That Girl (1966–1971): Season 3, Episode 15 - The Eye of the Beholder - full transcript

Ann receives a delivery from an art store of an abstract sculpture. She believes the delivery is in error since there is no card and she didn't buy it. Regardless, she hates it, she likening it to a lump of brass mashed potatoes. She tells Donald her feelings about the sculpture, he who in turn tells her it is a gift from him. He felt like it figuratively "screamed Ann". Outwardly, Ann changes her tune about the sculpture because it was given to her not only with love but with her specifically in mind. However, as Ann starts defending the sculpture to others, it causes a riff between Jerry and Ruthie, between Ann and her father, and between Ann and her landlords, the Brentanos. Will the sculpture come to any good at all?

"Cramer Art Shop."

There's gotta be a card.

"Cramer Art Shop."

Yeech!

Oh, hello.

This is Ann Marie,
344 West 78th Street.

Yes. Well, I had a package
today delivered from your store,

and there must be some
mistake somewhere.

Well, uh, it's...
It's an art object.

But that's just a
layman's opinion.

Well, it's... it's gold,



and it's... twisted
and... and lumpy.

Sort of like brass
mashed potatoes.

No, of course I didn't!

I've never seen it before. I've
never even been in your store.

To whom am I speaking?

Well, Mr. Cramer, will you please
stop insisting that this is mine?

If you'll just check
your... [door buzzer]

Oh, just a minute, please,
Someone's at the door.

Thank you.

Oh, hi, Donald.

Oh, wait a minute.
Somebody's on the phone.

Hello, Mr. Cramer.

Look, Mr. Cramer,

I... I'm sure if you'll
look into your files,



you'll discover your mistake.

No. I did not
order an art object.

And if I did, it
certainly wouldn't be

that ridiculous piece of junk.

No, there is no card. I looked.

Mr. Cramer, there is no
card. I've already looked.

Uh... Hi. Mr. Cramer?

The funniest thing
just happened.

You'll never guess.

That's it.

Yes. It was my
mistake all along.

Well, thank you very
much for your trouble.

Bye.

You?

Why?

Well, I was passing
by the art store...

and it caught my eye.

And it just seemed
to scream out at me.

"Look at me. I'm that girl."

♪♪ [theme]

Donald, it's... it's such a...

it... it's such a... surprise.

I had no idea.

I hoped you'd like it.

It's... it's really
very... well...

It's... it's very... hard
to put into words.

Well, you were doing
just fine a minute ago.

Oh, a minute ago I
made a snap judgment.

But now that I'm
taking the time...

You know, it
screams. It really does.

If it didn't scream a minute
ago, it can't scream now.

Oh, Donald, it was screaming
all the time. I just wasn't listening.

Oh, honey, be honest. You
don't have to spare my feelings.

Your feeling have
nothing to do with this.

Now that I'm taking the
time and really looking at it

and listening...

I can understand why it
would make you think of me.

Why?

Well, for one thing,
it... it's got... fat hips.

It has no fat. It has no hips.

It has a feeling. That's
all you get from it.

Well, for a minute there,
I got a feeling of fat hips.

It has strength and a feeling
of firmness, determination.

And charm and imagination.

And warmth and understanding.

And pride... and compassion
for the underprivileged.

I think you've gone too far.

I have not. It's precious.

It's come a long way from
"a ridiculous piece of junk."

Donald, what a
terrible thing to say!

I didn't say that, you did.

Well, that was before I
knew you bought it for me.

Don't you see, Donald?

This represents how
you feel about me.

My good points...
and my bad points.

What bad points?

Well, you said firmness
and determination.

What's bad about that?

Well, they're not very feminine.

All I meant was... it has form.

The angles here
being in direct contrast

to the simple linear fusion
with a massively powerful base.

Well, that's not
very flattering.

Ann, it isn't the
look, remember?

It's the feeling.

Well, it's beginning to
feel stupid and untalented.

That's it. It's going back.

No, no, it isn't. I
forbid it. It's staying.

Why? Why would you want
to have anything around here

that makes you feel
untalented and stupid?

Because it's a gift from you.

But, honey, that's
just plain stu... See?

Anyway, you've taught me
a powerful lesson, Donald.

And I want to keep it around

so that it'll remind
me of my faults.

Ann, you're missing
the whole point of the gift.

It's not a punishment.
[door buzzer]

Hi. Hi. Hi!

We heard loud talking,
thought you were having a party.

Oh, no. We were just
discussing something.

Well, maybe we could help.

I know lots of times Ruthie
and I have loud discussions,

which can really benefit

from having kind of
a neutral observer.

With a little bit more objective
point of view, you know.

Well, thanks, but in this
case it's not worth the trouble.

Trouble? For Pete's sake.

What are friends for?

Uh, Jerry, please don't do that.

Huh? Do what?

Your pipe.

Don't clean it
against my... object.

Object?

Jerry, this is an art object.

I thought it was a spittoon.

Jerry! For heaven's sake!

How could you talk like that?

Ruth, there's nothing
wrong with that.

They've heard the
word "spittoon" before.

[laughs] So grow
up, will you, please?

I'm awfully sorry, Ann.

Oh, Ruthie, don't be silly.

Jerry didn't mean it.
That's just the point.

I'm married to a man who can't
tell a work of art from a spittoon.

Here it comes. The
Culture Appreciation Hour.

[Ruthie] Don't be
crass. Crass? Me?

Gentleman Jerry Bauman.

Look, let's just forget it.

Anybody can tell that's a cow.

Uh, Donald bought it, you know,

because it reminded him of me.

A very beautiful cow.

Did you hear that? Life
is one big nursery rhyme.

What do you mean by that?

Isn't it obvious?

Hey diddle diddle,
cat and the fiddle.

The cow jumped over the moon.

I'm a child!

"I'm a child."

That's Mr. Finesse talking.

I think what you two need
about now is a neutral observer.

Yeah, with an
objective point of view.

Uh, just a minute. Hold it!

Just what does that supposed
to mean? Mr. Finesse?

Did you ever go to a party
where you didn't spill a drink?

Yes. Is that a direct
enough for you, child?

This is getting out
of hand. I think so.

Hey, listen, why don't we
all have ourselves a drink?

He'll only spill it.

[Ann] Where are you going?

I am going where taste and
refinement are not dirty words.

I'm going to my mother's.

You're not going anywhere
without permission!

Oh. Did I forget to say "may I?"

May I?

Seven giant steps should do.

Oh, I better got talk to her.

You stay with Donald.

What's the matter with
her? What did I say?

[door closes] Well, old pal...

I think we better get some air.

Now, the problem is
you both overreacted.

Jerry... there's
a wise old saying

about getting more
flies with honey.

Oh, hello, Mr. Brentano.

[Italian accent] Hello.
Miss Marie, she's home?

Uh, well, no, no. She's
in with Mrs. Bauman.

I was supposed
to fix the radiator.

Well, uh, sir, you just go in
and make yourself at home.

We'll be right back.

Jerry, old buddy,

let me tell you a little
something about women.

And that's a very important
little something about women.

Jerry, I want
you to go in there,

and I want you to tell Ruth.

Ann, how is she?
Is she still, um...

She's "still," but
she's mellowing.

Yeah? She stopped packing.

Well, she's getting some sense.

But she hasn't
started unpacking.

So from here on in,
you're on your own.

Honey.

What did he call
you? It's not important.

Is Ruth okay?
Yeah, shell be fine.

You wanna hear a good joke?
I could use one about now.

It's more blessed to
give than to receive.

Well, that's true, at
least most of the time.

You know, all the time
I kept thinking to myself

"Should I buy it
or should I not?"

What made you decide?

Just the thought of exposing you
to some of the finer things of life.

You mean I have no culture?

What?

Are you trying to
tell me that that...

Where is it? Where's what?

It was right here
on the counter!

Now it's gone!

I mean, where
could it possibly be?

Take it easy. It's gotta
be here somewhere.

Somebody must have taken it.

Who would have
done such a thing?

Probably somebody
leading a dull life.

[clanking]

Donald, it's nowhere in there!

[door buzzer] I'll get that.

Oh, I feel just terrible.

If it's lost, I'll die.
If what's lost?

Well, it couldn't
have just walked off.

Maybe it's on the...
Excuse me, Daddy.

Maybe it's under the couch.

We were nowhere near the couch.

Thank heaven for small favors.

In the bedroom.

Uh, you look. I'll wait here.

Every time I come in here, there's
some kind of a crisis going on.

Did it ever occur to you two

that you might not be
right for each other?

[door buzzer] I'll get it.

How's the heat? Cold.

Who is that? That's
Mr. Brentano, my landlord.

Oh, Donald, this is
terrible. Where could it be?

Have you looked on the shelf?

Maybe if you described it to me.

It's uh... It's uh...

Well, it's gold, and
it's on a black base,

and it has a... That's it!

Oh, Mr. Brentano, thank you!

Where did you find it?

In the bedroom.

I used it to prop
the window open.

To prop the window open?

You used this work of
art to prop open a window?

Is this what you
were looking for?

What did you think it was?

Something broken.

Mr. Brentano, this is
obviously a very significant

and a very expensive
piece of artwork.

Who broke it?

Nobody broke
it. It isn't broken.

You've made a
mistake. You see...

Oh, it doesn't really
matter. Now we found it.

I don't make
mistake. I'm Italian.

Leonardo da Vinci's Italian.

Botticelli's Italian.
Raffaello is Italian.

And I've seen
plenty art objects.

But this?

This is something broken.

Yes, well...

obviously, you just don't know
much about this kind of art.

Do you need anything else?

Uh, no, thank you.

How do you like that?

Well... I'll take that, Daddy.

Where did you get
this dirty thing? Daddy!

It's a nightmare, that's
what it is. It's a nightmare.

What's dirty about it?

I refuse to discuss it.

You're just not used to
seeing abstract art, that's all.

Abstract? Modern.

I know what abstract means.

We have those words in Brewster.

We're not all country bumpkins.

All I meant was you don't
see things like this in Brewster.

You bet your sweet
patootie you don't.

Brewster's a decent community.

Daddy, I don't see
anything dirty about it.

Of course not.

Stuff like this doesn't
shock you anymore.

Not the big-city girl.

Remember those things you
thought were exciting in Brewster?

Guess they seem
pretty dull to you now.

Daddy, that is not true.

Well, I... I won't
keep you any longer.

I just dropped by in case
my little girl might be lonely.

Oh, Daddy, that's very
sweet, and I appreciate it.

Isn't that sweet, Donald?

Uh, certainly is.

Ann, if you don't mind a
completely objective opinion,

I think you should take
that piece of pornography

and toss it in the garbage can.

If I had showed up here
today empty-handed,

would you have
thought less of me?

Never.

If I had arrived with
only a smile on my lips

and a song in my heart,

would you have slammed
the door in my face?

Of course not.

Then why did I buy that thing?

Oh, Donald.

You mustn't be like that.

Buying it for me was the sweetest,
most wonderful, generous gesture.

Letting anybody else see
it was the only mistake.

[door buzzer]

Oh, hello, Mrs. Brentano.

[Italian accent] You
banged, Miss Marie?

Oh, yes. I thought maybe if I
hit the radiator with a whack

it might whack
back with some heat.

But no luck.

It's still chilly up here.

Chilly? As in North Pole.

But my husband was here
yesterday fixing the pipes.

Could you ask him to
please come up again?

I could always ask.

But, uh, he's not too
anxious to come back.

Why on earth not?

He don't care too much
for remarks about his taste.

His taste?

Oh, that! Oh!

Oh, Mrs. Brentano,
you've got to understand,

that was just a little
misunderstanding.

You see, what happened was

he mistook this art
object for a piece of junk.

So? Well...

the person, a
very dear person...

Actually a gentleman of
whom I'm deeply fond...

Who bought me the art object,

was standing right there.

So I had to say something.

And besides, I
didn't say very much.

I mean, all I said
was that perhaps

Mr. Brentano's
experience with art

was somewhat...
limited, you know...

of another time
and another... place.

Andigo know art.

Oh, Mrs. Brentano, I'm
really sorry I said what I did,

but... Well, I just couldn't this
very dear person's feelings.

Mr. Brentano has feelings, too.

[door closes]

[door buzzer] Oh,
Mr. Brentano, I'm so... Ruthie!

Jerry left for work this morning
without even a good-bye.

I couldn't sleep a wink.

Oh, for heaven's sake.
Don't worry about that.

He'll probably call later and
say good-bye on the telephone.

Ann, a telephone good-bye from
your husband means he's leaving you.

Oh, now that's silly.

No, it, isn't.

What's silly is
how easily I forgot.

Forgot what?

Jerry has wonderful qualities.

Actually, he drinks a
lot more than he spills.

I'm a very lucky woman.

Well, I think you're both lucky.

And so he isn't perfect. Who is?

Not very many
people, fortunately.

Who could stand
to live with them?

So you should be very happy with
your Jerry, as imperfect as he is.

And maybe I should try to
be more imperfect myself!

Couldn't hurt.

[doorbell rings] It's open.

Hi there. For me?

Ha ha! For you it's
always chocolates.

These are for Ruth.

What's the occasion?

The occasion is that
fancy spittoon or cow

or whatever it is
you bought Ann.

Jerry, for the last time,

that is neither a
spittoon nor a cow,

Oh, I don't care
if it's a shoehorn.

Whatever it is, it's made me do
some hard, constructive thinking.

Well, I am extremely
happy to be responsible

for making you do
any thinking at all.

I mean about Ruth
and women in general.

That is hard thinking.

I'm telling you. Don...

when you start evaluating
all the dames in this world,

all the smart-alecks
and grabby types,

a little nursery rhyme is
like a breath of fresh air.

Who can a poem hurt, you know?

I don't know.

All I know is "only
God can make a tree."

Yeah.

Hello. Mrs. Brentano.

Mrs. Brentano, would
you tell Mr. Brentano

that the heat's
coming up okay now.

I mean, it's enough.

And also that the
window sash is broken.

[door buzzer] Thank you. Bye.

Oh, hi, Daddy.

I can't believe my eyes.

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm not gonna leave it here.

It's just that I haven't found

the right place for it yet.

And let's face it, you
wouldn't like this piece

no matter where I put it.

I meant I can't believe
my eyes that you're alone.

Where's the
great giver of gifts?

He found a home of his own?

Oh, Daddy.

Actually, I came to apologize.

Well, you've certainly
made a great start.

I'm trying to say I'm
sorry... and it's not easy.

It's also not necessary.

Well, it suddenly occurred to me

that maybe I am getting
narrow in my viewpoint.

Narrow? Not you, Daddy.

Anything's possible.

Just as it's possible that
you're growing in yours.

Well, thank you, Daddy.

You broadened your horizons.

You haven't been afraid
to seek out new knowledge,

new, strange experiences.

Yeah, well, new, strange
experiences have a way of finding me.

Whichever. You've always been...

Isn't it a little warm
in here? I know.

I've been begging
Mr. Brentano for heat.

Now it's pouring in.

Now, where was I?

Something about new, strange
experiences and new horizons.

Yes, and you've made the most of
your imagination and your intelligence.

Did I mention
that? Well, just now.

That's when it hit me.

Well, after all, Daddy,
I am your daughter.

My thought exactly.

And all that I am and
all that I hope to be,

I owe to you... and
a little bit to Mother.

Why not? Give the devil his due.

Well, you know what I mean.

Anyway, that's all
I wanted to tell you.

Thank you, Daddy. Bye.

Keep up the search for
newer and brighter things.

In the meantime, maybe you
can put that in a dark corner.

[laughs]

[door buzzer]

Oh, Mr. Brentano.

You banged again, Miss Marie?

Mr. Brentano,

this whole thing is
getting a little ridiculous.

I hope it is not too
hot for you, huh?

Well, it hasn't triggered the
automatic sprinkler system yet.

You want more?

Mrs. Brentano,

will you please tell
him that I'm sorry?

And that he's a
wonderful landlord,

and he has great taste.

And he certainly knows his art.

She's sorry.

That's what you say.

No, that's what I say.

I'm sorry, Mr. Brentano.

You're welcome.

I'm going to fix the
heat. Oh, thank you!

I'll take this in the bedroom.

Excuse me.

That was nice. What was nice?

She apologized.

Uh-huh. You know why
she apologized? Why?

Because she realized
that it look more

like something to prop up
her window than an art object.

What? That!

This? Mhmm.

[laughs]

This here?

I thought this was
something broken.

It's nice to know that I
haven't lost my touch.

Oh. Ha ha!

Uh, these are for
Ann, Mrs. Brentano.

You know I always
bring you chocolates.

Whew. Isn't it
awfully warm in here?

My husband, he's
fixing the heat.

She's all right now.

Ohh! Beautiful flowers.

Look, Rosa. Come here.

Marigolds, carnations,
lily of the valley.

Hey, you really
know your flowers.

I know what I like.

Now, you tell the miss,

not to touch the
radiator anymore,

and that I'll be back
tomorrow for the window, eh?

Come on, Rosa. Come on.

Donald, I didn't hear you.

Well, there's
been a lot of traffic.

Oh, Donald, they're beautiful.

Thank you.

Why?

Well, for one thing,
they're beautiful,

natural, colorful,
pungent, and feminine.

And that screams you more
than any art object in the world.

Oh, Donald.

Pungent?

Oh, honey, let's
not start that again.

Oh, I love them.

And I think that I'm
dating the most wonderful

and the most thoughtful
person in the entire universe.

Universe? That
covers a lot of territory.

The world isn't nearly
big enough anymore.

Oh, and I love the
sculpture, too, Donald.

Mostly because it's... it's
taught us all something.

That everybody
sees things differently.

And in seeing
things differently,

we all learned that
nothing is the same.

And thanks to... whatever it is,

I think... I think
everybody has learned

to tolerate himself and
herself a little better.

Not to mention each other...

Or themselves... or ourselves.

Well, I hope Jerry and Ruth have
come to as clear an understanding.

Oh, they have!

And they're closer
than ever now.

And all because you had the
good sense and the great taste

to buy that art object
in the first place.

You know, no matter
what I expect of you,

somehow you always surprise me.

Well, that's nice, isn't it?

Very nice.

And wasn't it all
worth a hundred times

the $20 or $30 you spent on it?

$20 or $30?

Honey, this thing cost me 97.50.

You're kidding.

Who kids about 97.50?

Donald, you're gonna have
to promise me something.

Okay, what?

If you're ever walking
down the street again

and anything screams at you,

you're to pay
absolutely no attention.

Okay.

Unless, of course, it's me.

♪♪ [theme]

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
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