Taxi (1978–1983): Season 4, Episode 2 - Vienna Waits - full transcript

(theme song playing)

Guess what!

Elaine Nardo is going to Europe!

How can she do that?

Because her ex-husband just
showed up out of the blue

and took her kids
for four weeks,

leaving her free as a bird!

All right! Let's give
her a going-away party.

Yes!
ELAINE:
Okay.

No!

If Elaine Nardo doesn't care
enough to tell us personally,



then to hell with her.

Elaine, I didn't know you were
planning to go to Europe.

No, I haven't been.

That's what so great about this.

But when Vince showed up
and took those kids, I thought,

why not see some of this planet
before you die?

Go to Europe!

Look, I am so
excited about it,

I cannot stand it.

Well, I think it's great to be
so spontaneous and off-the-cuff,

but don't you have to
think about it first?

It's off season
and cheap.

Why don't you come with me?

Me? No, I can't do that.
Yes!



No.

I can.

Please don't take this
the wrong way, Nardo.

I want to show you Rome.

I want you to see
the Sistine Chapel

just the way
Michaelangelo saw it.

(grunts)

Come on, Alex,
I'm serious about this.

I know you've always
wanted to go to Europe.

So, why not now?

Come on, aren't you the one

who's always saying
how great it is

that we can just pick up
and go when we want to?

Look, Elaine, just forget
about it, I can't do it.

Never mind why.

Don't ask me, please.
Just leave me alone.

Alex, come on, now.

This is me you're talking to.

Why don't you just
tell me the reason?

(chuckling):
Okay.

But you know the reason.

No, I don't.

Elaine,

it has been our history
that there has been

a certain attraction
between you and me here.

Especially you for me.

Oh... you're being silly.

Look, it's every
decent man's fantasy

that Europe is filled
with steamy, sultry women

just waiting to throw themselves

at the feet
of some American stud.

Okay, Alex, you're going to miss

what could be the best time

of your suspicious,
fearful, little life.

You could go off
with Monique,

whenever you want to.

And I'll go off with Aldo.

Alex, we will have

the security of
a friend with us.

That's why it'll
always be wonderful.

It'll be open but protective.

Adventuresome but familiar.

The perfect vacation.

It has been the lesson
of my life that nothing

that ever sounds that good
ever really happens.

Isn't it worth the chance?

Wait, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Let me get this straight.

Now, you're saying that

if I met someone
right off the bat,

and I just went off
and left you...

Fine.

(chuckling)

You mean, if you had
something to do one day,

and you wanted to do it
with me and I just said,

"Sorry, there's someplace
else I'd like to be,"

you wouldn't look hurt?

Absolutely not.

(scoffs)

All right, wait a minute,
what if,

what if I met someone
in an Alfa Romeo,

and I said, uh, "I'm sorry,

but I'll catch up
with you in Rome, Elaine."

I'll see you in Rome.

Sounds good, but, uh,

I'm still not sure
I should do it.

Who didn't clean the puke
out of cab 415?

And yet...

(jet engine roaring)

How's the French
coming along?

Just fine.

Answer me in French.

(with French accent):
Just fine.

(laughing)

Oh, she's very pretty, huh?

Yeah, only in a sort
of stunning way.

You know, I think she's alone.

Why don't you go
say hello to her?

I'm thinking about it,
I'm thinking about it.

She just glanced over here.

Come on, Alex, you're
on your way to Europe,

so get on your way.
Please, you're
embarrassing me.

I'm not going to walk
over and talk to her

while I'm sitting
here talking to you.

Alex, isn't this
what our pact is about?

Come on, if you want
to go say hello to her,

you go say hello.

Okay...

You know, Elaine,
it's really great

traveling with you, I mean that.

(clears throat)
Excuse me.

The, uh, walk over here

was the longest
walk of my life,

but the walk back is going to be
even longer if you don't smile.

Get lost.

Let's just forget that it
didn't work out right away.

Uh, I'm in a kind of funny
social position here,

and I'd, I'd be very obligated
to you as a human being

if you'd just let me
sit next to you

for just a couple of seconds.

If I have to mace you, I will.

(chuckling):
That's not mace, that's Binaca.

Even Binaca, when you get it
in your eye, still stings.

Alex, how'd it go?

Oh, it's a little
too early to tell.

Todd Bentley,
this is Alex Reiger.

Hi, Todd.

How do you do there,
Mr. Reiger, sir?

Huh, please,
don't call me "sir."

I'm sorry, Mr. Reiger.

Would you not
call me "Mr. Reiger"?

What's the difference in our
ages anyway, six or seven years?

I'd say more like 12, sir.

All right, so I'm the
oldest guy on the plane.

Are you satisfied now?

Is he
bothering you now?

Is this your Rubik's Cube?

Yes, it's my
Rubik's Cube.

Alex, calm down.

Uh, Todd has just asked us
to jog to Germany.

Oh, good.

Why don't you just run on ahead?

We'll catch up later.

Todd, I heard you

playing your guitar
in the boarding area.

You played so well.

ALEX:
We could have walked
and saved the bus fare.

ELAINE:
Alex, we're in Europe.

ALEX:
Every penny counts.

"The Queen and the
Duke of Edinburgh

in front of
Buckingham Palace."

Right, right, I got it.

"A nice couple
we met at the hotel."

(laughing):
Oh.

Oh, I got it, I got it.

Hmm, arrows pointing
to our room.

Oh, nice touch.

(both laugh)

This is fun.

Hey, Alex, why don't
we meet every day

for postcard writing,
you know, like at 5:00?

And that way, no matter where
we are or what we're doing,

we'll have some time together.

Oh, I don't know, Elaine,
I don't know.

Better not count on that.
Oh.

I mean, I don't want
to get us both tied down.

And there's this Julie Christie
look-alike I've had my eye on.

Oh, great.

Well, make it if you can.

My goodness,
you look great!

Oh, James, hi.

James, this is Alex.

Ah, Alex,
Elaine's platonic friend.

Hi.

Have you, uh, met any of those,

um, steamy, sultry women yet?

Ah, the butt of private jokes,
I see.

Look, um, excuse us,
but Elaine and I

really must be pushing off.
Oh, yes, okay.

I'll see you tomorrow?

Cheerio.
Bye-bye.

Wait, James.
All right.

Alex?

You do have something to
do tonight, don't you?

Why? Here in London?

I hardly know
where to start.

(chuckling):
Oh.

You're welcome to come
with us if you'd like.

(laughing):
On your date?

Where are you going?

We're taking a moonlight
boat ride up the Thames.

Well, all right, but tell me
if I get in the way.

No, no, no, it's all right,
it's all right. You go ahead.

And thanks for asking.

There's a lot here
I can do on my own.
Okay.

Maybe even pick up
a wench or two.

Ooh!

Break some hearts, you rogue.

(with English accent):
You've got it.
Bye.

Ha!

Do you mind?

Thanks.

Watch this.

Oh!

Oh, excuse me,
excuse me.

I'm terribly sorry.

Terribly sorry.

I'm really very sorry.

God...

(Greek music playing)

WOMAN:
¶ La la la

MEN:
Opa! Yasu! Opa!

¶ Yasu, la la la,
la la la ¶

Opa! Yasu!

(woman singing in Greek)

Opa! Yasu! Opa!

Ow!

(singing in Greek)

Opa!
Yasu!

Opa!
Yasu!

Opa!
Yasu!

Oh!
Yasu! Yasu!

Yasu!

Opa!

Opa!

(all whooping and laughing)

(groans)

ELAINE:
Whoo!
Elaine, Elaine,

what made us think
that it would be good

to be here when the fisherman
came in with the fish?

Oh, Alex, this place
has atmosphere.

Unfortunately,
it may not wash out of

our clothes.

(laughs)

The smell
offends you?

(laughs)

Ah, I love
the smell.

Ooh!

It's the smell of life.

Fish...

and friendship.

And who's contributing what?

Who cares?

That's the
beauty of it.

Oh, look at this,
Elaine, Elaine.

"The ruins of the temple
of Apollo."

(dry chuckle)

"We didn't do this."

(laughs)
(laughs)

Alexo, you must
be a Greek.

Because a Greek, uh,
cherishes above all life,

friendship
and laughter.

(laughs)

(laughs)

I love this man!

No. Hold on.

I love this man!

Mwa!

Ah, we-we need...

We need
more-more ouzo.

Huh?
Oh, yes.
Yes, yes.

Please.
(speaking Greek)

I'll, I'll bring
more ouzo, huh?

Okay.
Mwa!
(laughing)

Elaine, I like Oumas,
but he isn't really your type.

Oh, Alexo, to us Greeks,

there is no type.

Only the sea and love,
and love of the sea.

(both laughing)

Okay, one postcard,
and then I have to go, okay?

Wait. You can't.

This is our postcard time.

We agreed to write postcards
together every day.

Alex, we agreed to write
postcards every day if we could.

So far, we haven't missed a day.

Yeah, but you've been
cutting down on the time.

And today, you were late,
and you brought Oumas.

Okay, all right,
I can stay a while longer.

No, no, I mean,

am I wrong? I mean, just tell me
if I'm wrong...

ELAINE:
It's okay.

(mutters)
What's
the matter?

Elaine, there's this, uh,
beautiful girl that I met, and,

uh, I told her
to meet me here, and, uh...

Oh.
She's a model
from Paris.

I didn't even know
she would show up.

Yo! Yo! Desiree!

I'm in here.
I'm in here.

She's coming.

She's coming in.

Elaine, excuse me. My date
is shimmering in the doorway.

ALEX:
Desiree.

(Alex laughs)

You look
lovely.

Elaine Nardo,
this is Desiree.

Hello.
Hello.
How do you do?

Uh, I really
must be going.

Um, Oumas promised to dive into
the Aegean and get me a sponge.

Funny.

Uh, I'll see you later.

Sure.

Why? You
want to go?

No, no, no,
let's go.
Okay, okay.

Come, I'll show you
Athens by night.

ELAINE:
Good night.

Have fun,
you two.

ALEX:
Okay. Bye.

OUMAS:
Bye-bye.

Ah.

Alex, you're
not dressed.

No, no, it's you
who's dressed too much.

Oh.

What, uh... What did
you have in mind to do?

Oh, I don't know.

Walk, talk,
lay down my life.

Well, uh, don't worry.

We have plenty of time
to, uh, stop by your hotel

and, uh, oh, you can
change before we go to

the casino, no?

The casino?

Uh, excuse me, uh, Desiree.

I'm a working man.

Just how expensive
is this casino?

Oh, well, excuse me
for asking this, Alex,

but, uh, what is it
you do for a living?

I'm a ca... taxi driver.

Oh! A taxi driver?

It's not the same job
as it is over here.

You see, taxi drivers are held
in very high esteem in America.

There's a waiting list.

People commit suicide
if they can't get in.

Now, doctors,
over in America,

you wouldn't want
to talk to them.

Riffraff.

As I was saying,
how expensive is this casino?

Well, I'm afraid

that if you have to ask,
uh, you cannot afford it.

I have to ask.

Well, look, I am so sorry, Alex,

but, um, I really have

to go to the
casino tonight.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What kind
of a woman are you?

I mean, you meet a guy,
and you like him,

and just because he can't afford
to take you to a nice place,

you're gonna
dump him?

What kind of a person is that?

French.

("Blue Danube" playing)

Ah, Viennese food is so rich
and wonderful and expensive.

(wry chuckle)

Yeah, I agree with you.

Why smile
when we're all gonna die?

I'll have a clear broth
for now.

What-what...
what comes with that?

A sprig of parsley.

Can you substitute meatloaf?

Hello.

Ah.

All dressed for another
great evening, huh?

Who is the lucky Prussian?

Oh, Alex,
you're broke.

Why don't you let me
loan you some money?

Of course. I've been waiting
for you to loan me money.

What'd you think
I was going to say?

I'd rather be hungry?
Pride?

Give me money.

(laughs)
Thank you.

Where are you going?

Why are you asking me this?

It's become my hobby.

I'm going to a
dinner party.

Oh.

Thank you.

Well, it's a lovely gown.

Oh, thank you.

It's an original.

One of your dates buy it
for you?

No, he designed it for me.

Don't be bitter.

This is not bitterness.
This is admiration.
(sighs)

The guy you met in France
owned a vineyard.

The guy in London was a member
of Parliament.

And that aging contessa in Italy

who called you
daughter.

And that monk who broke
a 30-year vow of silence

just to say wow.

In Spanish!

Yo!

You haven't enjoyed Europe.

Oh, what makes you say a thing
like that?

I got the idea
that night in Barcelona

when, uh, I heard you
in the next room

crying yourself to sleep.

You heard that?

Oh, I don't know.

(sighs) Maybe I was expecting
too much from Europe.

I-I-I thought
it was all gonna be romance,

but instead,
it's just all Europe.

I know.

I saw countries
and people and culture,

but I didn't meet that woman
on a cobblestone street

who doesn't speak a word
of English,

and without a word, makes
the greatest night of my life.

I wanted a night like that.

You solved the cube!

Oh, my gosh, how
did you do that?

I tore off
the little color spots

and put them
where they should be.

Oh.

You know, Alex, maybe
I'll cancel my plans tonight,

and then you and I could spend

our last evening
in Europe together.

I don't know.
Would you like that?

I don't know.
I don't know.

Elaine, I mean, if you
and I went out together tonight,

you know, with the moon
and the Danube

and the schnitzel
in the air,

and me being one
of the most depressed tourists

you'll ever find
on this whole damn continent,

I don't know
what might happen.

I mean, before we left
the United States,

I was... I-I-I-I was afraid
of that.

Now I don't even know why

I'm afraid of that.

Oh, Elaine, I'm just
a broken man who's very grateful

for the fact
that you're even talking

to me. Thank you
for talking to me.

Thank you
for talking to me!

Am I saying this?

Thank you
for talking to me!

Aw.

Oh, I was hoping
you'd say just that.

Is this postcard
addressed to me?

Oh, no. No, no, no, I-I was
gonna mail... I was gonna...

No, no, no, no, no. Come
on, Alex, let me see this.

"Dear Elaine,

"the time we spent
writing postcards together

was the best part of my trip."

(sighs)

I don't know what to say.

Say "Aw."

Aw?

I know.

I love it.

(laughs)

But you weren't supposed
to read this

until we got back to New York,

and it wouldn't spoil
our friendship.

Oh, right.

Yeah, let's not spoil
our friendship.

No.

You know, Alex,

we've known each other
for four years now.

Yeah.

And we've seen
each other

depressed, neurotic,

sad, angry, hostile,

stupid, ugly.

And yet,
we've still remained friends.

Maybe our friendship
is strong enough

to survive one night of...

love.

You want to go for a walk?

I'd love to.

(sighs)

I finally got a date in Europe.

("Blue Danube" playing)

WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters.

(grumbling)