That Girl (1966–1971): Season 1, Episode 14 - Phantom of the Horse Opera - full transcript

I don't hear a thing, Ann.

You're crazy. Good night.

Wait, wait. Don't leave me here.

Ann, go back to bed.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

♪♪

Except that music.

I knew it was real.

Ooh, it's so creepy.

It sure is.

Just like in my nightmare.



I was trapped in this old castle

where the wolf-man
was playing an organ.

I tried to get away, but I
ran smack into Dracula.

And he grabbed me and
he chained me to the wall.

And just then,

out walked Frankenstein,
and he looked at Dracula.

And he said, "Who
is my next victim?"

And Dracula cackled
wildly, and he pointed at me.

And he said, "That girl."

♪♪

I just bought a dozen
eggs, Judy. Help yourself.

I only need one for the waffle.

Thanks for letting me stay
over. I really feel silly about it now.

Don't apologize.



Nothing like that has
ever happened before.

We must have a new neighbor.

New and dangerous.

Boy, you've ruined
the neighborhood.

By playing the organ?

Today the organ,
tomorrow the tuba.

And before you
know it, 76 trombones.

Hey, Judy, I'm hungry.

Did you come over here to
borrow an egg or to hatch one?

Oh, Annie, I'm
sorry about last night.

Oh, that's okay. I wasn't hurt.

Hmm. I just, uh, never
sat on a neighbor before.

Boy, what a feeling.

Well, how were you supposed to
know I was sleeping on the couch?

I think you're both losing your minds.
I didn't hear a thing all night long.

Because your apartment
faces the street. You

can only hear it from
my side of the building.

Hmm. You're lucky.
All we hear are buses.

Maybe I'll just go
over there and ask him

to please play a little softer.

Other people will
probably complain, too.

I hope so. I don't wanna
end up in the hospital.

From loud organ music?

From sleeping on your couch.

Leon is heavy.

♪♪

You ready? Ready. Go.

Uh, movie. A movie.
It's a saying. It's a saying.

What am I doing?
What are you doing?

I'm making a camera. Why
a camera if it's a saying?

Because it's a movie.

Why didn't you say?
Because I'm not supposed to.

All right, then stop talking.

How many words?

All right, five
words. Five words.

Which word are
you gonna do first?

First word. All
right, small word.

Small word. Little word.

An, The, A. A.

Is it "A?"

Is it The? The.

It's "The."

The something
blank, blank, blank.

Okay. All right. Five
words. You said that already.

Fifth word. You're gonna
do the fifth word, right?

Fifth word. Right. Fifth
word. How many syllables?

Three syllables.
Three syllables.

You're a singer.

Three-syllable singer. Sinatra!

You're not a singer.

- You're crying.
- You're the town crier.

All right, you're not a
crier. You're a singer, right?

Singer.

You're killing yourself?

'Cause you're a rotten singer.

You're a Classical
singer. Classical.

Uh, uh... Type
of like, uh, opera.

You're an opera singer.

Cut now, cut. Uh,
uh, different opera.

Opera. The something, something.

Something opera.
Right. All right,

Aecond word. Second word.

Okay, um, second word.

Ugly opera.

The horrible opera.

Um, monster. The monster.

Monster, um, phantom.

Phantom. The
Phantom of the Opera.

You should've gotten that right away.
Haven't you been listening to that music?

That's not fair. That's not fair to use
that music as a clue. Well, it didn't work.

Where is that music coming from?

I don't know. Somebody in the next
building plays the organ every night.

Frankly, I prefer the
sound of our buses.

Okay, Judy, it's your turn.

Oh. No, kid. Wait a minute.

We gotta go. I-I'm pooped.

Oh, no, one more. I'm sorry.

Why do we always have
to go when it's my turn?

No. It's my turn to go
home and get some sleep.

I mean, after all, you'll
never know when one of

those little ladies
might decide to call.

Never plan a long party if you're
gonna invite an obstetrician.

Right.

Good night. Good night.

Honey, does that music
go on like that all the time?

Practically. I'm beginning to
get re-runs on my nightmares.

You know, someone should tell
whoever's playing that organ to stop.

Oh, I went over there yesterday,
but I couldn't find out who it was.

Well, it's easy to find out now.

All you have to do
is follow the music.

Hey, you're right.

I'll clean up, and on your way home,
why don't you go and see who it is?

Me? Look, it's your neighborhood.
I'm just passing through.

I'm not gonna go over
there at this time of night.

Who knows what kind of fiend
might be playing that organ.

Oh, your imagination is
running away with you.

So, why don't you go over?

Well, um, well,
we'll both go over.

Your imagination is
running away with me, too.

♪♪

It sounds like it's coming
from in there. Come on.

You know, now that I hear it
close up, it's really kind of nice.

Why don't we
just forget about it?

Honey, there is
nothing to be afraid of.

Well, I guess no one's home.

Honey, if no one's home,
who is playing the organ?

That's something to be afraid
of. They probably didn't hear us.

Honey, you're cutting
off my circulation.

Yes?

Uh, this is your neighbor
from the next building.

Oh, who are you?

Oh, he's not the neighbor.
I'm the only neighbor.

He's just the neighbor's
friend. I mean, he's my friend.

I'm the neighbor. He
lives up on 54th Street.

We really have to be going.

Uh, what she's trying to say
is that we heard your music.

Oh, how nice.

Won't you come in?

Come in, please.

Well, it certainly was nice
of you to drop by this way.

You, uh, you really
liked the music?

Well, it was, uh,
certainly very loud.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.
Where are my manners?

I'm Everett Valentine.

How do you do? I'm Ann Marie.

And this is Don Hollinger.

How do you do,
sir? How do you do?

Oh, what a beautiful organ.

Oh, yes.

Uh, this organ was made

especially for the Rialto
Theater in Omaha, Nebraska.

I played "The Thief of Baghdad"

there for 6 weeks.

Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, sit down. Sit down, please.

Thank you.

Wow, what a beautiful chair.

Oh, yeah. Speaking
of chairs, this,

Mary Pickford sat in this

in "Little Lord Fauntleroy".

I'll get a picture.
I have a picture.

Uh...

Mary Pickford.

Oh.

Were you an actor,
Mr. Valentine?

No, but I've been in the motion

picture business all my life.

That is, up until 1929.

Oh, the Crash, huh?

No, the soundtrack.

Every great new motion
picture that came out,

they clamored for
Everett Valentine

to play the accompaniment.

Oh, you played background music.

Well, I like to
think of it as a little

more than that, my dear.

You see, I say that, uh,

celluloid is the
body of the film,

but music is the soul.

Oh, it must've been
quite a blow to you

when sound took over.

Oh, I thought it was
just a passing fad.

But, as the years went by,

I suddenly had to face the fact

that my career had ended...

forever.

Uh, well, um, uh, what,

what have you been
doing since, um,

uh, 1929, sir?

Oh, well, I, um, I
managed to get by.

All that really matters is

that my nights are my own.

You see, I have a
collection of some

of my very favorite
films. Oh, really?

Yes. And every
night, I'd play one.

And the glories of
the past live again.

W-Well, that's why
we came over here, sir.

Uh, we, we wanted
to... Uh, compliment you

on how well you play.

Oh, thank you very much.

You know, you should've
been here Monday night.

I played "The
Phantom of the Opera"

with Lon Chaney.

Oh, by the way, I
have the original poster

from that film, if
you'd care to see it.

Oh, no, that's okay.

It scared me enough
just to hear you play it.

Oh, thank you very much.

Thank you. You know,

you have all the qualities

of the early Clara Bow.

Oh, really?

Yes. Look. Oh, thank you.

You know, I'm in
show business, too.

You're an actress.

Yes.

I might've known.

Uh, look, Mr. Valentine,

uh, we don't wanna
hurt your feelings.

But we really have to get going.

Oh. Well, I'm very sorry.

Maybe you can
come back on Friday.

I'm going to play "Riders
of the Purple Sage".

Oh, that's terrific. Thank you.

That's with William
S. Hart, you know?

Oh, yes. I loved his pictures.

Yes. Thank you so much. It was
wonderful meeting you. You're very welcome.

Good, and come again,
will you? Thank you.

We'd love to. Thank
you very much.

Bye bye. Bye.

Bye.

We certainly told
him off, didn't we?

I just couldn't ask
him to stop playing.

It's all he's got left.

Yeah. Yeah.

That and Mary Pickford's chair.

Poor man.

All dressed up in a tuxedo

just to sit alone
and play the organ.

What do you mean poor man?

I don't even own a tuxedo.

I wish I hadn't
sent him that note.

It really upset him.

Yeah, but it didn't stop him.

If he had a job, he
wouldn't have to play here.

Well, Annie, why don't you
rent him a rehearsal hall?

That's not the answer.

The answer is to find him
a job playing the organ.

What are you doing?

Charades?

Two words.

First word.

Little word.

Uh, a, of, in, the,
but, is... But. But.

Second word.

Out.

But out.

I thought agents were
always looking for new clients.

Well, lots of places
use organ players.

Oh, I can't think
of any right now.

Miss.

Uh, just a minute,
Ma'am. Just a minute.

What do you mean
it's tough enough trying

to find me a job?

What? I can't hear you.
Can't you talk a little louder?

Miss. I'll be with you
in just a minute, Ma'am.

George, will you please try?

It's very important to me. Okay.

You do what you can
do, and I'll be trying, too.

Okay. Bye.

And thanks.

Young lady, can
you tell me something

about this machine?

It's very good.
I'd like to buy it.

I can't sell it. I'm not
in this department.

I'm in Tots and
Toddlers. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

May I help you?

Oh, no, I work here.

Oh, you must be new.

Are you in sheet music?

No, I'm in Tots and Toddlers.

Well, then, what
are you doing here?

Well, actually, I've
come to talk to you

about a friend of mine
who plays the organ.

Oh. Is he interested
in a Baroque pipe

or Aluminum Electric?

Oh, no, he doesn't
wanna buy one.

He's looking for a job,

and I thought you might
need a demonstrator.

What do you think I'm doing?

Demonstrating.

Exactly.

Well, couldn't you
use an assistant?

Now, what would an assistant do,

work the pedals?

Oh, maybe he
could fill in for you

when you take a break.

I never take a break.

Well, thank you.

Oh, excuse me.

Now what?

Do you know your
coffee's dripping?

No, but if you find
it in the sheet music,

I'll be glad to play it for you.

That's a music department joke.

Who is it?

Don. Oh, hi, Donald.

Hi. Any luck with your project?

No luck at all.

First tried the ball parks
and the skating rinks,

and they all use
recorded organ music now.

Well, what about churches?

They must still
use live organists.

Are you kidding? I've tried
every church in this neighborhood.

There's not one opening
for an organ player.

Well, honey, you tried.

Donald, what time is it?

Uh, 9:35.

That's strange.

I don't hear
Mr. Valentine playing.

Yes. Isn't it nice?

But he should be playing by now.

First, you want him to stop. Now,
you're worried because he has stopped.

All right, I admit it.

I am worried.

The thought of
that sweet old man

just sitting there
all alone with all

his old mementos.

Junk.

You know, it's,
it's like discovering

a cuddly old dinosaur
right in the middle

of Central Park.

A cuddly old dinosaur?

You know what I mean.

It's as if some time machine

just plucked him out of the past

and left him stranded
in that shabby little room.

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

You're gonna love me for this.

For what?

You know, Valentine
might make a very

interesting story
for the magazine.

Listen. A man time
has passed by like a

like a relic from a bygone era.

Oh, Donald, that's beautiful.

I love it.

Yeah, I like it,
too. Oh, let's do it.

Well, it's not up to
us. It's up to my editor.

Oh, Donald, let's do it.
I'm sure he'll love it, too.

Come on, let's go right now.
Wait a minute. Not so fast.

Why, Donald? That's a
marvelous human-interest story.

Yeah, but my boss is not human,

so he might not be interested.

Can't we just go over
and talk to Mr. Valentine?

Please, Donald.

All right. all right.

I'll go over there with you,

but I'm not promising anything.

Fine, You ask the questions,

and I'll take the notes.

Oh, hello. Come in. Thank you.

I'm just starting
this film. Excuse me.

It won't be very much longer.

Do you mind sitting
down? No. Thank you.

When they made William S. Hart,

they threw away the mold.

We came over because
we didn't hear you playing.

Oh, I started getting
so many complaints

that I had to stop playing.

Oh, how terrible.

Well, I can still hum,
but not very loud.

I really don't understand.

You like my music?

Oh, yes. Very, very much.

Oh, yeah, I've always said that,

um, uh, the, uh,
the celluloid may be

the body of the
film, but the, uh,

the music is, uh,
the, uh, uh, soul, soul.

Well, I've often
said that myself.

I'm gonna go get us
some peanut brittle.

Oh, Donald, you've just
got to write that article.

He not only can't play for
a living, he can't play at all.

All right. I'll ask
him a few questions.

But let's not get his hopes
up. My boss may not go for it.

Here it is.

Don't eat too much.
It's probably his dinner.

There you are. Oh, thank you.

And there's quite a history
to that plate. Oh, really?

It was used by the
"Keystone Kops"

in their famous
pie-throwing scene.

Oh, my. Hey, you must
have quite a few souvenirs.

Uh, w-what about that chair?

Oh, let me guess.

John Barrymore.

No.

My mother.

Really?

Was your mother a movie star?

No, but she liked nice chairs.

I do have this, though.

A pressed rose.

Theda Bara wore it in "Carmen"

between her teeth.

Yeah.

Well, Mr. Valentine,
of all the stars,

who was your favorite?

Oh, that's easy.

It was only one.

Only one.

Mabel.

It was my humble privilege

to accompany her.

And you are invited next week

to my "Mabel Normand Festival."

That is, if you don't
mind humming.

Well, Mr. Valentine,
I have a feeling

you're never gonna
have to hum again.

I hope not.

It makes my lips tickle.

Hello?

Oh, hi Donald.

You're kidding.

They're gonna run your
article on Mr. Valentine?

Oh, that's terrific.

When will it be out?

Oh, Donald, I
can't wait to see it.

What?

Oh, don't be silly.

I wouldn't dream of telling him.

I wouldn't spoil the surprise.

Oh, Donald, that's great.

Donald, you're so wonderful.

Thank you.

Bye.

Excuse me, but has the
new "Newsview" come in yet?

Y-y-yes.

That's a newsstand joke.

Oh.

Oh, could I please have five?

Thank you.

♪♪

Mr. Valentine.

Mr. Valentine.

You mean he moved?

It was more like he vanished.

Judy, it was absolutely eerie.

The place was deserted.

Nothing but a copy of "Newsview"

lying there on the wastebasket.

At least he found out about it

before he left.

Yeah, but if he
found out about it,

why did he leave?

That's very mysterious.

I'll say.

All we're missing
is the organ music.

Yes?

Yeah, all right.
Send him in, please.

Thank you.

Good afternoon.

I'm Vernon Lyons.

Don Hollinger. How are you, sir?

Nice to see you. Would
you sit down, please?

No, thank you.

You're the gentleman
who wrote the article

on Everett Valentine.

Yes, yes, that's right.

You know where I can find him?

Well, yes. He's a
neighbor of a friend of mine.

Do you have a job for him?

No, I have a warrant for him.

A what?

He's wanted in seven states.

Hi. Hi. How did
you like the article?

Oh, it was terrific, but listen.

What do you think about the part

where I compared
him to a faded star?

That was the best
part, but Donald...

You really liked it?

Donald, Mr. Valentine
has disappeared.

He has?

Yes.

But the thing I
can't figure out is,

he knew about the article.

Then take that
as your first clue.

Okay.

But I still don't see
why he'd leave town.

That article was
great publicity.

Well, honey, a man
who's wanted by the police

doesn't want publicity.

Well, that's a good
reason, but he's what?

He's wanted in seven
states. For what?

Well, first of all, they want him
in Nebraska for stealing an organ.

You don't mean the
one in his apartment?

Ah! That's the one.

I can't believe that.

That sweet old man
with all his old souvenirs.

Yeah, he stole those, too.

Even the films?

No, no. Those he bought,

but the check bounced.

That poor man.

He must have been desperate.

I mean, all alone in the world.

Well, not quite.

You see, he has
a wife in Nevada.

And one in South Dakota
and another one in Michigan.

And they're all looking for him
because he hasn't paid alimony in years.

No wonder he left town so fast

when that article came out.

And we thought we were helping.

The only help he needed
was to pack his bags.

Honey, you know,
his last job was

at the Roxy Theatre in 1929.

When the movie was over,

he walked out of the
lobby with $10,000

from the box office.

Well, do the police
know where he is now?

Well, not exactly,

but they know
he's still in the city

and they're gonna catch him.

Oh, I'm sure they will.

He can't get very
far carrying an organ.

Hi.

Hi, hon. What's up?

I've got a surprise for you.

Remember when we said very
few places use organ players?

Yeah?

Well, we forgot one place.

I just got a letter
from Mr. Valentine.

Yeah? Where is he?

Sing Sing.

They made him
the prison organist.

No kidding.

Well, at least he can
add some new songs

to his repertoire.

Like, like, "If I Had
the Wings of an Angel."

And "Prisoner of Love."

And listen,

when they make an
escape over the wall,

he can go, ♪
ta-ra-da-da, ta-ra-da-da, ♪

♪ hmm, hmm, hmm. ♪

No, that tickles his lips.