That '70s Show (1998–2006): Season 7, Episode 1 - Time Is on My Side - full transcript

What?

I'm starting to notice something about you.

You're still here!

What your father means is

you haven't seemed like yourself
since you called off the wedding.

No, what I mean is...

get out!

Well, i'm sorry. It's only been a week.
It was kind of traumatic, you know?

Last night I only slept, like,

nine hours.

Honey, we just..we want
to know what your plans are.



I would have waited until
next week to ask you,

but apparently some people agree to things
and then just do whatever they want.

I've got some questions, I want answers.

What are you doing about moving out?

I don't know.

About donna?

I don't know.

Your job?

I don't know.

Your future?

Okay, i'm gonna go ahead
and hit you with an...

I don't know.

Then no food for you.

What?



Red, he's so skinny.
Just take away his car.

No.

I'm trying to teach the boy responsibility.

I want a plan out of you
by tonight or no dinner, either.

Dad, that's no...
Wait, mom, what's for dinner?

- Fried chicken.
- Oh, come on!

Steven?

- When are you moving out?
- Soon.

- How's your girlfriend?
- Shallow as hell.

- Job?
- Dead end.

- Future?
- Bleak.

Kitty, feed the boy.

Donna, you hair is
gonna look so fabulous.

It's weird.
I actually feel different.

Well, now that you're not getting married
you have to re-energize yourself spiritually

And making superficial changes,
this is the best way to do that.

- Hello..
- Beurk.

Oh, come on..
A sweater vest?

Jackie, if you don't have anything nice
to say, just don't say anything at all.

Well, if I followed that rule
I'd never speak again!

Yeah, it's kinda the idea.

Okay, okay, I'm going.

You look like
a circus poodle!

Hey, So uh...

Look, I think we need to talk.. about..

us.. since the..

Matrimonial incident. I mean,
we've seen each other but..

We haven't really
talked about anything.

Yeah but it's
been nice right?

I mean I'm sick of
talking about us..

And I'm not mad because you were right.
I mean, we were about to make...

A huge mistake.

I can't live in a trailer with you.

I'd hear you going to the bathroom.

Yes, I had thought about that.

I was only gonna go in a bottle
after you were asleep, so...

See, remember when our relationship
was the most fun thing in our lives?

And now we put all
this pressure on it.

I wish we could just, you know
hang out without all that stuff.

Holy mother of God.

Do you like it?

Are you kidding, yes!

It's good. I think it's like a sign that you're..

Loosening up,

Like maybe now you might like that
thing I try in bed that makes you mad.

I won't.

I'll still try.

See, this is great. Your perviness
is our biggest problem now.

- just like the old days.
- yes, exactly.

See, we should just hang out.

You know,

Get back in touch with ourselves

- that sounds dirty. Is it dirty?
- no,

I'm serious. I have a plan.

You have a plan? Perfect.
I need a plan. What's your plan?

I'm gonna deejay at
the radio station full-time

And rededicate myself to feminism.

At the radio station?

Is that... What, are you
Gonna play more heart?

And other stuff.

Maybe some benatar.

Wow.

Whatever. I'm blonde now.
I can do what I want.

Hello.

Oh-ho,

What are you doing
With that sandwich?

I thought that we established
That you needed a plan.

Oh, i've got a plan.

Donna is gonna work full-time
At the radio station and

Rededicate herself to feminism.

Feminists...

Equal pay's fine, but
Put a little lipstick on.

Whatever.

Anyway, that's the plan.
We came up with it this morning.

That's donna's plan.

What's your plan?

My plan...

Is to support donna's plan.

Thought you had
me there, didn't you?

- get out.
- fine,

But know this....

I will have my fried chicken.

How come you're making
So many sandwiches?

Bulking up for the winter?

No, no, no,

I... I didn't mean it like that.

No, see, it's like

You're the mama bear,

And i'm the papa bear.

We're bears.

Fine. We're not bears.

I'm sorry.

I made so many sandwiches, not because
I am a fat prehibernation bear,

But because bob is coming over for lunch, and since
He is still dating pam and midge like some kind of gigolo,

I didn't know how much food I would need.

Hey, everybody, I think you know
My date and former wife midge.

Bob, they know me.

It's me. Midge!

So does this mean you two
Are back together?

Well, we've been talking things over, and
We're pretty close to working things out.

What is going on here?

- pam!
- back off. He's mine.

That is not what you said
To me in bed last night.

Well, you should have heard what
He said to me last night in the hot tub.

You told me that you got up
To get an ice cream cone

I don't know why you're upset.
I wasn't gone that long.

All right! Eric traded in
Donna for a hot blonde.

Oh, crap!

She looks exactly like donna!

It is donna, you ding-dong,

Only now she lets forman do
That thing he's been trying.

- eric!
- hyde...

I said maybe.

Your hair is beautiful.
I want to touch it.

Hey, I can do this all day.

Okay, fine.

What, you don't like it?

I like my women like I like my wine--
Red and full of alcohol.

Whatever. When I was a redhead, at the
Bakery, they'd give me a free doughnut.

But as a blonde...

Apple fritter.

So i'm gonna stay blonde for awhile,

And i'm gonna go to the bakery.

You're a lucky man, forman.

Not only is donna not mad,

But as a bonus, she's fixed
Herself up all whorey.

And I have an announcement.

Donna and I have decided we're not
Talking about our relationship anymore.

- hooray!
- bravo!
- mazel tov!

Finally, we'll have some time to talk
About things that I want to talk about.

Number one... Cocoa butter.

It doesn't taste like cocoa or butter.

It's gonna be so great to be with donna
Without all the talking and the decisions

And the labels. You know, am I your fianc??
You know, am I your boyfriend?

Hey, wait a minute. Are you and donna
Boyfriend and girlfriend or not?

No, i'm saying why put labels on it?

Are you dating, or can
You see other people?

Why are you so interested?

- he's trying to figure out if he can nail donna.
- hyde!

Let me build up to it. Damn!

So can i?

No.

Thanks for nothing, hyde.

Eric, you really got it made with donna..
No responsibilities, no plans.

What a great way to live your life.

You know what? That is
A great way to live your life.

Hey, you know what, you guys? I've figured
Out what i'm gonna do this year.

You're gonna be the first person
To put on my human firecracker suit.

No, i'm talking... Wait,
What is a firecracker suit?

Right, so it's this suit that--

Wait.

You have to agree
To wear it before I tell you.

I'm intrigued. We'll talk more later.

You guys, my dad said I had to have
A plan this year, and now I have it.

I'm gonna take the year off.

Isn't that what elvis said right
Before he died on the toilet?

No, you guys, seriously,
Look, rich kids do it, right?

After high school, they take a year off, go to europe,
Figure out what they're gonna do. I'm gonna do exactly that..

Just go nowhere and do nothing.

So you're gonna be a bum.

In the grandest european tradition, yes!

Hey, why not? He's young, he's got a free place
To live, a girl that's way too hot for him.

Ride the ride, baby.

Exactly.

You know, this whole marriage
Thing has made me think,

Why am I in such a hurry to grow up?

You know, life

Is like a train. It's bearing down
On you, and guess what.

It's gonna hit you.

So you can either start running when it's far off in the
Distance. Or you can pull up a chair, crack open a beer

And just watch it come.

I did that once.

No, kelso, not a real train.

No, a metaphorical one.
- Like a.. Like a ghost train?

Yes.

A ghost train.

You know, I tell you, red,

I don't like this situation
With bob and two women.

I have put up with a lot of weird things
In this neighborhood... Hot tubs,

Wife swapping,

Jogging.

Now I am drawing the line. You have
To make bob choose one woman.

Well, the choice is obvious.. Pam.

Red, this isn't your decision. It's his,

And he has to pick midge.

But pam is so tan.

But, red, if bob picks midge,
He will reunite a shattered family,

Bringing their only daughter a glimpse
Of happiness for the first time in her life.

But pam is so tan.

Forman,

Your whole year off plan..

It's lazy, it's selfish and it's
Gonna piss a lot of people off.

So nice job.

Thank you.

What are you gonna do
For cash, man? I mean,

You know, rich kids..
They have a trust fund.

Alls you've got are some poorly
Assembled model airplanes.

I melted those.

I guess if I have to work,
It's not a year off, so

Maybe I can sell something. Guys,
What do I have that's worth any money?

Oh, donna, I can sell
Your engagement ring.

She's going to kill him.

Fez, get out of the swing zone.

I got 10 bucks on the girl,

And I mean donna.

Actually, I have no problem
With you selling it.

Donna,

You are so amazing. I swear, if

I created you in a laboratory,
You could not say more perfect things.

Yeah, but then she'd have those
Bolts coming out of her neck.

Well, the only problem is
I don't have the ring.

What?

Well, when I was mad at you for blowing off
The wedding, I threw it off the water tower.

Donna, that ring is a symbol of
Our eternal love for each other.

You were gonna sell it to finance
A year of napping and boozing.

Yeah, that's true,

So...who's wrong here?

I think there's a little something
Wrong with all of us.

Okay, uh, well, if you threw the ring from up here,

It's gotta be around here somewhere.

All right,excuse me.

I am a police officer in training,

So we're gonna do this by the book.

What book? You didn't read any book.

No, but I was assigned one.

Killed four bees with it.

All right, what we're gonna do
Is we're gonna recreate the scene.

Donna, eric has just let you down in a big way.

You're up on this tower. You've had a few beers,
So you're starting to feel a little loose

And very, very vulnerable.

- okay, that sounds about right.
- okay.

Do you wanna make out?

Kelso, I thought you werere creating the scene.

I'm taking the scene in a new direction.

Okay, okay, let's just get to
The part where she threw the ring.

Okay.

So...

what we're gonna do here is we're gonna throw
an m&m into the woods in place of the ring.

Wherever it lands, we'll search there first.

Fez, give him the m&ms, man.

Yeah, about that...

whose dumb idea was it tolet me hold the m&ms?

All right. Instead of the candy,

we will throw my keys into the woods.

Oh, crap. I just threw my keys into the woods!

Sure did.

Why didn't somebody say something?

So that you'd throw your keys into the woods.

Oh, that's a good burn.

I had very little to do with it.

Okay, bob, what the hell
are you doing up on your roof?

Hiding from my girlfriends.

This afternoon we were all talking
about our favorite juices.

Pam said her favorite juice was cranberry.

Midge said she liked apple.

To avoid trouble, I said my favorite was cran-apple.

They viewed that as cheating,
and now I'm on the roof.

Kitty and I think that you should
choose between pam and midge.

And when I say : "kitty and I", I mean just kitty.

And when I say : "choose between pam and midge",

I mean choose pam.

It's tough. I really love pam. But

midge is donna's mother.
How can I turn my back on that?

Look, just give me a name.
I gotta take something back to kitty.

So don't go home. Stay here.

I'm not gonna spend the day hiding
on the roof like a damn pigeon.

I got beer.

Well, it is peaceful up here.

All right, did anybody find anything?

I found a pair of my sister's panties.

I knew they were hers
because they had her name and

phone number in them.

A girl's gotta advertise.

You guys, I'm starving, okay?
I haven't eaten all day.

- Here.
- Oh.

Oh, thanks, fez.

Yeah, good cheetos.

Really? 'Cause I found the min
the woods, and they were damp.

Like something peed on them.

Awesome! Eric ate pee-tos!

Okay, look, I don't wanna start anything,

but had you bought donna a decent-sized
diamond, we would have found it by now.

The ring was pretty small, man. Whenever
I saw it, I thought donna was really far away.

She was standing right next to me.

Yeah, when I first saw it, I said,
"donna, there's dust on your ring."

Then I realized that was the ring.

Guys, guys, stop.

If we don't find it soon,
a mosquito's going to eat it.

Okay, I love the ring.

It was petite, not showy.

Thank you.

Well, you know, donna has a thing for miniatures.

Okay, you guys, enough about the ring.

Obviously, it was enough
for me to pay for my year off.

And according to "Esquire",
sweater vest are in.

Wow... Jackie, help.

Oh, get away! You touched pee-tos!

He touched pee-tos!

you know what?

Falling off that water tower was a sign.

The minute I stopped working hard,
I accomplished exactly what I needed to do.

I found the ring.

And if you're gonna land on a diamond,
it's best to land on the smallest one ever made.

Well, I'm afraid your school yard
insults have no power here, child.

I'm a whole new me... tougher,

braver and...

louder!

I'm gonna tell my dad what's what

and get my gosh-darn fried chicken.

Okay, donna, here's the situation.

I have to choose between
pam and midge, and it's a

very personal and intimate
decision that only I can make.

It's really scary, so I'd like you to do it.

Dad, I can't choose for you.

Come on, you choose my shirts.
Choose my lady love.

Mom, where are you going?

Bob,

I saw how hard you struggled
to get on the roof earlier.

What with the kicking and the wiggling,

I realized it was time for me to go home
and give you and midge a chance.

- You're one fine lady.
- I'll miss you, bob.

And, honey,

it's scary to be on my own, but if you
come with me, I know I can do it.

Oh, mom, I would love to come home with you!

Oh, good.

You're the only one who can explain things to the maid.

Okay,

I'm here to earn my dinner.

What am I doing about donna?

We're hanging out.

What am I doing about my job?

I quit.

What am I doing about my future?

Nothing.

When am I moving out?

Make me.

Hey, uh, fez, I think I have
something in my eye.

Is it donna's engagement ring?

No, no, it's too big for that.

Hey, maybe we should get some doctors' masks
so we don't accidentally inhale donna's ring.

Okay, okay, donna, you thought the
engagement ring was big enough, right?

Burn!

- I didn't say anything.
- So say something.

- It could have been bigger.
- Burn!