That Girl (1966–1971): Season 2, Episode 5 - The Apartment - full transcript
Ann is being temporarily evicted from her apartment as they fumigate for termites. The timing is bad for Ann as she just got a part-time telemarketing job which means she needs to work from home, but conversely good for her solution as Donald lets her stay at his apartment while he's away on business. As Ann settles into Donald's apartment, who she finds already there is Harry Banner, an old fraternity friend of Donald's, who expected both Donald to be there and Donald's apartment as a place to crash as he had an open invitation from Donald to visit. Despite Donald assuring Ann that Harry's wisecracking and sometimes sexual innuendo laced ways are just his way of showing his approval, Ann isn't sure if she can trust Harry or if she even likes him. But with no hotel rooms to be had in New York for Harry, Ann and Harry have to try to make the best of their situation together.
Uh, yes.
Now, have you looked
for work this past week?
I don't look for
work, I'm an actor.
I have an agent
who looks for me.
Who's your agent?
Ann Marie? Ann Marie?
Uh, right here!
Are you Ann Marie?
No, no.
That girl.
♪♪
Now I've heard
everything: I've got termites.
Well, it's not noticeable.
Are you Ann Marie?
Yes, I am.
Personally, I don't think
there's enough wood
in that whole building
to keep a termite alive.
Ann, the lady.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Would you come with me, please?
Yes.
It's just a little disconcerting
to find out that
your apartment's
being eaten out from under you.
How's this for the
switch of all times?
They got me a job.
Ann, this is the
department of employment,
not the unemployment office.
You know, I went through
the whole explanation
of where I worked last
and how I was an actress.
I mean, really working
and trying to be an actress.
And the next thing I know,
she mentions something
about a part-time
non-acting job.
So I said I didn't mind
working at a non-acting job.
I mean, it's a lot better than
just sitting around collecting,
but that I would appreciate
it if she referred to me
as an actress doing a
part-time non-acting job,
rather than a part-time actress.
Well, what kind of
job did they get you?
Research marketing.
You can do it right at home.
All you have to
do is call people up
and ask them what they
prefer in electrical appliances,
for a $1.85 an hour.
That's $35.15 a day if
I only sleep five hours.
How lucky can you get?
If you dialing finger holds out,
you're going to
be a millionaire.
Maybe you don't appreciate
it, but the gas company will.
Gas company?
They said they'd
appreciate it if I pay my bills.
I firmly believe that the building
management has no legal position.
Honey, what does it say exactly?
Well, it says that I have
to be out by this afternoon.
I'm being evicted.
Got to get rid of people before
you can get rid of termites.
Hello, operator?
Operator, could I have
operator 41 in St. Louis, please.
Yes, a Mr. Harry Banner.
What am I going to do, Donald?
Now I have to
forget about the job.
I can't do it out
in the streets.
Calm down, honey.
You can stay at my place.
Hello? Yeah, I'd like
Harry Banner, please.
This is Donald Hollinger
calling from New York City.
Yeah, well, he called
me this morning.
Evidently, we've been
missing each other all day.
I can't go home to Brewster.
Every call from there
would be long-distance.
Honey, my place?
Out of town? Oh.
Well, listen, I'm leaving
town myself today.
Will you tell him I'll call
him the first of the week?
Thank you very much.
And a hotel is out
of the question.
There are 33,000
conventions in town.
And every time you
make a call from a hotel,
it's a service charge.
Where's the profit in that?
Hey, honey, I got an idea.
Why don't you stay at my place?
Your place?
Donald, are you by
any chance suggesting
a compromising suggestion?
When and if I make a
compromising suggestion,
it most certainly
won't be by chance.
Good... I think.
Listen, honey, I have to
go to Boston for a few days,
so you can stay there and
make all the calls you want.
Oh, Donald, that's
terrific. Thank you.
You know where I keep
the key for the cleaning lady?
Don't change the subject.
I beg your pardon.
Fissildy rack, fissildy reds,
rip 'em and bust 'em
and tear 'em to shreds!
Hooray!
Hey, big Don!
Hollinger boy!
Huh, he's done well.
The grape, the grape,
the friend of man.
No calls.
"A token of my esteem."
Oh... oh, Donald.
Isn't that sweet?
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
"A small token of my esteem."
You must have spent a fortune.
Bachelors.
They put everything
in the refrigerator.
Okay, refrigerator, cool it.
Hello, I'd like to speak to
Mrs. Joseph Peveny, please.
Oh, this is Mrs. Peveny!
Hello, Mrs. Peveny.
I'm calling for
research marketing.
Yes, and I just
want... Hello? Hello?
She hung up.
She did. She hung up.
Oh, well.
How do you do, madam?
I'm calling from
research mark...
I give up.
No I don't. One more try.
Hello! I'm calling from
research marketing.
Why, yes, sir!
Yes, sir. That's right, sir.
Market research on
electrical appliances, yes.
Hmm?
Well, it's really not important
that you know my name.
I'm just a faceless someone
who asks the questions.
For example, do you
have an electric kitchen?
Uh, no, sir.
I'm sorry, but we're
really not allowed to mingle
with the customers on the phone.
Do you have an electric kitchen?
Wonderful!
An electric bedroom, too?
Oh, my. Perfect.
It's so much easier
to just lie there
and press buttons.
Well, thank you, sir!
You've been very cooperative.
Yes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not
allowed to answer that.
I know.
Why don't you call information?
Aah! What are you
doing standing there?
No, no, don't you... don't
you come anywhere near me!
And if you don't get
right out of this house...
Aah! You stay right there!
If you come one step
near me, I'll scream!
You just stay right away.
You just stay away from me.
All right, you'd just
better get right out of here.
I'm going to scream and...
And they're going to come and...
And then they
could really kill you.
You... you better
get out of here!
You know what I'm
going to do to you?
You just better get out
of here! You just better...
Aah!
Did I get it in your eye?
No, no, that's all right.
I'm going to call the police.
Me, too.
Breaking and entering.
Right, that's exactly
what you've done.
Me? I haven't broken
and entered anything.
What about my fruit
basket and cheese?
Oh, I thought my boyfriend
had bought me that.
What's his name?
Oh, no you don't.
If you don't know his name,
I'm not going to
tell you his name
'cause then you're
going to know his name.
I thought you were
going to call the police.
I certainly am!
And they're going to want to
know what you're doing here...
aside from making
suggestive phone calls.
And stuffing your face.
I was doing nothing of the kind.
Oh? Then how do you explain
that camembert on your chin.
I told you, I thought Don
had bought them for me.
Let's be logical. If
Don had expected...
A-ha! You heard me say his name.
No, you made a lucky guess!
I certainly did not!
Prove it!
You see that
picture right there?
Just turn that over.
That's a picture of me.
Very flattering.
What were you so unhappy about?
That's Donald's basset hound.
He probably took my
picture with him to Boston.
A likely story.
I suppose you have
some sort of proof.
I do.
Here is my passport,
a letter from Donald.
Let me see that.
"Come to New York.
My place is yours."
It's funny. Donald never
said anything about you to me.
Yes, it's funny, but
he never mentioned
anything to me about you either.
However, I do have
a blanket invitation.
Well, so do I.
Let's hope there's
more than one blanket.
Mr. Banner, Donald
Hollinger and I
happen to enjoy a very
wholesome relationship.
You're engaged.
Well, not exactly.
We sort of have
an understanding.
Ahh, I see.
No, you don't.
Our understanding does not
need any "uh-huh" in front of it.
No, but it does require
some clarification,
at least to the
interested observer.
And in case you haven't
noticed, I'm very interested.
I've noticed.
I don't usually
hold conversations
walking backwards.
But it's my nature to
be warm and friendly.
And I particularly like
unattainable women.
Unattainable women!
Whoever you are,
wherever you are, I love you!
You're crazy. How
do I get rid of you?
Tell me I can have you.
Don't be ridiculous.
Okay, but don't say
I didn't try to help.
Mr. Banner, would you please go?
All right, I'll go.
But first, there's something
I think we ought to do.
I know what you
think we ought to do.
No, I was really
going to suggest...
that you and I go
out together tonight.
A little dinner,
a little dancing?
I'll get it. It's
probably for me.
Hello there!
Well, never mind who I
am. Who do you want?
Hey, what's your name?
Ann.
No, you've got the
wrong number, pal.
There's no Marie here.
Marie? That's me!
But you said your name was Ann.
This joker's after
someone named Marie.
Ann Marie, that's me.
Hello?
And this joker
happens to be my father.
Daddy! What a lovely surprise!
How did you know
where to reach me?
Mother told you.
But she didn't tell
you about who?
Oh, him.
Oh, well, that's just
a friend of Donald's...
who was just leaving.
Yes, Daddy.
No, Daddy.
No trouble at all.
Well, every city's
full of weirdos, Daddy.
No, no, I don't
think I need a gun.
Yes, Daddy. Thank you, Daddy.
Okay, Daddy. Bye.
Is he convinced?
I'm really not sure.
Oh, well, I'm sorry if I
got you into any trouble.
But who expects a
girl's father to call her
at her boyfriend's apartment?
Do you want to know
something, Mr. Banner?
I really don't like you.
I wish you'd leave.
Well, there's no
point in getting angry.
I don't care if there's a point
in my getting angry or not.
I am angry.
But I was just...
If you had any sense
of decency or decorum...
Now, just a minute. I've
got a lot of both of those.
Then you get right out of here.
But... Instead of
making little innuendoes
and stupid little jokes
and trying to be charming
and attractive, of which you
are not either the least bit.
Oh?
No, not at all.
Well, I...
I'll be out of this apartment
in two seconds flat.
Good-bye, Miss Marie.
You're a very nice girl,
but you are not marvelous!
Hello? Donald!
Hi, honey! How's everything?
Well, everything's
very disturbing, Donald.
I wish you'd tell me when
you hand out blanket invitations
to every Tom, Dick, and
Harry to use your apartment.
Uh, Tom, Dick, and who?
Harry. Harry Banner.
Y-you mean he's in New
York? Old nutty Harry Banner?
You not only know
him, you like him.
Is he there with you?
Uh, well, not anymore.
Honey, he's one
of my best friends,
an old fraternity brother.
Where's the old
goofball staying?
The old goofball didn't say.
He left in kind of a big huff.
Why did he do that?
Maybe because I
ordered him to leave.
Well, why would you
do a thing like that?
Because he was
being indecent, Donald.
Why, honey, what did he say?
Well...
Oh, I don't know exactly for
every syllable what he said.
He was... he was just
acting kind of cute and smart
and wiggling his eyebrows
a lot and, you know.
Honey, that's just Harry's
way of showing approval.
Well, I just threw him out,
which is my way of
showing disapproval.
Now, don't get upset.
We'll talk about it
when I get home.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Who is it?
Harry Banner.
There are 3,000
conventions in town.
In addition to everything
else, you exaggerate.
I thought you had a key.
I do.
However, I chose not to use it.
Oh. Well, thank you.
Now, what do you want?
I'll have to spend
the night here.
I'm sorry, Mr. Banner, but
I'm afraid you can't do that.
Rest assured that
propriety will be observed.
I have the perfect
solution to the problem.
Mm-hmm. What is the solution?
I'm going to nail
you in the bedroom.
You are crazy.
You can't do that!
Yes, I can. I have
a hammer and nails.
But I don't want to be
nailed in the the bedroom.
Then you leave
me no alternative.
Stop it!
You're making holes
in Donald's walls!
Holes can be plugged.
At the moment, my only concern
is to make you feel
safe and secure.
Now, do you feel
safe and secure?
No!
Fine. I have more nails.
Well?
I'm not sure.
All right, all right, I'm sure.
And you can go to sleep
with absolutely no
worry or fear, right?
Right. And I can
also go to sleep
with absolutely no
blanket or pillow.
Oh, sorry about that.
Why, you... you
didn't use any nails!
You lied to me!
I didn't promise to use nails.
I only promised to make
you feel safe and secure.
Well, you didn't and
I don't, so you lied.
But you'll admit, it's purely
a state of mind, right?
I'll admit that I am
going to count to ten
and then I'm going
to scream a little
and then I'm going
to call the police.
One... Hold it!
No more philosophy,
no more jokes.
Two, three.
It's just no good, Mr. Banner.
Four... Now, don't get excited.
This time, I'm
doing a beautiful job.
Five, six... Aah!
What happened?
None of your business.
You come out of
there this instant!
I can't! I... I swear.
Go ahead, try it.
I don't want to. Seven, eight...
This door won't open
without dynamite.
I'll probably never
be seen again.
Nine, ten.
Don't scream, Ann!
Think of your reputation.
Think of... Aah!
What happened?
What's the matter?
Nothing! Nothing!
Are you all right, Harry?
I'm not sure.
But if the difference
between man and animal
is his thumbs, I am doomed.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is there anything
I can do to help?
Yes, try the door.
Convinced?
Convinced.
Good.
No screams, no police.
No screams, no police.
Good night, Ann.
Good night, Harry.
Ow. Ow.
I've killed him!
Harry! Harry! Mr. Banner!
Mr. Banner, are you all right?
All right, you stay right there!
I'm coming! I'm bringing help!
Don't worry! Don't worry!
Just stay right there!
Don't die, Mr. Banner!
Don't die. Don't
die, Mr. Banner.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
Harry? Harry?
Say something to me, please!
I want my mother.
I don't know why
you just didn't tell me
you were hungry instead
of sneaking around like that.
I didn't want to disturb you.
Here.
It shows you what value
is placed on consideration
in a modern society.
Oh, that's Donald!
He's back early!
Daddy, what are you doing here?
I'm delivering your laundry.
Why now?
It's 2:00 in the morning.
Because Donald is
supposed to be awake,
and because you're
supposed to have termites,
and because a strange
man answered the telephone
where you're staying to
get away from the termites.
You think that isn't a good
time to deliver the laundry?
Take it from me, it's the best.
Oh, Daddy, you're
making a big fuss
out of absolutely nothing.
Is that what you call
"absolutely nothing"?
No, that's Harry Banner, Daddy.
What's a Harry Banner?
And what's he doing
lying there in his pajamas
eating a sandwich?
Would you like to
have an explanation?
If it isn't too much to ask.
Sir, you shall have
an explanation.
Uh, but first, may I
make a suggestion?
What suggestion?
That you, uh, you sit down
and we have a little champagne?
Oh, that's a terrific idea!
That's a great idea, Daddy!
Some champagne,
that's a great idea!
Why?
Well, it'll make my
explanation easier to swallow.
Daddy, everything
I'm going to tell you
is the absolute truth.
And you know from experience...
Oh, my experiences,
not your experiences...
How difficult it is
to believe the truth.
Pour.
Good morning, madam!
I'm doing a little research
on electrical appliances
and I'd like to know...
what's going on.
Oh, Donald! How marvelous!
You're just in time!
In time? You sure
I'm not too late?
We'll you're too
late for waffles,
but I can still make you
some scrambled eggs.
Yeah, well, I'm not hungry.
And what are you doing?
Adding insult to injury?
Those are my pajamas.
So are these.
See? Good morning, Daddy.
Good morning. Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
I'd still like to know
what's going on.
Would you like an explanation?
Yeah, if it isn't
too much to ask.
Why don't you have
some champagne?
Ooh, that's a terrific idea!
Champagne? What...
My boy, do you have any idea
how difficult the
truth is to swallow?
When it concerns her?
Pour.
You see, what happened,
Donald, I came over here
and started doing my phone
calls, and then Harry came in
and I tried to kill
him with a spray gun.
And I... I didn't do it,
but I got it in his eyes.
He was squinting like
that for a long time.
And then what
happened, then he left,
then I was here all by myself,
then he came back and
then he nailed himself...
Now, forget it.
I don't want to put
you at any trouble.
It's no trouble. I'll just go
down and get the car and...
Don't be ridiculous!
I can take a cab.
Now, will you just stop
worrying about the whole thing.
And don't... don't you
have a meeting at 9:30?
Yeah, but it's only
10:00. I'll make it.
Now, look. Forget
it and go already.
All right. If that's
the way you want it.
Wait a minute.
Hi, Donald.
Is Harry ready to
go to the airport?
You're taking
him to the airport?
Uh huh. Didn't he tell you?
Hi, Ann! I'm ready!
You didn't tell Donald I
was taking you to the airport.
Well, do I look like the kind
of a guy that tells everything,
especially to his best friend?
Oh, n-n-no, of course not.
Oh, well, look, don't
worry about a thing, Harry.
We'll all three
go to the airport.
But that's not necessary.
No, no, I wouldn't dream
of having it any other way.
Right, honey?
I'm with you.
And he's with us.
And you're with me.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
Now, have you looked
for work this past week?
I don't look for
work, I'm an actor.
I have an agent
who looks for me.
Who's your agent?
Ann Marie? Ann Marie?
Uh, right here!
Are you Ann Marie?
No, no.
That girl.
♪♪
Now I've heard
everything: I've got termites.
Well, it's not noticeable.
Are you Ann Marie?
Yes, I am.
Personally, I don't think
there's enough wood
in that whole building
to keep a termite alive.
Ann, the lady.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Would you come with me, please?
Yes.
It's just a little disconcerting
to find out that
your apartment's
being eaten out from under you.
How's this for the
switch of all times?
They got me a job.
Ann, this is the
department of employment,
not the unemployment office.
You know, I went through
the whole explanation
of where I worked last
and how I was an actress.
I mean, really working
and trying to be an actress.
And the next thing I know,
she mentions something
about a part-time
non-acting job.
So I said I didn't mind
working at a non-acting job.
I mean, it's a lot better than
just sitting around collecting,
but that I would appreciate
it if she referred to me
as an actress doing a
part-time non-acting job,
rather than a part-time actress.
Well, what kind of
job did they get you?
Research marketing.
You can do it right at home.
All you have to
do is call people up
and ask them what they
prefer in electrical appliances,
for a $1.85 an hour.
That's $35.15 a day if
I only sleep five hours.
How lucky can you get?
If you dialing finger holds out,
you're going to
be a millionaire.
Maybe you don't appreciate
it, but the gas company will.
Gas company?
They said they'd
appreciate it if I pay my bills.
I firmly believe that the building
management has no legal position.
Honey, what does it say exactly?
Well, it says that I have
to be out by this afternoon.
I'm being evicted.
Got to get rid of people before
you can get rid of termites.
Hello, operator?
Operator, could I have
operator 41 in St. Louis, please.
Yes, a Mr. Harry Banner.
What am I going to do, Donald?
Now I have to
forget about the job.
I can't do it out
in the streets.
Calm down, honey.
You can stay at my place.
Hello? Yeah, I'd like
Harry Banner, please.
This is Donald Hollinger
calling from New York City.
Yeah, well, he called
me this morning.
Evidently, we've been
missing each other all day.
I can't go home to Brewster.
Every call from there
would be long-distance.
Honey, my place?
Out of town? Oh.
Well, listen, I'm leaving
town myself today.
Will you tell him I'll call
him the first of the week?
Thank you very much.
And a hotel is out
of the question.
There are 33,000
conventions in town.
And every time you
make a call from a hotel,
it's a service charge.
Where's the profit in that?
Hey, honey, I got an idea.
Why don't you stay at my place?
Your place?
Donald, are you by
any chance suggesting
a compromising suggestion?
When and if I make a
compromising suggestion,
it most certainly
won't be by chance.
Good... I think.
Listen, honey, I have to
go to Boston for a few days,
so you can stay there and
make all the calls you want.
Oh, Donald, that's
terrific. Thank you.
You know where I keep
the key for the cleaning lady?
Don't change the subject.
I beg your pardon.
Fissildy rack, fissildy reds,
rip 'em and bust 'em
and tear 'em to shreds!
Hooray!
Hey, big Don!
Hollinger boy!
Huh, he's done well.
The grape, the grape,
the friend of man.
No calls.
"A token of my esteem."
Oh... oh, Donald.
Isn't that sweet?
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
"A small token of my esteem."
You must have spent a fortune.
Bachelors.
They put everything
in the refrigerator.
Okay, refrigerator, cool it.
Hello, I'd like to speak to
Mrs. Joseph Peveny, please.
Oh, this is Mrs. Peveny!
Hello, Mrs. Peveny.
I'm calling for
research marketing.
Yes, and I just
want... Hello? Hello?
She hung up.
She did. She hung up.
Oh, well.
How do you do, madam?
I'm calling from
research mark...
I give up.
No I don't. One more try.
Hello! I'm calling from
research marketing.
Why, yes, sir!
Yes, sir. That's right, sir.
Market research on
electrical appliances, yes.
Hmm?
Well, it's really not important
that you know my name.
I'm just a faceless someone
who asks the questions.
For example, do you
have an electric kitchen?
Uh, no, sir.
I'm sorry, but we're
really not allowed to mingle
with the customers on the phone.
Do you have an electric kitchen?
Wonderful!
An electric bedroom, too?
Oh, my. Perfect.
It's so much easier
to just lie there
and press buttons.
Well, thank you, sir!
You've been very cooperative.
Yes.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not
allowed to answer that.
I know.
Why don't you call information?
Aah! What are you
doing standing there?
No, no, don't you... don't
you come anywhere near me!
And if you don't get
right out of this house...
Aah! You stay right there!
If you come one step
near me, I'll scream!
You just stay right away.
You just stay away from me.
All right, you'd just
better get right out of here.
I'm going to scream and...
And they're going to come and...
And then they
could really kill you.
You... you better
get out of here!
You know what I'm
going to do to you?
You just better get out
of here! You just better...
Aah!
Did I get it in your eye?
No, no, that's all right.
I'm going to call the police.
Me, too.
Breaking and entering.
Right, that's exactly
what you've done.
Me? I haven't broken
and entered anything.
What about my fruit
basket and cheese?
Oh, I thought my boyfriend
had bought me that.
What's his name?
Oh, no you don't.
If you don't know his name,
I'm not going to
tell you his name
'cause then you're
going to know his name.
I thought you were
going to call the police.
I certainly am!
And they're going to want to
know what you're doing here...
aside from making
suggestive phone calls.
And stuffing your face.
I was doing nothing of the kind.
Oh? Then how do you explain
that camembert on your chin.
I told you, I thought Don
had bought them for me.
Let's be logical. If
Don had expected...
A-ha! You heard me say his name.
No, you made a lucky guess!
I certainly did not!
Prove it!
You see that
picture right there?
Just turn that over.
That's a picture of me.
Very flattering.
What were you so unhappy about?
That's Donald's basset hound.
He probably took my
picture with him to Boston.
A likely story.
I suppose you have
some sort of proof.
I do.
Here is my passport,
a letter from Donald.
Let me see that.
"Come to New York.
My place is yours."
It's funny. Donald never
said anything about you to me.
Yes, it's funny, but
he never mentioned
anything to me about you either.
However, I do have
a blanket invitation.
Well, so do I.
Let's hope there's
more than one blanket.
Mr. Banner, Donald
Hollinger and I
happen to enjoy a very
wholesome relationship.
You're engaged.
Well, not exactly.
We sort of have
an understanding.
Ahh, I see.
No, you don't.
Our understanding does not
need any "uh-huh" in front of it.
No, but it does require
some clarification,
at least to the
interested observer.
And in case you haven't
noticed, I'm very interested.
I've noticed.
I don't usually
hold conversations
walking backwards.
But it's my nature to
be warm and friendly.
And I particularly like
unattainable women.
Unattainable women!
Whoever you are,
wherever you are, I love you!
You're crazy. How
do I get rid of you?
Tell me I can have you.
Don't be ridiculous.
Okay, but don't say
I didn't try to help.
Mr. Banner, would you please go?
All right, I'll go.
But first, there's something
I think we ought to do.
I know what you
think we ought to do.
No, I was really
going to suggest...
that you and I go
out together tonight.
A little dinner,
a little dancing?
I'll get it. It's
probably for me.
Hello there!
Well, never mind who I
am. Who do you want?
Hey, what's your name?
Ann.
No, you've got the
wrong number, pal.
There's no Marie here.
Marie? That's me!
But you said your name was Ann.
This joker's after
someone named Marie.
Ann Marie, that's me.
Hello?
And this joker
happens to be my father.
Daddy! What a lovely surprise!
How did you know
where to reach me?
Mother told you.
But she didn't tell
you about who?
Oh, him.
Oh, well, that's just
a friend of Donald's...
who was just leaving.
Yes, Daddy.
No, Daddy.
No trouble at all.
Well, every city's
full of weirdos, Daddy.
No, no, I don't
think I need a gun.
Yes, Daddy. Thank you, Daddy.
Okay, Daddy. Bye.
Is he convinced?
I'm really not sure.
Oh, well, I'm sorry if I
got you into any trouble.
But who expects a
girl's father to call her
at her boyfriend's apartment?
Do you want to know
something, Mr. Banner?
I really don't like you.
I wish you'd leave.
Well, there's no
point in getting angry.
I don't care if there's a point
in my getting angry or not.
I am angry.
But I was just...
If you had any sense
of decency or decorum...
Now, just a minute. I've
got a lot of both of those.
Then you get right out of here.
But... Instead of
making little innuendoes
and stupid little jokes
and trying to be charming
and attractive, of which you
are not either the least bit.
Oh?
No, not at all.
Well, I...
I'll be out of this apartment
in two seconds flat.
Good-bye, Miss Marie.
You're a very nice girl,
but you are not marvelous!
Hello? Donald!
Hi, honey! How's everything?
Well, everything's
very disturbing, Donald.
I wish you'd tell me when
you hand out blanket invitations
to every Tom, Dick, and
Harry to use your apartment.
Uh, Tom, Dick, and who?
Harry. Harry Banner.
Y-you mean he's in New
York? Old nutty Harry Banner?
You not only know
him, you like him.
Is he there with you?
Uh, well, not anymore.
Honey, he's one
of my best friends,
an old fraternity brother.
Where's the old
goofball staying?
The old goofball didn't say.
He left in kind of a big huff.
Why did he do that?
Maybe because I
ordered him to leave.
Well, why would you
do a thing like that?
Because he was
being indecent, Donald.
Why, honey, what did he say?
Well...
Oh, I don't know exactly for
every syllable what he said.
He was... he was just
acting kind of cute and smart
and wiggling his eyebrows
a lot and, you know.
Honey, that's just Harry's
way of showing approval.
Well, I just threw him out,
which is my way of
showing disapproval.
Now, don't get upset.
We'll talk about it
when I get home.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Who is it?
Harry Banner.
There are 3,000
conventions in town.
In addition to everything
else, you exaggerate.
I thought you had a key.
I do.
However, I chose not to use it.
Oh. Well, thank you.
Now, what do you want?
I'll have to spend
the night here.
I'm sorry, Mr. Banner, but
I'm afraid you can't do that.
Rest assured that
propriety will be observed.
I have the perfect
solution to the problem.
Mm-hmm. What is the solution?
I'm going to nail
you in the bedroom.
You are crazy.
You can't do that!
Yes, I can. I have
a hammer and nails.
But I don't want to be
nailed in the the bedroom.
Then you leave
me no alternative.
Stop it!
You're making holes
in Donald's walls!
Holes can be plugged.
At the moment, my only concern
is to make you feel
safe and secure.
Now, do you feel
safe and secure?
No!
Fine. I have more nails.
Well?
I'm not sure.
All right, all right, I'm sure.
And you can go to sleep
with absolutely no
worry or fear, right?
Right. And I can
also go to sleep
with absolutely no
blanket or pillow.
Oh, sorry about that.
Why, you... you
didn't use any nails!
You lied to me!
I didn't promise to use nails.
I only promised to make
you feel safe and secure.
Well, you didn't and
I don't, so you lied.
But you'll admit, it's purely
a state of mind, right?
I'll admit that I am
going to count to ten
and then I'm going
to scream a little
and then I'm going
to call the police.
One... Hold it!
No more philosophy,
no more jokes.
Two, three.
It's just no good, Mr. Banner.
Four... Now, don't get excited.
This time, I'm
doing a beautiful job.
Five, six... Aah!
What happened?
None of your business.
You come out of
there this instant!
I can't! I... I swear.
Go ahead, try it.
I don't want to. Seven, eight...
This door won't open
without dynamite.
I'll probably never
be seen again.
Nine, ten.
Don't scream, Ann!
Think of your reputation.
Think of... Aah!
What happened?
What's the matter?
Nothing! Nothing!
Are you all right, Harry?
I'm not sure.
But if the difference
between man and animal
is his thumbs, I am doomed.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is there anything
I can do to help?
Yes, try the door.
Convinced?
Convinced.
Good.
No screams, no police.
No screams, no police.
Good night, Ann.
Good night, Harry.
Ow. Ow.
I've killed him!
Harry! Harry! Mr. Banner!
Mr. Banner, are you all right?
All right, you stay right there!
I'm coming! I'm bringing help!
Don't worry! Don't worry!
Just stay right there!
Don't die, Mr. Banner!
Don't die. Don't
die, Mr. Banner.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
Harry? Harry?
Say something to me, please!
I want my mother.
I don't know why
you just didn't tell me
you were hungry instead
of sneaking around like that.
I didn't want to disturb you.
Here.
It shows you what value
is placed on consideration
in a modern society.
Oh, that's Donald!
He's back early!
Daddy, what are you doing here?
I'm delivering your laundry.
Why now?
It's 2:00 in the morning.
Because Donald is
supposed to be awake,
and because you're
supposed to have termites,
and because a strange
man answered the telephone
where you're staying to
get away from the termites.
You think that isn't a good
time to deliver the laundry?
Take it from me, it's the best.
Oh, Daddy, you're
making a big fuss
out of absolutely nothing.
Is that what you call
"absolutely nothing"?
No, that's Harry Banner, Daddy.
What's a Harry Banner?
And what's he doing
lying there in his pajamas
eating a sandwich?
Would you like to
have an explanation?
If it isn't too much to ask.
Sir, you shall have
an explanation.
Uh, but first, may I
make a suggestion?
What suggestion?
That you, uh, you sit down
and we have a little champagne?
Oh, that's a terrific idea!
That's a great idea, Daddy!
Some champagne,
that's a great idea!
Why?
Well, it'll make my
explanation easier to swallow.
Daddy, everything
I'm going to tell you
is the absolute truth.
And you know from experience...
Oh, my experiences,
not your experiences...
How difficult it is
to believe the truth.
Pour.
Good morning, madam!
I'm doing a little research
on electrical appliances
and I'd like to know...
what's going on.
Oh, Donald! How marvelous!
You're just in time!
In time? You sure
I'm not too late?
We'll you're too
late for waffles,
but I can still make you
some scrambled eggs.
Yeah, well, I'm not hungry.
And what are you doing?
Adding insult to injury?
Those are my pajamas.
So are these.
See? Good morning, Daddy.
Good morning. Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
Good morning, sir.
Good morning.
I'd still like to know
what's going on.
Would you like an explanation?
Yeah, if it isn't
too much to ask.
Why don't you have
some champagne?
Ooh, that's a terrific idea!
Champagne? What...
My boy, do you have any idea
how difficult the
truth is to swallow?
When it concerns her?
Pour.
You see, what happened,
Donald, I came over here
and started doing my phone
calls, and then Harry came in
and I tried to kill
him with a spray gun.
And I... I didn't do it,
but I got it in his eyes.
He was squinting like
that for a long time.
And then what
happened, then he left,
then I was here all by myself,
then he came back and
then he nailed himself...
Now, forget it.
I don't want to put
you at any trouble.
It's no trouble. I'll just go
down and get the car and...
Don't be ridiculous!
I can take a cab.
Now, will you just stop
worrying about the whole thing.
And don't... don't you
have a meeting at 9:30?
Yeah, but it's only
10:00. I'll make it.
Now, look. Forget
it and go already.
All right. If that's
the way you want it.
Wait a minute.
Hi, Donald.
Is Harry ready to
go to the airport?
You're taking
him to the airport?
Uh huh. Didn't he tell you?
Hi, Ann! I'm ready!
You didn't tell Donald I
was taking you to the airport.
Well, do I look like the kind
of a guy that tells everything,
especially to his best friend?
Oh, n-n-no, of course not.
Oh, well, look, don't
worry about a thing, Harry.
We'll all three
go to the airport.
But that's not necessary.
No, no, I wouldn't dream
of having it any other way.
Right, honey?
I'm with you.
And he's with us.
And you're with me.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA