Taxi (1978–1983): Season 5, Episode 19 - Louie and the Blind Girl - full transcript

Louie is in love and plans to propose to his blind girlfriend Judy. When he learns that an operation may restore her sight, he is suddenly very self-conscious about his looks.

(theme song playing)

(humming lively tune)

ELAINE:
Whoa, whoa, are you
in good spirits.

Whoo.

What'd you do
today, Louie?

You kick some squirrels
into the lake?

Better than
that, Reiger.

I just came from
a class with Judy

at the School
for the Blind.

She's been trying
to get me to go for months.

If I knew it was gonna be
so much fun,



I'd have gone a long time ago.

What a girl!

What a day!

Ah!

Hey, Lou, what kind of, what
kind of things they teach you

at this, uh, School
for the Blind?

Oh, it's, it's a class
for sighted people

to-to-to show them
what it's like to be blind.

I mean, we all put on blindfolds

and we try to use
our other senses to see.

I-I was the best in the class.

They loved me there.

Here, I'll show you.

Now watch this.



Now, all right, one of you,

any one of you,
step right up here.

Just come on right up.

LOUIE:
Come on...

Ah...

Aha!

I heard the faint
squeak of a sneaker

and I detect

the not-so-faint smell
of mostaccioli.

So, it must be Banta.

Hey.
Is it Banta?

Yeah.
Hey!

All right, come on,
somebody else.
Come on, right up here.

Come on, anybody,
anybody.

Ah, all right.

(sniffing)

Now, my ears and my nose don't
seem to be enough in this case.

So, step closer,
O, Unknown One,

and allow me to identify you
with my sense of touch.

I think he knows it's me.

Was it Nardo?

Surprise, surprise.

Oh, mercy.

We narrowly escaped
an embarrassment.

(cackling)

I-I-I'm going next.

Sit down, Iggy.

Amazing.

That must be a trick blindfold.

Huh?
No, Jim, Jim, no.

Nothing that I did here
couldn't be done

without using senses other
than the sense of sight.

Ah.

This, however, would
be more difficult.

"Weather report.

Fog turning
to hazy sunshine."

(cackling)

If that's not a
trick blindfold,

that's got to be
a trick newspaper.

Of course it's
a trick blindfold!

It's a trick!

(cackling)

Five bucks in a magic shop
and I was the star of the class.

Louie, Louie,
I can't believe it.

I mean, you actually
went to a class

that's supposed to be teaching
you the sensitivity

to the plight of the blind
and you did something like that

just to look good?

I mean, how could you do that?

Pride, Reiger. Pride.

You should have
seen Judy gushing.

She was... warm.

She was, like, bright.
She loved it.

How could you be so
insensitive to her?

Insensitive?
Yeah.

If I'm so insensitive...

why would I have
bought her this?

Ooh, a diamond ring?
Yeah, yeah.

Ooh.
That's right.

A half a carat
of girl's best friend.

I'm gonna ask her
to marry me.

No.

You're shocked at the idea of me
settling down, huh, Reiger?

No, I'm appalled at the
prospect of you breeding.

Lighten up, Reiger,
I'm in love.

And if she says yes,

I'll cherish her for
the rest of my life.

I believe you, Louie.

Yeah, so do I.

Yeah, Lou, I do.

Yeah, I guess
I believe you, Lou.

Let me see.

Yeah, look at that.

(imitating Humphrey Bogart):
Guess who, sweetheart?

You are a great kisser.

Now, quick, get out of here
before Louie shows up.

(laughing)

Shut the door, Louie.

All right.

All right, okay, now,
come right over here,

'cause I brought
you something.

(sniffs)

A rose?

Ooh, she's good.

Here, you can take it.

I had it de-thorned.

Thank you.

And a bottle of champagne.

Ooh.

This is the really
good stuff.

You know what they say
about champagne--

the better the bottle, the
louder the pop, so stand back.

When I uncork this baby,
it's gonna explode.

(cork clatters)

(makes a pop)
There she blows!

Oh! Oh!

There's foam all
over the ceiling.

(laughing)
Now give me a rag.

I'll get the glasses.

Oh, boy. Oh...

Here you go, Louie.

Uh-huh.

You know, you usually
don't come over here
with all these gifts.

What's the occasion?

Well...

a big surprise.

Well, uh, I've got a big
surprise for you, too.

Well, you go first.

No, you go first.

We'll settle this fair,
the way we always do.

Okay.
All right?

Evens you go first,
odds I go first, all right?

Mm-hmm.
One, two, three, shoot.

It's evens. You go first.

Okay.

Well, I didn't want to tell you
this until I was sure about it.

Louie, I may be
able to see again.

What?

Isn't that fantastic?

My doctor says there's
been some improvement

in the surgical technique
and he wants to operate again.

He thinks that, this time,

there's a real good chance
that it will succeed.

When's he-- when's
he want to operate?

Tomorrow.

With any luck at
all, in 24 hours,

I'll be able to see
your sweet, beautiful face.

Isn't that wonderful?

Yeah.

Isn't that the best
news you've ever heard?

I haven't been able to think
about anything else all day.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I almost forgot.

What was the surprise
you had for me?

Well, uh...

Well, now that you've...
you've told me that,

it-it-it hardly seems like
the time to, uh...

Oh, come on, Louie.

Let me be the judge of that.

Well, uh,

I bought something
today that...

would've never occurred
to me before I met you.

Well, what is it, Louie?

Foot deodorant.

(laughing)

Oh, Louie, you always
know how to make me laugh.

Hey, Lou, how'd
the, uh, proposal go?

(mutters)

Uh, as a man of the cloth,

I would be honored to perform
the marriage ceremony.

I'd rather have
a baboon do it.

I don't blame you.

I've seen that.

It's lovely.

Louie, what happened?

Look, it's none
of your business.

If you guys are smart,
you'll just stay away from me.

Yay!

Louie, I'm so happy that you
and Judy are getting married.

Oh, this is a time
of great happiness--

...and joy.

Well, go ahead, Latka,
don't be chicken.

All right.

Chicken.

Okay, Louie, we brought you

some of the traditional
engagement gifts

from our country.

Yeah.

First is... a piece of candy
to make the marriage sweet.

Ooh.

All right, uh, next is a flower
because love is so fragile.

Yeah.

(loud bang)

That was a big hit.

All right, come on,
let's get out of here.

Banta, 411.

Thompson, 426.

Iggy, 301.

Nardo, 218.

Hill, 802.

Lupus, 567.

Hey, Louie, you
forgot to call me.

I didn't forget, Reiger.

I want to talk to you.

Oh, I was afraid of that.

Look, Louie, whatever happened
last night, whatever happened--

whether you got cold feet,
whether she said no,

look, it's happened to millions
of guys before you, all right?

Now, if you want to talk
about this later on, okay,

but listen,
I got to make a living,

so I'd like
a cab now, please.

Yeah, here, 618.

Okay, thanks.

Judy had an
operation today.

She may be able
to see again.

That got your interest,
didn't it?

I'm supposed to be over there
right now.

They're taking the bandages off
at this moment.

She wants me,

the man she loves, to be
the first person that she sees.

Life stinks, huh, Reiger?

She told me
about it last night.

After that, I mean,
I didn't see any point

in asking her to marry me.

Wait a minute.
What is it, Louie?

You're afraid she's not
gonna like your looks?

No, my tie, Reiger.

I'm afraid she won't like
the way I knot it.

Do you love her?

More than anything.

Well, if she loves you,

then that operation isn't
gonna change a thing.

It's gonna change everything!

You know, Louie, you are really
much too insecure

about your appearance.

I mean, you're a...

interesting-looking guy.

I mean, uh, you, uh,
in your better moods,

you-you-you've
a somewhat puckish
quality, you know?

I mean, some people might
even think you're cute.

Let's not talk hypothetical
here, Reiger.

You think I'm cute?

It's a matter
of taste, Lou.

It's, uh, some people like
Golden Retrievers, right?

And some people like,
uh, pit bulls.

But I'm sure
the people who
like pit bulls think

that pit bulls are cute.

Cute? They're adorable!

Well, my work is done here.

I think I'm needed elsewhere.

No, no, no, no, you're not done
yet, Batman.

What do you
want from me?

I'm not going to that hospital.

You're comparing me to a pet!

A lot of people
like grotesque pets.

Some people keep tarantulas.

That doesn't mean
they're gonna marry one.

Lou, do you know how
ridiculous you sound right now?

Oh, sure, sure,

it sounds ridiculous
to you, Reiger,

because you've
never gotten that look.

What look?

The look I got
on blind dates...

when I used to go
on blind dates.

I got the same one
every time, Reiger.

Walk up there,
dressed real nice,

carrying a present
or some flowers.

You know, get ready...

strike a pose,
so I'll look my best.

And then the door would open,

and there'd be a girl there
and she'd give me that look.

I got it every time, Reiger.

Sure, oh, sometimes they'd show
a little class, you know?

They went out
with me anyway.

But most of the time

they came up with these
brilliant excuses like,

"Oh, you must be here
for Wanda.

Well, she's sick."

This, coming from a girl with a
"W" embroidered on her sweater.

I got that look
every time, Reiger.

And today,
when they, when they take

those bandages off
of Judy,

it's gonna be like
that door opening again.

I'm gonna get that look
from somebody

I already love.
I ca...

Hey, look, Louie...

I can't tell you
what's gonna happen

when they take
the bandages off

and she's able to see you,
but, uh, I do know this:

if you don't go there

and see for yourself,

you're never gonna
forgive yourself.

Yeah... yeah, I guess
you're right, Reiger.

But... I...

I don't know, I wish that I,
I wish I had more hair.

I wish I had dimples, you know?

I wish, I wish...

I wish, I wish I was, uh...

What, Louie?

Taller?

Louie, you've been
having a romance

with this girl
for months.

I think she knows
your height!

You're right, Reiger.

Sure... she knows it...

but...

she's never
seen it, Reiger.

I'll go with you.

Excuse me, is one,
is one of you, uh,
Louie De Palma?

Yeah, I'm Louie.

Hello.
I'm Judy's doctor.

The operation went
very well, Mr. De Palma.

I'm gonna be removing
Judy's bandages now.

You?

Uh, well, look, if it's any
trouble, I could do that.

No trouble.

Louie...

Reiger, Reiger...

I think you'd better go
in there right now.

Come on.

Yeah, you're right,
you're right.

You know...

Even if it means
getting that look...

I hope the operation worked.

Me, too. Good luck.

Yeah.
I'm gonna go in there.

This is me.

This is my body.

This is my face.

If she loves me,
she'll love this.

ALEX:
Right.

You got a tweezer, Reiger?

Tweezer?
What for?

I want to pluck my eyebrows.

Oh, what?

No, just the hair right
in the middle here.

Louie, come on.

You don't need it!

Well, it couldn't hurt.

(grunts)

Ah!

Louie, is that you?

Yeah.

Oh, thank goodness
you got here in time.

I want your face
to be the first
thing I see.

Come hold my hand.

Your palms are so sweaty.

You're as nervous
as I am.

Yeah.

Oh... Louie,

what if I still can't see?

You'll still have me.

All right now, Judy,

I'm going to take off
the last of those bandages.

Wait, wait! Don't!

I'm scared!

I'm afraid
to find out if it worked.

Yeah, Doc,
what's the rush?

I mean, give her
a couple of months
to figure this out,

to get used to it.

Oh, Louie, I'm so glad
you're here.

You're right,
I'm acting silly.

Go ahead, Dr. Gordon,
take them off.

Wait, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Judy...

I'm not the best-looking guy
in the world.

Go ahead, Doc.

Now remember,

it's gonna be just
a little bit blurry at first.

So don't be afraid.

I can see!

It's blurry, but I can see.

It's okay.
Just take a minute.

Oh! Oh, Louie, you're beautiful!

It's still blurry.

No, you're exactly the way
I pictured you.

I am?

Yes, yes, yes!

I can see! I can see!

And...

I'm, I'm exactly the way
you pictured me?

Yes!

Except I thought
you had a little more hair

between your eyebrows.

It grows back!

Ha-ha! Yippee!

Ya-ha-ha-ha!

I take it
you didn't get that look?

No, Reiger, Reiger,
she can see,

and she loves me!

She thinks I'm
beautiful, Reiger!

And now she's resting,
so I gotta go buy suits.

What is that,
hospital policy?

No, no, no, Reiger.
Everything's changed.

I got to adapt.

I mean, no more bragging
about my extensive wardrobe

when I only own one suit.

Uh-huh.

From now on,
I got to buy her greeting cards

that fit the occasion.

Reiger, it's a brave new world!

Reiger!
Reiger!
All right, all right,
all right!

Let's go get
you those suits!

Oh, one more thing...

What?

I'm gonna have to buy her
a real diamond.

(theme song playing)

WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)