Teen Titans Go! (2013–…): Season 2, Episode 38 - Oil Drums - full transcript

Cyborg wants to have an '80s TV show marathon, but the remote is missing.

2x38 - "Oil Drums"

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I got three letters for you tonight!





No, no, no and no!

They are "V" "H" and "S."

That's right.
I got VHSes for days!

- For days!
- Can we watch The Golden Girls?

- I love those sassy, old broads!
- And I would like to watch

The Crosby Pudding
Half Hour Show of Sweaters.

Theo, get your glorp-nops
off the kitchen table.


Let's watch Alf again.
I love Alf.

Yes, eat that cat, Alf, eat him.

He's hiding in the kitchen drawer, Alf.

But be patient.
Savor the hunt, you beast!

I want to watch me some Manimal.

A guy that can turn into animals,

that's so cheeseball.

Those are all great shows.

But tonight we are watching
The A-Team!

"A" is the highest of letters,
it must be the best.

It's about four cool dudes who
ride around in a van with a stripe!

- I love stripes! Was it red?
- You know it was red!

And they would protect
the innocent from bad guys.

Oh. Kind of like us.

Except they weren't lame!
They made cool weapons out

of junk, like oil drums and
pieces of discarded metal

- and oil drums!
- That sounds so awesome!

It was!

Now, let's get this party started!
Where's the remote?

I have not seen the remote controller.

- I don't know.
- Beats me.

- Psh, I don't know.
- It's probably just in the couch cushion.


Have you seen the remote, Sticky Joe?

- Howdy!
- Then you're useless to us!

Beat it, Sticky Joe.
Beat it!

It's not here. The remote.
It's not here!

Hey, it's okay, Cyborg. We can
just use the buttons on the TV.

The buttons?
The buttons! You're right!

The TV's got all sorts
of buttons for things.


Would you relax?
The remote will turn up eventually.

We'll watch
The A-Team some other time.

This is not about The A-Team.

Or Charles in Charge, or Webster,
or Small Wonder,

or Silver Spoons, or Out of
This World, or Magnum, P.I.,

or MacGyver, or Perfect
Strangers, or Facts of Life,

or Happy Days, or Who's the Boss?
or Head of the Class,

or Too Close for Comfort,
or Knight Rider,

or Dukes of Hazzard,
or Greatest American Hero.

Cyborg, gimme a break.

Without TV I don't know
what to do with myself.

It's just TV, Cyborg.

"Just TV"?
The best moments of my life

have been sitting in front of that guy.

He teaches me life
lessons, made me laugh,

and filled lots of empty time.

Wow. You...

You sound like a crazy person.

I think we should use this
opportunity to take a break from TV.

Why would we want to do that?!

Because concerned parents
have theorized for decades

- that TV rots the brain!
- Well, that's obviously ridiculous.

TV keeps your brain active,
healthy and strong.

I don't know, dude. If a parent
said it, it has to be true.

Then, instead of watching TV we're gonna

spend our time hanging
out with each other!

- Yes!
- Yes!

Without TV you really notice
how long every second is.

Are you serious?

How many more of those are
there before we go to sleep?

Approximately 32,000.

Oh, I am not doing
this 32,000 more times!

All right, we need an
activity to occupy our time.

Let's engage in some
meaningful conversation.

How do you meaningfully
conversate, bro?

We just express our thoughts
and feelings with words.

- Oh.
- Thoughts...

- Yeah.
- Hmm.

- All right.
- Great. Uh, I'll start.


Good afternoon. These are
a nice day... for things.

Hi, I'm a person.

I know when I do things.

- One time... I saw.
- Uh...

You guys, uh, remember...

- So fun when we... Right?
- Yeah.

We have to find the
remote and watch TV. Now!

Don't panic, Titans.

We just have to do whatever
people did for fun before TV.

- Like a parade?
- Oh, I've heard of those.

- This is a parade?
- It's just people walking!

And why are the automobiles
traveling so slowly?

Is it deliberate?
To make it the boring?

Don't tell me that's
another marching band!

It's just marching band,
after marching band,

- after marching band!
- Whoa! Look at him spin that baton!

Okay, I'm over it.

I can't, I can't.

I can't take anymore parades
or terrible conversations!

Let's just find the remote and watch
Murder, She Wrote.

That's just going to
rot your brain, Cyborg.

Instead, let's use
these new seconds we have

to pursue fulfilling activities
that enrich our lives.

Beast Boy, haven't you
always wanted to learn

- to play keyboard?
- Just don't have the time, brah.

Now you do!

And Raven, haven't you always
wanted to be a bodybuilder?

- No.
- Now you can!

Star, you've always wanted to
do volunteer work for the poor,

but didn't want to miss
your favorite shows.

There are so many of the poor people,

but even more of the shows to watch.

Now we can all follow our passions.

Because without TV, we
have nothing better to do!

Titans, go!

Who wants tapas?

Mmm. My friends at the kitchen
of soup would love this recipe!

- Great source of protein.
- You said it, mama.

Look at us, Titans.
We did it! We filled time!

So many seconds went by, yo!

So why do we feel so empty inside?

Maybe it's because learning
to play the keyboard

didn't teach you about friendship.

And volunteering didn't
make you a better person.

And there's nothing
funny about bodybuilding.

- You can say that again.
- Only TV can give us those things!

Life without TV is meaningless.

The Teen Titans are
supposed to be heroes,

but the real hero is television.

Can I get a "Turn it on"?

Turn it on!

Hey, what's that smell?

Oh, that's not right.

- Ew.
- Yeah.

- I do not understand.
- No, no, no!

Uh, this is bad!

Your brains, they are rotting!

- But we haven't been watching TV.
- Exactly!

Just as I suspected!

TV keeps your brain from rotting by
feeding it information and good times.

Huh, but your
brain doesn't stink, Cyborg.

It's because I have watched
so much quality programming,

my brain is stronger than yours.

Then the rest of us need
to get in front of a TV

before our brains rot away completely.

But the device that controls
remotely is still missing.

Then we improvise.
Just like The A-Team!

I love it when a plan comes together.

What plan?
That's not a TV.

Just look.
It's a show about plants.

- This is just as good as anything on TV!
- Ooh, ooh!

Can we change the channel?

- I wanna watch something else!
- No problem.

How about The Cockroach Show?

I wanna watch the show about wall.

Which one are you talking about, Rave?

- You know, the one about wall.
- Oh, right. The Wall Show.

Huh. Is that stain new,
or from the last episode?

I think it's new.

Oh, look! It's a crossover
episode from The Cockroach Show.

The smell is getting worse!

It's not working, Cyborg.

How about now?

How about now?!

Your brains!
They've completely rotted.

It's so nice out.

Let's go for a hike.

Join us for a game of
miniature golf, brah.

I'm taking a French class.


Your rotted brains are making you crazy!

No! No!
I don't want to do activities!

- You can't make me!
- Hi-yah!

What are you doing here?

I've raised countless children, Cyborg,

but you have always been my favorite.

You might be surprised to know

that all those years
you spent staring at me,

I was staring right back at you.

And it's been a joy to help shape
you into the man you are today.

- I love you, Cyborg.
- I love you, too, TV.

Now, the only way to save your friends

is to reverse their brain
rot with quality programming.

Then turn yourself on, dude.

I don't know how these buttons work.

No one does.
W-Where's the remote?

We lost it.
It could be anywhere.

Then we're going to have to find it!
Let's go!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

- So nice out.
- I'm taking French class.

A hike.

''Huh, What?''

- Thanks for fixing our brains, TV.
- No problem.

So, I was thinking, it's such a beautiful
day why don't we all go on a hike?

Or perhaps, take in
some culture at a museum.

I'm just messing with ya.

Let's watch 18 hours of A-Team!