That Girl (1966–1971): Season 3, Episode 5 - 7 1/4: Part 2 - full transcript
Don's initial article concerning violence and Hollywood movies is getting great reception and is being picked up by the wire services. Meanwhile, on the direction of her agent, Ann is pounding the pavement at Paramount Studios. She is spotted by Phil Bender and Larry Yorkin of Bender Productions, they who are looking for a fresh face to be the television commercial spokesperson for Action, a new soft drink. Ann is excited to be chosen the Action girl. What Ann soon comes to realize is that the part calls for her to be more a stunt person than a bona fide actress as the commercials are the epitome of the violence mentioned in Don's article. Despite the job taking its toll on her physically, Ann decides to soldier on unless something else stops her.
Uh, Miss? Miss. Can I
have your autograph?
Me, too. My autograph?
Yeah, what's the matter?
Aren't you somebody?
Well, yes. I'm Ann Marie.
I don't think that's anybody.
Well, I haven't
been in any movies,
but I've been on Broadway.
Let's let her sign the
back of the book. Yeah.
Cute. Very cute. Who is she?
I don't know. I've
never seen her before.
She's got something.
What do you think?
Why not? We've been turned
down by everybody else in town.
Bye. Thanks.
The golf cart's
gonna hit her! I know.
Listen, if she lives, I think
we oughta use that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
Oh, thank you.
You all right, young
lady? Oh, yes. I'm fine.
Thank you very
much. I'm awfully sorry.
Don't be silly. It was my fault.
You walked in front of the cart.
Pictures. Thank you very much.
Hey, you take a great fall, you
know that? Oh! You're very kind.
What's your name, address and
telephone number? Oh, it's, uh,
Miss Ann Marie, the
Hollywood Palms Hotel.
Hollywood 27399.
No concussion. The
first sign of concussion
is a complete loss of name,
address and telephone number.
Oh. You an actress?
Oh, I most certainly am an
actress. I'm a very good actress.
Are you someone who's
looking for an actress?
This is Mr. Phillip Bender,
head of Bender Productions. Oh.
I'm Larry Yorkin, Mr. Bender's
assistant... also of Bender Productions.
Oh, my, well. Certainly is a
pleasure meeting both of you.
Mr. Bender's trying to
cast a girl in a commercial.
Oh! Isn't that a coincidence.
I'm a girl looking to
get cast in anything.
Mm-hmm. I made a decision.
Come up to my
office. Oh, I'd love to!
Have you ever done a
commercial before? Oh, yes I have.
I had a hand in
a skin lotion ad,
and my throat
was in a gargle ad,
and my nose was featured
in a four-way nasal spray.
Very good. Do you suppose that
Mr. Bender would use all of me in this one?
Frankly, I'm getting a little
tired of working piece-by-piece.
And then I appeared briefly
with Miss Ethel Merman
in the Lincoln Center
revival of Gypsy.
Have you had a
physical checkup lately?
Oh, uh, well I guess
about three months ago.
Oh! I didn't mean to imply,
when I said I appeared briefly,
that I... that I was
replaced in the part,
it's just that the revival was
only scheduled for two weeks.
How did it turn out? [chuckles]
Very well, as a matter of fact.
What did the doctor say?
Oh, he never saw it.
Mr. Bender means the checkup.
Oh! Oh, it turned
out fine. I'm perfect.
Good, good. How's your stamina?
Do you have a great
deal of stamina?
Oh, yes sir. I
have a great deal.
Courage? Yes.
Daring. How's your daring?
J-Just fine.
I made a further
decision. You see this girl?
This is the girl for
the Action commercial.
[gasps] Oh, my
gosh! You're kidding.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Bender.
What exactly is Action?
Action's a soda pop
made from squash.
Who's your agent?
Oh, Gilliam and Norris.
That's G-i-l-l-i-a-m,
and "Norris."
Who's your next of kin?
[chuckles] Never mind that.
We'll find that out later.
Young lady, go home.
Take good care of
yourself. You'll hear from us.
Oh, yes, sir. I certainly will.
And thank you so
much, sir. All right.
I really can't tell you how
grateful I am to both of you.
And thank you. And
I'll do a great job for you.
I mean, I'll do the
very best I can, yes.
And I'll be waiting
for your call. Yes.
Thank you. [chuckles]
Well, that's that.
Yeah. That's that.
[knocking]
Who is it?
[Ann] If you want some
Action, just open the door.
Uh, just a minute.
Hi.
Oh, Ann. It's you.
Of course it's me! Were you
expecting somebody else?
Oh, no, no. I just thought maybe
somebody had the wrong room.
Hmm. How'd I sound?
Pretty sexy, huh?
Very sexy, huh?
What is this?
This, Mr. Hollinger,
honey, is Action.
The pretty, perky,
sweety, bouncy drink
that's gonna make
me a star. Borscht.
It is not borscht, it's true.
Mr. Phil Bender, of Bender
Productions, picked me up,
looked me over, and
made me the Action girl.
For Action commercials.
I-I don't mean you, I mean
this. It tastes like borscht.
Oh.
And since when do you let
yourself get picked up by producers?
Ever since I started getting
knocked down by golf carts.
Oh. Anyway, Donald.
Do you know what a successful
commercial can do for an actress?
I mean, look at Betty
Furness. More people have
seen Betty Furness
than Gone with the Wind.
You got knocked
down by a golf cart?
You're not impressed!
Honey, how hard is it to get
knocked down by a golf cart?
Donald, have we lost each
other somewhere along the way?
[laughs] Oh, I'm
sorry. I'm sorry.
It's just that I'm kind of
wound up in this article.
Oh, yeah. I think that's
terrific. You haven't read it.
Blind faith. Thank you.
Maybe. [phone ringing]
Hello? Oh, uh, hello Mr. Marie.
How are you? No.
No, you just didn't happen to catch
Ann in my room at all hours of the day.
Well, Mr. Marie, just because
we have connecting rooms
doesn't mean there isn't a
door that leads out into the hall.
[chuckles]
Well, "connecting rooms" is an
unfortunate choice of words, Mr. Marie.
"Adjoining rooms" with a locked door
in between would be more accurate.
Look, why don't you try her room
now? I'm sure she's back by now.
Just a minute.
[rattling switchhook]
Operator? Operator?
[ringing]
Hi, Daddy. How are you?
How'd you know it was me?
I-I could tell by the ring.
You know how a mother
can always tell her baby's cry?
Well, the daughter can
always tell her father's ring.
I was out getting a job!
Oh, Daddy, will you stop
worrying about me? I'm fine.
And I'm really enjoying myself.
After all, I've
only got one life.
But I've only got
one life, Mr. Bender.
Cutie, come on. What
are you worried about?
Well, it's just that it looks
like we're going to use real fire.
Well, will you trust me,
sweetheart? Will you please trust me?
Yes, sir.
Now, come on. Read the line.
Oh, yes. Now, how do
you want me to read it?
Well, be gay. Bouncy. Perky.
While I'm being
burned at the stake?
Hey, you see the
humor? [laughing]
Oh, yeah. Okay, everyone.
Let's make one.
Eddie, hit the torch.
Now, remember, sweetheart.
We gotta get this in one take. Why?
Why? That stuff
goes up pretty fast.
All righty? Re... Ro... Honey.
Try not to perspire. Okay?
Yes. Okay? Uh, light it, Eddie.
All right, roll 'em!
Ready. Action!
[Indians screaming]
For the hottest drink
in town, get Action!
Beautiful. Very good. Cut! Cut!
All right, boys.
Try to put it out.
Well, Mr. Stanley, if
the new code insists
that violence be held
to an absolute minimum,
how are you gonna make
a series about World War I?
We stay behind the line.
I see.
Well, sir, how can you create
the impression of war that way?
Symbolism. We show
a lot of swaying trees,
glassy-eyed kids,
you know what I mean.
Allegorical? Yeah.
It's the war to end all wars
as seen through the eyes of a
French artichoke farmer and his family.
How do you feel about that?
I'm eating my guts out.
Here I thought I was going
to make something classic.
Powerful. A graphic indictment.
What do I wind up with? Father
Knows Best on the western front.
Well, that could very well
be a refreshing approach.
I mean, after all, there have been so
many movies and TV shows done about wars.
Listen, if they don't want us to show 'em,
all they have to do is stop having 'em.
That's a thought.
The camera's in
that plane over there.
Now, smile at the camera in that
plane, say your line and then jump.
Mr. Bender, I think you should
know I've never done this before.
I'm fully aware of that. Consequently,
I'm not looking for perfection.
Are you ready? Yes, sir.
All right. But I don't
have to do anything.
Nothing! The parachute opens
automatically, in about 10 seconds.
All right? Here we go.
Roll 'em. Ready? Action!
If you'll fall for anything,
you'll fall for Action!
Beautiful! Seven,
eight, nine, 10...
Eh, 11... 12...
[sighs] Boy, that
was some landing.
I feel as tall as a duck.
Jumping out of an airplane.
You gotta be kiddin'. On the
contrary, that's serious business.
It's a miracle you
didn't break anything.
I did. The freeway sign on
the Haskell Avenue off ramp.
Ouch! What's the matter?
It's just that right there it's still
scorched from being burned at the stake.
Are you sure it's worth
it, goin' through all of this?
Of course it is.
Mr. Bender says this
is how stars are born.
Betty Grable wasn't discovered until
she got kicked in the head by a horse.
Betty Grable? Yeah. It was on the
stretcher that they noticed her legs.
My point is, honesty
in entertainment.
Violence exists, and you
can't hide it from the public.
Do you know there's
a sickening murder
committed every 43
seconds in the United States?
That's what we try to do on our show:
one sickening murder every 43 seconds.
I claim that's honest. That's a
pretty weird point, Mr. Sheldon.
I don't pussyfoot,
Mr. Dillinger. Hollinger.
I'm tryin' to make
a point. Is that so?
I don't pussyfoot, I
don't mollycoddle,
I don't soft soap. Uh,
Mr. Sheldon, don't...
I'm trying to make a point. You just try
and give me your undivided attention.
Now, when we do a show
about your axe murderer,
your ripper-killer,
your chainsaw slayer,
we look on it, more or
less, as a public service.
You get my
meaning? I'm not sure.
Let me make my point.
Do you have any idea
how many "cuckoo-boos" are out
running around wild in this country?
Huh? And they all have
one thing in common.
They got mayhem on their minds.
And they watch our show.
And do you know why?
Helpful hints?
If you really want to
knock your friends dead,
get Action.
[machine gun firing]
[machine gun continues]
I have never been so
excited about an assignment.
My editor told me
my first article has
already been picked
up by the wire services,
and my byline is gonna be in
every big newspaper in this country.
[bell dinging] [yawning]
Oh, Donald, that's marvelous.
I can't tell you how happy I am.
I've never been so excited about
anything in my life. Thank you, honey.
[bell dinging] But I
get distinct impression
you're just a little bit tired.
What makes you say that?
Well, for one thing,
you took a short nap
between your shrimp cocktail
and your chocolate mousse.
No wonder I'm still
hungry. [dinging]
I beg your pardon,
sir. That's all right.
Could I have 203
and 205, please?
She's just very tired.
Come on.
Okay, come on.
Come on, now.
Take off your shoes.
Here, give me this.
All right. [sighs]
Shh, shh.
Donald?
Honey, you're
asleep. Don't wake up.
But I have to.
What a way to
celebrate your success.
Snoozing through shrimp.
Honey, it's all
right. I don't mind.
I do.
I ruined our whole evening.
Everything. I'll give
you a rain check.
That make you feel better?
I only wish it would rain.
Then I wouldn't
have to go to work.
We could spend a whole,
typical day in California together.
Wouldn't that be terrific?
Rain or shine, we'll make it.
The important thing is
that you get some rest.
Oh, Donald. I'm so lucky
you're in love with me.
[chuckles] The first
thing in the morning,
I'm gonna straighten
you out on who's so lucky.
Yes, I suppose you
could say that hostilities
find expression in
cartoon comics...
You know, the cat who cuts
up the dog into poker chips,
and the mouse that flattens
the cat with a steam roller, and...
[chuckles] And of course,
we've all seen what happens
to the wolf when he swallows
the stick of dynamite, you know?
Whoom! [laughs] Yes, of course.
And then there's the fox that sticks
his paw in the light socket, you know,
and then the rabbit that
sticks his finger in the barrel,
and then the shotgun explodes in the
face of the fat little hunter, you know?
Uh, do you have any
children, Mr. Gruber?
No, but, uh... Are you married?
No, I've never been married. And then
there's the classic fall from the airplane,
where the victim falls down, and he
lands in the fork of a giant redwood,
and then he splits the
tree right down to the roots!
You know what I mean?
Yes, I know what you mean.
Well, I could go
on like this for days.
Uh... No, I live with my mother in a
little apartment in San Bernardino.
You know what I mean?
All set, honey? Yeah, right.
Good. Now all I do is say
my line and then drive away.
Straight through the bushes.
Okay, lots of personality now.
Looking back at this camera here,
and then the other camera below.
All right, let's
roll 'em. Right.
The other camera below?
Ready? Action!
If you really want to go
over big, drink Action!
[revs engine]
Doin' a great job, sweetie!
I hope so, Mr. Bender!
You still got a headache?
No, no. It's almost gone now.
Good. This time, give us the
line as we turn loose of the canoe.
Got it? Got it!
All right, roll 'em! Good
luck, sweetie! Action!
Wherever you go,
everybody falls for Action!
Could you understand her?
♪♪ [orchestra]
[no audible dialogue]
And I want you to buy
Action because... [screams]
Beautiful, sweetheart!
[no audible dialogue]
[no audible dialogue]
[elephant trumpeting]
[no audible dialogue]
♪♪ [flamenco]
[audience cheering]
[machine gun firing]
[tires screeching]
[chattering]
All right, I'll fix it. Okay. All
right, now. You say the line,
smile, and walk right inside.
Ready? All right. Lots
of... Lots of personality.
Ready? Act-ion!
You'll get a bang out of Action.
[door slams]
It's getting better. I could
almost hear the shower.
It's a miracle you're
still in one piece. What?
[louder] I said, it's a miracle
you're still in one piece!
Oh, I know. You should
see what I've got in my hair.
Honey, you don't have to
shout at me. I can hear you.
Oh. Sorry.
I said that I've got sand
and splinters in my hair.
It goes with the
rocks in your head.
How are ya doing, honey?
What are we waiting for?
Come on! Time is money!
How are ya, sweetheart?
How are your ears?
Much better, thank you. Good.
Bring her right over here.
Lay her on the tracks, boys.
Somebody signal the train!
Here we go. Bring her right
over here. Now, don't hurt our star.
[laughs] Put her down.
Right down here. There you go.
Somebody signal the train, please?
Take the script. That's the idea.
Is it a real train?
Would we settle for anything
less than the real thing for you?
Thank you.
Don't worry. The train'll
stop 10 feet up the track.
Ten feet? Telephone, Bill.
Oh. All right, I'll be right back,
sweetheart. Don't go away.
Hi, there, young lady.
Having a problem?
Oh, yes, sir, as a matter
of fact. I think I hear a train.
By George, I think you're right.
[chuckles]
What are you supposed
to say in this scene?
Get on the right
track. Drink Action.
That's cute.
All right, hold it. Hold
everything, boys, it's a wrap.
What does that mean? It means we're
finished. What happened, Mr. Bender?
They canceled the commercial.
But why? You said I was
getting better all the time.
You had nothin' to do with it.
The papers ran an article
about violence on television.
It started a whole federal case.
Article? On violence?
They're cutting it out
of the programming,
and they're cutting it
out of the commercials.
Do you believe it? All right,
just let the train come through.
Yeah, let the train come
through. Somebody untie the kid.
I wish you wouldn't
look at me like that.
I'm trying not to
look at you at all.
Honey, I don't know what to say.
I mean, it's a terrible
coincidence, and I'm sorry.
But Mr. Bender said
you made a federal case.
I editorialized a little,
but it was an honest piece.
I would have been a star.
I could feel it in my bones.
[train horn blowing]
I suppose you think that
makes everything all right.
Oh, Donald, I'm sorry I
made such a big fuss out of it.
It wasn't your fault, it was...
It was just a disappointment.
I know, honey. I know.
Then don't be so unhappy.
After all, you're
practically famous.
You've been promised a raise, and
other magazines have offered you jobs...
Yeah, and all at your expense.
Oh, don't be silly. You
did what you had to do.
I wish there was some way
I could make it up to you.
Well, you can start by not
being so emotional about it.
After all, what's
one little opportunity
when there's millions
to come. Yeah.
Donald, I don't blame you, so I
don't want you to blame yourself.
[Ann Marie crying]
[crying continues]
Oh, honey. Oh,
Donald, I'm sorry.
This isn't just that
I'm disappointed, it's...
It's just that... Well, I mean, you
came, and we came to California
and everything...
Come on, come on.
I have a feeling, this is
where we came in. [chuckles]
[chuckles, sighs, cries]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
have your autograph?
Me, too. My autograph?
Yeah, what's the matter?
Aren't you somebody?
Well, yes. I'm Ann Marie.
I don't think that's anybody.
Well, I haven't
been in any movies,
but I've been on Broadway.
Let's let her sign the
back of the book. Yeah.
Cute. Very cute. Who is she?
I don't know. I've
never seen her before.
She's got something.
What do you think?
Why not? We've been turned
down by everybody else in town.
Bye. Thanks.
The golf cart's
gonna hit her! I know.
Listen, if she lives, I think
we oughta use that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
Oh, thank you.
You all right, young
lady? Oh, yes. I'm fine.
Thank you very
much. I'm awfully sorry.
Don't be silly. It was my fault.
You walked in front of the cart.
Pictures. Thank you very much.
Hey, you take a great fall, you
know that? Oh! You're very kind.
What's your name, address and
telephone number? Oh, it's, uh,
Miss Ann Marie, the
Hollywood Palms Hotel.
Hollywood 27399.
No concussion. The
first sign of concussion
is a complete loss of name,
address and telephone number.
Oh. You an actress?
Oh, I most certainly am an
actress. I'm a very good actress.
Are you someone who's
looking for an actress?
This is Mr. Phillip Bender,
head of Bender Productions. Oh.
I'm Larry Yorkin, Mr. Bender's
assistant... also of Bender Productions.
Oh, my, well. Certainly is a
pleasure meeting both of you.
Mr. Bender's trying to
cast a girl in a commercial.
Oh! Isn't that a coincidence.
I'm a girl looking to
get cast in anything.
Mm-hmm. I made a decision.
Come up to my
office. Oh, I'd love to!
Have you ever done a
commercial before? Oh, yes I have.
I had a hand in
a skin lotion ad,
and my throat
was in a gargle ad,
and my nose was featured
in a four-way nasal spray.
Very good. Do you suppose that
Mr. Bender would use all of me in this one?
Frankly, I'm getting a little
tired of working piece-by-piece.
And then I appeared briefly
with Miss Ethel Merman
in the Lincoln Center
revival of Gypsy.
Have you had a
physical checkup lately?
Oh, uh, well I guess
about three months ago.
Oh! I didn't mean to imply,
when I said I appeared briefly,
that I... that I was
replaced in the part,
it's just that the revival was
only scheduled for two weeks.
How did it turn out? [chuckles]
Very well, as a matter of fact.
What did the doctor say?
Oh, he never saw it.
Mr. Bender means the checkup.
Oh! Oh, it turned
out fine. I'm perfect.
Good, good. How's your stamina?
Do you have a great
deal of stamina?
Oh, yes sir. I
have a great deal.
Courage? Yes.
Daring. How's your daring?
J-Just fine.
I made a further
decision. You see this girl?
This is the girl for
the Action commercial.
[gasps] Oh, my
gosh! You're kidding.
Oh, thank you, Mr. Bender.
What exactly is Action?
Action's a soda pop
made from squash.
Who's your agent?
Oh, Gilliam and Norris.
That's G-i-l-l-i-a-m,
and "Norris."
Who's your next of kin?
[chuckles] Never mind that.
We'll find that out later.
Young lady, go home.
Take good care of
yourself. You'll hear from us.
Oh, yes, sir. I certainly will.
And thank you so
much, sir. All right.
I really can't tell you how
grateful I am to both of you.
And thank you. And
I'll do a great job for you.
I mean, I'll do the
very best I can, yes.
And I'll be waiting
for your call. Yes.
Thank you. [chuckles]
Well, that's that.
Yeah. That's that.
[knocking]
Who is it?
[Ann] If you want some
Action, just open the door.
Uh, just a minute.
Hi.
Oh, Ann. It's you.
Of course it's me! Were you
expecting somebody else?
Oh, no, no. I just thought maybe
somebody had the wrong room.
Hmm. How'd I sound?
Pretty sexy, huh?
Very sexy, huh?
What is this?
This, Mr. Hollinger,
honey, is Action.
The pretty, perky,
sweety, bouncy drink
that's gonna make
me a star. Borscht.
It is not borscht, it's true.
Mr. Phil Bender, of Bender
Productions, picked me up,
looked me over, and
made me the Action girl.
For Action commercials.
I-I don't mean you, I mean
this. It tastes like borscht.
Oh.
And since when do you let
yourself get picked up by producers?
Ever since I started getting
knocked down by golf carts.
Oh. Anyway, Donald.
Do you know what a successful
commercial can do for an actress?
I mean, look at Betty
Furness. More people have
seen Betty Furness
than Gone with the Wind.
You got knocked
down by a golf cart?
You're not impressed!
Honey, how hard is it to get
knocked down by a golf cart?
Donald, have we lost each
other somewhere along the way?
[laughs] Oh, I'm
sorry. I'm sorry.
It's just that I'm kind of
wound up in this article.
Oh, yeah. I think that's
terrific. You haven't read it.
Blind faith. Thank you.
Maybe. [phone ringing]
Hello? Oh, uh, hello Mr. Marie.
How are you? No.
No, you just didn't happen to catch
Ann in my room at all hours of the day.
Well, Mr. Marie, just because
we have connecting rooms
doesn't mean there isn't a
door that leads out into the hall.
[chuckles]
Well, "connecting rooms" is an
unfortunate choice of words, Mr. Marie.
"Adjoining rooms" with a locked door
in between would be more accurate.
Look, why don't you try her room
now? I'm sure she's back by now.
Just a minute.
[rattling switchhook]
Operator? Operator?
[ringing]
Hi, Daddy. How are you?
How'd you know it was me?
I-I could tell by the ring.
You know how a mother
can always tell her baby's cry?
Well, the daughter can
always tell her father's ring.
I was out getting a job!
Oh, Daddy, will you stop
worrying about me? I'm fine.
And I'm really enjoying myself.
After all, I've
only got one life.
But I've only got
one life, Mr. Bender.
Cutie, come on. What
are you worried about?
Well, it's just that it looks
like we're going to use real fire.
Well, will you trust me,
sweetheart? Will you please trust me?
Yes, sir.
Now, come on. Read the line.
Oh, yes. Now, how do
you want me to read it?
Well, be gay. Bouncy. Perky.
While I'm being
burned at the stake?
Hey, you see the
humor? [laughing]
Oh, yeah. Okay, everyone.
Let's make one.
Eddie, hit the torch.
Now, remember, sweetheart.
We gotta get this in one take. Why?
Why? That stuff
goes up pretty fast.
All righty? Re... Ro... Honey.
Try not to perspire. Okay?
Yes. Okay? Uh, light it, Eddie.
All right, roll 'em!
Ready. Action!
[Indians screaming]
For the hottest drink
in town, get Action!
Beautiful. Very good. Cut! Cut!
All right, boys.
Try to put it out.
Well, Mr. Stanley, if
the new code insists
that violence be held
to an absolute minimum,
how are you gonna make
a series about World War I?
We stay behind the line.
I see.
Well, sir, how can you create
the impression of war that way?
Symbolism. We show
a lot of swaying trees,
glassy-eyed kids,
you know what I mean.
Allegorical? Yeah.
It's the war to end all wars
as seen through the eyes of a
French artichoke farmer and his family.
How do you feel about that?
I'm eating my guts out.
Here I thought I was going
to make something classic.
Powerful. A graphic indictment.
What do I wind up with? Father
Knows Best on the western front.
Well, that could very well
be a refreshing approach.
I mean, after all, there have been so
many movies and TV shows done about wars.
Listen, if they don't want us to show 'em,
all they have to do is stop having 'em.
That's a thought.
The camera's in
that plane over there.
Now, smile at the camera in that
plane, say your line and then jump.
Mr. Bender, I think you should
know I've never done this before.
I'm fully aware of that. Consequently,
I'm not looking for perfection.
Are you ready? Yes, sir.
All right. But I don't
have to do anything.
Nothing! The parachute opens
automatically, in about 10 seconds.
All right? Here we go.
Roll 'em. Ready? Action!
If you'll fall for anything,
you'll fall for Action!
Beautiful! Seven,
eight, nine, 10...
Eh, 11... 12...
[sighs] Boy, that
was some landing.
I feel as tall as a duck.
Jumping out of an airplane.
You gotta be kiddin'. On the
contrary, that's serious business.
It's a miracle you
didn't break anything.
I did. The freeway sign on
the Haskell Avenue off ramp.
Ouch! What's the matter?
It's just that right there it's still
scorched from being burned at the stake.
Are you sure it's worth
it, goin' through all of this?
Of course it is.
Mr. Bender says this
is how stars are born.
Betty Grable wasn't discovered until
she got kicked in the head by a horse.
Betty Grable? Yeah. It was on the
stretcher that they noticed her legs.
My point is, honesty
in entertainment.
Violence exists, and you
can't hide it from the public.
Do you know there's
a sickening murder
committed every 43
seconds in the United States?
That's what we try to do on our show:
one sickening murder every 43 seconds.
I claim that's honest. That's a
pretty weird point, Mr. Sheldon.
I don't pussyfoot,
Mr. Dillinger. Hollinger.
I'm tryin' to make
a point. Is that so?
I don't pussyfoot, I
don't mollycoddle,
I don't soft soap. Uh,
Mr. Sheldon, don't...
I'm trying to make a point. You just try
and give me your undivided attention.
Now, when we do a show
about your axe murderer,
your ripper-killer,
your chainsaw slayer,
we look on it, more or
less, as a public service.
You get my
meaning? I'm not sure.
Let me make my point.
Do you have any idea
how many "cuckoo-boos" are out
running around wild in this country?
Huh? And they all have
one thing in common.
They got mayhem on their minds.
And they watch our show.
And do you know why?
Helpful hints?
If you really want to
knock your friends dead,
get Action.
[machine gun firing]
[machine gun continues]
I have never been so
excited about an assignment.
My editor told me
my first article has
already been picked
up by the wire services,
and my byline is gonna be in
every big newspaper in this country.
[bell dinging] [yawning]
Oh, Donald, that's marvelous.
I can't tell you how happy I am.
I've never been so excited about
anything in my life. Thank you, honey.
[bell dinging] But I
get distinct impression
you're just a little bit tired.
What makes you say that?
Well, for one thing,
you took a short nap
between your shrimp cocktail
and your chocolate mousse.
No wonder I'm still
hungry. [dinging]
I beg your pardon,
sir. That's all right.
Could I have 203
and 205, please?
She's just very tired.
Come on.
Okay, come on.
Come on, now.
Take off your shoes.
Here, give me this.
All right. [sighs]
Shh, shh.
Donald?
Honey, you're
asleep. Don't wake up.
But I have to.
What a way to
celebrate your success.
Snoozing through shrimp.
Honey, it's all
right. I don't mind.
I do.
I ruined our whole evening.
Everything. I'll give
you a rain check.
That make you feel better?
I only wish it would rain.
Then I wouldn't
have to go to work.
We could spend a whole,
typical day in California together.
Wouldn't that be terrific?
Rain or shine, we'll make it.
The important thing is
that you get some rest.
Oh, Donald. I'm so lucky
you're in love with me.
[chuckles] The first
thing in the morning,
I'm gonna straighten
you out on who's so lucky.
Yes, I suppose you
could say that hostilities
find expression in
cartoon comics...
You know, the cat who cuts
up the dog into poker chips,
and the mouse that flattens
the cat with a steam roller, and...
[chuckles] And of course,
we've all seen what happens
to the wolf when he swallows
the stick of dynamite, you know?
Whoom! [laughs] Yes, of course.
And then there's the fox that sticks
his paw in the light socket, you know,
and then the rabbit that
sticks his finger in the barrel,
and then the shotgun explodes in the
face of the fat little hunter, you know?
Uh, do you have any
children, Mr. Gruber?
No, but, uh... Are you married?
No, I've never been married. And then
there's the classic fall from the airplane,
where the victim falls down, and he
lands in the fork of a giant redwood,
and then he splits the
tree right down to the roots!
You know what I mean?
Yes, I know what you mean.
Well, I could go
on like this for days.
Uh... No, I live with my mother in a
little apartment in San Bernardino.
You know what I mean?
All set, honey? Yeah, right.
Good. Now all I do is say
my line and then drive away.
Straight through the bushes.
Okay, lots of personality now.
Looking back at this camera here,
and then the other camera below.
All right, let's
roll 'em. Right.
The other camera below?
Ready? Action!
If you really want to go
over big, drink Action!
[revs engine]
Doin' a great job, sweetie!
I hope so, Mr. Bender!
You still got a headache?
No, no. It's almost gone now.
Good. This time, give us the
line as we turn loose of the canoe.
Got it? Got it!
All right, roll 'em! Good
luck, sweetie! Action!
Wherever you go,
everybody falls for Action!
Could you understand her?
♪♪ [orchestra]
[no audible dialogue]
And I want you to buy
Action because... [screams]
Beautiful, sweetheart!
[no audible dialogue]
[no audible dialogue]
[elephant trumpeting]
[no audible dialogue]
♪♪ [flamenco]
[audience cheering]
[machine gun firing]
[tires screeching]
[chattering]
All right, I'll fix it. Okay. All
right, now. You say the line,
smile, and walk right inside.
Ready? All right. Lots
of... Lots of personality.
Ready? Act-ion!
You'll get a bang out of Action.
[door slams]
It's getting better. I could
almost hear the shower.
It's a miracle you're
still in one piece. What?
[louder] I said, it's a miracle
you're still in one piece!
Oh, I know. You should
see what I've got in my hair.
Honey, you don't have to
shout at me. I can hear you.
Oh. Sorry.
I said that I've got sand
and splinters in my hair.
It goes with the
rocks in your head.
How are ya doing, honey?
What are we waiting for?
Come on! Time is money!
How are ya, sweetheart?
How are your ears?
Much better, thank you. Good.
Bring her right over here.
Lay her on the tracks, boys.
Somebody signal the train!
Here we go. Bring her right
over here. Now, don't hurt our star.
[laughs] Put her down.
Right down here. There you go.
Somebody signal the train, please?
Take the script. That's the idea.
Is it a real train?
Would we settle for anything
less than the real thing for you?
Thank you.
Don't worry. The train'll
stop 10 feet up the track.
Ten feet? Telephone, Bill.
Oh. All right, I'll be right back,
sweetheart. Don't go away.
Hi, there, young lady.
Having a problem?
Oh, yes, sir, as a matter
of fact. I think I hear a train.
By George, I think you're right.
[chuckles]
What are you supposed
to say in this scene?
Get on the right
track. Drink Action.
That's cute.
All right, hold it. Hold
everything, boys, it's a wrap.
What does that mean? It means we're
finished. What happened, Mr. Bender?
They canceled the commercial.
But why? You said I was
getting better all the time.
You had nothin' to do with it.
The papers ran an article
about violence on television.
It started a whole federal case.
Article? On violence?
They're cutting it out
of the programming,
and they're cutting it
out of the commercials.
Do you believe it? All right,
just let the train come through.
Yeah, let the train come
through. Somebody untie the kid.
I wish you wouldn't
look at me like that.
I'm trying not to
look at you at all.
Honey, I don't know what to say.
I mean, it's a terrible
coincidence, and I'm sorry.
But Mr. Bender said
you made a federal case.
I editorialized a little,
but it was an honest piece.
I would have been a star.
I could feel it in my bones.
[train horn blowing]
I suppose you think that
makes everything all right.
Oh, Donald, I'm sorry I
made such a big fuss out of it.
It wasn't your fault, it was...
It was just a disappointment.
I know, honey. I know.
Then don't be so unhappy.
After all, you're
practically famous.
You've been promised a raise, and
other magazines have offered you jobs...
Yeah, and all at your expense.
Oh, don't be silly. You
did what you had to do.
I wish there was some way
I could make it up to you.
Well, you can start by not
being so emotional about it.
After all, what's
one little opportunity
when there's millions
to come. Yeah.
Donald, I don't blame you, so I
don't want you to blame yourself.
[Ann Marie crying]
[crying continues]
Oh, honey. Oh,
Donald, I'm sorry.
This isn't just that
I'm disappointed, it's...
It's just that... Well, I mean, you
came, and we came to California
and everything...
Come on, come on.
I have a feeling, this is
where we came in. [chuckles]
[chuckles, sighs, cries]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA