That Girl (1966–1971): Season 2, Episode 19 - Sixty-Five on the Aisle - full transcript
Ann's agent, Seymour Schwimmer, got Ann an audition as a one-week replacement in "The Nights of Queen Mary", a thus far year-long running successful Broadway play. If she gets the part, it will be her first ever on Broadway. She does end up getting the part. She invites her parents to attend her premiere performance. What Ann doesn't know is that her father bought sixty-five tickets in total for all their friends in Brewster for that night as a surprise cheering section for Ann. In turn, what Lew is unaware of is that because the ticket agent is aware of his party of sixty-five from Brewster who have to catch the last train back home, they have to leave the theater ten minutes before the climactic end of the play. So Bernard Paperny, the play's director, ends up having to cut ten minutes out of the play for that performance, most of which are at the expense of Ann's eloquent lines. When Ann tells her father not to come to that night's performance but to the one the following night instead, Lew ends up changing his sixty-five tickets to the following night, which leads to the cycle starting all over again. Will the perfect storm ever pass so that the Maries and their sixty-three friends will be able to see Ann perform in this play with all her lines in tact?
What?
What did you say?
I can't hear you.
Miss Marie, you're supposed to
be demonstrating the machine.
Please don't turn it off.
I only turned it off
for one second...
Not even for a second,
if you don't mind.
Yes, sir.
Not even for a second.
Miss Marie, did I not
make myself clear?
Yes, sir, you did, but
my agent's out there,
and he's trying to
tell me something.
Miss Marie, I
won't say this again.
Do not turn off the machine.
Is that clear?
Yes, sir, it is.
It's very clear.
From now on,
p-p-perpetual motion.
Who's fired? Me?
Not you. That girl!
♪♪
I'm sorry, truly sorry,
Ann, that you were fired,
but I'm not concerned.
You want to know
why I'm not concerned?
Because your career is about to
take a tremendous leap forward.
Oh, Seymour,
that sounds terrific,
and I don't even know
what you're talking about.
You said you got me a job.
I was lying.
What I got for you is
more important than a job.
I got you an interview.
An interview?
For a part for an entire week!
One of the girls got pneumonia!
That's terrific!
I mean, it's terrible
that she got pneumonia,
but it's terrific that I...
Which show is it?
The Knights of Queen Mary.
That show's a big hit, Seymour.
That's been on
Broadway over a year.
Exactly, and it's only fitting
that your debut on Broadway
should be made
in such a vehicle.
Oh, Broadway.
But I still have to
audition, don't I?
Are you sure they
want a brunette?
I could always change
the color of my...
What about the color of my eyes?
Seymour, I can't change
the color of my eyes.
Change nothing.
You impressed me.
You'll impress them.
Thank you, Seymour.
When you read for the director,
the Bernard Perperni,
you can do nothing
less than be great.
I'll certainly try.
What time is my appointment?
This afternoon at 3.
Will there be anything else?
No, thank you.
I had the chili dog
and the root beer,
and he had the
sauerkraut and cream soda.
Ann, please.
Put it all on my tab.
Well, thank you, Seymour.
My pleasure.
That'll be 86 cents.
On an occasion such as this,
you may keep the entire change.
Your Majesty, need I say more?
Prince Albert is here.
Well, what did you think?
Fantastic!
Mr. Perperni?
Very good.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Well, Miss Marie, I think
you can handle the part.
I told you. He says
you can handle the part.
That means you got the part.
Now I got to talk money.
Right.
Now about the money...
Seymour, who cares
about the money?
Ann...
Mr. Perperni, I have just
consulted with my client,
and she too feels that
she can handle the part.
Now, about the salary...
What are you asking?
What are you giving?
It really isn't important.
Ann, please.
My client is on the
move, Mr. Perperni.
$135.
$135?
I don't believe I said "5."
$130?
It's okay.
Okay? Did you say okay?
You mean that's a deal?
We... We have a deal.
That's a deal.
It's a deal.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
It's a pleasure doing
business with you, sir.
It's been an experience
working with you.
Miss Marie, we'll run through
your part Wednesday afternoon.
You know you open Friday night.
Friday, right. Friday.
Thank you very
much, Mr. Perperni.
Did I do good? You
were marvelous.
I was a little nervous.
Oh, no, Seymour.
I was so proud of you.
I know I could have
gotten you more money.
That's not the important thing.
The job's the important thing.
The part! I got the part!
I'm so excited.
You're excited? Feel my heart.
You want to sit down?
No, I'm okay.
Oh, Daddy, isn't this exciting?
Maybe it wasn't such
a bad idea after all.
What wasn't?
Your coming to New
York, living alone,
trying for a career.
Here you are now on Broadway.
You'll make a fortune,
be in movies, television,
and marry a millionaire.
Somehow, that makes
it all seem worthwhile.
Anything to make
you happy, Daddy.
I just throw in the
millionaire son-in-law
to make your mother happy.
Mother wouldn't
care if I married
the poorest man
in the whole world
as long as he was
handsome, intelligent,
and had a great future.
She figures what's
good enough for her
is good enough for you.
I gotta go rehearse.
Don't forget to
buy your tickets.
I'm going right now.
Don't forget my opening
is Friday the 18th.
Get two on the aisle.
Bye, Daddy. Bye, dear.
The Washington, D.C., State
Department Cultural Exchange,
coming for a theater
party on the 22nd, right?
Yes, we know your
plane arrives late,
but we have planned to
hold the curtain for you.
Yes, sir, it's all arranged.
You're most welcome.
Goodbye.
What can I do for you?
Friday night, the 18th,
on the aisle if possible.
Friday night, the 18th.
How many? 65.
I beg your pardon?
I realize they all
can't be on the aisle.
It's okay if some of
them are further in.
65 tickets?
Shh. Not so loud.
It's a surprise.
We usually get more than a
week's notice for a party that size.
You from out of town?
Brewster, New York. Any problem?
No, I think it can be arranged.
Good. How much is it?
Your Majesty, Prince Albert
has returned from Austria
in all his splendor.
He docked at Dover at 3:00
and is at this very moment
on his way to the castle,
on his way to your chambers,
and should be at this very
moment arriving at the gate.
That's very good. Very good.
In the second act,
I want to see tears.
Tears. Yes, sir.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to fill up my ducts.
Okay, I'm ready.
Go ahead.
Oh, Your Majesty, my
heart weeps with you.
It is not you who should
be crying, my queen.
I dare not say who deserves to,
or who should be
shedding those tears,
but please, Your
Majesty, do not cry.
That's my second
speech. What do you think?
Honey, you were really crying.
Did you believe me?
I certainly did.
But I never will again.
Oh, Donald,
now, that's not fair.
How can I be sure
if you're serious
or if you're just
fooling around?
You can always tell
when you know somebody
as well as you know me.
I don't know.
How can I be sure?
Donald, don't say that.
You don't know how it hurts me
when you say things like that.
Like I would ever do
anything to fool you.
Honey, wait a minute.
I was just kidding.
I wasn't serious.
I really wasn't.
Sweetie.
Sweetheart, I was just tea...
You were just fooling.
I told you you
could always tell.
Mr. Merral, I've been
checking the railroad schedule,
and we've got a problem.
What's the trouble, Barney?
We got a theater
party of 65 people
who are gonna get up right
in the middle of the last act,
10 minutes before curtain time,
and walk right
out of the theater.
What for?
They got to catch the last
train back to Brewster at 11:08.
It's the most important
scene in the play.
You can hear a pin
drop during that scene.
It'll ruin the performance.
Tell Perperni I'd like
to see him right away.
It would be terrific
if you'd pick my
parents up at the station.
Okay, good. I'll get 'em.
Then we can all
go out on the town.
Let's take them to Rocco's.
How about Sardi's?
Ann? I've been looking
for you everywhere.
I've been here having
lunch with Donald.
Hello, Donald. Hi, Seymour.
What's the matter?
Mr. Perperni wants to see you
at the theater right away.
Something's wrong.
Certainly not.
There's absolutely nothing
in the world to worry about.
However, I want you
to take it in your stride.
It's no reflection on
your talents as an actress
or on me.
They want a different girl?
Bite your tongue.
Honey, if they
wanted a different girl,
why would the want to see you?
So they can see us together
and be totally sure they
have a completely different girl.
Right, Seymour?
That's negative thinking.
But it's realistic thinking.
Isn't it realistic, Donald?
Honey, now take it easy.
You're beginning to
sound like Seymour.
You got a musical ear.
Calm down and go
down to the theater.
That's the only way you're
gonna find out what it's all about.
He's right.
Just go down to the
theater and find out.
I'll go down to the
theater and find out.
After all, no matter
what happens,
it's not a matter of
life and death, right?
Right. Right.
Wrong. It's a matter
of life and death.
Ann, I'm so glad
you could come over.
We have to make a
few cuts in the script.
Oh! A few cuts.
I thought you'd
found another girl.
No, no, nothing like that.
No, just a few changes.
Let me see, your first speech...
In the first act?
Yes, your first speech
will begin, "He's here."
That's the way it ends.
That's right.
I don't understand.
Instead of that long,
beautiful speech
about... about...
about "Your Majesty"
and "Prince Albert is
here in all his splendor"
and "he's arriving at the gate"
and "need I say more?",
all that's been cut?
No splendor, no arrival,
no "Your Majesty"?
Just "He's here"?
That's right.
If you'll just give
me a reading,
I can get a timing
on this thing.
I'll give you a cue, okay?
Go. He's here.
Fine.
Now the next one.
You mean "Your Majesty,
my heart weeps with you"?
Yeah, that's the one.
We've cut that
down to "Don't cry."
"Don't cry"?
The Queen says "So on and so on,
and so on and so on," and cue.
Don't cry.
Perfect. That's it.
You mean my third
speech, where I say,
"Your Majesty, I beg your
permission to take leave"...
That whole thing?
And "Your Majesty,
my days as your lady
in waiting are over,"
that's still in? Afraid not.
What do I say, "I quit"?
You don't say anything.
The Queen says, "You're fired."
Gee, I just don't understand.
I mean, you said...
When I tried out,
you seemed so
pleased and everything.
I just don't understand.
Take it easy. It's
only for one night.
Now, Friday night, we have
a theater party coming in.
Saturday, everything
goes back in.
One night?
One night.
We have to cut 10
minutes out of the show.
But it's only for the one night?
That's right.
Ohh... I thought...
You know what I thought.
It's all going to go
back on Saturday?
All of the lines go back then?
All of them?
All of them.
Oh, Mr. Perperni,
you won't regret it.
I promise you that.
Bye.
Don't you worry
one single second,
because you made
a very wise decision.
And thank you.
You're welcome.
This Saturday?
What it amounts to, Daddy,
is I really won't be
opening until Saturday night.
On Friday, I'll just be
sort of walking through it.
We'll just have to
change our plans.
We're not going all
the way into the city
just to see you take a walk.
No. Okay. Bye.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
Information, would
you give me the number
of the Empire
Theater in Manhattan?
Certainly I remember.
65 on the aisle
for Friday night from
Brewster, New York.
What?
You want to switch
from Friday to Saturday?
I don't know if we can do that.
Well, wait a minute.
What's your number up there?
I'll write it down,
I'll call you back.
Marie? Bernard Perperni.
I got good news for you.
That theater party
I told you about,
they're coming Saturday
instead of Friday,
so you'll be doing a
full show Friday after all.
Friday?
But, Mr. Perperni,
I'm all sort of,
you might say
primed for Saturday.
Actually, you see, my
parents are coming, and I...
Look, I understand, but
I have a problem, too.
Oh, well, certainly I can
appreciate your problem.
Oh, no, it's no
problem for me at all.
I'll just sort of turn
myself back a day,
like putting my nervous
system on daylight savings time.
Yes, that will be just fine.
Thank you very much.
Okay, thanks, Charlie.
I'm sorry to put you
to all this trouble,
but it'll be worth
it, I promise you.
Right, Saturday night.
I'll exchange the
railroad tickets
and take care
of all the details.
Goodbye.
Charlie and
Ethel, that's 62, 63.
Hello?
Hello, sweetheart.
Yes, we're all set
for... Friday night?
Ann, if this is some
sort of practical joke...
I'm sorry, Daddy,
but it's all been
changed back again.
Apparently, there's some
kind of trouble at the theater.
I'm not surprised.
What kind of fly-by-night
outfit are you dealing with?
Daddy, this show's
been a hit on Broadway
for over a year and a half.
Well, I'm sorry, Daddy,
but it's not my fault.
How difficult can it be
to exchange two tickets?
What did you say?
I'm sorry.
You sounded like you had
something stuck in your throat.
No, I don't mind.
I'll pick them up at the station
sometime between
Friday and Saturday.
Forget the whole thing.
I don't care if it
means 65 tickets!
It's just not worth
this much megillah!
Look, how would you
like to call that girl again
and tell her to
change back to...
Saturday? Mr. Perperni...
That's why I didn't want
to tell you over the phone,
because I just knew that
you'd react personally again.
It isn't that,
it's just that
it's very difficult
to explain to certain people
that aren't in show business.
They simply don't understand.
I'm having difficulty
understanding myself.
Every time I cut the play
so that they can
make their train,
this group from Brewster switch
their tickets to another night.
Brewster? Brewster, New York?
Yes.
You mean my Brewster?
You have a Brewster?
It's my hometown.
Is it a small town,
population about 65?
65?
Because the theater party is 65.
There are 65 people
from Brewster, New York.
Do you happen to know them?
I'll bet it's a surprise.
I'll bet my father got a
whole group together
to come down here
for my opening night.
That's it. That's the answer.
That's why they switch
nights every time I change you.
Oh, how terrible.
They must be
going crazy up there.
They have nothing
on us down here.
There must be some way
they can all see the whole show.
They could drive down.
In 65 cars? Where
would they park?
I was thinking of a bus.
A bus! That's it, a bus!
Mr. Perperni, would
you do me a favor?
I don't want to
ruin the surprise.
Call my father
and suggest a bus.
If you do that, I'd be
grateful to the day I die,
which could be
today if you said no.
Okay, I'll call them.
Sure thing, Lou.
Certainly, I'd be
glad to help you out.
Mm-hmm.
I'll take 34 off the
Friday night run,
send it into New York.
I'll even drive it myself.
Thanks a lot, Charlie.
Anything to help Annie.
Sure.
Goodbye.
Hey, Harry,
listen, 34's going in
on a New York run Friday night.
What do you think
she's gonna need?
Spark plugs, new carburetor,
generator, new tires,
fan belt, exhaust pipe,
battery, brake lining, brakes...
Harry, let me ask you something.
How's the chassis?
Chassis.
Your Majesty,
Prince Albert is here.
That's terrible.
Your Majesty,
Prince Albert is here.
That's even worse.
Just a minute.
Your Majesty,
Prince Albert is here.
Oh, hi.
I've heard of the caste
system in the theater,
but don't you think
dressing on the fourth floor
is carrying it a little far?
Why didn't you use the elevator?
There's an elevator?
Sure. I'll show you.
I was just on my
way down anyway.
Maybe you ought
to wait for your call.
Oh, Seymour, I just want to see
if everyone's here yet.
Everyone's here.
Oh. Well, I better hurry anyway.
It's only 40
minutes till curtain.
No, no, no.
It takes a few seconds to open.
That figures. It took
us hours to get up here.
Going down to stardom.
Seymour, don't say that!
I meant it as good luck.
That's like whistling
in the dressing room.
I take it back.
What happened? We stopped.
I don't know.
What button did you push?
"M" for "main."
"M"'s for "mezzanine."
Push "S" for "stage."
Sorry.
"S" for "stage." There we are.
We're not moving.
Push it again.
You sure "S" stands for "stage"?
Maybe it stands for "Stop."
No, I don't think so, Seymour.
I think the button that says
"Stop" stands for "stop."
Hey, we're going up!
Look out. There!
I pressed the stop button.
What did you do that for?
I thought you wanted me to.
Here, let me do it.
Nothing's happening.
Nothing's happening!
Honey, I know. You said that.
We're stuck in the elevator!
Wait a minute.
That's not gonna help.
You flooded it!
We're gonna try it again,
but this time... gently.
That was gently?
Should I yell?
No, no, no.
You ever notice there's no
alarm button on this elevator?
I better yell. Help! Help!
Seymour, that's not gonna help.
Donald, what are we gonna do?
We'll use the trap door.
What trap door?
Just look for it.
There's gotta be a trap door.
Donald, there's no trap door.
Ann, you may be doing a
part in a straight dramatic play,
but you are stuck in a
musical comedy elevator.
I think we... I told
you it could open.
Yeah!
Seymour! Seymour!
Careful, careful.
Seymour!
Donald, what time is it?
Wait a minute.
It's 8:37.
Donald, they're
gonna start the show,
and 65 people out there from
Brewster are waiting for me.
I'll never make my cue.
Honey, we're doing
everything we can.
Seymour, now...
Seymour, you're ripping my suit.
I can't hear you.
I got grease in my ears.
We're going to push
you through, Seymour.
Hold on now tight.
Here we go.
1, 2, 3!
I'm here.
Okay, Seymour...
Donald, the curtain's going up!
They're starting without me.
Please get me out of here.
Okay. Seymour, we're
gonna bring Ann through now.
Hurry.
Just put your foot in here.
Get me out of here.
Seymour, hold on to her!
Grab her now, Seymour.
Watch it, honey.
Get up the...
Donald, we made it!
We made it! I'm up okay!
Let me get the grease
off your make-up.
That's okay.
The just said I
had to play it good.
They didn't say I
had to play it clean.
Get me through this door.
Hold on. Just hold on a minute.
Hurry, Seymour.
I gotta make my...
All right, all
right. I'm doing it.
Here, take my foot.
Put my foot right
in there like that.
I'm coming. I got it.
Oh, Seymour, this is great.
Are you all right?
Careful! Careful, Seymour.
Excuse me.
Give me a good push.
Push! Oh, great.
I wait with trembling
hand and beating heart
for news from Dover.
News from Dover.
Where is she?
Somebody go get her.
News from Dover.
Wait. Wait a minute.
You can't go out there.
Half of you is filthy.
The audience will
never see that side.
I'll be fine.
Your Majesty, Prince
Albert has arrived.
Come in!
Honey, you were tremendous!
And you looked beautiful,
even if we only saw half of you.
Oh, thank you, Donald.
What about you,
Seymour? Did you like it?
She wants to know if I liked it.
I'm nauseous, that's
how much I liked it.
Daddy!
Sweetheart, I'm proud of you.
Brewster's proud of you.
What's that on your face?
Oh, that's a long story.
Did Mother like it?
She's the proudest of all.
Where is Mother?
She decided four
flights was too much,
so she took the elevator.
How long ago?
About 10 minutes ago.
Come to think of it,
she should have
been here before me.
Hang on, Mother!
We're coming! We're coming!
We'll be right back, Daddy.
Crazy show folk.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA
What did you say?
I can't hear you.
Miss Marie, you're supposed to
be demonstrating the machine.
Please don't turn it off.
I only turned it off
for one second...
Not even for a second,
if you don't mind.
Yes, sir.
Not even for a second.
Miss Marie, did I not
make myself clear?
Yes, sir, you did, but
my agent's out there,
and he's trying to
tell me something.
Miss Marie, I
won't say this again.
Do not turn off the machine.
Is that clear?
Yes, sir, it is.
It's very clear.
From now on,
p-p-perpetual motion.
Who's fired? Me?
Not you. That girl!
♪♪
I'm sorry, truly sorry,
Ann, that you were fired,
but I'm not concerned.
You want to know
why I'm not concerned?
Because your career is about to
take a tremendous leap forward.
Oh, Seymour,
that sounds terrific,
and I don't even know
what you're talking about.
You said you got me a job.
I was lying.
What I got for you is
more important than a job.
I got you an interview.
An interview?
For a part for an entire week!
One of the girls got pneumonia!
That's terrific!
I mean, it's terrible
that she got pneumonia,
but it's terrific that I...
Which show is it?
The Knights of Queen Mary.
That show's a big hit, Seymour.
That's been on
Broadway over a year.
Exactly, and it's only fitting
that your debut on Broadway
should be made
in such a vehicle.
Oh, Broadway.
But I still have to
audition, don't I?
Are you sure they
want a brunette?
I could always change
the color of my...
What about the color of my eyes?
Seymour, I can't change
the color of my eyes.
Change nothing.
You impressed me.
You'll impress them.
Thank you, Seymour.
When you read for the director,
the Bernard Perperni,
you can do nothing
less than be great.
I'll certainly try.
What time is my appointment?
This afternoon at 3.
Will there be anything else?
No, thank you.
I had the chili dog
and the root beer,
and he had the
sauerkraut and cream soda.
Ann, please.
Put it all on my tab.
Well, thank you, Seymour.
My pleasure.
That'll be 86 cents.
On an occasion such as this,
you may keep the entire change.
Your Majesty, need I say more?
Prince Albert is here.
Well, what did you think?
Fantastic!
Mr. Perperni?
Very good.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
Well, Miss Marie, I think
you can handle the part.
I told you. He says
you can handle the part.
That means you got the part.
Now I got to talk money.
Right.
Now about the money...
Seymour, who cares
about the money?
Ann...
Mr. Perperni, I have just
consulted with my client,
and she too feels that
she can handle the part.
Now, about the salary...
What are you asking?
What are you giving?
It really isn't important.
Ann, please.
My client is on the
move, Mr. Perperni.
$135.
$135?
I don't believe I said "5."
$130?
It's okay.
Okay? Did you say okay?
You mean that's a deal?
We... We have a deal.
That's a deal.
It's a deal.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
It's a pleasure doing
business with you, sir.
It's been an experience
working with you.
Miss Marie, we'll run through
your part Wednesday afternoon.
You know you open Friday night.
Friday, right. Friday.
Thank you very
much, Mr. Perperni.
Did I do good? You
were marvelous.
I was a little nervous.
Oh, no, Seymour.
I was so proud of you.
I know I could have
gotten you more money.
That's not the important thing.
The job's the important thing.
The part! I got the part!
I'm so excited.
You're excited? Feel my heart.
You want to sit down?
No, I'm okay.
Oh, Daddy, isn't this exciting?
Maybe it wasn't such
a bad idea after all.
What wasn't?
Your coming to New
York, living alone,
trying for a career.
Here you are now on Broadway.
You'll make a fortune,
be in movies, television,
and marry a millionaire.
Somehow, that makes
it all seem worthwhile.
Anything to make
you happy, Daddy.
I just throw in the
millionaire son-in-law
to make your mother happy.
Mother wouldn't
care if I married
the poorest man
in the whole world
as long as he was
handsome, intelligent,
and had a great future.
She figures what's
good enough for her
is good enough for you.
I gotta go rehearse.
Don't forget to
buy your tickets.
I'm going right now.
Don't forget my opening
is Friday the 18th.
Get two on the aisle.
Bye, Daddy. Bye, dear.
The Washington, D.C., State
Department Cultural Exchange,
coming for a theater
party on the 22nd, right?
Yes, we know your
plane arrives late,
but we have planned to
hold the curtain for you.
Yes, sir, it's all arranged.
You're most welcome.
Goodbye.
What can I do for you?
Friday night, the 18th,
on the aisle if possible.
Friday night, the 18th.
How many? 65.
I beg your pardon?
I realize they all
can't be on the aisle.
It's okay if some of
them are further in.
65 tickets?
Shh. Not so loud.
It's a surprise.
We usually get more than a
week's notice for a party that size.
You from out of town?
Brewster, New York. Any problem?
No, I think it can be arranged.
Good. How much is it?
Your Majesty, Prince Albert
has returned from Austria
in all his splendor.
He docked at Dover at 3:00
and is at this very moment
on his way to the castle,
on his way to your chambers,
and should be at this very
moment arriving at the gate.
That's very good. Very good.
In the second act,
I want to see tears.
Tears. Yes, sir.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to fill up my ducts.
Okay, I'm ready.
Go ahead.
Oh, Your Majesty, my
heart weeps with you.
It is not you who should
be crying, my queen.
I dare not say who deserves to,
or who should be
shedding those tears,
but please, Your
Majesty, do not cry.
That's my second
speech. What do you think?
Honey, you were really crying.
Did you believe me?
I certainly did.
But I never will again.
Oh, Donald,
now, that's not fair.
How can I be sure
if you're serious
or if you're just
fooling around?
You can always tell
when you know somebody
as well as you know me.
I don't know.
How can I be sure?
Donald, don't say that.
You don't know how it hurts me
when you say things like that.
Like I would ever do
anything to fool you.
Honey, wait a minute.
I was just kidding.
I wasn't serious.
I really wasn't.
Sweetie.
Sweetheart, I was just tea...
You were just fooling.
I told you you
could always tell.
Mr. Merral, I've been
checking the railroad schedule,
and we've got a problem.
What's the trouble, Barney?
We got a theater
party of 65 people
who are gonna get up right
in the middle of the last act,
10 minutes before curtain time,
and walk right
out of the theater.
What for?
They got to catch the last
train back to Brewster at 11:08.
It's the most important
scene in the play.
You can hear a pin
drop during that scene.
It'll ruin the performance.
Tell Perperni I'd like
to see him right away.
It would be terrific
if you'd pick my
parents up at the station.
Okay, good. I'll get 'em.
Then we can all
go out on the town.
Let's take them to Rocco's.
How about Sardi's?
Ann? I've been looking
for you everywhere.
I've been here having
lunch with Donald.
Hello, Donald. Hi, Seymour.
What's the matter?
Mr. Perperni wants to see you
at the theater right away.
Something's wrong.
Certainly not.
There's absolutely nothing
in the world to worry about.
However, I want you
to take it in your stride.
It's no reflection on
your talents as an actress
or on me.
They want a different girl?
Bite your tongue.
Honey, if they
wanted a different girl,
why would the want to see you?
So they can see us together
and be totally sure they
have a completely different girl.
Right, Seymour?
That's negative thinking.
But it's realistic thinking.
Isn't it realistic, Donald?
Honey, now take it easy.
You're beginning to
sound like Seymour.
You got a musical ear.
Calm down and go
down to the theater.
That's the only way you're
gonna find out what it's all about.
He's right.
Just go down to the
theater and find out.
I'll go down to the
theater and find out.
After all, no matter
what happens,
it's not a matter of
life and death, right?
Right. Right.
Wrong. It's a matter
of life and death.
Ann, I'm so glad
you could come over.
We have to make a
few cuts in the script.
Oh! A few cuts.
I thought you'd
found another girl.
No, no, nothing like that.
No, just a few changes.
Let me see, your first speech...
In the first act?
Yes, your first speech
will begin, "He's here."
That's the way it ends.
That's right.
I don't understand.
Instead of that long,
beautiful speech
about... about...
about "Your Majesty"
and "Prince Albert is
here in all his splendor"
and "he's arriving at the gate"
and "need I say more?",
all that's been cut?
No splendor, no arrival,
no "Your Majesty"?
Just "He's here"?
That's right.
If you'll just give
me a reading,
I can get a timing
on this thing.
I'll give you a cue, okay?
Go. He's here.
Fine.
Now the next one.
You mean "Your Majesty,
my heart weeps with you"?
Yeah, that's the one.
We've cut that
down to "Don't cry."
"Don't cry"?
The Queen says "So on and so on,
and so on and so on," and cue.
Don't cry.
Perfect. That's it.
You mean my third
speech, where I say,
"Your Majesty, I beg your
permission to take leave"...
That whole thing?
And "Your Majesty,
my days as your lady
in waiting are over,"
that's still in? Afraid not.
What do I say, "I quit"?
You don't say anything.
The Queen says, "You're fired."
Gee, I just don't understand.
I mean, you said...
When I tried out,
you seemed so
pleased and everything.
I just don't understand.
Take it easy. It's
only for one night.
Now, Friday night, we have
a theater party coming in.
Saturday, everything
goes back in.
One night?
One night.
We have to cut 10
minutes out of the show.
But it's only for the one night?
That's right.
Ohh... I thought...
You know what I thought.
It's all going to go
back on Saturday?
All of the lines go back then?
All of them?
All of them.
Oh, Mr. Perperni,
you won't regret it.
I promise you that.
Bye.
Don't you worry
one single second,
because you made
a very wise decision.
And thank you.
You're welcome.
This Saturday?
What it amounts to, Daddy,
is I really won't be
opening until Saturday night.
On Friday, I'll just be
sort of walking through it.
We'll just have to
change our plans.
We're not going all
the way into the city
just to see you take a walk.
No. Okay. Bye.
Goodbye, sweetheart.
Information, would
you give me the number
of the Empire
Theater in Manhattan?
Certainly I remember.
65 on the aisle
for Friday night from
Brewster, New York.
What?
You want to switch
from Friday to Saturday?
I don't know if we can do that.
Well, wait a minute.
What's your number up there?
I'll write it down,
I'll call you back.
Marie? Bernard Perperni.
I got good news for you.
That theater party
I told you about,
they're coming Saturday
instead of Friday,
so you'll be doing a
full show Friday after all.
Friday?
But, Mr. Perperni,
I'm all sort of,
you might say
primed for Saturday.
Actually, you see, my
parents are coming, and I...
Look, I understand, but
I have a problem, too.
Oh, well, certainly I can
appreciate your problem.
Oh, no, it's no
problem for me at all.
I'll just sort of turn
myself back a day,
like putting my nervous
system on daylight savings time.
Yes, that will be just fine.
Thank you very much.
Okay, thanks, Charlie.
I'm sorry to put you
to all this trouble,
but it'll be worth
it, I promise you.
Right, Saturday night.
I'll exchange the
railroad tickets
and take care
of all the details.
Goodbye.
Charlie and
Ethel, that's 62, 63.
Hello?
Hello, sweetheart.
Yes, we're all set
for... Friday night?
Ann, if this is some
sort of practical joke...
I'm sorry, Daddy,
but it's all been
changed back again.
Apparently, there's some
kind of trouble at the theater.
I'm not surprised.
What kind of fly-by-night
outfit are you dealing with?
Daddy, this show's
been a hit on Broadway
for over a year and a half.
Well, I'm sorry, Daddy,
but it's not my fault.
How difficult can it be
to exchange two tickets?
What did you say?
I'm sorry.
You sounded like you had
something stuck in your throat.
No, I don't mind.
I'll pick them up at the station
sometime between
Friday and Saturday.
Forget the whole thing.
I don't care if it
means 65 tickets!
It's just not worth
this much megillah!
Look, how would you
like to call that girl again
and tell her to
change back to...
Saturday? Mr. Perperni...
That's why I didn't want
to tell you over the phone,
because I just knew that
you'd react personally again.
It isn't that,
it's just that
it's very difficult
to explain to certain people
that aren't in show business.
They simply don't understand.
I'm having difficulty
understanding myself.
Every time I cut the play
so that they can
make their train,
this group from Brewster switch
their tickets to another night.
Brewster? Brewster, New York?
Yes.
You mean my Brewster?
You have a Brewster?
It's my hometown.
Is it a small town,
population about 65?
65?
Because the theater party is 65.
There are 65 people
from Brewster, New York.
Do you happen to know them?
I'll bet it's a surprise.
I'll bet my father got a
whole group together
to come down here
for my opening night.
That's it. That's the answer.
That's why they switch
nights every time I change you.
Oh, how terrible.
They must be
going crazy up there.
They have nothing
on us down here.
There must be some way
they can all see the whole show.
They could drive down.
In 65 cars? Where
would they park?
I was thinking of a bus.
A bus! That's it, a bus!
Mr. Perperni, would
you do me a favor?
I don't want to
ruin the surprise.
Call my father
and suggest a bus.
If you do that, I'd be
grateful to the day I die,
which could be
today if you said no.
Okay, I'll call them.
Sure thing, Lou.
Certainly, I'd be
glad to help you out.
Mm-hmm.
I'll take 34 off the
Friday night run,
send it into New York.
I'll even drive it myself.
Thanks a lot, Charlie.
Anything to help Annie.
Sure.
Goodbye.
Hey, Harry,
listen, 34's going in
on a New York run Friday night.
What do you think
she's gonna need?
Spark plugs, new carburetor,
generator, new tires,
fan belt, exhaust pipe,
battery, brake lining, brakes...
Harry, let me ask you something.
How's the chassis?
Chassis.
Your Majesty,
Prince Albert is here.
That's terrible.
Your Majesty,
Prince Albert is here.
That's even worse.
Just a minute.
Your Majesty,
Prince Albert is here.
Oh, hi.
I've heard of the caste
system in the theater,
but don't you think
dressing on the fourth floor
is carrying it a little far?
Why didn't you use the elevator?
There's an elevator?
Sure. I'll show you.
I was just on my
way down anyway.
Maybe you ought
to wait for your call.
Oh, Seymour, I just want to see
if everyone's here yet.
Everyone's here.
Oh. Well, I better hurry anyway.
It's only 40
minutes till curtain.
No, no, no.
It takes a few seconds to open.
That figures. It took
us hours to get up here.
Going down to stardom.
Seymour, don't say that!
I meant it as good luck.
That's like whistling
in the dressing room.
I take it back.
What happened? We stopped.
I don't know.
What button did you push?
"M" for "main."
"M"'s for "mezzanine."
Push "S" for "stage."
Sorry.
"S" for "stage." There we are.
We're not moving.
Push it again.
You sure "S" stands for "stage"?
Maybe it stands for "Stop."
No, I don't think so, Seymour.
I think the button that says
"Stop" stands for "stop."
Hey, we're going up!
Look out. There!
I pressed the stop button.
What did you do that for?
I thought you wanted me to.
Here, let me do it.
Nothing's happening.
Nothing's happening!
Honey, I know. You said that.
We're stuck in the elevator!
Wait a minute.
That's not gonna help.
You flooded it!
We're gonna try it again,
but this time... gently.
That was gently?
Should I yell?
No, no, no.
You ever notice there's no
alarm button on this elevator?
I better yell. Help! Help!
Seymour, that's not gonna help.
Donald, what are we gonna do?
We'll use the trap door.
What trap door?
Just look for it.
There's gotta be a trap door.
Donald, there's no trap door.
Ann, you may be doing a
part in a straight dramatic play,
but you are stuck in a
musical comedy elevator.
I think we... I told
you it could open.
Yeah!
Seymour! Seymour!
Careful, careful.
Seymour!
Donald, what time is it?
Wait a minute.
It's 8:37.
Donald, they're
gonna start the show,
and 65 people out there from
Brewster are waiting for me.
I'll never make my cue.
Honey, we're doing
everything we can.
Seymour, now...
Seymour, you're ripping my suit.
I can't hear you.
I got grease in my ears.
We're going to push
you through, Seymour.
Hold on now tight.
Here we go.
1, 2, 3!
I'm here.
Okay, Seymour...
Donald, the curtain's going up!
They're starting without me.
Please get me out of here.
Okay. Seymour, we're
gonna bring Ann through now.
Hurry.
Just put your foot in here.
Get me out of here.
Seymour, hold on to her!
Grab her now, Seymour.
Watch it, honey.
Get up the...
Donald, we made it!
We made it! I'm up okay!
Let me get the grease
off your make-up.
That's okay.
The just said I
had to play it good.
They didn't say I
had to play it clean.
Get me through this door.
Hold on. Just hold on a minute.
Hurry, Seymour.
I gotta make my...
All right, all
right. I'm doing it.
Here, take my foot.
Put my foot right
in there like that.
I'm coming. I got it.
Oh, Seymour, this is great.
Are you all right?
Careful! Careful, Seymour.
Excuse me.
Give me a good push.
Push! Oh, great.
I wait with trembling
hand and beating heart
for news from Dover.
News from Dover.
Where is she?
Somebody go get her.
News from Dover.
Wait. Wait a minute.
You can't go out there.
Half of you is filthy.
The audience will
never see that side.
I'll be fine.
Your Majesty, Prince
Albert has arrived.
Come in!
Honey, you were tremendous!
And you looked beautiful,
even if we only saw half of you.
Oh, thank you, Donald.
What about you,
Seymour? Did you like it?
She wants to know if I liked it.
I'm nauseous, that's
how much I liked it.
Daddy!
Sweetheart, I'm proud of you.
Brewster's proud of you.
What's that on your face?
Oh, that's a long story.
Did Mother like it?
She's the proudest of all.
Where is Mother?
She decided four
flights was too much,
so she took the elevator.
How long ago?
About 10 minutes ago.
Come to think of it,
she should have
been here before me.
Hang on, Mother!
We're coming! We're coming!
We'll be right back, Daddy.
Crazy show folk.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA