Teen Titans Go! (2013–…): Season 3, Episode 37 - History Lesson - full transcript

Robin tries to teach the Titans valuable history lessons, but the others co-opt his stories and spin them into their own twisted yarns.

"History Lesson"

Oh, dang.

Bonjour mes amis. Ha-ha-ha.

My name is Napoleon Bonaparte.

- What did he say?
- Those aren't even real words!

They are real to French people.

What's going on with
the hand there?

You got an upset tum tum?


Don't you know
anything about me?

This is how Napoleon stands.

That is why I'm here. To teach
you the importance of istoree.

Man, we don't wanna learn
about no "istoree".

Knowing istoree helps us with
the issues we face today.

Now, let us begin.

Napoleon was a leader who
stood above the rest.


Who grows tall over challenges

and reached heights only
dreamed of by others.

Wait a second. Are
you doing this whole

Napoleon thing 'cause
we called you short?

Or is it because we said
you got baby hands?

I'm doing this because
history is important!

Also, I am not short and I
do not have baby hands.

And neither did Napoleon!

Come on, everyone knows
Napoleon was short. Like you.

Actually, Napoleon was the
average height for his time.

Some might even say he was...



Yo, yo, yo, yo, Napoleon.

We're starving mon frere, dude.

We cannot reach the baguette.

So the cheese is upon
the high shelves.

Ah, fear not my countrymen
for I am not short.


Regarde, look upon the
length of his reach.

He does not even need to
go up on his tippy toe.

Also, he was some
kind of war general

or maybe an emperor.
Well, whatever.

The main thing is Napoleon
was five-foot six

and that wasn't
short for his time.

Yeah, but it's short for nowadays.

History says I'm not short!

Now, as punishment
for your ignorance

we are going to spend
the rest of the day

learning about history
and me not being short.

What's there to learn?
We already know it all.

If you knew it all you wouldn't
think Napoleon had baby hands.

Oh, he's got some baby hands.

Obviously, you don't know
anything about history.

Prepare for me to take you on...

a trip through time,
time, time, time...


Travel with me back in time
where the ancient Egyptians

- were beginning construction...
- Oh, you're talking about the Pyramids.

I know all about those.

It all started with a Pharaoh
who had a crazy idea.

Look, four sides like a
square but pointy on top.

I'm telling you Pharaoh
Mama we can't build these.

But they're so cool. Look!
A pointy top.

I know, I love those pointy tops.
But this is ancient times.

We don't have trucks or cranes.
Just those guys.

So hot.

There has to be a way.

What is that?

Hello wonderful friends.
I am the alien.

Your flying thingy
is super neat.

Ooh, thank you. Your
hat is also the neat.

I'll let you wear it if you can
help us build this pyramid.



Whoa. Whoa.

Okay. Aliens did not
build the Pyramids.

Not by themselves.

Thank you alien lady, Bigfoot
and Loch Ness monster.

This is a dream come true.


And that's pretty much everything you
need to know about the Pyramids.

- Bigfoot is the man!
- Wow!

That is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.

The history is often ridiculous.

History is the runner that steers
mankind to a better future!

Forget Egypt. Let's move
on to American history

- and its 16th President.
- Ooh-ooh-ooh.

The Abraham and turkey
sandwich Lincoln.

He was tall, and with a beard,

and very much enjoyed
the theater.

Oh, I have the happiness inside.

I love being the President

Abraham and turkey
sandwich Lincoln

and my beard is so fluffy,
like the kitten on my face.

Pet, pet, pet, pet, pet.

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

I have the stove pipe hat
for cooking the dinners

and my face is on the penny.

Now I will eat of the popcorn
whilst I enjoy this theater play.

Munch, munch, munch.

Munch, munch, munch.

That's not at all, how
that night went down.

President Abraham Lincoln, did not
just watch a play and eat popcorn.

- Something terrible happened that night.
- Indeed it did.

You see from behind

the President Abraham and
turkey sandwich Lincoln,

crept a dark figure.

Oh. Hello, friend. Would you
care for some of the popcorn?

No! I am John Milks Booth.

And I'm here to ask you
to take off your hat.

I can't see the play.

Oh, so thoughtless of me.

Apologies to you
John Milks Booth.

Please sit next to me and we
will have the meal of dinner.

Do you like the rabbits?

- I do, but where...
- Tada!


President Abraham and
turkey sandwich Lincoln,

cooked a meal of yumminess
on his stove pipe hat,

and did more of the
tricks of magic.

The President Abraham and
turkey sandwich Lincoln,

became the best friends
with the John Milks Booth.

And they purchased a small
cabin of the logs together,

and there they live to this day.

Such an inspiring story.

Nows I know, why they put
his face on the moneys.

None of what you're
saying is right.

You might as well be telling
me that the sun is the moon.

We knows the difference between
the sun and the moon, fool.

And we know more
things about the Moon.

Like how those dudes landed
on it, that one time.

Please don't recite
your twisted version...

So, there were these space dudes

and they were all up in the
Apollo Creed space ship.

- It was the Apollo 11...
- Stop interrupting, Robin.

- History is important.
- Likes I was saying,

the Apollo Creed
landed on the Moon.

That's one small step for mans

and one giant leap
for man's kind, yo!

Phew. Dude. I'm so hot
from kicking out the jams.

- I gotta get this helmet off.
- Wait! There is no air up here.

That's crazy. There's
air everywhere.

It's air.

Mmm... smell that
good moon breeze.

Oh fresh!

I'm smelling something.
What is it?


You seriously think the
Moon is made out of cheese?

Of course not, dude. The
Moon's not made of cheese.

It's got cheese oceans.

I gots to get my eat on!

Ugh. So much cheese.

I don't feel so good.

Oh, bro, me neither.


Our toots are too strong for
the Moon's low gravity.

If we don't stop, we'll
shoot into space!

I can't stop. I ate
too much cheese.

The flageranity!

- Who's that?
- It's the man on the Moon.


Sticky Joe!

If it wasn't for everyone's
favorite Bohemian, Sticky Joe,

those brave space dudes would
have been lost forever.

- Wow! I never knew that.
- Such information.

That the Sticky Joe, is
the man in the Moon.

That's really amazing.

You don't know anything
about history.

This was a waste of time.
Just give me my hat back.

Here you go.

I thinks, you need
both hands, bro.