Taxi (1978–1983): Season 5, Episode 3 - Alex Goes Off the Wagon - full transcript
Alex has a gambling problem again.
(theme song playing)
Nardo, you're not going
to get a cop for this.
I mean, the police have
their priorities.
Finding a missing cabbie
lies somewhere below
"There's a cat in heat
disturbing the neighborhood."
Yes, hello.
Yes, my name is Elaine Nardo
and I'd like to report
a missing cab driver.
His name is
Alex Reiger and...
Yes, I'll hold.
(meowing)
Look, Nar-Nardo,
I-I... I already sent
Banta to his apartment
to see if he's there
and not answering the phone.
You did?
Yeah, don't worry.
Don't worry.
Hello! Yes, yes, yes, um,
his name is Alex Reiger.
He's been missing
for 15 hours, he...
What do you mean,
call back when he's been
gone for 24 hours?
What? Uh...
Oh, do you believe that?!
Nardo, I told you, they...
(groaning)
What do we pay
those guys for, huh?
I mean, I've never called a
policeman before in my life.
Nah, no, no, no--
The one time I do...
N-N-Nardo!
Now, you're
getting hysterical
and I don't want
to have to slap you.
Oh, come on, what do you guys
need to hear, huh?!
Nardo...
That he's been shot?
That he's been in an accident?
Nardo...
That he's been mugged?
That he's been raped?
Nardo...
That he's been murdered?
You slap a hysterical person
across the face.
Like that.
Will you get out of here?!
Oh, Tony!
Tony, Tony, Tony,
was he there?
No, I couldn't find him, Elaine.
Well, look at me, not him.
I can't.
I can't move my head.
What's the matter
with your head?
Well, when I got there, uh,
Alex didn't answer,
so I broke down his door.
Then when I found
the right apartment,
I had to break down
that door, too.
You're lucky the elevator
opens by itself.
Tony, what should we do?
Well, well,
this is painful, guys.
You think maybe you could stand
one behind the other?
Oh, sure.
Oh, thanks.
I think we should
call the cops.
No, I already
called the cops.
She already tried the cops.
They're not going to come.
Oh, I just saw a cop
across the street.
Oh!
You saw a cop
across the street?!
Well, go get him.
Well, yeah!
But don't tell him how long
Reiger's been missing.
Yeah, go over there, Tony.
Go on. Go on over there.
Go on, get him.
My neck hurts.
Louie... are you worried?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, if you're worried...
Alex must be...
Dead.
No, don't say it-- no.
Nardo, it looks like Reiger's
gone to the harp farm.
(wailing):
No, Louie!
I feel terrible.
I mean, I... (muttering)
He's the only guy
in this garage
that I could ever talk to.
I... I'm so alone.
I'll take care
of you, Louie.
Oh, good, Nardo, good.
Oh, good.
Oh, take care
of me, Nardo.
Oh, good.
Oh...
(crying, muttering)
(Elaine continues crying)
Yeah, yeah, Nardo.
Yeah, yeah...
Take care of me, Nardo.
Yeah, Nardo...
Hi, guys.
Oh, great, Reiger,
you're alive!
LOUIE:
Thank God!
Oh!
Hey, hey, hey,
what's going on?
(shushing)
How come you didn't
call us, huh?
I been worried
sick about you!
Huh?
How the hell could
you do that to us?
I'm sorry.
Listen, my radio
wasn't working.
I'm sorry if I
had you worried,
but I had the most
fantastic adventure.
LOUIE:
What? What?
I had to take this fare
to Atlantic City.
He tips me 200 bucks.
200 bucks!
And I know I swore off gambling,
but there I was
in Atlantic City with a 200...
I mean, I had a found 200 bucks,
if you know what
I'm talking about.
Alex.
You know you have
this gambling problem,
so why didn't you just
take the money home?
Well, if I did, I wouldn't have
been able to parlay
that 200 bucks
into 2,000 bucks.
Two-two thousand?
2,000 bucks!
Every time I had the dice,
I made pass after pass.
I couldn't lose.
Yeah?
Yeah, a crowd started to gather.
They all started applauding me.
(laughs)
I mean, I had the feeling
that I was absolutely
invincible.
You want to know
the greatest thing
about the experience?
What? What?
I left.
That's right.
For the first time in my life,
I walked away a winner.
You, uh...
You mean that you started
losing bets
and you, uh, felt like
you were cooling down,
so you left?
No! No, no.
I made my last eight passes
and I just walked away.
You mean your nerves
started going
and-and you felt
like you were choking?
Nah, I never felt
better in my life.
You mean the casino
shut down the table
and forced you to leave?
Louie, I walked away a winner!
You mean you walked away
from that
while you were still hot?
What are you made of,
what're you made of stone?
No!
I got willpower.
Aw, the itch might still
be there, but I'm telling you,
the feeling of walking away
from a table hot
is a lot better reward
than sticking around
and winning another two
or three or five or ten or...
20,000 bucks...
Reiger...
Reiger, I know a table
not five minutes away from here.
(laughs):
Nah, nah, nah...
Come on, Reiger.
Think of how proud you'd be
to walk away a second time.
Come on, Reiger!
Nah.
Seven come eleven.
Huh? Baby needs
a new pair of shoes.
Come on.
Hey, little Joe, ho-ho!
Come on, fever, fever.
Come on, Reiger!
Alex...
Come on! Ho,ho!
..don't let him
do this to you.
Come on, you know you're
a compulsive gambler.
Elaine, would you please
just stay out of this?
Don't mother me.
I won't.
It's a good thing
you got rid of her.
She's a bad influence.
Now, the point is, Reiger,
that I believe
in hot streaks.
And if you're still hot,
and I can get you
to a crap table
in the back
of a fancy restaurant
not five minutes away
from here...
we can make a lot of money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
if, if, if, if, if.
(chuckles)
If I was still hot.
And if you could
get me to go.
And if there
was a crap game
in a restaurant not
five minutes from here...
There is.
Are you still hot?
Yep, let's go.
Let's get out of here.
Hey, I got the cop.
Hiya, Tony.
Hey, Officer, I think
that's the guy that was missing.
It was.
I guess I brought you down here
for nothing.
Sometimes I think
they take advantage of me.
(clamoring)
Come on, hey, will you
quit crowding here?
You're already taking
up nine spaces.
You know, Lou, I think
it's about time
we upped the stakes
just a little bit.
Reiger, I'm matching
you bet for bet.
(Louie muttering)
Seven! A winner!
(all cheering)
Come on! Come on!
Pay up, pay up!
Good, very good.
Hey, this beats stealing
computer secrets, don't it?
Eight, the number's eight.
The point is eight.
Give me a $20 hard eight.
The hard eight, yeah.
The fat lady wants
a hard eight.
All right.
Uh, sorry about
that, lady.
Don't apologize for him,
just roll a hard eight,
big nose.
(laughing)
A hard eight
for the fat lady.
Eight, the hard way.
(cheering)
LOUIE: Eight the hard way!
Reiger! Reiger! Reiger!
Reiger, I'm not ashamed to say
I love you.
STICKMAN: Come on, bets.
Come on, bets.
All right, I believe there's
another 11 in here.
I believe there's
another 11 here.
What do you think, Lou?
Reiger...
I believe.
Eleven.
Eleven!
Eleven! Eleven! Eleven!
Eleven! Eleven!
(laughs)
Do you all believe?
ALL:
We believe!
Watch this.
What's your bet?
Okay.
STICKMAN: Snake eyes.
Craps, a loser!
Hey, don't worry!
Don't worry, folks.
A momentary setback.
Nothing to worry about.
All right, all right.
Do you still believe?
(all shouting)
(all cheering)
Twelve! Boxcars!
Craps, a loser.
(crowd groaning)
Hey, don't give up now.
Don't give up now.
I'm hot!
Reiger, Reiger,
Reiger, Reiger...
(whispers):
I think your streak
is over, Reiger.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
That's what separates the men
from the mutants, Louie.
I'm going to bet
all I got left
No, no, no.
on the pass line.
No, no, no, no, no.
Reiger, Reiger, Reiger,
Reiger, that's a fortune there.
Yeah? You in?
Not me.
But I'm rooting for you.
Read 'em and weep.
Nine, the point is nine.
Got it. We got it.
We got it.
Okay, come on,
come on.
Come on, nine.
Nine.
Come on, nine.
Nine.
Come on... nine.
STICKMAN:
Seven, a loser.
(crowd groaning)
New shooter
coming out.
Get your bets down.
STICKMAN: New shooter.
Get your bets down.
Four, the point is four.
Bet it the hard way.
Uh, Reiger, I...
I really feel bad
for you.
I, uh...
I'd like to stay here
and comfort you.
But I'd rather go home
and lay all this
money on my bed
and get naked
and roll around in it
until it sticks
to my sweaty body.
(phone rings)
Sunshine Cab Company.
Oh, hi, Elaine.
It's you, huh?
Oh, hi, Alex.
So, is your life a shambles yet?
Oh, come on, will you, Elaine?
I, uh...
I gambled a little while;
I, uh, had a few laughs,
and I came out about even.
So you're home now, huh?
Well, no, not exactly.
I'm in a kind of a funny,
out-of-the-way place,
a kind of after-hour place
on the Upper West Side.
(toilet flushing)
What was that?
Oh, they're, they're watching a
rerun of All in the Family here.
Listen, i-is, uh, Tony around?
Uh, no, nobody's here
but Jim and me.
Let me talk to Jim.
Jim, it's for you.
Oh...
ALEX (distant):
Hi, Jim...
ELAINE:
It's Alex.
(clearing throat)
Okay, uh, go ahead.
What is it, Alex?
Okay, now, listen, Jim, I want
you to run up to my locker.
Okay, Alex, now what?
ALEX:
No, Jim...
No, I want you to get something
from my locker.
I want...
Okay!
Jim!
No, Jim!
(rattling)
(bangs)
I can't get anything;
it's locked.
Jim...
listen to me.
I don't want you to go away
from the phone unless I say--
I better be very careful here.
Accidents will happen.
Okay, when you say
"accidents will happen"...
No, no, no, no!
No, no, Jim.
Oh, all right, why not?
Okay.
Look...
Jim, the combination
to the lock is
3-14-60.
Want to write that down?
Uh-huh.
No, I'll remember it
because they're all ages
that Frank Sinatra has been.
All right, now, look--
there's an envelope
full of money
in a Ritz cracker box
in my locker.
Uh-huh.
All right?
It's in the Ritz cracker box.
Now, I want you to get
the envelope and bring it to me.
I'll leave your name
with the guy at the door here.
Okay, w-w-w-where are you?
All right,
I'm at One West First Street.
Wait, wait a minute,
I better write that down.
ALEX:
One West First Street.
Okay, I got it.
All right, and hurry.
(phone rings)
Accidents will happen.
I'm sorry, sir, the minimum bet
is five dollars.
Oh, come on, it's
my last buck.
Let me bet
my last buck.
Okay.
Seven, a loser.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Get your bets down.
New shooter.
Jim!
Where's my money?
What, no exchange
of pleasantries?
Hello, Jim,
how you doing?
Where's my money?
Hello, Alex.
Quite well, thank you.
Care for a cracker?
No-- hey,
wait a minute.
Give me the box.
Where's the envelope?
There was an envelope
full of money in the--
I don't want the Ritz
crackers; I want the envelope!
Where's the envelope? What'd
you do with the envelope?
Where's that envelope?!
Calm down, Alex!
Where's the envelope,
where's the envelope?
The envelope isn't in there.
It's in my pocket.
Huh?
I took the precaution
of putting it here
so I wouldn't eat
your money.
Listen, uh, you don't know
what I've been through.
I was up 9,000 bucks.
I'm flat broke now.
And that means
you can't be civil?
Huh?
Here.
I'm gonna give you
back half this money.
No matter how much I beg--
no matter how
much I beg--
I don't want you
to give it to me.
Gotcha.
Good. Come here.
Okay.
You're going
to bet all of that?
Yeah, because I know
the next roll is an 11.
Craps.
Twelve.
Damn!
Well, you were
only off by one.
How much do you get...
How much do you
get for that?
Nothing!
I'm broke.
Well, then that was
pretty dumb of you
to bet all of your
money like that.
Remember that money I
gave you and told you
never to give me it
no matter how much I beg?
Yeah.
Give me the money.
Okeydoke.
Thanks, Jim.
You're welcome.
Now, watch this,
watch this.
I'm gonna put it
all on the field.
That way if a two,
three, four, nine, ten,
11 or 12 comes up,
I'm a winner.
How can you lose?
Seven!
That's how.
A loser.
Well, the important
thing is we had fun.
And we were polite.
Now, let's go home.
Huh?
No, no, wait, wait, wait!
Come here, come here.
You must have some
money on you.
Why don't-- just loan
me some money, okay?
Oh, no, no, no,
you'll just lose it.
Just loan me some
money, will you?!
No, Alex!
You want to end up
like them--
poor, lost souls?
Wretched refuse on the
dung heap of human greed?
Hey, hey, hey!
All right, all right,
we're leaving.
You're not going
to talk me into this.
Why not? I'm going
to pay you back.
It's not the money.
Look at yourself, Alex.
I've seen this
kind of behavior before.
Oh, no.
No, no, Jim, Jim, just give me
the money, will you?
Just loan me the money!
Just loan me the money!
That's all I'm asking. Just loan
me the money, will you?
Okay!
But first, hear me out.
All right, all right, come on,
come on. What is it? What is it?
You wouldn't know it
to look at me now,
but I wasn't always
this together.
But my problem wasn't gambling.
It...
It was drugs.
Really? Well, that was
a very nice chat.
Just let me have the money.
I couldn't stop
doing them.
I always thought my next
high would be the best.
I couldn't quit until
I hit rock bottom.
Good. Now, just...
Let me tell you about it.
Is this going to take long?
Yep.
Oh, God.
It was in a place
just like this.
Except there
were no sinks,
and no mirrors.
No walls, just sand
as far as the eye could see.
"Sand"?
And a starry New Mexico sky.
I was broke and friendless,
except for an old
Indian shaman...
...who had taken me in...
Come on!
...and taught me the
ways of his people.
Do you know the things they
value the highest, Alex?
No, what? What?
Honor and trust.
"Honor and trust,"
good things to value.
Good things.
One night,
we were sitting
on the edge of a cliff
doing psychedelic
mushrooms.
We were down to
our last mushroom
and both of us wanted it.
So...
I thought up this great plan
to distract this man
who had taught
me about trust.
I looked up to the sky
and I said,
"Look at that star."
And he looked.
Who wouldn't?
Then, when his attention
was distracted,
I grabbed the mushroom
and I was going to eat it.
But I didn't.
No?
I gave it to him and he ate it.
I see.
And I felt better.
Good, good.
And it wasn't just
because he jumped off the cliff
trying to fly.
It was because
at that moment
when I gave him
the mushroom,
I knew I had the willpower
so I never had to be
at rock bottom again,
like you are now.
Alex!
Hey, hey, come on.
You don't have
to worry about me.
I'm not at rock bottom.
No?
What're you doing
sitting in some toilet,
after losing all your money
and begging an easy mark
for a few dollars
and not getting it
from me?
Welcome to rock bottom.
Hey, Jim, wait.
Wait a minute.
What is it?
Uh, look...
All I'm asking...
Hey, Jim,
look at that light.
Thanks.
You helped me out.
Come on.
Come on, Jim,
let's go home.
What's the rush?
How often do you get
to see a light like that?
Yeah, it's a good light.
(theme song playing)
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
(man grumbling)
Nardo, you're not going
to get a cop for this.
I mean, the police have
their priorities.
Finding a missing cabbie
lies somewhere below
"There's a cat in heat
disturbing the neighborhood."
Yes, hello.
Yes, my name is Elaine Nardo
and I'd like to report
a missing cab driver.
His name is
Alex Reiger and...
Yes, I'll hold.
(meowing)
Look, Nar-Nardo,
I-I... I already sent
Banta to his apartment
to see if he's there
and not answering the phone.
You did?
Yeah, don't worry.
Don't worry.
Hello! Yes, yes, yes, um,
his name is Alex Reiger.
He's been missing
for 15 hours, he...
What do you mean,
call back when he's been
gone for 24 hours?
What? Uh...
Oh, do you believe that?!
Nardo, I told you, they...
(groaning)
What do we pay
those guys for, huh?
I mean, I've never called a
policeman before in my life.
Nah, no, no, no--
The one time I do...
N-N-Nardo!
Now, you're
getting hysterical
and I don't want
to have to slap you.
Oh, come on, what do you guys
need to hear, huh?!
Nardo...
That he's been shot?
That he's been in an accident?
Nardo...
That he's been mugged?
That he's been raped?
Nardo...
That he's been murdered?
You slap a hysterical person
across the face.
Like that.
Will you get out of here?!
Oh, Tony!
Tony, Tony, Tony,
was he there?
No, I couldn't find him, Elaine.
Well, look at me, not him.
I can't.
I can't move my head.
What's the matter
with your head?
Well, when I got there, uh,
Alex didn't answer,
so I broke down his door.
Then when I found
the right apartment,
I had to break down
that door, too.
You're lucky the elevator
opens by itself.
Tony, what should we do?
Well, well,
this is painful, guys.
You think maybe you could stand
one behind the other?
Oh, sure.
Oh, thanks.
I think we should
call the cops.
No, I already
called the cops.
She already tried the cops.
They're not going to come.
Oh, I just saw a cop
across the street.
Oh!
You saw a cop
across the street?!
Well, go get him.
Well, yeah!
But don't tell him how long
Reiger's been missing.
Yeah, go over there, Tony.
Go on. Go on over there.
Go on, get him.
My neck hurts.
Louie... are you worried?
Yeah.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, if you're worried...
Alex must be...
Dead.
No, don't say it-- no.
Nardo, it looks like Reiger's
gone to the harp farm.
(wailing):
No, Louie!
I feel terrible.
I mean, I... (muttering)
He's the only guy
in this garage
that I could ever talk to.
I... I'm so alone.
I'll take care
of you, Louie.
Oh, good, Nardo, good.
Oh, good.
Oh, take care
of me, Nardo.
Oh, good.
Oh...
(crying, muttering)
(Elaine continues crying)
Yeah, yeah, Nardo.
Yeah, yeah...
Take care of me, Nardo.
Yeah, Nardo...
Hi, guys.
Oh, great, Reiger,
you're alive!
LOUIE:
Thank God!
Oh!
Hey, hey, hey,
what's going on?
(shushing)
How come you didn't
call us, huh?
I been worried
sick about you!
Huh?
How the hell could
you do that to us?
I'm sorry.
Listen, my radio
wasn't working.
I'm sorry if I
had you worried,
but I had the most
fantastic adventure.
LOUIE:
What? What?
I had to take this fare
to Atlantic City.
He tips me 200 bucks.
200 bucks!
And I know I swore off gambling,
but there I was
in Atlantic City with a 200...
I mean, I had a found 200 bucks,
if you know what
I'm talking about.
Alex.
You know you have
this gambling problem,
so why didn't you just
take the money home?
Well, if I did, I wouldn't have
been able to parlay
that 200 bucks
into 2,000 bucks.
Two-two thousand?
2,000 bucks!
Every time I had the dice,
I made pass after pass.
I couldn't lose.
Yeah?
Yeah, a crowd started to gather.
They all started applauding me.
(laughs)
I mean, I had the feeling
that I was absolutely
invincible.
You want to know
the greatest thing
about the experience?
What? What?
I left.
That's right.
For the first time in my life,
I walked away a winner.
You, uh...
You mean that you started
losing bets
and you, uh, felt like
you were cooling down,
so you left?
No! No, no.
I made my last eight passes
and I just walked away.
You mean your nerves
started going
and-and you felt
like you were choking?
Nah, I never felt
better in my life.
You mean the casino
shut down the table
and forced you to leave?
Louie, I walked away a winner!
You mean you walked away
from that
while you were still hot?
What are you made of,
what're you made of stone?
No!
I got willpower.
Aw, the itch might still
be there, but I'm telling you,
the feeling of walking away
from a table hot
is a lot better reward
than sticking around
and winning another two
or three or five or ten or...
20,000 bucks...
Reiger...
Reiger, I know a table
not five minutes away from here.
(laughs):
Nah, nah, nah...
Come on, Reiger.
Think of how proud you'd be
to walk away a second time.
Come on, Reiger!
Nah.
Seven come eleven.
Huh? Baby needs
a new pair of shoes.
Come on.
Hey, little Joe, ho-ho!
Come on, fever, fever.
Come on, Reiger!
Alex...
Come on! Ho,ho!
..don't let him
do this to you.
Come on, you know you're
a compulsive gambler.
Elaine, would you please
just stay out of this?
Don't mother me.
I won't.
It's a good thing
you got rid of her.
She's a bad influence.
Now, the point is, Reiger,
that I believe
in hot streaks.
And if you're still hot,
and I can get you
to a crap table
in the back
of a fancy restaurant
not five minutes away
from here...
we can make a lot of money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
if, if, if, if, if.
(chuckles)
If I was still hot.
And if you could
get me to go.
And if there
was a crap game
in a restaurant not
five minutes from here...
There is.
Are you still hot?
Yep, let's go.
Let's get out of here.
Hey, I got the cop.
Hiya, Tony.
Hey, Officer, I think
that's the guy that was missing.
It was.
I guess I brought you down here
for nothing.
Sometimes I think
they take advantage of me.
(clamoring)
Come on, hey, will you
quit crowding here?
You're already taking
up nine spaces.
You know, Lou, I think
it's about time
we upped the stakes
just a little bit.
Reiger, I'm matching
you bet for bet.
(Louie muttering)
Seven! A winner!
(all cheering)
Come on! Come on!
Pay up, pay up!
Good, very good.
Hey, this beats stealing
computer secrets, don't it?
Eight, the number's eight.
The point is eight.
Give me a $20 hard eight.
The hard eight, yeah.
The fat lady wants
a hard eight.
All right.
Uh, sorry about
that, lady.
Don't apologize for him,
just roll a hard eight,
big nose.
(laughing)
A hard eight
for the fat lady.
Eight, the hard way.
(cheering)
LOUIE: Eight the hard way!
Reiger! Reiger! Reiger!
Reiger, I'm not ashamed to say
I love you.
STICKMAN: Come on, bets.
Come on, bets.
All right, I believe there's
another 11 in here.
I believe there's
another 11 here.
What do you think, Lou?
Reiger...
I believe.
Eleven.
Eleven!
Eleven! Eleven! Eleven!
Eleven! Eleven!
(laughs)
Do you all believe?
ALL:
We believe!
Watch this.
What's your bet?
Okay.
STICKMAN: Snake eyes.
Craps, a loser!
Hey, don't worry!
Don't worry, folks.
A momentary setback.
Nothing to worry about.
All right, all right.
Do you still believe?
(all shouting)
(all cheering)
Twelve! Boxcars!
Craps, a loser.
(crowd groaning)
Hey, don't give up now.
Don't give up now.
I'm hot!
Reiger, Reiger,
Reiger, Reiger...
(whispers):
I think your streak
is over, Reiger.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
That's what separates the men
from the mutants, Louie.
I'm going to bet
all I got left
No, no, no.
on the pass line.
No, no, no, no, no.
Reiger, Reiger, Reiger,
Reiger, that's a fortune there.
Yeah? You in?
Not me.
But I'm rooting for you.
Read 'em and weep.
Nine, the point is nine.
Got it. We got it.
We got it.
Okay, come on,
come on.
Come on, nine.
Nine.
Come on, nine.
Nine.
Come on... nine.
STICKMAN:
Seven, a loser.
(crowd groaning)
New shooter
coming out.
Get your bets down.
STICKMAN: New shooter.
Get your bets down.
Four, the point is four.
Bet it the hard way.
Uh, Reiger, I...
I really feel bad
for you.
I, uh...
I'd like to stay here
and comfort you.
But I'd rather go home
and lay all this
money on my bed
and get naked
and roll around in it
until it sticks
to my sweaty body.
(phone rings)
Sunshine Cab Company.
Oh, hi, Elaine.
It's you, huh?
Oh, hi, Alex.
So, is your life a shambles yet?
Oh, come on, will you, Elaine?
I, uh...
I gambled a little while;
I, uh, had a few laughs,
and I came out about even.
So you're home now, huh?
Well, no, not exactly.
I'm in a kind of a funny,
out-of-the-way place,
a kind of after-hour place
on the Upper West Side.
(toilet flushing)
What was that?
Oh, they're, they're watching a
rerun of All in the Family here.
Listen, i-is, uh, Tony around?
Uh, no, nobody's here
but Jim and me.
Let me talk to Jim.
Jim, it's for you.
Oh...
ALEX (distant):
Hi, Jim...
ELAINE:
It's Alex.
(clearing throat)
Okay, uh, go ahead.
What is it, Alex?
Okay, now, listen, Jim, I want
you to run up to my locker.
Okay, Alex, now what?
ALEX:
No, Jim...
No, I want you to get something
from my locker.
I want...
Okay!
Jim!
No, Jim!
(rattling)
(bangs)
I can't get anything;
it's locked.
Jim...
listen to me.
I don't want you to go away
from the phone unless I say--
I better be very careful here.
Accidents will happen.
Okay, when you say
"accidents will happen"...
No, no, no, no!
No, no, Jim.
Oh, all right, why not?
Okay.
Look...
Jim, the combination
to the lock is
3-14-60.
Want to write that down?
Uh-huh.
No, I'll remember it
because they're all ages
that Frank Sinatra has been.
All right, now, look--
there's an envelope
full of money
in a Ritz cracker box
in my locker.
Uh-huh.
All right?
It's in the Ritz cracker box.
Now, I want you to get
the envelope and bring it to me.
I'll leave your name
with the guy at the door here.
Okay, w-w-w-where are you?
All right,
I'm at One West First Street.
Wait, wait a minute,
I better write that down.
ALEX:
One West First Street.
Okay, I got it.
All right, and hurry.
(phone rings)
Accidents will happen.
I'm sorry, sir, the minimum bet
is five dollars.
Oh, come on, it's
my last buck.
Let me bet
my last buck.
Okay.
Seven, a loser.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
Get your bets down.
New shooter.
Jim!
Where's my money?
What, no exchange
of pleasantries?
Hello, Jim,
how you doing?
Where's my money?
Hello, Alex.
Quite well, thank you.
Care for a cracker?
No-- hey,
wait a minute.
Give me the box.
Where's the envelope?
There was an envelope
full of money in the--
I don't want the Ritz
crackers; I want the envelope!
Where's the envelope? What'd
you do with the envelope?
Where's that envelope?!
Calm down, Alex!
Where's the envelope,
where's the envelope?
The envelope isn't in there.
It's in my pocket.
Huh?
I took the precaution
of putting it here
so I wouldn't eat
your money.
Listen, uh, you don't know
what I've been through.
I was up 9,000 bucks.
I'm flat broke now.
And that means
you can't be civil?
Huh?
Here.
I'm gonna give you
back half this money.
No matter how much I beg--
no matter how
much I beg--
I don't want you
to give it to me.
Gotcha.
Good. Come here.
Okay.
You're going
to bet all of that?
Yeah, because I know
the next roll is an 11.
Craps.
Twelve.
Damn!
Well, you were
only off by one.
How much do you get...
How much do you
get for that?
Nothing!
I'm broke.
Well, then that was
pretty dumb of you
to bet all of your
money like that.
Remember that money I
gave you and told you
never to give me it
no matter how much I beg?
Yeah.
Give me the money.
Okeydoke.
Thanks, Jim.
You're welcome.
Now, watch this,
watch this.
I'm gonna put it
all on the field.
That way if a two,
three, four, nine, ten,
11 or 12 comes up,
I'm a winner.
How can you lose?
Seven!
That's how.
A loser.
Well, the important
thing is we had fun.
And we were polite.
Now, let's go home.
Huh?
No, no, wait, wait, wait!
Come here, come here.
You must have some
money on you.
Why don't-- just loan
me some money, okay?
Oh, no, no, no,
you'll just lose it.
Just loan me some
money, will you?!
No, Alex!
You want to end up
like them--
poor, lost souls?
Wretched refuse on the
dung heap of human greed?
Hey, hey, hey!
All right, all right,
we're leaving.
You're not going
to talk me into this.
Why not? I'm going
to pay you back.
It's not the money.
Look at yourself, Alex.
I've seen this
kind of behavior before.
Oh, no.
No, no, Jim, Jim, just give me
the money, will you?
Just loan me the money!
Just loan me the money!
That's all I'm asking. Just loan
me the money, will you?
Okay!
But first, hear me out.
All right, all right, come on,
come on. What is it? What is it?
You wouldn't know it
to look at me now,
but I wasn't always
this together.
But my problem wasn't gambling.
It...
It was drugs.
Really? Well, that was
a very nice chat.
Just let me have the money.
I couldn't stop
doing them.
I always thought my next
high would be the best.
I couldn't quit until
I hit rock bottom.
Good. Now, just...
Let me tell you about it.
Is this going to take long?
Yep.
Oh, God.
It was in a place
just like this.
Except there
were no sinks,
and no mirrors.
No walls, just sand
as far as the eye could see.
"Sand"?
And a starry New Mexico sky.
I was broke and friendless,
except for an old
Indian shaman...
...who had taken me in...
Come on!
...and taught me the
ways of his people.
Do you know the things they
value the highest, Alex?
No, what? What?
Honor and trust.
"Honor and trust,"
good things to value.
Good things.
One night,
we were sitting
on the edge of a cliff
doing psychedelic
mushrooms.
We were down to
our last mushroom
and both of us wanted it.
So...
I thought up this great plan
to distract this man
who had taught
me about trust.
I looked up to the sky
and I said,
"Look at that star."
And he looked.
Who wouldn't?
Then, when his attention
was distracted,
I grabbed the mushroom
and I was going to eat it.
But I didn't.
No?
I gave it to him and he ate it.
I see.
And I felt better.
Good, good.
And it wasn't just
because he jumped off the cliff
trying to fly.
It was because
at that moment
when I gave him
the mushroom,
I knew I had the willpower
so I never had to be
at rock bottom again,
like you are now.
Alex!
Hey, hey, come on.
You don't have
to worry about me.
I'm not at rock bottom.
No?
What're you doing
sitting in some toilet,
after losing all your money
and begging an easy mark
for a few dollars
and not getting it
from me?
Welcome to rock bottom.
Hey, Jim, wait.
Wait a minute.
What is it?
Uh, look...
All I'm asking...
Hey, Jim,
look at that light.
Thanks.
You helped me out.
Come on.
Come on, Jim,
let's go home.
What's the rush?
How often do you get
to see a light like that?
Yeah, it's a good light.
(theme song playing)
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
(man grumbling)