Taxi (1978–1983): Season 5, Episode 15 - Sugar Ray Nardo - full transcript

Elaines son takes on boxing with a little encouragement from Tony Banta.

(theme song playing)

Hey, Louie.

Hey, Jeff.

Hey, how come you hung
this girlie calendar here?

Don't, don't say girlie calendar
like those girls are bimbos.

Those girls are not bimbos,
they're all career women.

That girl bending over to lace
her boots is a brain surgeon.

Well, I don't care about
the calendar, Louie,

but why is it covering
the picture of my mother?

Well, look, to tell you
the truth, uh, Jeff,

that picture of your old lady
give me the willies.



Hey, Louie, what're you trying
to say about my mother?

What, come on, let's face it,

you must admit
she's no Lena Horne.

Well, I think
she's beautiful.

Everyone who knows her
thinks she's beautiful.

'Cause God gave her
beauty on the inside.

Good, because he gave her
Swamp Thing on the outside.

Hey, Louie, you say one more
thing about my mother

and I'm going to deck you.

All right, all right,
all right, all right.

When I see that picture,

I see the most beautiful
woman in the world.

(shivers)

I think you're
the best referee



we ever had with the kids.

Now you're so good I'm going
to buy you a cup of coffee.

Yeah, thanks.

I don't know, I still feel
I need a little practice

on my footwork, you know?

Work out, Al, work out.

Alex, take a tip from
your old friend Jim.

Sprinkle a little baby
powder in your shorts.

And it'll clear
that right up.

No, no, no, Jim, I was, I was
refereeing down at Tony's gym.

Well, that's
good for it, too,

but if you really want
to clear it up, just...

Thanks, Jim.

A lot.

Oh, good. Don't any
of you guys leave.

ALEX: Huh?
My son Jason's coming here

with a tape you're going
to want to hear.

He had his first music recital
today.

Oh, yeah?
How'd it go?

Oh, well,
I don't know.

I had to work at the art
gallery, so I couldn't go.

That's why he's coming here.

But you're in for a treat.

You're going to hear how his
oboe lessons have paid off.

I think it's great that you're
giving him those lessons.

Yeah.

Every boy should know

how to hop on
a moving freight train.

Jim, I think she said oboe
lessons, not hobo lessons.

Hold on. Don't
worry about it.

TONY: Oboe, huh?
ELAINE: Uh-huh.

I mean, that's an interesting
choice of an instrument

to force your kid to play.

I didn't force him to play it.

What's wrong with the oboe?

It's a sissy instrument.

No, no, wait, wait, wait,
I played the violin

when I was a kid, and nobody
thought I was a sissy,

because I followed
one simple rule.

For every hour that I practiced,
I committed an atrocity.

Stay away from my kid, Louie.

Listen, I'm not making
my kid into a sissy.

I mean, you know, Jason's
learning to play the oboe now,

but I wouldn't object if he came
to me tomorrow and said,

"Mom, I don't want
to play the oboe anymore.

I'd rather spend my time..."

Ballet dancing.

Playing baseball

or logging or smelting pig
iron or anything he wants.

Besides, if Jason didn't like
the oboe, he'd tell me about it.

Ah.

(thudding)

Jason?

Jason!

That's a very expensive
instrument.

It's a stupid instrument.

Why do you say that?

I know.

It's because the other kids
tease you

about being a sissy, huh?

No, th-they tease me

because I don't play it
beautifully enough.

The neighborhood has changed.

They're just jealous.

Now come on, I want
to hear your tape.

(oboe playing
"Peter and the Wolf" off-key)

Oh, Jason.

Aw...

Oh, it's so beautiful,
I could cry.

Yeah, you and the composer.

"Peter and the Wolf."

Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

I haven't heard that
for weeks.

Mom, I got to go.

My ride is waiting.

Oh, all right, well, I'll listen
to the whole thing later.

(tape recorder clicks off)
Okay.

Hey, hey, Tony,
how's your boxing coming?

Oh, well, uh, I'm not taking
too many bouts lately.

You know, I'm coaching
kids instead, Jason.

Wow!

Hey, do they get beat up
as bad as you used to?

No, no. They wear headgear and
big gloves and all, you know.

It's fun.

Why, why don't you
come down sometimes?

And box?

Absolutely not.

Why not?

I think she has her heart set

on logging or smelting pig iron.

Well, I-I don't want
to box.

I just want to watch.
Hey.

Oh, you want to watch.

Oh, okay, that's all right.

Come on, honey,

you're going to be late
for your movie.

Yeah, we're going to
see Star Wars again.

What's your favorite part?

That scene in the bar.

Oh, you mean, the one with all
the weird-looking aliens in it?

You like that kind of stuff?
Yeah.

Here, show this to your friends.

They'll love it.

All right.

Don't swallow this, Matty.

Okay, you got it?

All right, now, mean.

(growls)

Okay, ooh, this...

I bet you're going to be good,
I hope.

(bell clangs)

All right now,
box around now.

All right, stick
it out, Matty.

Use the left.

Ooh, all right,
Carlos, good shot.

Ooh, easy baby now...
JASON:
Hey, Tony.

Hey, Elaine. Hi, Jason.
Hi.

I'll be with you
in a second.
Okay.

Move now, move.

Keep moving.

Move to your left.

Matty's usually good
for about two minutes

before I have
to stop the fight.

Keep going, baby.
Oh, you let them fight
until they hurt each other?

Oh, no, no. That's
when his trunks usually
start falling down.

(laughing):
Oh!
Okay, come on now.

Keep moving
there, Carlos.

Oh, Tony, aren't
they too young for this?
Stop hitting gloves.

Nah, look at 'em, Elaine.
They're not hurting each other.

I mean, gee, they're learning
sportsmanship,

hand-eye coordination.

And boxing, it's
fantastic for kids.

Uh-oh, uh-oh, wait, uh-oh.

(bell clangs)

Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.

Well, I'm sorry,
Matty, I'm sorry.

All right, buddy.
I love this kid.

Keep moving, guys,
finish strong.

Hey, Tony, this looks
like a lot of fun.

Can I try it?

Uh, no, Jason, you can't.

Why not?

Well, well, because your
mother doesn't want you to.

All right, guys,
move in there now. Move in.

Finish strong.
Finish strong.

All right, time.

Time. Time.

Way to go, guys.

All right, Carlos,
great workout.

You're looking good, babe.

You, too.

Get a shower.
Get out of here.

Hey, Coach, who am I
going to spar with?

Well, where's Thompson?

He went home.

Ah, well, uh... well, gee,
there's nobody left.

I guess you can be first
next week though, okay?

What about him?

Uh, Elaine, let me have a word
with you a second here.

You know, Jason wants to box,

and this is a perfect
opportunity for him

because Gregory over there
is perfect for your son.

What do you mean by that?

Gregory is a wimp.

Are you saying that
Jason's a wimp?

No, no, not a wimp.

A sissy?

No, no!

A weakling.

That's all
I'm trying to say.
Yeah?

Well, I'll have you know
he's extremely athletic.

I know.
Oh, Mom, can't I box?

Please, Mom, please,
let me box.

What's the matter?

Your mommy won't
let you fight?

Let him go one round.

I promise, I promise,
nothing will happen to him.

I promise, Elaine.

Please, Mom.

(imitating Jason):
Please, Mom.

Oh.

All right, if you
really want to.

All right!
Great!

Come on, get some gloves
on you. Come on.

Tony, why did you...?

(Tony humming tune)

Elaine, don't worry
about a thing.

You're doing
the right thing.
Yeah?

Wait a minute,
let me...
You sure?

Oh, yeah, this is
good for Jason.

He's a regular kid.

Let me tell ya, this
might even improve his wind

for them difficult
oboe passages.

Here you go.

I'm ready, Coach.

(clearing throat)

Hi, what's your name?

"Bulldog" Gregory.

What's his?

Oh, that's my son Jason...
"The Butcher" Nardo.

Come on, guys,
in you go.

See? And you thought

I was an overprotective
mother, didn't you?

Well, I'm not.

I'm a blithering pea brain.

Oh, Elaine.

All right, guys...
Now you listen, Jason--

you saw those other guys, so
just use your instincts, okay?

You'll be fine.

Now, look, I want a clean fight,
all right?

I don't want
no hitting behind the head.

And when I say
"box," you box.

But when I say "break,"
you break, all right?

What's he doing?

Not now. He's new.

All right, here you go.

Okay, all right,
wait a minute here.

Okay, buddy, here we go.
ELAINE: All right.

TONY: All right now.

Be careful.

Here we go.
You ready?

(bell clangs)
All right,
box around.

All right, Jason,
nice and easy.

First time in there,
you know, you want
to look good.

ELAINE:
See, you look at him move.

That's it, Greg,
move in on him.
Ooh, good shot!

ELAINE:
Ooh, hey!

What the...?
Ooh, hey!

TONY:
Hey, Jason!
Hold it, Jason!

Ja-Ja-Jason!

What's the matter with you?

You don't hit anybody
when he's down.

Get up! I'm not through
with you! Get up!

Oh, hold it, hold it.
The fight's over.

Jason wins.

Come on, get up.

My God, shake hands.

Whew!
Hey, now, look, you.

Let me get you out
of this thing.

Go hit the showers.

I've only boxed
for ten seconds.

I don't need a shower.

You needed a shower
when you got here.

Get out of here.
Get this thing off.

Are you all right?

Man!

Did you see me?

I mean, I punished him.

Yeah, you did.

I killed him!
I got him in the gut!

I made him go, "Ugh!"

All right now, okay,
all right, now stop it.

Stop it!

I don't like this side of you.

Hey, you've got a pretty
talented kid here, Elaine.

Yeah, talented?

Yeah, quick hands,
quick feet.

He could be
a terrific boxer.

Oh, if he ever boxed
again, which he's not.

That's not fair!

How come I always got to do
the stuff you want me to do,

but I never get to do the stuff
I want to do?!

Because in this case,

what you want to do
is appalling and disgusting

and dangerous to you
and extremely distasteful
to your mother.

You said the same thing
about Pac-Man.

I wish Dad was here.

He'd let me box.

Jason...

Jason...

Tony, don't look at me like that
because he's not gonna box.

Come on, Elaine.

He's not gonna box!

Jason!

ELAINE:
Oh, Alex, Alex, he's been
miserable for three days.

ALEX:
Mm-hmm.

I mean, I'm trying
to raise my son

to be a normal,
healthy boy,

and maybe sometimes I need
a man's point of view.

I think you should let him box.

Maybe not yours.

Oh.

Oh, do you
really think so?

You don't care what I think.

No, I do, I do.

I was just hoping that maybe
you'd agree with me.

Oh.
See, Alex,
I'm afraid

that maybe Jason's missing out
on something,

being raised by a single mother.

If you really think I should
let him box, then convince me.

Uh, Alex...

Uh, may I?

Uh, I think I have a few
pertinent words

to say on this subject.

The ability of two men
to put on gloves,

stand toe-to-toe

in the spirit of sportsmanship

and pummel each other
into insensibility

is what separates us
from the animals.

(head thuds on bench)

Elaine, come here,
come here.

Look, look, look,
just listen to me.

We're not talking about
prizefighting here.

We're talking about kids boxing

under, under very safe
conditions.

I mean, with headgear
and big soft gloves.
Yeah, I know, I know.

I just don't want him
to get hurt.

Elaine,
would you trust me?

I've been refereeing these
little ten-year-olds,

and where they hit me, if they
could do any harm at all,

you wouldn't be hearing me now
unless you were a dog.

Oh, he really wants
to do this, Alex.

Then let him do it.

Come on.
Competitive sports
are good for a kid.

They teach him discipline.

They teach him,
they teach him courage.

They teach him determination,
self-respect.

I was raised
by my mother.

She didn't want me to do
competitive sports.

No?

No, but she
finally gave in.

Yeah, I can remember
making that school team,

getting into my first game,
catching that ball

and tucking it under my arm
and racing down the field.

I mean, it's moments
like that you don't forget.

Did you score a touchdown?

Well, no, actually, we were
playing soccer at the time.

We-- not allowed to use
your hands in soccer,

so it cost us a penalty kick.

And, uh, well, after the game,

the kids on the team
took off my pants

and threw them out
of the bus window,

but that didn't matter, no.

I mean, I felt,
I felt accepted.

Yeah?

If Jason were your son, Alex,
would you let him box?

I would.

Okay, you've convinced me.
I'm gonna let him box.
Good.

You're not gonna regret it,
I'm telling you.

You're not gonna
regret it.

Okay.

Elaine...
Oh, Tony!

Don't interrupt me.

I've been thinking
about this

for the past three days,

and I've gone over and over
every argument to convince you,

and, well, I think
you should let Jason box

because... well,
you should!

Okay, Tony.

I should have
been a lawyer.

Yeah, yeah.

(bell clangs)

(applause)

Louie, what are you
doing here?

I want to make sure
nobody welshes on their bets.

You're betting
on these fights?

They're just children.

How could you bet
on little kids?

I made little bets.

What kind of sick person
would take your bets?

It was only two dollars.

He's my son.

HILLARY:
I see your son's matched up
against my son.

Good luck.

Well, you seem awfully calm.

To be honest, I'm not that
thrilled about my son boxing,

but beats hanging
around a pool hall.

Your son hangs
around pool halls?

No, I do.

(bell clanging)

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

before the next bout,
I have an announcement.

Uh, we are honored to have at
ringside a very special guest.

He is the champion of last
year's 68-pound division,

none other than Johnny Castillo!

(audience cheering,
bell clanging)

Hey!

Hey, John,
all right!

Nice to see you, bud.

(bell clanging)

The next bout, we have in this
corner wearing the blue trunks

and weighing 65 pounds--
Jason Nardo!

(audience cheering,
bell clanging)

(audience whistling)

And in this corner weighing in
at 66 pounds

and wearing red trunks--
Benny Jamison!

(cheers, whistles, applause)

Okay, come on.
You know the rules.

No low blows, no head butts
and no name-calling.

You understand?

I want a clean fight. Shake
hands. Come out fighting.

All right, Jas,
now you remember
what I taught you.

Okay, now keep moving,
sticking out that left.

Keep your guard up.
Don't get tired.

Save your best
for the third round.

Go in there
and nail him!

Go ahead, baby,
get him, baby, go!

(Elaine gasps)

TONY:
Jas? Jason!
Oh, no!

ELAINE:
Jason! Jason!

Oh, Jas!
(Jason sobbing)

I think my nose is broken.

I think he said
his nose is broken.

Oh, no, baby,
you're all right.

It's not broken,
it's just sore.

Ow!

It's broken.

Oh, no!

Okay.

Oh, can I have
my purse, please? Oh...

I am so sorry.

I hope you don't blame
my son for this.

Oh, no. I, I couldn't blame him
for anything done

in the spirit
of competition, no.

I blame him
and I blame him!

Hey, Nardo,
I'm sorry.

Don't worry
about it.

You can pay me
tomorrow.

Elaine...

Elaine, I'm gonna go.
I'm going.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute, Tony, Elaine!

Uh... uh, here,
you're the ref, Johnny.

Look, Elaine, I...

Tony, please,
let's not have
another scene

like we had at
the emergency room.

At least she's
calm now.

I just wanted
to tell her:

Don't worry
about Jason's nose.

My nose was
broken six times.

Look how good
it healed.

(sobs quietly)

What'd I say?

Tony, Tony,
it's all right,
it's all right.

She's in a mood.

Nothing you can say
can make it any better.

Anyway, you're
home now.

Oh, okay. Uh,
hey, look, Elaine,
I'm really sorry.

I'm really, really sorry,
and I don't blame you

for blaming me for this.

I don't blame you, Tony.

It's just
bad luck, I guess.

You spoke!

She spoke!

All right,
thanks, Elaine.

Good night, Al.
Night, Jason.

Good night, Tony.

(sighs)

You know, I'm really glad
to hear you say that.

I was afraid you
weren't gonna speak

to either of us again.

Elaine? Oh, come on!

Now why are you more mad at me
than you were at Tony?

'Cause I don't rely on Tony's
opinion like I rely on yours,

and you know that.

You said to let him box,

so I let him box,
and look what happened.

I'm really sorry.

Oh, it's not your fault.

(sighs)
It's my fault.

I'm the one
who let him box.

Oh...

But that's it!

Oh! Oh, I'm gonna be so careful
with this kid from now on.

If you thought I was an
overprotective mother before,

ho-ho-ho, you ain't
seen nothing yet.

He isn't gonna go
anywhere,

he isn't gonna do
anything,

and all he's gonna eat
is strained food.

Oh, come on, will you, Elaine?

No, I mean it, Alex.

I mean it.

And he's not gonna
ride his bicycle.

And he's definitely
not gonna climb trees.

And no way is he gonna
play any sports.

Oh, come on.
He isn't gonna do anything

there's the remotest possibility
that he could hurt himself.

Oh, yeah? The day will come
when he has to shave.

Who says?

Oh, some men look better
in beards.

Not a pretty picture:

a 44-year-old man sitting
in a room full of hair,

playing an oboe.

Come on, Elaine,

you know you're
not gonna do that.

I know, I know.

There are so many tough
decisions to make,

and I don't know
if I can make them all.

You'll make them.

Making tough decisions is part
of raising a kid.

So you make some mistakes
along the way,

but you're an intelligent woman,
and you're a caring person,

and you're a loving mother.

I think Jason's
lucky to have you

as the one who's gonna make
those decisions for him.

Thanks, Alex.

You're welcome.

You know,
the funny thing is

that even after all
he's been through,

losing the fight
and breaking his nose

and-and the pain and trauma
of the emergency room,

I bet that right now
he's wondering

when he can box again.
(chuckles)

You gotta be kidding.

(laughs)

(scoffs)

(theme song playing)

WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)