That Girl (1966–1971): Season 4, Episode 1 - Mission Improbable: Part 1 - full transcript

Knowing that Ann's an actress, Leo Schneider, owner of Unifit Sleepwear for which Ann has been doing some modeling work, asks her to do what he considers an acting job. Last fashion season, his sleepwear designs were stolen by Al Taylor of Sleeptight Fashions, a rival sleepwear company. Schneider knows that Taylor sent a mole into his sewing area. So Schneider wants Ann to act as his mole into Sleeptight's sewing area to see if Taylor has once again stolen his designs. Ann is initially apprehensive about taking the job because of the possible risk to her safety if she is found out, but decides to do so, against Donald's better judgment, as she likes Mr. Schneider and doesn't want to see his business ruined by unscrupulous practices by his competitors. Ann, who treats this job like a spy, complete with an alias, has a few hurdles to overcome. First, she doesn't know how to sew. Second, she does look more like a model than a seamstress. And third, she may not be the most observant person necessary to conduct espionage work. Mr. Schneider thinks he has the last part covered by use of a fake banana.

Okay, it looks nice.

Mr. Schneider?

How's it look?

Mmm, sensational.

If I know Mort Lankershim, he'll
by ten gross just for the smile.

You're just saying that.

Style number? 242.

Turn around.

Classy item!

Oh, thank you.

Very nice.



The pajamas ain't
bad, either. [laughs]

It's uh, machine
washable and 100% acrylic.

And it comes in
four glorious colors...

Dawn pink, daybreak
blue, sunrise yellow,

and morning becomes electra.

Just between you,
me, and the sandman,

do you sleep with
'em or without 'em.

[laughs nervously]
E-excuse me, sir.

I'm sure you're just dying to
see our new honey-muumuu line.

And it comes in three
very exciting colors,

pineapple yellow, Oahu orange,

and Maui wha-wha whoo beige.

Swell.

Mr. Schneider!



Mr. Schneider,
uh, Mr. Lankershim

is just dying to see our
new honey-muumuu line.

Of course. By all means.

As soon as Natalie's free.

Will you show this
number over there, please?

Thank you.

Hey, Mort, take it easy
with the new kid, huh?

Oh, come on, Leo.

What's a little
kibitzing gonna hurt?

Maybe she likes it.

In the first place,
she don't like it.

In the second
place, I don't like it.

And in someplace else,

I got some plans of
my own for that girl.

♪♪ [theme]

Night.

Don't forget.

Soak your feet ten minutes in
a little vinegar and hot water,

you can forget all
about the bunion.

You wanted to see
me, Mr. Schneider?

For just a minute, Miss
Marie, if you don't mind.

Well, uh...

I do have a friend
picking me up.

Please, as a favor to me.

Oh. Well, sure, in that case.

I mean, since my friend
really wouldn't know what to do

if I was on time anyway.

I promise.

Two shakes of a lion's tail,
and you'll be on your way.

Uh, tell me, Miss Marie.

Do you know
anything about sewing?

Well, actually, I'm
not really a model.

I'm an actress. I know!

That's why you're here.

Models I can get by
running into the hall.

Oh.

Look, Miss Marie, I won't
beat around the shrubbery.

I have a nice opening for
an actress if you're interested.

In the theater?

Not exactly.

What, a workshop?

A sweatshop.

Look, Miss Marie, I
wanna show you something.

You see that?

His-and-her chain gang item.

My idea,

and the biggest thing in
the business last season.

Nice, huh? Oh, yeah.

Almost broke me.

How, if it was such a big hit?

The label. Read the label.

"Sleeptite Fashions?"

Please, don't mention
that name in my presence.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You know who Sleeptite is? No.

Al Taylor, my
biggest competitor,

who as plain as the eye can see

stole my entire line
right from under me.

My chain gangs, my jolly
nightclowns, my uptights, my everything.

In all the stores before
I knew anything about it.

But how? How? How else?

How else? How?

Al Taylor, you should
pardon the expression,

put a spy in my plant.

How terrible!

Terrible? Unspeakable.

Even if want you to do
the same thing for me.

Me? You want
me to be a... a spy?

You want me to be a spy?

Please! A counterspy.

Believe me, if I
married younger,

you could have been
my own daughter,

and I certainly wouldn't
ask my own daughter

to do anything wrong,
would I? Well, no, but...

Even if I'm paying her $200 a
week with two week's guarantee?

But forget the money. Good.

All I'm asking you is to
click click with a little camera

so I can see if he's out to
steal me blind again this season.

Gee, Mr. Schneider, I
really don't know what to say.

I mean, I can certainly
sympathize with your problem.

So now you know
how I feel, right?

What if they caught me?

I could go to
prison, couldn't I?

Or they could beat me up.

I can't stand being
punched, Mr. Schneider.

You can't be sent to
prison, they won't punch you,

and they won't catch you.

Look, think it over and
give me a call after dinner.

I'll be here.

There's nothing dangerous
about it, so don't worry.

Me? Worry?

Actually, a job like this could really
do my acting career a lot of good,

I mean, considering
all the publicity.

What publicity?

I mean the big headlines
in all the newspapers.

"Unknown actress found
strangled in a pajama factory."

I can't believe you. I
really can't believe you.

Oh, Donald, please
don't be upset with me.

Don't be upset?

Honey, how do you
think I'm gonna feel

sitting in my office knowing
you're out somewhere spying.

Mr. Schneider said
they won't punch me.

Oh, for crying out loud.

They will punch me?

No, honey, they won't punch you,

and he's right about not
sending you to prison, too.

But the whole
idea is ridiculous.

What do you need it for?

They're gonna pay
me $200 a week.

Is that it? Is that why
you're gonna do it?

All right. Here.

Here's $200.

Don't do it.

Well, I'll owe
you the other 193.

All you have is $7?

Well, when I left the
apartment this morning,

I didn't know I was
gonna buy a spy.

Donald, you really are
carrying this thing too far.

I mean, after all, this
kind of spying is legal,

and I'm gonna be paid a
very good salary to do it.

But if you don't
want me to do it,

just say so, and I won't do it

And here's another
reason why I wanna do it.

Mr. Schneider is a very nice man,
and somebody is stealing from him,

which is definitely wrong.

So why shouldn't I help?

That's the trouble with the
world today, you know, Donald?

Everybody's sitting back saying,
"I don't wanna get involved."

I can't do that... can I?

When are you supposed
to let him know?

Tonight.

Why don't you come up
there with me and you'll see?

It might be fun.

Are you sure he won't mind?

I mean, I don't even
know the secret password.

Say you love me.

[chuckles] I love you.

That's the password.

I'm trusting you, Mr. Reporter.

I don't wanna read all about
this tomorrow in the magazine.

No, sir, and if you're
uncomfortable with me being here...

Oh, he's not,
Donald. Please stay.

Sure, stay.

And if you leave, she wouldn't
tell you everything anyway?

If she says you're all
right, you're all right.

Is he all right? He's all right.

You're all right. Thank
you, Mr. Schneider.

It's all right. Come on in.

Well, here we are. Sit down.

You want me to run
a sewing machine?

Certainly, sweetheart.

Haven't you ever read
any of those spy books?

They all run sewing machines.

That's how they...
sew up the case.

[laughs]

I'd give $10 not
to have said that.

And I'll give you 20
not to say anymore.

Mr. Schneider, I really don't know
a thing about a sewing machine.

Well, you'll learn
fast. If you don't mind.

Here. I want you to
answer this ad tomorrow.

"Wanted: Experienced
sewing-machine operators.

Apply Sleeptite Fashions."

Experienced?

Why can't I just be a model?

At least I'm
halfway good at that.

Except a model sees
the styles too late.

But a sewer?

She sees the line when
it goes into production

while I can still do
something about it.

Here, Miss Marie, sit down.

It's not that hard.

Trust me.

Oh, I do, Mr. Schneider,
I really do.

I trust you completely.

It's me. I don't trust me.

Really, it's my knees, really.

I mean, when they're out of their
element, they're a total giveaway.

Talk to her, Mr. Boyfriend.

If you're concerned,
sweetheart, forget it.

Listen to Mr. Convince
Her here. Please!

Look, you're an
actress, aren't you?

So you're doing a
revival of Pajama Game.

A real location yet.

Yeah, but there's
just one big difference.

What's that?

In my business,

if you get murdered
by the critics,

you wake up the
next morning alive.

[sewing machine running]

Hey, this isn't hard
at all. I'm so surprised.

I told you.

Here. Look at it. Tell
me what you think.

Terrific. Perfect for anybody who
can lift 110 pounds over their head.

What 110 pounds?

You and the pajama top.

Here's another
one, Mr. Schneider.

There. Not bad, huh?

Not bad? Betsy Ross should
handle a machine like that.

Well, what do you think
now, Mr. Troublemaker?

I won't say a word. Good.

So where's my $20?

"Where's my $20?"

Well, do I graduate?

If you don't mind my
giving you the classified ad

instead of a diploma.

Oh, yeah.

And you, Mr. Comedian,

can pick yourself
out a pair of pajamas.

Oh, no, thank you, no.
I don't really need any.

I really don't need an elephant,

but if somebody gave me
one for nothing, I'd take it.

I'll apply for the job first
thing tomorrow morning.

Just make sure you
dress nice and plain.

Nothing fancy.

Don't worry about
me, Mr. Schneider.

I may not know how to sew,

but I know how I'll dress.

How?

How? How else?

[knock on door]

Come in. The door's open.

Is that you, Donald?

No. No, it's Colonel Von
Silly Milleykoff of the NKDD,

counter-pajama division.

That's silly. You're right.

It's really the international
spy Pierre Lautrec

of the French underwear.

[laughs] Ta-da!

Wait a minute! What?

Come here.

Put 'em back on.

Yeah. Better. Better.

Very funny.

But at least you're not
mad at me anymore.

Honey, I have a right to tell
you how I feel about things,

but I certainly respect your
decisions after I voice my feelings.

You've decided
to do this. That's it.

You know something?
You're terrific.

Perfect is closer to a
modest description of me.

Okay. I'll call you perfect,
and you can call me Ina.

Ina?

Ina Albert. That's my spy name.

Oh. Oh, your spy name.

Well, I better be off
on my assignment.

You wanna walk me halfway?

Halfway?

Well, I don't want
anybody at Sleeptite

to see you with me.

They might recognize me then.

Oh, yeah, right.

Everyone in the garment industry

knows you and I go together.

Donald, you can't
be too careful.

Ann. What?

Aha! Caught you!

I thought you looked familiar.

Ina Albert indeed!

I knew all along you were Ann
Marie who goes with Donald Hollinger.

That's why I said "Ann" to
trick you, and you fell for it.

You see, I first suspected you

when I saw your light your
cigarette with your left hand.

Now the real Ina Albert
used to light hers with a match!

[sewing machines running]

[no audible dialogue]

Come.

Uh, hello.

I'm Ina Albert.

That's nice.

Are... Are you Mr. Taylor?

The office is Taylor.

The person is Becker.

I'm the plant supervisor.

Oh. That's fine.

Uh, my name is Ina Albert,

and I've come to apply
for the seamstress job.

Are you kidding me?

Me? Why?

Come on, don't give me
that. You're no seamstress.

Yes, I am!

Ever since I was a
child, I always sewed.

I even seamed.

[laughs] I mean,
I'm a seamstress.

And I say you're not.

I... I don't think
you understand.

Look, you wanna see me sew?

Look, kid, maybe you
sewed someplace else,

but you're not here to sew.

Now sit right down over
there and don't move a muscle.

I'm gonna get the boss.

[door closes]

I knew it. I knew it.

I should have
listened to my knees.

Hey, kid, hold it!
Hold it right there.

Huh? Mr. Taylor, am I right?

I spotted it in a second.

Look, on second thought,
I'll come back another day.

Turn around.

Look, I can explain all this.

Shh! Quiet. Just
walk over there.

Well? What do you think?

It's a good thing you're not
making your living as a talent scout,

you'd starve to death.

I'm sorry, honey, but
a model you're not.

Stick to the sewing machine.

The... The sewing machine?

Yeah, he's always
doing this to me.

Every skinny girl that
comes into the office,

right away, she's
another Twiggy.

He's like a regular Sol Hurok.

Oh, listen, please
don't be concerned.

Who wants to be a model anyway?

All that walking
and all that dieting.

Just sew me to a
showing machine.

[chuckles] You see? You
got her all nervous, Becker.

A sewing machine you'll get.

No references?

The machine will
be her reference.

Good luck, sweetheart.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Taylor.

This way.

The money, of course, will
be within the union agreements.

All right, Miss, uh...?

Marie... Uh, Marie Ina Albert.

My friends call me
Ina... and you, too.

I mean, not that your
friends call you Ina.

You friends call you
Mr. Becker, of course.

My friends call me Ina...

I'll put you on
sleeves to start with.

Sleeves.

If you have any
questions, just ask Sophie.

Sophie, this is Ina.

Give her a hand if
she's got any problems.

Hello! Welcome to the group!

Hi.

Hey, girls, this is Ina.

Ina, the girls.

Hi, everybody.

Well, I got a broken
bobbin I gotta take care of.

Oh, I'm sorry. I
hope you get better.

You don't know what a bobbin is?

Oh. Oh, sure I do.

I was just making
a little sewing joke.

Funny Ina they call me.

Yeah.

Well, good luck.

And don't worry. The girls will
make you feel right at home.

Just what I need,
another Carol Burnett.

Everybody's so nice around here.

Wait till you meet
Mr. Taylor, the boss.

I did. Rotten, huh?

Rotten? A sweetheart.

That's what I meant.

It... it's just rotten that there aren't
more sweethearts like him around.

Sleeves.

Here she comes now.

Come in. Come in.

You wanted to
see me, Mr. Taylor?

Take it easy. Don't
get upset, darling.

I just wanna show you something.

Did I do something wrong?

Listen, I know it's
your first day on the job.

You wanna give us
a good impression.

But slow down.

Slow down?

What's that?

Well, to give it the
long and the short of it,

it's a rotten sewing job.

Oh. I... I guess I
better slow down.

Yeah, unless you
happen to know customers

that like their arms at
different temperatures.

I guess I'm just
a little bit nervous

'cause it's my first
day and everything.

I told you. Better
she should model.

Becker, please.

You see, we have a difference of
opinion around here concerning production.

Me? I'm not one
with a slide rule.

So I sell 15 less
pajama sets a year.

It's not gonna break me,
you know what I mean?

Well, that's very nice of you.

Thank you, Mr. Taylor.

It's all right. Just think long
sleeves and short sleeves.

It's that easy. Here.

In case one day you wanna have
it bronzed for your grandchildren.

Oh. Thank you. Thank you.

Long sleeves and short sleeves.

I've got it. I'll
get right on it.

Don't worry.

And Al Taylor?

The monster from 20,000
leagues under 23rd Street?

You saw him? Yes.

And I hate to say
this, Mr. Schneider,

but he seemed very nice.

Sure. "Seemed."

Like Jack the Ripper
"seemed" during daylight hours.

Just wait. Wait till you
make one little mistake.

I already did.

And?

He was really
very sweet about it.

He must be taking a magic pill.

Al Taylor never had
a nice day in his life.

Anyway, here's what I found out.

I heard the girls talking,

and they are
definitely switching

from a number 40 to a
number 50 thread any day now.

Please, Miss Marie,
that's very nice,

but that's not what
I'm interested in.

Styles. I've got
to see their styles.

Wait a second.

They did stress long
sleeves... and short sleeves.

That's it, counterspy?

Well, I was only
working on one thing.

Oh, but I did notice that
next to the salesman's office

there was a rack with
a bunch of things on it.

Aha! Now we're
getting somewhere.

But I don't remember much.

I don't expect you to.

I've got something
that remembers better.

A banana?

Uh-huh. Fooled you already.

Peel it.

Peel it?

A banana camera?

Why not?

You take a lunch break,
you eat your lunch,

you get up, you take a
little stroll peeling a banana.

And nobody's the wiser.

It's fantastic.

Originally, I was gonna
make it a Greengage plum,

but for 20 bucks extra, I
figured I'd go for the long lens.

It's not a banana?

I got it! A lemon with
a thyroid problem.

No. It's a camera.

Isn't that fantastic?

[giggles] I feel like I'm
in a James Bond movie.

Yellowfinger?

I knew you were gonna say that.

It was just corny enough.

How does it work?
Let me show you.

Here, I'll take
your picture. Smile.

There.

Now what do you do?

Send it to Chiquita
for developing?

[laughs] No.

I'll find out tomorrow
when I use up the whole roll.

The big day, huh?
Yeah, the big day.

What's the matter, honey?

Oh, I don't know.

I only wish Mr. Taylor didn't
seem like such a nice man.

Maybe he is a nice man.

He stole from Mr. Schneider!

Oh. Well, then I guess he's
not such a nice man after all.

Oh, Donald, please.

He gave me job
without references,

and he was so nice
when I made the mistake.

Well, maybe
Mr. Schneider's the bad one.

Donald, how can you say that?

Mr. Schneider's
been just wonderful.

All right. All right.

I confess. I'm the
bad one. I did it.

So why don't you come
over to my apartment

and take pictures of my closet?

Honestly, Donald, you really
take everything so personally.

[bell rings]

I thought maybe somebody saw
my figure and cancelled lunch.

Nice. Very nice.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Becker.

Now you're catching on.

[laughs]

Thanks! Thanks a lot!

Hey, Ina, I got a little extra
eggplant salad if you want some.

Oh, no, thanks.

I'm really not
very hungry today.

Okay. You wanna be the
laughing stock of the crowd

with that funny
little waistline.

I think I'll just walk
around and stretch my legs.

♪♪ ['60s-type spy music]

I wouldn't give 2 cents
for a figure like that.

A million bucks,
that's what I'd give.

[sighs]

♪♪ ['60s-type spy music]

Becker, look at the dates
on these unfilled orders.

Months ago. Where's the log jam?

If you don't mind, Mr. Taylor,

I think that can wait.

Yeah, I know. Five months
it's been waiting here.

I'm talking about now.

Right now we got
a bigger problem.

Bigger than staying in business?

You remember you
asking me to keep an eye

on that nice little
girl we just hired?

What's the matter?
She's in trouble?

No, I think we're in trouble.

Come here. Come here.

I wanna show you something.

What? Right over here.

Take a look. What?

Over by the sample
racks. What do you see?

I see our little girl...

putting a banana in her eye?

Hmm.

Leo.

You think Leo put her up to it?

Who else? The National
Association of Fruit Peddlers?

I just didn't think
he had it in him.

Even Leo.

You want me to go
grab her? No, not yet.

As long as she's just fooling
around with those samples.

But she's gonna get to
the new line sooner or later.

I know.

I just wanna give
her a little time

to hang herself with
her own drawstring.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA