That Girl (1966–1971): Season 4, Episode 2 - Mission Improbable: Part 2 - full transcript
Ann is quickly found out by Taylor and Becker to be a mole in the Sleeptight factory for Schneider, but not before Taylor and Becker decide to have their own payback for Schneider. Through it all, Taylor swears to Ann that he didn't steal Schneider's designs. Ann now feels caught in the middle because she likes both Taylor and Schneider, and doesn't know who to believe. It becomes even more difficult for Ann when she learns from Becker that the two sleepwear giants have more than their businesses as a connecting point, and that their feud does not originally stem from stolen sleepwear designs. Ann, seeing that each has a different strength in the business, believes that they should join forces under one company. She has a plan to make that happen. However only if Taylor and Schneider truly want it to happen can it come to fruition.
[Ann] Don't ask me how I went
from a pajama model to
an industrial spy in one day.
But I did. Not that I knew
what Leo Schneider,
my boss, had in mind
when he called
me into his office.
Look, Miss Marie, I won't
beat around the shrub.
I have a nice opening for an
actress... if you're interested.
In the theater?
Not exactly.
Well, what, a workshop?
A sweatshop.
Then he hit me with it.
Me? You want me to be a... a
spy? You want me to be a spy?
Please! A counterspy!
All I'm asking you
is to go click-click
with a little camera.
I'd like to see if he's out
to steal me blind
again this season.
Well, naturally, I
had to think about it.
I can't believe you. I
really can't believe you.
Oh, Donald, please
don't be upset with me.
Don't be upset? Honey, how
do you think I'm gonna feel
sitting in my office knowing
you're out somewhere spying?
Mr. Schneider is
a very nice man,
and somebody is
stealing from him,
which is definitely wrong,
so why shouldn't I
help? That's the trouble
with the world today, you know,
Donald. Everybody's sitting back
saying, "I don't want to get
involved." Well, I can't do that.
So I agreed to do it,
and since I had to get
into the competitor's factory
to see if they were stealing
Mr. Schneider's
new line of pajamas,
I had to learn how to
run a sewing machine.
Here. Look at it. Tell
me what you think.
Terrific. Perfect
for anybody who can lift
110 pounds over their head.
What 110 pounds?
You and the pajama top.
After that, it was easy.
I got the job...
met the girls...
and went to work
as an industrial spy.
It seemed terribly easy.
Mr. Schneider gave
me a little camera
hidden inside a banana,
and all I had to do
was wander over
to the sample rack
and take a few pictures.
Want me to go grab her?
No, not yet.
As long as she's
just fooling around
with those samples.
Yeah, but she's gonna get
to the new line sooner or later.
I know.
I just want to give
her a little time
to hang herself with
her own drawstring.
Oh, excuse me. After four kids,
I forgot people
still close doors.
It's okay, Sophie. Come on in.
I, uh, I got those thread
samples you wanted.
Well, leave 'em on
the desk, please,
and, uh... come here, Sophie.
Huh?
You've been with us how long?
Seven years?
Eight.
In eight years, ever seen
a spy running
loose in this place?
[laughing] A spy?
Here? Never.
Well, we got one now.
Who?
That girl.
♪♪ [theme]
You mean all this time
that nice little girl I
offered my eggplant salad...
And to do this to
you, of all people!
Mr. Sweetness.
We think maybe it was Leo
who sent her over
to answer the ad.
Leo Schneider?
Who else would
go to all this trouble?
Of all the terrible...
After you were so good to her.
Do you want me to
sew her to the floor?
Uh, thanks, Sophie.
I've already got
something better in mind.
Well, if you change your
mind, you just let me know,
and I promise you
that'll be the last camera
she ever peels.
What's the something
better you have in mind?
Look, remember
that French froufrou
we had designed
special for us last season?
By the sissy?
Yeah. How much did we pay
for that terribleness?
Well, it was a Paris creation.
So was the hunchback
of Notre Dame.
Ugly is ugly.
Now, suppose we
have the little girl
take pictures of this
like our entire future
depended on it.
And if it's Leo, like
we think it's Leo...
And it's Leo.
Believe me, it's Leo.
He should steal
it in good health.
Ha ha ha ha! Look at that!
[bell rings]
[chuckles]
Overripe. [chuckles]
But I will have some of
your eggplant salad now
if you have any left.
Oh, I'm very sorry, Ina.
There is a little bit left,
but I'd like to take
it home to my dog.
Oh.
Well, then maybe
some other time.
Miss Albert. Yes.
If I can see you for a minute?
Oh. Certainly.
[chuckles]
Ina, dear...
I've been keeping an eye on you.
You have?
I like what I see.
Oh. [chuckles] Thank you.
You see those sample
racks over there?
Most people think that those are
our new line for next season.
Oh?
Yeah. Strictly a put-on
in case anybody
should get, uh... nosy?
[chuckling] Yeah? Yeah?
[laughs]
Which brings me to you.
It does?
I want you to go to work for us
in our restricted area,
where we got the
real blockbusters.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, I... I don't
know what to say!
Say nothin'. Not a peep.
Particularly after you
see our secret weapon.
It's absolutely gonna turn the
entire industry upside-down,
it's such a knockout.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Taylor.
I... I'm really flattered.
Well, you don't have
to feel so flattered.
I'm only doing it
because I trust you.
Oh.
Listen, I know you kids,
uh, you like to burn
up a lot of energy,
so if you got somethin' to eat,
bring it with you,
whatever it is...
A cookie, a sandwich,
a banana. [chuckles]
You'll need it.
[swallowed chuckle]
I've got something left.
One rubber heel, please.
You got the film?
Right here.
Hey. You really got something?
Did I! I want you to know
they put me in a special room
to work on their blockbuster.
It's the last five
pictures on the roll.
Wait'll you see it.
What have I got, X-ray eyes?
So take it to the drugstore
and have it developed.
The drugstore?
You take spy pictures
to a drugstore?
Not necessarily.
Do you know a good spy store?
[coughs, chuckles] Nice day...
and getting nicer all the time.
Yes, it certainly is.
Ha ha. Well, uh,
good-bye, Miss, uh...
What's-Your-Name. Uh...
nice bumping into you.
Well, what do you think, Becker?
Time to blow the whistle
on Miss Cloak and Dagger?
With pleasure.
Okay. Let's have a
floor show with our lunch.
All right, girls!
Lunch is a few
minutes early today!
Take your break now!
Hey, you, too.
You, too.
Ina. Bring your bag.
The boss wants to
have lunch with you.
Oh. Gee... Gee, that's
very nice. [chuckles]
Well, why me?
Uh, come on.
Come on.
Follow me. Yes.
[chuckles] Well, Ina,
nice of you to join us. Yes.
Here. Sit down.
Oh. Thank you.
Yeah, take out your lunch.
Spread it out.
Make yourself comfortable.
Okay.
Yeah, nice.
Hey! That looks
nice. Uh, what is it?
Oh, that's just
bologna-and-cheese.
Hey, that's great.
I'll tell you what.
I'll swap you. Half your
bologna-and-cheese
for half my hot pastrami.
Oh. [chuckles] Fine.
Thank you.
Done.
How 'bout you, Becker?
Want to make a deal?
I got an apple.
An... oh, perfect.
Your apple for
little Ina's banana.
Oh, no, Mr. Taylor! Uh, please.
It... It's my diet. I have
to have a banana a day.
I thought it was an apple a day.
No, not for me. It's
my doctor's orders.
I have a... I have a
definite banana deficiency.
I'm sure you do.
But then may I suggest
that you eat the banana first.
That way, it can take pictures
of your bologna- and-cheese
sandwich on its way down!
I beg your pardon?
The joke is over, Miss Albert.
We know what you've
been doing and for who.
Or maybe the name
Schneider doesn't ring a bell.
I... I really don't know
what you're talking about.
I don't know any Leo Schneider.
Who said Leo Schneider?
Oh. I... [stammers]
I... I don't mean
that Leo Schneider.
I mean another Leo, a totally...
A different, another Leo.
All right, so I am a spy!
But what about you?
Are you any better?
Stealing?
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about!
You stole Mr. Schneider's
chain gang number.
The chain gang idea was mine!
Oh, really? And what about
Mr. Schneider's uptights
and his jolly nightclowns?
I suppose it was
just a coincidence
that you came out with the
very same thing last year.
A coincidence,
no. Brilliance, yes.
Brilliance?
Now, I want to
tell you one thing.
I've never done a
dishonest thing in my life!
If Leo wants war, then
war he's gonna get.
I'm gonna get my own spy.
You! That's who
I'm gonna get. You.
Oh, no, you're not. You
can just count me out.
I am a retired spy.
Just a minute. I figure you
owe me two days' counterspying
for the two days you've
been cuttin' my throat
instead of my pajamas.
Well, I'm very sorry,
but you can just
get somebody else.
I'm not about to stay involved
in a situation where I
don't know who to believe.
Becker, go settle up with her.
I'm gonna go splash
water on my face
and then get her outta here.
I'm not kidding when I say
I don't know who to believe.
I mean, they're
both such nice men.
They are. Alone by
themselves, they're each a prince,
but just try and
get them together.
You would never know
they were brothers.
Brothers?
Al and Leo are brothers?
You didn't know that?
Well, no!
They both have
different last names.
One's a Schneider
and one's a Taylor.
You know any German?
No.
Well. Al Schneider
changed his name to Taylor
because in Germany,
where their father came from,
Schneider means Tailor.
How do you like that?
I'm a German spy.
[coughing]
Isn't that fascinating, Donald?
That they're brothers, yes.
That I'm setting
myself on fire, no.
Well, be careful.
Be careful. Sure, Be careful.
You're out somewhere
spying all day
while I'm sitting here
slaving over a hot hibachi.
You know, I should've
figured that out myself.
Figured what out?
Schneider, Tailor.
A Schneider is a tailor.
Or, to be more
accurate, a cutter.
You knew that?
I took German in high school.
[chuckles] I had my choice
between German and cooking.
Donald, that hibachi
is really smoking.
It's just awful.
You're telling me.
I mean that two
brothers can't get along.
You see, ever since
their father passed away,
they just haven't said
anything at all to each other
because Al changed
his name to Taylor.
Not changed. Translated.
That's what Al said.
But Leo felt that he was just ashamed
of the family name... Schneider.
And that's when all
the trouble started.
Do you know they haven't said a
word to each other in ten years?
That's a shame.
It certainly is! With
what Al knows about cut
and Leo knows about color, they
should be back in the business together.
How do you know all about that?
Well, Mr. Becker and I had
this long conversation about it.
Honey, look, forgive me,
but this is no time
to be telling me
about other people's troubles.
Well, I think
it's just terrible.
Not as terrible as hearing
a grown man scream.
Look, I don't... Look, I
think this is hot enough.
I think we can start.
I just think somebody should
be able to do something
about bringing
them back together.
Somebody?
Okay, me.
Donald, can't you do anything
about that smoke?
I'm trying to keep as much of it
in my eyes as possible.
Donald.
Honey, look, I
think you're right.
And I admire you.
Somebody definitely
should do something about it.
But I'm not so sure it should be you.
Because it isn't right to interfere
in other people's problems.
Right. And a
stranger shouldn't butt
into a family's
problems, either.
Right. Right.
But I do have this little idea.
Honey, look, will
you... Will you forget
about their problems and
concentrate on mine for a minute?
Your problems? What
about your problems?
I mean, you haven't
even asked me
about my promotion
or how my foot was.
I didn't know you were
up for as promotion.
And what's wrong with your foot?
See? Honey, you
weren't even aware of it.
Oh, Donald, I'm sorry.
Forgive me. Tell me about it.
Oh, no. It's... It's
nothing. Just... forget it.
Oh, come on,
sweetheart. Tell me.
Well, I'm... I'm not
up for a promotion,
and there's nothing
the matter with my foot.
Were you up for a promotion?
No.
And there was never anything
wrong with my foot, either.
Did you tell me that just
to make me feel bad?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I'm bad and egotistical
and I'd like a little attention.
Aw, poor Donald.
[snickers] Oh, that's great.
All right, tell me
about the idea.
Well, I... Why?
Yesterday you hated
the idea of being
a double-crosser.
Excuse me, a double-agent.
That was yesterday afternoon.
Yesterday, after
dinner, I figured out
all the back rent I owe.
Ah. So it's the money.
That's right. Just
the plain, hard cash.
Anything wrong with that?
I guess not.
Well, I better give
this back to you
if we're gonna keep
Leo from getting wise.
I suppose that means I have
to get you another camera
if you're gonna do me any good.
How about a jelly doughnut
while you're relaxing
over a coffee break?
Why don't you just let
me use the same camera?
That way, Mr. Schneider
will never catch on.
It's a good point.
Yeah. Well, I really
better get going.
He's waiting for me now.
So we'll stick with the banana.
Um, another thing. About coming
back here to do this dirty work...
Oh, please, Mr. Taylor,
you don't have to thank me.
I mean, after all,
a buck's a buck.
Mr. Schneider?
Mr. Schneider, I'm very sorry
to bother you at home, but
something very urgent has come up.
Yes. Oh, no, no.
I... I couldn't talk
about it over the phone.
I'd like to do it in person.
Well, I was wondering if you
could meet me tomorrow at noon
at the Elite Delicatessen.
Oh, no. I... I don't think
I'd better come near your place.
Okay. That'll be fine.
Thank you. Bye.
Mr. Taylor, please.
Well, darling...
what's so urgent?
Uh... well, uh...
l-let's wait a minute. I... I can't,
uh, spy on an empty stomach.
Hello, sweetheart.
Good-bye, sweetheart.
Oh, Mr. Taylor, wait.
Please. Let me explain.
What is this?
This is your brother.
Funny. I'm looking,
and all I see is thin air.
I think I'm getting an earache.
Will you listen
to the two of you
acting like children. You ought
to be ashamed yourselves.
Now, please. Just... Just
sit down for one minute
and let me just explain.
What is this, a revival meeting?
You went out and
bought a tambourine?
Yes, that's exactly what I did.
You both wanted me
to take pictures. Right?
Well, yesterday
I took a picture...
from your office.
What would your father think
if he could see
the two of you now?
What would Pa think? I'll
tell you what he would think.
He'd be ashamed to
learn that his youngest son
turned out to be a thief.
I thought it was for the table!
Not the pickles.
Pajamas. My chain gang.
Again with his chain gangs.
For your information,
Mr. Prosecutor, Miriam, my wife,
your sister-in-law, she gave
me the idea for the chain gangs.
Listen to this.
I can't believe my ears.
First he steal my designs,
now he steals my words.
What are you talking about?
Bernice. My wife
Bernice is the one
who brought me the
idea for the chain gang.
Go on!
Wait a minute!
All those years you
weren't talking to each other,
how were your
wives getting along?
Our wives are the closest
friends. They love each other.
What love? Bernice pities Miriam
for having to live with
such a person like him.
Don't you realize
what's been happening?
There hasn't been
any spying going on.
Your wives have been
talking to each other
and accidentally bringing
you both back the same ideas.
There hasn't been any stealing.
You know, Leo, I think
she's got somethin' there.
How do you like that?
Al... I gotta tell
you somethin'.
Deep down, I never did
believe you'd steal from me.
Bad-mouthing, maybe,
but stealing, never.
As a matter of fact, my
Teddy would've thrown me
out of my own house
if he heard me say
such a bad thing
about his Uncle Leo.
My son worships him.
He's a wonderful boy, his Teddy.
And it can't be all Miriam.
It's got to be the block
the chip comes off of.
Thank you, Leo.
You're welcome, Al.
Look at the two of you.
Boy, if Mr. Taylor
could only see you now.
Taylor?
The name's Schneider.
Schneider!
Right! In German.
In English, it's Taylor.
Schneider. Anywhere
and anyplace.
Taylor! Will you two stop it?
It's only a name!
Right! And the
name is Schneider!
Taylor. This is America.
You don't like it, nobody's
holding your prisoner.
You're right!
Good-bye, Mr. America!
I'll give him "in a minute."
Nice try, Miss Albert.
The name is Marie.
Marie?
In Germany it's Albert.
In America, it's Marie.
And in this restaurant,
it's good-bye.
[knock on door]
Come in.
Oh, it's the spy that
came in from the cold cuts.
Hello, Mr. Schneider.
I think you did enough already.
You solved the case.
You got an honorable discharge.
You go out to the floor and pick
up a couple of pair of pajamas.
Oh, thank you.
That's very nice of you.
I just thought I'd
drop by these pictures
and kind of tie up
all those loose ends.
I don't even want
to look at them.
I talked with my wife last night,
and everything you said was true.
He'll live his pajamas,
and I'll live mine.
Yeah. Well, there is a picture
of my boyfriend in there,
and I thought if
you wouldn't mind...
'Course. There's no use
wasting a whole banana.
What is this?
Oh, that's the blockbuster.
This, the blockbuster?
You mean a wallet-buster!
He puts this out,
he's out of business.
It's no good?
No good is already a compliment.
Oh, my gosh. Are
you gonna tell him?
He made his bed.
Let him put his pajamas in it.
But he's your brother!
My brother was Alan Schneider.
This is my
competitor... Al Taylor.
Mr. Schneider, let me
just tell you something.
One of the biggest
problems I had
working for both of
you was trying to decide
which one of you was the nicest.
But now you've solved
that problem for me.
You are the not nicest.
And I'll take back
my Donald, thank you.
Come on, honey.
It starts at 8:30.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Oh, I liked you with your
hair parted in the middle.
Donald, that was
part of my spy life,
which is fortunately over.
Even though I
was a total flop at it,
I have a feeling that
in the years to come,
I'm gonna look back
and cry a lot about it.
Well, look, you
just forget about it.
I wish I could. It's just I wish
I could've gotten those nice
men back together again.
I'm glad you're not
involved anymore.
[phone rings] Well,
so am I, actually.
Hello.
Oh, hello.
[whispering] It's Mr. Taylor.
Tell him you're
no longer involved.
Uh, look, Mr. Taylor, I'm
really no longer involved.
Uh, no, I couldn't.
Say good-bye.
No, I... I... I really couldn't.
No, absolutely not.
Uh, I couldn't at 3.
Well, how about 4:30?
Well... Well, fine.
Okay, I'll... I'll be there.
Good-bye.
We're gonna be late,
Donald. It starts at 8:30.
Donald really wasn't too
happy about my coming here.
I know how he must
feel... whoever he is.
[laughs] Oh... you
didn't meet Donald.
He's my boyfriend.
That's nice.
Look, Mr. Taylor, what
was it you wanted?
I mean, if it's anything
like the last job...
No, no, no, no, no. I just felt
that I owed you something.
Oh. Oh, you don't.
Mr. Becker already paid me.
Not money. All you spies,
the same thing... money.
You know I'm not a spy.
Ah, my brother and the spy.
Mr. Schneider!
Hello, Leo.
Hello, Al. Sorry I'm late.
I had to stop by the printer.
As you can see, thanks
to you, we're talking again.
Oh, I know, and it's terrific!
But there's one more
little job I'd like you to do.
Oh... no! Listen,
I... I really...
This one you'll like.
You know, Leo really
thought that I was gonna
go ahead and make
those froufrous.
So last night, he called
me up and... Never mind.
The job is to take
one more picture.
It's my pleasure.
Hold on. Just a minute.
Okay.
Smile.
[click] Perfect.
♪♪ ['60s spy movie]
[knock on door]
[knock knock]
[knock knock]
[knocking]
[soft knocking]
[soft rhythmic knocking]
The nose is on the windowsill.
The ear is in the breadbox.
But dog try in Detroit.
Come in, Fritz. Right.
I have the stuff.
Bring it in.
Here.
Here we are.
Camera.
And a bomb.
A microphone.
[laughing] And
last but not least...
a cheese sandwich.
[both laugh]
Very good. Now, sit down.
Aah! Not there!
You'll ruin my entire radar set!
Come here. [chuckles]
Gimme a kiss.
You know something, Fritz?
You're really terrific.
You wanna know how terrific?
I'm not Fritz. I'm James.
Fritz is still in
the car. [laughs]
Very funny.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
from a pajama model to
an industrial spy in one day.
But I did. Not that I knew
what Leo Schneider,
my boss, had in mind
when he called
me into his office.
Look, Miss Marie, I won't
beat around the shrub.
I have a nice opening for an
actress... if you're interested.
In the theater?
Not exactly.
Well, what, a workshop?
A sweatshop.
Then he hit me with it.
Me? You want me to be a... a
spy? You want me to be a spy?
Please! A counterspy!
All I'm asking you
is to go click-click
with a little camera.
I'd like to see if he's out
to steal me blind
again this season.
Well, naturally, I
had to think about it.
I can't believe you. I
really can't believe you.
Oh, Donald, please
don't be upset with me.
Don't be upset? Honey, how
do you think I'm gonna feel
sitting in my office knowing
you're out somewhere spying?
Mr. Schneider is
a very nice man,
and somebody is
stealing from him,
which is definitely wrong,
so why shouldn't I
help? That's the trouble
with the world today, you know,
Donald. Everybody's sitting back
saying, "I don't want to get
involved." Well, I can't do that.
So I agreed to do it,
and since I had to get
into the competitor's factory
to see if they were stealing
Mr. Schneider's
new line of pajamas,
I had to learn how to
run a sewing machine.
Here. Look at it. Tell
me what you think.
Terrific. Perfect
for anybody who can lift
110 pounds over their head.
What 110 pounds?
You and the pajama top.
After that, it was easy.
I got the job...
met the girls...
and went to work
as an industrial spy.
It seemed terribly easy.
Mr. Schneider gave
me a little camera
hidden inside a banana,
and all I had to do
was wander over
to the sample rack
and take a few pictures.
Want me to go grab her?
No, not yet.
As long as she's
just fooling around
with those samples.
Yeah, but she's gonna get
to the new line sooner or later.
I know.
I just want to give
her a little time
to hang herself with
her own drawstring.
Oh, excuse me. After four kids,
I forgot people
still close doors.
It's okay, Sophie. Come on in.
I, uh, I got those thread
samples you wanted.
Well, leave 'em on
the desk, please,
and, uh... come here, Sophie.
Huh?
You've been with us how long?
Seven years?
Eight.
In eight years, ever seen
a spy running
loose in this place?
[laughing] A spy?
Here? Never.
Well, we got one now.
Who?
That girl.
♪♪ [theme]
You mean all this time
that nice little girl I
offered my eggplant salad...
And to do this to
you, of all people!
Mr. Sweetness.
We think maybe it was Leo
who sent her over
to answer the ad.
Leo Schneider?
Who else would
go to all this trouble?
Of all the terrible...
After you were so good to her.
Do you want me to
sew her to the floor?
Uh, thanks, Sophie.
I've already got
something better in mind.
Well, if you change your
mind, you just let me know,
and I promise you
that'll be the last camera
she ever peels.
What's the something
better you have in mind?
Look, remember
that French froufrou
we had designed
special for us last season?
By the sissy?
Yeah. How much did we pay
for that terribleness?
Well, it was a Paris creation.
So was the hunchback
of Notre Dame.
Ugly is ugly.
Now, suppose we
have the little girl
take pictures of this
like our entire future
depended on it.
And if it's Leo, like
we think it's Leo...
And it's Leo.
Believe me, it's Leo.
He should steal
it in good health.
Ha ha ha ha! Look at that!
[bell rings]
[chuckles]
Overripe. [chuckles]
But I will have some of
your eggplant salad now
if you have any left.
Oh, I'm very sorry, Ina.
There is a little bit left,
but I'd like to take
it home to my dog.
Oh.
Well, then maybe
some other time.
Miss Albert. Yes.
If I can see you for a minute?
Oh. Certainly.
[chuckles]
Ina, dear...
I've been keeping an eye on you.
You have?
I like what I see.
Oh. [chuckles] Thank you.
You see those sample
racks over there?
Most people think that those are
our new line for next season.
Oh?
Yeah. Strictly a put-on
in case anybody
should get, uh... nosy?
[chuckling] Yeah? Yeah?
[laughs]
Which brings me to you.
It does?
I want you to go to work for us
in our restricted area,
where we got the
real blockbusters.
Oh, my gosh!
Oh, I... I don't
know what to say!
Say nothin'. Not a peep.
Particularly after you
see our secret weapon.
It's absolutely gonna turn the
entire industry upside-down,
it's such a knockout.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Taylor.
I... I'm really flattered.
Well, you don't have
to feel so flattered.
I'm only doing it
because I trust you.
Oh.
Listen, I know you kids,
uh, you like to burn
up a lot of energy,
so if you got somethin' to eat,
bring it with you,
whatever it is...
A cookie, a sandwich,
a banana. [chuckles]
You'll need it.
[swallowed chuckle]
I've got something left.
One rubber heel, please.
You got the film?
Right here.
Hey. You really got something?
Did I! I want you to know
they put me in a special room
to work on their blockbuster.
It's the last five
pictures on the roll.
Wait'll you see it.
What have I got, X-ray eyes?
So take it to the drugstore
and have it developed.
The drugstore?
You take spy pictures
to a drugstore?
Not necessarily.
Do you know a good spy store?
[coughs, chuckles] Nice day...
and getting nicer all the time.
Yes, it certainly is.
Ha ha. Well, uh,
good-bye, Miss, uh...
What's-Your-Name. Uh...
nice bumping into you.
Well, what do you think, Becker?
Time to blow the whistle
on Miss Cloak and Dagger?
With pleasure.
Okay. Let's have a
floor show with our lunch.
All right, girls!
Lunch is a few
minutes early today!
Take your break now!
Hey, you, too.
You, too.
Ina. Bring your bag.
The boss wants to
have lunch with you.
Oh. Gee... Gee, that's
very nice. [chuckles]
Well, why me?
Uh, come on.
Come on.
Follow me. Yes.
[chuckles] Well, Ina,
nice of you to join us. Yes.
Here. Sit down.
Oh. Thank you.
Yeah, take out your lunch.
Spread it out.
Make yourself comfortable.
Okay.
Yeah, nice.
Hey! That looks
nice. Uh, what is it?
Oh, that's just
bologna-and-cheese.
Hey, that's great.
I'll tell you what.
I'll swap you. Half your
bologna-and-cheese
for half my hot pastrami.
Oh. [chuckles] Fine.
Thank you.
Done.
How 'bout you, Becker?
Want to make a deal?
I got an apple.
An... oh, perfect.
Your apple for
little Ina's banana.
Oh, no, Mr. Taylor! Uh, please.
It... It's my diet. I have
to have a banana a day.
I thought it was an apple a day.
No, not for me. It's
my doctor's orders.
I have a... I have a
definite banana deficiency.
I'm sure you do.
But then may I suggest
that you eat the banana first.
That way, it can take pictures
of your bologna- and-cheese
sandwich on its way down!
I beg your pardon?
The joke is over, Miss Albert.
We know what you've
been doing and for who.
Or maybe the name
Schneider doesn't ring a bell.
I... I really don't know
what you're talking about.
I don't know any Leo Schneider.
Who said Leo Schneider?
Oh. I... [stammers]
I... I don't mean
that Leo Schneider.
I mean another Leo, a totally...
A different, another Leo.
All right, so I am a spy!
But what about you?
Are you any better?
Stealing?
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about!
You stole Mr. Schneider's
chain gang number.
The chain gang idea was mine!
Oh, really? And what about
Mr. Schneider's uptights
and his jolly nightclowns?
I suppose it was
just a coincidence
that you came out with the
very same thing last year.
A coincidence,
no. Brilliance, yes.
Brilliance?
Now, I want to
tell you one thing.
I've never done a
dishonest thing in my life!
If Leo wants war, then
war he's gonna get.
I'm gonna get my own spy.
You! That's who
I'm gonna get. You.
Oh, no, you're not. You
can just count me out.
I am a retired spy.
Just a minute. I figure you
owe me two days' counterspying
for the two days you've
been cuttin' my throat
instead of my pajamas.
Well, I'm very sorry,
but you can just
get somebody else.
I'm not about to stay involved
in a situation where I
don't know who to believe.
Becker, go settle up with her.
I'm gonna go splash
water on my face
and then get her outta here.
I'm not kidding when I say
I don't know who to believe.
I mean, they're
both such nice men.
They are. Alone by
themselves, they're each a prince,
but just try and
get them together.
You would never know
they were brothers.
Brothers?
Al and Leo are brothers?
You didn't know that?
Well, no!
They both have
different last names.
One's a Schneider
and one's a Taylor.
You know any German?
No.
Well. Al Schneider
changed his name to Taylor
because in Germany,
where their father came from,
Schneider means Tailor.
How do you like that?
I'm a German spy.
[coughing]
Isn't that fascinating, Donald?
That they're brothers, yes.
That I'm setting
myself on fire, no.
Well, be careful.
Be careful. Sure, Be careful.
You're out somewhere
spying all day
while I'm sitting here
slaving over a hot hibachi.
You know, I should've
figured that out myself.
Figured what out?
Schneider, Tailor.
A Schneider is a tailor.
Or, to be more
accurate, a cutter.
You knew that?
I took German in high school.
[chuckles] I had my choice
between German and cooking.
Donald, that hibachi
is really smoking.
It's just awful.
You're telling me.
I mean that two
brothers can't get along.
You see, ever since
their father passed away,
they just haven't said
anything at all to each other
because Al changed
his name to Taylor.
Not changed. Translated.
That's what Al said.
But Leo felt that he was just ashamed
of the family name... Schneider.
And that's when all
the trouble started.
Do you know they haven't said a
word to each other in ten years?
That's a shame.
It certainly is! With
what Al knows about cut
and Leo knows about color, they
should be back in the business together.
How do you know all about that?
Well, Mr. Becker and I had
this long conversation about it.
Honey, look, forgive me,
but this is no time
to be telling me
about other people's troubles.
Well, I think
it's just terrible.
Not as terrible as hearing
a grown man scream.
Look, I don't... Look, I
think this is hot enough.
I think we can start.
I just think somebody should
be able to do something
about bringing
them back together.
Somebody?
Okay, me.
Donald, can't you do anything
about that smoke?
I'm trying to keep as much of it
in my eyes as possible.
Donald.
Honey, look, I
think you're right.
And I admire you.
Somebody definitely
should do something about it.
But I'm not so sure it should be you.
Because it isn't right to interfere
in other people's problems.
Right. And a
stranger shouldn't butt
into a family's
problems, either.
Right. Right.
But I do have this little idea.
Honey, look, will
you... Will you forget
about their problems and
concentrate on mine for a minute?
Your problems? What
about your problems?
I mean, you haven't
even asked me
about my promotion
or how my foot was.
I didn't know you were
up for as promotion.
And what's wrong with your foot?
See? Honey, you
weren't even aware of it.
Oh, Donald, I'm sorry.
Forgive me. Tell me about it.
Oh, no. It's... It's
nothing. Just... forget it.
Oh, come on,
sweetheart. Tell me.
Well, I'm... I'm not
up for a promotion,
and there's nothing
the matter with my foot.
Were you up for a promotion?
No.
And there was never anything
wrong with my foot, either.
Did you tell me that just
to make me feel bad?
Yeah.
Why?
Because I'm bad and egotistical
and I'd like a little attention.
Aw, poor Donald.
[snickers] Oh, that's great.
All right, tell me
about the idea.
Well, I... Why?
Yesterday you hated
the idea of being
a double-crosser.
Excuse me, a double-agent.
That was yesterday afternoon.
Yesterday, after
dinner, I figured out
all the back rent I owe.
Ah. So it's the money.
That's right. Just
the plain, hard cash.
Anything wrong with that?
I guess not.
Well, I better give
this back to you
if we're gonna keep
Leo from getting wise.
I suppose that means I have
to get you another camera
if you're gonna do me any good.
How about a jelly doughnut
while you're relaxing
over a coffee break?
Why don't you just let
me use the same camera?
That way, Mr. Schneider
will never catch on.
It's a good point.
Yeah. Well, I really
better get going.
He's waiting for me now.
So we'll stick with the banana.
Um, another thing. About coming
back here to do this dirty work...
Oh, please, Mr. Taylor,
you don't have to thank me.
I mean, after all,
a buck's a buck.
Mr. Schneider?
Mr. Schneider, I'm very sorry
to bother you at home, but
something very urgent has come up.
Yes. Oh, no, no.
I... I couldn't talk
about it over the phone.
I'd like to do it in person.
Well, I was wondering if you
could meet me tomorrow at noon
at the Elite Delicatessen.
Oh, no. I... I don't think
I'd better come near your place.
Okay. That'll be fine.
Thank you. Bye.
Mr. Taylor, please.
Well, darling...
what's so urgent?
Uh... well, uh...
l-let's wait a minute. I... I can't,
uh, spy on an empty stomach.
Hello, sweetheart.
Good-bye, sweetheart.
Oh, Mr. Taylor, wait.
Please. Let me explain.
What is this?
This is your brother.
Funny. I'm looking,
and all I see is thin air.
I think I'm getting an earache.
Will you listen
to the two of you
acting like children. You ought
to be ashamed yourselves.
Now, please. Just... Just
sit down for one minute
and let me just explain.
What is this, a revival meeting?
You went out and
bought a tambourine?
Yes, that's exactly what I did.
You both wanted me
to take pictures. Right?
Well, yesterday
I took a picture...
from your office.
What would your father think
if he could see
the two of you now?
What would Pa think? I'll
tell you what he would think.
He'd be ashamed to
learn that his youngest son
turned out to be a thief.
I thought it was for the table!
Not the pickles.
Pajamas. My chain gang.
Again with his chain gangs.
For your information,
Mr. Prosecutor, Miriam, my wife,
your sister-in-law, she gave
me the idea for the chain gangs.
Listen to this.
I can't believe my ears.
First he steal my designs,
now he steals my words.
What are you talking about?
Bernice. My wife
Bernice is the one
who brought me the
idea for the chain gang.
Go on!
Wait a minute!
All those years you
weren't talking to each other,
how were your
wives getting along?
Our wives are the closest
friends. They love each other.
What love? Bernice pities Miriam
for having to live with
such a person like him.
Don't you realize
what's been happening?
There hasn't been
any spying going on.
Your wives have been
talking to each other
and accidentally bringing
you both back the same ideas.
There hasn't been any stealing.
You know, Leo, I think
she's got somethin' there.
How do you like that?
Al... I gotta tell
you somethin'.
Deep down, I never did
believe you'd steal from me.
Bad-mouthing, maybe,
but stealing, never.
As a matter of fact, my
Teddy would've thrown me
out of my own house
if he heard me say
such a bad thing
about his Uncle Leo.
My son worships him.
He's a wonderful boy, his Teddy.
And it can't be all Miriam.
It's got to be the block
the chip comes off of.
Thank you, Leo.
You're welcome, Al.
Look at the two of you.
Boy, if Mr. Taylor
could only see you now.
Taylor?
The name's Schneider.
Schneider!
Right! In German.
In English, it's Taylor.
Schneider. Anywhere
and anyplace.
Taylor! Will you two stop it?
It's only a name!
Right! And the
name is Schneider!
Taylor. This is America.
You don't like it, nobody's
holding your prisoner.
You're right!
Good-bye, Mr. America!
I'll give him "in a minute."
Nice try, Miss Albert.
The name is Marie.
Marie?
In Germany it's Albert.
In America, it's Marie.
And in this restaurant,
it's good-bye.
[knock on door]
Come in.
Oh, it's the spy that
came in from the cold cuts.
Hello, Mr. Schneider.
I think you did enough already.
You solved the case.
You got an honorable discharge.
You go out to the floor and pick
up a couple of pair of pajamas.
Oh, thank you.
That's very nice of you.
I just thought I'd
drop by these pictures
and kind of tie up
all those loose ends.
I don't even want
to look at them.
I talked with my wife last night,
and everything you said was true.
He'll live his pajamas,
and I'll live mine.
Yeah. Well, there is a picture
of my boyfriend in there,
and I thought if
you wouldn't mind...
'Course. There's no use
wasting a whole banana.
What is this?
Oh, that's the blockbuster.
This, the blockbuster?
You mean a wallet-buster!
He puts this out,
he's out of business.
It's no good?
No good is already a compliment.
Oh, my gosh. Are
you gonna tell him?
He made his bed.
Let him put his pajamas in it.
But he's your brother!
My brother was Alan Schneider.
This is my
competitor... Al Taylor.
Mr. Schneider, let me
just tell you something.
One of the biggest
problems I had
working for both of
you was trying to decide
which one of you was the nicest.
But now you've solved
that problem for me.
You are the not nicest.
And I'll take back
my Donald, thank you.
Come on, honey.
It starts at 8:30.
I'm coming, I'm coming.
Oh, I liked you with your
hair parted in the middle.
Donald, that was
part of my spy life,
which is fortunately over.
Even though I
was a total flop at it,
I have a feeling that
in the years to come,
I'm gonna look back
and cry a lot about it.
Well, look, you
just forget about it.
I wish I could. It's just I wish
I could've gotten those nice
men back together again.
I'm glad you're not
involved anymore.
[phone rings] Well,
so am I, actually.
Hello.
Oh, hello.
[whispering] It's Mr. Taylor.
Tell him you're
no longer involved.
Uh, look, Mr. Taylor, I'm
really no longer involved.
Uh, no, I couldn't.
Say good-bye.
No, I... I... I really couldn't.
No, absolutely not.
Uh, I couldn't at 3.
Well, how about 4:30?
Well... Well, fine.
Okay, I'll... I'll be there.
Good-bye.
We're gonna be late,
Donald. It starts at 8:30.
Donald really wasn't too
happy about my coming here.
I know how he must
feel... whoever he is.
[laughs] Oh... you
didn't meet Donald.
He's my boyfriend.
That's nice.
Look, Mr. Taylor, what
was it you wanted?
I mean, if it's anything
like the last job...
No, no, no, no, no. I just felt
that I owed you something.
Oh. Oh, you don't.
Mr. Becker already paid me.
Not money. All you spies,
the same thing... money.
You know I'm not a spy.
Ah, my brother and the spy.
Mr. Schneider!
Hello, Leo.
Hello, Al. Sorry I'm late.
I had to stop by the printer.
As you can see, thanks
to you, we're talking again.
Oh, I know, and it's terrific!
But there's one more
little job I'd like you to do.
Oh... no! Listen,
I... I really...
This one you'll like.
You know, Leo really
thought that I was gonna
go ahead and make
those froufrous.
So last night, he called
me up and... Never mind.
The job is to take
one more picture.
It's my pleasure.
Hold on. Just a minute.
Okay.
Smile.
[click] Perfect.
♪♪ ['60s spy movie]
[knock on door]
[knock knock]
[knock knock]
[knocking]
[soft knocking]
[soft rhythmic knocking]
The nose is on the windowsill.
The ear is in the breadbox.
But dog try in Detroit.
Come in, Fritz. Right.
I have the stuff.
Bring it in.
Here.
Here we are.
Camera.
And a bomb.
A microphone.
[laughing] And
last but not least...
a cheese sandwich.
[both laugh]
Very good. Now, sit down.
Aah! Not there!
You'll ruin my entire radar set!
Come here. [chuckles]
Gimme a kiss.
You know something, Fritz?
You're really terrific.
You wanna know how terrific?
I'm not Fritz. I'm James.
Fritz is still in
the car. [laughs]
Very funny.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA