That Girl (1966–1971): Season 1, Episode 8 - Little Auction Annie - full transcript

Beautiful cut-glass vase,
ladies and gentlemen.

$25.00 is the bid, do I hear 30?

I have a bid of
25, do I hear 30?

Thirty.

30 once, 30 twice,
and sold, $30.00.

Now, the next item,
ladies and gentlemen,

is this box of
assorted brick-a-brack

from the estate of Jonathan Fox.

Item 47 in your catalog.

A veritable Pandora's
Box, ladies and gentlemen.

What do I hear
for it? Two dollars!



$2, I have... You don't
even know what's in there.

That's the fun of it. It could
be something absolutely terrific.

Yeah, that's how I
got my snowshoes.

Wears them to
breakfast every day.

$3, do I hear 3.50?

3.50.

Four!

Five. Six!

Six, I have six.

Now, certainly it's worth more
than $6, ladies and gentlemen.

6.50!

Lady, you're bidding
against yourself.

Oh, sorry.

$6, I have $6. Do I hear more?



Six once, six twice...

Seven! What are you doing?

I got excited.

I have seven. I have
seven, do I hear more?

7.50.

7.50. I have 7.50 once...

One more word, you can
start packing your snowshoes.

Sold for 7.50. Ah! I got it.

I got it. Next item,

this beautiful antique clock.

Excuse me. That carton of odds
and ends from the Fox estate.

Have they auctioned it off
yet? Afraid you're too late.

It just went. Oh,
no. Who bought it?

Over there.

That girl.

♪♪

Forty.

$40. I have $40
bid. Do I hear 45?

Look at all this stuff.

7.50 was a bargain.

Sure, the dust alone's
worth more than that.

You just wait until we... Miss.

I understand that you just
bought this carton of, uh...

Junk? Right.

It is not junk.

Would you consider selling it?

I just bought it. Why
didn't you bid on it?

I got here late.

Oh, that's too bad.

I got it for 7.50.

I was prepared to
go as high as, uh...

shall we say $30?

Thirty dollars?

Some junk if it's worth $30.

Sell. Will you?

Well, I really couldn't.

Like your friend says,
it's just a bunch of junk.

Well, maybe. But
junk's my favorite thing.

You sure you won't
change your mind?

Sure.

Well, thank you,
Miss, uh... Marie.

Thanks anyway.

Thirty dollars.

Wow.

There must be
something great in there.

I told you I had
something terrific.

All we gotta do is get it
home and find out what it is.

Oh, look.

What is that? It's a
bunch of old match books.

Hey, great! You can put it
right next to your pipe rack.

Oh, here's something darling.

What is it? It's
an old candlestick.

Only needs a screw in
the bottom, it'd be real nice.

Why don't you use the one
that fell out of the pipe rack?

What do you think
this is? A baseball.

It could be a cigarette lighter.

How'd you get a
lighter out of a baseball?

I've seen them. They come
in half and you lift them up.

This isn't one, but you
could make one out of this.

I'll get it.

Hello. Is, uh, Miss
Marie at home?

Uh... yes. Uh... she is.

Ann, you better
come here a minute.

Okay. Now, Donald,
don't mess up the junk.

I-I won't mess up the junk.

Come in.

Oh, uh, hello, Mister, uh...

Mister... Johnson.

I thought now you had a
chance to look the junk over,

you might reconsider selling it.

How did you find me?

Talk of coincidences.

I was on my way across town

and I just happened to see
you folks get out of the cab.

Ah.

And you followed us up here.

Hi, fellas. Hi there.

Look, Miss Marie,
what would you say

if I offered you $50
for the whole works?

I'll take it.

Judy, he's talking to me.

Uh, excuse us. Excuse us just
a minute, please. Come here.

What are you waiting
for? That's a lot of money.

I know, but don't you think there's
something strange about this?

I mean, he followed
us. Ann, take the money.

Oh, Donald, he's after
something. What do you say?

Well, I haven't
looked at half the junk.

What about the things you've
looked at and don't want?

Would you sell me those?

Like what?

Hmm, like this pipe
rack, picture frame,

and I'll even settle
for the baseball.

I'll pay you $10 for this.

Just a minute.

What do you want
with that old thing?

Oh, I don't know.
It's kind of personal.

He's after the baseball.
Good. Sell it to him.

Why? Because
$10 is a lot of money.

No, I mean why is he after it?

Maybe the base is made
out of silver or platinum.

Or tin. Ann, you're being silly.

I'm being cautious.

Mr. Johnson, I've
thought it over,

and I'd like to keep
all my junk just as it is.

I tried, Mr. Johnson.
Oh, how I tried.

Uh, look, Miss Marie...

Please, somebody come quick.

Mrs. Morrissey.
What's the matter?

That boy, that crazy
boy. He did it again.

What's the matter? Patrick
locked himself in the bathroom.

How do you know? That's
what he always does.

The psychiatrist said
give him his own way.

It's better I should hit him
and he should hate me.

I'll get my bag.

Is there another key?

No.

Don't be smart, Patrick.

What do you think? I don't know.

Break in the door.

Oh, Donald, you think...

Oh, Donald... Wait a minute.

Before you ruin the door,
maybe I can help. Who are you?

I'll need a coat hanger
and a newspaper.

Hanger and newspaper.
What do you need those for?

He's gonna read the
newspaper and hang up his coat.

It's an old trick but
it's worth a try. Try. Try.

Well, here we go.

What is he doing?

Hey, Patrick. Go
look out the window.

There's a big airplane there.

I wanna distract him.

I wanna kill him.

Now like so.

Oh, that's terrific.

You're a genius!

A regular genius. Thank you.

All right, young man.

Just for that,
you're gonna get it.

I can't watch
television tonight?

Yes, but only in
black and white.

Thank you so much.

I don't know how to thank you
all. You've just been wonderful.

Where'd you learn
a trick like that?

Oh, I don't know. Picked
it up somewhere, I guess.

Well, that was
definitely heroic.

And as a reward, perhaps you'd
be willing to sell me that junk?

Well, uh, I don't know.

Look, after I've looked
through most of it, we'll see.

Why don't you give
me your number?

Well, let me call you.
Oh, I can call you.

No, I'd rather call you.

Oh, okay.

Well, goodbye, Miss Marie.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Bye. Thanks a lot for
helping with Patrick.

Strange guy, huh?

Yeah.

There's something about him.

Well, one thing we
know for sure. What?

He has a definite
thing for old baseballs.

Should we get back
to the junk heap?

Yeah, right after Ann
makes me a sandwich.

Right after we go
out for a sandwich.

Well, why can't you make me one?

Well, Donald, all I
have is milk and yogurt

and that makes a
very sloppy sandwich.

How can you spend
7.50 for a box of junk,

and then argue about being charged
10 cents for lettuce on a sandwich?

Donald, it's the principle.

But the menu said
bacon and tomato.

It never mentioned lettuce.

It didn't mention bread either.

Ann, Ann, a sandwich
always has bread.

And a bacon and tomato
sandwich always has lettuce.

Foolish of me.

♪♪

Did you leave the door unlocked?

No, Donald, I don't think so.

Okay.

Wait. Just wait a minute.

Oh, Donald, you don't think...

Wait, wait, wait.

Donald, I always lock this door.

Everything looks okay to me.

Ah! My rent money.

Ann, I told you to
put it in the bank.

That's just what I did, too.

I don't think anybody broke in.

No, I... I guess not.

Okay. Here, I'll
help you with this.

I mean, not that I own
anything worth burgling.

Burglying.

Burgularying.

How do you say that?

Uh, burglarizing.

Unless... Unless what?

Unless Johnson, our friendly
neighborhood door opener...

Are you serious?
Donald, you've got to admit

there's something here he wants.

That baseball.

Exactly. Come on.

It's gone. Yeah, it is gone.

Donald, it all fits together.

He tracked us here.

Yeah. Yeah, and
then he cased the joint.

And while we were out,
he came in for the kill.

For a crummy baseball?
I can't believe that.

Yeah, but there's obviously a lot more
to that ball than just being a baseball.

I mean, we all admitted
he acted strange.

Yeah. And he didn't want
to give us his phone number.

Donald, I'm gonna
call the police.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Ann.

Johnson looked
like a pretty nice guy.

Yeah, and I hear Jack the
Ripper's just terrific during the day.

Hello, Operator?

Operator, this is
a private citizen.

I'd like the police
right away, please.

No, no. It's not an emergency.

I would like to
report a, uh... uh...

a possible baseball theft.

♪♪

Who is it?

Officer Dumbrowski.

Oh, hello, Officer. Come on in.

Miss Ann Marie? Yes.

Oh, my boyfriend was here,

but he had to go,
and I was alone

and this was hanging
on the wall and I...

I can appreciate that, Ma'am.

You're not a detective.

I beg your pardon?

I always thought they sent
a man with a suit and hat.

Oh, that comes later,

after I check out the complaint.

Believe me, Ma'am,
I ask good questions.

Oh, I'm sure you do, Officer.

Like for instance what happened?

Well, my boyfriend and I
went out for a sandwich.

Actually, I had a sandwich.

He had three pancakes,
pinky sausages,

and a sunny-side-up egg.

He was hungry.

Okay, when did you get back?

Well, let's see.

I think it was about 6:30.

Now, what happened
after you and your friend

entered the apartment?

Well, uh, Donald looked
around... that's my friend.

And I run over here to the
desk and I pulled out this chair

and I looked up here
for my rent money.

You can probably still see some
of the sour balls around on the floor.

And the money was missing?

Oh no. It's in the bank.

Yeah.

Well, let me put it another way.

Exactly what was missing?

My baseball.

Baseball, one.

Gold, silver, platinum?

Horse hide and string.

You mean... like that?

That kind?

Yeah. A baseball baseball.

Miss, it's not very smart to
play pranks on the police.

Oh, Officer, I'm not pranking.

We got this ball at the auction
where we all met Mr. Johnson.

Who's Mr. Johnson?

The man who stole my baseball.

You know who stole it?

It had to have been him.

Don't you see? Who
else would want to steal it?

A ring of international
sporting goods thieves.

Who is it?

Mrs. Morrissey. Do you mind?

Just in case it's
somebody you like.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Morrissey.

Oh, uh, excuse me. I didn't
know you had a policeman.

Oh, that's okay. I thought
you might be looking for this.

Oh, my baseball.

Let me guess.
That's Mr. Johnson.

You left it in my apartment
this afternoon, remember?

During all the fuss.

Oh, yes, thank you very much.

I left it in her apartment this
afternoon during all the fuss.

Well, it's all very simple,
Officer Dumbrowski.

We all rushed over
to her bathroom

where Patrick,
who's six, her son,

and Mr. Johnson had
this newspaper and hanger

and in the rush,
somebody must've taken it.

I guess it was
me and this is it.

Never mind. I don't wanna hear.

I've already used
up all my sick leave.

I don't know what to say.

Perfect. You're mad.

No, not really.

While you and I
were playing baseball,

I could have been
chasing an armed robber.

♪

Am I glad I caught
you. This is so exciting.

What's so exciting?

The latest news about
your baseball thief.

Oh, he's not a baseball thief.

You're telling me.

He's a spy.

Who's a spy?
Your baseball thief.

Look at this.

A monkey riding
in a trolley car?

Ann, where are your eyeballs?

Look at the picture. It's him.

Him.

Where? In the middle.

Hey, it sure does look like him.

It is him. He's a spy.

We-well, maybe he's
one of the F.B.I. men.

No, because they
give their names, see.

Mr. X apprehended
by F.B.I. agents

Jim Hanes, Charles
Powers, and Arnold Cain.

And your guy is Johnson.
They don't mention him.

'Cause he's Mr. X. Right.

Oh my gosh. Where'd
you get this magazine?

It's two months old.

Wait a minute. If he was
captured two months ago,

what was he doing
here yesterday?

Maybe he escaped.

Or maybe he's out on bail.

Or maybe they didn't have
sufficient evidence to hold him.

That's it! What's it?

The baseball. He
needs the baseball.

A message.

I'll bet there's a
secret message

in the baseball,
like in a spy story.

Oh, Judy. This is a spy story.

Oh, Ann. You've just
got to call the F.B.I.

and let them worry about it.

Oh, no. We are
not calling the F.B.I.

Not yet. Why not?

I've gotta be sure first.

I made a fool of
myself with the police.

I know. We'll call Donald.

Okay.

Wait a second.

Is Leon in his office?

What do you want with Leon?

I want his office.

Ann, he uses his office

to examine expectant mothers.

Right! And we can use that expectant
equipment to examine the baseball

and see if there's
any secret hidden in it.

Or we could be wasting our time.

Dial.

Hmm. What is it?

Those stitches are beautiful.

I wish I could
get mine like that.

Leon, what's that in the center?

Cork.

Leon, don't you see
anything unusual at all?

Hmm. What?

Don, did you break the
index finger on your left hand?

Yeah. It didn't knit very well.

It bothers you when
it rains? Terrible.

You know what you should
do? Will you two stop?

What about the baseball?
One thing for sure.

What? It's not pregnant.

Leon, do you see anything?

I mean aside from
"American Official League".

Not yet.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, maybe
I do at that. Oh, Leon, what?

It looks like it's
wiped out but there's...

seems to be some writing in ink.

What does it say?

It's two words.

White house.

Y-y-you mean like in Washington?

The president place?

Does it say anything else?

Yeah, but I can't make it out.

Ooh, what if we put
lemon juice on it?

Well, you'd have a
very sour baseball.

Now let's face it, kids.

If we're really smart, we'll
let the pros take it from here.

Oh, Donald, Leon's right. We
should call the F.B.I. immediately.

All right. Let's go
back to your place.

Ann, what did you do?

As long as we came back, I
thought I might as well change.

- I've never been to the F.B.I.
- before.

Who's that?

I don't know.

Donald, hide the ball.

Okay, okay.

It's me, Miss Marie.

Can I come in?

Oh, uh, really, uh, Mr...

Please, please, I'm...
I wanna talk to you.

Oh, hi there. Hello.

Uh, hello. We were just leaving.

Weren't we just leaving,
Donald? Just a minute of your time.

I'm... well, I'm
almost desperate.

Oh, desperate. Well sure, I
mean, in that case, come right in.

Messy. Real messy.

I suppose the best thing
is to begin with the truth.

Uh, ye-yes, uh, b-by all means.

Excuse me.

Before you start, do you mind
if I talk to Ann for a second?

Not at all, but I don't
have much time.

We don't either.

Donald, what are we gonna do?

I don't know. He's probably here
to get the stuff and leave town.

Please be quiet. Let
me think. The back door.

We'll go out the back door. I don't
have a back door. What are we gonna do?

I know one thing. You're going
in the bedroom. Lock the door.

No good. Don't argue with me.

But I got to go through the
living room to get to the bedroom.

And he's in the
living room. Yes.

Yeah, that's a good
argument. Oh, all right.

Here. Bop him with that.

I don't think so. Wait a minute.

Here. Use that. A potato peeler?

He'll be shooting, I'll
be peeling. Oh, Donald.

Miss Marie, I have to hurry.

Just a minute. Donald, let's
just give him what he wants.

It's our only chance.
Yeah, yeah. All right.

He won't get very far anyway.

At least we can live
to read about it, huh?

Coming! Yeah, okay.

Don't be scared. I'll take
care of it. I'll just talk to him.

Come on. All right. Ready?

Now then, Mr. Uh, uh, uh...

Johnson. Ye-yeah,
Johnson, as you were saying.

First, you should know
my name is not Johnson.

We know all about it.

We saw the picture.
What picture?

Uh, right here.

Right... right here.

That picture. There.

Oh, that. Just part of the job.

I can imagine.

And here, you can have
your old baseball, too.

But don't worry, you
won't get far, Mr. X.

Mister... No wonder
you're acting strange.

I better...

I'm just getting out my wallet.

F.B.I.?

My real name is Charles Powers.

Most people call me Chuck.

That one is Mr. X.

If your real name is Powers,
why call yourself Johnson?

We can be trusted.

In matters of national
security, probably.

About my baseball, I'm not sure.

Chuck Powers.

Chuck Powers.

Chuck Powers.

I know that name from somewhere.

That's what I was afraid of.

That's why I didn't
give you my real name.

Now, about the ball.

The ball!

Chuck Powers. Baseball!

Utility third baseman. Right.

Oh, Donald, you remember.

Chuck Powers' homerun won the
Pennant in the last play-off game of 1955.

I didn't know you in 1955.

Oh, you were real cute.

I mean, you're still very nice.

Don't tell me that's the ball.

That's right.

My only major league homerun.

That was a famous homerun.

Famous enough so the
Hall of Fame wants the ball.

Um, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Now wait a minute. Ann
got that ball at the auction.

How did Jonathan Fox get it?

He was at the game in the
stands and caught the ball.

When I tried to buy it, he
realized how important it was

and wanted $1,000.

A thousand?

You wouldn't expect to find a
rat like that at a baseball game.

Kind of shakes your faith.

That's why you gave me a
phony name, so I wouldn't be a rat.

Right.

The White House,
the White House.

Donald, you're tickling.

Sorry. Now wait a
minute, Mr. Powers.

Before I buy any of this,

I wanna know exactly
what those words mean.

What words? Right there.

Right there in some
kind of tricky ink, huh?

White House.

Oh, not White House.

Whitey Houston. He's the pitcher
who threw me the homerun ball.

Oh, I remember Whitey Houston.

Big, tall right-hander,
divorced three times.

Donald, you remember him.

1955 is a blank.

Well, Mr. "Homerun"
Powers, permit me.

Next stop, the Hall of Fame.

How much?

Oh, we owe it to you.

For what?

For not shooting us.

Us? What about him?

You almost got
potato-peeled to death.

That's all we had.

You think staring at that junk's
gonna make it any more valuable?

We're trying to
decide who gets what.

Who gets what? Yeah.

Ann's gonna give
me some of this stuff.

You can make some
great things out of it.

You're trying to
decide who gets what?

Yes. You want me to help?

I wish you would. Judy
wants the pipe rack and so do I.

And I want the candlestick
holder and so does she.

I understand. Okay.

Here's the way we settle
it. What are you doing?

You'll see. Oh, I know.
You put the stuff in there.

We close our eyes, reach
in, whatever we get we keep.

Almost. I'm gonna
put all the stuff in here

and when you close your eyes,

I'm gonna take it out and I'm
gonna give it all to the junk man.

Don't dare!

Donald!