Tell Me You Love Me (2007): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript
[HEAVY BREATHING]
Are you asleep?
Yeah.
Can you not be asleep?
Why?
'Cause I can't sleep.
Okay.
I don't know why,
but I really feel
like thanking you.
Oh, no, you don't
have to thank me.
I'm perfectly happy to
masturbate in a public place
surrounded by nurses, it's...
[LAUGHING]
It's totally my thing.
You know me.
Thank you. I mean it.
Maybe I should warm
these puppies up.
[LAUGHING]
We can't warm
the puppies up.
We can't?
No. That's the whole point.
We can't.
Okay.
No, seriously.
Okay.
No, we seriously can't.
Totally.
I know.
No, 'cause it'll
jeopardize everything,
so we just can't.
Totally. I know.
Babe, we can't. No.
Okay. Okay.
No. We have to stop.
Yeah. Right.
Okay, we do.
Seriously.
All right.
Okay.
You fuckin' woke me up.
I know. I know.
[SLAMS DRAWER]
[LAUGHING]
Did anybody see you?
I hate when that happens.
Oh, my God.
I don't know.
It was funny.
So last week?
Yeah.
I felt a little...
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
...um, l-lost.
Excuse me.
I'm very sorry.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
Hello.
DAVID:
Hi.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Hey.
Hey.
What is it? What's wrong?
Did something happen?
What happened?
Nothing. Nothing.
Everything's fine.
It's fine.
It's just I, uh...
I just decided
to come.
Why?
[STAMMERS]
[CHUCKLES]
You know, we've done everything
together and I just, um...
I didn't want her
to do this alone.
Come in.
[GIGGLES]
I was just telling her
I tripped coming in here today.
You okay?
Yeah, I just felt stupid.
[CHUCKLES]
[WHISPERING]
Try not to scream
at her this time.
I didn't scream
last time, did I?
Did I yell?
I'm glad
you came back.
Showing up,
for whatever reason,
is a very positive
and difficult thing to do.
[CLEARS THROAT]
So let's talk about what nobody
wants to talk about.
After all, this is therapy.
Let's do it.
I know you haven't been
sexual for a while,
and I know it's been
difficult for Katie.
Has it been
difficult for you?
Yeah.
For married couples, not having
sex is not a new subject
as you probably know.
In fact, it's reached
record numbers.
And certainly there are obvious
issues that we can discuss.
One of the many things
that couples cite
as an obstacle is time.
Or lack of time together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'd like to make
a suggestion.
Well, that's what we're
payin' you for, right?
[CHUCKLES]
Some practice
before the game.
Great, let's hear it.
Put a lock on
your bedroom door.
Or, if you already
have one, use it.
Say to yourselves that this
is a choice that you wanna make
for yourselves,
for your relationship.
Put the lock on the door
and spend a few minutes
every day
in the bedroom
alone together.
Look, no offense, but, uh,
you've known us what,
a couple hours, right?
And that just
isn't who we are.
What? Lock
the children out?
This has nothing to do
with your children.
This is a choice
that you're gonna make
for your relationship.
Look, you've devoted
11 years to your children,
Give each other
half an hour a day.
DOCTOR:
There's the follicle.
Looks great.
Beautiful size.
This next part is just
like a pap smear, okay?
You all right?
Yep.
[GROANS]
Okay.
I'm gonna put
the catheter in...
through
your cervix...
into your uterus.
You doin'
all right?
Fine.
[QUIETLY]
Okay.
This looks really good.
Very good.
Mm. Well. Well,
I've been told.
[LAUGHS]
Okay. Here we go.
Okay, it's goin' in.
This'll just take
a minute or so, okay?
Okay.
Doin' all right?
Great.
So out of all
these millions
and millions
and millions of sperm,
uh, at least one should score,
don't you think?
That's the idea, yeah.
Okay. That's it.
Great.
You did very well.
Like, uh, but how well?
What do you think
our chances are?
They're good.
CAROLYN:
Like, how good?
More than 50 percent?
Um, ahem, well,
that's hard to say.
But everything
looked really good.
I did notice that your
uterus was slightly tilted
but that doesn't mean anything,
that's just how you're built.
You may wanna get on all fours
for the next 10 minutes.
Most doctors say it doesn't
matter but it can't hurt.
Sure.
Yeah.
Like, just
like this?
Like, right here?
Honey,
could you help?
Yeah, um, sorry.
There we go.
Like this?
You got it.
Okay.
Good luck, you guys.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Did it feel weird?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah? Really, how?
I don't know, just,
like, demystified.
I'm glad we did it.
Me too.
I love you.
I love you too.
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
Yeah, it is.
But what do you think?
I don't know.
To me, it's a stretch.
Yeah, I know.
I gotta go, honey.
Okay.
NICK:
Do you have it or not?
WOMAN:
No. I told you I didn't.
Then where is it?
What do you think that I am?
Some kind of stalker?
I'm not gonna break in,
for fuck sake.
But why is it so important to
you to have your fucking key?
Because it's the key to my
apartment and I want it back.
This is such
bullshit.
I have to work,
okay?
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
[WHISPERING]
Whoa, look, a Lamborghini.
Cool.
What color is it?
KID: Yellow.
DAD:
Yellow.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
[KID CRYING]
Hold on.
DAD:
Quiet. Hold on.
KID:
Mommy.
Shoot. Hold on.
Hey, babe.
Hi. No, I--
I didn't pick it up.
You need it today?
Because--
I didn't pay.
Hold on, he's--
Do we have to
ride with your--?
Do we have to ride with
your sister and her kids?
Ho-- Hold on, he's--
I'll call you back.
Hold on, Garret.
Mommy's at home.
Mommy's at home.
Come on, let's go.
[KID CRYING]
KID:
Mommy.
Hey.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
It's okay.
I didn't wanna deal
with that place on Saturday.
Four hours to stand in line
and buy a can opener.
Here.
Okay.
Oh, you got it,
the lock.
Yeah. Yeah.
[SIGHS]
I don't have to put it on,
I can take it back.
You know, we'll keep it and...
Uh, I...
Great, I--
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm quitting sex.
Can I get an order
of French fries?
I'm quitting.
I'm serious.
I'm sober. Today is my first
official day of being sober.
Yuck. Why?
You love sex.
No, I don't.
See, I need it and it's
fucking ruining my life.
Well, I don't know
why you're blaming sex.
'Cause it ruins
everything.
Look, good sex
just hides everything
that's bad
about a relationship.
Well, then have bad sex.
Okay, have good sex.
Fuck I don't know.
Have you--? Have you
run this by your shrink?
She'd agree with me.
Fuck, maybe then
I should do it.
Like, have a cleanse.
Like, a sex cleanse.
What was she like?
Was she--? Was she firm?
Mm. Kinda. Little bit
intimidating, but nice.
Huh, I wanna
full description.
I just wanna imagine my sister
sitting there, just submissive.
How fucked up am I?
I think you should
go see her.
I'd like to but she
wouldn't have me.
I kinda like all these
old school sports guys,
you know that I mean?
The way they look
at sports, it's like--
Look at 'em,
it's a totally different way
than they look at us.
It's, like, a totally
different kind of love.
How we doin' over here?
Yeah.
They're lucky.
I don't know why you're so
intent on being a couple.
Like, what's so
great about it?
It's like all you care about
is being stuck
in some long-term thing.
I mean, why?
What do you mean, why?
Because I wanna
be with someone.
I wanna spend my life
with someone, all right.
That's what I want.
Okay.
You're as retro
as these guys.
Marry one of them.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, I'm gonna
have a shower.
[WHISPERS]
Okay.
[GROANS]
[WHISPERS]
Hey.
I love you.
I love you too.
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, she's not
in here.
I know.
That's why I am.
Came to get your key?
It's not about the key.
Yeah, I didn't
think so.
I'm just here getting
some stuff she left for me
Because if we see each other,
we're just gonna...fight.
Yeah. No, I know.
I just went
through that.
It's not fun, man.
No, it isn't.
Hey, you wanna
get a drink?
I thought you
were 'toxing.
I am. I was.
I don't think so.
I'm doin' you a favor.
[LAUGHS]
All right. All right.
Hey. Tonight?
Yeah.
Come on, I'm pulling
harder than you are.
Oh, yeah, well,
I'm just saving up
for when we move it
back in a minute.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
All right. The bed
stays right here.
There's no law that says
it has to be against the wall.
We can just pretend
we're on an island somewhere.
So how was lunch?
[SIGHS]
I cancelled.
Why?
Didn't wanna go.
Why not?
Why are you
pushing me to do this?
Because I want it to be over.
It is over.
You said that before.
And I meant it.
The first time,
when you came back
from being with him,
you told me it would never
happen again, but it did.
Once more.
It happened once more.
Arthur, I married you,
not him.
It'll never
happen again.
I've heard that before.
[SIGHS]
[MAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER TV]
Honey.
Honey.
Mm.
You fell asleep.
Just for a couple
more minutes.
[TV CLICKS OFF]
[GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
[GRUNTING]
You know, the owner of this
place died in his stool.
[CHUCKLES]
No. He didn't.
Yeah, he did.
Ask the bartender.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah, I think
I'll pass.
I'm gonna go put music
in the jukebox, all right?
It's about 10 songs
in front of us.
Are they good ones?
I don't know.
Well, what'd you pick?
If you stick around,
you'll find out.
All right.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[GIGGLES]
[SHAKING DOORKNOB]
[KNOCKS]
Dave.
Dave.
Yep.
What did you do?
Lock the door?
No, no, no.
It's just, it's not--
It's not level.
What?
It wasn't level.
It's just, it gets stuck.
Honey.
What?
Dave.
What?
Dave.
What?
Why didn't you
wake me up?
You wanted to sleep more.
No. No, no,
I didn't.
I told you
to wake me up.
[SIGHS]
Oh, okay. What do you want me
to do now, wake you up?
It just bothers me, I mean,
you left me out there,
lying out there, I mean...
Well, you fell asleep.
Yeah, but that was--
That was our 20 minutes, Dave,
and you took it
for yourself, I mean--
Well, yeah, and--
And you slept through it.
[SIGHS]
Okay, well, you know what?
Then just take the lock off,
I mean, why do we even
have it, then, you know?
Well, because some crazy woman
with no kids told us to.
Kiss me.
[BOTH GRUNTING LIGHTLY]
[SIGHS]
Why is this so hard?
I don't know.
It never used to be.
No.
It wasn't.
[SIGHS]
Well, don't let me stop ya.
Shut up. Come here.
They're different.
Well, they're amazing.
No, they're different.
Oh.
Well, do you feel
the way you did before
when you were pregnant?
Yeah, I do.
[WHISPERS]
I really do.
Jesus.
[LAUGHS]
JOSH:
Give me that.
No more bologna.
What?
Why?
'Cause nitrates--
Stop it. Stop it. Sit down.
Nitrates. Hormones.
In bologna?
Yes, in your
favorite food.
Give 'em-- Give 'em turkey.
Here, hang on.
JOSH: I want bologna.
No.
I want bologna.
All right. Then you do it
'cause he's gonna...
Okay, fine.
I'll do it.
KATIE:
Josh, you're getting
turkey today.
But you know what? I'm also
gonna give you gold fish.
Sweetie, uh, watch your glass,
it's gonna fall over.
Dad, tell him to stop.
DAVID:
Josh, stop.
KATIE:
Stop what?
ISABELLA:
He's looking at me.
KATIE:
Isabella, he is not
looking at you.
Yes, he is. You're not
looking at him.
All right. Both of you,
stop looking. Just eat.
Are you eating that waffle?
Yes, I'm eating it,
what do you think?
Hey!
JOSH: You can't have it.
Hey! Hey! Both of you.
Come on. Back--
Oh, all right. That's it.
Five minutes in
your room right now.
ISABELLA:
...my waffle!
[SIGHS]
[DOOR SLAMS]
Thanks.
I'm tired.
You tired?
Uh...yeah. But, you know--
Well, you know,
really tired.
WOMAN:
Hi, just checking.
Nothing for you, right?
Uh, you know what?
I will have something.
What's this?
Pesto.
Turkey and provolone.
Very plain, very tasty.
Yeah, great.
Hey, you know what,
I'll have a potato salad too.
Great.
Yeah, I'm hungry.
I'm sorry I'm late,
my daughter was sick today.
She's 16 and when she's sick
she still needs her mom.
I'm pregnant.
You?
Yeah, me.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Being a mom is the best
thing in the world.
You're gonna love it.
[CHUCKLES]
[QUIETLY]
Yes.
[CHUCKLES]
You know what?
Have a cookie on the house.
Oh, y--
[CHUCKLES]
Thank you.
[CART ROLLS AWAY]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Hey.
Oh.
Hi.
[LAUGHS]
Oh.
Well, finally,
you move back home.
Mm-hm.
I've been waiting.
Funny, Mom.
Mm-hm.
So how's Carolyn?
She's good.
Where is she?
She's running errands
and usual.
Good. So we've got a little
bit of time together.
Now, I wanna show you
what I've done with your room.
Ahem, I've turned it
back into the garage.
Huh. Why?
Well, I'm getting ready
to sell it, darling.
The house?
Yeah.
I don't wanna
live here anymore.
Wow. When were
you gonna tell me.
Soon. I mean, I'm not
doing it tomorrow.
And I didn't really think
that you'd care very much.
I mean, you're not
here very much anymore.
Well, I don't care.
I'm just surprised.
Why wouldn't you tell me?
I could have helped.
This is kinda what I do, Mom.
Well, I know Caroline
doesn't like it
when you spend
much time with me.
Uh, that's not true, Mom.
And you are working
on her sister's house.
Mom...
Okay, it--
Did you tell Dad?
Why would I tell your father?
He built the house.
He might want it.
Well, then he should have
stayed in it.
[SIGHS]
He called me again.
Should I call him back,
or...?
Well, it's your life,
darling,
but he's never been
much of a father to you.
Except when it's been
convenient to him,
and he was certainly not
much of a husband to me.
You know, the first
time he called
and, uh, Carolyn
heard the message,
she thought it was me.
You're nothing
like your father.
Never will be.
I know.
I know.
Since I haven't seen him
in over three years.
Do you miss him?
No.
No.
That says a lot about
the kind of father he was.
Yeah, I guess it does.
But he did come to four
of my baseball games.
And, oh, yeah, he came
to that art class once.
Oh, did he?
Yeah.
Do we even want coffee?
[CHUCKLES]
Doesn't matter.
Whatever you want.
Nah.
Wow. You were
gonna get married.
You really were
gonna do it.
Yeah. No, we were
getting presents
and had all
the plans made.
Less than
three months away.
You seem to be doing okay.
Yeah, I'm not.
How long were you together?
A year.
What about you guys?
Eight months.
Hm.
Pick something.
That's a lot of pressure.
Ooh, why do you think
I gave it to you?
All right. Fine.
So, what happened
with you and Anya?
I don't know.
A-- Psht.
I don't know.
When we moved in together
we were happy and then...
[SIGHS]
Then we got
to know each other.
Hm.
Do you miss it?
Being with her?
If I let myself.
Well, that's honest.
It's a good one.
I should go. I have to get up
early in the morning.
Softball.
You play softball?
Yeah. Memorial Park
every Saturday.
About 10 a.m.
It depends on how wasted
the guys get the night before.
Ten a.m. Heck.
Yeah.
I used to play.
Really?
I was, like, a total jock
until high school.
And then what happened?
Mm, I don't know.
I started having sex.
I didn't know that
it was one or the other.
Yeah, it was for me.
Why?
I don't know.
Sex is a lot more
fun than sports.
Sometimes.
Give me that.
Give me that.
No. There's a song
I wanna hear.
All right.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Play it.
What?
Uh, you know what, I--
The song I was thinking about
isn't in this iPod.
Yeah. Sure.
Cool.
See you around.
[WHISPERS]
I wanna fuck.
Mm.
I don't have a condom.
I do.
Are you not into this?
[CHUCKLES]
That's all right.
[CHUCKLES]
It's okay.
[GRUNTS LIGHTLY]
[SIGHS]
Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, keep going!
[CHEERING, LAUGHING]
Only one out.
Good one.
Hey, Josh.
That's good. Yeah.
Way to send 'em in, huh?
Good job.
Good job. Good job,
buddy. Good job.
Uh, let's--
Let's, uh--
You know, the sugar,
caffeine...
Water? Do you have water?
DAVID:
Good job. Come on, Justin.
Okay, now, Bruce, you're up.
[METAL CLINKS]
KATIE:
Oh, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, Josh! Go, Josh!
Keep going, Justin.
Good job, buddy.
Good job, Bruce.
Oh, go!
KATIE:
Okay, guys. Way to go.
Nice.
Hey.
Got an extra glove?
Hey.
How do you come play ball
without a glove?
I figure you
had an extra one.
Do we have an extra
glove in there?
MAN:
Yeah. Check my bag.
[GROANS]
Dad would listen to you.
You guys have a different
kind of relationship.
Well, that's 'cause he's
not doing anything for me.
Well, I didn't
ask him to.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
He offered.
No, you let him.
That's the difference.
Why wouldn't I?
Well, 'cause that way you
don't owe him any-- Whatever.
Honey, can we go get
something to eat?
I'm starving.
I'm hungry,
like, every hour.
Okay. In a minute.
You okay?
Yep.
I'm tired.
And I feel a little off.
It's a terrible
installation.
It's fuckin' terrible.
Dude, that's why
you need to be here.
He loves you more.
That's why he hates you.
Babe, I'm not
calling him.
You call him.
Besides, you don't
just call Dad.
You have to, like,
weapon up and prepare
and be all, like, ready.
I'm not doing that.
You get him. That's why
you do better with him.
Palek, will you
tell her to call him?
No.
[BANGING]
[DIALING CELL PHONE]
Hey, it's Palek, listen...
I haven't returned
your calls for a reason.
I thought I made it clear
two years ago,
I really didn't
have any interest
in any kind of relationship.
Well, nothing's happened
to change that, so...
Next time you feel an urge
to talk to me, deal with it,
because I did.
[BEEPS]
I need a shower.
Yeah, me too.
Call you in an hour?
Oh, you're gonna go home?
Yeah. I'm starving.
Okay. Yeah.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
Hi.
Hey.
What are you doing?
What?
I mean, what's happening here?
I should ask you,
you're the one that showed up.
Well, I wanted to see you.
I felt bad.
It's not a big deal.
It's cool.
You weren't into it.
I was into it.
Let's hook up later.
Uh...no.
No, I don't think so.
Uh...
[SIGHS]
Fuck.
You know why?
You're not over your ex.
I don't think
I'm over mine either.
[PHONE BEEPS]
DAVID:
Good. Oh.
Okay, honey, I'm gonna
take this guy and go.
Like that?
Yeah. He looks fine.
You ready?
Mm.
Okay.
Let's go.
Hey.
Yeah?
Hurry back.
I will.
JOSH:
Piggy.
DAVID:
Piggy back outside.
JOSH:
Piggy back.
Do you wanna draw?
Yeah.
All right,
let's go draw.
Come on.
You have your pencils?
I'll get some.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Hey, could you go get me
some more tests?
More tests?
Yeah.
Honey...
Just-- Just go.
Hey.
Hi.
Cool.
[SIGHS]
I don't know this one.
[*]
"With new fury,
the battle continued
"as the dogs chased
the cats to the deck.
"'Leave us alone,
you shan't have one bone.'
"The dogs trapped
the cats in a net.
"'Bones,' screamed the cats,
'Are they golden?'
"'You cannot eat gold,'
the dog scoffed.
"The cats rolled their eyes.
'Dogs,' the cats sighed."
I should move him.
Never tried this one.
Let's go get the blood test.
I mean, maybe, uh,
it'll be more sensitive.
I mean, tell us something else.
No.
I'm done.
We're done.
I know I can't...
I can't
do it anymore.
[*]
Are you asleep?
Yeah.
Can you not be asleep?
Why?
'Cause I can't sleep.
Okay.
I don't know why,
but I really feel
like thanking you.
Oh, no, you don't
have to thank me.
I'm perfectly happy to
masturbate in a public place
surrounded by nurses, it's...
[LAUGHING]
It's totally my thing.
You know me.
Thank you. I mean it.
Maybe I should warm
these puppies up.
[LAUGHING]
We can't warm
the puppies up.
We can't?
No. That's the whole point.
We can't.
Okay.
No, seriously.
Okay.
No, we seriously can't.
Totally.
I know.
No, 'cause it'll
jeopardize everything,
so we just can't.
Totally. I know.
Babe, we can't. No.
Okay. Okay.
No. We have to stop.
Yeah. Right.
Okay, we do.
Seriously.
All right.
Okay.
You fuckin' woke me up.
I know. I know.
[SLAMS DRAWER]
[LAUGHING]
Did anybody see you?
I hate when that happens.
Oh, my God.
I don't know.
It was funny.
So last week?
Yeah.
I felt a little...
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
...um, l-lost.
Excuse me.
I'm very sorry.
No, no, no.
It's okay.
Hello.
DAVID:
Hi.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Hey.
Hey.
What is it? What's wrong?
Did something happen?
What happened?
Nothing. Nothing.
Everything's fine.
It's fine.
It's just I, uh...
I just decided
to come.
Why?
[STAMMERS]
[CHUCKLES]
You know, we've done everything
together and I just, um...
I didn't want her
to do this alone.
Come in.
[GIGGLES]
I was just telling her
I tripped coming in here today.
You okay?
Yeah, I just felt stupid.
[CHUCKLES]
[WHISPERING]
Try not to scream
at her this time.
I didn't scream
last time, did I?
Did I yell?
I'm glad
you came back.
Showing up,
for whatever reason,
is a very positive
and difficult thing to do.
[CLEARS THROAT]
So let's talk about what nobody
wants to talk about.
After all, this is therapy.
Let's do it.
I know you haven't been
sexual for a while,
and I know it's been
difficult for Katie.
Has it been
difficult for you?
Yeah.
For married couples, not having
sex is not a new subject
as you probably know.
In fact, it's reached
record numbers.
And certainly there are obvious
issues that we can discuss.
One of the many things
that couples cite
as an obstacle is time.
Or lack of time together.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I'd like to make
a suggestion.
Well, that's what we're
payin' you for, right?
[CHUCKLES]
Some practice
before the game.
Great, let's hear it.
Put a lock on
your bedroom door.
Or, if you already
have one, use it.
Say to yourselves that this
is a choice that you wanna make
for yourselves,
for your relationship.
Put the lock on the door
and spend a few minutes
every day
in the bedroom
alone together.
Look, no offense, but, uh,
you've known us what,
a couple hours, right?
And that just
isn't who we are.
What? Lock
the children out?
This has nothing to do
with your children.
This is a choice
that you're gonna make
for your relationship.
Look, you've devoted
11 years to your children,
Give each other
half an hour a day.
DOCTOR:
There's the follicle.
Looks great.
Beautiful size.
This next part is just
like a pap smear, okay?
You all right?
Yep.
[GROANS]
Okay.
I'm gonna put
the catheter in...
through
your cervix...
into your uterus.
You doin'
all right?
Fine.
[QUIETLY]
Okay.
This looks really good.
Very good.
Mm. Well. Well,
I've been told.
[LAUGHS]
Okay. Here we go.
Okay, it's goin' in.
This'll just take
a minute or so, okay?
Okay.
Doin' all right?
Great.
So out of all
these millions
and millions
and millions of sperm,
uh, at least one should score,
don't you think?
That's the idea, yeah.
Okay. That's it.
Great.
You did very well.
Like, uh, but how well?
What do you think
our chances are?
They're good.
CAROLYN:
Like, how good?
More than 50 percent?
Um, ahem, well,
that's hard to say.
But everything
looked really good.
I did notice that your
uterus was slightly tilted
but that doesn't mean anything,
that's just how you're built.
You may wanna get on all fours
for the next 10 minutes.
Most doctors say it doesn't
matter but it can't hurt.
Sure.
Yeah.
Like, just
like this?
Like, right here?
Honey,
could you help?
Yeah, um, sorry.
There we go.
Like this?
You got it.
Okay.
Good luck, you guys.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Did it feel weird?
Uh, yeah.
Yeah? Really, how?
I don't know, just,
like, demystified.
I'm glad we did it.
Me too.
I love you.
I love you too.
That's the dumbest thing
I've ever heard.
Yeah, it is.
But what do you think?
I don't know.
To me, it's a stretch.
Yeah, I know.
I gotta go, honey.
Okay.
NICK:
Do you have it or not?
WOMAN:
No. I told you I didn't.
Then where is it?
What do you think that I am?
Some kind of stalker?
I'm not gonna break in,
for fuck sake.
But why is it so important to
you to have your fucking key?
Because it's the key to my
apartment and I want it back.
This is such
bullshit.
I have to work,
okay?
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
[WHISPERING]
Whoa, look, a Lamborghini.
Cool.
What color is it?
KID: Yellow.
DAD:
Yellow.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
[KID CRYING]
Hold on.
DAD:
Quiet. Hold on.
KID:
Mommy.
Shoot. Hold on.
Hey, babe.
Hi. No, I--
I didn't pick it up.
You need it today?
Because--
I didn't pay.
Hold on, he's--
Do we have to
ride with your--?
Do we have to ride with
your sister and her kids?
Ho-- Hold on, he's--
I'll call you back.
Hold on, Garret.
Mommy's at home.
Mommy's at home.
Come on, let's go.
[KID CRYING]
KID:
Mommy.
Hey.
Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
It's okay.
I didn't wanna deal
with that place on Saturday.
Four hours to stand in line
and buy a can opener.
Here.
Okay.
Oh, you got it,
the lock.
Yeah. Yeah.
[SIGHS]
I don't have to put it on,
I can take it back.
You know, we'll keep it and...
Uh, I...
Great, I--
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm quitting sex.
Can I get an order
of French fries?
I'm quitting.
I'm serious.
I'm sober. Today is my first
official day of being sober.
Yuck. Why?
You love sex.
No, I don't.
See, I need it and it's
fucking ruining my life.
Well, I don't know
why you're blaming sex.
'Cause it ruins
everything.
Look, good sex
just hides everything
that's bad
about a relationship.
Well, then have bad sex.
Okay, have good sex.
Fuck I don't know.
Have you--? Have you
run this by your shrink?
She'd agree with me.
Fuck, maybe then
I should do it.
Like, have a cleanse.
Like, a sex cleanse.
What was she like?
Was she--? Was she firm?
Mm. Kinda. Little bit
intimidating, but nice.
Huh, I wanna
full description.
I just wanna imagine my sister
sitting there, just submissive.
How fucked up am I?
I think you should
go see her.
I'd like to but she
wouldn't have me.
I kinda like all these
old school sports guys,
you know that I mean?
The way they look
at sports, it's like--
Look at 'em,
it's a totally different way
than they look at us.
It's, like, a totally
different kind of love.
How we doin' over here?
Yeah.
They're lucky.
I don't know why you're so
intent on being a couple.
Like, what's so
great about it?
It's like all you care about
is being stuck
in some long-term thing.
I mean, why?
What do you mean, why?
Because I wanna
be with someone.
I wanna spend my life
with someone, all right.
That's what I want.
Okay.
You're as retro
as these guys.
Marry one of them.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, I'm gonna
have a shower.
[WHISPERS]
Okay.
[GROANS]
[WHISPERS]
Hey.
I love you.
I love you too.
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, she's not
in here.
I know.
That's why I am.
Came to get your key?
It's not about the key.
Yeah, I didn't
think so.
I'm just here getting
some stuff she left for me
Because if we see each other,
we're just gonna...fight.
Yeah. No, I know.
I just went
through that.
It's not fun, man.
No, it isn't.
Hey, you wanna
get a drink?
I thought you
were 'toxing.
I am. I was.
I don't think so.
I'm doin' you a favor.
[LAUGHS]
All right. All right.
Hey. Tonight?
Yeah.
Come on, I'm pulling
harder than you are.
Oh, yeah, well,
I'm just saving up
for when we move it
back in a minute.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
All right. The bed
stays right here.
There's no law that says
it has to be against the wall.
We can just pretend
we're on an island somewhere.
So how was lunch?
[SIGHS]
I cancelled.
Why?
Didn't wanna go.
Why not?
Why are you
pushing me to do this?
Because I want it to be over.
It is over.
You said that before.
And I meant it.
The first time,
when you came back
from being with him,
you told me it would never
happen again, but it did.
Once more.
It happened once more.
Arthur, I married you,
not him.
It'll never
happen again.
I've heard that before.
[SIGHS]
[MAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY
OVER TV]
Honey.
Honey.
Mm.
You fell asleep.
Just for a couple
more minutes.
[TV CLICKS OFF]
[GRUNTS]
[PANTING]
[GRUNTING]
You know, the owner of this
place died in his stool.
[CHUCKLES]
No. He didn't.
Yeah, he did.
Ask the bartender.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah, I think
I'll pass.
I'm gonna go put music
in the jukebox, all right?
It's about 10 songs
in front of us.
Are they good ones?
I don't know.
Well, what'd you pick?
If you stick around,
you'll find out.
All right.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[GIGGLES]
[SHAKING DOORKNOB]
[KNOCKS]
Dave.
Dave.
Yep.
What did you do?
Lock the door?
No, no, no.
It's just, it's not--
It's not level.
What?
It wasn't level.
It's just, it gets stuck.
Honey.
What?
Dave.
What?
Dave.
What?
Why didn't you
wake me up?
You wanted to sleep more.
No. No, no,
I didn't.
I told you
to wake me up.
[SIGHS]
Oh, okay. What do you want me
to do now, wake you up?
It just bothers me, I mean,
you left me out there,
lying out there, I mean...
Well, you fell asleep.
Yeah, but that was--
That was our 20 minutes, Dave,
and you took it
for yourself, I mean--
Well, yeah, and--
And you slept through it.
[SIGHS]
Okay, well, you know what?
Then just take the lock off,
I mean, why do we even
have it, then, you know?
Well, because some crazy woman
with no kids told us to.
Kiss me.
[BOTH GRUNTING LIGHTLY]
[SIGHS]
Why is this so hard?
I don't know.
It never used to be.
No.
It wasn't.
[SIGHS]
Well, don't let me stop ya.
Shut up. Come here.
They're different.
Well, they're amazing.
No, they're different.
Oh.
Well, do you feel
the way you did before
when you were pregnant?
Yeah, I do.
[WHISPERS]
I really do.
Jesus.
[LAUGHS]
JOSH:
Give me that.
No more bologna.
What?
Why?
'Cause nitrates--
Stop it. Stop it. Sit down.
Nitrates. Hormones.
In bologna?
Yes, in your
favorite food.
Give 'em-- Give 'em turkey.
Here, hang on.
JOSH: I want bologna.
No.
I want bologna.
All right. Then you do it
'cause he's gonna...
Okay, fine.
I'll do it.
KATIE:
Josh, you're getting
turkey today.
But you know what? I'm also
gonna give you gold fish.
Sweetie, uh, watch your glass,
it's gonna fall over.
Dad, tell him to stop.
DAVID:
Josh, stop.
KATIE:
Stop what?
ISABELLA:
He's looking at me.
KATIE:
Isabella, he is not
looking at you.
Yes, he is. You're not
looking at him.
All right. Both of you,
stop looking. Just eat.
Are you eating that waffle?
Yes, I'm eating it,
what do you think?
Hey!
JOSH: You can't have it.
Hey! Hey! Both of you.
Come on. Back--
Oh, all right. That's it.
Five minutes in
your room right now.
ISABELLA:
...my waffle!
[SIGHS]
[DOOR SLAMS]
Thanks.
I'm tired.
You tired?
Uh...yeah. But, you know--
Well, you know,
really tired.
WOMAN:
Hi, just checking.
Nothing for you, right?
Uh, you know what?
I will have something.
What's this?
Pesto.
Turkey and provolone.
Very plain, very tasty.
Yeah, great.
Hey, you know what,
I'll have a potato salad too.
Great.
Yeah, I'm hungry.
I'm sorry I'm late,
my daughter was sick today.
She's 16 and when she's sick
she still needs her mom.
I'm pregnant.
You?
Yeah, me.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Being a mom is the best
thing in the world.
You're gonna love it.
[CHUCKLES]
[QUIETLY]
Yes.
[CHUCKLES]
You know what?
Have a cookie on the house.
Oh, y--
[CHUCKLES]
Thank you.
[CART ROLLS AWAY]
[DOOR CLOSES]
Hey.
Oh.
Hi.
[LAUGHS]
Oh.
Well, finally,
you move back home.
Mm-hm.
I've been waiting.
Funny, Mom.
Mm-hm.
So how's Carolyn?
She's good.
Where is she?
She's running errands
and usual.
Good. So we've got a little
bit of time together.
Now, I wanna show you
what I've done with your room.
Ahem, I've turned it
back into the garage.
Huh. Why?
Well, I'm getting ready
to sell it, darling.
The house?
Yeah.
I don't wanna
live here anymore.
Wow. When were
you gonna tell me.
Soon. I mean, I'm not
doing it tomorrow.
And I didn't really think
that you'd care very much.
I mean, you're not
here very much anymore.
Well, I don't care.
I'm just surprised.
Why wouldn't you tell me?
I could have helped.
This is kinda what I do, Mom.
Well, I know Caroline
doesn't like it
when you spend
much time with me.
Uh, that's not true, Mom.
And you are working
on her sister's house.
Mom...
Okay, it--
Did you tell Dad?
Why would I tell your father?
He built the house.
He might want it.
Well, then he should have
stayed in it.
[SIGHS]
He called me again.
Should I call him back,
or...?
Well, it's your life,
darling,
but he's never been
much of a father to you.
Except when it's been
convenient to him,
and he was certainly not
much of a husband to me.
You know, the first
time he called
and, uh, Carolyn
heard the message,
she thought it was me.
You're nothing
like your father.
Never will be.
I know.
I know.
Since I haven't seen him
in over three years.
Do you miss him?
No.
No.
That says a lot about
the kind of father he was.
Yeah, I guess it does.
But he did come to four
of my baseball games.
And, oh, yeah, he came
to that art class once.
Oh, did he?
Yeah.
Do we even want coffee?
[CHUCKLES]
Doesn't matter.
Whatever you want.
Nah.
Wow. You were
gonna get married.
You really were
gonna do it.
Yeah. No, we were
getting presents
and had all
the plans made.
Less than
three months away.
You seem to be doing okay.
Yeah, I'm not.
How long were you together?
A year.
What about you guys?
Eight months.
Hm.
Pick something.
That's a lot of pressure.
Ooh, why do you think
I gave it to you?
All right. Fine.
So, what happened
with you and Anya?
I don't know.
A-- Psht.
I don't know.
When we moved in together
we were happy and then...
[SIGHS]
Then we got
to know each other.
Hm.
Do you miss it?
Being with her?
If I let myself.
Well, that's honest.
It's a good one.
I should go. I have to get up
early in the morning.
Softball.
You play softball?
Yeah. Memorial Park
every Saturday.
About 10 a.m.
It depends on how wasted
the guys get the night before.
Ten a.m. Heck.
Yeah.
I used to play.
Really?
I was, like, a total jock
until high school.
And then what happened?
Mm, I don't know.
I started having sex.
I didn't know that
it was one or the other.
Yeah, it was for me.
Why?
I don't know.
Sex is a lot more
fun than sports.
Sometimes.
Give me that.
Give me that.
No. There's a song
I wanna hear.
All right.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Play it.
What?
Uh, you know what, I--
The song I was thinking about
isn't in this iPod.
Yeah. Sure.
Cool.
See you around.
[WHISPERS]
I wanna fuck.
Mm.
I don't have a condom.
I do.
Are you not into this?
[CHUCKLES]
That's all right.
[CHUCKLES]
It's okay.
[GRUNTS LIGHTLY]
[SIGHS]
Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, keep going!
[CHEERING, LAUGHING]
Only one out.
Good one.
Hey, Josh.
That's good. Yeah.
Way to send 'em in, huh?
Good job.
Good job. Good job,
buddy. Good job.
Uh, let's--
Let's, uh--
You know, the sugar,
caffeine...
Water? Do you have water?
DAVID:
Good job. Come on, Justin.
Okay, now, Bruce, you're up.
[METAL CLINKS]
KATIE:
Oh, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, Josh! Go, Josh!
Keep going, Justin.
Good job, buddy.
Good job, Bruce.
Oh, go!
KATIE:
Okay, guys. Way to go.
Nice.
Hey.
Got an extra glove?
Hey.
How do you come play ball
without a glove?
I figure you
had an extra one.
Do we have an extra
glove in there?
MAN:
Yeah. Check my bag.
[GROANS]
Dad would listen to you.
You guys have a different
kind of relationship.
Well, that's 'cause he's
not doing anything for me.
Well, I didn't
ask him to.
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
He offered.
No, you let him.
That's the difference.
Why wouldn't I?
Well, 'cause that way you
don't owe him any-- Whatever.
Honey, can we go get
something to eat?
I'm starving.
I'm hungry,
like, every hour.
Okay. In a minute.
You okay?
Yep.
I'm tired.
And I feel a little off.
It's a terrible
installation.
It's fuckin' terrible.
Dude, that's why
you need to be here.
He loves you more.
That's why he hates you.
Babe, I'm not
calling him.
You call him.
Besides, you don't
just call Dad.
You have to, like,
weapon up and prepare
and be all, like, ready.
I'm not doing that.
You get him. That's why
you do better with him.
Palek, will you
tell her to call him?
No.
[BANGING]
[DIALING CELL PHONE]
Hey, it's Palek, listen...
I haven't returned
your calls for a reason.
I thought I made it clear
two years ago,
I really didn't
have any interest
in any kind of relationship.
Well, nothing's happened
to change that, so...
Next time you feel an urge
to talk to me, deal with it,
because I did.
[BEEPS]
I need a shower.
Yeah, me too.
Call you in an hour?
Oh, you're gonna go home?
Yeah. I'm starving.
Okay. Yeah.
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello.
Hi.
Hey.
What are you doing?
What?
I mean, what's happening here?
I should ask you,
you're the one that showed up.
Well, I wanted to see you.
I felt bad.
It's not a big deal.
It's cool.
You weren't into it.
I was into it.
Let's hook up later.
Uh...no.
No, I don't think so.
Uh...
[SIGHS]
Fuck.
You know why?
You're not over your ex.
I don't think
I'm over mine either.
[PHONE BEEPS]
DAVID:
Good. Oh.
Okay, honey, I'm gonna
take this guy and go.
Like that?
Yeah. He looks fine.
You ready?
Mm.
Okay.
Let's go.
Hey.
Yeah?
Hurry back.
I will.
JOSH:
Piggy.
DAVID:
Piggy back outside.
JOSH:
Piggy back.
Do you wanna draw?
Yeah.
All right,
let's go draw.
Come on.
You have your pencils?
I'll get some.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Hey, could you go get me
some more tests?
More tests?
Yeah.
Honey...
Just-- Just go.
Hey.
Hi.
Cool.
[SIGHS]
I don't know this one.
[*]
"With new fury,
the battle continued
"as the dogs chased
the cats to the deck.
"'Leave us alone,
you shan't have one bone.'
"The dogs trapped
the cats in a net.
"'Bones,' screamed the cats,
'Are they golden?'
"'You cannot eat gold,'
the dog scoffed.
"The cats rolled their eyes.
'Dogs,' the cats sighed."
I should move him.
Never tried this one.
Let's go get the blood test.
I mean, maybe, uh,
it'll be more sensitive.
I mean, tell us something else.
No.
I'm done.
We're done.
I know I can't...
I can't
do it anymore.
[*]