That's My Boy (1981–1986): Season 1, Episode 1 - Live as Family - full transcript
Housekeeper Ida Willis is the terror of the domestic employment agency and her clients alike. She is sent to go to work for Dr. Robert Price and his wife Angie. Ida tells Angie about her son Shane who she gave up for adoption as a newborn baby. When they swap photos of Robert as a baby and her Shane as a baby, they discover that they are one in the same! Robert tells Angie to fire Ida, until he finds out who she really is.
[music playing]
[theme music]
THEME SONG: That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
[knock]
Yes?
I've got a lady in Reception
wants to see someone in charge.
She's ever so cross.
Ever so cross?
Sounds like Mrs. Willis.
BOTH: I'm out.
And I'm in.
Tea please, in a cup,
not a mug, and hurry up.
Well, don't gawp.
Is that OK?
Right, which one of
you's going to take
down me particulars today.
BOTH: Pardon?
Who's Who's going to handle me?
I-- I think it's your
turn, George, isn't it?
Don't you want to handle me?
Well, it's not that.
I just handled you last week.
Yeah, so you did.
I'll talk to him.
Fine, fine.
I'll just go and see how
Brenda's doing with the tea.
Uh, leave the
door ajar, please.
Right.
Get me file out.
Willis, Ida Matilda.
It's the thick
one at the bottom.
Oh, yes, yes, here we are.
Now, let's see.
Oh, you only started with
the Harrises on Monday.
-Correct.
-And today's Tuesday.
I could've told you that.
Didn't they found
you satisfactory?
Have you heard from them?
What lies have they
been telling you?
We-- we haven't
heard a word from them.
You will, as soon as
they read that letter
I pinned to their waterbed.
You You put a pin
in their waterbed?
High I burst their
little bubble.
Such goings on.
You sent me to work
in a love nest.
I didn't spot it
at the interview.
Spot what?
Are you a married man?
Yes.
You can talk to me.
I didn't mean that.
What has your wife got
under her wedding ring?
A finger?
Yes.
With a white mark on it.
Mrs. Harris's finger
had no such mark.
How do you know?
Well, she took her ring
off to run her fingers
through his hair.
And they'd not long
had their dinner.
I don't think that's
very conclusive.
Don't you?
Well, where's their
wedding album?
You tell me that.
I had that place to pieces.
Perhaps they haven't
got a wedding album.
Well, of course they
haven't, 'cause they
never had a wedding.
All I want is a nice
young married couple.
Well, that's
straightforward enough.
With documentary evidence
that she's on the pill
or he's been done.
Done?
Done.
Arranged.
Seen to.
Had a vasectomy.
We don't live in the Dark Ages.
Ah, well, there-- there's
a young couple here,
but I don't know whether
or not he's been done.
Well, ring him up and ask him.
He's a doctor.
He works in a busy hospital.
Good.
Then if he hasn't been done,
he's in the right place
to get done.
Don't you like children?
That's a very
personal question.
And so is, "Have
you been done?"
I don't see the connection.
What does the wife do?
Oh, you are not
going to like this.
She's a midwife.
She's a model.
Clothed or unclothed?
It's Bit of each, I think.
Good.
Then she won't be
risking stretchmarks.
Well, they sound
eminently suitable.
Give them a ring and
fix an interview.
Couldn't you carry
the biscuits as well?
Here.
Here we are.
Dr. and Mrs. Price.
I'll just see if their in.
Oh, just a minute.
How long have they
been on your books?
Quite Quite some
time, I'm afraid.
Good.
I like 'em desperate.
[music playing]
[phone ringing]
Hello, Mother.
Oh, I just thought it might be.
You phoned six times
in the last half hour.
Angie isn't back and Mrs.
Thing isn't here yet.
Mrs. Willis.
I don't know why it
rings a bell, Mother.
Look, I must go.
Did she ever live where?
Look, I don't know the woman.
I don't know where she lived.
Oh, hang on, here's Angie.
It's my mother.
I'm not here.
Oh, false alarm.
It was the paper boy.
-Read all about it!
-I must go.
I'll phone you later.
Bye.
Why does my mother
ring once a month
and yours ring once a day?
Ah, because she's
not my mother.
We're not moving, are we?
No, I'm--
I'm putting ornaments in a box.
What do you mean,
she's not your mother?
She's had you since you
were three months old.
Well, five.
I had two teeth.
Only two?
Whey are you putting
ornaments away?
Well, two's not
bad for five months.
Oh, because we don't
want her to think
-there'll be a lot of work.
-Who?
Mrs. Willis, our
new housekeeper.
She's not our new
housekeeper yet, you know.
Oh, she will be,
if we like her.
We must like her.
Oh, please, God, let's like her.
Because we need her.
So you keep saying.
I think it's a
ridiculous expense.
We manage perfectly well.
You manage, Angie,
because nothing
you wear needs ironing and
nothing you eat needs cooking.
She's got two arms, two legs,
and two pennyworth of brain
cells, I'm taking her on.
That's all very fine
and fancy, but how--
-[doorbell rings]
-Ah, there she is now.
Quick!
Hide these in the bathroom
and take all those tights
off the towel rail.
And-- and go and
answer the door.
Don't you talk
to me like that.
I'm not a student nurse.
Am I the master of
this house or not?
No, you are not.
You're a male chauvinist pig.
Oh, are those for me?
No, they're not.
They're for her.
[doorbell rings]
ANGIE PRICE: Do come
through, Mrs. Willis,
and meet the master
of the house.
IDA WILLIS: The what?
That's what he
likes to be called.
Ooh, does he?
Give in to that and
you'll live to regret it.
Break him in early.
I know.
How do you do?
This'll be him, I suppose.
Yes, this is me.
How do you do?
Pleased to meet you.
I shan't need you.
What?
It's the lady
I've come to see.
No, actually, it's
me you're here to see.
Well, I have now, haven't I?
I'll give you a shout
if I want you again.
Oh, but--
Don't "but."
Goats butt.
Now run along!
Bye!
What does he do for a living?
He's a doctor.
Oh, yeah, they told me.
I don't hold with it, you know.
Doctoring, boys of his age.
He did do five
years' training.
Well, so I should hope.
But he's still coming
nowhere near my left knee.
Can he make tea?
Did his five years'
training include that?
Well, he's never
made it for me.
Oh, well, you've
been too soft with him.
I saw that the minute I
walked through the door.
We'll see if he'll
make it for me.
Doctor, dear?
ROBERT PRICE: Yes?
Would you make us some tea?
We'll have it in here, shall we?
On a tray.
And cups and saucers, mind.
Ooh, I hate mugs.
I don't make tea.
Why not?
You've got two arms--
Two legs, and two
pennyworth of brain cells.
Look, uh, if I
do make this tea--
Use boiling water.
Right.
That was wonderful!
Right, now then.
First things first.
References.
Oh, lovely.
What do you want me to do
with that, cross it with silver?
Sorry?
Well?
What?
Where are they?
What?
Your references!
Mine?
Oh, more to the point, his.
Oh, I thought you
meant would I like
to look at your references?
I could get up and go.
But that'd mean
leaving you with him.
I'll give you a second chance.
Oh, thanks.
I'll approach you
from a different angle.
How long did your
last help stay?
Oh, well, we've never
had anyone before.
That was a foolish
thing to say, wasn't it?
Was it?
Well, you've given
me the upper hand now.
We'll move on to wages.
Ah, yes.
Well, Robert thought--
Ah, but write it down, love.
Then we don't have to talk.
All right.
Thank you.
Is that a three or an eight?
It's a three--
An eight.
Ah, it'd need to be.
And this is the
first month, is it?
Till I see if you'll suit.
I suppose so.
Ah, good.
And then if you do so, we can
put it up for the second month,
with a further
review after three.
That sounds fair, doesn't it?
I've made the tea.
So I see.
And spilt it in the saucer.
How many lumps?
How many lumps?
Ooh, you can tell he's medical.
None.
I'm sweet enough.
Before you sit down, there's one
little thing you can do for me.
Well?
Take them daffs out.
They depress me.
Anything else while
I'm on the move?
Sideboards?
Carpets?
Robert, don't be rude.
I feel rude.
You know, he
reminds me of someone.
Someone I didn't like.
Mrs. Willis, I
know he's difficult,
-but he is my husband.
-He'd better be.
I don't hold with
open plan living.
Here's our wedding photograph.
Oh, good.
Oh, very pretty.
You, not him.
That's a very large bouquet.
And how high you're holding it.
Do you know, that's
what Robert's aunt said?
I think she though
I was expecting.
Just shows you what
sort of mind she's got.
Were you?
No!
You say that as though
you don't want children.
-ANGIE PRICE: I don't.
-Does he?
No.
Well, that's the first good
thing I've heard about him.
Well, I think I could
be very happy here,
all things being equal.
I phoned Holland.
They're sorry you
don't like daffodils.
Where's me room?
It's across the hall.
It's not very big.
Uh, it's very small.
You'll hate it.
Shall I be the judge of that?
Just as long as there's room
for a bed and a color telly.
Oh.
Now you've worried
me with that "oh."
I will have a color
telly, won't I?
Yes.
Yes, you will.
When?
When we've moved that one.
Don't you move it, love.
He's the doctor.
Let him have the hernia.
Marvelous.
Bloody marvelous.
Quick, what do you think?
I can't think.
I'm too stunned to think.
I've never been so
bullied in all my life.
It'll do you good.
Oh, Angie, you're not even
considering taking her on.
I've taken her on.
We've even agreed her wages.
What are they?
I hope this eight's a three.
Well, I don't know why
you said it was small.
Have you got some
scissors, love?
Yes.
It's an eight.
Will these do?
Oh, thank you, love.
I just want to take a
snip off the curtains,
see if I can get a dye to match.
I don't like that
white bedspread.
It's cold.
Well, that's
reasonable, darling.
I mean, if she doesn't
like the color,
she just might just well--
Oh!
She's in our room, isn't she?
Hacking our curtains to bits.
We'll be all right
in the spare room.
What?
We can have bunk beds.
Oh!
[theme music]
THEME SONG: That's my boy!
[theme music]
THEME SONG: That's my boy!
Oh, aren't you doing
that beautifully!
I am, aren't I?
Mind you, it'll never
be a good table,
but at least it will smell nice.
It's 100 years old.
It's not, is it?
Oh, well, throw it out.
Let him buy you something new.
I've polished the taps.
Can I do anything else?
Yes.
You can come and give me
a hand with that clock
outside my bedroom door.
It's got to be shifted.
I'm not sure it
should be shifted.
It might upset its works.
Well, it's been
upsetting mine all night.
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
boing, boing, boing.
I never shut an eye.
And it's not a room you
can get up and roam in.
It was very kind of you to
let us have our own bedroom.
Ah, well, I did that
for your sake, love.
So just for my sake,
shift that clock.
Well, I suppose if we
move the coffee table,
we could put it up
against that wall.
Well, it's worth a try.
OK.
Right.
-You got it?
-Yep.
Hup!
There we are.
-Into the passage, then?
-Yes.
Right.
Mind you, is it a good idea
to have that clock in here?
It won't help the
telly, will it?
Boing, boing, boing.
Well, actually, it won't
matter, because we haven't
got a telly at the minute.
Ah, no more you have.
But remember what I said.
You're always welcome to
come in and watch mine.
You are.
Well, what time is it?
About 10:00.
Oh!
Time for our elevenses.
Mind you don't bump your leg.
It's just a thought,
but, uh, if you
were to get rid of that mirror,
we could put the clock there.
But that mirror's Louis XV.
Oh, give it back to him, love.
You've got enough
junk of your own.
Biscuit, love?
Go on.
They're Garibaldis.
I daren't.
Oh, it's that
modeling, isn't it?
It'll do you no good in the end.
I don't understand it.
People should look like
people, not pencils.
It's the fashion.
Ah.
All the same, it was good
of you to take the day off.
I mean, this place needed
a thorough going-through.
I'm afraid it did.
And I have no bookings, anyway.
Now you'll have to
explain that, dear.
Well, people ring my agent
and ask for me, you see.
And then she rings here
to confirm the booking.
I'd better ask this.
Does the doctor have an agent?
'Cause I'd hate
to go out shopping
and lose him an appendix.
No, no agent.
Well, only the National Health.
Oh, them.
Huh.
I've got a grudge against them.
Have had for 27 years.
27 years?
Be 28 in June.
Is this to do
with the left knee
you won't let Robert touch?
Haven't you got
a wonderful memory?
No, love, no.
No.
That was when I fell
off a number 17.
No, I was amply
compensated for that.
Well, 153 pounds and
a new pair of tights.
Then this grudge?
Well, do you
ever touch tiddly?
What?
It's only three stars,
but it does pack a punch.
Oh, what a relief!
You drink!
No, dear, I don't drink.
I just like the taste.
There we go.
Now we can be cozy.
It's funny how
I've taken to you.
I never thought I would,
you being the shape you are.
I'm sure you had a super
figure when you were my age.
How old are you, love?
24.
Ah, you're wrong, then.
I had a super figure when
I was 23, but 24, no.
Which brings me
back to my grudge.
But of course, I
never talk about that.
Oh.
Don't if you don't like to.
He was a hospital
porter, you see.
Who was?
My Mr. X. I was part-time
hospital canteen, and he
was part-time men's surgicals.
He punched out as I punched in.
So of course, we had to meet.
ANGIE PRICE: What happened?
Well, nothing, for
quite a long time.
Nearly a fortnight.
I was going mad.
He was a very
attractive man, dear.
Oh, you don't mean you--
I did.
And he did.
Three months later, I
had a 30-inch waist.
And he had a job on
an ocean-going liner.
Leaving you like that?
Oh, that's men for you, love.
At home each night,
they take their fun
and leave behind
what they've begun.
Many's the time my mother
said those words to me.
So what did you do?
Well, there was only
one thing I could do.
You had an abortion.
I had an eight-pound,
three-ounce boy.
Pregnant or not, I
had me principles.
What happened to the baby?
Shane.
He went to a good home.
Ooh, a big house with
wrought iron gates, and--
And privet hedges
shaped like peacocks.
Mmm.
Not that I ever
saw it, mind you.
Only the vicar who arranged
it all, he showed me a snap.
He had two teeth.
The vicar?
Shane.
And that's very good
for five months.
So you never
tried to trace him?
Not me.
I might have found him.
No, the last I heard was
when they sent me a picture.
They said it was taken
on his first birthday.
More teeth and less hair.
I'll show it to you.
Aww, you've kept the picture.
Well, I had to,
hadn't I, love?
I've written me national
insurance number on the back.
That's my Shane.
I've got a picture
of Robert somewhere
on his first birthday.
Yes, here he is.
This is Robert.
Oh, love, you've
given me Shane back.
And I've got Robert.
[loud bang]
ROBERT PRICE: Aaaahh!
Oh, god!
Whatever was that?
It's Robert!
He's fallen over
the coffee table.
I knew he'd grow up clumsy.
Ooh!
That woman has got to go.
Because of a bruised knee?
ROBERT PRICE: It's got
nothing to do with my knee.
Well, why has she
got to go, then?
Because I hate her.
Will that do?
Well, I like her.
We communicate.
Splendid.
-That'll make it easier.
-What?
ROBERT PRICE: Telling
her she's fired.
-But--
-Don't "but."
Goats butt.
Go and tell her now.
Oh, Robert--
It's your place.
Uh, Mrs. Price, love,
could I have a word?
Now's your chance, Angie.
I can't.
I'm waiting, dear.
Oh, lord!
Oh, I'm sorry to burst
in like that, love.
Were you in the
middle of something?
Well--
Only I couldn't
bear it any longer.
Bear what?
Well, me knowing who he is
and him not knowing who I am.
We can't go on like that, love.
We're sitting on
an unexploded bomb.
Are we?
Oh, yes.
One careless word, one drop
too many, we could either of us
give the whole thing away.
Oh, I don't think
that's likely.
Oh, don't you?
Well, I nearly did a minute ago.
Sitting there with his leg up.
There's nothing wrong with it.
Ooh, my palm itched.
One of these days,
I'll strike him!
-Oh, no!
-It's a mother's right.
Shoulder along, love.
Tell who I am and warn him in
future to mind his Ps and Qs.
You want me to--
That's right, love.
It's your place.
And he wants me to--
Oh, lord!
Ooh!
Did you tell her?
No.
Why not?
Something came up.
Something more important
than giving her the sack?
Do you know, I think it was?
Would you like a drink?
On top of two painkillers?
You trying to kill me?
That would be one way out.
Excuse me.
No, excuse me.
You didn't knock, Mrs. Willis.
Well, of course I didn't knock.
Families don't.
Families?
You haven't told
him, have you?
No, not yet.
I think I will
have that drink.
It's a quarter of an hour
since I took those pills.
Oh.
Look at those ears.
What about them?
Now look at mine.
The same.
My ears and his father's nose.
It couldn't be the other
way around, could it?
Ooh, I could weep.
I like his nose.
You can't.
What do you mean, she can't?
There's nothing
wrong with my nose.
It's a perfectly all right nose.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Come on, Angie,
get it over with.
Tell her.
That's just what
I was going to say.
Get it over with.
Tell him.
-[whimpers]
-All right, then.
Don't bother.
I'll tell her myself.
And I'll tell you meself.
Tell me what?
Tell me what?
Oh, stop it, both of you!
She's your mother,
and you're fired!
She's my-- oh, no.
Oh, tell me she's not.
She is.
She's got your picture.
And you've got her ears.
You're drunk.
No, but I'm working on it.
It's a trick, isn't it?
You're trying to blackmail me.
Ooh, how that takes me back.
That's just what your daddy said
when I broke the happy news.
[phone ringing]
Hello, Price residence.
Would you hold on
one moment, please?
It's for Shane.
Shane?
That's your name, Robert.
I don't believe any of this.
It must be the drink
and the tablets.
Who's on the phone?
To whom am I
speaking to, please?
Oh.
We meet again.
It's your other mummy.
[theme music]
THEME SONG: That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy!
[theme music]
THEME SONG: That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
[knock]
Yes?
I've got a lady in Reception
wants to see someone in charge.
She's ever so cross.
Ever so cross?
Sounds like Mrs. Willis.
BOTH: I'm out.
And I'm in.
Tea please, in a cup,
not a mug, and hurry up.
Well, don't gawp.
Is that OK?
Right, which one of
you's going to take
down me particulars today.
BOTH: Pardon?
Who's Who's going to handle me?
I-- I think it's your
turn, George, isn't it?
Don't you want to handle me?
Well, it's not that.
I just handled you last week.
Yeah, so you did.
I'll talk to him.
Fine, fine.
I'll just go and see how
Brenda's doing with the tea.
Uh, leave the
door ajar, please.
Right.
Get me file out.
Willis, Ida Matilda.
It's the thick
one at the bottom.
Oh, yes, yes, here we are.
Now, let's see.
Oh, you only started with
the Harrises on Monday.
-Correct.
-And today's Tuesday.
I could've told you that.
Didn't they found
you satisfactory?
Have you heard from them?
What lies have they
been telling you?
We-- we haven't
heard a word from them.
You will, as soon as
they read that letter
I pinned to their waterbed.
You You put a pin
in their waterbed?
High I burst their
little bubble.
Such goings on.
You sent me to work
in a love nest.
I didn't spot it
at the interview.
Spot what?
Are you a married man?
Yes.
You can talk to me.
I didn't mean that.
What has your wife got
under her wedding ring?
A finger?
Yes.
With a white mark on it.
Mrs. Harris's finger
had no such mark.
How do you know?
Well, she took her ring
off to run her fingers
through his hair.
And they'd not long
had their dinner.
I don't think that's
very conclusive.
Don't you?
Well, where's their
wedding album?
You tell me that.
I had that place to pieces.
Perhaps they haven't
got a wedding album.
Well, of course they
haven't, 'cause they
never had a wedding.
All I want is a nice
young married couple.
Well, that's
straightforward enough.
With documentary evidence
that she's on the pill
or he's been done.
Done?
Done.
Arranged.
Seen to.
Had a vasectomy.
We don't live in the Dark Ages.
Ah, well, there-- there's
a young couple here,
but I don't know whether
or not he's been done.
Well, ring him up and ask him.
He's a doctor.
He works in a busy hospital.
Good.
Then if he hasn't been done,
he's in the right place
to get done.
Don't you like children?
That's a very
personal question.
And so is, "Have
you been done?"
I don't see the connection.
What does the wife do?
Oh, you are not
going to like this.
She's a midwife.
She's a model.
Clothed or unclothed?
It's Bit of each, I think.
Good.
Then she won't be
risking stretchmarks.
Well, they sound
eminently suitable.
Give them a ring and
fix an interview.
Couldn't you carry
the biscuits as well?
Here.
Here we are.
Dr. and Mrs. Price.
I'll just see if their in.
Oh, just a minute.
How long have they
been on your books?
Quite Quite some
time, I'm afraid.
Good.
I like 'em desperate.
[music playing]
[phone ringing]
Hello, Mother.
Oh, I just thought it might be.
You phoned six times
in the last half hour.
Angie isn't back and Mrs.
Thing isn't here yet.
Mrs. Willis.
I don't know why it
rings a bell, Mother.
Look, I must go.
Did she ever live where?
Look, I don't know the woman.
I don't know where she lived.
Oh, hang on, here's Angie.
It's my mother.
I'm not here.
Oh, false alarm.
It was the paper boy.
-Read all about it!
-I must go.
I'll phone you later.
Bye.
Why does my mother
ring once a month
and yours ring once a day?
Ah, because she's
not my mother.
We're not moving, are we?
No, I'm--
I'm putting ornaments in a box.
What do you mean,
she's not your mother?
She's had you since you
were three months old.
Well, five.
I had two teeth.
Only two?
Whey are you putting
ornaments away?
Well, two's not
bad for five months.
Oh, because we don't
want her to think
-there'll be a lot of work.
-Who?
Mrs. Willis, our
new housekeeper.
She's not our new
housekeeper yet, you know.
Oh, she will be,
if we like her.
We must like her.
Oh, please, God, let's like her.
Because we need her.
So you keep saying.
I think it's a
ridiculous expense.
We manage perfectly well.
You manage, Angie,
because nothing
you wear needs ironing and
nothing you eat needs cooking.
She's got two arms, two legs,
and two pennyworth of brain
cells, I'm taking her on.
That's all very fine
and fancy, but how--
-[doorbell rings]
-Ah, there she is now.
Quick!
Hide these in the bathroom
and take all those tights
off the towel rail.
And-- and go and
answer the door.
Don't you talk
to me like that.
I'm not a student nurse.
Am I the master of
this house or not?
No, you are not.
You're a male chauvinist pig.
Oh, are those for me?
No, they're not.
They're for her.
[doorbell rings]
ANGIE PRICE: Do come
through, Mrs. Willis,
and meet the master
of the house.
IDA WILLIS: The what?
That's what he
likes to be called.
Ooh, does he?
Give in to that and
you'll live to regret it.
Break him in early.
I know.
How do you do?
This'll be him, I suppose.
Yes, this is me.
How do you do?
Pleased to meet you.
I shan't need you.
What?
It's the lady
I've come to see.
No, actually, it's
me you're here to see.
Well, I have now, haven't I?
I'll give you a shout
if I want you again.
Oh, but--
Don't "but."
Goats butt.
Now run along!
Bye!
What does he do for a living?
He's a doctor.
Oh, yeah, they told me.
I don't hold with it, you know.
Doctoring, boys of his age.
He did do five
years' training.
Well, so I should hope.
But he's still coming
nowhere near my left knee.
Can he make tea?
Did his five years'
training include that?
Well, he's never
made it for me.
Oh, well, you've
been too soft with him.
I saw that the minute I
walked through the door.
We'll see if he'll
make it for me.
Doctor, dear?
ROBERT PRICE: Yes?
Would you make us some tea?
We'll have it in here, shall we?
On a tray.
And cups and saucers, mind.
Ooh, I hate mugs.
I don't make tea.
Why not?
You've got two arms--
Two legs, and two
pennyworth of brain cells.
Look, uh, if I
do make this tea--
Use boiling water.
Right.
That was wonderful!
Right, now then.
First things first.
References.
Oh, lovely.
What do you want me to do
with that, cross it with silver?
Sorry?
Well?
What?
Where are they?
What?
Your references!
Mine?
Oh, more to the point, his.
Oh, I thought you
meant would I like
to look at your references?
I could get up and go.
But that'd mean
leaving you with him.
I'll give you a second chance.
Oh, thanks.
I'll approach you
from a different angle.
How long did your
last help stay?
Oh, well, we've never
had anyone before.
That was a foolish
thing to say, wasn't it?
Was it?
Well, you've given
me the upper hand now.
We'll move on to wages.
Ah, yes.
Well, Robert thought--
Ah, but write it down, love.
Then we don't have to talk.
All right.
Thank you.
Is that a three or an eight?
It's a three--
An eight.
Ah, it'd need to be.
And this is the
first month, is it?
Till I see if you'll suit.
I suppose so.
Ah, good.
And then if you do so, we can
put it up for the second month,
with a further
review after three.
That sounds fair, doesn't it?
I've made the tea.
So I see.
And spilt it in the saucer.
How many lumps?
How many lumps?
Ooh, you can tell he's medical.
None.
I'm sweet enough.
Before you sit down, there's one
little thing you can do for me.
Well?
Take them daffs out.
They depress me.
Anything else while
I'm on the move?
Sideboards?
Carpets?
Robert, don't be rude.
I feel rude.
You know, he
reminds me of someone.
Someone I didn't like.
Mrs. Willis, I
know he's difficult,
-but he is my husband.
-He'd better be.
I don't hold with
open plan living.
Here's our wedding photograph.
Oh, good.
Oh, very pretty.
You, not him.
That's a very large bouquet.
And how high you're holding it.
Do you know, that's
what Robert's aunt said?
I think she though
I was expecting.
Just shows you what
sort of mind she's got.
Were you?
No!
You say that as though
you don't want children.
-ANGIE PRICE: I don't.
-Does he?
No.
Well, that's the first good
thing I've heard about him.
Well, I think I could
be very happy here,
all things being equal.
I phoned Holland.
They're sorry you
don't like daffodils.
Where's me room?
It's across the hall.
It's not very big.
Uh, it's very small.
You'll hate it.
Shall I be the judge of that?
Just as long as there's room
for a bed and a color telly.
Oh.
Now you've worried
me with that "oh."
I will have a color
telly, won't I?
Yes.
Yes, you will.
When?
When we've moved that one.
Don't you move it, love.
He's the doctor.
Let him have the hernia.
Marvelous.
Bloody marvelous.
Quick, what do you think?
I can't think.
I'm too stunned to think.
I've never been so
bullied in all my life.
It'll do you good.
Oh, Angie, you're not even
considering taking her on.
I've taken her on.
We've even agreed her wages.
What are they?
I hope this eight's a three.
Well, I don't know why
you said it was small.
Have you got some
scissors, love?
Yes.
It's an eight.
Will these do?
Oh, thank you, love.
I just want to take a
snip off the curtains,
see if I can get a dye to match.
I don't like that
white bedspread.
It's cold.
Well, that's
reasonable, darling.
I mean, if she doesn't
like the color,
she just might just well--
Oh!
She's in our room, isn't she?
Hacking our curtains to bits.
We'll be all right
in the spare room.
What?
We can have bunk beds.
Oh!
[theme music]
THEME SONG: That's my boy!
[theme music]
THEME SONG: That's my boy!
Oh, aren't you doing
that beautifully!
I am, aren't I?
Mind you, it'll never
be a good table,
but at least it will smell nice.
It's 100 years old.
It's not, is it?
Oh, well, throw it out.
Let him buy you something new.
I've polished the taps.
Can I do anything else?
Yes.
You can come and give me
a hand with that clock
outside my bedroom door.
It's got to be shifted.
I'm not sure it
should be shifted.
It might upset its works.
Well, it's been
upsetting mine all night.
Tick, tock, tick, tock,
boing, boing, boing.
I never shut an eye.
And it's not a room you
can get up and roam in.
It was very kind of you to
let us have our own bedroom.
Ah, well, I did that
for your sake, love.
So just for my sake,
shift that clock.
Well, I suppose if we
move the coffee table,
we could put it up
against that wall.
Well, it's worth a try.
OK.
Right.
-You got it?
-Yep.
Hup!
There we are.
-Into the passage, then?
-Yes.
Right.
Mind you, is it a good idea
to have that clock in here?
It won't help the
telly, will it?
Boing, boing, boing.
Well, actually, it won't
matter, because we haven't
got a telly at the minute.
Ah, no more you have.
But remember what I said.
You're always welcome to
come in and watch mine.
You are.
Well, what time is it?
About 10:00.
Oh!
Time for our elevenses.
Mind you don't bump your leg.
It's just a thought,
but, uh, if you
were to get rid of that mirror,
we could put the clock there.
But that mirror's Louis XV.
Oh, give it back to him, love.
You've got enough
junk of your own.
Biscuit, love?
Go on.
They're Garibaldis.
I daren't.
Oh, it's that
modeling, isn't it?
It'll do you no good in the end.
I don't understand it.
People should look like
people, not pencils.
It's the fashion.
Ah.
All the same, it was good
of you to take the day off.
I mean, this place needed
a thorough going-through.
I'm afraid it did.
And I have no bookings, anyway.
Now you'll have to
explain that, dear.
Well, people ring my agent
and ask for me, you see.
And then she rings here
to confirm the booking.
I'd better ask this.
Does the doctor have an agent?
'Cause I'd hate
to go out shopping
and lose him an appendix.
No, no agent.
Well, only the National Health.
Oh, them.
Huh.
I've got a grudge against them.
Have had for 27 years.
27 years?
Be 28 in June.
Is this to do
with the left knee
you won't let Robert touch?
Haven't you got
a wonderful memory?
No, love, no.
No.
That was when I fell
off a number 17.
No, I was amply
compensated for that.
Well, 153 pounds and
a new pair of tights.
Then this grudge?
Well, do you
ever touch tiddly?
What?
It's only three stars,
but it does pack a punch.
Oh, what a relief!
You drink!
No, dear, I don't drink.
I just like the taste.
There we go.
Now we can be cozy.
It's funny how
I've taken to you.
I never thought I would,
you being the shape you are.
I'm sure you had a super
figure when you were my age.
How old are you, love?
24.
Ah, you're wrong, then.
I had a super figure when
I was 23, but 24, no.
Which brings me
back to my grudge.
But of course, I
never talk about that.
Oh.
Don't if you don't like to.
He was a hospital
porter, you see.
Who was?
My Mr. X. I was part-time
hospital canteen, and he
was part-time men's surgicals.
He punched out as I punched in.
So of course, we had to meet.
ANGIE PRICE: What happened?
Well, nothing, for
quite a long time.
Nearly a fortnight.
I was going mad.
He was a very
attractive man, dear.
Oh, you don't mean you--
I did.
And he did.
Three months later, I
had a 30-inch waist.
And he had a job on
an ocean-going liner.
Leaving you like that?
Oh, that's men for you, love.
At home each night,
they take their fun
and leave behind
what they've begun.
Many's the time my mother
said those words to me.
So what did you do?
Well, there was only
one thing I could do.
You had an abortion.
I had an eight-pound,
three-ounce boy.
Pregnant or not, I
had me principles.
What happened to the baby?
Shane.
He went to a good home.
Ooh, a big house with
wrought iron gates, and--
And privet hedges
shaped like peacocks.
Mmm.
Not that I ever
saw it, mind you.
Only the vicar who arranged
it all, he showed me a snap.
He had two teeth.
The vicar?
Shane.
And that's very good
for five months.
So you never
tried to trace him?
Not me.
I might have found him.
No, the last I heard was
when they sent me a picture.
They said it was taken
on his first birthday.
More teeth and less hair.
I'll show it to you.
Aww, you've kept the picture.
Well, I had to,
hadn't I, love?
I've written me national
insurance number on the back.
That's my Shane.
I've got a picture
of Robert somewhere
on his first birthday.
Yes, here he is.
This is Robert.
Oh, love, you've
given me Shane back.
And I've got Robert.
[loud bang]
ROBERT PRICE: Aaaahh!
Oh, god!
Whatever was that?
It's Robert!
He's fallen over
the coffee table.
I knew he'd grow up clumsy.
Ooh!
That woman has got to go.
Because of a bruised knee?
ROBERT PRICE: It's got
nothing to do with my knee.
Well, why has she
got to go, then?
Because I hate her.
Will that do?
Well, I like her.
We communicate.
Splendid.
-That'll make it easier.
-What?
ROBERT PRICE: Telling
her she's fired.
-But--
-Don't "but."
Goats butt.
Go and tell her now.
Oh, Robert--
It's your place.
Uh, Mrs. Price, love,
could I have a word?
Now's your chance, Angie.
I can't.
I'm waiting, dear.
Oh, lord!
Oh, I'm sorry to burst
in like that, love.
Were you in the
middle of something?
Well--
Only I couldn't
bear it any longer.
Bear what?
Well, me knowing who he is
and him not knowing who I am.
We can't go on like that, love.
We're sitting on
an unexploded bomb.
Are we?
Oh, yes.
One careless word, one drop
too many, we could either of us
give the whole thing away.
Oh, I don't think
that's likely.
Oh, don't you?
Well, I nearly did a minute ago.
Sitting there with his leg up.
There's nothing wrong with it.
Ooh, my palm itched.
One of these days,
I'll strike him!
-Oh, no!
-It's a mother's right.
Shoulder along, love.
Tell who I am and warn him in
future to mind his Ps and Qs.
You want me to--
That's right, love.
It's your place.
And he wants me to--
Oh, lord!
Ooh!
Did you tell her?
No.
Why not?
Something came up.
Something more important
than giving her the sack?
Do you know, I think it was?
Would you like a drink?
On top of two painkillers?
You trying to kill me?
That would be one way out.
Excuse me.
No, excuse me.
You didn't knock, Mrs. Willis.
Well, of course I didn't knock.
Families don't.
Families?
You haven't told
him, have you?
No, not yet.
I think I will
have that drink.
It's a quarter of an hour
since I took those pills.
Oh.
Look at those ears.
What about them?
Now look at mine.
The same.
My ears and his father's nose.
It couldn't be the other
way around, could it?
Ooh, I could weep.
I like his nose.
You can't.
What do you mean, she can't?
There's nothing
wrong with my nose.
It's a perfectly all right nose.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Come on, Angie,
get it over with.
Tell her.
That's just what
I was going to say.
Get it over with.
Tell him.
-[whimpers]
-All right, then.
Don't bother.
I'll tell her myself.
And I'll tell you meself.
Tell me what?
Tell me what?
Oh, stop it, both of you!
She's your mother,
and you're fired!
She's my-- oh, no.
Oh, tell me she's not.
She is.
She's got your picture.
And you've got her ears.
You're drunk.
No, but I'm working on it.
It's a trick, isn't it?
You're trying to blackmail me.
Ooh, how that takes me back.
That's just what your daddy said
when I broke the happy news.
[phone ringing]
Hello, Price residence.
Would you hold on
one moment, please?
It's for Shane.
Shane?
That's your name, Robert.
I don't believe any of this.
It must be the drink
and the tablets.
Who's on the phone?
To whom am I
speaking to, please?
Oh.
We meet again.
It's your other mummy.
[theme music]
THEME SONG: That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy.
That's my boy!