That Girl (1966–1971): Season 1, Episode 7 - Help Wanted - full transcript

You know, you're irresponsible.

All week, you've
been looking for a job.

You still haven't found one, and you go
out and spend a fortune on new earrings.

Oh, they were on sale. And besides,
my morale needed a big boost.

Which do you like
better? I like the drop.

Don't you think they
make my face look long?

So wear one of each.

I'm not gonna wear either pair.

Hi, Donald. Hi.

You got today's paper?
Hi, Judy. Hi, Don.

Yeah, it's on the coffee
table. I'll get my coat.



Okay. What do you wanna see?

Uh, Hunger in the Sky, The Battle of the
Worm People or The Horrible Mr. Baby?

I wanna see a love story.

Good. Then it's The
Battle of the Worm People.

Are you and Leon going
with us? No, he's delivering.

Don't you know there's
a population explosion?

Yeah, I sure do.
Today, it hit my office.

My secretary is gonna
have a baby. Oh, great.

Yeah, great for her,
but not for me. She quit.

She's not gonna have that kid for seven
and a half months and she quit today.

Well, some women get
queasy right from the beginning.

They really can't work.

What's the big problem?
You just hire another girl.

Ann, you get
used to a secretary.



She learns to understand
your work habits.

She learns to... Wait a minute.

I got an idea.

It's so simple.

All you have to do is replace
your secretary with another girl.

I know that, Judy. But who?

That girl.

♪♪

♪♪

But I'd like just one good
reason why you shouldn't hire me.

Well, uh, you have no
experience as a secretary.

Right. Give me one more.

Ann, look, the job
requires an expert typist.

Oh, I got A's in
high school typing.

Thank you.

Look, Ann. You said you
weren't gonna pressure me.

But that's what you're doing.

Oh. Sorry.

I thought we were
merely discussing it.

Hey, look, this looks good.

A hot fudge banana
split with cashew nuts.

It's a great idea.
Fine. I'll order two.

No, I mean Judy's
idea about hiring me.

Ann, look, don't
you ever give up?

You're right. What am I
making such a big fuss about?

I mean, it's just a job, just
a way of earning money,

to pay the rent and to buy food,

and clothing, and
medical supplies.

Look, Ann, let me
explain something to you.

First of all, it is not
my decision alone.

Jerry Bauman and I
share one secretary.

So, he has a voice in this, too.

Oh, I'm sure Jerry
wouldn't object to me.

Yeah, probably not, because
Jerry is not dating you.

Oh, Donald, don't worry.

In the office, our relationship
will be purely business.

And outside the
office, purely personal.

Ann. Ann, can I be perfectly frank
with you without you getting mad?

Of course. Okay.

Well, I just don't think I'd like to have
you working in the same office with me.

Okay. Forget it.

You don't want me as your
secretary and that's final.

That's your decision
and, and I accept it.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay, can we order now?

No, I'd like to go home. What?

Well, Donald, I've got a big
day ahead of me tomorrow.

Job hunting.

Huh, okay.

Okay, Ann. Okay.

If Jerry approves,
you've got the job.

Oh, Donald.

♪♪

So when I got home, I realized it
would be too much of an imposition.

On who? Well, on you, of course.

She's my girlfriend, and I
have no right to inflict her on you.

So, now look, Jerry, I want
you to know, I understand.

I don't. Well, you
know what I mean.

No. Well, I just
don't think it's fair

to mix you up in my
personal life, right?

Well, what's that got to
do with Ann's working here?

It's perfectly all right with
me. She can start tomorrow.

I always thought
we were friends.

We are. Yeah, but when I
really need you, where are you?

♪♪

Good morning, Ann. Good morning.

Welcome to our news factory.

Thank you. Oh, I hope Donald didn't
give you too much pressure about

hiring me. Too much? Uh, no.

I wouldn't say it was too much.

Good.

Good morning, Ann. Good morning.

Mr. Bauman is in his office,
and there are no messages.

Very good.

I've never seen you this early in
the morning. You look wonderful.

Most girls, they look terrible
first thing in the morning.

Do they? Oh, well, that's
only hearsay, of course.

I-I don't know first hand.

I mean, I just
hear them talking.

I mean, I just thought it
was general knowledge.

Anyway, you look gorgeous.

Mr. Hollinger, that is a
very personal comment.

And as we agreed,
during business hours,

we should keep
everything businesslike.

Uh, y-y-yes, yes, you're right.

Oh, oh, I usually get
here much earlier than this.

My alarm clock didn't go off
this morning. No, no really.

Really, I know that sounds silly,
but that's really what happened.

Ann, would you... Hi, Don.

Isn't this a little
early for you?

No. No, it's not.

Ann, I'd like you
to type this for me.

An original and two
carbons. No rush.

All right.

It's no good,
Jerry. It's no good.

Give her a chance. She's
only been here five minutes.

I knew it wouldn't work
before she ever got here.

I found myself apologizing
to her for being late.

That's not her fault.

Shh... Shh...

Uh-oh, she lied to me.

She can't even type. I
told her it wasn't a rush.

Hi. I'm just cleaning the keys.
It'll make the copy a lot cleaner.

Don, relax. Everything
will be all right.

Yeah, because she cleans
the keys? What does that prove?

Why did it have to
happen this week?

This week? Yeah, my
Otto Bergman article.

It's not going fast enough and
Hamlin's beginning to turn the heat on.

Well, we don't have to
worry about her typing.

That's about the best job
of typing I've ever seen.

Not a single mistake.

Thank you, Mr. Bauman.

We're not quite that
formal around here.

Nobody gets paid very
much. We all use first names.

I'll remember that.

Oh.

Oh. Excuse me.

Oh, it's, uh, it's okay.
I-I-I was just thinking.

Oh. Well, excuse me for
disturbing your thinking.

No, no, no, I mean
it. I really was thinking.

Uh, uh, s-sometimes, I'm
sharper when I'm lying down.

I don't know. Maybe it's the blood rushing
to your head or, or, uh, maybe it's, uh...

Oh, why don't we let some
of this lovely sunshine in?

You know, you really shouldn't cut
yourself off from that gorgeous view.

What do you want?

Oh, well, uh, I was just
wondering if you wanted anything.

Uh, no, no, nothing.

Well, if you do,
I'm right out there.

Yes, I know.

♪♪

Oh, hello.

This is for Mr. Hollinger.

Thank you.

Sure, Melanie, honey,
love of my life. Listen,

Melanie, you gorgeous
thing, why don't you

leave that broken-down husband of
yours and come away with me to Tahiti?

And I'll send in a new
voucher filled out properly.

Right. Thank you.

Good-goodbye.

Well, it's one
call after another.

Busy, busy, busy.

Oh, t-t-that's one of the girls
in the Accounting Department.

She okays a lot of the
expense accounts stuff.

Oh, I like her name.

Melanie Honey. That's very nice.

Look, Ann, guys talk like
that on the phone all the time.

I mean it, it doesn't
mean anything. It's a...

Do you have something for me?

Oh, yes. This just came.

Thanks.

Why don't we make
this place cheery?

These are your reports, and I
typed out your expense account.

Thanks. You get an A on
your first day. Thank you.

Goodnight, Ann. Goodnight.

Oh, would you mind saying
goodnight to Donald for me?

His door is locked.

Locked? Yes.

Yeah, I'll say
goodnight. Okay, thanks.

Is she gone? Yeah, just left.

Boy, she put in a good day.

Yeah, well I didn't. I didn't
write one usable word.

What were you doing?

Mostly, I was jumping up
off the couch, feeling guilty,

closing the drapes, explaining
myself and apologizing.

Jerry, I just feel
strange with her around.

Tomorrow, everything'll
fall into place.

Go home, unwind, get
a good night's sleep.

I can't. Why?

I've got a date
with her tonight.

You ought to call off
your date with Don

and get a goodnight's sleep.

I can't. Why not?

Because admitting I'm tired is
like admitting working for him

is a big strain and that he
was right in the first place.

But he was right, wasn't he?

So?

So.

So as long as I've got one drop
of energy left, I won't admit it.

Somebody like him, maybe.

♪♪

Hello, uh,
Mr. Hollinger's office.

Yes. Well, no, he's not in yet.

May I take a message?

Yes. All right.
Yes, I'll tell him.

Thank you very much,
Mr. Hamlin. Goodbye.

Morning, Ann. Good morning.

Happy second day.

Oh, thank you.

Good morning. Good morning.

I, uh, I hope I didn't keep
you out too late last night.

No, not at all.

I have the feeling
I was keeping you.

Oh, no, no.

Oh, there was a
phone call for you.

He said there's no rush,
and if you weren't going to

the baseball game this
afternoon, to please give him a ring.

The baseball game? Who was it?

Um, a Mr. Hamlin.

"A" Mr. Hamlin?

Th... that's "Hatchet
Man" Hamlin.

He's the Managing Editor of this
magazine. What did you tell him, Ann?

W-well, I just told
him you weren't in yet.

Well, why did you tell him that?

Well, you weren't in yet.

Well, look, now
he knows I'm late.

What happened?
Hamlin is blowing his top.

It must be because I haven't sent
in that Otto Bergman article yet.

Oh, it didn't sound like
he was blowing his top.

He was very soft-spoken.

Yeah, well, his normal
conversational tone is a scream.

The madder he gets
the softer he spokes.

Speaks.

Speaks!

Oh boy, Hamlin is
really on my back.

Look, look at that.

You ever wanna get that article
finished, you better dictate it to Ann.

O-o-okay, okay now.
Take, take this. Um...

Bergman is a director to
who... fame has never...

Whom. What?

That should be whom.

A director to whom
fame has never.

Okay, okay, uh, whom.

Uh, where was I?

Fame has never...
Fame has never what?

I don't know. Well,
didn't you get it?

Well, you didn't say
what fame has never.

You just said fame has never...

Uh... Uh, uh, fame, uh,

fame has never, uh,
brought complacency.

Uh, paragraph.

Paragraph. Uh... Ahem.

There is no director...
whom... it is believed...

Well, that'd be 'who'.

All right.

All right, who.

Uh, ahem, now where was I?

It is believed...

Uh... draws so deeply
from his personal life

for the content of his films.

Um, he... he is
enormously respected,

even by those he
has fought with.

This is significant because...

Uh... "with" is a preposition.

I know that. So?

Well, you really shouldn't end
a sentence with a preposition.

You've made up your
mind to get me fired, right?

Oh, no, Donald, I
just wouldn't want...

Every time my ideas start rolling
out, you get them off the track.

Leave my grammar alone. 'Who',
'whom', 'with', it's part of the job.

It's one of the things
you have to put up...

It's one of the things up
with which you have to put.

Yes, sir.

I'll remember that.

Yeah, well, type
that out and, uh,

I'll rough out the
rest on the typewriter.

Well, yes, sir.

♪♪

Uh, when you're finished typing what
you're working on, continue with this.

Is this the whole thing? The whole
thing. Type it all up. Clean and pretty.

Right. Who do I give it to?

Whom. What?

Whom. Right.

Whom do I give it to?

And, uh, "to" is a preposition.

You don't wanna end a
sentence with a preposition.

To whom do I give it?

Just put it on my desk.

You read my
article already, sir?

What did you think of it?

Translated? That's
great. Into Swedish?

English?

Y-Yes, sir. Yes,
sir, I understand, sir.

N-No, no, no, sir.

No, sir. It won't
happen again, sir. No.

Oh, y-yes, sir.
Y-Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes,
sir. Goodbye, sir.

Uh, Don, I have a
message for you.

Wait!

Wait one miserable minute.

Ann!

The message is,
Ann says goodnight.

When she left, you
were on the phone.

Yeah, with the Hatchet Man. I just came
that close to getting fired because of her.

What did she do?
It's what she didn't do.

Shirley used to clean
my grammar before she

sent an article in. Ann
let it go the way I gave

it to her, making me look like
some kinda... illiterate dope.

Well, why would she do that?

I told her to leave my grammar alone.
But I didn't mean on a finished copy.

She just sent it up to Hamlin?

Huh. No, no. I sent it up.

She typed it and it looked so
neat I didn't bother to check it.

Well, that's not
really her fault.

Now, don't defend
her. Don't defend her.

She's gotta go. She
has gotta be fired.

I agree. Look, I
don't care what...

You agree? I
thought you liked her?

She's fine. I can't stand you.

You have been acting like a maniac
since she's been here. So let's fire her.

I think you ought to do it,
first thing in the morning.

Me? You. You. Me?

Not me.

Well, I wouldn't know what to
say to her. What would I say to her?

Are you gonna see
her tonight? Yeah.

Perfect. When you pick her
up, ask her what she'd like to do.

And? Give her a choice.

Would she like to go to dinner,
see a show or look for a new job?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, it all looks so delicious.

I've never had any
of these things before.

Well, I wanted you to have something
more interesting than the usual sukiyaki.

Nothing is duller than the
same thing day after day.

You're so right.

I, uh, I was just
wondering whether you're

beginning to find
your job a bit of a drag.

No, not a bit.

Why do you ask?

Oh, I, I just wondered.

I mean, golly, it's the same nine-to-five
routine, day after day after day.

So far, it's only
been day after day.

Tomorrow will be my third day.

Donald, are you trying to
tell me something? What?

I mean, do you have
some criticism of my work?

Well, um, well, yeah.

Yeah, Ann, I do have
one slight criticism.

You almost got me fired today.

How did I do that?

You typed up my Bergman
article, and you sent it in

without bothering to
correct the grammar.

Well, you told me not
to. You ordered me not to.

I told you not to correct me
in the middle of a sentence.

That didn't mean never.

How was I supposed to know that?

By exercising a
little intelligence.

That's not a very
nice thing to say.

You're blaming
me for your mistake.

I am not blaming
you for my mistake.

Ann, it was your mistake.

Donald Hollinger, you are
unfair, unjust, and unchivalrous

and I'm certainly glad I found out
before getting more involved with you.

Look, Ann, you can hate
me all you want, but I...

I don't hate you,
Donald. I think that our

relationship has been
seriously jeopardized.

And I don't think I ever wanna see
you again. But I certainly don't hate you.

What is this? Raw fish.

♪♪

You must have
been pretty brutal.

Look, I never had a chance.

She fired me.

We had a fight, and I lost.

I lost the fight, lost
my girl, lost everything.

What's she doing here?
Looks like she's working.

I thought you
fired her. So did I.

Apparently, she doesn't
have that impression.

What should I do? Fire her.

Are you out of your
mind? I have to straighten

out the personal
relationship first.

The longer you put it
off, the worse it will be.

Jerry, I just can't go out there and
say, "Good morning, you're fired."

Well, I guess I'll have to
do it myself. Now wha...

Okay, I'll do it,
but my own way.

♪♪

You buzzed?

Yes.

Yes, I did, Ann.

Yes, Mr. Hollinger?

Oh, so now, it's Mr. Hollinger.

Yes, Mr. Hollinger.

Well, uh, Ms. Marie, um...

about last night.

I beg your pardon. But last night
was between Ann and Donald.

I really don't think Ms. Marie and
Mr. Hollinger should be discussing it.

Right.

Absolutely right.

Take a letter, please.

To who it may concern.

Uh, that should be whom.

I made it whom. Right, right.

I was, I was just testing.

When someone is as crazy about
another person as I am about you...

These are business
hours, and I...

Miss Marie, it is your job
to take dictation from me.

The content of that dictation
is my responsibility, not yours.

Yes, sir.

Uh, read that
back to me, please.

"When someone is as crazy about
another person as I am about you..."

I like the sound of that.

Read it again, please.

Uh, would you read that
back to me, please, Ms. Marie?

"When someone is as crazy about
another person as I am about you..."

Very good.

It is impossible to have a
businesslike relationship.

My feelings towards you
are intensely personal.

And the strain of
pretending to be impersonal

has shortened my temper,

impaired my judgment,

jeopardized my career,

and most important of all,

has estranged me from the
person I care for the most,

namely, the aforesaid you.

Will you read that
back to me, please?

The strain of these past few days
has been unbearable for me, too.

And for the same reasons
you mentioned, my temper and,

and disposition have been
even worse than yours.

P.S... You're fired.

Hey, shouldn't you two be
leaving soon? In a minute or two.

Terry Dobey's dropping
by to meet Donald.

Terry is the secretary I told you
about that's gonna replace me.

Great typist, fantastic
shorthand and very, very bright.

Yeah, there's probably a catch.

An advanced state
of ugliness, right?

Yeah, that's the way
I pick them for Leon.

No. Terry happens to be
extremely attractive. Fine.

Just don't let any of this subversive
talk reach Leon's ears, please.

You know, I'm sure glad you don't
feel the way Judy does on that subject.

I mean, somehow, it
just seems so petty.

It really is.

I mean, I always assume
that men hire their secretaries

for their ability, not for their
appearance. Oh, this man does.

Typing, shorthand and intelligence,
that's what counts with me.

I knew that's the
way you'd feel.

Oh, I'll get that.

Hi, Terry.

Terry, I want you to
meet Donald Hollinger.