That Girl (1966–1971): Season 4, Episode 8 - Write is Wrong - full transcript
Ann and Donald are invited to the launch party of the third season of The Barry Forbes Show, a successful comedy television show on which Ann once appeared. The show's producer, Harry Cook, remembers Ann and recognizes Donald's name from Newsview articles. Through party chit chat, Ann and Cook convince Donald that it would be a great idea to turn one of his articles, the one about the time they were all snowed in at JFK Airport, into a script for the show, with Ann playing herself. Despite Donald not considering himself either a comedy writer or a script writer, he agrees on the clause that Ann does indeed play herself. Donald runs into external problems when those around him give him pointers on what to write or not to write, fact or fiction. Ann ultimately loves the warm, sensitive script Donald writes, which also gives Barry Forbes some real acting to do. However, Milton East, the show's story editor, hates the script, and Cook himself, while liking the script, feels it's not right for the show. So East will go through the process of heavy editing, with some of those edits ridiculing those close to Donald and Ann all in the name of garnering some laughs. Ann is torn about what to do. She feels like quitting if only to be faithful to Donald, who she got into this situation. However, Cook threatens to ruin her career if she walks out on her contract. Ann has the more difficult job of telling Donald that his script will not be what is filmed and aired if she has the nerve.
Oh, look, Donald. That's him.
No, no, wait a minute.
No, that's not him.
Yes, it is. No,
no, that's not him.
Who? Barry Forbes.
That's him.
How do you know? You said
you never even watch his show.
I saw it the night
you were on it.
Great performance,
you have to admit.
He wad fair. I mean me.
You were sensational. Thank you.
Well, I was good enough
to get us invited to this party
for the start of
their third season.
Despite that, you
were sensational.
Donald, I think it's very
exciting being invited
to a big party like this for a
show going into its third year.
Uh, you should have seen
the party my mother gave for me
when I went into my third year.
The chocolate syrup
flowed like orange juice.
Oh, look. There's Harry
Cook, the producer.
I wonder if he remembers me.
Come on, I'll introduce
you. Oh, honey.
Well, thank you so much.
We'll hope for the best.
Hi, Mr. Cook. Remember me?
Oh, of course. Ann
Marie, wasn't it?
Still is. Ha ha ha!
Little cocktail
party joke there.
Where? That's another one.
Hi.
This is Donald
Hollinger, Mr. Cook.
Hollinger. Donald Hollinger.
Oh, you're the writer
on Newsview magazine.
That's right.
And very good, too.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
He really is.
You know, Donald is so
witty and bright with his writing,
I really think he should
write for television.
She's a little prejudiced.
Have you ever thought
of doing a TV script?
Not really. I'm so busy
down at the magazine
and then I'm working on a novel.
Oh, Donald, the novel can wait.
You'd really make a
great television writer.
Of course, if you think that you
should just stick with your novel,
then maybe you should.
Mainly he's a novelist.
Another flop party.
Haven't gotten one
new phone number yet.
Milton, you were asking before,
"Who's gonna send us some
fresh new writers for the season?"
Well, I think we just got one...
from that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
Oh, thank you.
You don't drink,
do you, Hollinger?
Uh, it's turning out that way.
You remember that article we read
in Newsview a couple of months ago.
It was about an actress who'd gotten
snowed in at Kennedy during the blizzard.
Oh! Hollinger!
Yes, you wrote that.
And it was marvelous.
Donald's way too
modest to say so.
But it got him a raise
from his publisher.
You know, come to think of it, that
was about you, wasn't it, Miss Marie?
Mm-hmm.
But I wasn't the
star of the article.
The writing was the star.
I thought when I read it
that would make a very
good television show for us.
I was the star of the article.
How about it, Hollinger?
Would you like to take a crack
at doing a script on it for us?
Well, that's very
nice of you, Mr. Cook,
but I'm not a television writer.
We might consider hiring
Miss Marie to play herself in it.
[gasps] Oh, my gosh!
Oh, Donald! Wouldn't
that be exciting?
Oh, that's fantastic, Mr. Cook!
I mean, a staring
role on your show!
Uh, of course the decision
is Donald's own to make.
I'm butting out of it entirely.
Well, give it some
thought. We will.
I really meant it, Donald.
If you don't want to be
bothered writing the script
or you don't have the time...
or if you hate me, don't do it.
Honey. I'm just kidding.
Beginner's luck.
Don't you remember
where you put them?
Oh, here's mine.
Maybe I didn't come with a coat.
Of course you came
with a coat, Donald.
It's 30 degrees outside.
Maybe I came with
a couch. Here it is.
Uh, excuse me, gentlemen.
[hiccups] I seem to have
walked away with the wrong coat.
Yeah, that's my
coat you have on.
Not so fast, buster.
I ain't gonna take this coat off
until I find my own coat...
because if somebody
can steal my coat
then it's perfectly legitimate
for me to steal
somebody else's coat.
Yeah, but you're not
gonna steal my coat.
Steal? Steal your coat?
Did I hear you
accuse me of stealing?
Did you hear him
accuse me of stealing?
No, you see... Shh.
I know what it is.
You wanna fight, is that it?
Okay. Okay.
Would you please hold my coat?
Oh, for heaven's
sake! There's my coat!
Thank you very much.
[both laugh]
Now, I want it clear, and
I want it in the contract
that if I do this Miss
Marie plays herself.
You got it. No argument.
It'd be great publicity
for us to have her in it.
A true story with the girl
herself playing herself.
I'll call her agent
this afternoon.
Yeah, but don't
tell her I insisted.
Tell her it was your idea.
It is my idea.
Believe me, if she
wasn't good enough for it,
I wouldn't let her do it.
Good.
Okay, now how much control
do I have over the final script?
What do you mean?
Well, if I write it,
I want what I write
to go on the program.
I don't want it changed around
to suit Barry Forbes'
tastes or anyone else's.
Hollinger, the
reason we want you
is because you're
new to television.
We want your style,
your fresh approach.
Now don't worry
about it so much.
Here, sign the contract.
Uh, is there a clause in here
about Miss Marie playing herself?
Right on the front page.
Okay, fine. Thank you.
You're a cautious
man. [chuckles]
How are you gonna write
Barry Forbes into the script?
I guess they'll be a boyfriend
doing the same thing I did.
You know, stuck out at the airport
with you trying to figure out a way
how to get you back into the
city in time for your audition.
You know, Donald, there's
something I've been dying to ask you.
Are you gonna write a
kissing scene in there?
You know, where
I have to kiss him?
I don't know. We'll
see how it works out.
Could you do that, Donald?
What?
Write a scene where I
have to kiss someone else?
If the script
called for it, sure.
I couldn't do that.
Kiss him?
No, write a scene where
you'd have to kiss him...
Uh, her... a lady.
That's why I'm a writer,
and you're a steak
and pepper maker.
[knock on door]
Who is it? Your best friend.
Come in, Ruthie.
Hi! Hi.
Oh, Don's here.
Did I know?
Of course, that's why I'm here.
Hello, Ruth.
Oh, what a relief.
I was afraid now that you're
a bit TV writer, you'd forget me
and the great part I played in
that story you're writing about us.
Us? What do you mean us?
Oh, Ann, dear Ann. Of course us.
Would I leave you out?
Donald, I have a feeling
Ruthie's got something
on her mind about the script,
and I think it
involves being in it.
That's why we're best friends
because you know me so well.
Now, Donald, before I tell you
how you can work me into it...
have you already?
No.
Oh, well, there's
no need to feel bad.
I figured out exactly
how you can comfortably
and very naturally force me in.
[phone rings]
Oh, that's probably me
calling to tell Don my great idea.
You should be so
proud to be Don's girl.
Hello. Donald Hollinger's
girlfriend speaking.
Oh. Hi, Daddy.
What kind of way is that
to answer a telephone?
No, Daddy, I was just
sitting here with Donald,
and I'm so proud of him, Daddy.
He's writing a
script about the time
that he and I went out to Kennedy
Airport to see you and Mother off.
Remember we all got snowed in?
Is that right? Put him on.
Oh. Oh, just a minute.
Daddy wants to
talk to you, Donald.
Me? Oh, sure.
Is that any way to
answer a telephone?
Hello, Mr. Marie.
I'm fine, thank you.
How are you? Hello.
Now listen to me,
Hollinger. Yes, sir.
Is this thing you're writing
going to be a comedy script?
Well, I hope so. That's
the way I'm writing it.
Did you find anything
particularly funny
about me hording 40
sandwiches in a locker
when they ran low on food?
Yes, sir, as a
matter of fact, I did.
And is it possible
this situation
might find its way into
your comedy script?
Very possible.
Tell you what,
Hollinger. You put that in,
and I'll forbid my daughter
to ever see you again.
What? What? What's he saying?
As a matter of fact, I'll
sue you and the program
for defamation of character.
What? What? Please, honey.
Don't try to sweet-talk me.
Now put "Donald Hollinger's
girlfriend speaking" back on the phone.
Uh, yes, sir.
Hi, Daddy.
Ann, if you appear
on any television show
in which I'm made a fool of,
I will publically appear
on the 11:00 news
that very same
night and disown you.
What are you talking about?
Ask Benedict Arnold there.
Look, the reason I called was
that I'll be in town Thursday night,
and if you're still my daughter,
I'll have dinner with you.
Well, I'll be your
daughter till 8:00.
The show doesn't
go on till then.
Good.
How's Mother?
Oh, she's fine.
Good-bye. Good-bye, Daddy.
What was he talking about?
He doesn't want
me to write anything
about the 40 cheese
sandwiches he ordered.
[phone rings]
Hello.
That's how you answer
a telephone. Good-bye.
Good-bye.
What was that?
That was Daddy checking
on how I say hello.
Oh. Well, now, Donald,
here's what you can do
with the Ruthie Bauman part.
Oh.
Here's Ruthie Bauman checking
on how you say good-bye.
Bye.
[door opens and closes]
Oh, Donald, what
have I gotten you into?
You? Nothing.
I know you're only
doing this because of me,
and now everybody's trying
to tell you how to write it.
[chuckles] Don't let
it bother you, honey.
I already have the show pretty
well worked out in my mind,
and I'm gonna write it that way.
Good, because that's
the way it should be,
because you're terrific.
And I'm sure you
won't even need these.
What?
Well, just a few
little recollections
that I had of that day that
I thought might be helpful.
Oh. [chuckles]
Look at that.
An envelope filled
with these torn papers.
Just... Just...
Oh.
Oh, Donald, it's wonderful!
Really, it's so warm
and so wonderful.
Well, honey, it's not the
hilarious "ha ha" funny
kind of stuff they
do on that show.
Well, it shouldn't be.
You've got the star
acting and looking like
an intelligent human
being for a change.
It's warm and it's
sensitive humor.
I just love it.
Who's Cindy?
Cindy in the script? You.
Yeah, but I mean, why Cindy?
I mean, how did you come
up with the name Cindy?
Was there a girl someplace in the
back of your mind... Cindy from the past?
[chuckles] No, honey,
there was no Cindy.
You're just a Cindy to me.
If you weren't an Ann, I'd
guess you were a Cindy.
Oh. All right, I
can accept that.
If you weren't a
Donald, you'd be a...
Turn your head.
No, if you weren't a Donald,
you couldn't be anything
but just a Donald.
And the most perfect Donald
ever made for that name.
Well, you can call your father
and tell him he doesn't
have to worry about the script.
No, I'm not going to.
I'm just gonna let him find our
for himself when he watches it.
And Ruthie?
I'm not gonna tell her, either.
She's gonna be thrilled.
Where's that part?
Page 24, I think.
Oh, yeah.
"Cindy passes a little boy
"who is petrified and
clutching his puppy.
"'Hi, little guy. What's
your puppy's name"
'Ruthie. And she's only 3 months
old and scared of the snow'."
A puppy named
Ruthie. You're terrible.
You can tell your producer he
can change that if he wants to,
but that's all, nothing else.
Oh, Donald.
They're not gonna want
to touch a word. You'll see.
Donald Hollinger?
He is the worst!
I can't believe it.
How could you have
done this to me, Harry?
All right, Milton, settle down.
Settle down?
My name goes up on
that screen as story editor.
When this junk hits the
air, nobody's going to say,
"Donald
What's-His-Name is rotten."
Hollinger. Hollinger!
They're going to say
"Milton East, the
story editor, is rotten."
This isn't a television
script. Where are the laughs?
I found it very warm.
If I want something
warm, I'll buy a blanket.
Could I just say something? No!
Milton, Miss Marie happens to
be a good friend of Hollinger's.
She is? Wonderful. And
you want to say something?
Yes, I would.
Then say to your good
friend he can't write!
That would be saying something.
Very nice.
Thank you. I'll
see you tomorrow.
Well, I'll be up all
night rewriting this thing.
It's no thing. You're right.
But the "O" is soft: Nothing.
Oh, don't feel bad, Ann.
Milton will whip it into shape.
It doesn't need
whipping. It needs loving.
So do I. Free tonight? No!
Look, honey, you can't
blame a guy for trying.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to yell at you.
I guess I'm just a little bit
nervous over this whole thing.
Free tomorrow night?
No, no, that's a bad idea.
Tomorrow night's
definitely out. Ciao.
Bye.
Well, they can all be a
little rough, can't they, Ann?
Yeah, they sure can.
Well, Wednesday, we'll tape it.
Thursday, it'll be on,
and it'll be a smash.
Yeah, but it won't be Donald's.
Look, Ann, what
Donald wrote was good.
It just wasn't
right for the show.
Well, neither am I.
Ann.
No, I'm sorry,
Mr. Cook, I mean it.
I... I just can't
do this to Donald.
If it wasn't for me,
he never would have
gotten involved
in this whole thing.
And now, because of me,
he's gonna be all hurt
and insulted and everything
because of whatever it is that
Milton's gonna do to his script.
And I'm sorry, I just
can't be a part of it.
Ann, you don't know
what you're talking about.
Quitting is what I'm talking
about, and I know about it.
Now, Ann...
Sit down, just for
a minute, okay?
Okay.
Now, I'm being
very patient with you,
and I'm gonna say
this as nicely as I can.
[clears throat]
In the first place,
I've already admitted I
liked Donald's script, okay?
In the second place,
it's too late to replace you.
If you walk out on this job,
you'll never work
in television again.
You wouldn't do that
to me, would you?
You... you
couldn't... could you?
You could and you would.
And I should.
That sure take care
of all the "oulds."
Now, in the third place,
and as corny as this may sound,
I really think Irving
Berlin said it best:
There's no people
like show people.
They smile when they're low.
You signed the contract, Ann.
Honor your signature.
[sighs] What am I
gonna say to Donald?
Well, that's a problem.
I'm afraid I don't know.
Oh, sure. You have a
first place, a second place,
and a third place.
But when I need a
fourth place, you run out.
[knock on door]
Just a minute.
Hi.
Hi, you wonderful,
marvelous, perfect...
You may not know much
about saying hello on the phone,
but you're great on
hellos at the door.
How was the reading?
Did they like the script?
Did they like it? Why
shouldn't they like it?
You're only the best writer
in the whole city of New York.
Come on. Have some champagne.
So I'm the best writer
in the city of New York,
but how did I do in video land?
Well, Donald, it was
just really amazing.
I mean, I've been to a lot
of script readings in my life,
but I've never seen everybody
unanimously get so excited.
Oh! That's great! Yes.
By the way, Thursday night
when we watch it... Watch it?
Yeah, we're gonna
watch it here, aren't we?
Uh... Thursday night?
Uh, I thought you were taking
me out to dinner Thursday night?
We'll go out afterwards.
Your father is coming
to town, too, remember?
We'll all watch it here,
and then I'll buy us
all dinner afterwards,
including a special
guest of honor.
Who? Jonathan Adams.
Your publisher?
Yes, ma'am.
I told him about
his part in the script.
Well, you did write
about him very nicely.
It's kinda good for his image.
And if he likes it,
it'll be great for mine.
"Your publisher
is a blithering fool!"
"You're right,
and I'd tell him that
"if he knew what
blithering meant.
"As a matter if fact, I'd tell him
that if I knew what blithering meant.
"I mean, nobody knows
what blithering means.
How many people ever blither?"
You're beautiful, Milton.
You saved another one.
But it's wrong!
The publisher of
Newsview magazine
is a very bright and
intelligent and a sensitive man!
All right. Uh,
let's read scene 4.
Now that's the one
where the father
finds out they're running
out of food at the airport,
and he tries to
buy 60 sandwiches.
40.
Wait a second!
That wasn't in there!
Nothing was in there. Nothing.
The article in Newsview
talked about hoarding,
and you must admit it would
be funny for the father to do it.
What am I explaining
this to you for?
All right. Page 32,
everybody. Come on.
Good night. Good night.
Just send 'em my best.
Oh, Ann.
You know, I must tell you.
As upset as I know
you are with this script,
you're really doing a
marvelous job with it.
Thank you.
Uh, Mr. Cook?
Would it be possible at all
to make the publisher just a...
a little less stupid?
Ann, go home and get some rest.
It'll all be fine and funny.
And when Don sees it, I'll
bet he laughs. How much?
The only thing left of his in that
script is a puppy named Ruthie.
A funny name for a puppy.
It screams.
Oh, boy. Don bringing
the boss here to watch TV.
You really must
be thrilled, Ann.
Yeah, thrilled.
Eight copies of Newsview?
Well, I want him to know I
subscribe to the magazine.
But you still haven't
told me if I'm in the script.
I want you to be surprised.
Well, just in case the
phone rings or something,
is there a special
part I shouldn't miss?
Well, there's the part where
the young guy is holding you.
That's in the
middle of the show.
Oh, Ann. You made
me a romantic. I love it.
[knock on door]
Come in.
Hi, honey. Oh, hi, Daddy.
Was that you who said "Come in"?
Oh, no, that was me,
Mr. Marie. Hi. Hello.
Is that any way to
answer a door? Oh, Daddy!
Well, I'll watch the
show at my place.
I know you're having
important company.
Bye. Bye.
Important company?
Well, I'm flattered. Not you.
I mean, not that you're
not important company.
It's just that other important
company is coming.
Hollinger? Yes.
Donald and his boss,
the publisher, Mr. Adams.
Oh, that's wonderful, possibly.
What do you mean, possibly?
'Cause I don't want to sit here
in front of an important
publisher looking like a fool.
Oh, no, no... Ann,
tell me the truth.
Did Hollinger write anything about
me hording those 40 sandwiches?
Uh... uh... no, Daddy.
Donald didn't write
a thing about that.
Good. Your boyfriend's
finally showing some sense.
[knock on door] Uh, coming!
That's the way to answer a door.
Oh, Daddy!
Oh, Hi, Donald. Good
evening, Mr. Adams.
It's a pleasure to have you.
Thank you, Ann, and I'm honored
to be in the home
of tonight's star.
Uh, Mr. Adams, this is
Ann's father, Mr. Marie.
Mr. Marie, Jonathan Adams.
A pleasure, Mr. Marie.
How do you do, Adams.
Uh... uh, Donald, why don't
you take Mr. Adams' coat?
Daddy, come with me
in the kitchen. Certainly.
After all, who's better in
the kitchen than the owner
of New York state's most
successful restaurant?
Tell Adams about it, Hollinger.
Daddy, will you stop
calling him Adams?
If you don't want to
call him Mr. Adams,
then at least call
him by his first name.
A daughter who doesn't know
how to answer the phone or a door
tells her father how to talk?
Ann's a lovely girl,
Don, and pretty.
Thank you, Mr. Adams.
And she's quite an actress, too.
I think you're gonna enjoy her.
Why don't you make
yourself comfortable?
And she's a good
little politician, too.
Here we go.
Help yourself, Jim.
Jonathan.
I know it's Jonathan. I
was talking to you, Don.
Well, it's almost 8:00.
I better turn on the set.
You know, you're very fortunate
having Hollinger
working for you.
He's a fine young writer.
You don't have to
sell me on Don, Lou.
We're quite proud
of him at Newsview.
What's the matter with the set?
Uh, a drink, Mr. Adams?
Uh, yes, dear. Scotch,
please, on the rocks.
Oh, fine.
Fantastic hors d'oeuvres.
I make them myself.
We use them out at my
restaurant in Brewster.
You ever been up around there?
[Adams] No, but I'd like to.
I wish you would. Come
and be my guest, please.
Good.
Ann, the bug on the
TV wire's missing.
Oh, you're kidding.
No, look.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Now how did that happen?
Here you are, Mr. Adams.
Uh... thank you.
It's three minutes
until the show.
Oh, well, I guess we'll just
have to watch something else.
Uh, that wouldn't
work, would it?
Uh, well, what's on radio?
A plug. A plug is on the radio.
I'll get and it and
put it on the TV set.
Oh, don't be silly, Daddy.
You can't put a
radio plug in a TV set.
That won't work. Will it?
It will, right?
Have you got a screwdriver? No.
I'll use my pocket knife.
Daddy, please
try and be helpful.
Well, here we go.
It's on.
Uh, listen, there's
something I...
I... I think I just better
explain to everybody.
What, honey?
Well, it's, uh...
[Man on TV] The Barry Forbs
Show usually seen at this hour
will not be seen tonight due to a
one-hour report on the Midwest snowstorm.
They can't do that.
[Adams] What a shame.
[Don] I'm sorry, honey.
That's show business.
I must say you're
quite a young lady, Ann.
A chance to be seen on television
in a staring role taken away from you,
and you haven't lost
your cheerfulness.
Well, you know what they
say about us show folk:
We smile when we are low.
Marvelous.
Oh, by the way,
could you give me a
copy of your final script?
That way I could at
least read the show.
That's a good idea,
sweetheart. Can you get it?
Get it? Get it?
Uh-huh.
Get it?
Ann. What?
Oh. Uh, I don't
know where it is.
I... I misplaced it. It's lost.
Well, I have a copy of the script down
at my office, but it's only a first draft,
and I'm sure they made
some changes for the show.
Not a word, Donald.
Not a single world.
Wonderful, Don. I'll
pick it up tomorrow.
Good night, Miss
Marie, and thank you.
Good night, Mr. Adams.
Good night, Jonathan.
Good night, Len.
Won't they put that show
on later in the year, honey?
Uh, yeah. We'll cross that
bridge when we come to it.
You sound like you don't
care whether it's on or it's not.
Oh, that's not true, Donald.
That's definitely not true.
I do care. I really do.
How about taking
me out to dinner?
What do you feel like eating?
Anything. I'm starved.
Anything may be too much.
I only have a few
dollars in my pocket,
and I left my credit cards home.
Well, how about four
cheap hamburgers?
That I can handle...
if you'll let me share
your french fries.
Hey! What do you say we
all go out to dinner tonight?
I'll treat the writer
and the star.
Oh, no, no. Really, Mr. Marie,
I was hoping I could take
you and Ann out to dinner.
You know, sort of my treat.
Please, I insist.
Oh, Daddy, that's
so sweet of you.
And Donald really
wanted to take us.
Well, in that case, okay.
After all, it is his night.
I'll get it next
time, Hollinger.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
No, no, wait a minute.
No, that's not him.
Yes, it is. No,
no, that's not him.
Who? Barry Forbes.
That's him.
How do you know? You said
you never even watch his show.
I saw it the night
you were on it.
Great performance,
you have to admit.
He wad fair. I mean me.
You were sensational. Thank you.
Well, I was good enough
to get us invited to this party
for the start of
their third season.
Despite that, you
were sensational.
Donald, I think it's very
exciting being invited
to a big party like this for a
show going into its third year.
Uh, you should have seen
the party my mother gave for me
when I went into my third year.
The chocolate syrup
flowed like orange juice.
Oh, look. There's Harry
Cook, the producer.
I wonder if he remembers me.
Come on, I'll introduce
you. Oh, honey.
Well, thank you so much.
We'll hope for the best.
Hi, Mr. Cook. Remember me?
Oh, of course. Ann
Marie, wasn't it?
Still is. Ha ha ha!
Little cocktail
party joke there.
Where? That's another one.
Hi.
This is Donald
Hollinger, Mr. Cook.
Hollinger. Donald Hollinger.
Oh, you're the writer
on Newsview magazine.
That's right.
And very good, too.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
He really is.
You know, Donald is so
witty and bright with his writing,
I really think he should
write for television.
She's a little prejudiced.
Have you ever thought
of doing a TV script?
Not really. I'm so busy
down at the magazine
and then I'm working on a novel.
Oh, Donald, the novel can wait.
You'd really make a
great television writer.
Of course, if you think that you
should just stick with your novel,
then maybe you should.
Mainly he's a novelist.
Another flop party.
Haven't gotten one
new phone number yet.
Milton, you were asking before,
"Who's gonna send us some
fresh new writers for the season?"
Well, I think we just got one...
from that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
Oh, thank you.
You don't drink,
do you, Hollinger?
Uh, it's turning out that way.
You remember that article we read
in Newsview a couple of months ago.
It was about an actress who'd gotten
snowed in at Kennedy during the blizzard.
Oh! Hollinger!
Yes, you wrote that.
And it was marvelous.
Donald's way too
modest to say so.
But it got him a raise
from his publisher.
You know, come to think of it, that
was about you, wasn't it, Miss Marie?
Mm-hmm.
But I wasn't the
star of the article.
The writing was the star.
I thought when I read it
that would make a very
good television show for us.
I was the star of the article.
How about it, Hollinger?
Would you like to take a crack
at doing a script on it for us?
Well, that's very
nice of you, Mr. Cook,
but I'm not a television writer.
We might consider hiring
Miss Marie to play herself in it.
[gasps] Oh, my gosh!
Oh, Donald! Wouldn't
that be exciting?
Oh, that's fantastic, Mr. Cook!
I mean, a staring
role on your show!
Uh, of course the decision
is Donald's own to make.
I'm butting out of it entirely.
Well, give it some
thought. We will.
I really meant it, Donald.
If you don't want to be
bothered writing the script
or you don't have the time...
or if you hate me, don't do it.
Honey. I'm just kidding.
Beginner's luck.
Don't you remember
where you put them?
Oh, here's mine.
Maybe I didn't come with a coat.
Of course you came
with a coat, Donald.
It's 30 degrees outside.
Maybe I came with
a couch. Here it is.
Uh, excuse me, gentlemen.
[hiccups] I seem to have
walked away with the wrong coat.
Yeah, that's my
coat you have on.
Not so fast, buster.
I ain't gonna take this coat off
until I find my own coat...
because if somebody
can steal my coat
then it's perfectly legitimate
for me to steal
somebody else's coat.
Yeah, but you're not
gonna steal my coat.
Steal? Steal your coat?
Did I hear you
accuse me of stealing?
Did you hear him
accuse me of stealing?
No, you see... Shh.
I know what it is.
You wanna fight, is that it?
Okay. Okay.
Would you please hold my coat?
Oh, for heaven's
sake! There's my coat!
Thank you very much.
[both laugh]
Now, I want it clear, and
I want it in the contract
that if I do this Miss
Marie plays herself.
You got it. No argument.
It'd be great publicity
for us to have her in it.
A true story with the girl
herself playing herself.
I'll call her agent
this afternoon.
Yeah, but don't
tell her I insisted.
Tell her it was your idea.
It is my idea.
Believe me, if she
wasn't good enough for it,
I wouldn't let her do it.
Good.
Okay, now how much control
do I have over the final script?
What do you mean?
Well, if I write it,
I want what I write
to go on the program.
I don't want it changed around
to suit Barry Forbes'
tastes or anyone else's.
Hollinger, the
reason we want you
is because you're
new to television.
We want your style,
your fresh approach.
Now don't worry
about it so much.
Here, sign the contract.
Uh, is there a clause in here
about Miss Marie playing herself?
Right on the front page.
Okay, fine. Thank you.
You're a cautious
man. [chuckles]
How are you gonna write
Barry Forbes into the script?
I guess they'll be a boyfriend
doing the same thing I did.
You know, stuck out at the airport
with you trying to figure out a way
how to get you back into the
city in time for your audition.
You know, Donald, there's
something I've been dying to ask you.
Are you gonna write a
kissing scene in there?
You know, where
I have to kiss him?
I don't know. We'll
see how it works out.
Could you do that, Donald?
What?
Write a scene where I
have to kiss someone else?
If the script
called for it, sure.
I couldn't do that.
Kiss him?
No, write a scene where
you'd have to kiss him...
Uh, her... a lady.
That's why I'm a writer,
and you're a steak
and pepper maker.
[knock on door]
Who is it? Your best friend.
Come in, Ruthie.
Hi! Hi.
Oh, Don's here.
Did I know?
Of course, that's why I'm here.
Hello, Ruth.
Oh, what a relief.
I was afraid now that you're
a bit TV writer, you'd forget me
and the great part I played in
that story you're writing about us.
Us? What do you mean us?
Oh, Ann, dear Ann. Of course us.
Would I leave you out?
Donald, I have a feeling
Ruthie's got something
on her mind about the script,
and I think it
involves being in it.
That's why we're best friends
because you know me so well.
Now, Donald, before I tell you
how you can work me into it...
have you already?
No.
Oh, well, there's
no need to feel bad.
I figured out exactly
how you can comfortably
and very naturally force me in.
[phone rings]
Oh, that's probably me
calling to tell Don my great idea.
You should be so
proud to be Don's girl.
Hello. Donald Hollinger's
girlfriend speaking.
Oh. Hi, Daddy.
What kind of way is that
to answer a telephone?
No, Daddy, I was just
sitting here with Donald,
and I'm so proud of him, Daddy.
He's writing a
script about the time
that he and I went out to Kennedy
Airport to see you and Mother off.
Remember we all got snowed in?
Is that right? Put him on.
Oh. Oh, just a minute.
Daddy wants to
talk to you, Donald.
Me? Oh, sure.
Is that any way to
answer a telephone?
Hello, Mr. Marie.
I'm fine, thank you.
How are you? Hello.
Now listen to me,
Hollinger. Yes, sir.
Is this thing you're writing
going to be a comedy script?
Well, I hope so. That's
the way I'm writing it.
Did you find anything
particularly funny
about me hording 40
sandwiches in a locker
when they ran low on food?
Yes, sir, as a
matter of fact, I did.
And is it possible
this situation
might find its way into
your comedy script?
Very possible.
Tell you what,
Hollinger. You put that in,
and I'll forbid my daughter
to ever see you again.
What? What? What's he saying?
As a matter of fact, I'll
sue you and the program
for defamation of character.
What? What? Please, honey.
Don't try to sweet-talk me.
Now put "Donald Hollinger's
girlfriend speaking" back on the phone.
Uh, yes, sir.
Hi, Daddy.
Ann, if you appear
on any television show
in which I'm made a fool of,
I will publically appear
on the 11:00 news
that very same
night and disown you.
What are you talking about?
Ask Benedict Arnold there.
Look, the reason I called was
that I'll be in town Thursday night,
and if you're still my daughter,
I'll have dinner with you.
Well, I'll be your
daughter till 8:00.
The show doesn't
go on till then.
Good.
How's Mother?
Oh, she's fine.
Good-bye. Good-bye, Daddy.
What was he talking about?
He doesn't want
me to write anything
about the 40 cheese
sandwiches he ordered.
[phone rings]
Hello.
That's how you answer
a telephone. Good-bye.
Good-bye.
What was that?
That was Daddy checking
on how I say hello.
Oh. Well, now, Donald,
here's what you can do
with the Ruthie Bauman part.
Oh.
Here's Ruthie Bauman checking
on how you say good-bye.
Bye.
[door opens and closes]
Oh, Donald, what
have I gotten you into?
You? Nothing.
I know you're only
doing this because of me,
and now everybody's trying
to tell you how to write it.
[chuckles] Don't let
it bother you, honey.
I already have the show pretty
well worked out in my mind,
and I'm gonna write it that way.
Good, because that's
the way it should be,
because you're terrific.
And I'm sure you
won't even need these.
What?
Well, just a few
little recollections
that I had of that day that
I thought might be helpful.
Oh. [chuckles]
Look at that.
An envelope filled
with these torn papers.
Just... Just...
Oh.
Oh, Donald, it's wonderful!
Really, it's so warm
and so wonderful.
Well, honey, it's not the
hilarious "ha ha" funny
kind of stuff they
do on that show.
Well, it shouldn't be.
You've got the star
acting and looking like
an intelligent human
being for a change.
It's warm and it's
sensitive humor.
I just love it.
Who's Cindy?
Cindy in the script? You.
Yeah, but I mean, why Cindy?
I mean, how did you come
up with the name Cindy?
Was there a girl someplace in the
back of your mind... Cindy from the past?
[chuckles] No, honey,
there was no Cindy.
You're just a Cindy to me.
If you weren't an Ann, I'd
guess you were a Cindy.
Oh. All right, I
can accept that.
If you weren't a
Donald, you'd be a...
Turn your head.
No, if you weren't a Donald,
you couldn't be anything
but just a Donald.
And the most perfect Donald
ever made for that name.
Well, you can call your father
and tell him he doesn't
have to worry about the script.
No, I'm not going to.
I'm just gonna let him find our
for himself when he watches it.
And Ruthie?
I'm not gonna tell her, either.
She's gonna be thrilled.
Where's that part?
Page 24, I think.
Oh, yeah.
"Cindy passes a little boy
"who is petrified and
clutching his puppy.
"'Hi, little guy. What's
your puppy's name"
'Ruthie. And she's only 3 months
old and scared of the snow'."
A puppy named
Ruthie. You're terrible.
You can tell your producer he
can change that if he wants to,
but that's all, nothing else.
Oh, Donald.
They're not gonna want
to touch a word. You'll see.
Donald Hollinger?
He is the worst!
I can't believe it.
How could you have
done this to me, Harry?
All right, Milton, settle down.
Settle down?
My name goes up on
that screen as story editor.
When this junk hits the
air, nobody's going to say,
"Donald
What's-His-Name is rotten."
Hollinger. Hollinger!
They're going to say
"Milton East, the
story editor, is rotten."
This isn't a television
script. Where are the laughs?
I found it very warm.
If I want something
warm, I'll buy a blanket.
Could I just say something? No!
Milton, Miss Marie happens to
be a good friend of Hollinger's.
She is? Wonderful. And
you want to say something?
Yes, I would.
Then say to your good
friend he can't write!
That would be saying something.
Very nice.
Thank you. I'll
see you tomorrow.
Well, I'll be up all
night rewriting this thing.
It's no thing. You're right.
But the "O" is soft: Nothing.
Oh, don't feel bad, Ann.
Milton will whip it into shape.
It doesn't need
whipping. It needs loving.
So do I. Free tonight? No!
Look, honey, you can't
blame a guy for trying.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to yell at you.
I guess I'm just a little bit
nervous over this whole thing.
Free tomorrow night?
No, no, that's a bad idea.
Tomorrow night's
definitely out. Ciao.
Bye.
Well, they can all be a
little rough, can't they, Ann?
Yeah, they sure can.
Well, Wednesday, we'll tape it.
Thursday, it'll be on,
and it'll be a smash.
Yeah, but it won't be Donald's.
Look, Ann, what
Donald wrote was good.
It just wasn't
right for the show.
Well, neither am I.
Ann.
No, I'm sorry,
Mr. Cook, I mean it.
I... I just can't
do this to Donald.
If it wasn't for me,
he never would have
gotten involved
in this whole thing.
And now, because of me,
he's gonna be all hurt
and insulted and everything
because of whatever it is that
Milton's gonna do to his script.
And I'm sorry, I just
can't be a part of it.
Ann, you don't know
what you're talking about.
Quitting is what I'm talking
about, and I know about it.
Now, Ann...
Sit down, just for
a minute, okay?
Okay.
Now, I'm being
very patient with you,
and I'm gonna say
this as nicely as I can.
[clears throat]
In the first place,
I've already admitted I
liked Donald's script, okay?
In the second place,
it's too late to replace you.
If you walk out on this job,
you'll never work
in television again.
You wouldn't do that
to me, would you?
You... you
couldn't... could you?
You could and you would.
And I should.
That sure take care
of all the "oulds."
Now, in the third place,
and as corny as this may sound,
I really think Irving
Berlin said it best:
There's no people
like show people.
They smile when they're low.
You signed the contract, Ann.
Honor your signature.
[sighs] What am I
gonna say to Donald?
Well, that's a problem.
I'm afraid I don't know.
Oh, sure. You have a
first place, a second place,
and a third place.
But when I need a
fourth place, you run out.
[knock on door]
Just a minute.
Hi.
Hi, you wonderful,
marvelous, perfect...
You may not know much
about saying hello on the phone,
but you're great on
hellos at the door.
How was the reading?
Did they like the script?
Did they like it? Why
shouldn't they like it?
You're only the best writer
in the whole city of New York.
Come on. Have some champagne.
So I'm the best writer
in the city of New York,
but how did I do in video land?
Well, Donald, it was
just really amazing.
I mean, I've been to a lot
of script readings in my life,
but I've never seen everybody
unanimously get so excited.
Oh! That's great! Yes.
By the way, Thursday night
when we watch it... Watch it?
Yeah, we're gonna
watch it here, aren't we?
Uh... Thursday night?
Uh, I thought you were taking
me out to dinner Thursday night?
We'll go out afterwards.
Your father is coming
to town, too, remember?
We'll all watch it here,
and then I'll buy us
all dinner afterwards,
including a special
guest of honor.
Who? Jonathan Adams.
Your publisher?
Yes, ma'am.
I told him about
his part in the script.
Well, you did write
about him very nicely.
It's kinda good for his image.
And if he likes it,
it'll be great for mine.
"Your publisher
is a blithering fool!"
"You're right,
and I'd tell him that
"if he knew what
blithering meant.
"As a matter if fact, I'd tell him
that if I knew what blithering meant.
"I mean, nobody knows
what blithering means.
How many people ever blither?"
You're beautiful, Milton.
You saved another one.
But it's wrong!
The publisher of
Newsview magazine
is a very bright and
intelligent and a sensitive man!
All right. Uh,
let's read scene 4.
Now that's the one
where the father
finds out they're running
out of food at the airport,
and he tries to
buy 60 sandwiches.
40.
Wait a second!
That wasn't in there!
Nothing was in there. Nothing.
The article in Newsview
talked about hoarding,
and you must admit it would
be funny for the father to do it.
What am I explaining
this to you for?
All right. Page 32,
everybody. Come on.
Good night. Good night.
Just send 'em my best.
Oh, Ann.
You know, I must tell you.
As upset as I know
you are with this script,
you're really doing a
marvelous job with it.
Thank you.
Uh, Mr. Cook?
Would it be possible at all
to make the publisher just a...
a little less stupid?
Ann, go home and get some rest.
It'll all be fine and funny.
And when Don sees it, I'll
bet he laughs. How much?
The only thing left of his in that
script is a puppy named Ruthie.
A funny name for a puppy.
It screams.
Oh, boy. Don bringing
the boss here to watch TV.
You really must
be thrilled, Ann.
Yeah, thrilled.
Eight copies of Newsview?
Well, I want him to know I
subscribe to the magazine.
But you still haven't
told me if I'm in the script.
I want you to be surprised.
Well, just in case the
phone rings or something,
is there a special
part I shouldn't miss?
Well, there's the part where
the young guy is holding you.
That's in the
middle of the show.
Oh, Ann. You made
me a romantic. I love it.
[knock on door]
Come in.
Hi, honey. Oh, hi, Daddy.
Was that you who said "Come in"?
Oh, no, that was me,
Mr. Marie. Hi. Hello.
Is that any way to
answer a door? Oh, Daddy!
Well, I'll watch the
show at my place.
I know you're having
important company.
Bye. Bye.
Important company?
Well, I'm flattered. Not you.
I mean, not that you're
not important company.
It's just that other important
company is coming.
Hollinger? Yes.
Donald and his boss,
the publisher, Mr. Adams.
Oh, that's wonderful, possibly.
What do you mean, possibly?
'Cause I don't want to sit here
in front of an important
publisher looking like a fool.
Oh, no, no... Ann,
tell me the truth.
Did Hollinger write anything about
me hording those 40 sandwiches?
Uh... uh... no, Daddy.
Donald didn't write
a thing about that.
Good. Your boyfriend's
finally showing some sense.
[knock on door] Uh, coming!
That's the way to answer a door.
Oh, Daddy!
Oh, Hi, Donald. Good
evening, Mr. Adams.
It's a pleasure to have you.
Thank you, Ann, and I'm honored
to be in the home
of tonight's star.
Uh, Mr. Adams, this is
Ann's father, Mr. Marie.
Mr. Marie, Jonathan Adams.
A pleasure, Mr. Marie.
How do you do, Adams.
Uh... uh, Donald, why don't
you take Mr. Adams' coat?
Daddy, come with me
in the kitchen. Certainly.
After all, who's better in
the kitchen than the owner
of New York state's most
successful restaurant?
Tell Adams about it, Hollinger.
Daddy, will you stop
calling him Adams?
If you don't want to
call him Mr. Adams,
then at least call
him by his first name.
A daughter who doesn't know
how to answer the phone or a door
tells her father how to talk?
Ann's a lovely girl,
Don, and pretty.
Thank you, Mr. Adams.
And she's quite an actress, too.
I think you're gonna enjoy her.
Why don't you make
yourself comfortable?
And she's a good
little politician, too.
Here we go.
Help yourself, Jim.
Jonathan.
I know it's Jonathan. I
was talking to you, Don.
Well, it's almost 8:00.
I better turn on the set.
You know, you're very fortunate
having Hollinger
working for you.
He's a fine young writer.
You don't have to
sell me on Don, Lou.
We're quite proud
of him at Newsview.
What's the matter with the set?
Uh, a drink, Mr. Adams?
Uh, yes, dear. Scotch,
please, on the rocks.
Oh, fine.
Fantastic hors d'oeuvres.
I make them myself.
We use them out at my
restaurant in Brewster.
You ever been up around there?
[Adams] No, but I'd like to.
I wish you would. Come
and be my guest, please.
Good.
Ann, the bug on the
TV wire's missing.
Oh, you're kidding.
No, look.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
Now how did that happen?
Here you are, Mr. Adams.
Uh... thank you.
It's three minutes
until the show.
Oh, well, I guess we'll just
have to watch something else.
Uh, that wouldn't
work, would it?
Uh, well, what's on radio?
A plug. A plug is on the radio.
I'll get and it and
put it on the TV set.
Oh, don't be silly, Daddy.
You can't put a
radio plug in a TV set.
That won't work. Will it?
It will, right?
Have you got a screwdriver? No.
I'll use my pocket knife.
Daddy, please
try and be helpful.
Well, here we go.
It's on.
Uh, listen, there's
something I...
I... I think I just better
explain to everybody.
What, honey?
Well, it's, uh...
[Man on TV] The Barry Forbs
Show usually seen at this hour
will not be seen tonight due to a
one-hour report on the Midwest snowstorm.
They can't do that.
[Adams] What a shame.
[Don] I'm sorry, honey.
That's show business.
I must say you're
quite a young lady, Ann.
A chance to be seen on television
in a staring role taken away from you,
and you haven't lost
your cheerfulness.
Well, you know what they
say about us show folk:
We smile when we are low.
Marvelous.
Oh, by the way,
could you give me a
copy of your final script?
That way I could at
least read the show.
That's a good idea,
sweetheart. Can you get it?
Get it? Get it?
Uh-huh.
Get it?
Ann. What?
Oh. Uh, I don't
know where it is.
I... I misplaced it. It's lost.
Well, I have a copy of the script down
at my office, but it's only a first draft,
and I'm sure they made
some changes for the show.
Not a word, Donald.
Not a single world.
Wonderful, Don. I'll
pick it up tomorrow.
Good night, Miss
Marie, and thank you.
Good night, Mr. Adams.
Good night, Jonathan.
Good night, Len.
Won't they put that show
on later in the year, honey?
Uh, yeah. We'll cross that
bridge when we come to it.
You sound like you don't
care whether it's on or it's not.
Oh, that's not true, Donald.
That's definitely not true.
I do care. I really do.
How about taking
me out to dinner?
What do you feel like eating?
Anything. I'm starved.
Anything may be too much.
I only have a few
dollars in my pocket,
and I left my credit cards home.
Well, how about four
cheap hamburgers?
That I can handle...
if you'll let me share
your french fries.
Hey! What do you say we
all go out to dinner tonight?
I'll treat the writer
and the star.
Oh, no, no. Really, Mr. Marie,
I was hoping I could take
you and Ann out to dinner.
You know, sort of my treat.
Please, I insist.
Oh, Daddy, that's
so sweet of you.
And Donald really
wanted to take us.
Well, in that case, okay.
After all, it is his night.
I'll get it next
time, Hollinger.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA