That Girl (1966–1971): Season 3, Episode 21 - The Subject Was Rabies - full transcript
Early one day, Ann is followed home by a friendly and cute little brown and white bushy tailed dog who she's never seen. The dog ends up giving Ann's father a nip on his ankles, causing a superficial wound before the dog runs off. As an off the cuff funny comment, Donald mentions the word "rabid" which sends both Lew and Ann into a fit of hypochondriac related hysteria. Lew is certain his developing symptoms are rabies related, while Ann can only think of her father's welfare even at the expense of her career as she stays with him, missing an important audition in the process. Despite the fact that Lew having rabies is in anecdotal terms a million to one, the possibly rabid dog story gains a life of its own. Because of it, Ann's apartment becomes Grand Central Station with among others the media hungry doctor, the animal control inspector, Ann's agent, a Newsview photographer, a messenger delivering the rabies vaccine, and a gaggle of young boys with small brown and white dogs who want Donald's offered reward money for finding *the* dog parading through her apartment all at the same time.
Harry, do you really think I
have a chance for that part?
Would I say it if
I didn't mean it?
See these? Sincerity lines.
They're very becoming.
Is it really a good play?
Does David Princefeld
put on bad plays?
Ahem. No, of course not.
Hey, wait a minute!
I thought David Princefeld's
play was already cast.
It was. They're
recasting this part.
Why? What happened
to the other girl?
She went to a convent
a week before rehearsal.
So? So she doesn't
want to come out.
Oh.
Well, if that's what she wants,
I think that's beautiful.
Beautiful?
Do you have any idea how
much is 10% of a nun's salary?
I never thought of it like that.
That's the trouble with
actors. You're all alike. Selfish.
Here's the address.
Do you want to
audition? Of course I do!
Tell me something
about the character.
Well, she's a girl, she walks
on stage, and she says words.
You're a big help.
I'm trying to make
an impression.
Look, Ann, you're a nice
girl from a good family.
Don't worry. He'll be impressed.
That's not what I mean.
I mean if she's
from the far North,
she should have a
ruddy complexion.
That'd be a Pancake Number Five.
From the West, a
Pancake Number Three.
The South, a Number Two.
Uh, she's from Kansas City.
That's very safe.
Kansas City. That's halfway
between New York and California.
I'd use a Number Five
Pancake in a medium rouge.
Princefeld's office, 12:15.
I'll pick up my pink skirt
and blouse from the cleaners.
That's Midwest sexy.
[door closes]
No interest, no
drive, no ambition.
That's what's the
matter with... that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
[barks, whimpers]
Now look, doggie,
you followed me all the
way home from the cleaners.
[whimpers]
Now, you're a very nice doggie,
and it's been a
pleasure meeting you.
But I'm in a big hurry, and
I have to go to an audition.
[barks]
[barking, scratching at door]
Now listen, there
is a sign downstairs
that says "No Pets Allowed."
[barks]
So I couldn't invite you
in even if I had the time...
Which I don't.
Now go on. Go home.
Okay.
One quickie bowl of
milk... then home you go.
Is that a deal?
[barks]
All right. Come on in.
Now just a minute. I'm
entitled to know your name.
No tags.
Okay, doggie, I'll get your
milk then home you go.
A deal's a deal, okay?
[door buzzer] That's
a good little doggie.
Drink it all up. I
don't want to be late.
Hi, Daddy! Oh, come
in for just a minute.
Oh, that doesn't
sound very good.
What I mean is I've
got an appointment.
That's okay, honey. Are you in
need of money or sage advice?
Well, as a matter of fact...
I'll start with the advice.
Don't ask for money.
All I really want is a little bit of
affection and a heartfelt good-bye.
My pleasure,
sweetie. [barks, growls]
Ow!
He bit me!
Oh, you're kidding.
He wouldn't do
a thing like that.
Look at this. I've been mangled.
Oh, my gosh. He
really did bite you.
Who is he anyway?
He's a total stranger.
I'll get some iodine.
Iodine burns. Get Mercurochrome.
You've got a lot of nerve.
[barks]
Now you listen to me!
[barks]
Okay, Daddy,
this'll fix you right up.
I can't understand
why he bit me.
I love dogs.
How big a hole did he make?
Oh, the outside
skin is barely broken.
Feels like that killer
severed an artery.
Oh, the bleeding
has already stopped.
Where did he come from anyway?
I don't know. He
followed me home.
There. Now that'll be okay.
Now don't you worry.
Daddy, I really
got to get going.
Hi. Anyone for lunch?
Hello, Mr. Marie.
Since when do you have a
key to my daughter's apartment?
Since five seconds ago.
Honey, you left the
key in the door again.
I have a very
important audition.
I'm kinda in a hurry.
Good luck. Dinner
tonight. Yeah, great.
What happened to
your ankle, Mr. Marie?
It was torn to shreds
by a ferocious dog.
What dog?
I don't know. It was
a friend of Ann's.
Uh... Well, that ankle
doesn't look too bad.
It looked a lot better
before he bit me.
I suppose I should consider
myself lucky I wasn't sitting down.
He'd have gone for my throat.
Or he might have
been a bigger dog.
Or he might have
been rabid, or he...
Rabid? What do you mean rabid?
[chuckles] I... I was
just being facetious.
Never mind what you were being.
What do you mean by rabid?
Well, you know,
rabies, hydrophobia.
Are you telling me that that
dog might have had hydrophobia?
No, sir. I was just
trying to make a joke.
What kind of a joke is that?
Well, I was only attempting
to make you feel better.
Do you know what
happens to a man
who's bitten by a
dog with hydrophobia?
He goes out of his mind.
He runs around howling at people
and eating out of garbage cans.
Okay, I really got
to get going now.
What time tonight,
Donald? Oh, 7:00-7:30.
Fine. Bye, Daddy. [groans]
What's the matter?
I'm getting dizzy
and my mouth is dry.
I... I was just making a joke,
and your father took
me too seriously is all.
What sort of a joke, Donald?
I've got rabies.
How's that for a laugh?
You told Daddy he has rabies?
No, I didn't. He just assumed.
Assumed nothing.
You said it was possible.
Donald, did you
say it was possible?
Honey, anything's possible.
Well, Donald, how could you
even suggest such a silly thing?
Will you stop arguing
and call a doctor?
But, Daddy... Wait... Wait
a minute. Wait a minute.
We're all being
unnecessarily emotional.
I'd like to inject
a note of reason.
Fine... but call a
doctor at the same time.
Okay, Daddy, if it'll
make you feel better.
[clears throat]
Mr. Marie... [chuckles]
Mr. Marie, rabid dogs are very hard to
come by in the heart of New York City,
and if you did find one,
there would probably be
some indication of the disease.
You know, foaming
at the mouth...
This dog had foam
all over his face.
That was milk, Daddy.
Besides, he'd show some
sort of erratic behavior.
He bit my leg. Is that
the act of a rational dog?
May I please speak
with Dr. Priddy?
Mr. Marie... Mr. Marie,
the simple solution
would be to turn the dog
over to the ASPCA for tests.
That way, you'd be
absolutely certain.
Well, why doesn't
somebody do it?
I'd be happy to. Where is he?
I don't know. He ran
out of the apartment.
Well, could you
reach him, please?
Yes, this is Ann Marie.
It's very important.
Yes, I'll hold.
Ahem. Ann?
Ann, do you have any idea
where I might find the dog?
No. I never saw that
dog before today.
Well, I'm gonna have a look
around the neighborhood.
What do you need the dog for?
Because there's one sure way
to put your father's
mind at ease
and that's by turning the dog
over to the authorities for tests.
Oh, hello. Dr. Priddy?
Yes, this is Ann Marie.
Oh, I'm just fine, thank
you. It's my father.
Well, he's over visiting me,
and he's had an accident.
Yes, a dog bit him.
I'm... I'm dizzy,
and my mouth is dry.
He's a little dizzy,
and his mouth is dry.
Oh, that'd be wonderful,
Doctor. Thank you.
Oh, thank you so much.
I really appreciate
it. Good-bye.
Uh, Mr. Marie, what
did the dog look like?
I can't remember
anything but teeth.
Daddy, the doctor's on
a call not far from here.
He'll come over on his
way back to the office.
What are we supposed
to do in the meantime?
Well, if he said that if
you're dizzy, sit down.
And if you're dry in the
mouth, have a glass of water.
Wonderful. It certainly is comforting to
know that you're in such capable hands.
Ann, what did the dog look like?
I'm gonna try and find him.
Well, he's brown and white,
and he has cute little
ears, and a big bushy tail...
Ann, for heaven's sake!
I'll find him. You take it easy.
I'll be right back. Okay.
[telephone rings]
Hello? Oh, hi, Harry.
Yeah, I know I'm late,
but something's happened.
Is that the doctor?
No, it's my agent.
My father was bitten by a dog.
Well, I know Mr. Princefeld's
got a thing about punctuality,
but I've got a thing
about my father.
And he could have a
very severe case of rabies!
Well, I really don't care.
You can just tell
him anything you like.
But don't let him give
the part to anybody else.
Miss Marie,
is this what you
call an accident?
I didn't know
what else to call it.
You should have been here to
see how excited everybody was.
That's nothing more
than a tiny skin puncture.
How big a hole does
a rabies germ need?
Who said anything about rabies?
[Lou] I did. Why?
Well, it all started
out as sort of a joke.
What's funny about rabies?
That what I said.
Since you've opened
the can of peas,
any breaking of the skin
is sufficient for infection.
Daddy, will you please
stop talking about rabies?
We have no proof
that dog was rabid.
What dog?
The one with the
crazy look in his eyes
and the foam on his mouth...
who bit me and ran away.
You're kidding.
Daddy, that was milk.
Maybe it was milk...
but maybe it wasn't.
Did you report this to
the Health Department?
Well, no. You see,
Donald, my boyfriend,
he went off to find the
dog, and I called you...
Where's the phone?
Doctor, do you
really think that...
I'm a doctor, Miss Marie.
There are times we
can't afford to think.
We have to act.
[door buzzer] Oh, excuse me.
Hi, Donald Any luck? Not a sign.
I guess he's lapping
up a bowl of milk
in some other kindhearted
lady's apartment.
Anyway, I got a
search organized.
The doctor?
Yes, he's calling the
Health Department.
Priddy.
Dr. Phillip L. Priddy.
P-R-I-double-D-Y.
No, we're not totally
certain, but, uh,
there's no sense
taking any chances
with the security of a city.
Well, it isn't necessary
to alarm anyone.
No, I haven't spoken
with the newspaper.
Should I?
Well, if you do, it's P-R-I...
[click, dial tone]
Doctor Priddy, I'd like you to
meet my boyfriend Donald Hollinger.
How do you do?
The city's sending
over an investigator.
Is there anything we
can do in the meantime?
Find the dog.
Well, Doctor, what if we
can't find the dog... ever?
Then I will have to administer the Pasteur
anti-rabies vaccine series to your father.
And that'll be
followed by a lot of...
television interviews
and write-ups.
[telephone rings] Hello?
Oh, Harry!
Listen, Harry, I'm sorry,
but I just can't leave now.
Well, what would you do if you
were me and your father had rabies?
I don't believe you.
Your own father?
Clients come first?
Yes, Harry, that sort of
loyalty is very touching.
Look, would you
just tell Mr. Princefeld
that I'll be there
as soon as I can?
Thank you so much,
Harry. I appreciate it. Bye.
Ann, honey, look,
why don't you go?
Everything that can
be done is being done.
I've offered a dollar a dog for
any stray that fits the description.
The doctor is here.
And the odds against your father
having rabies are a million to one.
Why one? What do you mean?
Why not a million to nothing?
Well, honey, because to be complete
truthful and mathematically accurate,
there has to be
some speck of doubt.
Well, I just can't take that
kind of a chance, Donald.
What chance?
Nine times out
of 10 I lose a job
that's "a million
to one I'll get it."
What? Don't tell me
about mathematics.
Mathematics never works.
[door buzzer]
Miss Ann Marie? Yes, sir.
I'm Ketchum from the
Department of Animal Bites.
Oh, certainly. Please come in.
This is Mr. Hollinger
of Newsview magazine.
Oh. Then it is rabies.
No, sir. I'm here unofficially.
Oh. Where's the victim?
Oh, please don't say that.
Don't say what? "The victim."
It sounds so final,
doesn't it, Donald?
Yes. Yes, it does.
I'm sorry.
Where's the, uh, bite-ee?
He's my father. His
name is Lou Marie,
and he's right in the bedroom.
Excuse me. Hmm.
Ketchum, Department
of Animal Bites.
Dr. Phillip L. Priddy.
P-R-I-double-D-Y.
Sounds about right.
How is he, Doctor?
Reasonably comfortable.
Say, did you, uh, say you
were with Newsview magazine?
Uh, yes. Yes, I am.
Well, you may say...
that everything that can
be done is being done.
This is a time of...
vigil, patience, faith.
In my experience, I've seen
several cases comparable to this one.
One was in 1962.
Did you want to get
any of this down?
Uh, no, no, no. I'm not here
on a professional capacity.
I'm just a friend of
the family's. Nice.
Doctor, please,
tell me the truth.
Suppose we can't find the dog.
It's a million to one against
the dog having rabies.
I think I better tell you, Doctor,
that's not very comforting.
Miss Marie, even if
the dog were rabid,
the vaccine offers an excellent
chance of complete recovery.
Oh.
Doctor, would you
please translate that?
An excellent chance
of complete recovery...
into odds... medically speaking.
Better than 50-50.
Really? Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, thank you, Doctor!
You feel better?
Well, I do now.
A million to one is not nearly
as good as "better than 50-50..."
nine times out of 10.
Dave...
how can you expect
the girl to leave now?
I know you work
when you're sick.
But how many David
Princefeld's are there in this world?
The vaccine's on its way.
I want you to know I've cancelled
all other calls and consultations,
and I've turned over my office
appointments to another doctor.
Thank you, Doctor.
However, I may
slip out for a haircut.
Oh, certainly.
Of course, David. Right, David.
[door buzzer] I
understand, David.
Oh, hello, boys.
Where's the guy who's
looking for the stray dogs?
He's out looking for stray dogs.
We've brung you three
dogs, and we want $3.00.
Oh. Well...
I don't know if
these dogs qualify.
Ann, can I see you for a minute?
Oh, yes. Come on in, guys.
Just excuse me for one minute.
Thank you.
What's the matter, Harry?
Princefeld can't wait past 3:00.
[telephone rings]
What time is it now?
It's, uh, 20 after one.
Maybe I can still make it.
Well, if you can, you can,
and if you can't, you can't.
I'm sorry, Harry.
I know how much my getting
this part has meant to you.
It's my luck.
Do you have any skim milk?
I think so.
Please. Body temperature.
Your office called.
These are your messages
listed in order of anger.
Actors!
The vaccine's on its way by
special messenger, just in case.
Oh, fine.
Is it very painful?
It's not bad... but it
won't be a pleasure.
Oh, I see.
Doctor, why don't you go inside
and explain the whole
thing to my father?
Just to kind of
prepare him for it.
I'll do what I can.
Thank you.
Listen, you haven't been
off my mind for a minute.
Wonderful hearing
your voice again.
Oh, the reason I haven't
returned your calls?
Uh... I'm still in Miami Beach!
[door buzzer]
I know exactly how you feel.
[buzzer continues]
Right! Of course!
And I don't blame
you for being angry.
Yes! Absolutely! [dog barks]
Look, I swear to you,
I haven't been out of this
hotel room since I arrived.
Here's your milk.
You hear that? Room service.
Here's one for you...
and a buck for you.
Did you check these three out?
Yeah, they're not even close.
Okay, men, thanks.
Wanna keep the
dogs? You paid for 'em.
No, thank you.
Okay, men, get out
there any try again.
Search the whole
neighborhood. [dog barks]
Come on, you can
do it. Get out there.
I called the office and explained
why I haven't been in all day.
Oh, I'm sorry, Donald.
I don't want you
to get in trouble.
Look, you go. I'm fine.
On the contrary.
They want me to stick around,
and they're sending
a photographer.
Get away from me, I tell you!
I don't care what you say!
No! No! Over my dead body!
You don't come near me
with one of those things!
Mr. Marie, a hypodermic
needle isn't gonna kill you.
It could make me faint!
Now, Daddy, please!
The doctor's only
trying to help you.
He doesn't know
a thing about me.
I have a very sensitive body.
Daddy, illness is no
excuse for rudeness.
If illness isn't, what is?
No needles!
[all talking]
Quiet! Please! Quiet!
It's a fight about your billing.
[door buzzer]
Ann Marie live
here? Yes, that's right.
My name is Bounder.
I'm from Newsview.
Oh, how are you? I'm Hollinger.
How are you? What's
the scene here?
Well, nothing as
dramatic as they think.
Miss Marie's father
has been bitten by a dog.
Is he dead?
No. That's him on the couch.
He looks okay. He is okay.
Then what did they
want me to shoot?
I don't know.
Is there a Dr. Priddy here?
I'm Priddy.
I'm from the medical center.
I have your rabies
vaccine. Thank you.
Rabies vaccine?
Yeah. Well, you see,
it started as a joke.
Who are you?
I'm Bounder from
Newsview. Who are you?
Dr. Phillip L. Priddy.
P-R-I-double-D-Y.
I'm the, uh,
physician in charge.
Oh. Well, let's get a shot of you
and the messenger together, Doctor.
Uh, you be taking the serum.
Who are you?
Ketchum, Department
of Animal Bites.
A-N-I-M-A-L bites.
Anybody got anything
going back uptown?
Daddy, do you want
me to call Mother?
No, no, no. Don't do that.
She get all upset, drive down
here and have an accident.
And if there's one thing
I don't need right now,
it's to have my automobile
insurance cancelled.
[door buzzer]
Oh, hi. Come on in, fellas.
Come on. Come right in here.
We'll have a look
right here. Atta boy.
Ann? Ann, we have
some more dogs.
Excuse me, Daddy.
Thank you.
Here we are.
Now, does that look
like it would hurt?
Why do you have to give
it to me with a needle?
Why can't I take
it in orange juice?
Ann, how about these? No.
None of them? No. I'm sorry.
Okay, here you go.
Thank you very much.
Keep looking. Here you
are. Here's your dollar.
Thank you very much.
Here's your dollar.
Keep looking, boys.
How about that
one? Look. You sure?
Okay, here you go. There
you go. Thanks very much.
Keep looking.
Here? No.
Here you go. Keep looking, boys.
[growling]
[barks]
I distinctly said small, brown
and white, and a bushy tail.
No dollar. Oh, Donald!
For heaven's sake!
Here, sweetheart.
We very much appreciate
your sincere effort.
Look for a small one,
about 1/3 of that size.
Ann, I have some great news.
Princefeld's gonna
give me the part?
No, I was just
talking to the doctor.
The incubation period
for rabies is 20 days.
So, you can have your
audition, open out of town,
and still be back
in plenty of time.
Oh, forget it.
Something tells me that's
just not gonna work out.
Okay, okay.
Ann. Ann, sweetheart.
It takes a big man
to admit he's wrong.
Well, I'm admitting it.
Wrong about what, Daddy?
This whole business started
out as a casual comment,
and I made a big deal about it.
Hollinger, you were right.
It is a superficial
scratch, and well...
it was a perfectly healthy dog.
Well, Mr. Marie, in all honesty,
I never said it was a
perfectly healthy dog.
Actually, I never even
saw the dog at all.
Yeah, but... but
you laughed about it.
You... You said you
were only making a joke.
That's right, Donald.
You did say that.
I know I did, but a lot
has happened since then.
It's time.
Will you please tell this man
to take that needle away?
Mr. Marie, I can't take
that kind of responsibility.
What's the matter?
Are you yellow?
You're asking me to
gamble with your life.
Well, I certainly am not
gonna gamble with it!
Never mind!
[all talking]
Now look, I've changed my mind.
[all talking]
[barking]
Daddy, look!
That's him! Her! It!
Is this the place where
you get a buck a dog?
Yes. Yes, it is!
Oh, my gosh! Are
we glad to see you!
Just a minute, lady.
Not that one, this one.
That one's mine. He's yours?
Are you sure? I mean,
you're not just saying that.
How come he's been running
around without his tags?
Collar's too big,
keeps on falling off.
Daddy, look! He's
had his rabies shots.
I'm a little dizzy.
Oh, Daddy. Everything's fine.
You're gonna be all right.
Everything's fine now.
Donald, pay the boy $2.00.
Doctor, I'm a little dizzy.
I heard you.
Sit down before you
fall and hurt someone.
Well, you want me to
file this report on the bite?
I certainly do.
It'll go on the dog's record.
[barks]
Please, mister. He's
been clean up 'til now.
Okay.
I'll forget it if he will.
Thanks, mister!
Well, good-bye, everybody.
It's been a pleasure.
If you happen to
get bitten again,
don't hesitate to call.
Good-bye, Miss Marie.
Good-bye. Thank you so much.
Donald, what time is it?
Uh, 20 to three.
[gasps] Harry!
I might still have time!
Hurry up! Grab a
coat! One second!
Say, uh, what are you
gonna do with the pictures?
I'm gonna throw them
away. They're worthless.
Uh, could I get three glossies
with the needle like this
and three more
with the serum like...
Hollinger, I'm going
home and lie down.
Tell Ann I'll see
her in a few days.
Well, you think you
ought to go back so soon?
What do you mean?
Well, you said you
were dizzy before.
It's a long drive back, and
you might have accide...
Forget it. Forget it.
Good-bye.
Make that "good afternoon."
Hurry! Okay, okay!
Listen, your father said
he'd see you in a few days.
Thanks, Donald.
I gotta get back to the office.
I'll see you later. Bye!
Anybody got anything
going uptown?
Listen, to tell you the truth,
I don't care that you
didn't get the part.
Harry!
Neither the part nor the
play is as good as you think.
But you said...
You wanted me to leave
my father who was sick.
You made it sound
as if it was the best,
the most important thing
that could ever happen.
Yes, I did.
You mean you just
deliberately lied to her? I did.
Is that what you call integrity?
Just a moment.
Lying is business.
A Princefeld play
can't hurt you.
Integrity is opening night
when I come backstage
and say, "I didn't like it."
Oh. Oh, I see.
Well, one way or another,
I'm still out of a job.
Have you ever
considered nightclubs?
What would I do in a nightclub?
You could do an act.
We already have an act.
Excellent!
What do you do?
None of your business.
♪♪ [theme]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, Ca
have a chance for that part?
Would I say it if
I didn't mean it?
See these? Sincerity lines.
They're very becoming.
Is it really a good play?
Does David Princefeld
put on bad plays?
Ahem. No, of course not.
Hey, wait a minute!
I thought David Princefeld's
play was already cast.
It was. They're
recasting this part.
Why? What happened
to the other girl?
She went to a convent
a week before rehearsal.
So? So she doesn't
want to come out.
Oh.
Well, if that's what she wants,
I think that's beautiful.
Beautiful?
Do you have any idea how
much is 10% of a nun's salary?
I never thought of it like that.
That's the trouble with
actors. You're all alike. Selfish.
Here's the address.
Do you want to
audition? Of course I do!
Tell me something
about the character.
Well, she's a girl, she walks
on stage, and she says words.
You're a big help.
I'm trying to make
an impression.
Look, Ann, you're a nice
girl from a good family.
Don't worry. He'll be impressed.
That's not what I mean.
I mean if she's
from the far North,
she should have a
ruddy complexion.
That'd be a Pancake Number Five.
From the West, a
Pancake Number Three.
The South, a Number Two.
Uh, she's from Kansas City.
That's very safe.
Kansas City. That's halfway
between New York and California.
I'd use a Number Five
Pancake in a medium rouge.
Princefeld's office, 12:15.
I'll pick up my pink skirt
and blouse from the cleaners.
That's Midwest sexy.
[door closes]
No interest, no
drive, no ambition.
That's what's the
matter with... that girl.
♪♪ [theme]
[barks, whimpers]
Now look, doggie,
you followed me all the
way home from the cleaners.
[whimpers]
Now, you're a very nice doggie,
and it's been a
pleasure meeting you.
But I'm in a big hurry, and
I have to go to an audition.
[barks]
[barking, scratching at door]
Now listen, there
is a sign downstairs
that says "No Pets Allowed."
[barks]
So I couldn't invite you
in even if I had the time...
Which I don't.
Now go on. Go home.
Okay.
One quickie bowl of
milk... then home you go.
Is that a deal?
[barks]
All right. Come on in.
Now just a minute. I'm
entitled to know your name.
No tags.
Okay, doggie, I'll get your
milk then home you go.
A deal's a deal, okay?
[door buzzer] That's
a good little doggie.
Drink it all up. I
don't want to be late.
Hi, Daddy! Oh, come
in for just a minute.
Oh, that doesn't
sound very good.
What I mean is I've
got an appointment.
That's okay, honey. Are you in
need of money or sage advice?
Well, as a matter of fact...
I'll start with the advice.
Don't ask for money.
All I really want is a little bit of
affection and a heartfelt good-bye.
My pleasure,
sweetie. [barks, growls]
Ow!
He bit me!
Oh, you're kidding.
He wouldn't do
a thing like that.
Look at this. I've been mangled.
Oh, my gosh. He
really did bite you.
Who is he anyway?
He's a total stranger.
I'll get some iodine.
Iodine burns. Get Mercurochrome.
You've got a lot of nerve.
[barks]
Now you listen to me!
[barks]
Okay, Daddy,
this'll fix you right up.
I can't understand
why he bit me.
I love dogs.
How big a hole did he make?
Oh, the outside
skin is barely broken.
Feels like that killer
severed an artery.
Oh, the bleeding
has already stopped.
Where did he come from anyway?
I don't know. He
followed me home.
There. Now that'll be okay.
Now don't you worry.
Daddy, I really
got to get going.
Hi. Anyone for lunch?
Hello, Mr. Marie.
Since when do you have a
key to my daughter's apartment?
Since five seconds ago.
Honey, you left the
key in the door again.
I have a very
important audition.
I'm kinda in a hurry.
Good luck. Dinner
tonight. Yeah, great.
What happened to
your ankle, Mr. Marie?
It was torn to shreds
by a ferocious dog.
What dog?
I don't know. It was
a friend of Ann's.
Uh... Well, that ankle
doesn't look too bad.
It looked a lot better
before he bit me.
I suppose I should consider
myself lucky I wasn't sitting down.
He'd have gone for my throat.
Or he might have
been a bigger dog.
Or he might have
been rabid, or he...
Rabid? What do you mean rabid?
[chuckles] I... I was
just being facetious.
Never mind what you were being.
What do you mean by rabid?
Well, you know,
rabies, hydrophobia.
Are you telling me that that
dog might have had hydrophobia?
No, sir. I was just
trying to make a joke.
What kind of a joke is that?
Well, I was only attempting
to make you feel better.
Do you know what
happens to a man
who's bitten by a
dog with hydrophobia?
He goes out of his mind.
He runs around howling at people
and eating out of garbage cans.
Okay, I really got
to get going now.
What time tonight,
Donald? Oh, 7:00-7:30.
Fine. Bye, Daddy. [groans]
What's the matter?
I'm getting dizzy
and my mouth is dry.
I... I was just making a joke,
and your father took
me too seriously is all.
What sort of a joke, Donald?
I've got rabies.
How's that for a laugh?
You told Daddy he has rabies?
No, I didn't. He just assumed.
Assumed nothing.
You said it was possible.
Donald, did you
say it was possible?
Honey, anything's possible.
Well, Donald, how could you
even suggest such a silly thing?
Will you stop arguing
and call a doctor?
But, Daddy... Wait... Wait
a minute. Wait a minute.
We're all being
unnecessarily emotional.
I'd like to inject
a note of reason.
Fine... but call a
doctor at the same time.
Okay, Daddy, if it'll
make you feel better.
[clears throat]
Mr. Marie... [chuckles]
Mr. Marie, rabid dogs are very hard to
come by in the heart of New York City,
and if you did find one,
there would probably be
some indication of the disease.
You know, foaming
at the mouth...
This dog had foam
all over his face.
That was milk, Daddy.
Besides, he'd show some
sort of erratic behavior.
He bit my leg. Is that
the act of a rational dog?
May I please speak
with Dr. Priddy?
Mr. Marie... Mr. Marie,
the simple solution
would be to turn the dog
over to the ASPCA for tests.
That way, you'd be
absolutely certain.
Well, why doesn't
somebody do it?
I'd be happy to. Where is he?
I don't know. He ran
out of the apartment.
Well, could you
reach him, please?
Yes, this is Ann Marie.
It's very important.
Yes, I'll hold.
Ahem. Ann?
Ann, do you have any idea
where I might find the dog?
No. I never saw that
dog before today.
Well, I'm gonna have a look
around the neighborhood.
What do you need the dog for?
Because there's one sure way
to put your father's
mind at ease
and that's by turning the dog
over to the authorities for tests.
Oh, hello. Dr. Priddy?
Yes, this is Ann Marie.
Oh, I'm just fine, thank
you. It's my father.
Well, he's over visiting me,
and he's had an accident.
Yes, a dog bit him.
I'm... I'm dizzy,
and my mouth is dry.
He's a little dizzy,
and his mouth is dry.
Oh, that'd be wonderful,
Doctor. Thank you.
Oh, thank you so much.
I really appreciate
it. Good-bye.
Uh, Mr. Marie, what
did the dog look like?
I can't remember
anything but teeth.
Daddy, the doctor's on
a call not far from here.
He'll come over on his
way back to the office.
What are we supposed
to do in the meantime?
Well, if he said that if
you're dizzy, sit down.
And if you're dry in the
mouth, have a glass of water.
Wonderful. It certainly is comforting to
know that you're in such capable hands.
Ann, what did the dog look like?
I'm gonna try and find him.
Well, he's brown and white,
and he has cute little
ears, and a big bushy tail...
Ann, for heaven's sake!
I'll find him. You take it easy.
I'll be right back. Okay.
[telephone rings]
Hello? Oh, hi, Harry.
Yeah, I know I'm late,
but something's happened.
Is that the doctor?
No, it's my agent.
My father was bitten by a dog.
Well, I know Mr. Princefeld's
got a thing about punctuality,
but I've got a thing
about my father.
And he could have a
very severe case of rabies!
Well, I really don't care.
You can just tell
him anything you like.
But don't let him give
the part to anybody else.
Miss Marie,
is this what you
call an accident?
I didn't know
what else to call it.
You should have been here to
see how excited everybody was.
That's nothing more
than a tiny skin puncture.
How big a hole does
a rabies germ need?
Who said anything about rabies?
[Lou] I did. Why?
Well, it all started
out as sort of a joke.
What's funny about rabies?
That what I said.
Since you've opened
the can of peas,
any breaking of the skin
is sufficient for infection.
Daddy, will you please
stop talking about rabies?
We have no proof
that dog was rabid.
What dog?
The one with the
crazy look in his eyes
and the foam on his mouth...
who bit me and ran away.
You're kidding.
Daddy, that was milk.
Maybe it was milk...
but maybe it wasn't.
Did you report this to
the Health Department?
Well, no. You see,
Donald, my boyfriend,
he went off to find the
dog, and I called you...
Where's the phone?
Doctor, do you
really think that...
I'm a doctor, Miss Marie.
There are times we
can't afford to think.
We have to act.
[door buzzer] Oh, excuse me.
Hi, Donald Any luck? Not a sign.
I guess he's lapping
up a bowl of milk
in some other kindhearted
lady's apartment.
Anyway, I got a
search organized.
The doctor?
Yes, he's calling the
Health Department.
Priddy.
Dr. Phillip L. Priddy.
P-R-I-double-D-Y.
No, we're not totally
certain, but, uh,
there's no sense
taking any chances
with the security of a city.
Well, it isn't necessary
to alarm anyone.
No, I haven't spoken
with the newspaper.
Should I?
Well, if you do, it's P-R-I...
[click, dial tone]
Doctor Priddy, I'd like you to
meet my boyfriend Donald Hollinger.
How do you do?
The city's sending
over an investigator.
Is there anything we
can do in the meantime?
Find the dog.
Well, Doctor, what if we
can't find the dog... ever?
Then I will have to administer the Pasteur
anti-rabies vaccine series to your father.
And that'll be
followed by a lot of...
television interviews
and write-ups.
[telephone rings] Hello?
Oh, Harry!
Listen, Harry, I'm sorry,
but I just can't leave now.
Well, what would you do if you
were me and your father had rabies?
I don't believe you.
Your own father?
Clients come first?
Yes, Harry, that sort of
loyalty is very touching.
Look, would you
just tell Mr. Princefeld
that I'll be there
as soon as I can?
Thank you so much,
Harry. I appreciate it. Bye.
Ann, honey, look,
why don't you go?
Everything that can
be done is being done.
I've offered a dollar a dog for
any stray that fits the description.
The doctor is here.
And the odds against your father
having rabies are a million to one.
Why one? What do you mean?
Why not a million to nothing?
Well, honey, because to be complete
truthful and mathematically accurate,
there has to be
some speck of doubt.
Well, I just can't take that
kind of a chance, Donald.
What chance?
Nine times out
of 10 I lose a job
that's "a million
to one I'll get it."
What? Don't tell me
about mathematics.
Mathematics never works.
[door buzzer]
Miss Ann Marie? Yes, sir.
I'm Ketchum from the
Department of Animal Bites.
Oh, certainly. Please come in.
This is Mr. Hollinger
of Newsview magazine.
Oh. Then it is rabies.
No, sir. I'm here unofficially.
Oh. Where's the victim?
Oh, please don't say that.
Don't say what? "The victim."
It sounds so final,
doesn't it, Donald?
Yes. Yes, it does.
I'm sorry.
Where's the, uh, bite-ee?
He's my father. His
name is Lou Marie,
and he's right in the bedroom.
Excuse me. Hmm.
Ketchum, Department
of Animal Bites.
Dr. Phillip L. Priddy.
P-R-I-double-D-Y.
Sounds about right.
How is he, Doctor?
Reasonably comfortable.
Say, did you, uh, say you
were with Newsview magazine?
Uh, yes. Yes, I am.
Well, you may say...
that everything that can
be done is being done.
This is a time of...
vigil, patience, faith.
In my experience, I've seen
several cases comparable to this one.
One was in 1962.
Did you want to get
any of this down?
Uh, no, no, no. I'm not here
on a professional capacity.
I'm just a friend of
the family's. Nice.
Doctor, please,
tell me the truth.
Suppose we can't find the dog.
It's a million to one against
the dog having rabies.
I think I better tell you, Doctor,
that's not very comforting.
Miss Marie, even if
the dog were rabid,
the vaccine offers an excellent
chance of complete recovery.
Oh.
Doctor, would you
please translate that?
An excellent chance
of complete recovery...
into odds... medically speaking.
Better than 50-50.
Really? Oh, that's wonderful!
Oh, thank you, Doctor!
You feel better?
Well, I do now.
A million to one is not nearly
as good as "better than 50-50..."
nine times out of 10.
Dave...
how can you expect
the girl to leave now?
I know you work
when you're sick.
But how many David
Princefeld's are there in this world?
The vaccine's on its way.
I want you to know I've cancelled
all other calls and consultations,
and I've turned over my office
appointments to another doctor.
Thank you, Doctor.
However, I may
slip out for a haircut.
Oh, certainly.
Of course, David. Right, David.
[door buzzer] I
understand, David.
Oh, hello, boys.
Where's the guy who's
looking for the stray dogs?
He's out looking for stray dogs.
We've brung you three
dogs, and we want $3.00.
Oh. Well...
I don't know if
these dogs qualify.
Ann, can I see you for a minute?
Oh, yes. Come on in, guys.
Just excuse me for one minute.
Thank you.
What's the matter, Harry?
Princefeld can't wait past 3:00.
[telephone rings]
What time is it now?
It's, uh, 20 after one.
Maybe I can still make it.
Well, if you can, you can,
and if you can't, you can't.
I'm sorry, Harry.
I know how much my getting
this part has meant to you.
It's my luck.
Do you have any skim milk?
I think so.
Please. Body temperature.
Your office called.
These are your messages
listed in order of anger.
Actors!
The vaccine's on its way by
special messenger, just in case.
Oh, fine.
Is it very painful?
It's not bad... but it
won't be a pleasure.
Oh, I see.
Doctor, why don't you go inside
and explain the whole
thing to my father?
Just to kind of
prepare him for it.
I'll do what I can.
Thank you.
Listen, you haven't been
off my mind for a minute.
Wonderful hearing
your voice again.
Oh, the reason I haven't
returned your calls?
Uh... I'm still in Miami Beach!
[door buzzer]
I know exactly how you feel.
[buzzer continues]
Right! Of course!
And I don't blame
you for being angry.
Yes! Absolutely! [dog barks]
Look, I swear to you,
I haven't been out of this
hotel room since I arrived.
Here's your milk.
You hear that? Room service.
Here's one for you...
and a buck for you.
Did you check these three out?
Yeah, they're not even close.
Okay, men, thanks.
Wanna keep the
dogs? You paid for 'em.
No, thank you.
Okay, men, get out
there any try again.
Search the whole
neighborhood. [dog barks]
Come on, you can
do it. Get out there.
I called the office and explained
why I haven't been in all day.
Oh, I'm sorry, Donald.
I don't want you
to get in trouble.
Look, you go. I'm fine.
On the contrary.
They want me to stick around,
and they're sending
a photographer.
Get away from me, I tell you!
I don't care what you say!
No! No! Over my dead body!
You don't come near me
with one of those things!
Mr. Marie, a hypodermic
needle isn't gonna kill you.
It could make me faint!
Now, Daddy, please!
The doctor's only
trying to help you.
He doesn't know
a thing about me.
I have a very sensitive body.
Daddy, illness is no
excuse for rudeness.
If illness isn't, what is?
No needles!
[all talking]
Quiet! Please! Quiet!
It's a fight about your billing.
[door buzzer]
Ann Marie live
here? Yes, that's right.
My name is Bounder.
I'm from Newsview.
Oh, how are you? I'm Hollinger.
How are you? What's
the scene here?
Well, nothing as
dramatic as they think.
Miss Marie's father
has been bitten by a dog.
Is he dead?
No. That's him on the couch.
He looks okay. He is okay.
Then what did they
want me to shoot?
I don't know.
Is there a Dr. Priddy here?
I'm Priddy.
I'm from the medical center.
I have your rabies
vaccine. Thank you.
Rabies vaccine?
Yeah. Well, you see,
it started as a joke.
Who are you?
I'm Bounder from
Newsview. Who are you?
Dr. Phillip L. Priddy.
P-R-I-double-D-Y.
I'm the, uh,
physician in charge.
Oh. Well, let's get a shot of you
and the messenger together, Doctor.
Uh, you be taking the serum.
Who are you?
Ketchum, Department
of Animal Bites.
A-N-I-M-A-L bites.
Anybody got anything
going back uptown?
Daddy, do you want
me to call Mother?
No, no, no. Don't do that.
She get all upset, drive down
here and have an accident.
And if there's one thing
I don't need right now,
it's to have my automobile
insurance cancelled.
[door buzzer]
Oh, hi. Come on in, fellas.
Come on. Come right in here.
We'll have a look
right here. Atta boy.
Ann? Ann, we have
some more dogs.
Excuse me, Daddy.
Thank you.
Here we are.
Now, does that look
like it would hurt?
Why do you have to give
it to me with a needle?
Why can't I take
it in orange juice?
Ann, how about these? No.
None of them? No. I'm sorry.
Okay, here you go.
Thank you very much.
Keep looking. Here you
are. Here's your dollar.
Thank you very much.
Here's your dollar.
Keep looking, boys.
How about that
one? Look. You sure?
Okay, here you go. There
you go. Thanks very much.
Keep looking.
Here? No.
Here you go. Keep looking, boys.
[growling]
[barks]
I distinctly said small, brown
and white, and a bushy tail.
No dollar. Oh, Donald!
For heaven's sake!
Here, sweetheart.
We very much appreciate
your sincere effort.
Look for a small one,
about 1/3 of that size.
Ann, I have some great news.
Princefeld's gonna
give me the part?
No, I was just
talking to the doctor.
The incubation period
for rabies is 20 days.
So, you can have your
audition, open out of town,
and still be back
in plenty of time.
Oh, forget it.
Something tells me that's
just not gonna work out.
Okay, okay.
Ann. Ann, sweetheart.
It takes a big man
to admit he's wrong.
Well, I'm admitting it.
Wrong about what, Daddy?
This whole business started
out as a casual comment,
and I made a big deal about it.
Hollinger, you were right.
It is a superficial
scratch, and well...
it was a perfectly healthy dog.
Well, Mr. Marie, in all honesty,
I never said it was a
perfectly healthy dog.
Actually, I never even
saw the dog at all.
Yeah, but... but
you laughed about it.
You... You said you
were only making a joke.
That's right, Donald.
You did say that.
I know I did, but a lot
has happened since then.
It's time.
Will you please tell this man
to take that needle away?
Mr. Marie, I can't take
that kind of responsibility.
What's the matter?
Are you yellow?
You're asking me to
gamble with your life.
Well, I certainly am not
gonna gamble with it!
Never mind!
[all talking]
Now look, I've changed my mind.
[all talking]
[barking]
Daddy, look!
That's him! Her! It!
Is this the place where
you get a buck a dog?
Yes. Yes, it is!
Oh, my gosh! Are
we glad to see you!
Just a minute, lady.
Not that one, this one.
That one's mine. He's yours?
Are you sure? I mean,
you're not just saying that.
How come he's been running
around without his tags?
Collar's too big,
keeps on falling off.
Daddy, look! He's
had his rabies shots.
I'm a little dizzy.
Oh, Daddy. Everything's fine.
You're gonna be all right.
Everything's fine now.
Donald, pay the boy $2.00.
Doctor, I'm a little dizzy.
I heard you.
Sit down before you
fall and hurt someone.
Well, you want me to
file this report on the bite?
I certainly do.
It'll go on the dog's record.
[barks]
Please, mister. He's
been clean up 'til now.
Okay.
I'll forget it if he will.
Thanks, mister!
Well, good-bye, everybody.
It's been a pleasure.
If you happen to
get bitten again,
don't hesitate to call.
Good-bye, Miss Marie.
Good-bye. Thank you so much.
Donald, what time is it?
Uh, 20 to three.
[gasps] Harry!
I might still have time!
Hurry up! Grab a
coat! One second!
Say, uh, what are you
gonna do with the pictures?
I'm gonna throw them
away. They're worthless.
Uh, could I get three glossies
with the needle like this
and three more
with the serum like...
Hollinger, I'm going
home and lie down.
Tell Ann I'll see
her in a few days.
Well, you think you
ought to go back so soon?
What do you mean?
Well, you said you
were dizzy before.
It's a long drive back, and
you might have accide...
Forget it. Forget it.
Good-bye.
Make that "good afternoon."
Hurry! Okay, okay!
Listen, your father said
he'd see you in a few days.
Thanks, Donald.
I gotta get back to the office.
I'll see you later. Bye!
Anybody got anything
going uptown?
Listen, to tell you the truth,
I don't care that you
didn't get the part.
Harry!
Neither the part nor the
play is as good as you think.
But you said...
You wanted me to leave
my father who was sick.
You made it sound
as if it was the best,
the most important thing
that could ever happen.
Yes, I did.
You mean you just
deliberately lied to her? I did.
Is that what you call integrity?
Just a moment.
Lying is business.
A Princefeld play
can't hurt you.
Integrity is opening night
when I come backstage
and say, "I didn't like it."
Oh. Oh, I see.
Well, one way or another,
I'm still out of a job.
Have you ever
considered nightclubs?
What would I do in a nightclub?
You could do an act.
We already have an act.
Excellent!
What do you do?
None of your business.
♪♪ [theme]
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, Ca