Teen Titans Go! (2013–…): Season 7, Episode 22 - Fat Cats - full transcript

[bird crowing]

[cat meowing, mouse squeaking]

[elephant trumpeting,
lion roaring]

♪ Go!

Opening theme playing...

♪ T-E-E-N

♪ T-I-T-A-N-S

♪ Teen Titans, let's go

♪ Teen Titans, go

*TEEN TITANS GO!* Season 07 Episode 22
Episode Title: "Fat Cats"

- [typing]
- [Robin grunting]


[Robin grunting]

[slaps] Man, give me that.

You'll never open it
with them tiny baby hands.

I can open it.

I was just
trying to be careful.

This could be a very
valuable bag of chips.

But they're just chips, yo.

How can they be valuable?

Because of the sweepstakes.

Inside every bag,
is a chance to win,

a kajillion dollars.

[all whooping]

- [electricity crackling]
- The suspense is overloading my circuits.


Open the bag! Open the bag!

- [grunting]
- [bag pops open]



Did we win?

Hold on.

I think I see
something at the bottom.

[Robin screaming]

- [Robin and Beast Boy screaming]
- [Cyborg screaming]

[Robin continues screaming]

Oh, my goodness!
We won!

[excitedly] We are rich!

We're not just rich.

We're filthy, stinking rich!

Yeah, like them
corporate Fat Cats.


Yes. We shall live
like the cats who are the fat.

And no one shall ever,
ever the stop us!

[doorbell rings]

Who is that?


[suspenseful music playing]

- It's the IRS.
- The I-R-what now?

The IRS. As in
the Internal Revenue Service?

It's the government agency

responsible for collecting taxes.

And the taxes are...

I'm so glad you've asked,

Money we pay to the government
to fund vital services

like road maintenance,
the fire department,

health inspectors, sanitation
and much, much more.

But I don't want no government
agents taking my money.

Yeah, it was hard
opening up that bag of chips

and eating our way
to the bottom.


The IRS isn't going to
take all of our money.

They're only
going to take half.

[all screaming in fear]

- What...
- the heck, Robin?

How greedy can these
government agents get?

Look, even after
we pay our taxes,

the amount of money
we get to keep

is still obscene.

Forget it! I don't want to
pay no taxes.

These IRS agents
are straight up evil, dude.

I say we get the rid of them.

Great idea, Star.
Azarath Metrion Zinthos.

[apprehensively] What did
you do, Raven?

I created a world
where the IRS doesn't exist.

But without the IRS,
no one will pay their taxes.

And all of the government
services will disappear.

[people screaming]

Fine by me.

We do not
need the services, Robin.

Yeah, we's gonna
spend our money

way smarter than them,
dumb governmentalists would.

Now who's up
for a shopping spree?

[all cheering]


[upbeat music playing]

Yo, check this one out.

Ooh, it's got solid gold rims.

[narrator reading] Elegance!

The jet engine!

[narrator reading] Horsepower!

It's even got
a hot tub.

[trembling] So relaxing.

[Narrator reading] Water!

But buying a sports car
is a huge waste of money.

It's going to lose
a third of its value

the minute
we drive it off the lot.

Who cares?

We've got suitcases
full of money.

Yeah. And living that Fat Cat
lifestyle, baby.

Now let us enjoy
our new purchase

by making it go the...
[imitates engine revving]


- [all cheering]
- [crashing]

Oh, yeah,
this is gonna be sick.

[upbeat music playing]

- [wheels screeching]
- [all cheering]

[all grunting in pain]

[car thudding]

[all exclaiming]

[all screaming]

Oh, man, not our beautiful car!

[all screaming]

Ugh. I think it's totaled, yo.

Who put the cavities
in the middle of the road?

Those aren't cavities.
There are potholes.

Well, why isn't anyone
fixing them?

Because no one is paying
their taxes anymore.

No taxes equals no money
for road maintenance.

[loud explosion]

[all screaming]

Quick, Titans, we have to
put this fire out immediately!

Relax, dude. All we gotta do
is call the fire department.

[dead tone]

[automated voice] We're sorry. The
number you have reached is not in service.

Huh. Considering
it's funded by tax dollars,

the fire department
no longer exists.

[loud explosion]

[people clamoring]

That's okay.

I'm sure the blaze will
eventually burn itself out.

[stomach rumbling]

Ooh. All of this excitement

has worked up
quite the appetites.

I know a great
burger place nearby.

- That sounds good.
- Indeed.

Then let's buy a helicopter
and fly there, y'all.

[all cheering]

[amusing music playing]

[Raven] Wow. What a
great use of our money.

We'll take four hamburgers...

And one veggie burger, please.

How much of the cash money
do we owe you?

[cash register beeps and dings]

[all gasp]

How can they charge us so much
for the meat patties?

Because there's
no tax funded government

to stop them
from price gouging.

Okay, I'll pay it.

But this better be
one tasty burger.

[rock music playing]

- [munching]
- Hey!

This is pretty good.


But why does mine
taste so crunchy?

[exclaims in disgust]


[all exclaiming and retching]

Why are there
so many bugs in our foods?

Because no taxes means

the city can't pay
for a health inspector.

Ugh. I need to
rinse my mouth out.

Here you go, mama.


[spits] Ew! What's
wrong with the water?

The city's pipes are aging
and fixing them requires...

[all] Tax dollars.

I'm beginning to see
how the lack of the taxes

can deteriorate
our quality of the living.

So you're willing to start
paying your taxes now?

- No, man, are you crazy?
- [Starfire scoffs]

We do not have to worry
about a crumbling society

as long as we have the money.

Speaking of money,

we're down
to our last suitcase.

So we need to make
sure we don't lose it.

Don't worry, mama.

Ain'ts nothing gonna
separate me from this money.

[ominous music playing]



[starts engine]


Our monies.

What's with all these
wild animals running around?

Without budget-saving
tax dollars,

the zoo must have been
forced to release them.

Quick! Someone call
animal control.

There is no animal control.

Oh, man.
So now we're broke?

I'm afraid so.

[groans] Living in
a tax free world is horrible.

Unless you have tons of money
to fix all of your problems.

Then we need to fix this world
by bringing back the IRS.

But I can't bring them back.

They no longer exist.

Then, perhaps,
we should become the IRS

and collect
the tax money ourselves.

Great idea, Star.

Then it's settled.

Teen Tax-Mans, go, collect!

Give us half
of your pay check!


- [bone cracking]
- [Kid Flash screams in pain]


Teen Tax-Mans,

convert tax dollars
into public services!

[grunting loudly]



Good work, Team Tax-mans.

We've made a lot of progress.

But we still need
more tax dollars

to fix the rest of the city.

[sirens wailing]

But where are we
supposed to get that money?

We've collected taxes
from everyone.

Not everyone.

Oh, no. There's one group
that is yet to pay their taxes.

The corporate Fat Cats.

How do we find them, yo?

Well, Fat Cats
love staying on top.

So all we have
to do is look up.

[jazz music playing]


Whoa. Those are
some big Fat Cats.

Now let's go get 'em.

[upbeat rock music playing]

[sweetly] Mr. Fat Cats...

- [shouts] ...pay your taxes!
- [cat yowls]

[cat snarling]

These Fat Cats are really good
at evading taxes.

[straining] We got a big one.

[straining] But he's so heavy.

We can't shakes
the monies out.

[Beast Boy groans]

- Argh!
- [cat snarling]

These Cats have learned
to become tax exempt.


[all screaming]

Oh, mans. We never
gonna get that money.

If only there was a way
we could outsmart them.

Hmm. I've got it!

We'll use the one thing
no Fat Cat can resist.

A loophole.

[bell tingles]

[all meowing]

[grunts in effort]

[all meowing]

[cat farts]

Quick! Close the loopholes!

Whoo-hoo! We did it!

[all cheering]

Ooh, yeah!

[Robin] With all
the taxes collected,

we were able to
restore Jump City,

to its former
publicly-funded glory.

I think we all learned
a valuable lesson today

about the importance
of paying our taxes.

[doubtfully] Oh.

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

Oh, the yes.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.


You guys didn't learn anything,
did you?

Uh, nope.