That Girl (1966–1971): Season 2, Episode 18 - The Rivals - full transcript
Ann and Donald are spending the weekend at Ann's parent's house in Brewster. Ann really hopes that Donald and Lew will get along, and she asks Donald to make every effort to appease her father. Donald reluctantly agrees, but it ends up not being the easiest thing for him to do as Lew is constantly trying to outdo Donald. Ann gets a little perspective from her mother about why Lew acts the way he does toward Donald. The already tense weekend takes a turn for the worse when Donald and Lew get into a fender bender with each other, with the only witness being Ann who was a passenger in Donald's car. Each of Donald and Lew feel they were in the right, with Lew in particular expecting Ann to side with him. In reality, Ann doesn't know who was at fault. But when a suggestion is made by Helen to Ann to Donald that he take responsibility with Helen paying the insurance bill so that Lew can save face, Donald has to decide if his integrity or making his potential future father-in-law feel superior is more important.
What are you doing?
I was sniffing the air. And?
And it smells like
a glorious day.
Did it also smell like
a glorious weekend?
Yes, it did. Good.
People who have glorious
weekends, you know,
get them by having
glorious attitudes.
Uh-huh. What's a
glorious attitude?
In terms of you and
me visiting my parents?
Uh-huh.
Well, in general, it's...
It's having confidence that
everything will go smoothly,
thereby relaxing
and being ourselves.
Mm-hmm. I see. And in specific?
In specific, it's avoiding
arguments with my father.
Hi, Daddy. Hello, sweetheart.
Hello, Mr. Marie.
Hi. I was about to
call the state police.
You said you'd be here by 3:00.
What time is it?
12 minutes after.
We're sorry.
We should have stopped
off at a gas station and called.
Which highway exit did you use?
Exit 19. No wonder
you were so late.
It's much quicker if
you get off at Exit 20.
How can that be if
your house is halfway...
Donald. What?
Think glorious.
Thanks for the tip, Mr. Marie.
Next time, I'll take 20.
You see, her
mother's a big worrier.
She's phoned twice
from the beauty parlor.
No need to worry, I assure you.
Don't assure me.
I know how you feel.
No, you don't know how I feel.
You're only her boyfriend.
How would you like to
be the father of that girl?
♪♪
Here we are.
Who'll have some more coffee?
I'll have some, dear.
Just a great dinner, Mrs. Marie.
It really was, Mom, marvelous.
My compliments to the cook.
Well, now for a
glorious evening.
How about going to a movie?
That's a good idea.
What's playing?
The Brewster has Cold
Wind from Palermo,
directed by Alfredo Vespi.
Oh, I hear that's brilliant.
I'll find out what
time it starts.
Helen, is Alfredo Vespi the same
guy that made Empty Aqueduct?
Empty Viaduct.
Aqueduct is a racetrack.
What difference does that make?
We saw the picture,
and we hated it.
You hated it. I loved it.
So did Ann and I.
I couldn't understand it...
A bunch of people walking
up and down sand dunes
in their pajamas.
Symbolic, dear. Of what?
Of people's empty lives.
Bored me stiff.
You have a point there, Daddy.
I thought you loved it.
Well, actually, I
didn't really love it.
I sort of liked it.
But you're right,
the pajamas were
definitely boring.
What else is playing?
What I'd like to see
is a real rip-snorting Western.
Me, too.
I'll bet there are four or
five on television tonight.
Why don't we watch a few?
A few?
If the three of you insist on
seeing Cold Wind From Pastrami...
Let's take a vote.
I'll go along with the majority.
I vote for Westerns.
Me, too.
Well, why don't we saddle up
and mosey into the living room?
How would you
like your eggs, Don?
Sunny side up,
please. Thank you.
Ann?
I'd like mine scrambled, please.
Just a minute. I'll make them.
Well, I see we made
it through another day
without the world going orrey.
What's so funny about that?
The way you said
"orrey" instead of "awry."
That's a pretty good...
Never mind.
Just a moment,
are you saying the word A-W-R-Y
isn't pronounced "orrey"?
I think it's "awry."
Isn't it?
I've always
pronounced it "orrey."
So have I.
"Orrey": A-W-R-Y.
That's it.
On second thought,
yeah, I'm probably wrong
about..."orrey."
I'll look it up in
the dictionary.
Donald, why did you
have to disagree with him?
Because he's right.
The word is "awry."
I know that, but what
difference does it make?
Now he thinks you're
trying to show him up.
But I wasn't.
I thought he was making a joke.
It's "awry,"
with the accent on
the second syllable.
Well, I guess you showed me up.
It's just that Donald's
a professional writer.
And I'm just a lowly
restaurant owner,
who never even
went to college...
Only because my father was poor
and I had to go out and fight
my way through the jungle.
Well, what's the
weather forecast today?
"Sunny and continued warm."
The fact that a man may
not like a formal education
doesn't prove he's stupid.
I agree with you 100%.
Somehow I've always managed
to keep a roof over my family's head
and food on the table.
Such marvelous food, too, Daddy.
Mother, where did you
ever get this orange juice?
From oranges.
One should judge a
man by his character,
not by the way he
pronounces "orrey,"
shouldn't one?
Yes, sir, one should.
Thank you.
You know, Mother, I
just don't understand it.
What, dear?
Why Daddy doesn't like Donald.
He likes him very much.
Then why is he so upset
whenever Don's around?
Is he? I hadn't noticed.
Oh, come on, Mother.
We both know when
Daddy gets his hackles up.
The thing is I just
don't understand why.
You would, I think, if
you thought about it.
Will you give me a hint?
It isn't that your
father dislikes Don,
it's that he loves you.
I don't follow that.
Well, as far as he's
concerned, you're still his girl,
and when you come home to visit,
you brighten his life
like nothing in this world.
How can I brighten
his life so much
and make him so
irritable at the same time?
He gets overanxious, you see.
He wants it to be
the same thrill for you
that it is for
him... and for me.
But it is.
No, darling, it isn't.
It isn't that you
don't want to see us.
I think you do,
but your parents are no longer
the center of your existence.
You have your
career, your friends,
and one special friend in Don.
Isn't that perfectly normal?
Of course it's perfectly normal.
But you have to remember
that Don is the first boy who...
No, I take that back...
The first man with whom
you've become really serious.
Are you saying that
Daddy's afraid I'll get married?
No! I'm saying that
he has mixed emotions
about no longer being the
number one man in your life.
Mother, nobody could
ever replace Daddy.
He should know that.
He does, but he thinks that
Don's trying to muscle in.
You mean he
considers Donald a rival?
In a word, yes.
Mother, that's so silly.
That's why he competes with him.
The vocabulary contest
and that business about
his not having been to college
when he knows Don has.
Would Daddy be happier if
Donald hadn't gone to college?
Oh, but of course not.
You're being logical about this,
and I'm trying to explain to you
that logic has very
little to do with it.
Mother, the way I
feel about Donald
doesn't have anything to do
with the way I feel about Daddy.
I'm a grown woman now.
He resents that, too.
It's a standard parent dilemma.
With sons it affects
the mother more,
and with daughters it
affects the father more.
So what do I do about it?
Nothing.
Nothing? As in not anything?
Just be sympathetic
and help him realize
that he's not really
being tossed aside,
he's being slightly relocated.
What's the score?
3 serving 20.
Come on, Donald.
Daddy must have
more than 3 points.
I do not.
I know how many I have.
I just lost track of
how many he has.
3 serving 20.
I can't believe it.
You seem so evenly matched.
You're just out of
practice, Daddy.
I'll bet you haven't
played ping-pong in years.
I played two nights ago.
I beat your Aunt
Delia 6 games in a row.
That's it. Your game.
It was a lot closer
than the score indicates.
Why don't you play?
I didn't give the champion
enough of a contest?
No, sir, I just thought
we'd all take turns.
Well, come on, Marie.
I know you're gonna trounce me,
but let's go.
You play with him.
I have to go to work.
On Saturday morning?
To make out the payroll.
May I please have
the keys to your car
so I can move it
out of the driveway?
Oh, well, here.
Let me do it for you.
Why? Don't you trust me?
Yes, sir... For
your information,
I have never had a
traffic ticket or an accident
in over 30 years of driving.
Which is a lot more important
than winning at ping-pong.
Ann. What?
I am rapidly reaching
the conclusion
that your father hates me.
Donald, it isn't
that he hates you.
It's just that he loves me.
Mom and I were just talking
about the psychology of it.
The psychology of what?
I'll tell you later.
You could have let him
win a few more points.
I tried to.
Can I help it if
he's a lousy player?
He is not a lousy player.
His game just
went a little "orrey."
Standard parents' dilemma.
If we were spending the
weekend at your parents' house,
you're mother would
be competitive with me.
She would not.
Oh, Donald, she would, too.
She'd quietly take you aside
and tell you straight
from the shoulder
that I'm too good for you.
Ha ha.
One weekend she said
that to Elizabeth Taylor.
She then married Richard
Burton on the rebound.
Please, no jokes.
Honey, I understand
the psychology of it,
but what am I
supposed to do about it?
Be sympathetic, nothing else.
What's keeping him?
How long can it take to
make out a few checks?
I wonder if he's just
sitting their brooding.
Oh, Donald, come on,
let's drive over and see.
Okay, okay, honey.
Please?
He'll brood a lot
better if we're there.
Which way? Turn left here.
Donald, look out!
Stupid idiot.
Donald, don't say that.
Why not?
Because he's my father.
Hi there.
Daddy, are you hurt?
No, are you?
No, I'm fine. Me, too.
You I didn't ask.
The first accident in my
life and it had to be you.
Mr. Marie, I tried to
get out of your way,
but you ran right into me.
I ran into you? Yes, sir.
You must be out of your mind.
You ran into me.
Mr. Marie, with
all due respect...
With all due respect,
I hold you entirely and
criminally responsible...
and I have a witness.
Who?
Who do you think?
My daughter.
What do you say?
Yeah, honey, tell
him what you say.
Well... I say... I say...
I say I hope we can
settle this out of court.
Okay, just tell him I called.
Consider yourself fortunate
that my attorney is out
of town for the weekend.
Doesn't anyone want lunch?
No, thanks, Mom.
We're not hungry.
Where's your father?
He's upstairs.
Searching for his rifle.
Donald, would you
please stop exaggerating?
Honey, you're saying
that to the wrong person.
Now, who's making a
federal case out of this?
I introduce this as Exhibit "A".
What is it?
My Brewster Boosters Award.
"Be it known to all ye citizens
"that the Brewster
Boosters hereby proclaim
Mr. Lou Marie as the safe
driver for the year 1947."
If you don't believe me,
you can see for yourself.
No, no, I believe you.
Where were you in 1947?
Uh... in kindergarten.
You won an award
for safe driving?
No, just for finger painting.
I guess that proves
who ran into who.
Daddy, look, why don't
we just compromise
and say that you both
ran into each other?
That isn't a
compromise, that's a lie.
I'll be back in a little while.
Where are you going?
You'll find out soon enough.
Meanwhile, don't
you leave this house.
He's rounding up a posse.
Donald, would you stop it.
Honey... Just... Mr. Hollinger.
Would you step outside?
You told me not
to leave this house.
Your armored tank is
blocking the driveway.
Now what's he up to?
I haven't any idea.
Now let me as you a question.
Whose fault was this accident?
Mother, I really don't know.
You were there, weren't you?
Yes, but I wasn't
paying any attention.
I looked up and I saw
the 2 cars coming together,
then boom-boom, crunch-crunch.
Well, do you know what kind
of collision insurance Don has?
$50 deductible.
So has Daddy.
Mother, believe me,
neither of the cars
has $50 worth of damage.
Then let me make a suggestion.
What?
Don assumes full
blame for the accident
so your father can save face,
and I will pay
Don's repair bill.
Mother, that's
downright bribery.
I was hoping you
wouldn't notice.
You're kidding!
I am not!
Why should I admit
that I ran into him
when I know he ran into me?
To make him happy.
Honey, I'm sorry. I refuse.
You refuse? Yes.
On what possible basis?
Well, in the first place,
if I take legal responsibility
for an automobile accident,
my insurance company
will raise my rates.
For two itty-bitty
dented fenders?
They're very strict with
males in my age group.
And in the second place,
it's an unfair request.
Why?
I shouldn't be asked to
make your father happy
at the expense of my integrity.
Oh... pish tosh.
That's pretty strong language.
Donald...
your integrity is
not involved here.
It's a simple case
of a younger man
soothing an older man's ego.
Honey, I've been...
Will you please be quiet?
I've been soothing his
ego ever since I got here.
I said Exit 20 was
better then Exit 19.
I pretend to enjoy a
rip-snorting Western
with Rod Cameron
and Veda Ann Borg.
I backed down on how
to pronounce "awry",
and I shaved points
in a ping-pong game!
Big deal. However...
I will not say I ran into
him when he ran into me.
I can't... I can't believe it.
You can't believe what?
I'm seeing you in a whole
new light, Donald Hollinger.
You won't sooth my father's ego
because you're too
concerned with your own ego.
That's not true.
Psychologically speaking,
you're just as
competitive as he is.
Oh, that's
ridiculous. It is not!
It is not. It is, too!
If you're out to destroy him,
the least you could
do is not eat his fruit.
Uh, Ann.
Yes, Donald?
Your daddy is home.
Good. I missed him.
He brought a policeman.
What are you doing?
Getting ready to be handcuffed.
Hello, Ben. Hello, Mrs. Marie.
What brings you here?
Your husband.
Show Ben inside, dear.
I'll be down in a minute.
Oh?
Hello, Officer Cooper.
Hello, Ann. How's
the famous actress?
Just fine, thank you.
Officer Ben Cooper,
this is Don Hollinger.
How do you do, sir?
Lou's told me a lot about you.
Ha ha. I'll bet.
What's that, a
warrant for my arrest?
No, no, it's a form to fill out
and send in to the
Bureau of Motor Vehicles.
All accidents have
to be reported.
Do you mean to say that's what
Daddy dragged you off duty for?
Oh, no, he didn't
drag me off duty.
I was already off duty.
He dragged me out of the house.
Ah.
"Brewster Boosters
Safe Driver of the Year."
Oh, yes, I've heard of this.
They gave it up in
1950 when the winner
got drunk and
drove in the reservoir.
The hearing is now in session.
What do you mean?
Ben is conducting a
hearing to determine
which driver
caused the accident.
Honestly? As a
favor to an old friend.
That's what I like,
an impartial hearing.
Daddy! Where did you find that?
In the attic.
That's my old blackboard.
Look, there's Humpty
Dumpty and Simple Simon.
Never mind Humpty
Dumpty and Simple Simon.
We're using it for diagrams.
Everybody be seated, please.
I'll open the case
for the prosecution.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I intend to prove...
Uh, Lou, in the interest
of time... and my night off...
Why not let the unbiased witness
tell us the way it happened?
That's a good idea.
It's my hearing.
But it's my blackboard.
Now, we have here a
residential cross street...
with... 4 stop signs.
Daddy was in vehicle
"A" going south.
The accused was in
vehicle "B" going east.
Ah! I object.
Who said I was the accused?
Excuse me. Defendant.
I object to that, too.
How about worthy opponents?
What difference does it make?
I reached my stop sign first.
Ah! I object to that, too.
That's prejudiced testimony.
Objection overruled.
You can't do that. You're
a witness, not a judge.
Don't be a sore loser.
You'll get your chance later.
Forgive me.
I throw myself on
the mercy of the court.
Donald!
Now, vehicle "A" proceeded
across the intersection...
whereupon vehicle
"B" made a left turn...
whereupon...
boom-boom, crunch-crunch.
That's not testimony,
that's a breakfast jingle.
I say he ran into me.
The prosecution rests.
The defense says he ran into me.
The defense rests. All right.
Officer Cooper?
Well, assuming
that both vehicles
reached the intersection
at the same time,
vehicle "B" has
the right of way.
Why?
Because it was
coming from the right.
Who made that silly rule?
The state of New York.
Oh.
Therefore, if the
driver of vehicle "B"
indicated his
left turn properly,
then the driver of
vehicle "A" is, uh...
responsible for the collision.
Just a second. Hold it!
Lou, you were wrong.
Take it like a man.
I will not. He did
not signal a left turn.
But, Mr. Marie... Don't but me!
You didn't have your left
arm extended out your window.
I didn't have to. I used
my signal indicator.
Except...
that my turn indicator
has the left light
bulb burned out...
so it isn't working.
A-ha!
Your turn indicator
wasn't working.
That changes the
situation completely.
Does it?
Oh, it sure does.
If that signal isn't visible,
"A" is innocent
and "B" is guilty.
Sorry, young fella.
Well, I have to run along.
Oh, and don't forget,
both of you have to
send in these forms.
Ben. Yes, Lou?
I don't know how I'll
ever be able to thank you.
Thus ends one of the
great trials of the century.
I meant to have that
bulb fixed last week,
I really did.
We know, Donald.
Mr. Marie.
Yes, my boy?
Sir, I humbly apologize,
and I promise that either I
or my insurance company
will pay you for
all your damages.
I think that's wonderful.
You think what's wonderful?
It takes strength of character
to admit you're wrong.
Why? He did not
admit he was wrong
until after I'd proved it.
Well, I agree with Mother.
He does have
strength of character.
Even though I wish
he'd taken my advice
and admitted he was
wrong in the first place.
How could you admit he was
wrong when he thought he was right?
To sooth your ego.
No, sir.
A man has to fight
for what he believes in.
Do you know what took
real strength of character?
No, sir, what?
Not taking her advice.
Boy, how would you like
to play a little ping-pong?
I'd love to. Ha ha!
Well, back in big town.
After 1/3 of a glorious weekend.
However, I feel
your father and I
really began to make contact.
And you both have
the fenders to prove it.
No, I mean it.
I feel our conflicts
brought us closer together.
I hope so.
But you certainly didn't
learn much of a lesson.
Wait a minute. What
do you mean by that?
You didn't signal before you
turned left in front of my house.
I certainly did.
You didn't put your arm out.
I used my turn indicator.
It's broken.
It is not. Didn't
you see it bl...
Yes, I did.
Thank you, Donald.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, Ca
I was sniffing the air. And?
And it smells like
a glorious day.
Did it also smell like
a glorious weekend?
Yes, it did. Good.
People who have glorious
weekends, you know,
get them by having
glorious attitudes.
Uh-huh. What's a
glorious attitude?
In terms of you and
me visiting my parents?
Uh-huh.
Well, in general, it's...
It's having confidence that
everything will go smoothly,
thereby relaxing
and being ourselves.
Mm-hmm. I see. And in specific?
In specific, it's avoiding
arguments with my father.
Hi, Daddy. Hello, sweetheart.
Hello, Mr. Marie.
Hi. I was about to
call the state police.
You said you'd be here by 3:00.
What time is it?
12 minutes after.
We're sorry.
We should have stopped
off at a gas station and called.
Which highway exit did you use?
Exit 19. No wonder
you were so late.
It's much quicker if
you get off at Exit 20.
How can that be if
your house is halfway...
Donald. What?
Think glorious.
Thanks for the tip, Mr. Marie.
Next time, I'll take 20.
You see, her
mother's a big worrier.
She's phoned twice
from the beauty parlor.
No need to worry, I assure you.
Don't assure me.
I know how you feel.
No, you don't know how I feel.
You're only her boyfriend.
How would you like to
be the father of that girl?
♪♪
Here we are.
Who'll have some more coffee?
I'll have some, dear.
Just a great dinner, Mrs. Marie.
It really was, Mom, marvelous.
My compliments to the cook.
Well, now for a
glorious evening.
How about going to a movie?
That's a good idea.
What's playing?
The Brewster has Cold
Wind from Palermo,
directed by Alfredo Vespi.
Oh, I hear that's brilliant.
I'll find out what
time it starts.
Helen, is Alfredo Vespi the same
guy that made Empty Aqueduct?
Empty Viaduct.
Aqueduct is a racetrack.
What difference does that make?
We saw the picture,
and we hated it.
You hated it. I loved it.
So did Ann and I.
I couldn't understand it...
A bunch of people walking
up and down sand dunes
in their pajamas.
Symbolic, dear. Of what?
Of people's empty lives.
Bored me stiff.
You have a point there, Daddy.
I thought you loved it.
Well, actually, I
didn't really love it.
I sort of liked it.
But you're right,
the pajamas were
definitely boring.
What else is playing?
What I'd like to see
is a real rip-snorting Western.
Me, too.
I'll bet there are four or
five on television tonight.
Why don't we watch a few?
A few?
If the three of you insist on
seeing Cold Wind From Pastrami...
Let's take a vote.
I'll go along with the majority.
I vote for Westerns.
Me, too.
Well, why don't we saddle up
and mosey into the living room?
How would you
like your eggs, Don?
Sunny side up,
please. Thank you.
Ann?
I'd like mine scrambled, please.
Just a minute. I'll make them.
Well, I see we made
it through another day
without the world going orrey.
What's so funny about that?
The way you said
"orrey" instead of "awry."
That's a pretty good...
Never mind.
Just a moment,
are you saying the word A-W-R-Y
isn't pronounced "orrey"?
I think it's "awry."
Isn't it?
I've always
pronounced it "orrey."
So have I.
"Orrey": A-W-R-Y.
That's it.
On second thought,
yeah, I'm probably wrong
about..."orrey."
I'll look it up in
the dictionary.
Donald, why did you
have to disagree with him?
Because he's right.
The word is "awry."
I know that, but what
difference does it make?
Now he thinks you're
trying to show him up.
But I wasn't.
I thought he was making a joke.
It's "awry,"
with the accent on
the second syllable.
Well, I guess you showed me up.
It's just that Donald's
a professional writer.
And I'm just a lowly
restaurant owner,
who never even
went to college...
Only because my father was poor
and I had to go out and fight
my way through the jungle.
Well, what's the
weather forecast today?
"Sunny and continued warm."
The fact that a man may
not like a formal education
doesn't prove he's stupid.
I agree with you 100%.
Somehow I've always managed
to keep a roof over my family's head
and food on the table.
Such marvelous food, too, Daddy.
Mother, where did you
ever get this orange juice?
From oranges.
One should judge a
man by his character,
not by the way he
pronounces "orrey,"
shouldn't one?
Yes, sir, one should.
Thank you.
You know, Mother, I
just don't understand it.
What, dear?
Why Daddy doesn't like Donald.
He likes him very much.
Then why is he so upset
whenever Don's around?
Is he? I hadn't noticed.
Oh, come on, Mother.
We both know when
Daddy gets his hackles up.
The thing is I just
don't understand why.
You would, I think, if
you thought about it.
Will you give me a hint?
It isn't that your
father dislikes Don,
it's that he loves you.
I don't follow that.
Well, as far as he's
concerned, you're still his girl,
and when you come home to visit,
you brighten his life
like nothing in this world.
How can I brighten
his life so much
and make him so
irritable at the same time?
He gets overanxious, you see.
He wants it to be
the same thrill for you
that it is for
him... and for me.
But it is.
No, darling, it isn't.
It isn't that you
don't want to see us.
I think you do,
but your parents are no longer
the center of your existence.
You have your
career, your friends,
and one special friend in Don.
Isn't that perfectly normal?
Of course it's perfectly normal.
But you have to remember
that Don is the first boy who...
No, I take that back...
The first man with whom
you've become really serious.
Are you saying that
Daddy's afraid I'll get married?
No! I'm saying that
he has mixed emotions
about no longer being the
number one man in your life.
Mother, nobody could
ever replace Daddy.
He should know that.
He does, but he thinks that
Don's trying to muscle in.
You mean he
considers Donald a rival?
In a word, yes.
Mother, that's so silly.
That's why he competes with him.
The vocabulary contest
and that business about
his not having been to college
when he knows Don has.
Would Daddy be happier if
Donald hadn't gone to college?
Oh, but of course not.
You're being logical about this,
and I'm trying to explain to you
that logic has very
little to do with it.
Mother, the way I
feel about Donald
doesn't have anything to do
with the way I feel about Daddy.
I'm a grown woman now.
He resents that, too.
It's a standard parent dilemma.
With sons it affects
the mother more,
and with daughters it
affects the father more.
So what do I do about it?
Nothing.
Nothing? As in not anything?
Just be sympathetic
and help him realize
that he's not really
being tossed aside,
he's being slightly relocated.
What's the score?
3 serving 20.
Come on, Donald.
Daddy must have
more than 3 points.
I do not.
I know how many I have.
I just lost track of
how many he has.
3 serving 20.
I can't believe it.
You seem so evenly matched.
You're just out of
practice, Daddy.
I'll bet you haven't
played ping-pong in years.
I played two nights ago.
I beat your Aunt
Delia 6 games in a row.
That's it. Your game.
It was a lot closer
than the score indicates.
Why don't you play?
I didn't give the champion
enough of a contest?
No, sir, I just thought
we'd all take turns.
Well, come on, Marie.
I know you're gonna trounce me,
but let's go.
You play with him.
I have to go to work.
On Saturday morning?
To make out the payroll.
May I please have
the keys to your car
so I can move it
out of the driveway?
Oh, well, here.
Let me do it for you.
Why? Don't you trust me?
Yes, sir... For
your information,
I have never had a
traffic ticket or an accident
in over 30 years of driving.
Which is a lot more important
than winning at ping-pong.
Ann. What?
I am rapidly reaching
the conclusion
that your father hates me.
Donald, it isn't
that he hates you.
It's just that he loves me.
Mom and I were just talking
about the psychology of it.
The psychology of what?
I'll tell you later.
You could have let him
win a few more points.
I tried to.
Can I help it if
he's a lousy player?
He is not a lousy player.
His game just
went a little "orrey."
Standard parents' dilemma.
If we were spending the
weekend at your parents' house,
you're mother would
be competitive with me.
She would not.
Oh, Donald, she would, too.
She'd quietly take you aside
and tell you straight
from the shoulder
that I'm too good for you.
Ha ha.
One weekend she said
that to Elizabeth Taylor.
She then married Richard
Burton on the rebound.
Please, no jokes.
Honey, I understand
the psychology of it,
but what am I
supposed to do about it?
Be sympathetic, nothing else.
What's keeping him?
How long can it take to
make out a few checks?
I wonder if he's just
sitting their brooding.
Oh, Donald, come on,
let's drive over and see.
Okay, okay, honey.
Please?
He'll brood a lot
better if we're there.
Which way? Turn left here.
Donald, look out!
Stupid idiot.
Donald, don't say that.
Why not?
Because he's my father.
Hi there.
Daddy, are you hurt?
No, are you?
No, I'm fine. Me, too.
You I didn't ask.
The first accident in my
life and it had to be you.
Mr. Marie, I tried to
get out of your way,
but you ran right into me.
I ran into you? Yes, sir.
You must be out of your mind.
You ran into me.
Mr. Marie, with
all due respect...
With all due respect,
I hold you entirely and
criminally responsible...
and I have a witness.
Who?
Who do you think?
My daughter.
What do you say?
Yeah, honey, tell
him what you say.
Well... I say... I say...
I say I hope we can
settle this out of court.
Okay, just tell him I called.
Consider yourself fortunate
that my attorney is out
of town for the weekend.
Doesn't anyone want lunch?
No, thanks, Mom.
We're not hungry.
Where's your father?
He's upstairs.
Searching for his rifle.
Donald, would you
please stop exaggerating?
Honey, you're saying
that to the wrong person.
Now, who's making a
federal case out of this?
I introduce this as Exhibit "A".
What is it?
My Brewster Boosters Award.
"Be it known to all ye citizens
"that the Brewster
Boosters hereby proclaim
Mr. Lou Marie as the safe
driver for the year 1947."
If you don't believe me,
you can see for yourself.
No, no, I believe you.
Where were you in 1947?
Uh... in kindergarten.
You won an award
for safe driving?
No, just for finger painting.
I guess that proves
who ran into who.
Daddy, look, why don't
we just compromise
and say that you both
ran into each other?
That isn't a
compromise, that's a lie.
I'll be back in a little while.
Where are you going?
You'll find out soon enough.
Meanwhile, don't
you leave this house.
He's rounding up a posse.
Donald, would you stop it.
Honey... Just... Mr. Hollinger.
Would you step outside?
You told me not
to leave this house.
Your armored tank is
blocking the driveway.
Now what's he up to?
I haven't any idea.
Now let me as you a question.
Whose fault was this accident?
Mother, I really don't know.
You were there, weren't you?
Yes, but I wasn't
paying any attention.
I looked up and I saw
the 2 cars coming together,
then boom-boom, crunch-crunch.
Well, do you know what kind
of collision insurance Don has?
$50 deductible.
So has Daddy.
Mother, believe me,
neither of the cars
has $50 worth of damage.
Then let me make a suggestion.
What?
Don assumes full
blame for the accident
so your father can save face,
and I will pay
Don's repair bill.
Mother, that's
downright bribery.
I was hoping you
wouldn't notice.
You're kidding!
I am not!
Why should I admit
that I ran into him
when I know he ran into me?
To make him happy.
Honey, I'm sorry. I refuse.
You refuse? Yes.
On what possible basis?
Well, in the first place,
if I take legal responsibility
for an automobile accident,
my insurance company
will raise my rates.
For two itty-bitty
dented fenders?
They're very strict with
males in my age group.
And in the second place,
it's an unfair request.
Why?
I shouldn't be asked to
make your father happy
at the expense of my integrity.
Oh... pish tosh.
That's pretty strong language.
Donald...
your integrity is
not involved here.
It's a simple case
of a younger man
soothing an older man's ego.
Honey, I've been...
Will you please be quiet?
I've been soothing his
ego ever since I got here.
I said Exit 20 was
better then Exit 19.
I pretend to enjoy a
rip-snorting Western
with Rod Cameron
and Veda Ann Borg.
I backed down on how
to pronounce "awry",
and I shaved points
in a ping-pong game!
Big deal. However...
I will not say I ran into
him when he ran into me.
I can't... I can't believe it.
You can't believe what?
I'm seeing you in a whole
new light, Donald Hollinger.
You won't sooth my father's ego
because you're too
concerned with your own ego.
That's not true.
Psychologically speaking,
you're just as
competitive as he is.
Oh, that's
ridiculous. It is not!
It is not. It is, too!
If you're out to destroy him,
the least you could
do is not eat his fruit.
Uh, Ann.
Yes, Donald?
Your daddy is home.
Good. I missed him.
He brought a policeman.
What are you doing?
Getting ready to be handcuffed.
Hello, Ben. Hello, Mrs. Marie.
What brings you here?
Your husband.
Show Ben inside, dear.
I'll be down in a minute.
Oh?
Hello, Officer Cooper.
Hello, Ann. How's
the famous actress?
Just fine, thank you.
Officer Ben Cooper,
this is Don Hollinger.
How do you do, sir?
Lou's told me a lot about you.
Ha ha. I'll bet.
What's that, a
warrant for my arrest?
No, no, it's a form to fill out
and send in to the
Bureau of Motor Vehicles.
All accidents have
to be reported.
Do you mean to say that's what
Daddy dragged you off duty for?
Oh, no, he didn't
drag me off duty.
I was already off duty.
He dragged me out of the house.
Ah.
"Brewster Boosters
Safe Driver of the Year."
Oh, yes, I've heard of this.
They gave it up in
1950 when the winner
got drunk and
drove in the reservoir.
The hearing is now in session.
What do you mean?
Ben is conducting a
hearing to determine
which driver
caused the accident.
Honestly? As a
favor to an old friend.
That's what I like,
an impartial hearing.
Daddy! Where did you find that?
In the attic.
That's my old blackboard.
Look, there's Humpty
Dumpty and Simple Simon.
Never mind Humpty
Dumpty and Simple Simon.
We're using it for diagrams.
Everybody be seated, please.
I'll open the case
for the prosecution.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I intend to prove...
Uh, Lou, in the interest
of time... and my night off...
Why not let the unbiased witness
tell us the way it happened?
That's a good idea.
It's my hearing.
But it's my blackboard.
Now, we have here a
residential cross street...
with... 4 stop signs.
Daddy was in vehicle
"A" going south.
The accused was in
vehicle "B" going east.
Ah! I object.
Who said I was the accused?
Excuse me. Defendant.
I object to that, too.
How about worthy opponents?
What difference does it make?
I reached my stop sign first.
Ah! I object to that, too.
That's prejudiced testimony.
Objection overruled.
You can't do that. You're
a witness, not a judge.
Don't be a sore loser.
You'll get your chance later.
Forgive me.
I throw myself on
the mercy of the court.
Donald!
Now, vehicle "A" proceeded
across the intersection...
whereupon vehicle
"B" made a left turn...
whereupon...
boom-boom, crunch-crunch.
That's not testimony,
that's a breakfast jingle.
I say he ran into me.
The prosecution rests.
The defense says he ran into me.
The defense rests. All right.
Officer Cooper?
Well, assuming
that both vehicles
reached the intersection
at the same time,
vehicle "B" has
the right of way.
Why?
Because it was
coming from the right.
Who made that silly rule?
The state of New York.
Oh.
Therefore, if the
driver of vehicle "B"
indicated his
left turn properly,
then the driver of
vehicle "A" is, uh...
responsible for the collision.
Just a second. Hold it!
Lou, you were wrong.
Take it like a man.
I will not. He did
not signal a left turn.
But, Mr. Marie... Don't but me!
You didn't have your left
arm extended out your window.
I didn't have to. I used
my signal indicator.
Except...
that my turn indicator
has the left light
bulb burned out...
so it isn't working.
A-ha!
Your turn indicator
wasn't working.
That changes the
situation completely.
Does it?
Oh, it sure does.
If that signal isn't visible,
"A" is innocent
and "B" is guilty.
Sorry, young fella.
Well, I have to run along.
Oh, and don't forget,
both of you have to
send in these forms.
Ben. Yes, Lou?
I don't know how I'll
ever be able to thank you.
Thus ends one of the
great trials of the century.
I meant to have that
bulb fixed last week,
I really did.
We know, Donald.
Mr. Marie.
Yes, my boy?
Sir, I humbly apologize,
and I promise that either I
or my insurance company
will pay you for
all your damages.
I think that's wonderful.
You think what's wonderful?
It takes strength of character
to admit you're wrong.
Why? He did not
admit he was wrong
until after I'd proved it.
Well, I agree with Mother.
He does have
strength of character.
Even though I wish
he'd taken my advice
and admitted he was
wrong in the first place.
How could you admit he was
wrong when he thought he was right?
To sooth your ego.
No, sir.
A man has to fight
for what he believes in.
Do you know what took
real strength of character?
No, sir, what?
Not taking her advice.
Boy, how would you like
to play a little ping-pong?
I'd love to. Ha ha!
Well, back in big town.
After 1/3 of a glorious weekend.
However, I feel
your father and I
really began to make contact.
And you both have
the fenders to prove it.
No, I mean it.
I feel our conflicts
brought us closer together.
I hope so.
But you certainly didn't
learn much of a lesson.
Wait a minute. What
do you mean by that?
You didn't signal before you
turned left in front of my house.
I certainly did.
You didn't put your arm out.
I used my turn indicator.
It's broken.
It is not. Didn't
you see it bl...
Yes, I did.
Thank you, Donald.
Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, Ca