That Girl (1966–1971): Season 2, Episode 30 - Old Man's Darling - full transcript

Say, this is some party.

I didn't know it was
going to be this crowded.

Who are you
supposed to interview?

Politicians, artists,
scientists, industrialists.

All the fancy big
shots I can find.

How do you tell a fancy big shot

from an ordinary big
shot without a scorecard?

I go around the
room eavesdropping.

The fanciest big
shots talk the least.

You want to come with me?

Oh, no, it's too squashed.



I don't want to spill
anything on my new dress.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

On second thought, who
cares about writing articles.

I don't...

but you do, so I
think you better go.

Pardon me. Excuse me.

Awfully sorry. Excuse
me. Pardon me.

Tight quarters, aren't they?

Yes, they are.

Oh! Oh, my... Oh, my goodness.



Oh, dear, I guess you'll have
to stand in line again, won't you?

I'm terrible sorry.

Oh, now, don't be silly.

Well, it wasn't your fault.

Yes, it was. I should
have taken a pretzel.

Oh, no. It's nothing.

Really.

Oh... I'll get a napkin
and some water.

Oh, no, that's all right.

I'll just go into
the ladies room.

Please, I insist.

Please let me insist.

All right, I'll let you insist.

Thank you.

Would you mind?

Oh, of course not.

Thanks awfully. Sure.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Oh, waiter.

Please, will you get me a
napkin and a glass of water?

I dropped a shrimp
cocktail on that girl.

There.

As soon as it dries, we'll
never even know it was there.

No, I've ruined it, I'm afraid.

It must be very expensive.

Cost $42.50.

It's an original copy.

Really?

What a shame.

Let me buy you a new one.

Oh, no, thank you.
That isn't necessary.

I'd like to.

Well, thank you very much,
that's very sweet of you,

but it's really out
of the question.

Well, then, at least let
me have it dry-cleaned.

Well, that wouldn't be fair.

I was going to have
it dry-cleaned anyway.

As a matter of fact,
when I put it on tonight,

I said, "One more party
and this has got to go

to the cleaners."

To whom did you say that?

To myself.

Not your husband?

No, I'm not married.

Are you... Are you here alone?

Oh, no, I'm here with a friend.

Oh, and I'll bet
he's looking for me.

Excuse me. Yes.

What does he look like?

Well, he's the handsomest
man in the room,

present company excluded.

Thank you very much.

But if I were your escort,

I wouldn't let you out of
my sight for a moment,

Miss... Marie. Ann Marie.

Oh.

Oh, by the way, my
name is Washington.

Andrew Washington.

How do you do, Mr. Washington?

Now, about that $42...

Now, really, thank you, but no.

I mean, it's very
sweet of you, but no.

Aren't your friends
going to miss you?

Oh, most of my friends are dead.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

So am I.

Well, you... You must
be here with someone.

No, as a matter of fact,
you're the only person

I've spoken to
the whole evening.

Well, all these fancy big shots

don't know what they're missing.

I say, thank you very much.

Now, about that
$42... Oh, there he is.

I better catch him while I can.

It was awfully nice talking
to you, Mr. Washington.

Bye.

Good-bye.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I've been looking for you.

Me, too.

What happened to you dress?

I had a collision
with a lost sheep.

That cute little man over there,

just sitting down.

Ann, that cute little
man is not a lost sheep.

He isn't?

That's Andrew Washington.

You've heard of Andrew
Washington, haven't you?

Certainly. He's two
Presidents of the United States.

Honey, do you know
how much money he has?

Well, he has at least $42.50.

Andrew Washington is one of
the 10 richest men in this country.

That Andrew Washington?

Yes.

What do you know.

I could've taken
him to the cleaners.

What's your professional opinion

of spilled shrimp cocktail sauce

on a white crepe dress?

Just a minute.

You can get it out?
Oh, that's terrific.

It'll be here anytime
you want to pick it up.

Okay, thanks. Bye.

Good day, Madam.

I'm here to inquire if
there's a young lady

who would like to go
shopping with a young man.

What's the young man's name?

Hollinger. Donald A. Hollinger.

The "A" stands for "Adorable."

And what is Adorable
shopping for?

A pair of socks
to match my eyes.

Oh. Where are you ever
going to find bloodshot socks?

I know. I know.

Mr. Newman, that's service.

Bonded messenger
for Miss Ann Marie?

Mr. Newman couldn't make it
so he sent a bonded messenger?

What are you having cleaned?

A $42.50 original copy
is not a bucket of yogurt.

I'm not picking
up, I'm delivering.

Oh.

Would you please
sign here? Oh, sure.

And no tipping.

No tipping? Sorry.

Thank you. Bye.

You know, that's the
first bonded messenger

that ever came to my door?

I've had a lot of
regular messengers,

but I never had a bonded one.

What's a bonded messenger?

It means the person who
sent the package is insured.

Against tipping?

No, against losing the package

because what's
inside is valuable.

Oh.

Oh! It's a rhinestone bracelet.

Who sent it?

I don't know.

"You didn't want a new dress,

"so I hope this goes
with the old one.

"Yours for smaller parties...

Andrew Washington."

You're kidding?

You're serious.

That's the wildest
thing I ever heard of.

Gee, those are beautiful
rhinestones, aren't they, Donald?

Ann.

They're absolutely
lovely, aren't they?

Ann. That sweet old man.

He was going to spend that
money no matter what I said.

Ann. What?

These are not rhinestones.

They're diamonds.

What do you mean, diamonds?

Real diamonds?

A man like Andrew Washington

never gave a
rhinestone in his life.

Well, you're wrong, Donald.

A man doesn't buy
a diamond bracelet

for a girl he just met once.

I don't care who he is.

And besides, where
are you going to buy

a diamond bracelet for $42.50?

I'd say it's worth,
um... $42.50?

About that.

See?

Maybe $4,500.

You're kidding?

I have no sense of humor, sir.

You mean to say that
those are genuine diamonds?

No doubt about it.

Should we get another opinion?

Thank you very much.

Oh, can I sell you
something to go with it?

Something in a square
cut? About two karats.

Oh, no, thank you.
Nothing that small.

A wrist watch? Earrings?

Pearls? Something?

What can you show
us in a copper tie clasp?

Yes, operator.

Washington
International Enterprises,

Chicago, Illinois.

Mr. Andrew Washington,
person-to-person.

He isn't very subtle, is he?
"Yours for smaller parties."

Oh, Donald, you're
taking that out of context.

In context, that's
perfectly innocent.

Hello, Mr. Washington?

This is Ann Marie.

Remember me?

No, he gave you
a diamond bracelet

because he forgot you.

Shh!

Did you get the bracelet?

Oh, yes, I did, Mr. Washington,
and it's just gorgeous.

It's the move gorgeous
bracelet I've ever seen.

But I really can't keep it.

Well, because it
just doesn't look right.

No, I don't mean on my wrist,
I mean on my sense of ethics.

Oh, but I assure
you, Miss Marie,

there are no strings attached.

Well, yes, I know that, but...

Well, it's just that
I couldn't keep it.

Well, because my
conscience just won't let me.

Well, yes, but... But...

He's giving me a hard time.

I tell you what, I'll
make you a proposition.

He's making me a proposition.

Naturally.

Well, yes.

Oh, well, of course.

All right.

All right.

That's a deal.

Bye.

It's a deal?

You said it's a deal.

Now, Donald,
don't get so excited.

It's not the deal
you think it is.

And I'm surprised at
your lack of faith in me.

Well, I apologize.

What deal is it?

He's going to take
the bracelet back.

Oh.

Well, that's more like it.

On the condition that I have
dinner with him tomorrow night.

You're going to fly to Chicago?

No, he's going
to fly to New York.

Just to have dinner with you?

Well, of course not. I'm
sure he has business here.

Did he say that?
Well, no, but...

Well, then, he's flying here just to
have dinner with you and I don't like it.

Donald, you want me to give
him back the bracelet, don't you?

Well, yes, yes, but
you can send it back

by bonded messenger with
a polite "Thank You" note.

Oh, that would
hurt his feelings.

Well, honey, you're going
to have to hurt his feelings

sooner or later, aren't you?

I don't know.

I hope not.

And anyway, if I have to,

I think it would be much kinder

to hurt them in person.

All right, all right.

I defer to your better judgment.

Here.

Thank you for
your understanding.

Now, I've got to
find a place to hide it.

Why do you have to hide it?

You've never heard
of jewel thieves?

Oh, yeah. You figure the
word's out on your already?

Well, it's possible.

There's no sense in
taking any chances.

What are you going to do?

Well, I'm going to
find a safe place.

Listen, why not
cut a melon in half,

scrape out the seeds,
shove the bracelet inside

and put it in the back
of the refrigerator?

Oh, Donald, don't be ridiculous.

That's the first
place they'd look.

The closet? No.

The bedroom? No.

The bathroom? No.

In the mattress... Yes. No.

Sorry.

You know, Donald,
this is very upsetting.

What?

To live in a place for
two years and realize

it doesn't have a safe place.

Oh, how beautiful.

What a shame the
flame has to go out.

As in shish-kabob, so in life.

Adequate.

Yes, Mr. Washington.

Coming from you, sir,
that means a great deal.

If you like this wine, I'll have
a case sent to your apartment.

Oh, no thank you. I have
a very small apartment.

If a case of wine moves
in, I'll have to move out.

Who are you staring at?

That cute kid sitting over
there with the diamonds.

Well, ain't you polite?

Come on. What are you, jealous?

It's strictly a
physical attraction.

She's got $10 million.

You're kidding? Where?

Sitting right across
the table from her.

The guy she's with is
Andrew Washington,

one of the seven richest
men in the country.

You know, you make
things very difficult for me.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to.

I could be a
great help to you...

if you wouldn't reject me.

I'm not rejecting you.

I may say, "No," to you,
but I'm not rejecting you.

I would like you to
know that I'm a rich man.

In fact, I'm one of the eight
richest men in the country.

Oh?

Donald said you were one of
the 10 richest men in the country.

Really?

Oh, I suppose he knows
best, being a reporter.

Don't you have any
family, Mr. Washington?

None whatever.

That's why I'm so
anxious to help you.

Couldn't you think of me
as your genie in a bottle?

Yes, yes, I could.

And I have a wish.

Oh? Good!

I wish...

that you'll take back
this lovely bracelet

so that I can enjoy my dinner.

Very well.

But won't you wear
it just for tonight?

Please.

Okay. Just for tonight.

Well, how do you know her?

She's a former client.

Well, how come all
of your former clients

are doing better
than your clients?

I say, people are looking at us.

Are they?

Yes, they nudge each other,
look our way, and then smile.

They do?

Yes.

Oh, I suppose they
think I'm your grandfather.

Oh, no, I wouldn't say that.

I wouldn't say that at all.

You mean you
think that they think

that you and I are...

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, no. Don't be.

I'm very flattered,
Mr. Washington.

And I'm deeply
grateful, Miss Marie.

Coming!

Annie, sweetheart!

Hello, Eddie. I
thought I fired you.

What kind of a
welcome is that? So cold.

"Hello, Eddie. I
thought I fired you?"

Forgive me.

Hello, Eddie. I
thought I fired you.

That's much better.

I just dropped by to
tell you how glad I am

that you're doing so well.

Where?

Just generally. You know.

Am I keeping you from something?

Well, actually, I was
just getting ready

to go on a picnic-hike
with my boyfriend.

You think he's up to it?

I hope so.

Why shouldn't he be up to it?

Just a polite comment.

Eddie, would you do me a
favor and get to the point?

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Without any further ado
and no preliminary fanfare,

here it goes.

Are you ready?

I'm ready, I'm ready.

There's an exciting new play
by an exciting new playwright

and being produced by an
exciting new friend of mine.

Yeah?

Now, I think they've settled on
Henry Fonda for the male lead.

And for the female
lead, they're looking for

a totally unknown girl.

That's me!

That's what I said.

So they told me to
offer you the role.

Offer me the... Eddie!
Eddie, is this for real?

Because if it isn't...
Would I lie to you?

All right, let me
put it this way.

Why would I lie to you?

I don't know.

It's just that, I mean,
it's so hard to believe!

A female lead
just out of the blue!

What's the catch?

What catch? There's no catch.

There just happens
to be one slight, little,

minor complication.

Mm-hmm. Describe it.

Well, in general, I would say...

Describe it in detail.

Well, they're still a little
short on the financing.

Oh. How little?

$160,000.

$160,000?

But they got $2,000 cash.

Where are they going to
get the rest of the money?

Well, they hope to get
the rest of it this afternoon

from one certain
individual party.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Daddy!

Hello, sweetheart, how are you?

Fine.

Who are you? Eddie
Edwards, public relations.

My card, sir.

I'm Lou Marie, Ann's father.

How do you do?

I've practically
offered the lead

in a practically
produced Broadway show

to your daughter.

Well, how about that?

Provided, of course, she gets
$160,000 from her boyfriend.

From Donald?

Where's Donald
going to get $160,000?

Who's Donald?

Donald Hollinger.
He's my boyfriend.

No, not him, the
other boyfriend.

You know, Andrew Washington.

You must be kidding.

My daughter doesn't even
know Andrew Washington.

Yes, I do. You do?

Why, he's one of the four
richest men in the country.

Seven.

10. How would you know?

Well, Mr. Washington
says 8, but Donald says 10,

and he's a reporter.

Who told you
Mr. Washington's my boyfriend?

Oh, I figured it out.

I saw you having
dinner with him last night.

And I also saw the diamond
bracelet he gave you.

Andrew Washington gave
you a diamond bracelet?

Well, yes, but not last night.

Last night, I gave a
diamond bracelet to him.

Now, sweetie, no offense,

but that's a little
hard to believe.

Pair of cufflinks, maybe,
but not a diamond bracelet.

Ann, you know I never
interfere in your private life,

but Andrew Washington is
old enough to be your father.

As a matter of fact, he's
old enough to be my father.

Excuse me.

Good day, Miss Marie.

Look who I met in the lobby.

Hello, again.

Hello, Mr. Washington.

May one or both of us come in?

Oh, of course.

One or both?

Both.

Thank you.

Come in.

Mr. Washington, this
is my father Mr. Marie.

How do you do, sir?

This is an honor, sir.

I read a lot about
you, but I never thought

I'd have the privilege
of meeting you

in my daughter's
cheap apartment.

And this is Mr. Edwards.

How do you do, sir?
I'm in public relations.

My card, sir.

Thank you.

Well... what do we have here?

Well, I brought you a
jug of wine for our picnic.

And I brought you a mink coat.

Well, thank you,
that's... A mink coat?

Yeah, to thank you for
having dinner with me.

Hey! You could
wear it opening night!

With all due respect, sir, I
cannot permit my daughter

to accept a mink coat from you.

Why not?

Because people with evil minds

will assume there's hanky-panky.

Hanky-panky?

Well, isn't there?

There is not. Of
course there isn't.

Eddie, you revealed
an evil mind.

I thought we were
having a picnic.

We are, but this isn't it.

Ann, I do wish you'd
accept this coat.

Thank you,
Mr. Washington, but, well,

as I said to you last night...

Last night you said you
couldn't accept a bracelet.

The word "coat"
was never mentioned.

Well, it is the same principle.

Principle, schminciple.

Honey, here's the
way I look at it...

Will you please
stay out of this?

I guess this is my
busy day. Excuse me.

Yes?

Is there perchance a rat
named Eddie Edwards present?

Whom shall I say is calling?

Bonita La Salle,

the girl you gypped
out of the female lead

in an exciting new
Broadway play.

Uh, sweetheart,
it's not very nice

to air one's petty
grievances in public.

Don't worry about
it, Miss La Salle,

I turned that part down.

What are you talking about?

I'll tell you about it later.

Believe me, Miss La
Salle, that part is yours.

Sure, sweetheart, all
you need is $160,000.

Who needs $160,000?

A friend of mine is producing
an exciting new play.

Eddie!

There will be no
soliciting on the premises.

Oh, it's all right
for you to talk.

What about me?

All those years of dreaming.

Those two weeks
of acting lessons.

All for nothing.

That's show business.

Is there anything I can do?

There certainly is. Good.

There certainly is not.

There certainly is... not.

Excuse me, I'd like to speak
to Mr. Washington alone.

Yeah, well, I'll put the
picnic things in the car.

Let me help you.

Well, it's certainly been
nice meeting all of you.

I hope to have the
pleasure again some time.

All right, big mouth,
maybe from now on,

you'll leave the
public relations

to those of us with
dignity and charm.

Good-bye, Mr. Washington.

Good-bye.

If you ever find yourself
stranded in Brewster, New York,

don't hesitate to call me.

Thank you very much.

Good-bye, Mr. Washington.

Good-bye, young man.

Good-bye, sweetheart.

Good-bye, daddy.

If you think of it,

throw in a few words
to Mr. Washington

about your Aunt Deliah.

It's time she made a
wonderful wife for somebody.

I say, I'm sorry if I
caused you any trouble.

Oh, please don't say that.

I should be apologizing to you.

Not at all. It's been great fun.

But I do wish you'd let
me do something for you.

Oh, you already have.

How many girls
are given diamonds

and adequate wine,
even for one night?

I mean something
that you could keep.

And I was thinking of something
that means much more.

Oh? What's that?

I'd like you to be my friend.

And any time you
come to New York,

I'd enjoy the opportunity
of seeing you.

That would be delightful.

I... I say!

I've got to catch a plane.

Oh, Mr. Washington.

Yes?

You forgot the coat.

Oh, yes, the coat. Why
don't you just keep it, eh?

I wouldn't do that to
you, Mr. Washington.

Wouldn't? No.

You know that when
a man of your income

shows an interest
in a girl of my age,

the world thinks
the worst of them.

Yes, I suppose so.

Well, I wouldn't want that to
happen to me and my friend.

No. No, of course not.

Good-bye, Ann.

Good-bye, Mr. Washington.

Mr. Washington? Yes?

The next time you come in
from Chicago, would you mind

bringing me some peanut brittle?

Peanut brittle?

Yes, of course.

I say, do you
think the neighbors

might think something
if they see me

leaving your apartment
in the daytime?

No, no. I don't think so.

Oh. Good.

Good.

Bye, Ann.

Good-bye.

Best picnic I've ever been on

and best fried chicken
I've ever tasted.

And may I say the wine
you brought was adequate.

Adequate? I like that.

Well, you should.

According to Mr. Washington,
a wine has to be excellent

to be adequate.

What is that?

I don't know, but I can make
a rough guess who it's from.

"Andrew Washington."

"I realize you would
never ask for anything

"unless it was
extremely important,

"so I decided to
send this immediately

instead of waiting
until I return."

What is it?

300 pounds of peanut brittle.

You're kidding.

What am I going to do with it?

We can't even get
into the apartment.

Well, you can eat
your way through

or open up a shop.

Why not?

This is a pretty good location.