Teen Titans Go! (2013–…): Season 1, Episode 2 - Pie Bros - full transcript

1x03 - Driver's Ed

This is going to be the greatest
achievement of my life!

Beast Boy, emergency.
No time to explain.

Come on, get the car! Gotta go!

- What's the emergency?
- Got a monster to deal with.

A monster case of the munchies.

Cheeseburger, fries, milk shake,
and a small side salad, stat.

Man, these back-ups seem like
they take longer every week.

Cyborg, emergency.
No time to explain.

Come on, get in the car!
We gotta go!

Check it out, Dog
Simulator 2000.

You cannot eat the berry, Silkie.
They are bad for you.

Yes, they are. Oh,
yes, they are.

Starfire, emergency.

No time to explain. Come on, get the car!
We gotta go!

Pick me up in an hour.
Thank you.

Back, foul demon.

Azarath metrion zinth...

Raven, emergency!
No time to explain!

Come on, get the car!
We gotta go!

Guys, emergency! No
time to explain!

Come on, get the car!
We gotta go!

Guys, emergency! Car, go, now!

Guys... Emergency?

Oh, yeah? So, what's the
big emergency, Robin?

Everything's half off
at the dollar store!

Man, all week you've been
bumming rides for stupid stuff.

You know you messed up
my weekly backup, right?

You're lucky I didn't
lose any important data.

I must agree with Cyborg.
It is most irritating.

Thank you.

Who's that orange girl?

Why can't you just
drive yourself, dude?

Uh... my... My license
was suspended.

- What?
- Yeah.

I was in a little fender bender.

No, no, no, no. You don't
need to come down.

It's just a scratch.

So, you destroyed the Batmobile.

You did not.

Ah, you in trouble.

It is enjoyable to laugh at
someone else's misfortune.

Anyways, I found a
guy on the internet.

He says he'll get my
license back, no problemo.

- Sounds kinda sketchy, Robin.
- It's on the level.

Besides, how can I not pass?
I am a master driver.

Well, this is where the driving
instructor told me to meet.

"Get in. Start engine." Okay.

My name is Ed. I'll be
your driving instructor.

Ed, as in "Driver's Ed"?

Just Ed.

The way this works is that
every time you fail to comply

with an instruction,
I make a deduction.

- Too many deductions, you fail.
- Hey, what's that noise? Is that...

Pull out into traffic and proceed
through the intersection.

- But what about the...
- And that's a deduction.

Okay. Right, right. I'm going.

- I swear, that sounds like...
- Eyes front.

- Sorry.
- That's a deduction.

Left here.

- No signal, another deduction.
- Oh, man.

- Increase your speed.
- If you say so.

Now turn right.

- Are you sure?
- Deduction. Left.

Deduction, hard right.

Turn right.

- But there's no...
- Two deductions. Hard right.

I think we're finished here.

So, how did I do?

So, you failed your
driver's test?


Master driver, huh?

Laughing at your shortcomings makes
us all feel better about ourselves.

It is okay, Robin.

A lot of people fail
the test of driving.

Will someone please tell me
who that strange woman is?

Look, I'm a great driver. I'm
just not a great test-taker.

L, R, alligator and blurry spot.

The good thing is I can keep
re-taking the test until I pass.

And I will pass. Because
I am a master driver.

- He is gonna fail, isn't he?
- Big time.

So, last time I think you freaked
me out a little, but now I'm ready.

Did you hear that?

- It sounds like...
- That's going to be a...

Okay, okay. No deductions.

This music is terrible.

That's a deduction.

Only three seconds in
the air, deduction.

I asked you to turn
down the cereal aisle.

I know, that's a deduction.

Meet me for a re-take
in front of the casino.

By the money factory.

At the end of the rainbow.

How about you just
tell me who you are?

We went to school together, right?
You look a lot like my cousin.

Did we eat at the same
restaurant the other night?

Hey, is that Robin?

Huh. He's supposed to be meeting
his driver's ed instructor.

I don't know why he's in
front of a jewelry store.

Looks like it's because
he is the getaway driver.

Surely Robin is not aware he is
aiding and abetting a criminal.

Well, that's why we've got to warn him...
whoever you are.

What are they doing here? Oh,
they're here to laugh at me.

"No superpowers and can't drive,"
I bet that's what they're saying.

- I'll show them.
- Make a right here.

Stow it, Ed. I've got this one.

Nice driving, Cyborg.

Hey, when did Starfire get here?

- You pass.
- Yes!

But only because I never want
you as a getaway driver again.

I was using you the whole
time and you couldn't see it.

Nope, I knew.

That's why I'm not warning
you about the demon.

That's right. Master driver.

1x04 - Dog Hand


Have you witnessed Raven's mood?
It appears to be un-good.

Yeah, she's been like that
for the last few days.

Shh. Here she comes.

Okay, Raven, what's bugging you,
you know, uh, more than usual?

- Don't wanna talk about it.
- Come on, sing, little birdie.

I said I don't want
to talk about it.

And I can totally respect that.

- Raven?
- Fine. I'll tell you.

My father is coming
here for a visit.

Oh, no?

You don't understand. He's
not your typical dad.

I can relate. I mean, I
am half robot, after all.

Catch, daddy, catch.

It's just... I had a lot
of issues growing up.

Who had childhood issues, ahem?

Excuse me, but are
you my mother?


Okay, thanks anyway.

Uh, are you my mother?

Are you my mother?

Are you my mother?

Look, my father, Trigon, is...

- Trigon?
- Trigon?


Devourer of a million souls.

Conqueror of countless worlds.

Trigon is one of the most powerful
beings in the entire universe.

He is your father? Yep, my
dad is literally a demon

who feeds off the suffering of others.
Especially me.

Behold Trigon,
Master of the dark,

Destroyer of dimensions,

Enslaver of civilizations.

Enough with the resume, dad.

Hi, I'm Raven's father.
You must be Cyborg.

Is that an upgraded
optical sensor?

Uh, yeah. Thanks for noticing,
all powerful Trigon, sir.

Greetings, I am Starfire,

your daughter's best female
friend within the Teen Titans.

Young lady, these pale in
comparison to your beauty.


And the party animal
himself, Beast Boy.


No introduction needed, boy wonder.
The honor is mine.

- How is your back?
- It's fine. Why?

Thought it might be sore from
carrying Batman all these years.

Why are you here, dad?

To see my only daughter and
her friends, of course.

And now you have. Goodbye.


That was harsh,
man, even for her.

Yeah, I mean, her dad
didn't seem that bad.

There's something
called knocking, dad.

This place is a pigsty. How
do you live like this?

So I was thinking,
maybe tonight we can

take your friends
for some pizza.

- My treat.
- Not interested.

You know, I wish you could at least
pretend to be happy to see your dad.

How could I when I know the
real reason you're here

is to lecture me about not
living up to my potential?

When you said you wanted to be
a hero, did I stop you? No.

I figured it would be great
for you to save some lives

and get it out of your system.

But let's face it, you're wasting
your powers here, Raven.

- When I was your age...
- Oh, here it comes.

I had already enslaved
my first dimension.

When was the last
time you even tried

to torment a species
for no reason, huh?

Huh, huh?

I didn't ask to be a
demon spawn, you know.

So just leave me alone.

Where did I go wrong?

Raven's not much of a
conversationalist, is she?

Hmm, we don't exactly
see eye-to-eye-to-eye.

Yeah, I irritate the
snot out of her, too.

She must have a thing against
powerful men, you know?

I mean, who wouldn't
want a father

who could grant any power?

Whoa. Did you say, "any power"?

Seriously, you have no idea
what a wiener my dad can be.

Dude, you got it twisted. Your
old man's straight up the bomb.

Why are you talking like that?
How are you talking like that?

Your dad gave her the power
to speak like an Earth teen.

And he gave me the power to turn
into anything I want. Look!

- And yet you choose to be a bean bag.
- Now I can veg out on myself.

LOL. Whoo!

What's up, Rave?

My dad's got princess
starry-eyes and the beast brain

thinking he's the greatest
thing since toilet paper.

Glad you and Robin
aren't so gullible.

Where is Robin anyway?

Notice anything
different, Raven?

- You're twitching.
- Yep, pretty awesome, huh?

What, you didn't want
a power from my dad?

Of course I did. He gave
me a dog for a hand.

Quit it! Quit it!

I love you so much, dog-hand.

I just... love you so much.

- Ugh, he got to you too, Silkie?
- What's the haps, players?

- You need to stop talking.
- Haters gonna hate.

Raven, you've got Trigon all wrong.
He's a great dad.

- Straight-up, awesome!
- Holla!

His breath smells
like a fireplace.

- What is wrong with you guys?
- What's wrong with you?

Trigon said that you could have been
granting powers for us all along.

Easy, boy. Easy.

Instead of fighting your dad, maybe
you should try to be more like him.

You're right.

It's time I became the daughter
my dad always wanted me to be.

After thinking about
what you said, dad,

I'm ready to embrace
my inner demon.

That's my little tyrant.

Just three easy steps. First,
draw your power from the terror

of every Earth-child's

Easy-cheesy, Rave,
you can do it.

Now, focus that power, and open
an inter-dimensional portal.

- Way to go, Raven.
- Bravo.

I'm so proud.

The only thing left to do
is kill all your friends.

Kill us, kill us. You
can, like, totally do it.

Yeah. Wait, what?

I'd like to first make
an example out of one.

I suggest Beast Boy.

To force the others to
swear their allegiance,

then eradicate them anyway.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, not cool.

Nothing personal.

Just the last step in
becoming truly demonic.

Go ahead and annihilate them, dear.
Then we can get ice cream to celebrate.

So, still want me to be...

more like him?

- No. Uh-uh.
- No. Uh-uh.

That's what I thought.

Sorry, dad. Looks like I'm going
to flunk out of demon school.

You've brought weakness
upon the legend of Trigon.

After I revoke your dark powers,
then I will destroy your friends.

What do you know, Raven
was right all along.

You are a major wiener.

And how are you going to defeat the
most powerful being in the universe?

By using the powers you gave us.
Titans, go!


He's gone for now.

But he'll be back,
probably for Thanksgiving.