Teen Titans Go! (2013–…): Season 3, Episode 48 - Oregon Trail - full transcript

The Titans get into the "Pioneer Spirit" as they head west on the Oregon Trail.

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"Oregon Trail"

Someone turn up the AC
or I'll sweat on you.

I will. I'll sweat on you.

Walking all the way over there
is going to take forever, yo.

Do we not have the
remote controller?

The thing's manual. Got
to use your manuals.

I ain't using my
manuals for nothing.

Then are we to be forever
trapped in this suffering?

No, no, I can't take it.
Someone help.

Oh, my goodness gracious. Someone please!
Just help!

A cry for help.
Where's the danger?

- All around us, bro.
- And it is the sticky.

Are you talking about the heat?
Just turn on the AC.

Surmountable distance from here.

Is this what modern
life has done to you?

Made you soft?

Not long ago, we didn't have
all these modern conveniences.

Every day was a hardship,

but it made people
strong and self-reliant.

In fact, I think a
road trip is in order.

A road trip? That sounds fun.

Well, it's not. This road
trip will be educational!

In order to teach you
self-reliance in an environment

without modern conveniences,

I brought you to the very
same trail old timey pioneers

once braved to make a new
life for themselves.

- Welcome to the Oregon Trail!
- So, we're in Oregon?

Not yet. It's only
2,000 miles that way.

Are you crazy? That's
going to take us days.

Meet you guys there.

- It won't take a couple of days.
- Phew.

It'll take several
months as the rugged

pioneers didn't have
cars or magic portals.

- Is to fritter away, Robin!
- I love the enthusiasm, Titans!

This is the trading post where our
educational adventure begins.

Would you like the look around?
Y or N?

Robin, what is this Y or N?

Y or N! Y means yes, N means no.

- Then why not just say yes or no?
- Because it's faster this way.

Yes and no are like the
shortest words already.

And now they're even shorter.

Look around, Y or N?


So you don't want to look around
this historic trading post?

The place where a
carpenter from Ohio,

or a farmer from Illinois
might start their journey?


Fine. Just get in the wagon.

Oh, adorable!

I will name you Hug-head,

and you will sleep in the
room of the bed with me.

Don't get attached.

We will probably eat Hug-head
when the going gets tough.

- Oh, I see.
- Now, let's hit the road.

- I'm not riding in that.
- Yes, you are.

- I call shot gun!
- Good idea, Beast Boy.

We don't know what dangers
the trail will hold.


So far, so good, Titans.

The weather is warm,
our pace is steady,

and we are in good health.

Uh, mostly good.

I thought that this was
supposed to be educational.

So far our trip has been the
boring, the monotonous,

and repetitive.

You've perfectly summed
up the Oregon Trail!

- Looks like someone has been learning.
- I'm done learning.

Let's go home and play
some fun video games, yo.

Beast Boy!

Beast Boy fell under the wagon
and has broken his leg.

Would you like to, one,
continue on the trail?

Why would we want to
continue on the trail?

- We got to fix Beast Boy's...
- Let me finish!

Two, check supplies?

Three, look at a map?

- My leg!
- He needs the medical assistance.

Four, change pace?
Five, change rations?

We don't need any of
these numbered options.

- We need an ambulance!
- The pioneers had no ambulances.

All they had were seven
numbered options!

So deal with it!
Now, where was I?

Right. Six, stop to rest?

- Seven...
- Six, let's just do six!

You have chosen to stop and rest.
Y or N?


You will feel the slighest
of the pressures.

- All the betters.
- Thank you, Star.

History is really coming
to life for Beast Boy.

Would you like to share
what you've learned so far?

I want to go home.

Wonderful. Well, we've
lost enough time.

Let's, one, continue
on the trail.

Dude, I need to rest.

- I'm sorry. Excuse me?
- Rest.

That's not what a
pioneer would call it.

Oh, I want to six.

Can I six please?

Sorry, I have already oned.
And, if we get caught

in the snows of winter, we
may not make it at all.

Weather is cold. Health?

Is fair. Pace?

Is steady.

This is the worst
experience of my life.

That's great to hear, Cyborg.
Sounds like you

really put yourself in the
shoes of the pioneers.

Oh, by the way. A thief
has stolen your shoe.

- Oh, man. I'm going to get blisters.
- We're hungry, Robin.

Yes. Hug-head is beginning
to look the delicious.

Let's four, check supplies.

Hmm, we are out of rations.

Then let us eat the
delicious Hug-head!

Not yet. We need him
to pull the cart.

Very well. You are the
safe for now, Hug-head.


Titans, when you run out of
food, there is only one option.

Order pizza.

No pizza!

We are going hunting.

Here, shoot one
of those buffalo.

No way, bro. I ain't going
to hurt no buffaloes.

- I'm a vegetarian, dude.
- This is the Oregon Trail.

You either eat meat or die.

If everybody just eats
their greens, my buffalo

- buddies don't need to get hurt.
- Give me that!

Shoot, shoot,
shoot, ha-ha-ha-ha.

I see you hiding behind
that rock, buffalo!

Come on, get some.

Squirrel, where you
going to go, huh?

Deer! Say hello to my
little friend, huh?

Rabbits, ah, shake a tail!

Whoo! Shake a tail. Squirrel.
That bush won't save you.

That is enough food for the
remainder of the trip.

Too bad we can only carry 100
pounds back to the cart.

- Then why did you shoot so many?
- Because it's the only

fun part of this incredibly
boring but educational journey.

- Mmm, mmm.
- Delicious.

I'm loving this buffalo flavor.

Titans, I have some bad
news and some bad news.

First, the bad news.

Beast Boy was bitten
by a rattle snake.

I was?

I can't feel my hand.
It's swelling so bad.

Now for the bad news.
Beast Boy has dysentery.

- What's that?
- That's where you poop till you croak.

Uh-oh. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

While Beast Boy is
pooping himself,

would anyone like to look around?
Y, N?

Should we not help him?

Oh, sorry, that's not an
option on the numbered list.

Beast Boy has died.

You did not say
people would die.

Well, that's what happens
on the Oregon Trail.

It's super boring,
you hunt a little,

and then everybody in your
party dies a horrible death.

- What about learning?
- Oh, you learn you're going to die.

Oh, I can't believe my boy,
Beastie just passed on!

That's right, I did!

- You're a ghost.
- Oh, are you, um, okay?

Dude, I feel great.

Check it. Ooh, ah, ah, ooh.

Ah, man. I wish I was a ghost.

Just get yourself
some dysentery, girl!

My homies are not happy
with you, by the way.

It is winter. Our pace is slow.
Health is...

- Poor.
- It can't get any worse, right?

Starfire has died.

Not Starfire!

- Lucky.
- Ignore the ghosts.

Just think of all your
learning about the hardships

- of the pioneers.
- Yo. When you'se a ghost,

you don't need to learn
nothing no more!

♪ Well, Raven got the
measles, and up and died ♪

♪ And Cyborg boy He
cried and cried ♪

♪ Till he caught a cold ♪

♪ And he was dead ♪

♪ With no food around,
I ate Hug-head ♪

♪ For three long weeks
He kept me fed ♪

♪ Boy, life ain't easy
on the Oregon Trail ♪

♪ I'll tell you ♪

♪ Life ain't easy on
the Oregon Trail ♪

I'm learning so much.

I made it to the Dalles river.

Would I like to look around?
Y or N?

You bet, Y!

Ah, majestic. It
was all worth it.

How's looking around going, bro?


Now all I have to do is float
this cart across the river,

and I'll be in Oregon!
Besides hunting,

this is the only fun part
of the Oregon Trail.

More fun than our ghost yacht?

Whoo, look at all
these ghost babes!

Just give it up, dude.
This yachts booming.

Come on board!

Never! I will ride this
trail to the very end.

And there's nothing you
can do to stop me.

Phew, looks like it's all
smooth sailing from here.

Congratulations. I've made it...
to Oregon.

Good job, bro.

Can you tell us what you learned
from your boring journey?

That Robin has dysentery.