That Girl (1966–1971): Season 1, Episode 21 - Rain, Snow and Rice - full transcript

Ann?

Come in, Donald.
I'm almost dressed.

How is it outside?
What's it doing?

Everything. Raining, snowing,

sleeting, everything.

Margie and Jerry are on the way.

They wanna drive to Connecticut
for dinner, but I don't know.

Because of the snow?

Yeah.

Coming.

Hi, Donald. Hi, baby.



Hi. Hi, come on in.

You want some coffee
to keep you warm?

No time. It's gonna be murder
driving to Connecticut in this weather.

Are you kidding? We
can't drive to Connecticut.

We'll eat in the neighborhood.

Oh, no.

W-W-We have to
eat in Connecticut.

What's so special
about Connecticut?

Oh, nothing.

Except that it's so convenient.

To what? Massachusetts.

No, the justice of the peace.

You're getting married
tonight! You're kidding!

You didn't say a word!



Congratulations!

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.

We have a few more
announcements to make.

It's obvious who my
best man is gonna be.

And my maid of honor
will be none other than...

You guessed it. That girl.

♪♪

I just wish you kids were
gonna have a honeymoon.

Are you kidding?
Of course we are.

We're spending the weekend
at the Mountain Chalet Hotel.

Oh, but if we all go up in your
car, how do Donald and I get back?

It's taken care of.
There's a train back.

Oh, he's thought of everything.

Certainly have.

Let's go.

Okay, let's go.

How exciting. Yeah.

Wait. There's one
thing I've got to do.

Go on ahead, I'll be
down in one second.

Well, hurry up! Okay.

What's holding us up?
Donald, I've got this audition.

I've got to call Harvey and
let him know where I am.

Hello, answering service?
Hi, this is Ann Marie.

Would you please leave a
message for my agent, Harvey Peck?

Just tell him that I've gone
to a wedding in Connecticut

and I'll... oh, some of my
friends, Margie and Jerry.

Yes. Just tell
Harvey that I'll be...

Well, yeah, it was
sort of sudden.

Listen, just tell Harvey
that I'll be back late tonight

and... oh, don't worry,
Jerry is a very safe driver.

Listen, I really have to run.

Okay, bye. Thanks.

They take a very personal
interest in their customers.

♪♪

Well, make
yourselves comfortable.

Judge Hardy will be
with you in a minute.

Judge Hardy!

Isn't that cozy and perfect?

I love it. I love this place
and that dear old lady.

And I know I'm just
gonna love Judge Hardy.

Oh, good evening, Judge Hardy.

Hello, young lady,
what can I do for you?

Well, right now,
we want two things.

Get married and thaw out.

Oh, not us, them.

We're just thawing out.

A lovely couple.

You remind me of
the missus and me.

We would've been
married 44 years.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, she didn't die.

She divorced me.

Oh.

Still milking me for alimony.

And a justice of the peace
doesn't make that much.

Sir... Divorce lawyers...

they're the ones that
make the money these days.

Oh, look, Judge Hardy...

I'm just trying to lighten up
an otherwise grim situation.

You're the groom?

Yes.

You've got the license?

Uh-huh.

Come with me.

Be right back, honey.

Donald, I want you
to talk to Judge Hardy

and be sure he performs
a nice ceremony.

Okay, I'll use all my charm.

You're the best "best
man" I've ever seen.

Well, there's nothing to it.

It's all in the wrists.

Are you nervous?

Only about one thing.

Ann, as an imminent bride,

there's something very
important I have to ask you.

Well, maybe you better wait
until you can speak to your mother.

I can't.

Ann, tell me the absolute truth.

How do I look?

Oh, that's what you wanna know?

Oh, Margie, you look lovely.

Oh, no.

Beautiful.

No.

Stunning?

No. I have to look radiant.

Everything I ever read
says brides look radiant.

You walk down the
aisle and people say,

"Isn't she radiant?"

Margie, you do look
absolutely radiant.

Oh, oh, thanks.

Oh, you look radiant, too.

How could I? I'm
not even engaged.

For marriage is the
natural conclusion of love

between man and woman.

Allegedly, there is nothing
more enduring than matrimony.

Now, the precious questions.

Marjorie,

do you take Jeremiah to be
your lawfully wedded husband?

I do.

You've got the ring?

Huh? Yeah, yeah, right here.

Jeremiah,

do you take Marjorie to be
your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

Put the ring on her finger.

I now pronounce
you man and wife.

I hope you're
luckier than I was.

Excuse me.

Congratulations, buddy.

Oh, thank you.

I'm so excited. You're
gonna be so happy.

And now, my wife and I

would like you two
to join us for dinner.

Wife and I, doesn't
that sound cute?

Are you sure we'll have time
to eat and catch the train?

Excuse me, did you say train?

The two of us are taking the
train back tonight. No, you're not.

The train isn't running.

Because of the snow?

My dear, young lady, sometimes this
train doesn't even run in the summer.

When will it be running again?

With luck, and who has luck,

with luck, tomorrow morning.

Oh.

Oh, gee, well, I guess
Ann and I'll have to get

a couple of rooms at the hotel.

Uh, Mr. and Mrs. Bauman.

We have reservations.

Bauman?

Yes, sir, your room's all ready.

We'll need three
rooms altogether.

Sir?

Well, theirs and two others.

I'm sorry, we have only
one other room available.

All I can suggest is that
the ladies stay in one room

and the gentlemen in the other.

Jerry.

Margie?

Oh, well, it's okay.

I always knew I'd remember

my wedding night.

Not for these reasons.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

We forgot something.
Yay! Congratulations.

Thanks a lot.

Well, gang, here we are.

Well, I guess
it's time to turn in.

To our various rooms.

I hate to go.

I hate to see you go.

Well, we, uh, we
got an early train,

so if you don't mind.

Goodnight, Don.

Thanks for everything.

Jerry?

Yes, Donnie?

D-D-Don.

You've got the keys.

Oh, right.

Well, goodnight.

Goodnight, Donald. Goodnight.

Goodnight, sweetheart.

What time do you think we
should get started in the morning?

Oh, I, guess 6:30 or 7.

Is that 6:30 or 7 you said?

Yeah, yes, 6:30 or 7.

Well, then I guess I better
call my answering service.

If I'm gonna stay here all night,
they better know where I am.

Donald, we shouldn't
be just standing here.

Well, there's
nothing else I can do.

Jerry's got the keys.

Goodnight, Donald.

You're sure Ann Marie, my
daughter, left that message?

Okay, thanks. She's not in?

You know how you always
say I jump to conclusions?

Well, only when you
jump to conclusions.

Okay, here's the
message she left.

Let's see if you jump.

Ms. Marie is in
Connecticut for the wedding.

She's spending the night

at the Mountain Chalet Hotel.

Now, don't tell me you're
gonna say she eloped.

Don't tell me you're gonna say

there's a logical
explanation for this.

That's exactly what
I'm going to say.

Only I'm not gonna mean it.

You have one day
of honeymoon left.

I know.

I mean, it's just one night.

One very long, awful night.

Gee, you don't have
anything to sleep in.

Oh, that's okay.

Oh, you can't sleep
in your clothes.

I'll give you one of mine.

Part of my trousseau.

Oh, Margie, I don't
know what to say.

I feel just terrible for you.

But it's not your fault.

It's just that a girl
gets one radiant night

in her whole life,

and she winds up
spending it with a girlfriend.

Well, I know this is
gonna sound kind of flat,

but things could be a lot worse.

How?

Well, we could've
crashed on the way here.

Hey, you know, this
is a pretty nice room.

Shut up.

Since you don't
feel like talking,

might as well get some rest.

Could I borrow a
pair of pajamas?

Pajamas? Yeah, pajamas.

I'm sorry, but I've only
got two pair with me.

Oh, I see.

If you have two pair,
why can't I borrow one?

No reason, no reason at all.

I'll tell you what, I'll wear one
pair and you wear the other.

Good solution.

It's a lovely fire.

I was hoping to
hear Jerry say that.

I love your trousseau.

I was hoping to
hear Jerry say that.

Well, it's getting kinda late.

I guess we better get to sleep.

I guess you were hoping
to hear Jerry say that, too.

Would you turn the
light out, please?

Why?

Don't ask me to explain.
Will you just do it?

Okay.

Ow. Oh. Ooh.

Is that why you didn't wanna
loan me a pair of pajamas?

It meant you had to wear those?

Is there anything you
wanna say about them?

Oh, no, no, not me.

I follow the age-old rule.

A man's pajamas
are his own business.

It's a darn good rule.

Yes, yes, I think it's
one of the better rules.

Look, Jerry, look,

as long as you're not tired,

why don't you go next door
and kiss Margie goodnight again?

Good idea.

Wait, wait.

You want another good idea?

What?

Let's switch pajamas.

Why?

Well, I trust you
brought those as a joke.

Yeah.

I don't think she's in
any mood for a joke.

Oh. No.

Oh, boy, that kid's
in terrible shape.

Jerry.

Jerry, I'll be back in a minute.

Okay. If I'm not here when you get
back, I'll be outside, walking in the snow.

Darling. No, it's not darling.

Could you send Ann out, please?

Donald, what's the
mat... What are those?

Oh, part of Jerry's trousseau.

Ann, listen,

now, listen, you and I
have known each other

for a long time now.

So I know you won't
misunderstand what I'm about to say.

What is it?

Well, I know you
feel as badly as I do

about the way Jerry and
Margie's honeymoon is starting out.

Oh, I certainly do.

Jerry and Margie have
to be in the same room,

and that means you and I
have to be in the same room.

Ann, why are you backing up?

I'm not backing up.

Well, maybe just a little.

But I didn't mean to.

It's just instinct, that's all.

Honey, it's the circumstances.

Yes, Donald, I know that.

And what's more,
I agree with you.

You do?

I'll go tell Margie.

I'll tell Jerry.

Donald?

What?

Don't misunderstand.

Darling.

It's still not darling.

Come on in.

Thank you.

What's that noise?

That's darling.

He's shaving.

I'd better be going. Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Hi. Hi.

That's, uh, a pretty
thing you're wearing.

It's the same one I
was wearing in the hall.

Oh, oh, yeah.

It's Margie's.

Oh.

Well, these, these are Jerry's.

Oh.

Uh, can I put these someplace?

Oh, sure, put them any place.

Oh, Donald, you're gonna
have to wear those tomorrow.

You'll get them all mussed.

Thank you.

There.

Certainly glad we got the
newlyweds back together.

Oh, yes, so am I.

Was your room as nice as this?

What's the matter?

There's just this one bed.

Oh.

Well, you know
what we'll have to do?

What?

Flip for it. You win.

You tired?

Oh, no.

I don't what it is
about this room,

but it seems to create
instant insomnia.

Oh, well, I guess it's the
cold weather, invigorating.

Well, maybe that's it.

You know, this
room is also known

for its terrific fire.

Well, a warm fire,

cozy couch, moonlit night,

boy, we have everything.

Except the license.

Yeah.

Has anyone ever told you

you look lovely
in the firelight?

Just Margie.

You know, what I was
saying before about the fire

is that it's wonderful the way it
just warms up the whole room.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, without it, the
room would be... chilly.

It would.

As a matter of
fact, I'm a little chilly.

I think I'll just get my coat.

I don't have a robe or anything.

There.

That's better.

Much better.

Oh, Donald, we're
not acting like us.

Well, how was I supposed to act?

I mean, we're so
uncomfortable with each other.

And why?

I mean, this is no different than
just sitting around my apartment.

Oh, yes, it is. Yes, it is.

We're in a hotel,
in strange pajamas.

And when I say goodnight,
I'm gonna stay right here.

That's the difference.

That's also why
you're a little nervous.

A lot nervous.

And it's silly.

After all, you're a grown man

and I'm a woman.

That's what you're
nervous about.

Right.

Ann, look, look,

I got an idea that might
make you relax a little more.

What? Well...

we'll have an all-night
Gin Rummy game.

Okay? Oh, that's a great idea.

All right? Yeah.

I'll go get some cards.

Or we, uh, we could
play honeymoon bridge.

Lou, what are you doing?

I'm staring at the ceiling.

Why? It's a nice change.

I got tired of
staring at the wall.

I still say it's not
what you're thinking.

Helen, the facts are

Ann is in Connecticut for the
night because of the wedding.

The wedding, not her wedding.

A friend got married.

Then why is she
staying at the hotel?

The weather.

That's logical.

I don't believe it for a
minute, but it's logical.

Just to put your mind at rest,
call Ann at the hotel. Hmm?

Who could that be?

Now, don't get jittery.

It's either Jerry or Margie.

And if it's either one at a time
like this, they're in a lot of trouble.

Hello?

What happened? Get dressed.

And don't tell me not
to jump to conclusions.

A conclusion just jumped at me.

Don answered the phone.

And we're going to Connecticut?

Of course. That's where my
daughter is with that typist she married.

He's not a typist,
he's a magazine writer.

He types, doesn't he?

All night to get there.

Good.

I'll give that typist a
morning he'll never forget.

Donald, I'm exhausted.
I can't play anymore.

You have to go to work tomorrow.
You've got to get some sleep, too.

Well, goodnight.

Goodnight.

How about the bathtub?

The what?

Donald, this love seat's
too small for you to sleep on.

I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna fix you
history's first fluffy bathtub.

Donald, can I ask you
a personal question?

What is it?

Can you sleep standing up?

They only have a shower.

Oh, honey, look, don't worry
about me. I can sleep anywhere.

In the Boy Scouts, I
once had to sleep in a tree.

The Boy Scouts, huh?

Well, I think your scout master

would be plenty proud of you.

Yeah, tonight, I think I earned
a whole new merit badge.

Goodnight, Donald.

Goodnight.

Ann, what are you doing?

I'm washing my face.

Are you finished with the bed?

Yes. Why don't you go
and get a little more sleep?

I'll go down into the
lobby when I'm finished.

Who is it?

A happy father-in-law.

Daddy. Oh, you remember me.

Now, just ask her
before losing control.

Ask me what?

Are you married?

Of course not.

Oh, that's a relief.

A man answers the phone in
her room in the middle of the night,

and you're relieved
she's not married?

Is that what started
this whole thing?

That was only Donald.

And that's only Don
hiding in the bed?

He's just trying to catch up on
all the sleep he lost last night.

Good to see you again.

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

What do you mean
by "good to see you"?

It's terrible to see you.

One of the worst things that
ever happened to me in my life,

seeing you in those
whoopee pajamas.

There's something
you have to realize.

I am extremely
terrified right now.

So I'd like Ann to
explain things to you.

Daddy, if you'll just listen.

I don't need an
explanation from Ann.

Either I trust my
daughter or I don't.

I happen to trust my daughter.

Thank you, Daddy.

Well, I'm glad to
hear you say that, sir.

Don't be so glad.

You, I don't trust.

From you, I want an explanation.

A long explanation.

Now, don't worry about it, dear.

See? Everything worked out fine.

We don't have to worry about
the train. Daddy can drive us back.

Great. A 200-mile
trip with your father.

Wonderful.

Ann, I wanna hear
about the wedding.

I'll tell you all about it.

I better leave a note
for Margie and Jerry.

Thank you. Ann!

Ann?

I forgot something
very important.

You're next. Bye.

Bye.

Well, what have you
got to say about that?

Uh, nice catch.

You'd think she plays
softball or something.

Oh, honey.