That Girl (1966–1971): Season 4, Episode 20 - Stocks & the Single Girl - full transcript
Ann accidentally but auspiciously meets Arnold Lindsey, who Donald later tells her is known as the Wolf of Wall Street for his shrewd investments. He is wealthy because of those investments. Donald is excited when he sees that the business card that Lindsey gave Ann has a list of stock symbols written on the back and the word "buy". Donald and Ann are uncertain about what to do with list. They decide to give the list back to Lindsey hoping that he will be grateful in a financial compensatory manner. However, Ann is only able to speak to Lindsey's personal secretary who implies that he requires the important list before the end of the trading day. As such, Ann and Donald, based on discussions with Newsview's financial columnist Ben White, decide to invest, using whatever money they can scrounge up from whatever sources, including Ann's father and White himself. What they are unaware of is that the important list is important in a different way than they thought. Will they find out that the list isn't what they thought before they invest and potentially lose their shirts?
Ann, would you like to
order something now?
Oh, oh, no thanks,
Eddie, I'll wait for Donald.
Well, I brought you
some unfinished wine
while you're waiting.
Oh, thank you.
11:30.
I got so involved in this,
I lost all track of time.
You also lost your
sense of direction.
[laughing] Oh, no.
You see, there's this girl,
and on the last page,
the man that she's in love with
asked her to leave her
husband, and she says,
"Don't you remember what I told
you the first time you asked me that?"
And he says, "Yes." And
she says, "Well, it still stands."
And he says, "I
understand." But I didn't,
I didn't remember what she
said the first time she said it.
So I've been trying
to check back.
Oh, is that good!
What is that? Donald's
going to love it.
At $30 a bottle?
$30 a bottle.
I just swallowed about 95 cents
in that one sip.
Who paid $30 a bottle
for a bottle of wine,
and left it half undrunk?
Undrunken.
I mean, they
didn't even finish it.
Oh, that's all right.
It's his second bottle.
Who? Who did?
[Eddie] That's Arnold Lindsey.
He's a multi-millionaire.
Not for long, unless
he gives up wine.
Hah, he could float a
battleship with this stuff
and take it out of petty cash.
You're kidding.
What does he do?
Plays the market.
Oh, yeah? And wins?
All the time.
[no audible dialogue]
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, I'll get that, Mr. Lindsey.
It's all right, Eddie, I
enjoy popping these myself.
You see that bottle
of champagne? Yeah.
You know what that cost?
No, and I don't want to,
because if there's any left over
and you bring it over to
me, I'd be afraid to drink it.
Give me some more
of the cheap stuff.
How much? How much did it cost?
[no audible dialogue]
[pops] Ah!
[glass breaking]
Ah! Oh!
Hey!
[no audible dialogue]
I'm so sorry, the cork got away.
Is everyone all right?
Good, everyone survived.
Everyone but that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
[no audible dialogue]
Oh, are you all right?
Oh, yes, thank you, I'm fine.
Just a little surprised,
but I saw it coming.
Why didn't you
get out of the way?
I didn't think it'd
come this far.
Eddie, I'm going to
go home and change.
When Donald gets
here, tell him to come over
and I'll fix him something
to eat at my place.
I am so sorry, it
was an accident.
Oh, I'm sure. You never
could have planned it.
Hardly. But I can
make up for it.
In the first place,
I spilled your wine.
Well, to be perfectly honest,
you spilled your wine.
[giggling] But it was delicious.
[chuckling] Good.
It's better in you than on you.
Oh, it's just my blouse.
Anyway, it's kind of old.
I ruined it. I'll buy
you a new one.
Well, to be fair, you should
really buy me an old one.
Look, it wasn't your fault.
Just forget about it.
No, no, I insist.
Here's my card.
You buy yourself a new
blouse, send me the bill.
[chuckling] Thank you
very much, Mr. Lindsey.
You win.
Actually, you lose.
My pleasure, Miss...
Marie. Ann Marie.
Nice name, and easy to remember.
That's why I don't need a card.
[laughing]
[knocking]
[Donald] Ann?
Ann, are you all right? Ann?
Donald, you're going
to break the door down!
Honey, are you
okay? Are you hurt?
I'm fine. Didn't Eddie
give you my message?
Yeah, he said there was a terrible
accident and you had to go home.
Oh, there was a silly accident,
I got some wine spilled
on me, but I'm fine.
Well, your lips still
work. [laughing]
I'm going to kill Eddie.
Well, I guess when you
do add up all the damages,
it was a pretty bad accident.
What happened?
Well, it's kind of
hard to explain.
Then forget it.
You don't want to hear about it?
Honey, I have seen you describe
things you think are easy to explain
and I don't understand them,
you're going to try
something you think is hard,
I don't stand a chance. Oh.
Honey, I'm sorry I'm so late,
but I just couldn't
lick that article.
Well, that's all right.
I, uh, did have a
pretty exciting evening,
and I met a very exciting man.
Oh? Who?
Well, it's kind of
hard to explain,
and you know me when
it comes to explaining.
I'll go fix you
something to eat.
Okay, okay, honey.
Who's the man?
Oh, the man who popped the cork
that hit the busboy that
dropped the dishes on the waiter
who stabbed the captain and
pushed the pastry cart into Eddie,
who dropped the wine on me.
Oh, that man.
His name is Arnold Lindsey,
and he's a multi-millionaire.
The Arnold Lindsey?
Is there a "The Arnold Lindsey?"
There sure is, he's known
as the Wolf of Wall Street.
Oh, no, Donald. This
man was very polite.
[chuckling] No, not
a wolf with women.
With money. He's a killer.
Oh, that's right, and he told me
he does play the stock market.
Oh, he gave me his card. Oh?
So that I can send him the bill
when I buy my new blouse.
Here it is, see?
Arnold Lindsey... Lindsey,
Carney, Bailey and Company.
That's him all right. What
was he doing at Nino's?
He likes the ravioli.
Then we should buy
some, it'll probably go up.
He's that smart?
Honey, when Arnold Lindsey
invests money in
the stock market,
it's like betting on Willie
Shoemaker in a one-horse race.
Here.
Oh, I don't need it.
I'm not going to
buy a new blouse.
Why not? He can afford it.
Oh, Donald,
that's not the point.
It was an accident.
Oh.
Do you need this list
of notes on the back?
I didn't make any notes.
What kind of eggs do you
want? Fried or scrambled?
Donald?
Donald, say something.
Buy.
What?
Buy, that's what it says
on the back of his card.
Buy what? Buy ESSX oil,
CBO fruit, PCE lumber.
Honey, if these things
are what I think they are...
Think what are?
Oh, no, no, forget it.
Forget it? I don't
know what to forget.
Honey, this is a list
of abbreviated symbols
used in the stock market
to signify large companies.
So? So!
So, if this is a list of things for
Mr. Lindsey to buy tomorrow,
this card could be
worth a fortune to us.
Sell it. Sell it.
No, no, honey...
Don't sell it.
Honey, if the
Wolf of Wall Street
is going to buy these stocks,
they must be as good as gold.
We could make a fortune!
You mean, if we
buy the same ones.
Yeah, that's
right. That's right.
Well, do it, do it.
Now, calm down,
just calm down.
First thing is he might
have bought these today,
and tomorrow, they could go
up as far as they're gonna go.
Yeah, right.
And in the second place,
to make a lot of money,
you have to have a lot
of money to buy with.
Oh. Money.
I know, I'll sell my clothes.
I'll sell all my clothes
except one dress to
pick up the winnings.
Now, honey, look, you're
getting much too excited.
That scares me.
Why? Donald, money is not evil
if you use it for good things,
like charities and
presents and rolling in.
What really frightens me
is that you're usually
excited and I'm usually calm.
But this time, we're both excited,
and I don't know how to handle it.
Oh, no, Donald. I think
you're handling it beautifully.
You're very calm.
What about this strange
compulsion to sell my clothes?
You too?
Donald! Donald?
Donald, don't... I'm here.
I saw you running down the hall,
and I called to you,
but you didn't hear me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm
just so nervous.
I'm just... what is it?
Coffee. No, no, I mean,
what is it you were
calling me about?
I was calling to tell
you I wasn't here.
Well, I could see that, Donald.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's just that I am so
jumpy about this thing.
I didn't sleep all
night last night.
I kept dreaming about what I
was going to say to Mr. Lindsey.
How could you dream
if you didn't sleep?
I must have slept.
Donald, what am I going to
say? What am I going to say?
Honey, now look, you're
just going to call him
and tell him you found the list.
Good. That's a good idea.
That's right, just nice like
that, like a nice thing to do,
with absolutely no idea
of any personal gain.
And he may think it's so nice,
that we might make
a huge personal gain.
Wait a minute. Do you think
he's gonna want to talk to you?
Sure he will. If he wants this
list, he's gonna want to talk to me.
He may talk to you, but he
may not want to tell you anything.
Well, there's no harm in asking.
And suppose he says no.
Well, I'll, I'll...
I'll cry a little.
Honey, that works on
me, but on Wall Street,
they're used to people crying.
Hello. Hello, Mr. Arnold
Lindsey, please.
Oh, Donald, I can hear so
much money being made.
[Ann] Arnold Lindsey, please.
I'm sorry, Mr. Lindsey
isn't available.
May I be of any assistance?
This is his personal secretary.
Oh, well, that depends
on how personal you are.
[no audible dialogue]
Uh, well, uh, what
I wanted to say is
Mr. Lindsey gave me his
business card last night,
and I was looking at it,
and there were some
things written on the back,
and I just wondered
whether or not,
you know, he needed them?
So that's where it is.
He's been hunting
for that list all morning.
How nice of you
to call, Miss, uh...
M-Marie. Ann Marie.
Uh, that list is really
important, huh?
I wonder if you would mind
reading it to me over the phone?
He, uh, really
needs that list, huh?
Definitely, and before
the market closes today.
[gasping]
Before the market closes today.
Today!
Today's the day,
Donald, oh, Donald!
The phone, the phone.
Uh, excuse me. Hello, hello.
Hello, yes, um,
it's, uh, ESSX oil,
uh, CBO fruit, PCE lumber,
and, uh, HTDY aluminum.
H-D-T-Y, that's HDTY aluminum.
Yes, that's the last one.
[chuckling] You're welcome, bye.
Donald, Donald,
we're rich, we're rich!
Now, wait a minute,
not yet, not yet.
Not yet, but soon.
I'd better call Ben White.
Right, right, good.
Who? Who's he? Why?
Honey, he's the financial
editor of Newsview magazine.
We'd better check on
this stuff. Right, we should
And we'll have to move fast.
The market closes at 3:00.
Right, right.
Money, where am I
going to get money?
Daddy, where am I
going to get Daddy?
Daddy? Donald, all the trouble
I've caused Daddy since
I've come to New York,
the one time I finally strike
gold, I can't leave him out.
Here, honey, how
do I do it, dial Daddy!
All right, but
talk to him quick.
[chattering]
[Secretary] Oh,
Mr. Lindsey, Yes?
I have your list.
Well, good girl. Where was it?
It was on the back of a
card you gave Miss Marie.
Of course.
She just called it in.
Well, thank goodness.
Ann, Miss Ann Marie.
Salad oil, assorted fruit,
heavy duty aluminum...
Why don't I take
it, Mr. Lindsey,
and I'll stop by the
supermarket during lunch.
Fine. I don't know how
to thank Miss Marie.
If I don't bring these things
up to the cabin for the weekend,
my wife will never forgive me.
Come on, Ben, come
on. We don't have all day.
Don't be in such a big
hurry to go bankrupt.
Bankrupt? Bite your tongue.
Oh, Daddy,
we're so glad you're
coming in on this with us.
What you're really saying is
you're both scared to death.
Misery loves company,
and I'm the company.
ESSX oil must be an
American stock exchange.
Lettuce, I didn't know
lettuce was a stock.
In a way, honey. It's
listed under commodities.
They're called futures, like
wheat, flour, and soybean.
Oh. I don't get it.
Honey, what your father means
is a person might
buy lettuce this year,
and hold it as an
investment for next year.
Who would want to buy
lettuce and hold it for a year?
Here it is,
Mr. Marie, Essex oil.
No wonder I couldn't
find it in the paper.
It's an unlisted stock.
Maybe it's in show
business. [laughing]
Uh, come on, Ben, what about it?
"A subsidiary of
Northern Food produce."
Hmm.
Not bad earnings per
share this past year.
But nothing I can see for
anybody to get excited about.
You know, it's just possible
that Mr. Lindsey has some
information about Essex Oil
that we know nothing about.
You mean a merger?
Maybe a merger.
There's no reason to
think there's a merger.
Let's not get
excited for nothing.
A merger, maybe a merger.
Why not a merger?
Definitely a merger!
Wow, a merger!
Exactly, and if
that's the truth,
the stock could go sky high.
What about the others, Ben?
CPO oil and PCE lumber?
And don't forget
about HDTY aluminum.
PCE, that's Price
Timber, not Price Lumber.
A good over-the-counter stock.
There is no price lumber.
Lumber, timber,
what's the difference?
Mr. Lindsey must have meant
timber and he wrote lumber.
That's an
understandable mistake,
I don't know the
millions of times
I've said lumber
when I meant timber.
Maybe once. Oh,
let's buy it, let's buy it!
Now, wait a minute,
honey. Wait a minute.
I say we go with
Price Timber, agreed?
Just a minute.
As the senior member
of this amalgamation,
I will make all the
determinations, if you don't mind.
[Donald] I'm sorry
sir, go right ahead.
We'll go with Price Timber.
What about CBO fruit?
That's Combo Fruit,
that's a new issue.
[gasps] Great, we'll
get it on the ground floor
and go all the way with it!
Wow, a merger!
Well, partners, I think
I've heard enough.
Me too, let's plunge.
If you'll excuse
me, I'm starved.
I'm going to bank. Merger!
Wait, wait.
[whispering] Keep it quiet.
[whispering] Merger.
What do we do next?
Well, this involves
several hundred dollars.
From each of us?
You have to put in to take out.
Donald, I don't need a
philosopher, I need a counterfeiter.
Where am I going to get
a couple hundred dollars?
I'll call my broker and
get on this right away.
Wait a minute.
Waiting is costing us money.
Okay, you've got ten seconds.
All I want to say,
is I think we're being
very unfair to Mr. Lindsey.
I mean, the least we could
do to show our appreciation
is to give him our business.
Honey, we don't have
time for thinking like that.
Don's right.
Besides, I don't have
an account at Lindsey's.
I do at Cooper and Company.
One phone call and it's done.
I don't think we're
being very grateful.
Don't think grateful,
think money.
I'll call Dave Cooper.
Besides, honey, Lindsey,
doesn't need our business.
Which has nothing
whatever to do with
the principle of
giving it to him.
Okay, you win.
Why are you giving in so fast?
Because every minute
is costing us money.
She gets more like
her mother every day.
Thank you. Okay, Daddy, I'm
going to run over and see Mr. Lindsey.
You scoot over to my bank,
and just transfer some money
into my checking account.
All right, how much?
How much can you spare?
How much can I spare?
Just temporarily.
I have enough for
my savings account,
but I don't want to touch it.
I'm afraid to ask why.
Permit me. Why?
Because I've already
touched it twice this month.
One more time, and
they'll charge me a quarter.
[chatter]
[no audible dialogue]
[phone ringing]
[Man] Uh-huh, 5,000 shares,
apartment co-op at 32 3/8.
Right. Thank you,
Mr. Rockefeller.
Rockefeller.
No relation. May I help you?
Oh, yes. I have a
list of stocks here
that I'd like to invest
in immediately,
before the market closes today.
Your name, please?
Ann... Marie, Ann, Miss.
Uh, Miss Marie, may I ask if
you have an account with us?
Well, no, I don't, but I
have excellent references.
You can call Macy's,
Gimbels, they'll tell you.
Miss Marie, I'm afraid we're not
talking about the
same types of accounts.
Now, if you're interested
in opening an account...
Uh, look, Mister, uh, Jonas,
I'm kind of in a hurry.
I'd like to get those
before the market closes today.
Couldn't I just
buy the stocks now
and then later, when
we're relaxed and easy,
we can talk about my
opening an account. Okay?
Combo Fruit, huh?
Yes. That's a, um,
a division of Northern
Food Produce,
as you most likely know,
with not a bad earnings
per share this year. Right?
You seem to know
the market quite well.
Thank you.
I've, you know, dabbled a bit.
Now, about my stocks.
Uh, well, Miss Marie, I'm sorry,
but without a credit account,
I'm afraid we can't help you.
It's a company policy.
Oh, uh, well, I, uh,
I guess I'll just have
to speak to Mr. Lindsey.
Maybe he can help me.
Oh? Uh, do you know Mr. Lindsey?
Yes, I know him.
But not your way of
thinking kind of knowing,
my way of thinking
kind of knowing.
Uh, Mr. Lindsey?
Jonas here.
Sorry to disturb you,
I have a Miss Ann
Marie here with me, and...
Yes, sir.
I'll extend her every courtesy.
Yes, sir.
Well, Miss Marie, it seems
I can help you after all.
Just how many shares of stock
were you interested
in purchasing?
Five.
Five?
You have to put in to take out.
Yes, of course. I'll
set this up right away.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, I was wondering,
while I'm waiting,
could I see how one
of those things works?
Things? What things?
You know, the machines
that make the stuff
that you throw at parades?
Oh, you must mean
the ticker tape machine.
I'm afraid they've been
obsolete for several years now.
So what do you throw at parades?
Well, on a bad day, we
shred the Wall Street Journal.
[laughing]
Oh, excuse me.
Sorry.
Miss Marie, if
you'd like to live
to see what happens
to your investments,
I suggest you take a seat.
[chuckling] Thank you.
I just come here
for the exercise.
Oh, hi.
Miss Marie, how nice.
Hi, Mr. Lindsey.
My gosh, this is some
place you have here.
Is it always this busy?
Almost always.
You see, the important thing is
trying to keep
up with the board.
I don't know, I
can keep up with it,
I just can't read it.
If you look at it this way,
it could pass for Japanese.
[chuckling] Yes.
I suppose to the uninitiated,
the symbols are a
little hard to understand.
But in time, one gets
to know what they mean.
Mmm. How about your investments?
Perhaps I can advise you.
[laughing] You already have.
I have?
Miss Marie, I'm afraid
I don't understand you.
Is there something in your eye?
Oh, don't worry, Mr. Lindsey.
Mum's the word.
There it goes again.
I'm sorry, it's just
that I'm so excited.
I've never made a killing
in the market before.
Excuse me, Mr. Lindsey,
could I see you for a minute?
Certainly. Excuse me.
Uh, a killing?
[no audible dialogue]
Miss Marie. Oh.
Oh, they said it'd be
all right if I sat here,
you know, out of the way.
Oh, that's fine.
Miss Marie, you said
you were making a killing?
Well, not as big a killing
as you're going to make
on you-know-what.
My dear, I'm afraid I lost you
at "you-know-what."
What exactly is "you-know-what?"
If you want to play it
cagey, Mr. Lindsey,
it's okay with me.
Oil, fruit, and lumber.
Oh, of course, and I meant
to thank you very much
for your thoughtfulness
on that matter.
That was a very important list.
Well, it was
important to us too.
Us?
Me, my father, my
boyfriend, his friend.
When we read the
back of your card
and saw what you were
buying on the market...
Not on the market, Miss Marie,
you mean, in the market.
On, in, what's the difference?
I mean, we... Miss Marie.
You mean that because
of what was written
on the back of my business card,
you invested?
Sure, we checked
into everything.
Essex Oil, or
ESX, as you put it,
Combo Fruit, CBO, Price Timber.
Oh, by the way, you
had lumber and it's timber.
You'd better change it.
How much did you, I
mean, all of you, invest?
We're in up to our
necks, five shares each.
[laughing]
Is something funny?
My dear girl, I don't
know how to tell you this,
[whispering] Salad
oil, assorted fruit,
and the price of lumber.
Salad oil?
Assorted fruit?
I'm afraid that's true.
But, well, what about
HDTY aluminum?
H-D-T-Y?
Heavy duty aluminum foil.
My wife and I are
barbequing tonight.
Oh, what about Price Timber?
You can't get that
in a supermarket.
Price lumber.
That was a memo for me
to stop by the lumber yard
and get an estimate.
I'm re-paneling my den.
How nice.
There's no reason
for tears, Miss Marie.
Oh, no?
The crash of '29 was nothing
compared to the noise
you're going to hear
when my father and
boyfriend get through with me.
Well, why tell them?
If the stocks decline,
you can blame me.
Oh, they'll blame you,
but they'll blame me first.
Maybe they won't.
Miss Marie, I know you
don't understand this,
but look anyway.
I'm looking, and you're right,
I-I don't understand it.
But it looks like you've made
a fairly good
investment after all.
I have? Where?
W-W-Where? H-How much? How much?
Well, I'd say that you've
made an average of one point
on every share you bought.
Oh, my gosh!
That means we've all made $5
since I've been here!
Do you want to sell?
No, no chance.
What do you think?
It's up to you.
We'll stick with them.
Well, I was never one
for playing hunches
on the market,
but I think I'll join you.
What else were you
thinking of buying?
Well, lettuce, but I found out
you have to hold it for a year.
If I were you, I'd buy
some strawberries.
They're in season, you
can put them in the freezer
and forget about 'em.
[Mr. Marie] Guess so,
you really did it, my boy.
[Donald] Yes,
sir, we really did.
Perfect timing. Every one of
our stocks is on the upswing.
We should be able to pull out
by the end of next week
with a very tidy profit.
You mean sell?
Sell? Sell what?
[Mr. Marie] Our stocks,
by the end of next week.
Why, Daddy?
Because the secret of
investing in the stock market
is not just investing,
it's knowing when to get out
before it's too late.
Well, I don't think
it's ever too late
to protect your investments.
Honey, how?
By investing in
your investments.
Dinner is served.
This is dinner?
The salad will be dressed
with Essex Oil and vinegar,
and of course, you all recognize
Combo Fruit.
Dig in.
Where are you going?
To buy stock in roast beef.
Donald.
Closed-Captioned by J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
order something now?
Oh, oh, no thanks,
Eddie, I'll wait for Donald.
Well, I brought you
some unfinished wine
while you're waiting.
Oh, thank you.
11:30.
I got so involved in this,
I lost all track of time.
You also lost your
sense of direction.
[laughing] Oh, no.
You see, there's this girl,
and on the last page,
the man that she's in love with
asked her to leave her
husband, and she says,
"Don't you remember what I told
you the first time you asked me that?"
And he says, "Yes." And
she says, "Well, it still stands."
And he says, "I
understand." But I didn't,
I didn't remember what she
said the first time she said it.
So I've been trying
to check back.
Oh, is that good!
What is that? Donald's
going to love it.
At $30 a bottle?
$30 a bottle.
I just swallowed about 95 cents
in that one sip.
Who paid $30 a bottle
for a bottle of wine,
and left it half undrunk?
Undrunken.
I mean, they
didn't even finish it.
Oh, that's all right.
It's his second bottle.
Who? Who did?
[Eddie] That's Arnold Lindsey.
He's a multi-millionaire.
Not for long, unless
he gives up wine.
Hah, he could float a
battleship with this stuff
and take it out of petty cash.
You're kidding.
What does he do?
Plays the market.
Oh, yeah? And wins?
All the time.
[no audible dialogue]
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, I'll get that, Mr. Lindsey.
It's all right, Eddie, I
enjoy popping these myself.
You see that bottle
of champagne? Yeah.
You know what that cost?
No, and I don't want to,
because if there's any left over
and you bring it over to
me, I'd be afraid to drink it.
Give me some more
of the cheap stuff.
How much? How much did it cost?
[no audible dialogue]
[pops] Ah!
[glass breaking]
Ah! Oh!
Hey!
[no audible dialogue]
I'm so sorry, the cork got away.
Is everyone all right?
Good, everyone survived.
Everyone but that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
[no audible dialogue]
Oh, are you all right?
Oh, yes, thank you, I'm fine.
Just a little surprised,
but I saw it coming.
Why didn't you
get out of the way?
I didn't think it'd
come this far.
Eddie, I'm going to
go home and change.
When Donald gets
here, tell him to come over
and I'll fix him something
to eat at my place.
I am so sorry, it
was an accident.
Oh, I'm sure. You never
could have planned it.
Hardly. But I can
make up for it.
In the first place,
I spilled your wine.
Well, to be perfectly honest,
you spilled your wine.
[giggling] But it was delicious.
[chuckling] Good.
It's better in you than on you.
Oh, it's just my blouse.
Anyway, it's kind of old.
I ruined it. I'll buy
you a new one.
Well, to be fair, you should
really buy me an old one.
Look, it wasn't your fault.
Just forget about it.
No, no, I insist.
Here's my card.
You buy yourself a new
blouse, send me the bill.
[chuckling] Thank you
very much, Mr. Lindsey.
You win.
Actually, you lose.
My pleasure, Miss...
Marie. Ann Marie.
Nice name, and easy to remember.
That's why I don't need a card.
[laughing]
[knocking]
[Donald] Ann?
Ann, are you all right? Ann?
Donald, you're going
to break the door down!
Honey, are you
okay? Are you hurt?
I'm fine. Didn't Eddie
give you my message?
Yeah, he said there was a terrible
accident and you had to go home.
Oh, there was a silly accident,
I got some wine spilled
on me, but I'm fine.
Well, your lips still
work. [laughing]
I'm going to kill Eddie.
Well, I guess when you
do add up all the damages,
it was a pretty bad accident.
What happened?
Well, it's kind of
hard to explain.
Then forget it.
You don't want to hear about it?
Honey, I have seen you describe
things you think are easy to explain
and I don't understand them,
you're going to try
something you think is hard,
I don't stand a chance. Oh.
Honey, I'm sorry I'm so late,
but I just couldn't
lick that article.
Well, that's all right.
I, uh, did have a
pretty exciting evening,
and I met a very exciting man.
Oh? Who?
Well, it's kind of
hard to explain,
and you know me when
it comes to explaining.
I'll go fix you
something to eat.
Okay, okay, honey.
Who's the man?
Oh, the man who popped the cork
that hit the busboy that
dropped the dishes on the waiter
who stabbed the captain and
pushed the pastry cart into Eddie,
who dropped the wine on me.
Oh, that man.
His name is Arnold Lindsey,
and he's a multi-millionaire.
The Arnold Lindsey?
Is there a "The Arnold Lindsey?"
There sure is, he's known
as the Wolf of Wall Street.
Oh, no, Donald. This
man was very polite.
[chuckling] No, not
a wolf with women.
With money. He's a killer.
Oh, that's right, and he told me
he does play the stock market.
Oh, he gave me his card. Oh?
So that I can send him the bill
when I buy my new blouse.
Here it is, see?
Arnold Lindsey... Lindsey,
Carney, Bailey and Company.
That's him all right. What
was he doing at Nino's?
He likes the ravioli.
Then we should buy
some, it'll probably go up.
He's that smart?
Honey, when Arnold Lindsey
invests money in
the stock market,
it's like betting on Willie
Shoemaker in a one-horse race.
Here.
Oh, I don't need it.
I'm not going to
buy a new blouse.
Why not? He can afford it.
Oh, Donald,
that's not the point.
It was an accident.
Oh.
Do you need this list
of notes on the back?
I didn't make any notes.
What kind of eggs do you
want? Fried or scrambled?
Donald?
Donald, say something.
Buy.
What?
Buy, that's what it says
on the back of his card.
Buy what? Buy ESSX oil,
CBO fruit, PCE lumber.
Honey, if these things
are what I think they are...
Think what are?
Oh, no, no, forget it.
Forget it? I don't
know what to forget.
Honey, this is a list
of abbreviated symbols
used in the stock market
to signify large companies.
So? So!
So, if this is a list of things for
Mr. Lindsey to buy tomorrow,
this card could be
worth a fortune to us.
Sell it. Sell it.
No, no, honey...
Don't sell it.
Honey, if the
Wolf of Wall Street
is going to buy these stocks,
they must be as good as gold.
We could make a fortune!
You mean, if we
buy the same ones.
Yeah, that's
right. That's right.
Well, do it, do it.
Now, calm down,
just calm down.
First thing is he might
have bought these today,
and tomorrow, they could go
up as far as they're gonna go.
Yeah, right.
And in the second place,
to make a lot of money,
you have to have a lot
of money to buy with.
Oh. Money.
I know, I'll sell my clothes.
I'll sell all my clothes
except one dress to
pick up the winnings.
Now, honey, look, you're
getting much too excited.
That scares me.
Why? Donald, money is not evil
if you use it for good things,
like charities and
presents and rolling in.
What really frightens me
is that you're usually
excited and I'm usually calm.
But this time, we're both excited,
and I don't know how to handle it.
Oh, no, Donald. I think
you're handling it beautifully.
You're very calm.
What about this strange
compulsion to sell my clothes?
You too?
Donald! Donald?
Donald, don't... I'm here.
I saw you running down the hall,
and I called to you,
but you didn't hear me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm
just so nervous.
I'm just... what is it?
Coffee. No, no, I mean,
what is it you were
calling me about?
I was calling to tell
you I wasn't here.
Well, I could see that, Donald.
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's just that I am so
jumpy about this thing.
I didn't sleep all
night last night.
I kept dreaming about what I
was going to say to Mr. Lindsey.
How could you dream
if you didn't sleep?
I must have slept.
Donald, what am I going to
say? What am I going to say?
Honey, now look, you're
just going to call him
and tell him you found the list.
Good. That's a good idea.
That's right, just nice like
that, like a nice thing to do,
with absolutely no idea
of any personal gain.
And he may think it's so nice,
that we might make
a huge personal gain.
Wait a minute. Do you think
he's gonna want to talk to you?
Sure he will. If he wants this
list, he's gonna want to talk to me.
He may talk to you, but he
may not want to tell you anything.
Well, there's no harm in asking.
And suppose he says no.
Well, I'll, I'll...
I'll cry a little.
Honey, that works on
me, but on Wall Street,
they're used to people crying.
Hello. Hello, Mr. Arnold
Lindsey, please.
Oh, Donald, I can hear so
much money being made.
[Ann] Arnold Lindsey, please.
I'm sorry, Mr. Lindsey
isn't available.
May I be of any assistance?
This is his personal secretary.
Oh, well, that depends
on how personal you are.
[no audible dialogue]
Uh, well, uh, what
I wanted to say is
Mr. Lindsey gave me his
business card last night,
and I was looking at it,
and there were some
things written on the back,
and I just wondered
whether or not,
you know, he needed them?
So that's where it is.
He's been hunting
for that list all morning.
How nice of you
to call, Miss, uh...
M-Marie. Ann Marie.
Uh, that list is really
important, huh?
I wonder if you would mind
reading it to me over the phone?
He, uh, really
needs that list, huh?
Definitely, and before
the market closes today.
[gasping]
Before the market closes today.
Today!
Today's the day,
Donald, oh, Donald!
The phone, the phone.
Uh, excuse me. Hello, hello.
Hello, yes, um,
it's, uh, ESSX oil,
uh, CBO fruit, PCE lumber,
and, uh, HTDY aluminum.
H-D-T-Y, that's HDTY aluminum.
Yes, that's the last one.
[chuckling] You're welcome, bye.
Donald, Donald,
we're rich, we're rich!
Now, wait a minute,
not yet, not yet.
Not yet, but soon.
I'd better call Ben White.
Right, right, good.
Who? Who's he? Why?
Honey, he's the financial
editor of Newsview magazine.
We'd better check on
this stuff. Right, we should
And we'll have to move fast.
The market closes at 3:00.
Right, right.
Money, where am I
going to get money?
Daddy, where am I
going to get Daddy?
Daddy? Donald, all the trouble
I've caused Daddy since
I've come to New York,
the one time I finally strike
gold, I can't leave him out.
Here, honey, how
do I do it, dial Daddy!
All right, but
talk to him quick.
[chattering]
[Secretary] Oh,
Mr. Lindsey, Yes?
I have your list.
Well, good girl. Where was it?
It was on the back of a
card you gave Miss Marie.
Of course.
She just called it in.
Well, thank goodness.
Ann, Miss Ann Marie.
Salad oil, assorted fruit,
heavy duty aluminum...
Why don't I take
it, Mr. Lindsey,
and I'll stop by the
supermarket during lunch.
Fine. I don't know how
to thank Miss Marie.
If I don't bring these things
up to the cabin for the weekend,
my wife will never forgive me.
Come on, Ben, come
on. We don't have all day.
Don't be in such a big
hurry to go bankrupt.
Bankrupt? Bite your tongue.
Oh, Daddy,
we're so glad you're
coming in on this with us.
What you're really saying is
you're both scared to death.
Misery loves company,
and I'm the company.
ESSX oil must be an
American stock exchange.
Lettuce, I didn't know
lettuce was a stock.
In a way, honey. It's
listed under commodities.
They're called futures, like
wheat, flour, and soybean.
Oh. I don't get it.
Honey, what your father means
is a person might
buy lettuce this year,
and hold it as an
investment for next year.
Who would want to buy
lettuce and hold it for a year?
Here it is,
Mr. Marie, Essex oil.
No wonder I couldn't
find it in the paper.
It's an unlisted stock.
Maybe it's in show
business. [laughing]
Uh, come on, Ben, what about it?
"A subsidiary of
Northern Food produce."
Hmm.
Not bad earnings per
share this past year.
But nothing I can see for
anybody to get excited about.
You know, it's just possible
that Mr. Lindsey has some
information about Essex Oil
that we know nothing about.
You mean a merger?
Maybe a merger.
There's no reason to
think there's a merger.
Let's not get
excited for nothing.
A merger, maybe a merger.
Why not a merger?
Definitely a merger!
Wow, a merger!
Exactly, and if
that's the truth,
the stock could go sky high.
What about the others, Ben?
CPO oil and PCE lumber?
And don't forget
about HDTY aluminum.
PCE, that's Price
Timber, not Price Lumber.
A good over-the-counter stock.
There is no price lumber.
Lumber, timber,
what's the difference?
Mr. Lindsey must have meant
timber and he wrote lumber.
That's an
understandable mistake,
I don't know the
millions of times
I've said lumber
when I meant timber.
Maybe once. Oh,
let's buy it, let's buy it!
Now, wait a minute,
honey. Wait a minute.
I say we go with
Price Timber, agreed?
Just a minute.
As the senior member
of this amalgamation,
I will make all the
determinations, if you don't mind.
[Donald] I'm sorry
sir, go right ahead.
We'll go with Price Timber.
What about CBO fruit?
That's Combo Fruit,
that's a new issue.
[gasps] Great, we'll
get it on the ground floor
and go all the way with it!
Wow, a merger!
Well, partners, I think
I've heard enough.
Me too, let's plunge.
If you'll excuse
me, I'm starved.
I'm going to bank. Merger!
Wait, wait.
[whispering] Keep it quiet.
[whispering] Merger.
What do we do next?
Well, this involves
several hundred dollars.
From each of us?
You have to put in to take out.
Donald, I don't need a
philosopher, I need a counterfeiter.
Where am I going to get
a couple hundred dollars?
I'll call my broker and
get on this right away.
Wait a minute.
Waiting is costing us money.
Okay, you've got ten seconds.
All I want to say,
is I think we're being
very unfair to Mr. Lindsey.
I mean, the least we could
do to show our appreciation
is to give him our business.
Honey, we don't have
time for thinking like that.
Don's right.
Besides, I don't have
an account at Lindsey's.
I do at Cooper and Company.
One phone call and it's done.
I don't think we're
being very grateful.
Don't think grateful,
think money.
I'll call Dave Cooper.
Besides, honey, Lindsey,
doesn't need our business.
Which has nothing
whatever to do with
the principle of
giving it to him.
Okay, you win.
Why are you giving in so fast?
Because every minute
is costing us money.
She gets more like
her mother every day.
Thank you. Okay, Daddy, I'm
going to run over and see Mr. Lindsey.
You scoot over to my bank,
and just transfer some money
into my checking account.
All right, how much?
How much can you spare?
How much can I spare?
Just temporarily.
I have enough for
my savings account,
but I don't want to touch it.
I'm afraid to ask why.
Permit me. Why?
Because I've already
touched it twice this month.
One more time, and
they'll charge me a quarter.
[chatter]
[no audible dialogue]
[phone ringing]
[Man] Uh-huh, 5,000 shares,
apartment co-op at 32 3/8.
Right. Thank you,
Mr. Rockefeller.
Rockefeller.
No relation. May I help you?
Oh, yes. I have a
list of stocks here
that I'd like to invest
in immediately,
before the market closes today.
Your name, please?
Ann... Marie, Ann, Miss.
Uh, Miss Marie, may I ask if
you have an account with us?
Well, no, I don't, but I
have excellent references.
You can call Macy's,
Gimbels, they'll tell you.
Miss Marie, I'm afraid we're not
talking about the
same types of accounts.
Now, if you're interested
in opening an account...
Uh, look, Mister, uh, Jonas,
I'm kind of in a hurry.
I'd like to get those
before the market closes today.
Couldn't I just
buy the stocks now
and then later, when
we're relaxed and easy,
we can talk about my
opening an account. Okay?
Combo Fruit, huh?
Yes. That's a, um,
a division of Northern
Food Produce,
as you most likely know,
with not a bad earnings
per share this year. Right?
You seem to know
the market quite well.
Thank you.
I've, you know, dabbled a bit.
Now, about my stocks.
Uh, well, Miss Marie, I'm sorry,
but without a credit account,
I'm afraid we can't help you.
It's a company policy.
Oh, uh, well, I, uh,
I guess I'll just have
to speak to Mr. Lindsey.
Maybe he can help me.
Oh? Uh, do you know Mr. Lindsey?
Yes, I know him.
But not your way of
thinking kind of knowing,
my way of thinking
kind of knowing.
Uh, Mr. Lindsey?
Jonas here.
Sorry to disturb you,
I have a Miss Ann
Marie here with me, and...
Yes, sir.
I'll extend her every courtesy.
Yes, sir.
Well, Miss Marie, it seems
I can help you after all.
Just how many shares of stock
were you interested
in purchasing?
Five.
Five?
You have to put in to take out.
Yes, of course. I'll
set this up right away.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, I was wondering,
while I'm waiting,
could I see how one
of those things works?
Things? What things?
You know, the machines
that make the stuff
that you throw at parades?
Oh, you must mean
the ticker tape machine.
I'm afraid they've been
obsolete for several years now.
So what do you throw at parades?
Well, on a bad day, we
shred the Wall Street Journal.
[laughing]
Oh, excuse me.
Sorry.
Miss Marie, if
you'd like to live
to see what happens
to your investments,
I suggest you take a seat.
[chuckling] Thank you.
I just come here
for the exercise.
Oh, hi.
Miss Marie, how nice.
Hi, Mr. Lindsey.
My gosh, this is some
place you have here.
Is it always this busy?
Almost always.
You see, the important thing is
trying to keep
up with the board.
I don't know, I
can keep up with it,
I just can't read it.
If you look at it this way,
it could pass for Japanese.
[chuckling] Yes.
I suppose to the uninitiated,
the symbols are a
little hard to understand.
But in time, one gets
to know what they mean.
Mmm. How about your investments?
Perhaps I can advise you.
[laughing] You already have.
I have?
Miss Marie, I'm afraid
I don't understand you.
Is there something in your eye?
Oh, don't worry, Mr. Lindsey.
Mum's the word.
There it goes again.
I'm sorry, it's just
that I'm so excited.
I've never made a killing
in the market before.
Excuse me, Mr. Lindsey,
could I see you for a minute?
Certainly. Excuse me.
Uh, a killing?
[no audible dialogue]
Miss Marie. Oh.
Oh, they said it'd be
all right if I sat here,
you know, out of the way.
Oh, that's fine.
Miss Marie, you said
you were making a killing?
Well, not as big a killing
as you're going to make
on you-know-what.
My dear, I'm afraid I lost you
at "you-know-what."
What exactly is "you-know-what?"
If you want to play it
cagey, Mr. Lindsey,
it's okay with me.
Oil, fruit, and lumber.
Oh, of course, and I meant
to thank you very much
for your thoughtfulness
on that matter.
That was a very important list.
Well, it was
important to us too.
Us?
Me, my father, my
boyfriend, his friend.
When we read the
back of your card
and saw what you were
buying on the market...
Not on the market, Miss Marie,
you mean, in the market.
On, in, what's the difference?
I mean, we... Miss Marie.
You mean that because
of what was written
on the back of my business card,
you invested?
Sure, we checked
into everything.
Essex Oil, or
ESX, as you put it,
Combo Fruit, CBO, Price Timber.
Oh, by the way, you
had lumber and it's timber.
You'd better change it.
How much did you, I
mean, all of you, invest?
We're in up to our
necks, five shares each.
[laughing]
Is something funny?
My dear girl, I don't
know how to tell you this,
[whispering] Salad
oil, assorted fruit,
and the price of lumber.
Salad oil?
Assorted fruit?
I'm afraid that's true.
But, well, what about
HDTY aluminum?
H-D-T-Y?
Heavy duty aluminum foil.
My wife and I are
barbequing tonight.
Oh, what about Price Timber?
You can't get that
in a supermarket.
Price lumber.
That was a memo for me
to stop by the lumber yard
and get an estimate.
I'm re-paneling my den.
How nice.
There's no reason
for tears, Miss Marie.
Oh, no?
The crash of '29 was nothing
compared to the noise
you're going to hear
when my father and
boyfriend get through with me.
Well, why tell them?
If the stocks decline,
you can blame me.
Oh, they'll blame you,
but they'll blame me first.
Maybe they won't.
Miss Marie, I know you
don't understand this,
but look anyway.
I'm looking, and you're right,
I-I don't understand it.
But it looks like you've made
a fairly good
investment after all.
I have? Where?
W-W-Where? H-How much? How much?
Well, I'd say that you've
made an average of one point
on every share you bought.
Oh, my gosh!
That means we've all made $5
since I've been here!
Do you want to sell?
No, no chance.
What do you think?
It's up to you.
We'll stick with them.
Well, I was never one
for playing hunches
on the market,
but I think I'll join you.
What else were you
thinking of buying?
Well, lettuce, but I found out
you have to hold it for a year.
If I were you, I'd buy
some strawberries.
They're in season, you
can put them in the freezer
and forget about 'em.
[Mr. Marie] Guess so,
you really did it, my boy.
[Donald] Yes,
sir, we really did.
Perfect timing. Every one of
our stocks is on the upswing.
We should be able to pull out
by the end of next week
with a very tidy profit.
You mean sell?
Sell? Sell what?
[Mr. Marie] Our stocks,
by the end of next week.
Why, Daddy?
Because the secret of
investing in the stock market
is not just investing,
it's knowing when to get out
before it's too late.
Well, I don't think
it's ever too late
to protect your investments.
Honey, how?
By investing in
your investments.
Dinner is served.
This is dinner?
The salad will be dressed
with Essex Oil and vinegar,
and of course, you all recognize
Combo Fruit.
Dig in.
Where are you going?
To buy stock in roast beef.
Donald.
Closed-Captioned by J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA