That Girl (1966–1971): Season 1, Episode 18 - These Boots Weren't Made for Walking - full transcript
To supplement her income, Ann thinks she's found the perfect job which she can do between auditions and acting gigs: selling shoes door-to-door for the Smart and Stunning Shoe Service. Ann wants to proceed with this plan despite not having the $50 deposit for the samples (which was not mentioned in the magazine advertisement for the job), which means she has to get the money from hopefully Donald. Don has major reservations about Ann embarking on what he sees as a hair-brained venture, but he lends her the money anyway as he believes Ann can only learn through experience, and at the end of the process he wants to be able to tell her "I told you so". Regardless, Ann feels that Don should buy a pair of shoes from her to support her, which he does. Ann ends up doing better business than she anticipates, but runs into problems when her customers run into problems by running out of their shoes, which are falling apart as they wear them. Ann feels bad enough for all her customers, but feels that she needs to help Don the most, since he is wearing his shoes to an important news event at the United Nations. If his shoes fall apart on this job, it could spell the end of his professional reputation.
Hey, this is perfect.
How did you know?
You haven't seen it yet.
No, no, I mean this ad,
underneath the picture.
Earn more money
than top executives.
This is a perfect job for me.
But Ann, you already have a job.
No, but like every
other job I have,
every time I wanna
go out on audition,
my boss won't let me off work.
But this ad says I
can be my own boss.
Gee, what kind of a job is it?
Selling door-to-door.
That doesn't sound so perfect.
Oh, but I can keep
whatever hours I like.
It says here, that
Mr. Wallace Clinton,
a prominent New Rochelle banker,
made enough money
in his spare time
in this job to build
a rumpus room.
Now, Ann, what would
you do with a rumpus room?
Judy, that's not the point.
If a banker's got
enough time for this job,
an actress certainly does.
Well, what would
you be selling? Shoes.
I never heard of a
door-to-door shoe salesman.
See, it's a wide-open field.
You really think you
can do it? Oh, sure.
Everybody needs shoes. And the
company's right here in Manhattan.
I think I'm gonna
call them right now.
Okay, let me spray your hair.
Oh, no, no, no! Judy, wait. I really don't
think this style's right for me, anyway.
Not right? It's
perfect. It's you!
I'm that girl?
♪♪
Oh, Judy, would you get
that? My hands are wet.
Oh, sure.
Good morning. I'm Nate Caswell.
Oh? I have your shoes.
You do?
Aren't you Ann Mary?
Ann Marie.
Yeah, I got your shoes.
Oh, the shoes.
Ann, your shoes are here.
Oh!
Oh, you must be Mr. Caswell.
That's right. Oh,
I'm so excited!
I didn't expect to see you so
soon. I only talked to you last week.
That's the motto of
Smart and Stunning Shoes
Service. Smart shoes
and stunning service.
Well, I'll certainly got
to live up to that motto.
Now, you got a good attitude.
I think it's only fair
for you to know,
Mr. Caswell, that
I'm an actress.
But that doesn't mean that I won't
do my best for Smart and Stunning.
Oh, I understand. We got all
kinds of people selling our shoes.
A jockey, a, a dentist.
We even got a banker.
Oh, yes, we read about him.
And I say we got people
from all walks of life.
Get it? All walks?
Little joke there.
You'll find humor helps you
breaks the ice with the customer.
I'll remember that.
And here, we have
a deluxe combination
carrying case and shoe stand.
Just put your foot there.
What do you think?
Oh, it's very comfortable.
And these, of
course, are the shoes.
They look very nice!
They are very nice.
You can take your
foot down now, honey.
And a genuine plastic shoe horn
goes with every Smart
and Stunning shoe sale
at no extra charge.
Oh, thank you.
Norman's Rent-a-Shoe?
Now, the way we
operate, Ms. Mary... Marie.
Yeah, see, the way we operate is
we buy stock from companies
that go out of business.
Old Norman had a good idea
there with his Rent-a-Shoe,
but somehow, it
just didn't go over.
Well, maybe that was
because old Norman was a heel.
Huh?
Oh! That's one of
her jokes, Mr. Caswell.
Oh... yeah, very good! Well, you
know, as we always say, that's shoe biz.
A little joke.
See, I topped you.
Anyway, welcome to
the Smart and Stunning
Shoes Service family.
Thank you very much.
Okay, where's the
dough? The dough?
The 50-dollar deposit
for the samples.
There wasn't anything
about a deposit in the ad.
I didn't have room.
But I thought I
mentioned it on the phone.
No, you didn't.
And I don't have $50.00.
Gee, that's tough.
But I can't let you have
the shoes without a deposit.
Not that I'd think
you'd skip with them.
But business is business.
Oh, please, Mr. Caswell,
please trust me.
I know I can have the
money by the end of the week.
Just to show that Smart and
Stunning has faith in their salesmen,
I'll make an
exception. Thank you.
I'll tell you what,
I'll make out an IOU.
Ann, where are you
going to get $50.00?
From my business partner.
I didn't know you had one.
Neither does he.
Have you ever sold
anything door-to-door?
Well, no. But I'm an actress.
And Mr. Caswell says that a
salesman is nothing but an actor
with a new audience
behind every door.
I think that Mr. Caswell
meant is you have to be
a good actor in
order to sell his shoes.
They are perfectly good shoes.
Then why are they so cheap?
They're not cheap.
They're reasonable.
Oh, well, if they're
so reasonable,
why don't they just open
up a regular shoe store?
Because if the company
opened up a regular shoe store,
then they wouldn't
have the low overhead
that makes the shoes so cheap...
uh, reasonable, in the first place.
I just don't think it's a good idea of you
selling things door-to-door to strangers.
Mr. Caswell says I won't be
selling things to any strangers,
just to friends I haven't met.
Ann, you should never
sell anything to your friends.
Why not? I got to
start somewhere.
All right, then start over
on the other side of town
with people who'll
never see you again.
But I thought you
said you didn't want me
to sell things to strangers?
Well... well, as, uh, as long as you've
made up your mind to sell those shoes,
I, I guess it doesn't make
any difference what I want.
Well, I'd feel a lot better
if I had your approval.
Okay.
Okay, you have my approval.
Sell kangaroos if you want to.
Good, then you'll
lend me the $50.00?
What $50.00?
The $50.00 I need as
a deposit for the shoes.
Annie, I was the one that told you it
was a ridiculous idea in the first place.
Now, you want
me to invest in it?
Well, you said you approved.
Look, Annie, look, I don't
think you ought to be doing this.
But I, I do believe that
experience is the best teacher.
Good. Then you'll
lend me the $50.00.
Okay. Okay.
But only so I can have the
satisfaction of saying "I told you so"
when you're stuck with
the suitcase full of shoes.
All right, but if I
sell all my shoes,
you're gonna be hearing
"I told you so" from me.
Heh. All right. All
right, it's a deal.
Thank you. And welcome to the Smart
and Stunning Shoes Service family.
Uh huh.
Mr. Caswell says if you can't
get your own shoe in the door,
you can't sell
somebody else a shoe.
So, I go outside and
pretend to be the salesman,
and you pretend
to be the housewife.
But I really am a housewife.
That makes it even better.
Now, I'll go outside
and knock on the door.
Who is it?
Smart and Stunning
Shoes Service.
Oh, not today. Thank you.
Judy.
I'm acting like a
typical housewife.
Open the door.
Hi.
You're too friendly.
Who is practicing, me
or you? Never mind.
Let's just skip to the part where
I try and sell you the shoes.
Okay.
Good afternoon, Madame,
and let me show
you what I have today.
My, you have a very pretty foot!
Oh, thank you.
Leon thinks so, too.
Oh, I think we have some
very exciting styles today.
All right.
Isn't this one cute?
May I try it on, please?
Oh, Madame, this is a very
hot-selling number this season.
Ow!
I guess I have to practice that.
Put your foot up in here.
That's fine. Let me
just put this shoe on.
There we go.
Wait a minute, we'll try the
shoe horn from Norman's.
Perfect fit.
Now, walk around.
Come on.
How does it feel? Tight.
Oh, don't worry about that. Now,
just sit down. That's just a sample.
If you like the style, you can try
another one for fit. And you can have
your own shoes
later this afternoon.
Really? Oh, yes.
Smart and Stunning
has same day delivery.
Hmm... I like these. Which one?
Well, I like them both.
Well, they're each
from a different pair.
I know.
But they look
great together. Oh.
Now, all I have to do is find somebody
else who thinks they look great together.
Yeah? Good day, sir.
I represent the Smart and
Stunning Shoes Service.
If I buy something of yours,
would you buy something of mine?
What?
I'm a door-to-door
salesman, too.
I handle the Little
Jiffy Housewife Helper.
It peels, pares, slices, juices.
And it's lightweight
and it's compact,
you can also use
it as a flashlight.
Now, this little item sells
in all the stores for $2.25.
But since you're
in the business,
tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna let you have
this little item for $1.85,
and I want you to
know I'm losing money.
What do you say?
Boy, I wish I had
your technique.
I told you not to
come back until 6:00.
I'll break your
little... Oh, hi.
I thought you were one
of my kids. Oh, no, Ma'am.
But I'd like to make
you one of our family.
I represent the Smart and
Stunning Shoes Service.
Would you like to see
some of our samples?
Sure would.
Oh, good. Let's see,
what have you got in a
2A, a 3X, a 4B and a 5C.
Oh, those are children's sizes.
I only handle adults.
Well, I only handle children
but not too well.
The way these kids
keep me running around,
I must wear out three
pairs of shoes a month.
Let me show you what I have.
I got my last pair at
the Army Surplus Store.
They lasted throughout the
entire Second World War,
but my kids finished
them off in a week.
I'll show you my
sturdiest pair then.
Make sure they're tough.
My youngest likes
to eat my shoes.
Then, how about a little something
in alligator? Guaranteed to bite back.
Ha ha ha. Little joke there.
I'll say.
Hi, Margie. Hello, Ann.
Don's upstairs with Mr. Hamlin.
He should back in a few minutes.
Okay, I'll wait right here.
What are you looking at?
Oh, oh, nothing.
It's just your shoes.
What's the matter with them?
Are they comfortable?
Yeah. Yeah, they're
all right, I guess.
You know what you
really need for the office?
Something more substantial.
You know, a
practical little shoe.
Now, here's a
sensible little number,
and we're featuring it this week
at a low, low,
get-acquainted price.
Shoes. Huh. You got
a suitcase full of shoes.
Yes, I'm a shoe salesman.
Oh. I thought you're an actress.
I am. And a shoes salesman, too?
Well, it helps me cover more
ground. Ha ha, a little joke there.
Now what do you
think, isn't this perfect?
Well, I really have
all the shoes I need.
But I could use some slippers.
Do you sell men's slippers?
Well, I'm sure we do.
But why?
Well, it's just a crazy idea.
But I thought it'd
be sort of cute if I,
if I buy a pair for Jerry.
I mean, Mr. Bauman.
And put 'em under his desk.
It's just sort of a... a gag.
You mean, sort of "a... a" hint.
Not that it would do any good.
Nothing does.
I'm around him
everyday from 9 to 5,
and he still doesn't
know I'm alive.
I'm gonna order the slippers
and keep my
fingers crossed, too.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
Oh, well, I wanted
to talk to you.
Didn't you see the sign outside?
What sign?
No soliciting. It's posted
all over the building.
We'll have your
order in no time, Miss.
Smart and Stunning
features prompt delivery.
This is a business office.
What were you doing out there?
Business, and it's
going great, too.
I sold two pair to Judy, and another
pair to the woman down the hall,
and another pair to another
woman in my apartment building.
You're doing pretty well, huh?
And that's not all.
I got a call this
morning for an audition,
and I was able to go right over,
'cause now I'm my own boss.
Did you get the part?
No, but I sold the assistant
director a pair of shoes.
All right now, don't rub it in.
Why not? At the rate
I'm going, I'll be able
to give you back your
investment within a week.
Annie, it is not time
for the "I told you so" s yet.
It almost is.
Oh. Did you just come
over here to gloat?
I most certainly did not.
I am here in an
official capacity.
Wait a minute, you
don't mean you...
I most certainly do.
If anybody's gonna buy a pair
of my shoes, it should be you.
You're not only my boyfriend,
you're my chief investor.
Now, look, Annie, I do not wanna
be seen in a pair of cheap shoes.
You can't tell the
difference between my shoes
and a pair that costs $40.
Yeah, but my feet
can tell the difference.
If your feet are so smart, why are
they wearing those shabby, old shoes?
Those shoes are not shabby,
they're comfortable.
And my shoes are not cheap.
They're reasonable.
All right, I'm perfectly happy
with the pair of shoes
I have on right now.
You're only wearing
those shoes to spite me.
Oh, yes, that's
right. That's right.
When I got up this morning,
I said to myself,
"What can I do
today to spite Ann?"
And then, I said,
"I know. I'll wear shoes."
Donald.
All right, all right,
let me see 'em.
I know you'll love these.
They're exquisitely
styled, don't you think?
There we go.
Not a bad fit.
Here, try this.
"Norman's Rent-a-Shoe?"
Well, Norman had a
good idea there, but I
really don't think the
public is ready for it.
Hi, Judy.
I'm not speaking to you.
Why, what's the matter?
You know those shoes
I ordered from you?
Yes, didn't you get them?
I wish I hadn't.
What do you mean?
Well, they looked so nice, I
decided to wear them shopping.
I was on an escalator between
the third and the fourth floor
when all of a sudden, I
noticed something funny.
I looked down and my
shoes had fallen apart.
Fallen apart? That's right.
We were stuck for 20
minutes while the repairman
dug the cardboard
out of the escalator.
Cardboard?
Fortunately, they sold shoes on the fourth
floor, and I was able to buy another pair.
Oh, Judy, I'm so sorry.
But don't you worry,
I'll take care of it.
That pair was
probably defective.
That wasn't the only pair
that was defective.
You mean your other
pair fell apart, too?
You think I'd be crazy enough to
wear them after what happened?
No.
You know the lady
who lives upstairs?
Yeah. I sold her a pair, too.
You certainly did.
She told me she was running
for the Fifth Avenue bus
when all of a sudden, she
noticed she was barefoot.
Oh, no.
Well, don't worry Judy,
I'll give you both a refund.
Very funny.
Okay, that's three
pairs of the boots
and five pairs of the cleats.
You'll get a real
kick out of these.
Little joke there.
Sure, you'll get them tomorrow.
You know how we operate.
From our hand to your foot
with no body in between.
Okay, thanks for
calling, Charlie.
Goodbye.
Hello, Mr. Caswell.
Do you remember me?
Oh, sure, you're Ann Mary.
Oh, no, it's, um...
Oh, never mind.
Well, listen, the most
terrible thing has happened.
All of my shoes
are falling apart.
Huh?
Yeah. I sold five
pairs of shoes,
and they all disintegrated.
I don't understand.
I only deal with the most
reputable bankrupt companies.
Maybe the companies
are reputable,
but their shoes sure aren't.
Oh, look, I'm an
honest businessman.
I'll, I'll be happy to
refund your money.
Oh, thanks, Mr. Caswell.
I really appreciate that.
First, we got to
check your order
and see if all of the shoes
came from the same place.
You know, I get shoes
from a lot of different places.
Like the time I bought
up the entire surplus
of the Guatemalan Army.
Then there was the
40 pairs of tap shoes
I got from a disbanded
group of precision dancers.
And last month...
Uh, here it is.
They all, uh, came from
the same place, all right.
Uh huh, I think I
see what happened.
What?
What happened?
Um, tell me,
Did they, uh, fall
apart right away?
No, no. They were worn a
while and then they fell apart.
That's what I thought.
It was body heat.
Body heat?
Yeah, the shoes you got
were made for people who...
don't have body heat.
I don't understand.
Look, they came from
a funeral supply house.
A funeral supply house?
Yeah, they must make
their shoes from cardboard.
And they don't get too
much wear and tear.
Well, I don't understand what
that has to do with body heat.
The body heat dissolves the glue
that holds the shoes together.
Oh, I see.
You mean, they're
fine for lying down
but not too good for walking.
You got the picture.
If that's what
happens to the shoes, I
wonder what will happen
to the pants I bou...
Oh, well... That's
not your problem.
Thanks.
I have enough problems already.
Hi, Margie.
Oh, hi, Ann.
How's business?
Terrible.
You know those slippers
I was gonna send you?
Yeah.
Well, if they're anything like
the shoes I've been selling,
you better forget 'em.
You see, they're
slightly defective.
What do you mean?
Well, when you wear
them, they fall apart.
Oh, how awful! I'll say.
The worst part about it is
Don didn't want me to sell
those shoes in the first place.
Now, I not only have to
tell him the shoes are bad,
I have to tell him he was right.
While you're at it, you
might as well tell him
you're sorry you ruined his
career, too. What do you mean?
Well, the shoes you sold him arrived
this afternoon and right after that,
the boss asked him to cover this meeting
of the Middle Eastern Alliance tonight.
Don't tell me, I can guess.
You mean he decided
to... That's right.
Just about now, your
shoes should be walking
right to the front
door of the U.N.
You mean, the
United Nations U.N.?
I sure do.
Oh, no, I can just see it.
Donald goes to shake hands with an
ambassador and his shoes will fall off.
Boy, am I in trouble with him.
Oh, I'm sorry, Ann. I
didn't mean to upset you.
I don't really think
he'll lose his job.
No, he'll just probably
lose his mind, and kill me.
He didn't want those
shoes in the first place.
I talked him into them.
Now, you certainly won't
have to talk him out of them.
You know where those
other pair are now?
Yeah, here, he put them away.
Good, I'll take these with me.
Where are you going?
I've got to get to Donald's
shoes before his body heat does.
Well, thank you very much, sir,
and I hope you have a
pleasant stay in New York.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
Where is everybody?
Boy, are you late, lady.
They all left.
Oh, but where did they go?
Ma'am, I'm just a janitor.
They don't usually tell me.
Would you have any
idea who would know?
Uh, wait a minute,
think I saw some sort
of schedule around here.
Uh, here it is.
Oh, good.
Let's see. Oh, terrific.
They've gone to the hotel.
Can I keep this?
Oh, take anything you want.
What's that?
Uh, a piece of cardboard.
You want it?
Cardboard what?
Cardboard, uh, box.
Oh, thank goodness.
Just a minute, please.
May I see your invitation?
Oh, my, I must have
left that at home.
I'm sorry, but I
can't let you in
without an invitation.
Oh, listen, all I wanna
do is run in there,
drop this package
off and run right out.
I'll bet you'll run right out.
A lot of disgruntled people
wouldn't mind planting a
bomb in a room upstairs.
But these are just shoes.
You better talk to Mr. Flushing.
Wait right here.
Mr. Flushing, Uh, I...
Hey! Now back here.
Now, what's all this about?
Uh, well, I have to get
upstairs to that dinner
to give my boyfriend his shoes.
He's got... It's just
too complicated
to explain right now.
Perhaps, you better
just step with me
into the office.
Oh, please. If you'll just
call Mr. Don Hollinger
out of the dinner.
He's a reporter with
"Newsview" Magazine,
and he'll be able
to vouch for me.
Joe, see if there's a
Don Hollinger up there.
All right, if you think you
can handle her while I'm gone.
Thank you very
much, Mr. Flushing.
I know that Mr. Hollinger
will be able to take care
of this whole thing.
Oh, I'm sure he's all
probably quite innocent.
But we must be
careful. We can't risk an
international incident.
It'll just be a local incident.
When my boyfriend murders me.
I think I see what you mean.
Oh, Donald, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, well, you should be.
Do you realize how
important this meeting is?
Of course I do.
That's why I came.
Well, you shouldn't have.
I have never been so
embarrassed in my life.
Oh, I thought I could get here
before your shoes fell apart.
Look, when they called me...
My shoes fell apart?
Didn't your shoes fall apart?
Well, of course not, what
are you talking about?
Then why aren't
you wearing them?
Well, because when you
so rudely interrupted me,
I was having dinner with
the Emir of Meshabadia.
Oh, no, he must have seen you
without your shoes.
Annie, he saw everybody
without their shoes.
The cow is sacred in Meshabadia.
It is against protocol
to appear before
the Emir wearing
any sort of leather.
So naturally, I
took my shoes off.
You didn't have to bother.
Those shoes you could have worn.
Hi, Donald. Here are your shoes.
Thanks.
Well, I hope I'm
gonna get my $50 back.
Oh, yes.
And Mr. Caswell
was very nice about it.
In fact, he said if
he didn't take back
the shoes, he
wouldn't have any sole.
That's a little joke.
Yeah, very little.
Okay, let's go.
Wait a minute, where's
the other pair of shoes?
I have to give them
back to Mr. Caswell.
Yeah, that's what I
would like to know.
I looked everywhere.
I couldn't find it.
Well, do you think
somebody stole them?
Well, if they did,
they deserve them.
Well, I just hope whoever
took them comes from
a cold climate.
♪♪
How did you know?
You haven't seen it yet.
No, no, I mean this ad,
underneath the picture.
Earn more money
than top executives.
This is a perfect job for me.
But Ann, you already have a job.
No, but like every
other job I have,
every time I wanna
go out on audition,
my boss won't let me off work.
But this ad says I
can be my own boss.
Gee, what kind of a job is it?
Selling door-to-door.
That doesn't sound so perfect.
Oh, but I can keep
whatever hours I like.
It says here, that
Mr. Wallace Clinton,
a prominent New Rochelle banker,
made enough money
in his spare time
in this job to build
a rumpus room.
Now, Ann, what would
you do with a rumpus room?
Judy, that's not the point.
If a banker's got
enough time for this job,
an actress certainly does.
Well, what would
you be selling? Shoes.
I never heard of a
door-to-door shoe salesman.
See, it's a wide-open field.
You really think you
can do it? Oh, sure.
Everybody needs shoes. And the
company's right here in Manhattan.
I think I'm gonna
call them right now.
Okay, let me spray your hair.
Oh, no, no, no! Judy, wait. I really don't
think this style's right for me, anyway.
Not right? It's
perfect. It's you!
I'm that girl?
♪♪
Oh, Judy, would you get
that? My hands are wet.
Oh, sure.
Good morning. I'm Nate Caswell.
Oh? I have your shoes.
You do?
Aren't you Ann Mary?
Ann Marie.
Yeah, I got your shoes.
Oh, the shoes.
Ann, your shoes are here.
Oh!
Oh, you must be Mr. Caswell.
That's right. Oh,
I'm so excited!
I didn't expect to see you so
soon. I only talked to you last week.
That's the motto of
Smart and Stunning Shoes
Service. Smart shoes
and stunning service.
Well, I'll certainly got
to live up to that motto.
Now, you got a good attitude.
I think it's only fair
for you to know,
Mr. Caswell, that
I'm an actress.
But that doesn't mean that I won't
do my best for Smart and Stunning.
Oh, I understand. We got all
kinds of people selling our shoes.
A jockey, a, a dentist.
We even got a banker.
Oh, yes, we read about him.
And I say we got people
from all walks of life.
Get it? All walks?
Little joke there.
You'll find humor helps you
breaks the ice with the customer.
I'll remember that.
And here, we have
a deluxe combination
carrying case and shoe stand.
Just put your foot there.
What do you think?
Oh, it's very comfortable.
And these, of
course, are the shoes.
They look very nice!
They are very nice.
You can take your
foot down now, honey.
And a genuine plastic shoe horn
goes with every Smart
and Stunning shoe sale
at no extra charge.
Oh, thank you.
Norman's Rent-a-Shoe?
Now, the way we
operate, Ms. Mary... Marie.
Yeah, see, the way we operate is
we buy stock from companies
that go out of business.
Old Norman had a good idea
there with his Rent-a-Shoe,
but somehow, it
just didn't go over.
Well, maybe that was
because old Norman was a heel.
Huh?
Oh! That's one of
her jokes, Mr. Caswell.
Oh... yeah, very good! Well, you
know, as we always say, that's shoe biz.
A little joke.
See, I topped you.
Anyway, welcome to
the Smart and Stunning
Shoes Service family.
Thank you very much.
Okay, where's the
dough? The dough?
The 50-dollar deposit
for the samples.
There wasn't anything
about a deposit in the ad.
I didn't have room.
But I thought I
mentioned it on the phone.
No, you didn't.
And I don't have $50.00.
Gee, that's tough.
But I can't let you have
the shoes without a deposit.
Not that I'd think
you'd skip with them.
But business is business.
Oh, please, Mr. Caswell,
please trust me.
I know I can have the
money by the end of the week.
Just to show that Smart and
Stunning has faith in their salesmen,
I'll make an
exception. Thank you.
I'll tell you what,
I'll make out an IOU.
Ann, where are you
going to get $50.00?
From my business partner.
I didn't know you had one.
Neither does he.
Have you ever sold
anything door-to-door?
Well, no. But I'm an actress.
And Mr. Caswell says that a
salesman is nothing but an actor
with a new audience
behind every door.
I think that Mr. Caswell
meant is you have to be
a good actor in
order to sell his shoes.
They are perfectly good shoes.
Then why are they so cheap?
They're not cheap.
They're reasonable.
Oh, well, if they're
so reasonable,
why don't they just open
up a regular shoe store?
Because if the company
opened up a regular shoe store,
then they wouldn't
have the low overhead
that makes the shoes so cheap...
uh, reasonable, in the first place.
I just don't think it's a good idea of you
selling things door-to-door to strangers.
Mr. Caswell says I won't be
selling things to any strangers,
just to friends I haven't met.
Ann, you should never
sell anything to your friends.
Why not? I got to
start somewhere.
All right, then start over
on the other side of town
with people who'll
never see you again.
But I thought you
said you didn't want me
to sell things to strangers?
Well... well, as, uh, as long as you've
made up your mind to sell those shoes,
I, I guess it doesn't make
any difference what I want.
Well, I'd feel a lot better
if I had your approval.
Okay.
Okay, you have my approval.
Sell kangaroos if you want to.
Good, then you'll
lend me the $50.00?
What $50.00?
The $50.00 I need as
a deposit for the shoes.
Annie, I was the one that told you it
was a ridiculous idea in the first place.
Now, you want
me to invest in it?
Well, you said you approved.
Look, Annie, look, I don't
think you ought to be doing this.
But I, I do believe that
experience is the best teacher.
Good. Then you'll
lend me the $50.00.
Okay. Okay.
But only so I can have the
satisfaction of saying "I told you so"
when you're stuck with
the suitcase full of shoes.
All right, but if I
sell all my shoes,
you're gonna be hearing
"I told you so" from me.
Heh. All right. All
right, it's a deal.
Thank you. And welcome to the Smart
and Stunning Shoes Service family.
Uh huh.
Mr. Caswell says if you can't
get your own shoe in the door,
you can't sell
somebody else a shoe.
So, I go outside and
pretend to be the salesman,
and you pretend
to be the housewife.
But I really am a housewife.
That makes it even better.
Now, I'll go outside
and knock on the door.
Who is it?
Smart and Stunning
Shoes Service.
Oh, not today. Thank you.
Judy.
I'm acting like a
typical housewife.
Open the door.
Hi.
You're too friendly.
Who is practicing, me
or you? Never mind.
Let's just skip to the part where
I try and sell you the shoes.
Okay.
Good afternoon, Madame,
and let me show
you what I have today.
My, you have a very pretty foot!
Oh, thank you.
Leon thinks so, too.
Oh, I think we have some
very exciting styles today.
All right.
Isn't this one cute?
May I try it on, please?
Oh, Madame, this is a very
hot-selling number this season.
Ow!
I guess I have to practice that.
Put your foot up in here.
That's fine. Let me
just put this shoe on.
There we go.
Wait a minute, we'll try the
shoe horn from Norman's.
Perfect fit.
Now, walk around.
Come on.
How does it feel? Tight.
Oh, don't worry about that. Now,
just sit down. That's just a sample.
If you like the style, you can try
another one for fit. And you can have
your own shoes
later this afternoon.
Really? Oh, yes.
Smart and Stunning
has same day delivery.
Hmm... I like these. Which one?
Well, I like them both.
Well, they're each
from a different pair.
I know.
But they look
great together. Oh.
Now, all I have to do is find somebody
else who thinks they look great together.
Yeah? Good day, sir.
I represent the Smart and
Stunning Shoes Service.
If I buy something of yours,
would you buy something of mine?
What?
I'm a door-to-door
salesman, too.
I handle the Little
Jiffy Housewife Helper.
It peels, pares, slices, juices.
And it's lightweight
and it's compact,
you can also use
it as a flashlight.
Now, this little item sells
in all the stores for $2.25.
But since you're
in the business,
tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna let you have
this little item for $1.85,
and I want you to
know I'm losing money.
What do you say?
Boy, I wish I had
your technique.
I told you not to
come back until 6:00.
I'll break your
little... Oh, hi.
I thought you were one
of my kids. Oh, no, Ma'am.
But I'd like to make
you one of our family.
I represent the Smart and
Stunning Shoes Service.
Would you like to see
some of our samples?
Sure would.
Oh, good. Let's see,
what have you got in a
2A, a 3X, a 4B and a 5C.
Oh, those are children's sizes.
I only handle adults.
Well, I only handle children
but not too well.
The way these kids
keep me running around,
I must wear out three
pairs of shoes a month.
Let me show you what I have.
I got my last pair at
the Army Surplus Store.
They lasted throughout the
entire Second World War,
but my kids finished
them off in a week.
I'll show you my
sturdiest pair then.
Make sure they're tough.
My youngest likes
to eat my shoes.
Then, how about a little something
in alligator? Guaranteed to bite back.
Ha ha ha. Little joke there.
I'll say.
Hi, Margie. Hello, Ann.
Don's upstairs with Mr. Hamlin.
He should back in a few minutes.
Okay, I'll wait right here.
What are you looking at?
Oh, oh, nothing.
It's just your shoes.
What's the matter with them?
Are they comfortable?
Yeah. Yeah, they're
all right, I guess.
You know what you
really need for the office?
Something more substantial.
You know, a
practical little shoe.
Now, here's a
sensible little number,
and we're featuring it this week
at a low, low,
get-acquainted price.
Shoes. Huh. You got
a suitcase full of shoes.
Yes, I'm a shoe salesman.
Oh. I thought you're an actress.
I am. And a shoes salesman, too?
Well, it helps me cover more
ground. Ha ha, a little joke there.
Now what do you
think, isn't this perfect?
Well, I really have
all the shoes I need.
But I could use some slippers.
Do you sell men's slippers?
Well, I'm sure we do.
But why?
Well, it's just a crazy idea.
But I thought it'd
be sort of cute if I,
if I buy a pair for Jerry.
I mean, Mr. Bauman.
And put 'em under his desk.
It's just sort of a... a gag.
You mean, sort of "a... a" hint.
Not that it would do any good.
Nothing does.
I'm around him
everyday from 9 to 5,
and he still doesn't
know I'm alive.
I'm gonna order the slippers
and keep my
fingers crossed, too.
Hey.
What are you doing here?
Oh, well, I wanted
to talk to you.
Didn't you see the sign outside?
What sign?
No soliciting. It's posted
all over the building.
We'll have your
order in no time, Miss.
Smart and Stunning
features prompt delivery.
This is a business office.
What were you doing out there?
Business, and it's
going great, too.
I sold two pair to Judy, and another
pair to the woman down the hall,
and another pair to another
woman in my apartment building.
You're doing pretty well, huh?
And that's not all.
I got a call this
morning for an audition,
and I was able to go right over,
'cause now I'm my own boss.
Did you get the part?
No, but I sold the assistant
director a pair of shoes.
All right now, don't rub it in.
Why not? At the rate
I'm going, I'll be able
to give you back your
investment within a week.
Annie, it is not time
for the "I told you so" s yet.
It almost is.
Oh. Did you just come
over here to gloat?
I most certainly did not.
I am here in an
official capacity.
Wait a minute, you
don't mean you...
I most certainly do.
If anybody's gonna buy a pair
of my shoes, it should be you.
You're not only my boyfriend,
you're my chief investor.
Now, look, Annie, I do not wanna
be seen in a pair of cheap shoes.
You can't tell the
difference between my shoes
and a pair that costs $40.
Yeah, but my feet
can tell the difference.
If your feet are so smart, why are
they wearing those shabby, old shoes?
Those shoes are not shabby,
they're comfortable.
And my shoes are not cheap.
They're reasonable.
All right, I'm perfectly happy
with the pair of shoes
I have on right now.
You're only wearing
those shoes to spite me.
Oh, yes, that's
right. That's right.
When I got up this morning,
I said to myself,
"What can I do
today to spite Ann?"
And then, I said,
"I know. I'll wear shoes."
Donald.
All right, all right,
let me see 'em.
I know you'll love these.
They're exquisitely
styled, don't you think?
There we go.
Not a bad fit.
Here, try this.
"Norman's Rent-a-Shoe?"
Well, Norman had a
good idea there, but I
really don't think the
public is ready for it.
Hi, Judy.
I'm not speaking to you.
Why, what's the matter?
You know those shoes
I ordered from you?
Yes, didn't you get them?
I wish I hadn't.
What do you mean?
Well, they looked so nice, I
decided to wear them shopping.
I was on an escalator between
the third and the fourth floor
when all of a sudden, I
noticed something funny.
I looked down and my
shoes had fallen apart.
Fallen apart? That's right.
We were stuck for 20
minutes while the repairman
dug the cardboard
out of the escalator.
Cardboard?
Fortunately, they sold shoes on the fourth
floor, and I was able to buy another pair.
Oh, Judy, I'm so sorry.
But don't you worry,
I'll take care of it.
That pair was
probably defective.
That wasn't the only pair
that was defective.
You mean your other
pair fell apart, too?
You think I'd be crazy enough to
wear them after what happened?
No.
You know the lady
who lives upstairs?
Yeah. I sold her a pair, too.
You certainly did.
She told me she was running
for the Fifth Avenue bus
when all of a sudden, she
noticed she was barefoot.
Oh, no.
Well, don't worry Judy,
I'll give you both a refund.
Very funny.
Okay, that's three
pairs of the boots
and five pairs of the cleats.
You'll get a real
kick out of these.
Little joke there.
Sure, you'll get them tomorrow.
You know how we operate.
From our hand to your foot
with no body in between.
Okay, thanks for
calling, Charlie.
Goodbye.
Hello, Mr. Caswell.
Do you remember me?
Oh, sure, you're Ann Mary.
Oh, no, it's, um...
Oh, never mind.
Well, listen, the most
terrible thing has happened.
All of my shoes
are falling apart.
Huh?
Yeah. I sold five
pairs of shoes,
and they all disintegrated.
I don't understand.
I only deal with the most
reputable bankrupt companies.
Maybe the companies
are reputable,
but their shoes sure aren't.
Oh, look, I'm an
honest businessman.
I'll, I'll be happy to
refund your money.
Oh, thanks, Mr. Caswell.
I really appreciate that.
First, we got to
check your order
and see if all of the shoes
came from the same place.
You know, I get shoes
from a lot of different places.
Like the time I bought
up the entire surplus
of the Guatemalan Army.
Then there was the
40 pairs of tap shoes
I got from a disbanded
group of precision dancers.
And last month...
Uh, here it is.
They all, uh, came from
the same place, all right.
Uh huh, I think I
see what happened.
What?
What happened?
Um, tell me,
Did they, uh, fall
apart right away?
No, no. They were worn a
while and then they fell apart.
That's what I thought.
It was body heat.
Body heat?
Yeah, the shoes you got
were made for people who...
don't have body heat.
I don't understand.
Look, they came from
a funeral supply house.
A funeral supply house?
Yeah, they must make
their shoes from cardboard.
And they don't get too
much wear and tear.
Well, I don't understand what
that has to do with body heat.
The body heat dissolves the glue
that holds the shoes together.
Oh, I see.
You mean, they're
fine for lying down
but not too good for walking.
You got the picture.
If that's what
happens to the shoes, I
wonder what will happen
to the pants I bou...
Oh, well... That's
not your problem.
Thanks.
I have enough problems already.
Hi, Margie.
Oh, hi, Ann.
How's business?
Terrible.
You know those slippers
I was gonna send you?
Yeah.
Well, if they're anything like
the shoes I've been selling,
you better forget 'em.
You see, they're
slightly defective.
What do you mean?
Well, when you wear
them, they fall apart.
Oh, how awful! I'll say.
The worst part about it is
Don didn't want me to sell
those shoes in the first place.
Now, I not only have to
tell him the shoes are bad,
I have to tell him he was right.
While you're at it, you
might as well tell him
you're sorry you ruined his
career, too. What do you mean?
Well, the shoes you sold him arrived
this afternoon and right after that,
the boss asked him to cover this meeting
of the Middle Eastern Alliance tonight.
Don't tell me, I can guess.
You mean he decided
to... That's right.
Just about now, your
shoes should be walking
right to the front
door of the U.N.
You mean, the
United Nations U.N.?
I sure do.
Oh, no, I can just see it.
Donald goes to shake hands with an
ambassador and his shoes will fall off.
Boy, am I in trouble with him.
Oh, I'm sorry, Ann. I
didn't mean to upset you.
I don't really think
he'll lose his job.
No, he'll just probably
lose his mind, and kill me.
He didn't want those
shoes in the first place.
I talked him into them.
Now, you certainly won't
have to talk him out of them.
You know where those
other pair are now?
Yeah, here, he put them away.
Good, I'll take these with me.
Where are you going?
I've got to get to Donald's
shoes before his body heat does.
Well, thank you very much, sir,
and I hope you have a
pleasant stay in New York.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
I appreciate it.
Where is everybody?
Boy, are you late, lady.
They all left.
Oh, but where did they go?
Ma'am, I'm just a janitor.
They don't usually tell me.
Would you have any
idea who would know?
Uh, wait a minute,
think I saw some sort
of schedule around here.
Uh, here it is.
Oh, good.
Let's see. Oh, terrific.
They've gone to the hotel.
Can I keep this?
Oh, take anything you want.
What's that?
Uh, a piece of cardboard.
You want it?
Cardboard what?
Cardboard, uh, box.
Oh, thank goodness.
Just a minute, please.
May I see your invitation?
Oh, my, I must have
left that at home.
I'm sorry, but I
can't let you in
without an invitation.
Oh, listen, all I wanna
do is run in there,
drop this package
off and run right out.
I'll bet you'll run right out.
A lot of disgruntled people
wouldn't mind planting a
bomb in a room upstairs.
But these are just shoes.
You better talk to Mr. Flushing.
Wait right here.
Mr. Flushing, Uh, I...
Hey! Now back here.
Now, what's all this about?
Uh, well, I have to get
upstairs to that dinner
to give my boyfriend his shoes.
He's got... It's just
too complicated
to explain right now.
Perhaps, you better
just step with me
into the office.
Oh, please. If you'll just
call Mr. Don Hollinger
out of the dinner.
He's a reporter with
"Newsview" Magazine,
and he'll be able
to vouch for me.
Joe, see if there's a
Don Hollinger up there.
All right, if you think you
can handle her while I'm gone.
Thank you very
much, Mr. Flushing.
I know that Mr. Hollinger
will be able to take care
of this whole thing.
Oh, I'm sure he's all
probably quite innocent.
But we must be
careful. We can't risk an
international incident.
It'll just be a local incident.
When my boyfriend murders me.
I think I see what you mean.
Oh, Donald, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, well, you should be.
Do you realize how
important this meeting is?
Of course I do.
That's why I came.
Well, you shouldn't have.
I have never been so
embarrassed in my life.
Oh, I thought I could get here
before your shoes fell apart.
Look, when they called me...
My shoes fell apart?
Didn't your shoes fall apart?
Well, of course not, what
are you talking about?
Then why aren't
you wearing them?
Well, because when you
so rudely interrupted me,
I was having dinner with
the Emir of Meshabadia.
Oh, no, he must have seen you
without your shoes.
Annie, he saw everybody
without their shoes.
The cow is sacred in Meshabadia.
It is against protocol
to appear before
the Emir wearing
any sort of leather.
So naturally, I
took my shoes off.
You didn't have to bother.
Those shoes you could have worn.
Hi, Donald. Here are your shoes.
Thanks.
Well, I hope I'm
gonna get my $50 back.
Oh, yes.
And Mr. Caswell
was very nice about it.
In fact, he said if
he didn't take back
the shoes, he
wouldn't have any sole.
That's a little joke.
Yeah, very little.
Okay, let's go.
Wait a minute, where's
the other pair of shoes?
I have to give them
back to Mr. Caswell.
Yeah, that's what I
would like to know.
I looked everywhere.
I couldn't find it.
Well, do you think
somebody stole them?
Well, if they did,
they deserve them.
Well, I just hope whoever
took them comes from
a cold climate.
♪♪