That Girl (1966–1971): Season 5, Episode 24 - The Elevated Woman - full transcript

Honey?

Uh-huh?

My article on
women's lib is missing.

Oh, well you're looking
in the wrong place.

I'm looking in the magazine.

Well, you won't
find it in there.

I know I won't find it in...

It's in my sandwich.

You put the article
in my sandwich.

Well, it's just my
little way of saying

I'd like you to eat your words.



Ann.

Although, I will grant you,

they are a bit hard to swallow.

This article really
bothered you?

Mm-hmm.

Honey, I told you,
I wrote this article

about a fictional girl.

Oh, Donald, really?

Just because you
called her Arlene Morgan

doesn't fool me a bit.

You didn't even bother
to change the initials.

I... I'm telling you,
it's just a coincidence.

I wrote this
article about a girl

who believed in
women's liberation



and freedom for women
and independence.

Now, you're
certainly not that girl.

Are you that girl?

♪ Diamonds,
daisies, snowflakes ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Chestnuts,
rainbows, springtime ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She spins a lot of dreams ♪

♪ She's everything that
every girl should be ♪

♪ Sable, popcorn, white wine ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Gingham, bluebirds, Broadway ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She's mine alone,
but luckily for you ♪

♪ If you find a girl to love ♪

♪ Only one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be
That Girl, too ♪

That Girl!

How 'bout this one?

You're beautiful
when you're mad.

That's what appeals to you?

What I look like?

Not my intelligence?

Not my mind?

Honey, what are you doing?

These are
conversations girls have

with people they don't like.

I'm leaving in an hour.

Now, let's talk and play nicely.

You're not leaving.
We're leaving.

Ann, I told you, you will
not enjoy the hockey game.

We are not leaving to
go to the hockey game,

number one. And number two,

I just wanna know

why men won't play
poker with women?

Why they won't watch
a football game with us?

Why they won't take
us to a hockey game?

Number three must be a beauty.

The reason you won't
play poker with us

is because you're afraid
we might be better than you.

And if you lost to us,

you'd lose your masculinity.

- Me?
- Yes, you.

Honey, I have no insecurity

about my masculinity.

Donald, do you remember the time

I got mugged in Central Park?

[chuckles] Oh, I suppose
you were mugged

by an anti-women's
liberation mugger.

Hey! Hey, cut that out.

- Sir.
- Lady, please.

What do you think you're doing?

Stop it or I'll scream.

Ahh! Come back here. Robber!

That was just another
case of the male

asserting his strength
over the female.

What's all that got to
do with my masculinity?

Ugh, that's another little
ploy you men always use.

We, huh?

Forgetting all
the salient points.

You don't remember
how you joined

that special park detail
to help catch the mugger.

And then, you came over here
to show me your police outfit.

- [knock at door]
- Oh, Daddy, would
you get that?

Who is it, Daddy?

I'm not sure.

Well, it's... It's
me, Mr. Marie,

Don Hollinger.

Yes, of course.

How silly of me.

Who's at the... Donald?

Hi, honey.

I, uh... I wanted
to surprise ya.

Oh, you did?

You did.

Why do we have to
have this discussion?

Why today, when the
Rangers are playing Boston?

Because tonight, I'm taking you

to my women's
liberation meeting.

Impossible, I am going
to the hockey game.

You can still make it
to the hockey game.

Our meeting is
from 6:30 'til 7:30,

and you can be to your
game which starts at 8.

- Ann.
- Oh, Donald.

All the girls are bringing

their husbands or boyfriends.

And, we want the
men to hear first hand

what the movement
is really all about.

Oh, please, Donald.
It's very important to me.

Please, Donald.

Really, I... It would
mean so much to me.

Please say you will.

Please just do
this, this one favor.

Well, all right.

If it's so important to ya.

Well, don't do me any favors.

[bell rings]

Oh, Donald, it is
really unbelievable.

We have known each
other for five years,

and we've gone out
about a thousand times.

But, the one time I ask you

to go someplace I
want... Uh, hold it.

This is the one time
you've asked me

to go someplace you wanted?

That's right. You
always say where

we're going. I never do.

That's one of the
things we discussed

at one of our meetings.
The man always makes

all the arrangements
for the dates,

the time, where you're going,

- everything.
- Uh-huh.

Well, can I mention, perhaps,

one or two little times
that you decided?

What are you
dressed like that for?

Oh, well my blue
suit's in the cleaner's.

Donald, picnics
are usually informal.

Yeah, but meeting
your folks is no picnic.

Will you not think of it
as meeting my folks?

We are just driving up there

to pick up my hi-fi
set. And on the way,

we're gonna have
a really lovely picnic.

Yeah, but at the end of
that really lovely picnic,

I'm gonna meet your folks.

And that's what I'm dressed for.

There is nothing
to be nervous about.

You're a reporter.

You should be used
to meeting people.

People is not your father.

Pretend he's somebody else,

like the President.

[shoes squish]

[groans]

Well?

Well, it's like I figured.

We're stuck in the mud.

You think we'll
be able to get out?

I don't know. We can try.

But, look. You'll have to drive.

Oh, Donald.

One of us has to drive,

and one of us has to push.

If it's multiple
choice, I'll drive.

Now... Now, look.

What we have to do
is take it slow and easy

and there's a good
chance we can get out.

Now, what you have to do,

is ease out the
clutch very slowly.

- Very slowly.
- Right.

Now, okay. Start the car.

- Okay.
- [car starts]

Okay, now. Okay.

As you ease out the clutch,

please, just
give it a little gas.

Just a little gas, okay?

- Okay, a little gas.
- Okay, now.

All right. Wait a minute.

- All right, anytime.
- [engine hums]

[tires screech]

Oh, Donald, I gave
it just a little gas.

Well, Donald, after all,

one out of a thousand
isn't that much.

Honey, it's not one
out of a thousand.

That's just one place we
went to that you initiated.

What about all the
places we went to that

you and your own
sweet, charming, cute

little way coerced
me into selecting?

Coerced you?

Yes, coerced. Wheedled.

Wheedling and coercion,

the top two female weapons.

I never wheedled you.

Hah, never wheedled?

What about the time you asked me

to write an act for you?

♪ The only love
I've ever known ♪

♪ Oh, why, oh, why ♪

♪ Did she stand in front of ♪

♪ The guns of
Navarrone, boom, boom ♪

- Do some more.
- Ah, no more.

I'd rather remember it kindly.

You know, Donald, I'll
bet if you'd stuck with it,

you could have had a great
career in show business.

- As what?
- As a writer.

No, you're very good,

and you were very
good in college.

And you know that
speech you did last year

for the press dinner?

That was very funny.

It was supposed to be serious.

See? You're a natural.

Donald, you know
what I'm thinking?

Yeah. Do you know
what I'm thinking?

That I should stop
thinking what I'm thinking.

You're right.

Am I neither ready, willing,
nor able to write for you.

But, Donald, why?

Well, the able part is obvious.

I am not a comedy writer.

But your songs are adorable.

They're very funny and
they're very imaginative.

Besides, I've always
said it's dangerous

to write for the girl you love.

You never said that?

Well, I'm saying it now.

Oh, Donald.

Think of how much
fun it would be.

I mean, who knows my
character as intimately as you do?

[Don chuckles]

I wish you wouldn't
put it that way.

Donald.

Won't you do it for me?

As a favor?

I knew you'd put it that way.

Will you do it?

Well, look, honey, you
can't expect too much.

You see, sweetheart, the trouble

with all you women for
liberation is you don't realize

you have it the
best possible way.

It's handed to you, rather
than held back from you.

Oh, Donald, that is terrible.

That is really terrible.

- Floors, please.
- 9.

- 4.
- 10.

[Elevator Operator]
Second floor.

Oh, pardon me.

Oh. Not yet.

Are you mad at me, honey?

No, I'm not mad at you.

I just... I just never
realized how bad you were.

Huh, you're just like all men.

Is there something
wrong with that?

Fourth floor.

We're next.

You just came so you
could leave, didn't you?

Being with you
anywhere until 7:30

is better than being alone.

- Ninth floor next.
- That's us.

[crash]

- What was that?
- What is it?

- What happened?
- Trouble, Frankie?

Not unless anybody's in
a hurry to go any place.

- What?
- What happened?

We've lost our power.

[all shouting]

You mean we're stuck?

Of all nights.

Right. Okay.

Anybody expecting a
baby or anything like that?

We have no emergencies, Maxie.

Take your time.

"Take your time"?

What does "take your time" mean?

Well, what's your emergency?

I will be dead.

Killed by ten guys

who will miss
tonight's hockey game

because I went to a
women's liberation meeting.

- You've got all the tickets?
- Yes.

You mean, if you don't
show up with them,

they can't buy any others?

Honey, the game's been
a sell-out for months.

Well, Donald, if
you'd invited me,

I wouldn't have
come here tonight

and you wouldn't
have had any problem.

Co-educational sports
do not work for us.

Football you don't understand,
baseball you talk through.

- I like bowling.
- Bowling?

Bowling is a perfect example

of the evil of
co-educational sports.

"Frank Sladak bowls in
competition with his toe,

averaging 118 a game."

It's right here in
this magazine.

Can you believe that?

I couldn't even get
118 with my arm.

That's impossible.

Nobody can bowl
118 with their toe.

Van Gogh painted with one ear.

Well, you know what I mean.

Yeah, I do, and it
kind of scares me.

Now let me finish this speech.

Why not?

I mean, a person
could do anything

if they really try hard enough.

- Donald.
- Huh?

I think I've figured
out what's so tough

about toe bowling.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

Letting go of the ball.

What are you doing?

Well, I, uh... It
won't come off.

W... Won't come off?

Well, no.

- I forgot about that.
- Mm-hmm.

That's half the problem with the
entire women's liberation movement.

- What's half the problem?
- Amnesia.

Oh, Donald.

All the things you
ladies are asking for

you have and have had.

The problem is you
don't remember having it.

Well, that's just ridiculous.

It is not ridiculous.

You say you don't have
independence. You do have it.

You just keep forgetting
that, as a woman,

you can't do everything.

There are very few things
we can't do as well as any man.

Uh-huh. Like all
the jobs you've had?

Like what?

Like when you sold
shoes door to door.

- Yeah?
- Good day, sir.

I represent the Smart
and Stunning Shoe Service.

If I buy something of yours,
will you buy something of mine?

What?

I'm a door-to-door
salesman, too.

I handle the Little
Jiffy Housewife Helper.

It peels, pares, slices, juices.

And it's lightweight
and it's compact.

You can also use
it as a flashlight.

Now, this little item sells
in all the stores for 2.25.

But since you're
in the business...

- [snaps]
- tell you what
I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna let you have
this little item for $1.85,

and I want you to
know I'm losing money.

What do you say?

Boy, I wish I had
your technique.

Or when you worked
in a department store.

You say that this
perfume is for a girl?

Yes. Uh, yes.

Most of the boys I know

have switched to shaving lotion.

Ah. Well, no.

What I meant was,

is it for a young girl
or for an older woman?

Well, it's for a younger
woman or an older girl.

I'll take either.

Oh, here's something
that's just marvelous.

It's called Springtime,
and it has a...

Oh, s... Oh,
sorry. I'm so sorry.

I thought it was
the shaking out...

Oh, I see you are
having a little trouble

selecting a perfume.

Uh, are you the stupid girl

who waited on me the other day?

Well, I don't believe I
waited on you before,

but I'd be glad to help you now.

Well, I bought a
box of bubble bath,

and a stupid salesgirl
gave me the wrong box.

[gasps]

Oh! Oh, that must've been me.

I'm the stupid salesgirl.

- Let's see.
- [clattering]

Oh. I'm so sorry.

Miss Daly, I'm sorry.
I'll pick them right up.

Leave them alone, Miss Marie.
Someone will pick them up.

That's all right. I don't mind.

- After all, it was...
- Leave them alone.

I suppose this spoils my
chance of being kept on

after the sale is over.

This spoils your
chances of being kept on

until the sale is over.

Y-You mean I'm fired?

As of this very moment.

Yes, Miss Daly.

Well, Donald, I am
not a shoe salesman

or a perfume person.

I'm an actress.

And believe me, nobody
can get to a producer

like an imaginative actress.

May I help you?

You can't go in there.

Come on, I didn't order a
single one of these things.

You can't do that.

- [all talking]
- Lady, we're in a hurry.

Will you stop?

What? What is
all... Who was that?

Oh, that's, uh, Miss Ann Marie.

[door closes]

You are kidding.

Listen, uh, how long you think

we're gonna have
to wait for her, huh?

I... I'd say about
ten seconds, tops.

Three, two, one.

Carol, show this person out.

- [crash]
- What was that?

Just releasing
one of the relays.

Nothing to worry about.

Don't move, sweetheart.

I like you just that way.

- Worried?
- No.

Realizing that women
turn to men for protection.

I didn't tell you
to hold on to me.

- Ugh.
- Honey, honey.

Now, come on. Admit it.

If there were no men here,

you'd be a lot more
worried than you are.

Donald, I'm relying on you

because I'm used
to relying on you.

But if I were here by
myself and you weren't here,

I could easily cope
with the situation.

Mm-hmm. I see.

Like the time we had a
visit from a federal agent

who you thought
was a paid killer?

[knocking at door]

[whispering] Who's that

[whispering] I don't know.

Donald, hide the ball.

Okay, okay.

It's me, Miss Marie.
Can I come in?

Oh, uh, really, um, Mister...

Please, please. I'm...
I want to talk to you.

Oh, hi, there.

[squeaky] Hello.

[clears throat] Hello.

We were just leaving.

Weren't we just leaving, Donald?

Please, just a
minute of your time.

I'm... Well, I'm
almost desperate.

Oh, desperate? Well, sure.

I mean, in that
case, come right in.

Messy. Real messy.

Here.

I suppose the best thing
is to begin with the truth.

Y-Yes. Uh, by all means.

Excuse me.

Uh, before you start,

do you mind if I talk
to Ann for a second?

Not at all, but I don't
have much time.

We don't, either.

[clears throat]

Donald, what are we going to do?

I-I don't know. I don't know.

He's probably here to get
the stuff and leave town.

Now, shh! Please, Ann, be quiet.

- Let me think.
- The back door.

We'll go out the back door.

Oh, Donald, I don't
have a back door.

- What are we gonna do?
- I know one thing, young lady.

You're going in the
bedroom, and lock the door.

- No good.
- Now don't argue with me.

But, Donald, I gotta go
through the living room

to get to the bedroom.

- And he's in the living room.
- Yes.

Yeah, that's a good argument.

All right. Now... Here.
Bop him with that.

- I don't think so.
- Wait a minute.

Here, here. Use that.

A potato peeler?

He'll be shooting,
I'll be peeling.

Oh, Donald.

[Man] Miss Marie!

I have to hurry!

Just a minute!

Donald, Donald, let's just
give him what he wants.

- It's our only chance.
- Yeah, yeah.

All right. All right.

He probably won't
get very far anyway.

And at least we can
live to read about it, huh?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- Coming!
- Yeah. Okay.

Now, please, don't be
scared. I'll take care of him.

I'll just talk to him.
That's all. Come on.

All right. Okay, ready?

[continues indistinctly]

Now, then, Mister, uh...

- Uh, uh...
- Johnson.

Yeah, yeah. Johnson. Johnson.

Uh, as you were saying.

First, I think you should
know my name is not Johnson.

We know all about it.

We saw the picture.

What picture?

Uh, right here. Right...

- Right here.
- [paper rustling]

That picture, right there.

Oh, that.

That's part of the job.

I can imagine.

And here, you can have
your old baseball, too.

But don't worry. You
won't get too far, Mr. X.

Mister... No wonder
you're acting strange.

- I'd better...
- [screams]

Well, I'm just
getting out my wallet.

FBI?

[buzzer]

Yep?

Good, Maxie.

What did "good, Maxie" say?

They found the trouble.
They got someone on it.

We'll be all set to
go in a few minutes.

- All right.
- All right?

You'll make it to your
hockey game, you mean.

Right.

And you won't come to my
women's liberation meeting.

Honey, I can do both.

I'll meet a little, listen
to a couple of speeches,

and still get to The
Garden on time.

That sounds fair.

Honey, now stop thinking
you're being picked on.

Believe me, you ladies
generally get along pretty well.

Well, I-I'll just have
to think about it.

Think? Well, what is
there to think about?

Is it the money?

Yes, yes, that's
it. Th-That's it.

The money. I just
couldn't afford it.

[chuckles] The
price I can get you,

you couldn't afford
not to have one.

Listen, why don't we just
go over to your desk there?

I mean, your pen is there
and your pad is there,

and you probably want
to be real close to them

so that we can make
out this transaction.

Oh.

Oh, it's you.

This is Mr. Rudolph.

He was just straightening
everything out

about the desk with me.

Good for you.

Yes, he's just taking
care of everything.

Heh, so I can see.

Well, have fun.

Hey, wait a minute.

Who is he?

He's the fellow I
wanted to get the desk,

but I don't think he understood.

Well, uh, let's not
worry about him.

He's already got a desk.

Let's see if we can, uh,
find something for you.

Well, actually,
as a matter of fact,

this is just the desk I want.

I love this desk. I
really want this desk.

When smart girls
play their cards right,

they get exactly what they want.

That's a built-in thing
women have, Donald...

Being able to protect ourselves.

But if men respected us more,

we wouldn't have to
do so much protecting.

[hydraulics whirring]

Well, that's it.
We're on our way.

- Oh, terrific.
- Ninth floor.

Tenth floor next, 10.

[chattering]

- Oh, hi, Ann.
- What happened
to the meeting?

- It's over.
- You're kidding.

- It's only a quarter to 7.
- You're right.

This must be Don Hollinger.

- Yes.
- Yes.

What happened to the meeting?

No men showed up.

- None?
- None.

He would have been
the only one there.

- Not one showed?
- Not one.

Between bowling and poker
and the New York Rangers,

it would have taken Raquel Welch

to make them show up.

Is she a member?

Young man, we are going
to try again next week.

- I have to go to the movies.
- We'll be here.

Yeah, all right, but I may not
be able to contribute much.

Why not?

Well, you see, I
know I'm going to be

in this terrible
state of exhaustion

from climbing
ten flights of stairs

because I'm not going to
press my luck with this elevator.

Aw, Donald, don't you worry.

I'll look after you.

- [knocking at door]
- Who is it?

[Don] It's me, honey.

Hi, Donald. How was the game?

Fantastic!

A 2-all tie. We
took out the goalie.

Oh, that's nice. Where'd you go?

When?

After the game when
you took out the goalie.

Honey, we took out the goalie
while the game was still on.

- But if you took out...
- Hold it, Gracie.

When I said we
took out the goalie...

I know, I know.

You take out the goalie
and put on an extra man

in the forward position
to tie up the score.

- You know all that?
- Mm-hmm.

Hockey: The
World's Fastest Sport.

Did you know there's a
woman hockey player?

- You're kidding.
- No.

She plays goalie
somewhere in Michigan.

You know, Donald, I find
that very encouraging...

Women in hockey,
women jockeys...

You know, I don't mind women
doing any of those things.

There's just one place
they should keep girls out of.

Where?

Women's liberation meetings.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪ Diamonds,
daisies, snowflakes ♪

♪ That Girl ♪

♪ Chestnuts,
rainbows, springtime ♪

♪ Is That Girl ♪

♪ She's mine alone,
but luckily for you ♪

♪ If you find a girl to love ♪

♪ Only one girl to love ♪

♪ Then she'll be
That Girl, too ♪

That Girl!