

THIS HAS BEEN
A TEST OF KINGHOOD

AND I HAVE FAILED DISMALLY.

OH, COME ON.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT YOU
GOT TURNED INTO A DOG.

THAT COULD HAPPEN
TO ANYBODY!

ANTHONY, I'M... I'M...

I'M STARTING
TO FORGET THINGS, LIKE...

LIKE... LIKE
MY PARENTS' NAMES

AND... AND...

GREAT BIG CHUNKS
OF MY LIFE-- IT'S...

( hiccuping )

IT'S LIKE...

IT'S LIKE SOMEONE'S
STEALING MY LIFE FROM ME.

MESSAGE FOR YOU, SIR.

UH...

"TAKE THE DOG
AND TIE HIM TO THE POST

"IN THE CENTRE
OF THE TOWN SQUARE...

"IF YOU HAVE NOT DONE
THIS IN FIFTEEN MINUTES

I WILL SMASH THE MIRROR
INTO A HUNDRED THOUSAND PIECES." WHAT...?

IT'S HIM. WHERE DID YOU
GET THIS FROM?

IT WAS GIVEN
TO THE DOORMAN, SIR.

THE HUNTSMAN.

HOW DID HE KNOW
WE WERE HERE?

WHERE ARE... WHAT ARE
WE GOING TO DO NOW?

WITHOUT A DOUBT, YOU ARE
THE MOST QUIRKY GIRL

IN THE WHOLE OF
THE NINE KINGDOMS.

( laughs )

I BET YOU SAY THAT
TO ALL YOUR GIRLFRIENDS.

YOU ARE MY FIRST
GIRLFRIEND.

WHAT?!

NO! FIRST AS IN...

FIRST EVER?

OH, YES.

A WOLF MATES
FOR LIFE.

AM I NOT YOUR
FIRST BOYFRIEND?

( laughing )

OH, GOD, I'VE BEEN OUT
WITH LOADS OF GUYS.

OH.

OH, BUT...

OH, NOTHING SERIOUS.

I...

I HAVE A HARD TIME...

TRUSTING PEOPLE.

I JUST NEVER
WANT TO...

JUMP UNLESS...

I'M SURE SOMEBODY'S GOING
TO CATCH ME.

OH, I'LL CATCH YOU.

AND IF I MISS FOR ANY REASON,
I'LL SIT BY YOUR BEDSIDE

AND NURSE YOU
BACK TO HEALTH.

CRIPES.

I JUST CAN'T LET YOU DO THIS.

I MEAN, WHAT IF HE PUTS AN ARROW
THROUGH BOTH OF US?

WE COULD BE WALKING
RIGHT INTO A TRAP.

JOY!

JOY!

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.

THE SQUARE.

HE'S GOING TO WANT
TO BE ABLE

TO SEE ME LEAVING YOU
IN THE SQUARE.

SO...?

SO HE'D WANT A CLEAR VIEW.

WHICH MEANS HE'S PROBABLY
WATCHING FROM SOMEWHERE...

Wendell:
SOMEWHERE HIGH?

Tony:
YEAH, SOMEWHERE WHERE HE COULD...

THAT TOWER.
THAT'S IT.

THAT'S WHERE THE MIRROR WILL BE.

DON'T LOOK UP.

JUST, UM...

PRETEND TO STRUGGLE.

COME ON.

OH, MY GOD!

WHAT AN INCREDIBLE
EVENING.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THIS IS GOING TO COST

AN ABSOLUTE
FORTUNE.

I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU.

A VERY
SPECIAL PRESENT.

OH!

? YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST GIRL
IN THE LAND ?

? 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING PLANNED ?

JUST DO A LOOSE KNOT.
I'LL BE FASTER THAN HIM.

ALL RIGHT

WHERE WILL YOU GO?
WHAT IF I DON'T SEE YOU AGAIN?

OH, YOU WILL.

ALL RIGHT.

GOOD LUCK,
YOUR MAJESTY.

( barking )

HOW HAVE YOU PAID
FOR ALL OF THIS?

WHAT?

HOW HAVE YOU PAID
FOR ALL OF THIS?

UM...

OH! YES!

I WON THE JACKRABBIT JACKPOT
LAST NIGHT.

LAST NIGHT?

MM-HMM.

YOU SAID YOU LOST EVERYTHING
LAST NIGHT.

DID I?

UM... OH, WELL, I...

I DID WIN SOME.

YOU SAID YOU LOST EVERYTHING.

I KNOW, BUT LOOK
WHAT I BOUGHT YOU...

OUTSIDE, WHEN YOU
WERE TELLING ME

HOW MUCH YOU LOVED ME

YOU LIED?

? WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?

? I CANNOT SEE.

NO!

NO!

WAIT!

HEY!

HOW MUCH DID YOU WIN?

UM...

( stuttering )

I DON'T REALLY-I DON'T
REALLY REMEMBER.

HOW MUCH?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS AROUND THE, UH...
AROUND THE 10,000 MARK.

10,000?

10,000?!

WE COULD'VE GOTTEN
THE MIRROR BACK

AND YOU SPENT IT ON FOOD?!

NO, I DIDN'T SPEND IT ON FOOD!

I SPENT IT ON YOU!

WE COULD HAVE GONE HOME!

WE COULD HAVE GONE HOME!

DON'T YOU
UNDERSTAND?!

I DON'T
BELONG HERE!

I WANT TO GO HOME!

NO, YOU DON'T
WANT TO GO HOME.

I HAVE LOTS
OF THINGS PLANNED.

I... I HAVE...

THERE'S
A GONDOLA OUT BACK

AND THERE'S FIREWORKS
AND MORE FIZZY STUFF.

YOU DON'T CARE
ABOUT ME.

YOU JUST CARE
ABOUT YOURSELF.

NO, NO, NO.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I NEVER WANT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN!

NO, VIRGINIA, PLEASE!

DON'T GO!

VIRGINIA!

Man:
THE PRINCE IS BACK!

( people cheering )

RETURN OF THE PRINCE.

HAPPY EVER AFTER!

GET YOUR SOUVENIR COPY
OF THE KINGDOM TIMES.

WHY WAS I EVER STUPID ENOUGH
TO THINK THAT A GIRL LIKE HER

WOULD FALL
FOR AN ANIMAL LIKE ME?

? WHERE'S SHE GONE?

? IT'S ALL GONE WRONG.

( howls )

HERE HE COMES!

HERE HE COMES!

HERE HE COMES!

PRINCE WENDELL!

THIS CAN'T BE.

THAT'S A LIE!

I'M PRINCE WENDELL!

GENTLEMEN!

THE CRISIS IS OVER.

THE KINGDOM
IS SAFE AGAIN!

OH...

HE'S COMING HOME.

THE CORONATION'S BACK ON!

? YOU CANNOT WIN HER

? YOU CANNOT CHOOSE HER

? YOU ARE JUST
A HOPELESS LOSER. ?

( shrieking )

( frightened murmuring )

( screaming )

NOW YOU SEE WHAT I TOLD YOU
ALL ALONG.

YOU ARE NOTHING WITHOUT ME.

WILL YOU COME BACK
TO ME?

WILL YOU TURN BACK TO ME NOW?

YES.

WELL, AT LEAST THINGS
CAN'T GET ANY WORSE.

YOU IDIOT!

THIS MIRROR
WAS OUR ONLY WAY HOME!

I...

UH, ANTHONY...

NOT NOW.

I DON'T THINK

SHE'S VERY PLEASED WITH YOU.

MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T
HAVE BEEN UP ON THE ROOF.

IT FEELS LIKE
EVERYTHING IS GOING RIGHT...

IT'S YOUR IMAGINATION.

BE CAREFUL
NOT CUTTING YOURSELF.

LOOK! THE
MIRROR BREAKER!

THERE HE IS!

MIRROR BREAKER!

HE'S BROKEN
A MAGIC MIRROR.

THAT'S SEVEN YEARS
BAD LUCK.

OH, COME ON, PEOPLE.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE
THAT SILLY SUPERSTITION, DO YOU?

( echoing hoofbeats )

( hoofbeats stop )

THERE, YOU SEE?

WHAT YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN
CAN'T HURT YOU.

OW!

"OW" WHAT?!

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THIS ROCK.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF THAT?

MIRROR BREAKER!
GET OUT OF TOWN!

WE DON'T WANT
YOUR BAD LUCK HERE!

Woman:
GET OUT OF TOWN!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

( crowd shouting )

Tony:
THIS IS NO GOOD.

WE NEED THE FRAME.

THERE ARE
TOO MANY PIECES MISSING.

WE'VE GOT TO GO BACK.

WHAT'S ON
THE BACK?

WAIT A MINUTE.

DON'T.... WHOA, WHOA,
DON'T MESS UP THE PIECES.

IT TOOK US HOURS
TO PUT THESE PIECES TOGETHER.

WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

LOOK.

WELL, MAYBE IT'S SOME KIND
OF SECRET CLUE, ALL RIGHT.

LOOK, UM, "MAN RED
BY THE WAR OF RAG MOUNT."

MAYBE ABOUT A BATTLE.

IT'S NOT A CLUE.

IT'S A MAKER'S SEAL.

"MAN..."

HERE, SEE--

"MANUFACTURED."

THAT'S IT.

"MANUFACTURED
BY THE WAR..."

"OF," UM,
"RAG MOUNT..."

"MOUNTI..."?

MOUNTIES?

NO, NO, THAT'S AN "N."

"MOUNTAIN."

"MANUFACTURED BY THE WAR..."

"OF..."

UH, LOOKS
LIKE A "D." "DRAGO."

NO, IT'S MORE OF A GAP
THAN THAT.

"DRAGON."

"MANUFACTURED BY THE DWARVES
OF DRAGON MOUNTAIN."

OH!

OH, DEAR. DRAGON MOUNTAIN.

PRINCE, YOU KNOW
WHERE THAT IS?

WELL, YES, BUT, UH...

HE KNOWS WHERE IT IS.

LET'S GO.

BEFORE ANY MORE
BAD LUCK HAPPENS.

WELL, YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT IT'S
A VERY LONG WAY FROM HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, TOO? WE SHOULD GO

TO THAT FARMHOUSE TO TRY TO GET
SOME FOOD BEFORE WE GO.

THAT'S NOT GOLD.

IT IS.

IT'S FOOL'S GOLD.

I GOT IT AT A KNOCKDOWN PRICE
ON ACCOUNT OF IT BEING

THE UGLIEST THING
YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

( muffled groans )

WHERE'S THAT NOISE COMING FROM?

AH!

SUCK AN ELF TROOP!

RUBBER LEGS! RUBBER LEGS!

( knock on door )

I DON'T THINK
ANYBODY'S HERE.

NO, I HEARD
SOMETHING.

WHY DON'T WE CHECK
AROUND BACK?

OH, NO, WAIT...

OH, MY GOD, THEY'RE BACK!

SNIFF A SANDAL,
IT'S THEM.

KILL THEM!

OW! OW! DEAD LEG.

CRAMP!

MAKE WAY!

WELCOME BACK,
YOUR MAJESTY.

AND
CONGRATULATIONS.

WE'VE BEEN
WORRIED SICK.

THANK GOODNESS

YOU ARE BACK, SIR.

THERE'S SO MUCH
ORGANIZING TO BE DONE.

LORD RUPERT HAS GONE

TO COLLECT YOUR
CORONATION GIFTS.

I DON'T RECOGNIZE
THE FOOTMAN, SIR.

A NEW MEMBER OF STAFF?

I WISH TO GO STRAIGHT
TO MY ROOM.

OF COURSE, YOUR MAJESTY.

YOU MUST BE EXHAUSTED
AFTER YOUR LONG JOURNEY.

NO, I NEED TO URINATE.

I MUST GO STRAIGHTAWAY.

OTHERWISE, IT'S A LEG-LIFTER.

OF COURSE.

CAN I HAVE SOMETHING
SENT UP TO YOUR ROOM?

UM...

YES.

WHAT DO I USUALLY HAVE?

COCOA AND A CHEESE
SANDWICH, SIR.

DO I?

IT'S YOUR FAVORITE,
YOUR MAJESTY.

THEN I'LL HAVE IT.

AND, UM, SEND UP A TRAY
OF JUICY BONES AS WELL.

AWAY!

WE'LL TEND TO THE HORSES.

Wendell:
I CAME TO DRAGON MOUNTAIN ONCE BEFORE

WHEN I WAS
A YOUNG PUP...

I MEAN, A YOUNG PRINCE.

THE ENTRANCE
TO THE DWARF KINGDOM

IS SOMEWHERE UP
VERY HIGH.

IT'S A VERY LONG
THROW AWAY

BUT I CAN'T REALLY
REMEMBER WHERE.

IN FACT, I DON'T
SEEM TO REMEMBER

ANYTHING AT ALL
THESE DAYS.

I'M GOING MORE
AND MORE, WELL, DOGGY.

UGLY-LOOKING DRAGON.

WHAT IS
A QUESTING PERMIT?

WELL, THERE'S NOTHING HERE.

WELL, IT MUST BE UP
THE MOUNTAIN SOME MORE.

COME ON.

Wendell:
I WISH I COULD REMEMBER IF THE DRAGONS ARE STILL ALIVE.

( hoofbeats approaching )

ON, NO! WAIT...

NO!

ANYTHING IMPORTANT INSIDE?

DID YOU SEE THAT?

BOTH OF THOSE STRAPS BROKE
EXACTLY AT THE SAME TIME.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT?
LIKE A BILLION TO ONE.

YEAH. MAYBE YOU JUST DIDN'T
TIE IT PROPERLY.

NO, I TIED IT PROPERLY.

IT'S MY BAD LUCK.

YEAH. HEY, I GOT
THE GREATEST LUCK OF ALL

GETTING TO TRAVEL WITH YOU.

YOU KNOW...

IF YOU'VE GOT
SOMETHING TO SAY, JUST SAY IT.

GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST.

ANYTHING'S BETTER
THAN SULKING.

I'M NOT SULKING.

YOUNG WOMAN...

I'M JUST WONDERING
WHAT YOU WERE DOING

ON THE ROOF
OF THAT BUILDING.

HOW COULD YOU?

WITH THE MIRROR
OUR ONLY HOPE.

ARE YOU STILL ON
ABOUT THE MIRROR? IT'S GONE.

I SAID I'M SORRY
BUT IT'S DONE.

I SPEND MY WHOLE LIFE
LOOKING AFTER YOU.

YOU'RE ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES...

LOOKING AFTER ME?

WHO RAISED YOU
FOR 20 YEARS?

I HAD TO WORK
SIX DAYS A WEEK.

YOU EVER THINK
OF THAT? NO.

JUST POOR LITTLE
VIRGINIA.

ME, ME, ME, ME.

OH, I REALLY HATE YOU SOMETIMES.

WELL, IF IT HELPS, GO AHEAD.

HAVE A NICE LONG HATE.

I'M USED TO IT.

OKAY.

THIS IS A LOT BETTER
THAN THE OTHER PLACE.

I'LL TELL YOU
THAT FOR NOTHING.

NOBODY HELPED ME.

I DID IT MYSELF.

WELL?

Burly:
HELLO?

( knocking )

HELLO?

ANYONE THERE?

HEY, COME HERE.

IT'S THE QUEEN.

HEY, YOUR MAJESTY,
WE'RE BACK.

ALIVE AND KICKING!

AND MADDER
THAN EVER.

I MUST SAY, I AM MOST
SURPRISED TO SEE YOU.

YOUR MAJESTY

COULD YOU USE ONE
OF YOUR MIRRORS

TO CONTACT OUR DAD?

HE'LL BE VERY
WORRIED ABOUT US.

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD
THE AWFUL NEWS THEN?

WE HAVEN'T
HEARD ANYTHING.

WE'VE BEEN GOLD.

YOUR FATHER HAS BEEN MURDERED.

WHO?

WHO DID THIS?

THE GIRL.

SHE POISONED HIM.

SWEAR THAT YOU WILL
TRACK HER DOWN.

All:
WE SWEAR IT!

WHOA, WHOA, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

THIS IS THE PATH.

NO, THAT GOES DOWN.

IT'S SLOPING DOWNWARDS.
THIS IS THE WAY UP.

THAT'S NOT EVEN
A PATH.

THAT'S, LIKE, FOR GOATS.

IT GOES BACK UP

THE HILL RIGHT
AROUND THE CORNER.

PRINCE, AM I RIGHT?

ANTHONY

I KNOW THIS IS
HIGHLY IRREGULAR

BUT...

WOULD YOU MIND GIVING ME
A CUDDLE, PLEASE?

YOU SEE, I'M RIGHT,
THIS IS THE WAY.

FINE. YOU GO YOUR WAY,
I'LL GO MINE.

WELL, ALL RIGHT, FINE. GO.

DON'T BLAME ME WHEN THE DRAGONS

GET YOU.

I'M NOT GOING THAT WAY.

OKAY.
BECAUSE IT'S WRONG.

Wendell:
OH, NO.

DECISIONS.

( barks )

YOU COMING WITH ME?

YOU KNOW THIS IS RIGHT,
DON'T YOU?

HOW COULD SHE DEFY ME LIKE THAT?

SO OBSTINATE.

YOU CAME BECAUSE YOU KNEW
I WAS GOING

IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION, RIGHT?

UH, NO.
NO?

I ONLY CAME WITH YOU

BECAUSE VIRGINIA DOESN'T
UNDERSTAND ANYTHING I SAY.

SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND ME,
EITHER.

( hoofbeats approaching )

OH... DAMN, THE ONE TIME
HE HAD TO BE RIGHT.

( buzzing )

SINCE WHEN DO WASPS

BUILD NESTS HALFWAY
UP A MOUNTAIN?

OF ALL THE PLACES
I COULD PUT MY HAND.

IT'S BEYOND BELIEF,
I'M TELLING YOU.

TONY, I'M SCARED.

I'M LOSING MY MIND.

NO, YOU'RE NOT, ALL RIGHT?

JUST GIVE THAT A REST, PLEASE.

NO, I AM.

PLEASE, YOU PROMISED
ME A CUDDLE.

YES. COMBINED CUDDLE
AND STROKE, PLEASE.

THAT'S NICE.

OH, NO, TONY.
IT'S HAPPENING.

I'M GOING DOG.

I AM GOING DOG AND
THERE'S NO GOING BACK.

OH... I'M SO TIRED.

ALWAYS SO TIRED.

SLEEPY.

WISH I WAS A DOG.

SOMEBODY TO TAKE CARE OF ME,
FEED ME

SO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT ANYTHING.

THAT WOULD BE HEAVEN.

( rocks rumbling )

OH.

OH, HI.

SO, YOU MADE IT.

YEAH.

WE'VE BEEN HERE QUITE A WHILE.

REALLY?

MM-HMM.

'BOUT AN HOUR.

OH, I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS A RACE.

I DIDN'T KNOW
THAT WAS A PATH.

AHH!

THERE'S MORE

PAW PRINTS HERE.

THEY CAME THIS WAY.

D-D-DAD'S...

D-D-DEAD.

WELL... LOOK ON
THE BRIGHT SIDE.

NO MORE BEATINGS.

YEAH.

WE CAN FAIL TOTALLY

WITHOUT FEAR
OF PUNISHMENT.

YEAH.

TO HECK WITH HIM,
OLD BASTARD.

( laughs )

HE CAN SUCK AN ELF.

WAIT, WAIT.

WHAT ARE WE SAYING?

HE WAS OUR DAD.

HE TOOK US HUNTING.

HE... HE GAVE US
OUR FIRST WEAPONS.

HE TAUGHT US HOW TO KEEP
A TORTURE VICTIM CONSCIOUS...

FOR HOURS.

( crying )

WAIT TILL WE GET AHOLD
OF THAT LITTLE WITCH.

WE'LL TEAR HER HEAD OFF!

YEAH!
YEAH!

( exhausted groans )

I THINK YOU'RE
SITTING ON SOMEBODY.

EW!

"HERE LIES IVAN
THE OPTIMIST."

HMM. DO YOU THINK THESE
PEOPLE FOUND THE DRAGON

OR THE DRAGON
FOUND THEM?

WELL, THESE GRAVES
LOOK REALLY OLD.

I DON'T THINK THERE
ARE ANY MORE DRAGONS.

GOD... THIS IS INSANE.

WE MUST HAVE CLIMBED
ABOUT A THOUSAND FEET.

WE SHOULD THINK
ABOUT STAYING HERE TONIGHT.

WHAT, IN A GRAVEYARD?

WAIT A MINUTE-- REALLY?

ARE YOU CRAZY?

( wind whistling )

THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA OF MINE
TO COME ALL THE WAY UP HERE.

I AM SO SORRY.

THIS...

( wolf howls in distance )

YOU MISS THAT WOLF,
DON'T YOU?

( sighs )

( shivers )

WELL, I'LL TELL
YOU ONE THING.

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE
THE END FOR ME

BECAUSE I DON'T THINK
I'M GOING TO BE ABLE

TO STAND SEVEN YEARS
OF BAD LUCK.

OH!

I WANT YOU TO KNOW
SOMETHING, THOUGH--

I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.

I MEAN, WITHOUT YOU

WE WOULDN'T
HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR.

I'M COLD. GIVE ME A HUG.

OH, COME HERE.

( shivering )

( whimpers )

BIG BONE.

BIG BONE.

PRINCE.

WHOA, WHERE DID
YOU GET THAT, BOY?

BIG BONE.

BIG BONE.
YEAH, BIG BONE. BIG BONE.

YES, BIGGEST BONE I'VE
EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE.

WHERE'D YOU GET IT FROM?

( barks )

FOLLOW ME.

( Prince barks )

Anthony:
WELL, WE'VE FOUND THE DRAGON.

Virginia:
HE'S NOT BREATHING ANY FIRE.

NO, BUT, LOOK, LOOK--
IT'S GUARDING SOMETHING.

IT'S AN ENTRANCE.

WAIT... PRINCE...

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL...

( screaming )

OH!

"DWARF MINES."

THIS MUST BE WHERE
THEY MAKE THE MIRRORS.

WHOA.

CAN'T EVEN SEE
THE BOTTOM.

I CAN'T GO DOWN THERE,
NOT WITH MY LUCK.

I THINK IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

OH, NO, NO, I
DON'T THINK SO.

COME ON,
JUST GET ON BEHIND ME.

LOOK, IF DWARVES CAN DO IT,
IT MUST BE SAFE.

COME ON, PRINCE.

HOW DOES
THAT FOLLOW?

YOU KNOW WHAT? IT COULD
HAVE A VERY LOW CEILING.

YOU KNOW, VIRGINIA, IT MIGHT
NOT EVEN BE A SLIDE AT ALL.

IT COULD BE A DRAGON
FEEDING TROUGH...

( both screaming )

OH, DEAR.

COME ON, DAD, YOU CAN DO IT.

SEE? YOU MADE IT.

GOOD JOB.

GREAT.

Dwarf Leader:
ATTENTION!

ATTENTION!

COMRADES, THIS
IS A GREAT DAY!

THE TIME HAS COME TO...

BEHOLD THE BIRTH OF THE MIRROR!

NO ONE HAS MADE
A TRUTH MIRROR

FOR OVER 500 YEARS!

BEHOLD PRINCE WENDELL'S
CORONATION GIFT!

( cheering )

( whispering ):
SEE THAT, PRINCE?

THAT'S FOR YOU.

OW! OW!

OW! OW!

OW!

DO YOU REALIZE THE PENALTY
FOR ENTERING OUR SECRET

MIRROR MINES, COMRADES?

IS IT A HEAVY FINE?

IT IS DEATH.
THIS IS OUR MOUNTAIN.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
AND YOU CAN HAVE IT.

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO GET BACK
TO THE FOURTH KINGDOM.

YEAH, WE DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW WE WERE TRESPASSING.

IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE.

YOU HAVE ILLEGALLY ENTERED
THE UNDERGROUND NINTH KINGDOM

AND ANYONE WHO TRIES
TO STEAL OUR SECRETS

WILL DIE.

SECRETS? NO, NO, NO,
YOU CAN KEEP YOUR SECRETS.

WE ACTUALLY NEED
YOUR HELP.

RIGHT, RIGHT. YOU SEE,
THERE WAS A MAGIC MIRROR RECENTLY...

WELL, IT HAD A LITTLE ACCIDENT.
Leader: YOU?

IT WAS YOU?

DO YOU REALIZE
WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?

YOU HAVE DESTROYED ONE
OF THE GREAT TRAVELING MIRRORS.

WE WEREN'T EVEN...

WAIT. DID YOU JUST SAY ONE
OF THE TRAVELING MIRRORS?

AS IN, THERE ARE OTHERS?

DO YOU WISH TO SMASH
THE OTHER TWO?

NO, WE NEED THEM.
WHERE CAN WE FIND THEM?

YOU WILL FIND ONLY DEATH HERE.

TAKE THEM TO THE OLD SHAFT

AND THROW THEM IN!

( dwarves clamoring )

NO, NO, NO!
LOOK, LOOK, WAIT!

WAIT! LOOK!

LOOK IN THE TRUTH MIRROR.

LOOK! IT'S PRINCE WENDELL

GRANDSON OF THE GREATEST WOMAN
THAT'S EVER LIVED.

THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S THE GUY.

AND I AM
HIS INDISPENSABLE TRANSLATOR.

Dwarf:
WHAT MAGIC IS THIS?

WHO ARE YOU STRANGE TRAVELERS?

WE'RE, UM...

ON A SECRET MISSION

TO RESTORE
PRINCE WENDELL

TO HIS ORIGINAL FORM.

I'M A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON.

LONG HAVE THE STORIES

BEEN TOLD OF THIS DAY
WHEN A PROUD PRINCE

WOULD STAND BEFORE US
ON FOUR LEGS.

YEAH, WELL, THIS IS THE DAY.

OH!

I'VE BANGED MY SUCKING
ELFING HEAD 200 TIMES.

YOU SHOULD
BE CAREFUL.

OH, I HATE DWARVES.

FIRST DWARF I SEE,
I'LL KABOB HIM!

YEAH!

IF THEY SEE A TROLL

THEY'LL BE ON YOU
LIKE A PACK OF HOUNDS

AND THEY'LL TEAR YOU
LIMB FROM LIMB.

SHUT UP!

WHAT ARE WE,
TROLLS OR MICE?

WE'RE TROLLS!

TROLLS AFRAID
OF NOTHING!

NOTHING!

DWARVES HAVE MINED
IN THESE CAVES

FOR THOUSANDS
OF YEARS.

IN THE EARLY DAYS

WE SUFFERED
TERRIBLE LOSSES

BECAUSE THE CAVES WERE
OVERRUN WITH DRAGONS.

YOU SEE, THESE CAVES
CONTAIN QUICKSILVER

WHICH, I'M SURE YOU
KNOW, MALE DRAGONS ARE ADDICTED TO.

AH!

THIS IS EXTREMELY QUICKSILVER.

ORDINARY QUICKSILVER IS MUCH
TOO SLOW FOR MAGIC MIRRORS.

MOST ATTEMPTS
TO MAKE

A MAGIC MIRROR
FAIL COMPLETELY.

THEY JUST REFLECT.

BUT SOMETIMES,
WITH THE HELP

OF GREAT DWARF
EXPERTISE...

OW!

YOU'RE NOT SUFFERING

FROM BAD LUCK, ARE YOU?

WE'RE LOOKING FOR
A TRAVELING MIRROR

TO REPLACE THE ONE
THAT WAS BROKEN.

YEAH, WHICH
WE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH.

TRAVELING
MIRRORS...

I DOUBT IF OUR RECORDS
GO THAT FAR BACK.

YES...

JUST AS I THOUGHT.

THERE IS ONE OTHER
SLENDER CHANCE.

LET'S SEE
IF WE CAN RAISE GUSTAV.

COME. HE'S OVER THERE.

GUSTAV,
YOU HAVE A VISITOR.

YOU HAVE TO SPEAK UP;
HE'S RATHER DEAF.

( speaking loudly ):
UM, GUSTAV, WE NEED TO ASK YOU

A QUESTION.

HMM?

A QUESTION!

ABOUT TRAVELING
MIRRORS!

AN ANSWER ONLY
WILL I CHIME

WHEN QUESTIONS PUT
ARE ASKED IN RHYME.

Librarian:
ALL EARLY MIRRORS

TALK IN VERSE.

YES, OF COURSE.

WERE THERE ANY OTHER
TRAVELING MIRRORS MADE

THAT COULD HELP US
WITH OUR ESCAPADE?

"ESCAPADE."

THREE FINE MIRRORS
THERE WERE MADE

TO MAKE THEM, SUCH A PRICE

WAS PAID.

FINE, FINE.

WHERE ARE THE OTHER TWO?

HMM?

UM, OUR MIRROR'S SMASHED;
WHAT CAN WE DO?

WHERE THE HELL
ARE THE OTHER TWO?

MIRROR ONE SHATTERED BIG...

BY AN OAF CALLED ANTOPY.

( mumbling )

MIRROR TWO IS ON A BED

WITH BARNACLES UPON ITS HEAD.

A BED... WITH BARNACLES.

THE SEABED.

YES, ONE FELL
INTO THE GREAT NORTHERN SEA.

I THINK YOU CAN
SAFELY DISCOUNT THAT ONE.

WHAT YOU SEEK
HAS NOT BEEN SEEN

SINCE IT WAS STOLEN
BY THE QUEEN.

THE QUEEN?

THAT'S ALL WE NEED.

ANTHONY, UH...

ANY CHANCE
OF A LITTLE BISCUIT?

NO, NO, NO, UM...

UH, VERY, UH...

VERY HELPFUL YOU HAVE,
UH... UH... BEEN.

JUST TELL US WHERE
WE CAN FIND THE QUEEN.

NEAR SHE IS
BUT NOT ALONE

IN A PLACE THAT'S NOT HER HOME

IN A CASTLE OUT OF SIGHT

WHERE ONCE THE
QUEEN WAS CALLED

SNOW WHITE.

THAT'S PRINCE
WENDELL'S CASTLE.

( hoofbeats approaching )

OH, I KNEW IT.
I DON'T THINK...

OH, NO, NO!

MURDERERS!

YOU'VE MURDERED MY MIRRORS!

MIRROR
MURDERERS!

KILL THEM! KILL THEM!

( dwarves clamoring )

Virginia:
GET OUT OF HERE!

Librarian:
QUICK! SOUND THE ALARM!

( alarm whistling )

( whistle blowing )

WHAT WAS THAT?

( blowing louder )

( panicked screaming )

WE NEED TO DISAPPEAR.
COME ON, GO DOWN HERE.

THEY WON'T FOLLOW
US DOWN HERE.

I'LL BE RIGHT
BEHIND YOU.

( screaming )

OW!

YOU OKAY?

NO, I'M
NOT OKAY!

I DON'T KNOW
HOW MUCH MORE OF THIS I CAN TAKE.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE
MORE CAREFUL.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT;
IT'S MY BAD LUCK.

( hoofbeats approaching )

UGH! HOW MUCH WORSE
IS IT GOING TO BE NOW?

( screaming )

DAD?

DAD?!

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

( groans )

I-I DID SOMETHING REALLY B...

S-SOMETHING CRACKED.

I CAN'T MOVE.

ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING
TO HELP YOU. TRY...

AH, NO! NO!

I MAY HAVE BROKEN MY BACK.

OKAY.

OKAY, UM...

WELL, WE'RE GOING...

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIND
ANOTHER WAY OUT OF HERE.

WE CAN'T GO BACK
THE WAY WE CAME, SO, UM...

I DON'T WANT TO DIE IN HERE.

WE'RE NOT
GOING TO DIE.

WE'RE GOING TO FIND A WAY
OUT OF HERE. I CAN'T HELP YOU.

I CAN'T MOVE.

WELL, THEN, I'M JUST GOING
TO GO ON ALONE

AND I'M GOING TO FIND A WAY OUT

AND I'M GOING TO COME BACK
AND GET YOU.

OKAY? MAYBE PRINCE
CAN SMELL OUT FRESH AIR, AND...

TOO MANY TUNNELS.
TOO MANY TUNNELS.

YOU WON'T FIND YOUR WAY BACK.

I WILL FIND A WAY OUT

AND I WILL COME BACK
AND GET YOU, OKAY?

I PROMISE.

I'M GOING TO LEAVE
A TRAIL OF BREAD CRUMBS...

SO THAT I CAN FIND YOU.

VIRGINIA, VIRGINIA...

MAKE SURE YOU GET YOURSELF OUT.

I'M COMING BACK.

( whimpers )

( Prince whines )

"FOR SEVEN MEN

"SHE GAVE HER LIFE.

"FOR ONE GOOD MAN...

"SHE WAS HIS WIFE.

"BENEATH THE ICE
BY SNOW WHITE FALLS

"THERE LIES...

THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL."

Snow White:
VIRGINIA...

HELLO, VIRGINIA.

YOU LOOK TIRED.

ARE YOU DEAD?

WELL... YES.

I THINK YOU'D HAVE TO SAY SO.

I'M MORE INTO THE FAIRY
GODMOTHER OCCASIONAL APPEARANCE

SORT OF THING NOW.

BUT I STILL
HAVE INFLUENCE OVER THINGS

AND I'VE BEEN PROTECTING YOU
IN OTHER WAYS

SHIELDING YOUR IMAGE
FROM THE MIRRORS OF THE QUEEN.

BUT SOON, VIRGINIA

YOU'LL HAVE TO SEE
AND BE SEEN.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

( Prince barks )

HEY!

( laughs )

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY GRANDSON, HUH?

I LIKE HIM.

YES. I THINK
BEING A DOG

HAS BEEN VERY
GOOD FOR HIM.

BUT HE'S LOSING
HIS MIND.

THAT IS WHY YOU MUST
NOW TAKE CHARGE.

HE NEEDS YOU TO
SAVE HIS KINGDOM.

WE ALL DO.

ME?

NO. I THINK YOU HAVE
THE WRONG PERSON.

MMM...

I HAVE THE RIGHT PERSON.

I'VE BEEN WAITING
FOR YOU, VIRGINIA.

YOU SEE

MY MOTHER WAS A QUEEN

AND EVERY DAY SHE WOULD
SIT BY THE WINDOW, SEWING

STARING AT THE FALLING SNOW,
LONGING TO HAVE A BABY GIRL.

AND ONE DAY SHE PRICKED
HER FINGER ON A NEEDLE

AND ONTO THE SNOW
FELL THREE DROPS OF BLOOD

AND SHE KNEW THEN
THAT SHE WOULD DIE

GIVING BIRTH TO ME.

MY FATHER WAS SAD
FOR A VERY LONG TIME

BUT HE REMARRIED EVENTUALLY
BECAUSE HE WAS LONELY

AND MY NEW MOTHER
BROUGHT NO POSSESSIONS

TO THE CASTLE EXCEPT

FOR HER MAGIC MIRRORS

AND EVERY DAY
SHE WOULD LOCK HER BEDROOM

SHE WOULD TAKE OFF
ALL HER CLOTHES

AND SHE WOULD LOOK
IN THE MIRROR AND SAY

"MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL,
WHO'S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL?"

AND THE MIRROR
WOULD REPLY

"MY LADY IS THE FAIREST
OF THEM ALL."

AND THIS WOULD SATISFY HER

FOR SHE KNEW THAT MIRROR
SPOKE THE TRUTH.

BUT I WAS GROWING OLDER

AND BY THE TIME I WAS SEVEN,
I WAS AS PRETTY AS YOU.

AND ONE DAY, WHEN THE QUEEN
ASKED HER MIRROR

THE MIRROR REPLIED,
"MY LADY QUEEN IS FAIR TO SEE

BUT SNOW WHITE IS FAIRER FAR
THAN THEE."

AND MY STEPMOTHER
CALLED HER HUNTSMAN AND SAID

"TAKE THIS CHILD
INTO THE FOREST.

I AM SICK OF THE SIGHT OF HER."

CAN YOU IMAGINE
THAT MOMENT, VIRGINIA?

WHEN YOU REALIZE
THAT YOU ARE SO AWFUL

THAT YOUR OWN MOTHER
WANTS YOU MURDERED?

WHEN THE HUNTSMAN
RAISED HIS KNIFE

I FELL TO MY KNEES,
AND I BEGGED HIM

"LET ME LIVE.

PLEASE... LET ME LIVE."

AND HE PUT HIS KNIFE AWAY.

I WAS SO TERRIFIED

I RAN STRAIGHT
INTO THE DARKNESS.

I RAN UNTIL I WAS EXHAUSTED,
AND THEN, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME

THERE WAS THIS LITTLE COTTAGE.

OH, THE COTTAGE WE FOUND.

YES, OF COURSE.

AND WHEN I WENT INSIDE

EVERYTHING WAS
THE PERFECT SIZE FOR ME.

ON THE TABLE,
THERE WAS SET SEVEN PLATES

AND, WHEN I WENT UPSTAIRS

THERE WERE SEVEN BEDS,
ALL IN A ROW.

I WAS SO TIRED,
I FELL FAST ASLEEP

AND, WHEN I WOKE UP

THERE WERE THESE MEN
COMING UP THE STAIRS

AND THEY HAD LAMPS.

THEY WERE MINING LAMPS,
SWINGING BACK AND FORTH

LIKE FIREFLIES IN THE NIGHT

AND I WAS FROZEN
WITH FEAR

AND, WHEN THEY SAW ME,
THEY ALL SAID AS ONE

"WHAT A LOVELY LITTLE GIRL."

THEY TOLD ME THAT,
IF I KEPT THE HOUSE CLEAN

AND I DID THE COOKING
AND THE WASHING

AND THE SEWING
AND THE KNITTING

AND KEPT EVERYTHING SPOTLESS,
THAT I COULD STAY

AND I WOULD NEVER WANT
FOR ANYTHING.

I TOLD THEM
ABOUT MY STEPMOTHER

AND THEY BECAME
VERY PARANOID ABOUT HER.

THEY TOLD ME
NEVER TO GO INTO TOWN

AND NEVER TO OPEN THE DOOR
TO STRANGERS.

HER MIRRORS FOUND ME
EVENTUALLY.

SHE DRESSED
AS AN OLD PEDDLER

AND CLIMBED OVER
THE SEVEN HILLS TO MY HOUSE.

TWICE SHE CAME--

ONCE WITH A CORSET
TO CRUSH MY RIBS

AND THEN WITH A POISON COMB

TO DRUG ME.

BUT THE LAST TIME
SHE CAME

SHE BROUGHT THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
BASKET OF APPLES THAT I EVER SAW

AND THIS TIME
SHE STAYED TO WATCH ME DIE

AND TO BE SURE,
SHE HELD ME IN HER ARMS

UNTIL I DIED IN FRONT OF HER

CHOKING ON A PIECE
OF POISON APPLE.

AND I OFTEN THINK...

WHY DID I LET HER IN?

DIDN'T I KNOW SHE WAS BAD?

I DID.

OF COURSE I DID.

BUT I ALSO KNEW

THAT I COULDN'T KEEP THE DOOR
CLOSED ALL MY LIFE

JUST BECAUSE IT WAS DANGEROUS

JUST BECAUSE THERE WAS A CHANCE
THAT I MIGHT GET HURT.

TELL ME WHAT
ALL THIS HAS TO DO WITH ME.

EVERYTHING.

YOU'RE COLD.

YOU'RE COLD, VIRGINIA.

HOW DID YOU BECOME SO COLD?

YOU ARE STILL LOST
IN THE FOREST

BUT LONELY,
LOST GIRLS LIKE US

CAN RESCUE THEMSELVES.

YOU ARE STANDING
ON THE EDGE OF GREATNESS.

NO, I'M NOT.

I'M NOT. I'M NOTHING.

I'M USELESS.

YOU WILL ONE DAY
BE LIKE ME.

YOU WILL BE A GREAT ADVISER
TO OTHER LOST GIRLS.

NOW... STAND UP.

STAND UP.

THIS MIRROR

WILL SHOW YOU WHAT YOU DO
AND DO NOT WANT TO SEE.

POISON IS THE WAY
THE QUEEN WILL STRIKE

AND THE WAY
SHE MUST BE DEFEATED.

YOU MUST FIND THE POISONED COMB
SHE TRIED TO KILL ME WITH.

BUT WHAT CAN I DO ALL BY MYSELF?

DO NOT CLING
TO WHAT YOU KNOW.

DO NOT THINK...

BECOME.

OH, MY LIGHT'S
GOING OUT.

LET YOUR
LIGHT GO OUT.

EMBRACE THE
DARKNESS.

NO, BUT I CAN'T FIND
MY WAY OUT IN THE DARK!

YOU MAY ASK

FOR ONE WISH

AND I WILL TRY AND GRANT IT

BUT BE SURE TO ASK
FOR THE RIGHT THING.

OKAY.

I WISH...

I WISH THAT DAD'S BAD LUCK
WAS OVER

OH, AND THAT HIS BACK
WASN'T BROKEN ANYMORE!

STRICTLY SPEAKING,
THAT'S TWO WISHES...

BUT IT'S DONE.

( chittering )

YOUR FATHER IS IN GREAT DANGER.

YOU MUST GO TO HIM.

OKAY, BUT HOW
DO I FIND...?

NO. GO TO HIM NOW.

IMMEDIATELY.

( footsteps crunching )

OH! OH... VIRGINIA!

I WAS JUST ABOUT
TO LOSE MY MIND.

I'D JUST ABOUT
GIVEN UP ALL HOPE.

THAT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

( whispering ):
OH, MY GOD.

I MOVE SLOWLY

BUT I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT.

WHERE'S THE DOG...

CALLED PRINCE?

WHERE'S THE GIRL?

JUST GO TO HELL.

( gasps )

I WILL NOT
ASK YOU AGAIN.

GO AHEAD, KILL ME.

I DON'T EVEN CARE ANYMORE.

YOU WILL TELL ME... EVERYTHING

LONG BEFORE YOU DIE.

( groans )

GET UP AND COME WITH ME.

BUT I-I CAN'T GET UP.

MY BACK IS BROKEN.

NO, IT'S NOT.

WHAT DO YOU...?

HEY!

IT DOES FEEL BETTER.

OH, MY GOD,
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?

I HAVE FOUND THE
MOST WONDERFUL THING.

WHAT? YOU FOUND
THE WAY OUT?

BETTER.
BETTER?

WH...? YOU MEAN,
THERE'S SOMETHING BETTER

THAN THE WAY OUT?

YES.

WHAT?

OH, UH, COME ON.

LOOK.

WHAT?

NO. IT-IT-IT...

SHE WAS HERE.

BUT IT WAS...

WHAT? SO DID YOU
FIND THE WAY OUT?

YES.

WELL, W-WAIT-WAIT...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHH! LISTEN.

( distant rumble )

CAN YOU HEAR THAT?

HEAR...?

( water dripping )

OH...

( rumbling increasing )

( Virginia laughing )

WE DID IT!

OH, TERRIFIC!

COME ON.

OOH!

I THINK...

I THINK WE'RE BACK
IN THE FOURTH KINGDOM.

OH.

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?

MIRROR, MIRROR,
IN MY HAND

WHO'S THE FAIREST
IN THE LAND?

IT'S... CHRISTINE.

NO.

NO. IT CAN'T BE.

WHAT?

IT'S HER.

MY GOD,
THAT'S YOUR MOTHER.

OH!

SOMEONE IS WATCHING ME.

IT'S MOM.

THAT'S MOM!

UH, BUT WAIT!

( echoing )
WAIT, WAIT...

SOMEONE IS SPYING ON ME.

NO, NO, NO. IT CAN'T BE.

THAT PER...

THAT WAS MOM.

SHE'S HERE?

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID

SHE WAS LIVING
IN MIAMI.

I DIDN'T KNOW
WHERE SHE WAS.

I HAD TO TELL YOU
SOMETHING.

YOU WERE ALWAYS
ASKING ME.

AND WHY DID
YOU THROW THE MIRROR AWAY?

I MEAN...

WELL, BECAUSE, IF WE
COULD SEE HER, IT MEANS...

MAYBE SHE
CAN SEE US, AND...

AND-AND WHAT?

W-WHAT DO YOU THINK
SHE'S GOING TO DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

HOW DID SHE
GET HERE?

SHE'S GOT THE OTHER MIRROR.

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