That Girl (1966–1971): Season 4, Episode 5 - At the Drop of a Budget - full transcript
Since Ann has what looks to be a steady paycheck coming in associated with a recurring role on a soap opera, she feels she needs to be more responsible with her money. As such, she asks Donald to manage her money for her, or at least help her prepare a budget. Donald is reluctant to do so, as he feels Ann will go off the budget and resent him, which will lead to an argument between the two of them. After Ann pleads with him, he gives in, agreeing to prepare the budget for her. Ann has every intention of sticking to the budget, but as time goes on, she feels compelled to purchase anything at the drop of a hat... literally. These compulsions began after Ann went to see Dr. Pellman, a dentist who uses hypnosis instead of pharmaceutical anesthetics. Dr. Pellman gave Ann a post hypnotic suggestion after filling one of her teeth so that she would feel no pain. He inadvertently and unknowingly gave her another post hypnotic suggestion as he was speaking to his spendthrifty wife on the telephone at the time, he saying to her sarcastically, "at the drop of a hat you'll buy anything". Will Ann or Donald, the two who ultimately do get into an argument over her breaking her budget, figure out why Ann is compelled to purchase all these useless items?
So where is she? She's late.
[imitating Humphrey Bogart]
Say, you're some smart guy
they way you figured that out.
She's auditioning for
a part in a soap opera.
So the later she
is, the better it is.
That means they
probably like her.
How could they not like her?
I mean, she's
talented, she's beautiful.
She's a nice girl.
Yeah, Nino, I've noticed.
Hello, Nino.
[Italian accent] Ah!
Mr. Thompson, such a pleasure.
Mrs. Thompson, she's
waiting at your favorite table.
And tonight, Scampi
a la Nino, huh?
Please.
You know that accent kills me.
[regular voice] It kills you,
but it's keeping me alive.
Don. Guess who.
Hi!
Donald! I got
it! I got the part!
She got it.
Congratulations. Thank you.
Oh, Donald, it's the
most fantastic part.
It could go on forever.
I've got 15 major
psychological hang-ups,
and other than that,
I'm perfectly healthy.
Oh, honey, congratulations.
Come on. We'll sit
down, and we'll celebrate.
Oh, Donald, do you
know that this means?
For once I'll be making more
money per week than I need to live on.
You're getting $30,000 a week?
No. But I'm getting enough money
to make a budget
and stick to it.
A budget? [chuckles]
Thank you, Nino. Thank you.
You're gonna stick
to a budget? I am.
Honey, there's no way.
If you think you can
stick to a budget,
you've got 16
psychological hang-ups.
Oh, Donald, I know I've tried
before and it's never worked,
but this time it's going to...
because you're gonna
be in charge of it...
and me.
No, Ann.
Doris.
Doris?
Ding-a-ling Doris. That's
me in the soap opera.
Yeah, and that's me if I handle
your budget: Ding-a-ling Don.
Oh, Donald, please.
Honey, it's the old
male/female universal law.
You never teach
a girl how to drive
or how to handle
her financial affairs.
Where did you read that?
Uh, well, I read it in this
pad just as soon as I write it.
Oh, Donald, please. I
really want a budget,
and I know I'll never be
able to do it without you.
Please do it... for me.
[chuckles] Honey,
you don't understand.
I don't want to
do it... for you.
It's gonna cause an
argument, aggravation...
and hunger. Hunger?
It's already caused
hunger. I'm starving.
Now can we eat first and
talk about it later... or during?
Okay.
But you gotta do it.
Where does it say I gotta do it?
There on that pad
when I'm done writing it.
[humming] For the new
star and the new job,
my rarest and best Chianti
with my compliments.
Thank you, Nino. You're welcome.
Wait a minute. I don't think
she's in any condition to drink.
Why not?
I don't think you
should give wine to a girl
that just found out she's got
16 psychological hang-ups.
That girl?
♪♪ [theme]
Why, Donald?
Give me one good reason why
you won't help me with my budget.
I can give you
four good reasons.
If I make you a budget,
we'll wind up fighting,
you'll never stick to it,
and I'm gonna go crazy.
That's only three reasons.
See? There's the
fourth. I can't count.
Oh, Donald, I need
your better judgment
to help me curb
my buying impulses.
Honey, I'm a boyfriend,
not a policeman.
All you have to do is
make the budget for me.
Then once I get on
it, I'll be on my own.
You're really serious
about this, aren't you?
It means so much to me, Donald.
All right.
All right. Tonight, we start the
first stage of my going crazy.
Oh, thank you. You'll
see how good I can be.
Thank you, Nino.
For what? That's a
check, not a free pass.
Listen, since we're
celebrating my new part,
this should really be my treat.
Oh. All right.
But since you're celebrating
keeping me on a budget, here.
Good grief. There's a
dress shop next door.
And there's another entrance
to it from the living room.
Well, it's a good
start for our budget.
We don't have to allocate any money
for clothes for the next five years.
Oh, Donald! Styles change.
I can't wear half these dresses.
Honey, I've seen
the styles today.
You only have to wear
half those dresses.
You wanna see my drawers?
Uh, no, honey.
Look, why don't we go
in and sit down and finish.
Now I really don't care what
you've been spending in the past.
What we have to do is budget
your income for the future.
Oh, Donald, that was
wonderful the way you said that.
Just like a real
business manager.
Say something
else in accountant.
Say "fiscal." I
just love fiscal.
Ann!
Oh, Donald, I've got a
feeling this is gonna work.
I really do.
Okay, good. Now
we'll start with food.
How much a week do you think
you'll have to spend on food?
On food? Well, let's see.
There's seven days in a week
of breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Well, how much
is a loaf of bread?
About 30 cents.
And how many slices in a loaf?
347.
347 into 30... 347?
We'll put down
$21 a week for food.
$21 a week?
Yeah, that's $3.00 a day.
Which should be plenty since I
take you to dinner four nights a week.
Well, Donald you're gonna
have to budget your money
much better than that.
All right. Now medical.
We'll put down $200
a year for medical.
Oh, that's way too much.
That includes hospitalization,
prescription, dentists.
What was your
dentist bill last month?
I didn't go to the
dentist last month.
What about the cavity?
It'll get better.
Cavities don't get better.
They get bigger, but
they don't get better.
Oh, Donald, I hate the dentist.
There's pain in his office.
Oh, come on. They
all use anesthetics.
Yeah, well, the one thing
I hate worse than pain
is the needles those
painkillers come in.
There's a dentist in my
building who hypnotizes people,
and you don't
feel any pain at all.
Really? Really.
If I set up an appointment
for you, will you go?
Okay, but on one condition.
What?
He promises that once
he's hypnotized me,
he won't go anywhere
near my mouth.
I hate it! I hate it!
[humming]
What is that gonna do?
Nothing to worry
about. It's only air.
Why is it in a hose?
To force it into your mouth.
Well, couldn't I
just go... [inhales]
With New York air?
You've got to be kidding.
[air blows]
All right.
Well, your mouth looks
clean as a whistle...
except for this cavity here.
Oh, and it's a whopper.
I suppose you'll
want to fill it.
Of course.
A filling in time saves nine.
[laughs nervously]
Does it have to be done today?
There's no time
like the present.
You know, Dr. Pellman,
I'm... I'm really a coward
when it comes to these things.
Now rest assured,
you'll be fast asleep.
What you don't
know can't hurt you.
My boyfriend said that the only
anesthetic you use is hypnotism.
And right he is.
So there's no
pain at all involved.
None whatsoever.
Believe me this should...
Hurt you more than it hurts me.
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
So what do you do
to hypnotize people?
Well, it's really very simple.
I merely ask you to stare into
my eyes, listen to my voice,
and completely relax your body.
And before you know it,
you'll feel yourself
getting tired,
and your eyes will start to...
Miss Marie?
Miss Marie, are you asleep?
Don't touch me!
Miss Marie?
Miss Marie, can you hear me?
When you wake up,
you will not feel any pain.
You will be completely
relaxed and happy.
[telephone rings]
[ring]
Hello?
Oh, hello, dear.
Yes, I am very busy.
I wish you wouldn't
call me here.
No, I'm not interested
in what you bought.
I don't care how much it costs.
How much did it cost?
How much?
That's ridiculous!
What is it with you?
At the drop of a hat,
you'll buy anything!
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
What would you like, ma'am?
A dozen.
[knock on door]
Hi, honey. How was
your dental appointment?
Fine.
I never said he was
good, just painless.
Oh, he really was good.
And I only have to go
back one more time.
Oh, so tonight, we're celebrating
your discovery of Dr. Pellman.
No, tonight we are
celebrating the fact
that I have not strayed from
my budget for two whole days.
I'm proud of you.
That'll be a dollar. What?
How else can I stay on a budget?
Then let me go for five.
Oh, wait till you see
what I made for dinner.
Honey, you're never
gonna get rich that way.
What happened to this dress?
What? This dress.
What happened to this dress
with all the white spots on it?
Oh, that.
That's a $1.09.
I think you overpaid.
Not for the dress.
That's how much I saved
by cleaning it myself.
What was that for?
That's one of my
dollar-and-a-half specials.
Now you can afford to
get the dress cleaned.
Sorry, we're closed for dinner.
Item umber one.
How does it look?
That depends. What is it?
Hot sauerkraut.
You like hot sauerkraut?
Well, I didn't really know it
was sauerkraut when I bought it.
You see, I bought it in the
unlabeled can section for 18 cents.
See how I can budget?
Let's see how you can eat it.
Let's taste it before
we condemn it.
How is it?
Pretty good. You try it.
Uh... Yeah.
Okay. I'll... I'll try it.
Well?
The, uh... The
label didn't come off.
It was still in the can.
Unlabeled can number 2.
Guess what it is.
I can't even guess what it was.
Corned beef hash.
Possibly.
[coughs]
Would you like
something to wash it down?
Yeah. A sink.
Here we are, monsieur.
The budget beverage.
Water. Oh.
Á votre santé.
Ah. 1969.
You know, Donald,
it isn't every girl
who can prepare a five-course
meal for under a dollar.
You mean there's more?
I got an orange can, a
green can, and a red can.
Ah! A feast fit for a goat.
There is something
else I have for you.
It's a present. A present?
You found room for a
present in that budget?
Yes. There's always
room for you, Donald.
Open it up. Oh, honey!
A present!
A carton of gum?
A dozen packs.
A dozen.
Dumb, huh?
Honey, don't get me
wrong. I love the thought.
But it does seem silly for you
to make a whole budget meal
of hot sauerkraut and death
and then throw the money
away on a carton of gum.
Yeah, I know. It does
seem silly, doesn't it?
I don't really know
what happened.
I just... I just had
this kind of... urge.
Oh, Donald, forgive me.
Oh, honey, I don't
have to forgive you.
I love you wanting
to buy me a gift.
Yeah, but I went off the budget.
Oh, honey, that
should be up to you.
Look, honey,
let's just forget it.
I told I didn't want to be your
accountant in the first place.
Oh, please! Give
me another chance!
Look, look, look!
Just one more chance!
Watch. Big savings now.
Electricity, okay?
How much were the candles?
Nothing.
I made them from the fat
I scraped off the
corned beef hash.
[Man on TV] And once again,
the United States Military Academy
graduated a class of cadets.
And your reporter was
there as the 3,200 officers
celebrated their graduation
by the traditional
throwing of hats in the air.
[cheering]
What is it, honey?
How much do you
want for your tie?
Excuse me, Miss, has
the picture started yet?
Yes, sir, five minutes ago.
Are there any seats left?
Only in the first row.
All right. Give me two.
Oh, Donald, I'm sorry I'm late!
What happened? Did
you get caught in traffic?
No, I got caught in
a department store.
Oh. And it wouldn't release you
till you bought something, right?
The funniest thing happened.
I was on my way
out of the store,
and I hadn't bought a thing.
Yeah, that sounds funny already.
And I was crossing
through the millinery section
when this fabulous hat fell
of a shelf right at my feet.
Let me show it to
you. It's just fabulous.
Honey, we're gonna
be late for the movie.
Uh, two tickets, please.
I already bought
two tickets. Oh.
What else do you have?
I wonder if I can sue
that theater for whiplash.
Oh, Donald, we
weren't sitting that close.
I don't know. It's the
first time an usher
ever asked me to take
my feet off the screen.
[cuckoo] What's that?
Oh, that's my new cuckoo
clock. I just bought it.
Honey, why do you
need a cuckoo clock?
I don't need it.
I'm gonna return it tomorrow.
Then why did you
buy it in the first place?
I don't know.
I guess it was
just another... urge.
Look, honey, I don't think you
should be on a budget at all.
Why not?
Because I think that
not spending money
is giving you an
urge to spend money.
Donald, I really do
want to be on a budget.
Honey, I think we're
gonna have a fight.
Donald, I... I really,
honestly can't explain
why I keep buying
all these dumb things.
Sweetheart, you have a
right to buy dumb things.
It's your money. Do
what you want with it.
But I wanna
save it. I really do.
I just can't.
Do you remember what I told
you would happen if I got involved?
You said I'd go off my budget
and then we'd have an
argument and you'd go crazy.
Right! So for the
sake of my sanity,
I am officially no
longer involved.
Well, what about my sanity?
I don't understand
my own behavior.
It's as simple as that.
It's also that late.
I love you. Good night.
[door closes]
That wasn't even
30 cents' worth.
Hi, honey. Donald, hi!
What are you doing here?
I just wanted to see you.
I was kinda rough
on you last night.
Oh, that's okay.
It's really my fault.
I really have been
irresponsible with my money,
and I don't know why.
Honey, I don't want
you to worry about that.
It's part of your charm.
Besides, it's a good incentive
for me to become a millionaire.
As long as you're here, will
you take me to the dentist?
All right.
But as soon as
I'm a millionaire,
we're getting you a chauffer.
[laughs] The show
goes on in a few minutes.
Good luck. Thank you.
You're gonna love the scene.
It's my big dramatic moment
when I burst into tears
because my fiancé,
who I thought was my
cousins with a skin disease,
is cured and he buys
me an engagement ring.
Oh, yeah, right.
It's the old cured
cousin fiancé bit.
All right, all right.
Places, everyone.
We're going on the
air. This is our director.
Ann.
Uh, Dudley Moss,
Donald Hollinger.
Pleased to meet you, Dudley.
May I watch?
Yes, but quietly. We're live.
[bell rings]
[Dudley] On the air in 5...
4, 3, 2, 1... Cue.
Darling, buying you this ring
is the end of a
lifelong dream for me.
Are you sure you can
afford it, sweetheart?
Whatever it costs,
it will be worth it.
We have no money now.
We'll start our marriage
off with very little.
But we'll grow. We
must be optimistic.
I don't want you to spend
every penny on a ring.
I don't need it.
That. That way of yours.
That's why I love you
and want you to have it.
Here you are, sir.
And I shined it up.
That'll be $340.
I only have $300.
Can you trust me for a couple
of months with the other 40?
Yes.
Yes, sir.
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
Uh... uh...
And... and we'll
take that watch.
What's she doing?
And let me see. The,
uh... The bracelet.
What's she doing?
Um, give her anything
she wants. I'll sell my horse.
What horse? Where
did he get a horse?
And, uh, that broach.
She's killing me. I'll just die.
Oh, and that tiara.
And, well, let's
see. What else now?
I think we better go, dear.
The car is... The
meter is violating.
And, uh, a dozen earrings to go.
Cue the cable!
[no audible dialogue]
What possibly possessed
you to ruin the scene like that?
I don't know. When that actor
got nervous, I got all nervous.
He dropped his hat,
and I started acting nutty
and saying strange things and...
I don't know, Donald.
Something just came over me.
I had to have that watch.
You're irresponsible
with stage money, too?
Ready when you are, Miss Marie.
Oh, fine, Doctor.
Hi, Dr. Pellman.
Hello, Don. Long time no see.
Uh, Ann's been raving
about your painless technique.
Oh, did you feel anything
after you left the office?
Not a thing.
That's because I gave you
a post-hypnotic suggestion
so that you wouldn't have
any pain for the rest of the day.
Oh, really?
Doctor, would that work,
a post-hypnotic suggestion,
on trying to help somebody
stop biting their nails
or something like that?
In some cases.
Would it help on trying to help
somebody stop spending money?
If you could do that,
I'd use it on my wife.
At the drop of a hat,
she'll buy anything.
Well, are you ready,
Miss Marie? Yes.
[Doctor's voice] At the drop
of a hat, she'll buy anything.
At the drop of a hat,
she'll buy anything.
[cadets cheering on TV]
[cheering]
What is it, honey?
How much do you
want for your tie?
And I was crossing
through the millinery section
and this fabulous hat fell
of a shelf right at my feet.
Let me show it to
you. It's just fabulous.
Honey, we're gonna
be late for the movie.
Uh, two tickets, please.
[no audible dialogue]
And... and we'll
take that watch.
If you could do that,
I'd use it on my wife.
At the drop of a hat,
she'll buy anything.
Well, are you ready,
Miss Marie? Yes.
Now when I count
to 3, you will wake up
and forget everything that I
said to you during hypnosis.
You will feel fine and
forget everything else.
Everything.
1, 2, 3.
Am I finished?
As finished as you'll ever be.
Thank you, Dr. Pellman.
Well, it was a real pleasure.
And remember to brush
your teeth twice a day
and visit your dentist
twice a year. Yes, I will.
Oh, my.
I'm as clumsy as a...
An ox? That's good!
All finished.
Not quite. Huh?
You are about to
witness once again
a perfect example of why
you and I are in love with me.
While you were
filling her tooth, sir,
I was filling my mind.
It's a little more difficult
since I had the bigger cavity.
Now don't you say anything.
I wasn't gonna say a word.
To continue.
This young man, who
has been taken for granted
low these many years
has just come up with an answer
to one of the world's
greatest problems,
to wit: D.D.S.
That's Doctor of Dental Surgery.
That's Ding-a-Ling
Doris' spending.
Sir.
Donald, what are
you talking about?
Sir, in the interest
of science, may I?
Donald!
Observe.
Donald!
What does that
make you want to do?
Apologize. Sir, I'm terribly...
That's my best hat!
For heaven's sake!
Sir, I'm terribly sorry!
We'll buy you another one.
Aha!
[chewing]
You're trying to kill me.
I know you. I love you.
But I understand you totally,
and you're trying to kill me.
What are you talking about?
I can't stand it with
that ice chewing.
Oh, Donald, I'm sorry.
It's just that it's been so many
months since I could chew ice.
What do you mean?
The cavity? Mm-hmm.
You know what else I can
do now that it doesn't hurt?
What? [sucks in air]
Oh, that's perfect.
I'm in love with a girl
who chews ice and goes...
[sucks in air]
That's very romantic.
Well, you'll also be
very pleased to know
that since Dr. Pellman de-post-hypnotic
suggestioned me last week,
I haven't gone off my budget.
You're right. I am very
pleased to hear that.
Not that I really have to worry
too much longer about
budgeting my income.
I'm losing my job.
What happened?
Oh, you know.
Typical soap opera
character wipeout.
You see, after I get married,
my husband's first wife
who everybody thought
was killed in a
mudslide the year before
comes back to town with this
man that she met in the hospital.
It turns out to be
my twin brother
that I never even knew I had
except for the the
beauty mark on his chin
which matches exactly with
a beauty mark on my wrist
which in an operation
to have removed,
I get this infection.
And the doctor who
falls in love with me
decided to give up
medicine completely
and become a
guru and go to India
where I follow him
with my bandage,
and I get this
terrible infection
when the ocean water goes
into my infection when I'm going...
You'll love the story, Donald.
It's really terrific.
[imitating Humphrey Bogart]
Say, you're some smart guy
they way you figured that out.
She's auditioning for
a part in a soap opera.
So the later she
is, the better it is.
That means they
probably like her.
How could they not like her?
I mean, she's
talented, she's beautiful.
She's a nice girl.
Yeah, Nino, I've noticed.
Hello, Nino.
[Italian accent] Ah!
Mr. Thompson, such a pleasure.
Mrs. Thompson, she's
waiting at your favorite table.
And tonight, Scampi
a la Nino, huh?
Please.
You know that accent kills me.
[regular voice] It kills you,
but it's keeping me alive.
Don. Guess who.
Hi!
Donald! I got
it! I got the part!
She got it.
Congratulations. Thank you.
Oh, Donald, it's the
most fantastic part.
It could go on forever.
I've got 15 major
psychological hang-ups,
and other than that,
I'm perfectly healthy.
Oh, honey, congratulations.
Come on. We'll sit
down, and we'll celebrate.
Oh, Donald, do you
know that this means?
For once I'll be making more
money per week than I need to live on.
You're getting $30,000 a week?
No. But I'm getting enough money
to make a budget
and stick to it.
A budget? [chuckles]
Thank you, Nino. Thank you.
You're gonna stick
to a budget? I am.
Honey, there's no way.
If you think you can
stick to a budget,
you've got 16
psychological hang-ups.
Oh, Donald, I know I've tried
before and it's never worked,
but this time it's going to...
because you're gonna
be in charge of it...
and me.
No, Ann.
Doris.
Doris?
Ding-a-ling Doris. That's
me in the soap opera.
Yeah, and that's me if I handle
your budget: Ding-a-ling Don.
Oh, Donald, please.
Honey, it's the old
male/female universal law.
You never teach
a girl how to drive
or how to handle
her financial affairs.
Where did you read that?
Uh, well, I read it in this
pad just as soon as I write it.
Oh, Donald, please. I
really want a budget,
and I know I'll never be
able to do it without you.
Please do it... for me.
[chuckles] Honey,
you don't understand.
I don't want to
do it... for you.
It's gonna cause an
argument, aggravation...
and hunger. Hunger?
It's already caused
hunger. I'm starving.
Now can we eat first and
talk about it later... or during?
Okay.
But you gotta do it.
Where does it say I gotta do it?
There on that pad
when I'm done writing it.
[humming] For the new
star and the new job,
my rarest and best Chianti
with my compliments.
Thank you, Nino. You're welcome.
Wait a minute. I don't think
she's in any condition to drink.
Why not?
I don't think you
should give wine to a girl
that just found out she's got
16 psychological hang-ups.
That girl?
♪♪ [theme]
Why, Donald?
Give me one good reason why
you won't help me with my budget.
I can give you
four good reasons.
If I make you a budget,
we'll wind up fighting,
you'll never stick to it,
and I'm gonna go crazy.
That's only three reasons.
See? There's the
fourth. I can't count.
Oh, Donald, I need
your better judgment
to help me curb
my buying impulses.
Honey, I'm a boyfriend,
not a policeman.
All you have to do is
make the budget for me.
Then once I get on
it, I'll be on my own.
You're really serious
about this, aren't you?
It means so much to me, Donald.
All right.
All right. Tonight, we start the
first stage of my going crazy.
Oh, thank you. You'll
see how good I can be.
Thank you, Nino.
For what? That's a
check, not a free pass.
Listen, since we're
celebrating my new part,
this should really be my treat.
Oh. All right.
But since you're celebrating
keeping me on a budget, here.
Good grief. There's a
dress shop next door.
And there's another entrance
to it from the living room.
Well, it's a good
start for our budget.
We don't have to allocate any money
for clothes for the next five years.
Oh, Donald! Styles change.
I can't wear half these dresses.
Honey, I've seen
the styles today.
You only have to wear
half those dresses.
You wanna see my drawers?
Uh, no, honey.
Look, why don't we go
in and sit down and finish.
Now I really don't care what
you've been spending in the past.
What we have to do is budget
your income for the future.
Oh, Donald, that was
wonderful the way you said that.
Just like a real
business manager.
Say something
else in accountant.
Say "fiscal." I
just love fiscal.
Ann!
Oh, Donald, I've got a
feeling this is gonna work.
I really do.
Okay, good. Now
we'll start with food.
How much a week do you think
you'll have to spend on food?
On food? Well, let's see.
There's seven days in a week
of breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Well, how much
is a loaf of bread?
About 30 cents.
And how many slices in a loaf?
347.
347 into 30... 347?
We'll put down
$21 a week for food.
$21 a week?
Yeah, that's $3.00 a day.
Which should be plenty since I
take you to dinner four nights a week.
Well, Donald you're gonna
have to budget your money
much better than that.
All right. Now medical.
We'll put down $200
a year for medical.
Oh, that's way too much.
That includes hospitalization,
prescription, dentists.
What was your
dentist bill last month?
I didn't go to the
dentist last month.
What about the cavity?
It'll get better.
Cavities don't get better.
They get bigger, but
they don't get better.
Oh, Donald, I hate the dentist.
There's pain in his office.
Oh, come on. They
all use anesthetics.
Yeah, well, the one thing
I hate worse than pain
is the needles those
painkillers come in.
There's a dentist in my
building who hypnotizes people,
and you don't
feel any pain at all.
Really? Really.
If I set up an appointment
for you, will you go?
Okay, but on one condition.
What?
He promises that once
he's hypnotized me,
he won't go anywhere
near my mouth.
I hate it! I hate it!
[humming]
What is that gonna do?
Nothing to worry
about. It's only air.
Why is it in a hose?
To force it into your mouth.
Well, couldn't I
just go... [inhales]
With New York air?
You've got to be kidding.
[air blows]
All right.
Well, your mouth looks
clean as a whistle...
except for this cavity here.
Oh, and it's a whopper.
I suppose you'll
want to fill it.
Of course.
A filling in time saves nine.
[laughs nervously]
Does it have to be done today?
There's no time
like the present.
You know, Dr. Pellman,
I'm... I'm really a coward
when it comes to these things.
Now rest assured,
you'll be fast asleep.
What you don't
know can't hurt you.
My boyfriend said that the only
anesthetic you use is hypnotism.
And right he is.
So there's no
pain at all involved.
None whatsoever.
Believe me this should...
Hurt you more than it hurts me.
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
So what do you do
to hypnotize people?
Well, it's really very simple.
I merely ask you to stare into
my eyes, listen to my voice,
and completely relax your body.
And before you know it,
you'll feel yourself
getting tired,
and your eyes will start to...
Miss Marie?
Miss Marie, are you asleep?
Don't touch me!
Miss Marie?
Miss Marie, can you hear me?
When you wake up,
you will not feel any pain.
You will be completely
relaxed and happy.
[telephone rings]
[ring]
Hello?
Oh, hello, dear.
Yes, I am very busy.
I wish you wouldn't
call me here.
No, I'm not interested
in what you bought.
I don't care how much it costs.
How much did it cost?
How much?
That's ridiculous!
What is it with you?
At the drop of a hat,
you'll buy anything!
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
What would you like, ma'am?
A dozen.
[knock on door]
Hi, honey. How was
your dental appointment?
Fine.
I never said he was
good, just painless.
Oh, he really was good.
And I only have to go
back one more time.
Oh, so tonight, we're celebrating
your discovery of Dr. Pellman.
No, tonight we are
celebrating the fact
that I have not strayed from
my budget for two whole days.
I'm proud of you.
That'll be a dollar. What?
How else can I stay on a budget?
Then let me go for five.
Oh, wait till you see
what I made for dinner.
Honey, you're never
gonna get rich that way.
What happened to this dress?
What? This dress.
What happened to this dress
with all the white spots on it?
Oh, that.
That's a $1.09.
I think you overpaid.
Not for the dress.
That's how much I saved
by cleaning it myself.
What was that for?
That's one of my
dollar-and-a-half specials.
Now you can afford to
get the dress cleaned.
Sorry, we're closed for dinner.
Item umber one.
How does it look?
That depends. What is it?
Hot sauerkraut.
You like hot sauerkraut?
Well, I didn't really know it
was sauerkraut when I bought it.
You see, I bought it in the
unlabeled can section for 18 cents.
See how I can budget?
Let's see how you can eat it.
Let's taste it before
we condemn it.
How is it?
Pretty good. You try it.
Uh... Yeah.
Okay. I'll... I'll try it.
Well?
The, uh... The
label didn't come off.
It was still in the can.
Unlabeled can number 2.
Guess what it is.
I can't even guess what it was.
Corned beef hash.
Possibly.
[coughs]
Would you like
something to wash it down?
Yeah. A sink.
Here we are, monsieur.
The budget beverage.
Water. Oh.
Á votre santé.
Ah. 1969.
You know, Donald,
it isn't every girl
who can prepare a five-course
meal for under a dollar.
You mean there's more?
I got an orange can, a
green can, and a red can.
Ah! A feast fit for a goat.
There is something
else I have for you.
It's a present. A present?
You found room for a
present in that budget?
Yes. There's always
room for you, Donald.
Open it up. Oh, honey!
A present!
A carton of gum?
A dozen packs.
A dozen.
Dumb, huh?
Honey, don't get me
wrong. I love the thought.
But it does seem silly for you
to make a whole budget meal
of hot sauerkraut and death
and then throw the money
away on a carton of gum.
Yeah, I know. It does
seem silly, doesn't it?
I don't really know
what happened.
I just... I just had
this kind of... urge.
Oh, Donald, forgive me.
Oh, honey, I don't
have to forgive you.
I love you wanting
to buy me a gift.
Yeah, but I went off the budget.
Oh, honey, that
should be up to you.
Look, honey,
let's just forget it.
I told I didn't want to be your
accountant in the first place.
Oh, please! Give
me another chance!
Look, look, look!
Just one more chance!
Watch. Big savings now.
Electricity, okay?
How much were the candles?
Nothing.
I made them from the fat
I scraped off the
corned beef hash.
[Man on TV] And once again,
the United States Military Academy
graduated a class of cadets.
And your reporter was
there as the 3,200 officers
celebrated their graduation
by the traditional
throwing of hats in the air.
[cheering]
What is it, honey?
How much do you
want for your tie?
Excuse me, Miss, has
the picture started yet?
Yes, sir, five minutes ago.
Are there any seats left?
Only in the first row.
All right. Give me two.
Oh, Donald, I'm sorry I'm late!
What happened? Did
you get caught in traffic?
No, I got caught in
a department store.
Oh. And it wouldn't release you
till you bought something, right?
The funniest thing happened.
I was on my way
out of the store,
and I hadn't bought a thing.
Yeah, that sounds funny already.
And I was crossing
through the millinery section
when this fabulous hat fell
of a shelf right at my feet.
Let me show it to
you. It's just fabulous.
Honey, we're gonna
be late for the movie.
Uh, two tickets, please.
I already bought
two tickets. Oh.
What else do you have?
I wonder if I can sue
that theater for whiplash.
Oh, Donald, we
weren't sitting that close.
I don't know. It's the
first time an usher
ever asked me to take
my feet off the screen.
[cuckoo] What's that?
Oh, that's my new cuckoo
clock. I just bought it.
Honey, why do you
need a cuckoo clock?
I don't need it.
I'm gonna return it tomorrow.
Then why did you
buy it in the first place?
I don't know.
I guess it was
just another... urge.
Look, honey, I don't think you
should be on a budget at all.
Why not?
Because I think that
not spending money
is giving you an
urge to spend money.
Donald, I really do
want to be on a budget.
Honey, I think we're
gonna have a fight.
Donald, I... I really,
honestly can't explain
why I keep buying
all these dumb things.
Sweetheart, you have a
right to buy dumb things.
It's your money. Do
what you want with it.
But I wanna
save it. I really do.
I just can't.
Do you remember what I told
you would happen if I got involved?
You said I'd go off my budget
and then we'd have an
argument and you'd go crazy.
Right! So for the
sake of my sanity,
I am officially no
longer involved.
Well, what about my sanity?
I don't understand
my own behavior.
It's as simple as that.
It's also that late.
I love you. Good night.
[door closes]
That wasn't even
30 cents' worth.
Hi, honey. Donald, hi!
What are you doing here?
I just wanted to see you.
I was kinda rough
on you last night.
Oh, that's okay.
It's really my fault.
I really have been
irresponsible with my money,
and I don't know why.
Honey, I don't want
you to worry about that.
It's part of your charm.
Besides, it's a good incentive
for me to become a millionaire.
As long as you're here, will
you take me to the dentist?
All right.
But as soon as
I'm a millionaire,
we're getting you a chauffer.
[laughs] The show
goes on in a few minutes.
Good luck. Thank you.
You're gonna love the scene.
It's my big dramatic moment
when I burst into tears
because my fiancé,
who I thought was my
cousins with a skin disease,
is cured and he buys
me an engagement ring.
Oh, yeah, right.
It's the old cured
cousin fiancé bit.
All right, all right.
Places, everyone.
We're going on the
air. This is our director.
Ann.
Uh, Dudley Moss,
Donald Hollinger.
Pleased to meet you, Dudley.
May I watch?
Yes, but quietly. We're live.
[bell rings]
[Dudley] On the air in 5...
4, 3, 2, 1... Cue.
Darling, buying you this ring
is the end of a
lifelong dream for me.
Are you sure you can
afford it, sweetheart?
Whatever it costs,
it will be worth it.
We have no money now.
We'll start our marriage
off with very little.
But we'll grow. We
must be optimistic.
I don't want you to spend
every penny on a ring.
I don't need it.
That. That way of yours.
That's why I love you
and want you to have it.
Here you are, sir.
And I shined it up.
That'll be $340.
I only have $300.
Can you trust me for a couple
of months with the other 40?
Yes.
Yes, sir.
Thank you. Oh, thank you.
Uh... uh...
And... and we'll
take that watch.
What's she doing?
And let me see. The,
uh... The bracelet.
What's she doing?
Um, give her anything
she wants. I'll sell my horse.
What horse? Where
did he get a horse?
And, uh, that broach.
She's killing me. I'll just die.
Oh, and that tiara.
And, well, let's
see. What else now?
I think we better go, dear.
The car is... The
meter is violating.
And, uh, a dozen earrings to go.
Cue the cable!
[no audible dialogue]
What possibly possessed
you to ruin the scene like that?
I don't know. When that actor
got nervous, I got all nervous.
He dropped his hat,
and I started acting nutty
and saying strange things and...
I don't know, Donald.
Something just came over me.
I had to have that watch.
You're irresponsible
with stage money, too?
Ready when you are, Miss Marie.
Oh, fine, Doctor.
Hi, Dr. Pellman.
Hello, Don. Long time no see.
Uh, Ann's been raving
about your painless technique.
Oh, did you feel anything
after you left the office?
Not a thing.
That's because I gave you
a post-hypnotic suggestion
so that you wouldn't have
any pain for the rest of the day.
Oh, really?
Doctor, would that work,
a post-hypnotic suggestion,
on trying to help somebody
stop biting their nails
or something like that?
In some cases.
Would it help on trying to help
somebody stop spending money?
If you could do that,
I'd use it on my wife.
At the drop of a hat,
she'll buy anything.
Well, are you ready,
Miss Marie? Yes.
[Doctor's voice] At the drop
of a hat, she'll buy anything.
At the drop of a hat,
she'll buy anything.
[cadets cheering on TV]
[cheering]
What is it, honey?
How much do you
want for your tie?
And I was crossing
through the millinery section
and this fabulous hat fell
of a shelf right at my feet.
Let me show it to
you. It's just fabulous.
Honey, we're gonna
be late for the movie.
Uh, two tickets, please.
[no audible dialogue]
And... and we'll
take that watch.
If you could do that,
I'd use it on my wife.
At the drop of a hat,
she'll buy anything.
Well, are you ready,
Miss Marie? Yes.
Now when I count
to 3, you will wake up
and forget everything that I
said to you during hypnosis.
You will feel fine and
forget everything else.
Everything.
1, 2, 3.
Am I finished?
As finished as you'll ever be.
Thank you, Dr. Pellman.
Well, it was a real pleasure.
And remember to brush
your teeth twice a day
and visit your dentist
twice a year. Yes, I will.
Oh, my.
I'm as clumsy as a...
An ox? That's good!
All finished.
Not quite. Huh?
You are about to
witness once again
a perfect example of why
you and I are in love with me.
While you were
filling her tooth, sir,
I was filling my mind.
It's a little more difficult
since I had the bigger cavity.
Now don't you say anything.
I wasn't gonna say a word.
To continue.
This young man, who
has been taken for granted
low these many years
has just come up with an answer
to one of the world's
greatest problems,
to wit: D.D.S.
That's Doctor of Dental Surgery.
That's Ding-a-Ling
Doris' spending.
Sir.
Donald, what are
you talking about?
Sir, in the interest
of science, may I?
Donald!
Observe.
Donald!
What does that
make you want to do?
Apologize. Sir, I'm terribly...
That's my best hat!
For heaven's sake!
Sir, I'm terribly sorry!
We'll buy you another one.
Aha!
[chewing]
You're trying to kill me.
I know you. I love you.
But I understand you totally,
and you're trying to kill me.
What are you talking about?
I can't stand it with
that ice chewing.
Oh, Donald, I'm sorry.
It's just that it's been so many
months since I could chew ice.
What do you mean?
The cavity? Mm-hmm.
You know what else I can
do now that it doesn't hurt?
What? [sucks in air]
Oh, that's perfect.
I'm in love with a girl
who chews ice and goes...
[sucks in air]
That's very romantic.
Well, you'll also be
very pleased to know
that since Dr. Pellman de-post-hypnotic
suggestioned me last week,
I haven't gone off my budget.
You're right. I am very
pleased to hear that.
Not that I really have to worry
too much longer about
budgeting my income.
I'm losing my job.
What happened?
Oh, you know.
Typical soap opera
character wipeout.
You see, after I get married,
my husband's first wife
who everybody thought
was killed in a
mudslide the year before
comes back to town with this
man that she met in the hospital.
It turns out to be
my twin brother
that I never even knew I had
except for the the
beauty mark on his chin
which matches exactly with
a beauty mark on my wrist
which in an operation
to have removed,
I get this infection.
And the doctor who
falls in love with me
decided to give up
medicine completely
and become a
guru and go to India
where I follow him
with my bandage,
and I get this
terrible infection
when the ocean water goes
into my infection when I'm going...
You'll love the story, Donald.
It's really terrific.